Author's Note: I haven't seen nearly all the Vaderkin time travels out there, but I've still never seen one that actually focused on his trauma post-ROTJ. So, that's what this is going to focus on. :D There will be a background plot going on, but there will not be much action.
Also, I've never seen anyone actually address what it would mean for Vaderkin to have been redeemed post-ROTJ. Most of the time, people just write him as Vader somewhat drawing on the Light, and that is *not* redemption, so that is not how he will be written here.
If you don't like this portrayal, I'm sure almost every other Vaderkin time traveling the fandom can fit what you want to see. =)
~ Tirana Sorki
This is a gift request for @moxo-mx on tumblr. I'm not sure what you wanted to see for this fic, so I hope that you enjoy how it turned out! ^-^
We'll be posting weekly on Tuesday! :D
~ Amina Gila
The light is bright, painfully so, though there shouldn't be light here. He's gone, dead. Or is this the afterlife? Or worse? Anakin raises an arm to block out the light – why do people always leave bright lights on when someone is, or was, unconscious? The room feels... strangely familiar, and he recognizes the smell instantly. He always hated it, but it's so much worse now, after... Vader. "Is this hell?"
The laugh that sounds freezes him entirely, his mind screeching to a dead halt. He's missed it so much, even if he can't say why, because this is the man who hurt him unimaginably. "For you, padawan mine, always."
What confuses him more is how the pain in his body isn't as he remembers it – it's something else entirely. It's minor enough that he doesn't think twice of it, instead, pulling his eyes open. "Master," he rasps, laying eyes on Obi-Wan for the first time since...
Since he killed him.
It floods him with shame as it often does – Anakin knows he had wanted it then and that he often had, but he... Not now. The better question would be why Obi-Wan is here, and how they're both here. It doesn't make sense.
He's unsurprised he can't bear to face him, but it's worse than he imagined it would be. "Master, I'm so sorry," he begins. It's a half-formed apology, and a mostly incomprehensible one, but it's one he owes, nevertheless.
Obi-Wan still looks amused, for some reason. He reaches over, touching Anakin's arm. The sensation is jarring, foreign. It's the first time he's felt anyone in years. The first time he's really touched someone except Obi-Wan when they fought on Mustafar. It's been twenty-three years. Touch has become completely foreign to him. He looks down at Obi-Wan's hand, half expecting him to pull away or for it to hurt because this is probably a dream though he knows it's not – he died. He did.
His mind isn't working like he's used to, but everything feels different, and he pushes himself up with a start, leaning forwards to wrap his arms around Obi-Wan. It's jarring to feel so much, but he doesn't care. It's been way too long. He has no idea how lonely he'd felt until right now. The sane part of his mind yells at him to let go but he doesn't care right now.
"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks, sounding mildly freaked out.
No. Maybe. He doesn't know. He doesn't answer the question, either. He doesn't move, but he's more human than he has been in years. He's breathing on his own and – and he barely remembers how to. He doesn't really remember, anymore.
Obi-Wan very awkwardly wraps an arm around his shoulders and just... holds him. "If I knew you were this desperate for hugs, I would have sent Ahsoka in here," he grumbles.
"Ahsoka?" Anakin repeats faintly, heart twisting painfully. The last time he saw her was on Malachor when he... they fought. He thought there was a reason, but there wasn't – he didn't die there like he should have.
He thinks he understands it now, because if he had died there, he wouldn't have been able to save Luke.
"She was sent with Master Unduli to bring Gunray back to Coruscant."
Gunray? What?! He honestly thought this was some sort of... afterlife, but that doesn't make sense! "What?" Anakin frowns, tilting his head back. He realizes abruptly that he should keep his distance. It's only fair, but he doesn't want to let go. It's been far too long.
"Do you know where you are?" Obi-Wan asks. He seems concerned now.
He glances around the room. It's in a medbay. Maybe. "What happened?" Anakin asks, glancing down at himself. He looks... He's dressed in the same Jedi robes he used to wear during the Clone Wars, which doesn't make sense. He shouldn't be here. It's the past.
