Wednesday
There were clatters and clanks downstairs. She woke up from the clatters and clanks. Skylar was alarmed for a second because she thought there was a really clumsy burglar. And then she heard her son's voice, and he sounded excited. So there probably wasn't a burglar.
Skylar huffed a breath, slightly irritated that she didn't get to sleep on. She flipped covers off her and crawled out of bed, walking to the door and opening it as softly as she could. She didn't forget to pull on a robe because Christ, New Zealand mornings were forces to be reckon with.
She adjusted her glasses and headed towards the stairs, head leaning forward a bit to catch a feel of the atmosphere. Should or should she not whip out the standard baseball bat John had given her?
"Uncle Adam, can I cut the cucumbers?" She paused at the sound of Aiden's voice, halfway down the stairs.
Adam had somehow managed to enter her cabin, no doubt thanks to her son. And Adam had better not let her son near any sharp objects. "No, your mother would bury in your backyard if I let you touch a knife." He was damn right she would. "Crack the eggs. Make sure you don't leave the shells in it."
"Okay."
Skylar sat down on the step she had stopped on and kept on listening. Why was Adam in her cabin? Why was Aiden up so early? Why were they cooking in her kitchen? What the hell did she miss?
"So how did you get up this morning?" Adam asked.
Aiden made a distracted noise, obviously hadn't heard the man's question. She smiled when Adam just called her son's name again. Aiden always had a knack to lose focus on his surroundings when he was focused on a particular task. It was both adorable and occasionally tasking.
"How did you get yourself up this morning?" Adam repeated. "I mean, from what I heard, you have never been able to get yourself up without your mother waking you with her horrendous singing." Skylar's jaw dropped. "But this morning, at half past six, I was at your door and you were already up."
"Oh, well, Mommy told me that if I gotta have motivation when I do something." Skylar - and Adam, apparently - waited for more but Aiden obviously thought he should just end it there.
"And?" Adam prompted while Skylar mouthed.
"So last night, when Mommy was reading Goldilocks to me, I told myself in my head that it's her birthday today and I have to wake up early to make breakfast for her over and over and over again until I fell asleep."
Skylar's small smile broadened into a wide grin. She removed her glasses and pressed her fist to her lips, glasses dangling between her fingers.
"Aiden, don't eat the raw yolk!"
She wouldn't know how to live without Aiden.
**
"Te ata pai, Miss Smith," Aunt Rita greeted happily from behind the counter still. "Oh, and you too, Ethan."
Skylar held onto Aunt Rita's outstretched hands with a smile of her own and flashed her a mocking glare. "What did I say about calling me Miss Smith, Aunt Rita?" she said. Aunt Rita brushed it off with a roll of her eyes. "Anyway, where's the fruit baskets and the milk?"
Aunt Rita's eyes widened just a little and she patted on Skylar's hand before releasing it. "You wait here," she instructed.
"Nowhere I can go," Skylar shot back, but Aunt Rita had already disappeared behind the kitchen door.
"Did you really ask me to call in late because you want me as your stiff?" Ethan asked, incredulous, from behind her.
Skylar spun around with a cheeky smile. "Now, now, stiff sounds a bit harsh, don't you think? A helping hand, that's what you are. Besides, John won't mind. He knows I need you." She blinked when she realized what she just said. He cocked an eyebrow with a knowing look. "To help me," she added stiffly and cleared her throat with a nod.
He hummed cheekily, a smirk apparent on his face. She huffed and turned back around, saying hi to a few other patrons that she recognized and making small talk. When they asked, she would introduce Ethan to them.
Aunt Rita came out with almost half a dozen fruit baskets slung over one arm and a bag filled with milk bottles in another. In a flash, Skylar took the bag of milk while Ethan took the fruit baskets. Aunt Rita thanked them and rested back against the counter, catching a breath.
Skylar glanced at the fruit baskets and frowned when she saw something that didn't belong in there. "Aunt Rita, why is there a cupcake in one of the baskets?"
