ᴊᴜɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴏɴᴅ ʙᴏʏ
as i thought more and more about my aunt and uncle's story i felt the tears prick in my eyes once again. sighing heavily, i fell back against my pillows and wiped my hands over my face. tonight was a complete roller coaster of emotions.
i felt the exhaustion wash over me again and fought back sleep as i waited for my aunt to bring up my food again.
stay awake, june. stay awake.
it was like the universe was screaming STAY THE FUCK AWAKE at me, because my window slid open behind me. i knew exactly who it would be, so i pretended to be asleep. i couldn't talk to him. not tonight.
"fuck." i heard him mutter, followed by a loud thud and a wince. if it weren't for the circumstances i probably would've laughed at his poor attempt to sneak in quietly, but tonight i wasn't having it.
it was silent for a moment until i heard him sigh heavily. "i know you're awake, june. you never sleep on that side."
i rolled my eyes and fought the urge to shake my head. he knew me too well. way too well. i prayed silently for my aunt to walk in and save me by kicking his ass out.
he groaned. "come on, jay. talk to me." he said.
silence.
"you're killing me, whitlock." he sighed again. fucking asshole. he knew exactly how to win me over. but i wouldn't break. not this time.
he plopped down on the other side of my bed and took a deep breath. "look, i know i should've told you. i know. and i tried, i fuckin' tried so hard— that night, at the party. that was when i found out, and as soon as i did, i tried telling you but i got stopped by russell when he left you to say hi to me." he emphasized. i could feel the bed shift a bit, probably from him lifting his hands to do air quotes as i could see in the corner of my eye.
"then i almost beat his ass right there. he left though, then i tried telling you again but fuckin' hayden pulled you away, and that's when i fell asleep." he explained thoroughly. "then on easter when i came over i was gonna tell you, but you were so excited about him asking you out and i felt like a total douche so i couldn't fucking get the balls to say it— then he called and came over." he said, stopping to catch his breath. "and i'm sorry. for waiting so long to tell you and for.. just— this whole night in general. it fucking sucked, and it was supposed to be good, and happy, and your night, but then stupid danny started running his mouth and i socked him and that's when i went to find you to take you home, then... well, you know what happened after that." he rambled. i could see his hands waving around in the corner of my eye.
where the fuck was i supposed to go from there? i was angry. angry that he didn't tell me, but it wasn't his fault. i let out a breath that i wasn't aware i was holding and rested my body.
"i knew you were awake, you bitch." i could hear him smiling as he crawled over and poked my side. i couldn't help but laugh as he started tickling my stomach. "you really had me pour my feelings out to you just for this?" he said through his laughter.
"stop! stop!" i yelped, flailing my limbs around to get him off me. eventually he flopped down right on top of me with his head resting on my stomach.
"i'm just so—" i let out an annoyed sigh, rubbing my eyes with my palms. "angry. and sad. and confused, and happy." i whined. i could feel his laughter vibrating against my body. "i don't fucking know!"
the overwhelming emotions came back yet again as i felt tears stream down the side of my face. i was sure james couldn't tell until my body began shaking and my crying became audible. i felt his curls tickle my stomach as he moved to look up at me. "hey, don't cry." he said, crawling up closer to me. i could tell he was probably annoyed with how much my mood would shift but he comforted me anyway, cradling my head into his hands and pulling me closer to his chest as he sat against the headboard.
"you don't have to deal with him again, okay? he's gone."
i wasn't sure if that had a hidden meaning behind it or if it was just one of the sweet nothings he continued whispering.
"i don't get it. i just don't get it!" i cried. "he's an asshole. that's their nature, it's not your fault."
i was embarrassed that james had to see me like this. he wasn't just hearing me cry and seeing me shake, he could feel it too. i kept my eyes closed to hide from the embarrassment and the terrified look i half-expected to be on his face. i prepared for him to chuckle awkwardly or move away.
but he didn't— instead, he started stroking my hair softly and leaving kisses on my temples.
james was stroking my hair and kissing me— well, my forehead. my mind went blank and my breathing hitched. just then, all the bad thoughts about russell and my mom, and everything else that had me breaking down, were gone, and my brain was stripped of all negativity and replaced with james.
james. james. james.
the shaking stopped. it actually stopped. normally it would take a while for my body to stop its self naturally, but this time it was the warmth and safety that was james' embrace.
"see, just like that. you're okay." i felt his boice boom through his chest, against my ear. "i'm okay." i nodded, catching my breath. i rubbed my forehead that was beginning to ache and realized i'd been holding onto james for dear life, with my left hand gripped firmly to his shirt on his right shoulder, and my other hand held onto the hem.
james' hair fell in front of my face as he leaned over and took the medicine from my bedside table, handing it to me then getting the water. "thanks." i croaked, tossing the pills in my mouth and grabbing the cup as he guided it to my mouth. after i took a sip, i wiped my mouth and blurted, "i can drink myself, asshole. thanks."
he only laughed and loosened his hold on me a bit. shoving the glass back into his hand, i punched his shoulder. he gave me a look of what was that for? and rubbed his shoulder. "fucking idiot." i kept on hitting his chest. "quit it!" he barked, grabbing ahold of my wrists. "what is your problem?" he pulled back to look at me.
"you! you're my problem!" my voice was just below a yell. "why am i your problem?" he frowned.
"because." i grumbled, moving away from him and crossing my arms over my chest.
"what'd i do?" he held his hands up in defense.
"you know what you did." i huffed, tucking my hair behind my ears roughly.
"beat russell's ass?" he leaned back, resting on his elbows as he kicked his shoes off his feet that hung over the edge of the bed.
"yes. and don't get comfortable, you're not sleeping here."
"i just did what everyone else wanted to do." he shrugged. he was being way too cocky. "no, shut up." i mumbled.
"i don't get why you're mad at me." he blinked.
"because! look at you!" i gestured my hand to his face. "what? you're upset over a little scratch?"
i snorted. "a scratch? go take a look in the mirror, tough guy." he shrugged, leaving the room and entering the bathroom.
"gnarly." i heard him say as i entered the bathroom behind him.
"go downstairs." i ordered, motioning for him to leave the bathroom. he raised an eyebrow at me. "go." i repeated. he did as i said, going downstairs while i grabbed towels from under the sink and wet them.
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