"I heard you landed yourself here from another reckless stunt – I wasn't there to see." Obi-Wan finally pries Anakin's grip off him and steps back.
He's used to having what he wants taken from him, but he still misses the contact so much it hurts. It's ridiculous how much it makes him want to cry; he hasn't wanted to since Sidious left him on Mustafar, and he put himself back together that time – finally realizing how completely alone he is. He had let it fuel the Dark Side then, but he won't now. (He still remembers pulling himself up the embankment a second time, memories of last time burning quite literally in his mind, rekindling his long-dead hatred towards his old master. It had died with Obi-Wan himself but was... briefly reborn then.) Luke had asked him to come back, and he'll do it.
Luke wouldn't accept him unless he came back. He said it himself. (No one would.)
"You're on the Resolute," Obi-Wan continues.
"That's impossible," he replies incredulously. "The Resolute was destroyed twenty-five years ago."
"What drugs did they put you on?" Obi-Wan asks, equally disbelieving. "Are you alright, Anakin?"
Something here isn't adding up. He... should have died, but he's clearly quite alive. He feels more than he ever has. He feels sore, and a little tired, but that's nothing compared to what he's so accustomed to. It's the first time he's been able to feel, the longest he's been in the air, in... it's been a long time.
He's breathing freely, and it's... He doesn't know what's happening. This shouldn't be possible. It – Sidious killed him.
He's seen the world for years through a red-tinted visor, and he'd forgotten what it's like to see with his own eyes. He did, once, as he was dying, but that was so fast and fleeting.
Slowly, hesitantly, he reaches into the Force. If he doesn't know what's happening, that's maybe the one place he can find answers. Obi-Wan's presence is in front of him, as strong and brilliant as he remembers it from years ago. He feels young, not like he had last felt on the Death Star. He's missing that trace of darkness. Anakin can't say how much he missed this presence.
He'd know the feel of the clones anywhere, and that's all it takes to confirm what Obi-Wan told him. It doesn't make sense. This is the past, so why...?
His mind feels different, too. He can't place it, but his bonds are... different. Obi-Wan's is the strongest, bright, and pulsing with life. Then there's Ahsoka, his padawan – their mostly formed bond isn't half as strong as his own with Obi-Wan, but it's more brilliant in its own way. On the other end she's far brighter and wilder than Anakin ever remembers her having been. His Snips.
You killed her.
He even feels Padme, though their bond is significantly dimmer than the one he shares with Ahsoka.
He senses Sidious, too – likely only because he knows how to find him.
He killed them. All of them – everyone he once loved.
He knew he would die when he killed Sidious, and he didn't care, because it's what he'd wanted. He still does – he doesn't deserve to be here after everything he's caused.
Obi-Wan is looking at him worriedly, and Anakin senses his concern – that makes it worse. So much worse. Guilt is crushing him. What have you done? Obi-Wan turns towards the doorway, about to leave, and Anakin pushes himself up, desperate to say something, anything, first. This isn't his Obi-Wan – apparently – but he still owes him an apology, and he has so many questions.
And he really, really doesn't want to be alone right now.
Unfortunately, the movement is badly misjudged – it was meant for someone taller and twice the weight, so instead of standing he crashes off-balance forwards, landing most ungracefully on his knees, narrowly missing the wall. He can feel it, though. He can feel what the floor feels like under his left hand.
"What are you doing?" Obi-Wan asks incredulously, turning around again.
"Trying," he grumbles, "To stand up." He braces himself on the wall to steady himself as he stands – years ago, he would have been ashamed to show it, but that's mostly lost on him now. He's... used to it. He had to be. It was no secret he was a cyborg and couldn't function normally, after all.
"Did you consider if you can't, perhaps you shouldn't be trying?" he asks mildly. He's missed hearing that voice so much, even if part of him warns him to keep a distance.
"That won't help," Anakin responds, because it's the truth. It won't. He needs to get used to this again. He needs to learn how to walk again. Once it might have been shameful, maybe it still is, but he's accustomed to – to being unable to do anything a normal sentient being can do.
