Monday
Flourish and Blotts
Hermione sighed as she dropped onto a bench in the furthest corner of the shop. The new arrivals for the week piled up neatly next to her. She tried to avoid Pansy's gaze from across the narrow aisle where she already sat with a smug grin on her face.
"How is blondie?"
Hermione shrugged her shoulders whilst her best friend eyed her curiously. She had come to get the gossip; but she had nothing to report.
"A shrug? Really?! That's what I get for having my party ruined by that nutter?"
Hermione's eyes shot up in shock.
"It wasn't Draco's fault."
Pansy rolled her eyes.
"Don't get your knickers all twisted... I was talking about Weasley."
"Oh..." Hermione had done it again; assumed that everybody thought it had been Draco's fault. That he had been the one to provoke the fight. She still didn't know what exactly had happened Saturday night, but his reaction had told her more than words could have. He had been hurt by her ignorant assumptions.
"So? What was he thinking? I swear when I see him again, I'm going to personally hex him to pieces. Draco must be livid... can't believe he didn't even have his wand at ready."
"I don't know, Pansy. He didn't want to talk about it."
Hermione's heart felt heavy when she thought about the look on his face when she had confronted him. She looked away quickly to not see her friend's reaction.
"Are you sure he's alright?" Pansy's eyebrows were raised higher than Hermione thought humanly possible when dared to take another look at her.
"I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Draco like a brother these days, but he's prone to dwell in fictional descriptions of how he barely escaped his grave. May I remind you how long it took him to get over a scratch on his arm from this Hippogriff in third year?"
"I asked him what happened, and we ended up fighting about nothing."
Pansy kept quiet for a while; a rare occasion to make Hermione feel even more anxious. She frowned and began to tie her hair in a knot to busy her hands. She felt defeated just thinking about the fight again.
"Well at least he couldn't keep his eyes off you the entire evening. Did you notice?"
Words that could have been intended to tease a reaction from her were spoken too softly to be meant to sting.
Hermione had eventually admitted to Pansy on Saturday that she had fallen for Draco. Her feelings for him were far more intense than anything she'd experienced before. It was addicting and frustrating at the same time. Here she was, licking her wounds like an animal after she had done the one thing he had asked her not to do: to fall for him. She just hadn't been able to deny her heart the ache.
Pansy continued with a gleam of excitement in her soft voice, "He said he thinks you're amazing."
"He told you that?" Her heart skipped a beat at imagining him say the words, but she had fallen for her naïve heart just days ago. When he had said he'd never felt anything like this – when she had thought for just a moment that he reciprocated her feelings for him. Just to find that he had meant the thrill of fucking her specifically. It had been humbling; and Pansy's words threatened to be one of those misunderstandings.
"Not exactly," Pansy shrugged her shoulders. "I told him you're amazing and he agreed."
"You promised me not to say anything to him! Pansy!?" Hermione's voice broke in disbelief. She wasn't sure if the shame for her one-sided feelings were bigger than the betrayal.
"I didn't! I swear on Salazar's grave...." she threw her hands in the air as a proof of her innocence. "We talked about his feelings, not yours. I promise."
At this, her chin barely raised to look at her friend. She wore a careful smile on her lips which had Hermione's shoulder sink in defeat. "Saying someone is amazing doesn't imply a certain feeling."
"I see the way he looks at you. If you'd just tell him how you feel-"
"I did."
"-you'd be surprised- wait, what?!"
Pansy sat up straight and almost slipped off the bench. "Why didn't you lead with that, silly!"
"Because he was very clear about not sharing the same sentiment."
Pansy cocked a brow at her in disbelief. "What exactly did you tell him? Did you just implicate something to make him guess what you really mean? You do that sometimes..."
"Well yes, I mean... I tried to be as clear as possible. I told him that I've never felt anything like this before."
Pansy's look resembled a mixture of surprise and acknowledgment for her bravery. She clearly hadn't expected Hermione to speak up.