Aunt Rita's smile widened at Skylar's notice of the cupcake. She took the object and put it on the counter top. "Give me a minute," she muttered and went behind the still, digging the in the drawers for something. And then she made a triumphant noise, coming up with a candle and a lighter. She lit the candle and put it on the cupcake. "Happy birthday, Miss Smith."
Skylar gasped while Ethan made a sound of surprise. "You remember," she whispered as she stared at the cupcake in awe.
"Pfft, of course I do," Aunt Rita proclaimed.
She hummed in gratitude, holding the cupcake with her hands like it was the most precious thing in the world. "It's adorable," she swooned.
"Martin was sick last night so he could not bake an actual cake. I can only whip up a cupcake so here it is," Aunt Rita said with an apologetic wince.
"No, no, this is awesome," Skylar quickly interjected.
Ethan leaned against the counter still and looked at her with an obvious look. "Make a wish and blow the candle, Skylar," he suggested.
She laughed and wiped at her eyes with her forefinger before closing them. She blew the candle gently as soon as she was finished with her wish. She then reached across the counter to pull Aunt Rita into a one-arm hug. She was too choked up to speak. She hoped this compensate.
"Now, now, why do you cry?" Aunt Rita questioned softly, smoothing her hand over Skylar's back.
Skylar shook her head and inhaled, smiling at Aunt Rita's motherly scent. They released each other eventually.
"How are things with you two?" Aunt Rita asked with an always present smile.
Skylar narrowed her eyes while Ethan unknowingly answered, "We're good, Aunt Rita. Thanks for asking."
"You are good, are you not?" Aunt Rita parroted with an almost sly smile, eyes flitting between the two of them.
"As individual entities, Aunt Rita," Skylar quickly corrected the direction Aunt Rita's head was surely taking her. "If by 'we', you meant Ethan and I as individual entities, then yes, we are fantastic."
Skylar rolled her eyes when Aunt Rita's smile dimmed just a bit. "Miss Smith, you need to get things going," she urged without much qualm at all, not even with Ethan right next to her, looking almost constipated.
The younger woman's jaw dropped. She could hear Ethan barely keeping it together and saw him turning around with his back to Aunt Rita from the corner of her eyes. She blinked rapidly at Aunt Rita who looked impatient and slightly exasperated.
"It is not easy to find another gentleman like Ethan," Aunt Rita persisted.
"You barely know him!" Skylar managed to sputter.
"That is exactly what I am saying!" Aunt Rita retaliated without so much as a pause. "I barely know him but I already know he is perfect for you."
Skylar scoffed and rolled her eyes skywards. "Aunt Rita, I still have to get back to the bookstore. So, I'll just go now. I'll see you. I love you. Thank you for the cupcake!" Skylar spun on her heels, tugging on Ethan's elbow so he would follow her, before Aunt Rita could keep her here. When she was behind the wheel with Ethan on the passenger seat - Dog was demoted to the backseat again - she groaned and pressed forehead against the steering wheel. "That woman," she grumbled.
Ethan chuckled. "She really cares about you, huh?"
She lifted her head and stared at the cupcake in her hand with an almost sad smile. "She's been like a mother to me for five years," she murmured.
"How did you guys meet?" he asked. She turned to him and he must have taken it the wrong way because he added in a hurry, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."
She laughed and shook her head. "No, no, it's just...I don't even know where to start, actually."
She still remembered the day she first met Aunt Rita, clear as day. The cafe was closing and Skylar was lost - not literally, just figuratively. She had been walking down the sidewalk, lost with no directions and a baby bump. Aunt Rita saw her from inside the cafe and called to her.
"Why don't you come inside and I will make you coffee?" Aunt Rita had advocated with the kindest smile Skylar had seen in awhile.
So Skylar went in and she drank coffee. Aunt Rita didn't ask her about her supposed husband or about the baby bump or why she was out here alone in the cold. She just served her two cups of coffee and made her promise to come back if she needed anything.
And that was that.
"Odd lady."
She laughed again. "Indeed, she is."
"You were pregnant when you came here?"
She sobered a little and hesitated before nodding in confirmation. "Yeah," she murmured. "I was." The silence on his part made her look to him again. He looked pensive and thoughtful. "You're judging me, aren't you?"
