Roman's P.O.V
"Want to see something pretty?" Virgil asks.
"I've already seen you but sure," I say easily. He looks forward.
"Lux et chorus," he says and holds out his hand. All of the candles light up. The flames lift and fly straight to his hand. They begin to dance around in a circular formation. I smile as I watch them.
"Beautiful right?" he asks me. I look at him and see his eyes are glowing.
"Very," I say, not looking away from him. He glances at me and sees me looking at him. The flames all burst into little fireworks.
"Did you mean to do that?" I ask when he looks shocked.
"No. I lost focus. Good thing it was such a small spell," he says.
"Did I distract you?" I ask. He doesn't respond. He just waves his hands saying something under his breath. His eyes glow for a second before only the candle next to his bed reignites.
"Your eyes are absolutely beautiful," I tell him. He looks at me surprised before giving me a small smile. I look at his lips.
"I talked to Patton," he says, changing the subject.
"Yeah? What did you two talk about?" I ask, forcing myself to look him in the eye.
"Him writing to me and I told him it was okay if he called me by my name when we were alone or with you and Logan," he responds.
"I'm assuming you haven't spoken to Logan yet," I say and he nods.
"I'll talk to him before I leave for sure," he says. "He kind of intimidates me though," he adds.
"Yeah. Logan tends to do that," I say with a chuckle. He smiles, making me look back at his lips.
"I wonder if your lips are as soft as they look," I say out loud when I only meant to think it. He looks at me, mouth open with surprise. He then quickly closes it.
I move closer and lean in. He doesn't push me away so I kiss his lips before pulling back enough to look him in the eye. He's looking at me but not saying anything. Just as I'm about to apologize he looks down and bites back a smile. I would expect him to be angry. He looks back up and his smile is gone but he doesn't seem particularly upset.
"You're not mad?" I just have to ask.
"No," he says but doesn't elaborate on why not. Instead he seems to be struggling either with saying or doing something. I think this because he looks at me for a second then looks down and just barely shakes his head.
"Is there something you want to say?" I ask but he shakes his head.
"Is there something you want to do?" I ask. He doesn't respond but I can tell that I'm right and he wants to do something.
"Do you want to hit me?" I ask. Maybe he is mad about the kiss but doesn't want to hit me in fear of retaliation from my father.
"I mean you can if you want-" I try to say but he cuts me off.
"No! It's not that. I don't want to hit you. I want to.." he says but trails off.
"Whatever it is you want to do you can do it. It's only fair after I kissed you like that without permission," I tell him.
"I can do anything?" he asks and I nod.
"Close your eyes and no matter what happens keep them closed until I say so. Is that okay?" he asks. I respond by closing my eyes. Nothing happens for a long minute. Finally I feel a soft pressure on my lips. It lasts for only a second before it's gone. I keep my eyes closed as I promised.
"There. Now we're even," he says. "You can open your eyes now," he adds.
I open my eyes and look at him. He looks really flustered.
"What happens if I were to kiss you without permission again? Would you make it even by doing the same thing once more?" I ask.
"If your eyes were closed then maybe," he says, surprised but also flustered. I smile softly before leaning in and kissing him again just a bit longer. I close my eyes. After a moment he returns the gesture. This time though when he kisses me I kiss him back. He doesn't pull away like I kind of expected him to. He increases the pressure and I copy him. He seems to know what he's doing. I'm not clueless though. I reach up and grab the back of his neck as I sit up and turn fully towards him. He reaches out and grabs ahold of my shirt. I push forwards until he's forced onto his back. He lets go of my shirt and puts his hand on my side. We continue kissing. We keep turning our heads until we find what feels best.
There's something I want to try. Will he let me? He's let me go this far. I don't want to scare him away though because I don't want this moment to end. My brain stops for a second and then goes into overdrive when he does exactly what I wanted to. He opens his mouth and I do the same. Our tongues push back and forth until we are forced to pull away from air. I open my eyes and look down at him. He's looking at me surprised so I give him a smile.
"Definitely as soft as I imagined," I say and watch as his face flushes. That could just be a trick of the light but I doubt it. "Logan is going to kill me if he finds out about this," I say but am not too upset.