She continued with a beaten drop in her voice. "He said that he feels this way about the sex and when I clarified that I wasn't talking about the sex, he... well...he said..."
She was intimidated by the way her friend held her breath anxiously.
"He said..." Hermione took a deep breath and mocked his words with a poor imitation of Draco's low voice "'I like you, Granger. I really do.'"
The silence which followed was only interrupted by Pansy's sigh. Hermione wasn't sure why she didn't feel the need to argue with her. She could only guess that her friend felt almost as desperate as she had at that revelation. Pansy had been so fixated with the idea of Hermione and Draco falling for each other that the truth must have stung.
Hermione shifted on the bench and leaned forward to make sure the front of the shop was still empty. It had been a quiet day and Maril was currently running errands on Diagon Alley.
Pansy sat still and didn't even move when Hermione met her gaze with a frustrated groan.
"I mean, what was I supposed to say to that? 'Oh thank you Draco, I'm glad to hear you like me enough to sleep with me. Good talk.'"
Silence.
"Say something, please?"
Pansy sighed.
"Draco is different, Hermione. It's not easy for him to talk about his feelings. It never has been."
"I understand, but I-"
"See I don't think you truly understand. It's hard to understand if you weren't around when he was growing up. He was taught to swallow down every little feeling that would have allowed him to become his own person. If he'd had a say in any of his upbringing, I don't even think he would have followed the Dark Lord. He's very loyal and proud, he'd rather bite off his tongue to make himself vulnerable. He's just scared."
Hermione felt her heart sink, remembering how he had told her about never having shared his panic attacks with anyone. How alone he must have felt during that time. Had she done him so wrong? Had she smothered him with her confession after his admission? She took another deep breath.
"Look, I've never seen either of you so... consumed with another person. I'm not defending his talent to make things more complicated than they have to be, not at all. Maybe he just needs a little more encouragement and help with all of this..."
Hermione thought about her words thoroughly. Until now she had thought she wanted to be with Draco; blinded by their physical chemistry. If she was being honest with herself though she had to admit that she didn't know much about him at all. The only thing she knew was that they had nothing in common. Hermione loved to talk about her feelings and thoughts; she hadn't been able to do that with Draco because she had felt intimidated by his urge to keep her at arm's length. As protective as he could be of her, the more protective he seemed to be of himself.
"I don't know if I can do this, Pansy. Clearly I have no idea who Draco really is, and if he won't be able to open up to me then I don't know how this is ever going to change. I mean... Maybe I'm just putting him on a pedestal after everything that happened with Ronald. Draco is so different, so... good to me, but maybe it's just too early. I feel like my emotional are all over the place with him."
The two witches looked at each other cautiously. It felt good to be honest after trying to hide from the world. It did feel good to say these things out loud. To get them off her chest.
"I love you, you know that. I only want what is best for you. But you know I'm also Draco's friend and I know you can't possibly see how much he is putting himself out there for you – I mean... how could you?!" Pansy huffed and Hermione smiled at her sadly. "All I'm asking for is that you make up your mind before you continue this. He deserves that."
---
Thursday
Malfoy Manor
Draco sat on the terrace leading to the rose garden with his mother. The sun had been shining all day and since he didn't know how to distract himself from the absence of Granger, he had decided to pick up a treasured recreational activity. Quidditch.
He hadn't been planning to play at the fundraiser because he usually was busy with the politics of the event; but had changed his mind today. He had plans to practice with the team short of a Seeker on Sunday. Hogwarts had opened their grounds on late evenings for the teams to support the St.Mungos Fundraiser as their generous contribution.
His mother watched him unpack his Broom Servicing Kit through her big sunglasses with a glass of wine in her hand. Just when he was about to open Fleetwood's High-Finish Handle Polish, she cleared her throat.
"If I would have known you'd stop by I would have had delayed my dinner," she said with a subtle hint of disapproval.
Draco didn't look up at her but focused on the task on hand. He should have taken better care of his beloved broom, - he thought while reaching for the Tail-Twig-Clippers.
"I ate early too."
"Did you? Your face looks pale and... gaunt."