His eyes widened in panic and he quickly shook his head, waving his hands in the air. "No, no, I'm not judging!" He brushed his hand over his face and swallowed. "Just wondering what could have been so terrible for you to move across the globe like that."
"It's not exactly across the globe," she nitpicked.
He tilted his head. "Really?"
She smiled and sighed. "I was pregnant." As if it was obvious.
"America's loaded with teen pregnancies."
She started the engine and rolled out of the parking spot. "Mine is different, trust me," she offered enigmatically.
"You know what you should do?" he then asked as they pulled in front of Joseph's stall.
"What?" She was almost too afraid to ask.
"Follow Aunt Rita's advice."
She frowned, looking at him. He had a smirk on his face. "What are you talking about?" she prodded.
He pointed her and then at him. "Get things going. It is not easy to find another gentleman like me," he teased.
She scoffed and smacked him on his arm. "You are incorrigible!" Without waiting for his reply, she got out of the car to deliver the milk and fruit basket to Joseph.
**
"What happened to your rental?" John asked as soon as the Jeep rolled to a stop at the entrance of the supermarket.
Ethan chuckled with a stiff smile and gestured back at the woman sitting behind the wheel. "I'm the stiff today, John. I've gone down so bad that I'm the stiff."
"Oh come on," Skylar said. "John, there's a fruit basket at the back for you."
John's face cleared as the realization dawned upon him. "Now I know why you call yourself the stiff," he told Ethan with a smirk, opening the backdoor to retrieve the fruit basket while coddling Dog in the process.
Ethan groaned and pointed at Skylar. "You see what you've done?" He couldn't help but softened at the sight of her shrugging with an adorable wincing face. "It is only right for her to be the driver for the day."
She snorted. "I'll only be your driver for today," she added with narrowed eyes.
Ethan jumped when a dark hand clapped across his on the door, stopping him from closing it. John swung the door open again to peer in at Skylar. "You're coming over for dinner tonight," John stated like it was an instruction instead of an invitation.
"What? Why?" Skylar sputtered, apparently shocked at John's sudden interruption.
John eyed the cupcake in her hand and then back at her. "Dinner. Tonight. Eight p.m. sharp. Don't you dare be late." He slammed the door shut before she could say anything else and pulled Ethan into the building with him. "You're joining too, son."
"What?"
"You heard me."
Ethan spun the dial and opened his locker door, grabbing his uniform. "Don't you have a daughter?" John nodded, his expression saying your point being? "Have you never heard of this thing where people are advised to not get your children anywhere near strangers?" He pulled of his current shirt, not at all ashamed, and stashed it in his locker.
John snorted, studying his pecs. "I know you. Emily knows you. You're not a stranger." He looked up to Ethan's smirking face once he'd covered his abs with the uniform. "Skylar ever seen you without a shirt on?"
"Correction: You barely know me." John naturally patted his shoulder as he sidled past him. Ethan followed him to the storage room. "And no, she hasn't. Why?"
The older man placed a clipboard in his hands and gestured at the aisles of tall cabinets where boxes after boxes were stacked on it. "Today, you'll be doing inventory." Ethan huffed, irritated that he was assigned to do inventory today. John chuckled. "I'm pretty sure she won't resist you as much as she does now if she's seen you without a shirt on."
Ethan couldn't stifle the hearty laugh that escaped his throat. He grabbed a stool and headed to the very back of the room, figuring it'd be best if he started from the bottom. He chose not to comment on anything John said.
"Anyway, Skylar obviously trusts you and I trust Skylar, ergo I trust you. I mean, I'm sure you're not like a pedophile that disturbs children under five." John raised his brows. Ethan shrugged in response. "Well, that settles it then. You're joining us for dinner." At that, he pivoted on his heel and headed towards the door.
"What's this really about?" Ethan stopped him. When John looked at him, he continued, "It's kind of random: inviting us to dinner."
"It's her birthday," John said, crossing his arms.
"I know, but why do I get the feeling that this is so much more than her birthday?"