"I'll be back soon," Obi-Wan replies with an exasperated shake of his head before leaving, "And don't even think about going anywhere."
Standing feels wrong. Everything is wrong – it's not what he's used to, but it's him, and Anakin has long forgotten how it felt to be... himself. Even if Luke had helped him let go of the Dark, he knew he could never restore what he'd lost – any of it.
He feels lost. If he's in the past, it means he'll be considered a Jedi again by everyone, and he doesn't know if he can handle that. He doesn't know what he'd do or where he would go if he weren't – he's always been part of the governing system, whether by choice or not. He can't trust the Council anymore though – not as if he ever truly tried.
He doesn't know what point in time this is. Obi-Wan had said something about Ahsoka being gone to bring Gunray to the Republic, but Anakin has no recollection of that. He'd been the one to kill Gunray, after all, but...
Now that he has a moment of silence to think about it, he remembers something about that mission. Ventress intercepted them, and that's when the sudden realization kicks in. If Anakin can stop her, if he can get Gunray safely to the Republic, it might be one step in the direction of taking down Sidious.
Again.
That's all he cares for. If Sidious is gone, his family will be safe.
(If he's gone, his family will be safe.)
Anakin has... never been used to doing anything on his own. He never has and never will – he's accepted that years ago. It doesn't bother him like it once may have, but he knows one thing with certainty – that he will stop Sidious. The only problem he has now is getting out of his cruiser unnoticed, but he's had plenty of experience. Even Vader could be invisible if he wanted to be, though Anakin hasn't needed to do that in years – especially not with the Light. He... doesn't know how to.
The Light gave back his son, Anakin reminds himself. He can trust in it. He can trust in the Force, no matter if he can't trust its wielders. Now, if he could just figure out how to get to that door...
***
Obi-Wan will be furious, but... that also doesn't hurt like it once did. Instead, it passes as a simple knowledge, a fact to which he has long become accustomed to. He deserves far, far more.
Part of him wonders if trying to help Ahsoka won't make it worse like it so often did, but he saved Luke.
That has to mean something.
Crawling around a vent system he hasn't so much as thought about entering for years is a nightmare, but he remembers enough to make his way to the hangar and take off in his fighter successfully, though Anakin is certain everyone is looking for him by now. It would be easier if he could move properly on his own, without constantly miscalculating his size and everything – not to mention, he keeps getting distracted with the feel of everything – but it's easier to crawl than walk, and he can use the Force to assist his movements.
Obi-Wan will be furious, but if they capture Gunray, it's one step closer to revealing Sidious. The fight itself has already begun when he arrives – he can see the boarding ships the Separatists used.
The battle is a diversion, of course, so Ventress can get to Gunray. Landing amidst the chaos is easy, though it takes time for him to track down the Neimoidian's current position. The Force guides him, though. Walking the halls of these cruisers is... strange. It reminds him of days long gone, days he tried so hard to leave behind him. Sidious never liked it when he dwelt on his past, and after Luke, he understands why. It was a link to something lighter, something that could help him find a life beyond being his master's slave.
It almost did with Obi-Wan. It would have, if his master hadn't abandoned him again. He forces away the immediate swell of bitterness and betrayal.
His heart is pounding when he enters the lift to take him to the prison level, to Gunray's current position. Ahsoka was supposed to be guarding him and going there will mean reuniting with her. He doesn't know if he's capable of looking this child in the eye after how everything went down. He's hardly physically capable of a fight with a lightsaber, but he'll have to be ready. It's not as though he had time to reaccustom himself right after he got the armor, either. Sidious sent him off on his first mission almost immediately thereafter, uncaring, and he has dealt with it ever since.
He's accustomed to living in constant pain, but not to being only partly coordinated. It's frustrating, but he forces that back and focuses. He has to move slowly, with measured steps as he rebalances himself, or draw on the Force to steady himself. It will take time, of course, but that is a post-battle concern.