She didn't need to know that he just had visited Healer Snow to clear him for training after his weekend adventures. He pushed the thought far away.
He sneered, "Thanks, mother. I've been pale since I was born thanks to the purest blood running through my veins."
"Witty. Would you want me to come see you play? At the fundraiser that is."
As he trimmed a tail twig, he bit his tongue to not tell her that she didn't have to pretend like she was actually considering it. The only place she left the manor for was Azkaban.
He looked up at her and smiled half-heartedly.
"That would be nice."
His mother wore an unusually gentle smile, "I'd offer to accompany you officially but I'm assuming you're already bringing someone. It would be nice to get out of the house and support the company. It would also be nice to finally be introduced properly to Miss Granger."
Granger. His mother clearly had too much time to think about his love life. She just couldn't let it go.
"I don't know if she'll even be there, but you're more than welcome to join me. I haven't planned on taking someone."
He spoke the truth. They hadn't spoken in days. He missed having her around, but he wanted to give her space. She had opened a door that night in front of his fireplace when she had hinted at having felt something beyond their sexual endeavors. He had been shocked; frozen really. He didn't know how to respond to that. Now he was paying for it; more accurately she made him pay for it with pure silence since she had left his place Sunday evening.
Draco didn't really understand what had gone wrong besides telling her how he really felt about her. His head had hurt despite the potion Patil had recommended him and he had been in and out of a light sleep with her by his side.
She had been worried about her last week at Flourish and Blotts. She would start her new job at the ministry on Monday. He tried to tell himself that was the reason for her not reaching out; just like he tried to tell himself that it was the reason for him not bothering her. Either way, he had ruined it.
"I see," his mother said cautiously. "Did you two get into a fight?"
Draco breathed a toneless laugh at the question; he had never admitted to his mother that they had been spending a lot of time together. Her curiosity and interest were based upon motherly instinct and wild assumptions.
He didn't respond, not wanting to argue or deny what his mother deemed to be obvious.
"Don't tell me then."
He shook his head and smiled faintly at her attempt to discuss his bedroom affairs with him. He had never even mentioned courting another witch before, no matter how often she questioned and pushed him for answers. Life at the Manor was lonely; he knew what he was talking about.
"I felt spending time with her suited you. I hope you two make up."
He hoped there was nothing to make up for. How would he be able to find out? He could talk to Pansy... but then she would want to talk about his feelings, and he didn't really think that kind of conversation was for him. Not with her anyways.
His mother crossed her legs and took a sip of her wine before continuing her monologue as she overlooked the garden. "I always thought your generation was way to frivolous when it comes to courting. I wouldn't even call it courting anymore."
Draco looked at her from the side, wondering if he should let her continue with her monologue or if he should use the chance to find answers to his questions. There was really nobody else he could ask.
"Well, people call it dating nowadays. But I don't see how you can be so opinionated; your marriage to father was planned by your parents. If it would be up to you, I'd be tied to Astoria Greengrass by now."
"You might think having a choice is a blessing but, be that as it may, an arranged marriage needs just as much work to last than any other." She pretended to be offended at his jab, but he saw the satisfaction on her face for having him come out to talk to her.
Fuck it- he thought. Maybe she did know one thing or another about witches. He had nothing to lose at this point.
"You're saying?"
Now she was gleaming with excitement.
"I'm saying that your father always took pride in courting me properly despite the definite outcome of our arrangement. Bedding a witch without commitment may be easy and exciting at the beginning, but if you skip all the steps of developing trust and understanding for each other, it won't be easy to maintain the pace. There's only so much sex you can have before-"
"Mother, please-" Draco felt his cheeks burn as he escaped her judgmental gaze and focused back on his broom. He had been mental for thinking this conversation could give him an idea of how to handle his fucked up situation with Granger.
She cleared her throat.
"All I'm trying to say is, that it meant a lot to me whenever your father brought me flowers and courted me in public. He took his time getting to know me before he even asked me to marry him, even though we knew we would have no choice. He made it seem like I had one. It was special."