John emitted a chuckle, but the smile on his face was verging on sympathetic. "You can be too perceptive for your own good, man." Without another word, he left.
Ethan frowned, staring at the empty space. "What the hell does that mean?" he muttered.
**
Now that she was alone in the corner of the bookstore, assigned to inventory, she could finally strip her mask of happiness and bliss and allow the darkness and misery to slip into her entire being.
She purposely situated her stool against the wall and leaned back against it, piles of books clustered at her feet. On a normal day, Adam or his father would probably snap at her so she would get it moving. On a normal day, she would never be found slacking off and not doing her job. Nevertheless, today was not a normal day.
It wasn't that it was her birthday. In fact, the fact that it was her birthday made it even worse. Adam and Mr Kingston had no idea what happened but they'd gotten the hint two years ago that it was better to just leave her alone on this day. So they did.
When her son was here, it was better. He made her forget. He filled this day with so much light and joy that she would forget. He never failed to make her feel like the luckiest mother alive. But Aiden was gone. Aiden wasn't here anymore. She was alone, left to her own devices.
Skylar removed her glasses with shivering hand and breathed deeply, her chest filling to its fullest and she still felt breathless. She swallowed and frowned. She let herself wonder what she had done to deserve this life.
"Skylar?" Adam's voice rang out, sounding careful and small. She opened her eyes, frown remaining, to see him standing at one of the shelves. "Do you want some help?"
She slowly straightened and offered him a smile, hoping it looked genuine to him. But by the look on his face, it was obvious that it did not. "No worries. I'll get it done." Gosh, even her voice sounded weak. She'd allowed herself too much reprieve that it took her time to bring up the walls again.
His eyes lingered on her. She resisted from sighing in relief when he nodded. "Alright."
Once he'd disappeared between the bookshelves, she propped the clipboard on her lap and started to arrange the books by their genres, titles and authors. She often hated doing inventory. But today, she couldn't love it more, because it was a form of distraction. By letting her mind concentrate fully on not getting anything wrong, she didn't have to think about the other thing anymore.
And that was just fine by her.
**
Before she called the day off, Adam had wished her a happy birthday and handed her a gift. It was wrapped in newspaper with a card on it.
"I'm being environmental," Adam defended when she pointed the choice of wrapping paper.
Skylar hummed with a teasing grin. She thanked him, kissing him on the cheek, before she left. She told herself that she had to keep up the act so John didn't have to worry any more than he had to; so Ethan wouldn't ask until she was ready to tell him.
She'd accepted that she was bound to tell him everything, no matter how long it would take.
So she put on a grin as soon as she pulled up in front of the supermarket and Ethan emerged, already changed into the clothes he had on this morning. He was just pulling on the overcoat when the door swung shut behind him. When he got in the car, the door swung open again, revealing John who sent her a knowing look.
"Don't you bail out on me, Skylar Smith! I know where to find you!" he warned with a friendly smile.
She laughed. "I wouldn't dare, John!" she shouted back.
"Eight p.m.!"
"Roger that!"
She was almost afraid Ethan would see through her act during the car ride back home and he would say something about it. She wasn't exactly afraid that he could see through it. She was afraid that he would point it out.
"So I just realize that today's your birthday and I haven't actually prepared any gift for you."
"You don't have to."
He snorted. "I want to, so I've decided that I will be my ever noble self and teach you to swim."
Her eyes turned into the size of saucers and she choked. That was almost as bad as him speaking out about her facade of the day. "No."
"Don't worry. I'm an awesome coach."
"Ethan," she said in a warning tone. "No."
"What are you afraid of?"
"I just have a general fear of water, okay?"
"How do you shower, then?"
"I'm really irritated with that question."
He laughed. How dare he. "Look, just trust me, okay? It'll be fine. I promise. Let me do this."
She groaned. "I am a good person," she murmured to herself.
**
Okay, he'd been a little suspicious but he didn't let it get to him. But right now, as he watched Skylar interact with Amy - John and Emily's daughter - he was almost one hundred percent sure that there was something wrong with her.