"Guess we better make sure he doesn't find out then," he says. I chuckle and lean down to kiss him again.
I think this is the best day of my life. My mother is going to flip when I tell her about this. She's probably the only person I'll tell about this because one; she already knows about our nightly visits and two; she'd keep it to herself until I'm ready to tell my father. Virgil lifts his knee in between my legs, making me gasp.
"Virgil," I say against his lips, unsure if he meant to do that.
"Yes?" he asks.
"Nothing," I say softly. We go back to kissing but I jump back when there's a knock on the door. Virgil and I look at each other in slight panic. If anyone and I mean anyone found out what we were doing we'd be in big trouble because we aren't married. Nor are we engaged.
"Maybe they'll just leave," I say just loud enough only Virgil can hear me. Another knock. The two of us hold our breath for a few seconds before finally we hear footsteps walking away. I sigh and hide my face in the crook of Virgil's neck.
"We shouldn't be doing this.." I say softly.
"I know," he says and I can hear his disappointment. I pull away from him.
We sit back next to each other.
"I should go and let you get some sleep," I tell him. He nods albeit sadly. I immediately feel bad because this only happened because I started it. I move to the end of the bed and stand up. Before I leave though I need to feel him one more time. I lean down and get him to look at me. Then I lean in and softly kiss him goodbye. He kisses me back before reluctantly pulling away. I walk over to his balcony as Virgil puts out the lights. I stand there for a moment and feel my heart break when I hear soft sniffling. He's crying.
Knowing there's nothing I can do to make this better I decide to leave. I climb up the grooves in the wall to the roof. I make my way back to my chambers. When I reach them I feel anger rush through me. Not at Virgil. Never at Virgil but instead at myself. I grab the nearest thing I can reach and throw it across the room. It crashes to the floor.
"Stupid!" I scold myself. A knock on my door gets my attention but I ignore it. I instead walk over to my bed, throw off my boots and climb into bed. I think over everything that happened and everything I want to happen. I like him but I don't think I'm ready. Besides, what if this is just a passing crush. That's why I asked my father to wait until I was 21 before looking for my future partner. I'm still immature. It's not fair to make him wait for me to be ready though. I fall asleep after a while of tossing and turning.
The next I wake up to the sound of my door opening.
"I'm sorry Roman. I tried to knock but you didn't answer," Logan says. "I tried to find you last night but you weren't here. Were you with His Highness Prince Virgil?" he asks.
"Yeah," I say, barely audible. He looks at me with concern but I brush him off and get up to get dressed.
"The prince is getting ready to leave. I was told to fetch you," he says.
"Already?" I ask as I change my shirt.
"Yes. They've been here long enough already and are anxious to get back to their kingdom," he explains. "If you want to see him off you should hurry," he adds. I get dressed quickly but make sure I'm presentable.
"Come on," I say as I leave my chambers. We leave my chambers and make our way to the front of the castle. I spot Virgil standing aside talking to my mother. I didn't expect her to see them off as well. I make my way over to them with Logan.
"Mother. May I speak with him for a moment?" I ask.
"Of course sweetie. Have a safe trip Virgil," she says to me and then to him. He looks at me.
"I wanted to apologize for last night. It was a mistake to do that and I am really sorry if I made things strange between us," I tell him. Virgil looks at me with an emotion I can't place. Then he gives me a fake smile. It probably looks real to others but I can tell.
"Don't worry about it. We'll still always be friends," he says in response.
"Uhh. Of course," I say back. He nods and turns to walk over to his father. I look at him helplessly. This is what's best. I don't want to lead him on but end up falling in love with someone else.
We're still young and are not ready to be engaged just yet. Plus I'm not sure I'm ready for what that entails just yet. Especially when I don't love him. When I am older though I'll have a better idea of how I feel. We have time. There's also the chance it's only a crush for him. I don't exactly regret kissing him. I just feel bad because I shouldn't have.
"Logan," I say to get my friend's attention.
"Yes?" He asks.
"When I apologized to him just now, what did it sound like to you?" I ask.
"Like you were apologizing for something you regret doing," he says.