Here and now, he's about to see Ahsoka again. He's about to stand face-to-face with his padawan, the one he hasn't seen in so many years, who he failed time and time again. He shouldn't even have her. How is he supposed to handle her looking up to him, calling him 'master'? He doesn't deserve that title.
The door hisses open, and he steps out into a control room. Senate guards and clones alike are standing throughout this room and the next.
They're not what his focus is, though. Down the hall and in the next room, the one where Gunray is, stands Ahsoka, one hand on her lightsaber and the other opposite it on her belt. She's so... tiny. And light. (How many children this young has he killed?)
"Master?" she asks, confused. The sound of her voice jars him, and if he didn't see her standing in front of him, it would take him a moment to remember it's her. Her voice is forever ingrained into his mind, but he forgot what she used to sound like when she was this young. "What are you doing here?" She sprints forwards, entering the room he's in.
He can't breathe. Can hardly think. That's his padawan. Here and alive. "I'm here to help," he forces himself to say. "The risk of letting you fight Ventress alone was too great."
"You don't trust me to handle myself?" she asks, visibly offended.
That hurts for some reason. He doesn't know why, because he deserves far more than that. She should hate him. He's her enemy of sorts – he was a Sith, and she's a Jedi. He may have embraced the Light once more, but that doesn't change what he did. What he would have done, rather, because time was rewound. He's in the past, but that doesn't make it matter any less than it did before.
"Ahsoka, no," he argues. "It's not that. It's..." Oh Force. He has no idea what he's doing, does he?
He doesn't have a chance to rethink his decision. He sensed the darkness already, but it's much closer now. It resembles that which many of the Inquisitors carried. "Ventress." He draws his lightsaber – it hums oddly in his hands, but it still feels like it belongs to him. After everything that's changed, he would've thought it wouldn't.
Lightsabers stab down through the ceiling, rapidly slicing a circle. Ventress jumps down, landing gracefully on the table in the center of the room, throwing the two Senate guards into the walls. "If it isn't the hairless harpy," Ahsoka snips, holding up her lightsaber.
"Stay back," Anakin warns, stepping in front of her protectively. It's the first in a very, very long time that he's been overwhelmed by protectiveness. He felt it with Luke, too, but it was dwarfed because he couldn't let himself be distracted. Sidious would have felt it, like he feels everything.
"If it isn't Skywalker and his filthy, obnoxious little pet," she snarls.
His anger flares, and he does his best to let it go. Anger leads to the Dark Side. It's... not good.
"How nice of you," his padawan answers sweetly, holding a hand to her chest. "Tell you what. We'll give you a merciful death."
It's probably the first time in his life – at least the first since he was ten – that he feels something at the thought of killing someone. He doesn't even know why – it hasn't bothered him for many years. But the thought of it, making the decision on his own to end someone's life doesn't... feel right. It's not his place. He's killed enough people in his life and as a Sith. He doesn't... want to do that again. Never again.
Ventress jumps down at him, slamming her lightsabers against his. He's not used to fighting without his armor – obviously – and it gives him a serious disadvantage. He doesn't remember how many weaknesses a mostly human body has. He blocks her, anyway, refusing to give ground.
It will be unnecessarily difficult and dangerous to win this through lightsaber combat, he realizes. He shoves her back with the Force – that is also greatly misjudged. What it used to take as Vader to draw on the Force was... different. It flowed through him more sluggishly, came less easily. It forced him to delve deeper into it – it made him stronger, and he may have forgotten how much that changed, too. The Force is overwhelming now, like what he remembers from a lifetime ago. Instead of throwing her back a few feet, she's flung across the room and into the wall, with a grunt.
Ventress catches herself as she always does, flipping through the air at them with a growl of fury.
Anakin sidesteps as she flips over his head, but she lands by Ahsoka, trying wildly to chop her in two. Ahsoka blocks the blades with rapid precision, though her moves are short, sloppy.
