Hell. The next few days after that night was hellish.
When our lips parted that night, we just stared at each other for a few seconds before I realize what I just did.
"Fuck," I mumbled to myself when I remembered what happened that night again. Bakit ko ba 'yon ginawa?! She made my brain control my mouth, ayan nag mouth to mouth- gosh!
"Luna? Nakahanda na ang tanghalian," yaya sa akin ni Tala na galing sa labas because she was cooking.
Tinanguan ko lang siya tiyaka agad na nag iwas tingin. Tala has been acting. . . normal after that night. She was acting like it didn't happen and I should be acting the same too pero para akong mababaliw because it keeps running through my brain 24/7!
Hindi ko siya kinakausap or pinapansin unless she speaks to me first which I only answer with a nod. No words spoken since that night. Pakiramdam ako matutuyo na ang laway ko kaya madalas kinakausap ko na lang ang sarili ko.
She keeps talking to me like nothing happened. Hell, she even talks to me kahit pa hindi ko naman siya kinakausap. I feel bad pero I really have no guts because of embarrassment. Wala naman akong mapuntahan because there isn't a different accomodation anywhere nang mag libot ako.
Worse, wala ako ng currency nila rito.
"Nagustuhan mo ba?" Tala suddenly asked. Parang hindi tuloy ako makalunok dahil bigla bigla niya na naman akong kinakausap.
I answered her once again with a nod and moved a little to avoid facing her while eating. I feel guilty na kinakain ko 'tong luto niya tapos hindi siya pinapansin.
Siya pa ang nag ligpit habang ako pa-cute lang sa kama, nakatulala sa kisame.
"Nais mo ba na mag ikot sa isla?" Biglang yaya niya when afternoon came.
I wanted to answer with a nod again but seems like I need to talk this time.
"Maaari kang makita ng mga tauhan ng ama mo."
She smiled and showed me a hat with a thin lace enough to cover up the face. I just dressed up to vibe with the island and we went out.
Good thing I just wore comfortable sandals dahil maglalakad lang pala kami. The island isn't too big but nakakapagod pa rin 'to ikutin ng lakad lang. I'm also not much of a walker.
Tala made sure to walk through where there isn't many houses to avoid people from seeing us. Though when we keep passing through other people, sa akin sila nakatingin. Tala said it's because I don't look like I'm from here and my face is new to them. Hindi rin naman kasi ako lumalayo doon sa kubo at sa bayan.
The island is mesmerizing. I'm glad tourists don't know this island or even big corporations that could harm the natural beauty of the island. But tourism could help improve the island.
Inabot na kami ng gabi sa pag-iikot and my legs are already hurting. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko na kaya humakbang pa but I still do dahil ayoko mag inarte.
"Ang ganda," I muttered when we arrived at the shore. This is at the different side of the island, not the same shore where we were dropped off by the boat. Sabagay, doon marami talagang tao, rito naman ay gubat na ang papasukin mo, and no houses were around.
Hindi ko pa napansin na may dala pala na sapin si Tala that we could sit in. She even brought food with her and said we'll eat dinner here.
"Ito ang pinakamagandang tanawin sa isla. Gustong gusto ko ang amoy ng karagatan," she suddenly said while staring at the sea. The cold breeze hit her face, and her hair was blown away. I just answered with a nod once again.
"Ngayon sunod na lang ito sa pinakamagandang tanawin sa isla."
I glanced at her and there was a faint smile on her face. She looked at me too and for a moment, we stared at each other. Nag iwas tingin lang ako when my eyes landed on her lips.
Calm the fuck down, Eclipse!
"Sabihin mo nga sa akin, Luna. . ."
Muling nag tama ang mga mata namin. She looks. . . sad?
"Hanggang kailan natin iiwasan ang nangyari?"
My lips parted. I want to act like I don't understand what she means but no words came out of my mouth.
"Hindi ko rin maintindihan ngunit nasasaktan ako," she gulped and suddenly held my hand. "Nasasaktan ako sa isipin na hindi na kita makakausap o mahahawakan."
Mabigat ang paghinga ko. I was just staring at our intertwined hands.
"Hindi ko maintindihan anong nangyari at bakit iniiwasan mo ako. Ngunit ang alam ko lang ay nasasaktan ako, Luna."
"I- I'm sorry," I mumbled. How do I explain to her that I just feel awkward because I initiated that kiss. After all, it was what's been on my mind the whole time. It's becoming too dramatic but not in a bad way.
"Kung ika'y naguguluhan, naiintindihan ko, ngunit hindi lamang ikaw ang naguguluhan, Luna. Hindi ko rin naiintindihan ano ba itong aking nararamdaman. Pakiramdam ko mali ngunit tama sa parehas na pagkakataon."
"What do you- I mean, anong ibig mong sabihin?"
She suddenly moved closer to me which made me freeze in my seat.
"Bukod sa parehas tayo na babae, hindi rin maganda sa paningin ng iba na ialay ang unang halik mo bago ang iyong kasal."
Can she be less straightforward? Natutunaw na 'yong tao sa kahihiyan oh.
"Ngunit sa paningin lamang ng iba 'yon." She leaned closer and that's when I start to stop breathing. The tension was insane. Namumungay na parehas ang mga mata namin habang papalapit nang papalapit ang mga mukha namin sa isa't isa. "Dahil kahit katiting na pagsisisi, wala akong naramdaman, Luna."
I felt a gush of electricity when she put one of her hand on my chin.
"Kung maaari, gusto ko na ulit ulitin ang nangyari nang gabing 'yon."
The tip of our noses hit, our tender eyes looking intently at each other.
"Maaari ba, Luna?"
I didn't have to answer, I just closed the distance between us and sealed our lips together.
We didn't move at first until she cupped my face to deepen the kiss. She guided my face to move in sync with hers.
We were panting when our lips parted. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko but I like how it felt.
She suddenly smiled while still panting. And damn, she looks so attractive. Her fingers brushed my cheek down to my lips.
Lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang bigla niyang halikan ang noo ko.
"Natatakot ako, Luna. . ."
My brows furrowed. "Ba- Bakit?"
"Natatakot ako sa mga kaya ko gawin manatili ka lamang sa tabi ko."