Draco stilled and lowered his broom in deep thoughts.
He never actually had been on a real date with Granger. He didn't know much about her besides the fastest way to make her orgasm. His knowledge about her past was limited too. She had told him about her parents; about what she had done to protect them, but he hadn't even asked for their names.
He felt a growing pit in his stomach area at the realization that his mother would most likely be ashamed of him for how little he knew about her as a person. Quite frankly, he never used to have a need to know much about the witches he fucked. Because all he did was fuck them, and move on. This thing with Granger was above his head.
"The roses are blooming beautifully this year, don't you think?" She got up slowly to retreat into the house as the sun began to descent. As she passed him, her hand brushed his upper arm without looking down at him.
"Yes, mother."
---
Friday
Flourish and Blotts
Hermione's heart felt heavy when she spoke her farewell to her last customer that evening. The week had been filled with confusing thoughts and emotions with it being her last one at the shop.
The emerging changes in her life were lingering in the air no matter how badly she tried to occupy herself with the soothing certainty that she was about to start the career she had dreamed of. Working at the ministry had always been her goal. Why did she feel so sad to leave the known behind then?
It had been strange to not talk to Draco for so long after getting used to having him around all the time as soon as she stepped into her flat. Just because he wasn't with her didn't mean that he wasn't on her mind constantly though. She missed him, the banter and even more the intimacy. She had become so addicted to him, and the withdrawal wasn't as easy as she had hoped it to be.
She had thought about reaching out to him each night. Every time she had considered visiting or writing him, she had heard Pansy's words loud and clear. He deserved to be happy; and she had to figure out what she wanted. Maybe she was even afraid that he had already moved on. That he hadn't missed her.
She knew she wanted him; she knew she would give him time to come around if they had an actual chance. She was just too afraid to admit that out loud after having felt so vulnerable at his rejection.
When Maril hugged her tightly, Hermione couldn't help but let her tears fall freely with a sob. The shop had been her safe space for almost two years now. It felt like everything slipped away from her. New beginnings.
"There, there" Maril hummed with a closed throat and rubbed her back soothingly. "No one died, Hermione. You are always welcome to come visit."
"I know, it just feels surreal to leave. I will miss the shop and I will miss you." She sniffled quietly and loosened the hold on her. "I promise I'll come visit. And if your new helping hand won't work out, you let me know, do you hear me?"
Maril Blotts took Hermione's face into her cold hands and wiped the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs.
"I'm very proud of you and it's about time that you allow yourself to shine."
She cleared her throat and blinked twice before letting go of her. Both witches looked up in surprise when the charmed bell above the entrance door rang despite the 'closed' sign being displayed outside.
And then Hermione's heart dropped to the floor with a thud.
Maril chuckled quietly next to her, nudging her forward as the entrance door fell shut again.
"Am I too late?"
Draco Malfoy's grey eyes met hers from a distance with a cautious grin. He wore his black coat closed so that the collar of it protected his throat from the rain. His hair was wet and single strains caused water to drop onto his forehead. His cheeks were rosy from the wind outside. He looked too good for his own good.
But what caught her truly off guard were the red roses he carried with him. They were majestic and larger than she had ever seen before. Most importantly they were the only thing dry on or around him. Protected by an all-weather charm she assumed.
"It's never too late for flowers. Come on in, dear." Maril gestured for him to step closer before she leaned towards Hermione and patted her back again. "Take your time."
Hermione stood frozen as she watched Draco approach her with careful steps, as if he wasn't sure he truly wanted to be here.
She focused on not letting her jaw drop at his sight. Merlin, she had missed seeing him.
"I'm sorry, I wanted to stop by earlier today to give you these, but I got hold up at the office. I was afraid you'd be already gone." He spoke calmly but avoided her eyes when he came to a stop in front of her to hand her the bundle of roses. He reflexes made her reach and stare at them.
Her eyes drifted close at the overwhelming scent of flowers and Draco.
"I didn't know if you liked roses. Twenty-four of them, one for each month you worked here."