Drawing the Force to him, Anakin lunges at Ventress. Their fight is fast and furious, but he suspects it's obvious who would come out on top from the start. He hasn't fought with the Light for so many years, he hardly remembers how to. It's foreign to him, and the only familiar thing about the situation is how his head spins if he moves too fast – maybe Obi-Wan was right that he should have stayed a little longer – and he doesn't know how to time the placement and strength of his moves anymore.
He slams against the control panels, landing awkwardly on the floor and pushing himself up. It's truly humiliating how fast it was that he went down. He's far older than Ventress now. He was a fully trained Sith once, and a Jedi Knight. He killed Sidious, but he just lost to no more than an assassin. Ahsoka is on Ventress's other side in the hall now, and Anakin stalks towards them. "Surrender," he orders. She's surrounded now, with Anakin and Ahsoka on either side, and the walls on another.
She hooks her lightsabers to her belt, but Anakin sees her smirk – she planned for this. He doesn't remember this, but he can still predict it clearly. A light on her comm system starts flashing red, and the ship jolts violently.
Anakin anticipated it. He holds his balance, thankfully, but Ahsoka goes down. Ventress flips over Anakin, bolting for the elevator. She jumps through the doors, stabbing her lightsabers into the walls as she falls. Anakin takes off after, Ahsoka right behind. He pauses in front of it, turning back to his... padawan. "Stay here," he orders firmly. "Stay here and protect Gunray, no matter what the cost is. Understand?"
"Yes, Master," she grumbles.
"Stay here," he repeats firmly, hoping that she understands he is not up for games or arguments on this. Maybe sometimes, but not now. He jumps after. The Force guides him as he follows. Ventress can't escape, and he knows she'll try to come back. Maybe it's a diversion again – it probably is, but her capture will also be... beneficial.
It's not hard to track down Ventress, even without the Force. She left a trail of dead behind, and he's too accustomed to it for it to affect him.
"Why are you here, Skywalker?"
Luminara. He sensed her approach, but he hadn't thought he'd encounter her either – he'd been so focused on Ventress. It's... he doesn't know. Anakin hasn't seen another Jedi not on the opposite side in a very, very long time. And this is one he remembers from his past as Vader. He hadn't been the one to kill her when she was captured after Order 66, but he still remembers her death. "I came to help," he replies shortly. "I will explain later." Again, he wonders if it was the right choice or if this, too, was as the Force willed it. Is it truly his place to interfere if it is? How can he know he isn't here only to... relive this again?
They enter the engine room together, lightsabers ignited. Anakin tries not to let the oddity of the situation get to him. Even from outside the door, the smell of smoke hits him. The room is filled with the golden-orange glow of fire. Even from here, right at the entrance, he can see it burning furiously down below, can feel the heal of it.
Memories assault his mind instantly, the last time he felt fire, that burning all-consuming agony as it consumed him, as it – No, he can't get distracted with any of that right now. He needs to focus. He shies away from the memories that are automatically pulled to the forefront of his mind. Now is not the time to dwell on it. It's hard though, especially now that he can feel the heat of it on his skin, as clearly as he could back then. He hasn't really felt anything since. He feels... oddly detached from everything as he reaches farther into the Force, trying to let its Light flood and fuel him. He walks down the walkway with slow, measured steps.
He can sense Ventress clearly. She's hiding, trying to ambush them. Anakin senses her though, through her heavy shielding. She obviously has some reason for luring them out here to fight, and he senses something else in the Force. There is something else dangerous here, a sensation he normally feels around explosives. She's rigged this entire room a second time, hasn't she? She must know she has no way of winning against them both. It's a smart trick, but he knows better. Luminara keeps moving, and Anakin follows. Ventress must still have a way out marked, which means they can find one, too.
She isn't going to come out of hiding, is she? They're dangerously close to the first bomb now, and Ventress is trying to lure them there. But they can't go back, or they're going to lose her. Danger flares through the Force and Anakin jumps the rest of the way towards the center structure, narrowly avoiding the explosion. Luminara lands at the very edge of what's left.