"Oh no," I say and look at Virgil climbing up onto his horse. I can't say anything now. He must've misunderstood me.
"But I don't regret it," I say softly.
"Regret what exactly?" He asks.
"I'll tell you later," I say as I watch Virgil leave. I'll write to him and explain myself better. I say good morning to my parents before excusing myself. I'll find my mother later and ask for her advice.
"So. What exactly do you not regret doing to the prince?" Logan asks. I sigh and decide to tell him. Maybe he can give me some advice as well.
"Kissing him," I say just loud enough he can hear me. Logan stops walking and pulls me to a stop with him.
"You what?" he asks.
"I kissed him and he kissed me back. It was an in the moment thing. I don't regret it though. I like him. I do but I don't love him. I'm so stupid. That's why I apologized. Because I know I shouldn't have done it when we weren't together and I wasn't sure I loved him. That doesn't mean there's no chance of us ever being together. I could see myself falling in love with someone like him. When we're both a bit older, in a couple years, I'm sure I'll now. The last thing I wanted was to give him the impression that I regretted kissing him. I never meant to play with him like that," I explain.
Logan sighs.
"I told you to be careful with getting too close," he says.
"I know," I say back.
"Tell me everything," he says and I do. "If he does like you or even loves you then he may not want to wait. He likely thought that the kiss meant you were ready too. You probably hurt him when you apologized because it did sound like you regretted the kiss altogether," he tells me.
"How did he react after you said what you said and left?" he asks.
"As I was leaving I heard him start crying," I say barely audibly.
"Roman," he says disapprovingly.
"I know. I messed up," I say and start walking again.
"Give it a few days for him to get home and then write to him. Make it clear your intention. You can't expect him to wait until you're ready though if he doesn't want to," he says.
"All right. I'm gonna go talk to my mother," I say as I turn to go the other way.
I make my way to my parents' chambers. I'm fairly certain that she'll be there. When I reach it I knock on the door.
"Come in," I hear my mother's voice. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for her disappointment. I open the door then walk in.
"Mother," I say and walk over to the chair she's sitting in by the window. She has a content smile as she watches something out the window.
"Is something wrong Roman?" she asks when she looks and sees my face.
"I did something. Something I shouldn't have done and now I think Virgil may believe something I don't want him to believe. I really messed up," I tell her. She gestures for me to sit in the chair next to her.
"Tell me what happened," she says. I explain everything to her. Everything I did and everything that happened since last night. I can see that she's indeed disappointed.
"Roman. You shouldn't have done that. Prince Virgil is a sensitive boy. You shouldn't play with his heart," she says.
I sigh and put my head in my hands.
"I know that. It wasn't my intention I swear. It just kind of happened. I wasn't thinking because I was caught up in the moment. I'm aware that I've hurt him. I never wanted to do that. I like him but I don't love him. I'm not even totally sure I know what romantic love feels like. Even if I did, I'm not ready for love. Not yet. I should've had more self control," I tell her. She sighs and reaches over to grab my hand.
"You need to explain yourself to him. Explain that you do like him. Let him know why you aren't ready. If he wants to wait for you then he will. If he doesn't and just wants to be friends then respect that. You need to be mindful of his feelings," she tells me.
I nod saying, "I understand."
"I'll keep this from your father for now. As for your punishment, I want you to stay in your chambers for the rest of the day," she says. I sigh but nod.
"Alright. Love you," I say and stand up.
"Love you too sweetheart," she tells me as I leave her chambers. I make it back to my chambers and collapse at my table. I pull out some paper to start on the letter I'll send to Virgil. I write for hours and go through multiple sheets of paper before I finally finish my letter.
"Your Highness," Logan calls from outside my chambers.
"Come in," I say.
"I've brought some paper your father wants you to look through," he says.
"Bring them over. I'm confined to my chambers for the rest of the day so I have plenty of time to look over them," I tell him.
"Did Virgil ever talk to you?" I ask him.
"About writing to him?" he asks in return and I nod.
"Yes. I told him I'd be delighted to. That I had some questions to ask him anyways," he says.
"Good," I say and gesture him over.