When she blinked he searched her eyes and she felt her heart flutter at the unexpected gesture. She cleared her throat when the knot threatened to grow again. Too many emotions of excitement, surprise, sadness and fear tugged at her nerves.
"That... That's very sweet of you, Draco. They're absolutely beautiful, where did you get these from?"
She escaped his gaze to admire them. She was certain they were the most beautiful flowers she had ever laid eyes on. Just like the wizard who had handed them to her.
"Oh... well...-" Draco almost stammered when she looked back up at him. He scratched the back of his neck as if he was stressed. She watched him curiously. "We have our own rose garden at the manor. My mother has a lot of time to take care of them these days. I wand-picked them last night."
She blinked at him with big eyes. Instinctively she held them tighter to her chest, ignoring the thorns as they found their way through the fabric of her blouse. She was certain this was the sweetest and most thoughtful gesture he could have come up with. It took her by such surprise, that she just stared at him before noticing that the hadn't even thanked him yet.
"Thank you."
Hermione blushed and he relaxed visibly in front of her.
He smirked and let his hands drift into the depth of his coat pockets. She didn't miss the way his eyes lowered to her lips for a quick second before he caught her gaze again.
"How was your last day? Did you cry?" He smirked at her and she mirrored the gesture at the same time.
"I made it until the end, but you interrupted my tears." She said half-jokingly, assuming he could still sense her red eyes. "How's your head, and your shoulder? Are you feeling alright?"
"I told you I was tough. Got cleared by a healer yesterday to start the Quidditch training for the fundraiser. All back to normal."
"Oh," Hermione nodded and realized she hadn't even considered he would play himself. It hadn't sounded like had planned on it when they had met with Viktor. "That's great. Did you have a good week?"
The calmer Draco seemed, the more anxious she felt. She hadn't expected for him to seek her out today; she had pushed away the sheer fact that she had made a complete fool out of herself on Saturday. Until now.
"Very busy," he said and let his eyes roam through the shop.
"Me too," she lied quickly and hoped he didn't catch her bite the inside of her cheek as a result.
"I figured you'd be tied up. I didn't want to bother you," he then said with his eyes coming back to catch her attention. She felt chills run up and down her spine at the looks they gave each other. She wished she could feel his skin. Maybe even just the tip of his finger on the back of her hand. But the roses in her arms turned out to be a perfect barrier of torture.
She smelled them one more time to not blurt out how much she had missed him. How long each day and night had felt without knowing if he had wanted to see her again. Maybe Pansy had been right after all. This was him trying.
Her heart began to beat incredibly fast when she acknowledged her own desire for him.
"Do you have any dinner plans yet?" He asked casually as if he had just thought about the question. Hermione went for her most apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry – Harry and Ginny invited me for dinner. I haven't seen them in weeks..."
Something in his demeanor changed, but she could see how he tried to keep it hidden. The twitch in his jaw gave him away to her.
"No problem."
She bit her lower lip, yearning to cancel all her plans to just spend time with him. Being inches apart from him without being able to touch him drove her crazy.
"I could come to your place afterwards. We can't be too loud anyways with the kids in the house, so I doubt it'll take forever," she whispered, aware that Maril was still somewhere close by. Her cheeks flushed crimson when she saw his breath falter for a moment.
Her body was ridiculous – they hadn't had sex in six days and all she could think about was how good it would feel if they would have time with each other. Somehow, she sensed that it would be... explosive.
She shifted on the spot and tried to not show how much she needed him. She covered the ache in her core with a small step to the side as if to try to hide the way she searched for friction.
But then, he caused her blood to run cold.
"I think I'll just meet up with the boys then, it'll be late for sure. Do you have any plans for Sunday?
She stood there, startled for a moment before shaking her head once.
"I'll pick you up at two o'clock, Granger."
He turned on his heels and started walking towards the door to disappear outside in the rain. But before he did, he faced her one more time with an unreadable expression, covered by a smirk.
"Try to stay out of trouble until then."