After he'd showered and changed, he came down the stairs to see her with her face buried deep into the neck of Dog. Her shoulders were stiff and she was just still, hugging the dog as if her life depended on it. Dog had a look on his face that made him seem almost human.
Ethan studied them, leaning against the railing. His eyes then locked with Dog's and he shuddered because he was sure he did not imagine it when the dog tilted his head to Skylar a little, like he was asking Ethan to fix this. And well, he couldn't very well deny a dog's wish, could he? So he climbed back up a few steps and deliberately cleared his throat a few times and came down again. And there she was, smiling and donning her overcoat as if what he saw hadn't happened.
He almost wanted to tell her that she deserved an Oscar because if he didn't see her hanging on to her pet for dear life, he would have thought she was being genuine.
But he didn't.
Instead, he just returned her smile and ushered Dog along with him. He refused to look at Dog because he didn't want to see the animal shaking his head at him. He wouldn't be surprised if the dog actually did that. And then he pulled on his beanie and everything else and climbed in the Jeep next to Skylar.
John had pulled Skylar into a hug as soon as they'd reached his doorstep. Emily had just smiled, almost sadly at the two of them, and invited Ethan inside. He stepped inside and watched as John muttered unintelligibly into Skylar's ear and Skylar nodding and whispering a few words back.
And then Amy came leaping out, jovial and adorable. Skylar's grin was bright as she released herself from John's embrace and knelt to hug the little girl.
Ethan had only known the woman for a week but he felt like he knew her enough to recognize that the grin on Skylar's face appeared a little melancholic and unsteady; her arms around Amy had been a little too tight and too longing.
Dinner was delicious. Emily did not hold back when she made those dishes. Even if it wasn't as delicious as Skylar's food, they still tasted like heaven. When he commented on it, it turned out that Skylar was the one who taught Emily to cook.
He watched Skylar's interactions with John's family the whole night, observing and studying. On the surface, she couldn't look finer. She laughed and she chatted and she coddled the kid. Nevertheless, he didn't miss those times when her eyes twitched or her lips pulled down just a millimeter occasionally. He didn't miss when John and her would share a second-long look where John looked concerned and she tried to look reassuring. He didn't miss it when she would take several seconds longer to answer Amy's non-stop questions, as if she was lost in a world somewhere else.
"It's just what they do," Emily told him when they were washing the dishes and Skylar was in the living room with John and Amy. "John cares about Skylar. I think he feels responsible towards her, like a father. And he knows more about her than anyone else does."
"Today's supposed to be her birthday, but it's like today's not her favorite day," he said.
Emily nodded in understanding. "It confuses me too. Something must have happened on this day some time ago but I can't figure out what. John wouldn't tell because it's not his thing to tell. But something terrible must have happened to that poor girl." Emily put the last plate on the stack and turned to him. "I see how you are around Skylar, Ethan. And I see how she is around you. She's more open with you and honestly, the fact that she told you about Aiden is big enough. You just...you need to be patient with her. That girl, she's been through a whole lot more than anyone her age deserves."
"John told me the same thing."
Emily hummed, almost in adoration as she peeked into the living room at her husband and daughter. "Listen to him, then."
**
It was almost eleven o'clock when they came back. He insisted on walking the dog. She refused at first but he persisted, grabbing the leash himself and clipping it onto Dog's collar. She needed it. He could tell.
So here they were, out by the lake, almost midnight, like a pair of lunatics. Except no one could be crazier than Dog who was chasing his own tail again. Ethan kept a safe distance from Skylar, giving her some personal space that he felt that she terribly needed.
He wished she would tell him tonight but if she didn't, he would be patient. She deserved that much.
"I started drinking when I was twenty-five," he offered, giving her an opening. She looked to him, curious as always. "Well, I actually had my first sip of alcohol when I was fifteen. But I developed a problem when I was twenty-five."
"What happened?" she asked, making a sound for the first time in an hour.