Years ago, he may have gone to help. He doesn't now – she's a Jedi Master. Ventress is the mission. He sees it next, a small vent that Ventress is no doubt intending to go through. He's careful to make no outward indication that he sees it, but he does. It's impossible to miss. Something's coming, the Force warns, and he spins around.
Ventress jumps down at Luminara with a yell, lightsabers raised for the kill. Anakin throws a Force-shove at her, and she falls down. He sprints to the edge and looks down – she's not dead. She's on a lower platform, and she takes off immediately. The Force flares again, and Anakin jumps down onto the walkway Ventress is on as a second bomb goes off where he was standing before. The flames are hotter down here, the smoke thicker, as it burns furiously, oh so close to him. Too close.
No, he doesn't have time for that right now. Phantom pain burns in his right arm, a glaring reminder of – of everything that happened that day. (This is not long after he lost his first limb, he remembers distantly.)
Ventress jumps onto another walkway with the Force. Pursuit is pointless. The only way to stop her is to cut her off.
He circles around the room, jumping from one place to another. It's difficult to breathe through the heat and the smoke. He hasn't been so exposed to these things since Malachor, and that was different. He wasn't surrounded by fire. He hasn't done something like this since... he fought Obi-Wan on Mustafar.
The memories are burning stronger now, of being trapped there, reaching for the only person he once thought would always save him, and the flames crawling across his skin, and –
He follows anyway, jumping from one point to another. He needs to get there before she does.
He cuts her off successfully, meeting her at her last jump to it. It was almost too late, and he hates how he always seems nearly a moment too slow. What is wrong with him? He never had a problem with it as Vader.
Luminara is on the assassin's other side, her lightsaber raised. She doesn't have a way out this time. Ventress cackles, drawing her own blades again. She goes for Anakin first, but he catches her with the Force, pulling her lightsabers away and throwing them into the fire far below. Luminara moves forwards to cuff her. "I will take her to the prison level," the Jedi Master declares.
Anakin nods, exhaustion suddenly filling him, but he pushes past it as he always does. There is no time for it.
That's when his comm suddenly beeps. "Master, Gunray's getting away!" Ahsoka yells. She sounds angry. No, furious. "One of the Senate Guards turned on us! He took us all by surprise."
"Lock down the hangar and escape pods," he orders sharply, and takes off. There is no time to waste.
Amidst the chaos, they make it to the hangar and steal a shuttle, anyway. Anakin skids to a stop nearby just in time to see it taking off. No. They need Gunray to reveal Sidious. Anakin cannot afford to have it any other way. Sidious will hurt his whole family. He can't let that happen. Not now, not ever.
He reaches into the Force deeper, until it's all he can feel. He can sense every presence on this ship, even Ventress's rage and Ahsoka's anger and fear. He can sense every movement around him, but now he reaches outwards, beyond the cruiser to the escaping ship. The Force wraps around it, holding it in place.
Something feels... strange. Off. Wrong. He doesn't know what and it doesn't matter. He gives it no thought as he pulls the shuttle back towards the cruiser. Ahsoka is... close. He can sense her and her fear, though he doesn't know why. He feels... completely detached as he reaches farther, deeper, until he can feel the internal movements of the machines themselves. His mind rips through the shuttle's power system, deactivating the hyperdrive and shutting down the power system when it tries to fight back. He pulls it back towards the cruiser, back through the ray shield.
His vision is oddly fuzzy and dark, or maybe it's how he's only now returning to his body.
He hears Ahsoka yelling his name from what sounds like very far away – maybe the far side of the hangar – fear pouring off her in waves before his vision abruptly blacks out.
Final Notes: If you want to join our Discord to receive updates or just hang out, here's the invite link, and please delete the spaces! :) discord . gg / nqSxuz2
You can find us on tumblr at @fanfictasia (which is our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and @disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes; we also advertise our SW gift exchanges on there)
And! We have a YT channel for tributes! Please delete the spaces in the link. :D youtube . com / channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA
Finally, if you're interested, you can submit a SW gift fic request via the following form (delete the spaces): forms . gle / rmXWtRomMMaULuPa6