"My dad's scandals began to emerge on TV. Stocks were going down. Everything was starting to fall apart with the company and the family. I was so stressed because the board members were pressuring me to take up the position of CEO, so I turned to vodka and whiskey and scotch and a lot of other alcohols, so long as they got me drunk." He leaned forward and folded his arms across his chest with a bitter smile. "I was drunk every night. My mom and my sister and my friends tried to talk to me but I did not listen. I took over the company when I was twenty-eight and even then, I didn't stop drinking. I worked by day and I drank by night. It was almost like a routine. Everyone gave up on me except this one friend. She was stubborn and she never stopped talking to me, not even when I called her a bitch and shouted at her. She still persisted." He chuckled at the memory of Emma standing up to him, berating him for irresponsibility. And then his smile faded. "And then I got into a car accident and sent a pregnant woman into the hospital. That was when I realized how damaged I was. Lucky for me, the woman didn't lose her baby. I took a break from my work and I went to rehab for a year."
"It worked," she observed.
He caught her eyes and nodded. "Thank god it did."
"Do you still drink?"
"I go to AA meetings every two months. But yeah, I drink during parties. I learned to control it though. Not many people can do that, but I did." He smirked.
"That's nothing to brag about," she teased. He laughed. "I'm glad it worked, Ethan."
"Yeah, I couldn't imagine where I'd be now if it didn't." He diverted his gaze and looked at the lake, at a distance. "I'd probably be in a gutter and never have met you." He smiled at her tenderly.
She sighed, closing her eyes. "Ethan, I..." She sighed again and rested her forehead against her drawn up knees. "I'm not someone worth having feelings for, Ethan."
"That's not for you to judge," he said softly.
He heard her sigh again, deeper this time. She kept herself balled up like that for the next few moments. He waited.
"Something happened on your birthday," he said, like an observation.
It took her a few seconds but she nodded. She lifted her head with a sardonic smirk and shrugged. "Anyone close to me leaves one way or another," she stated, staring far off into the distance. "My parents died on my 16th birthday." He clenched his jaws and tightened his fists to stop from reacting. "There was a drunken kid across the street and he lit a bottle of beer on fire and threw it at our house. It was 1.34 in the morning. My dad woke me up and got me out. But he went back inside to get my mom." She shook her head. He could see she was remembering by the way her throat moved visibly from a silent swallow and the single tear rolling down her cheek. "It was too late." Her voice weakened.
In an instance, he crawled in high speed towards her and gathered her into his embrace, pushing her head into his chest and settling her between his legs. He rested his cheek to the top of her head and listened to her breathing deftly into his shirt and her body shivering.
"Usually, people spend their sixteenth birthdays hosting sweet sixteen parties," she said. "I spent mine identifying my parents' corpses in the morgue."
He was at a dead end. He didn't know what he could or should say. He didn't know if anything he said would offer any comfort at all.
"Aiden helped me forget. In the three years when Aiden was alive, he never failed to make my birthday a happy event. He made me awful breakfast. He bought me Transformer toy as present. He sang me a happy birthday song off-key. He made me happy."
Well, that explained her stilted motions around Amy. She probably reminded Skylar too much of her own kid.
"But then he's gone and I have to remember again."
His heart clinched as Skylar held onto his coat lapels and pulled up higher so she could snuggle into his neck. He felt his neck starting to wet and her hot breaths against his skin. He exhaled in a whoosh and kissed her cheek, lingering there.
"Am I ever going to be okay?" She sounded like a little girl. He swore he'd never heard her sound like this before, like she was going to break at any given time.
He just felt the need to tell her. "You're going to be okay, Skylar," he whispered. He looked up to the skies, where he noticed one star was brighter than the rest. "Look," she followed his gaze to the star, "I'm sure that's Aiden. And I'm sure he's watching over you up there. And I promise me and him and Dog will make sure you're going to be okay. I promise." His gaze shifted downwards to her. He could only see her uplifted profile where she was concentrated on that one star. "Happy birthday, Skylar."
A/N: this is like the longest chapter i have ever written. i hope you guys enjoy it. read, vote and comment! by the way, tell me what you think of this book so far, won't you? i'd really love some feedback. :)also, i'd like to dedicate this chapter to @hijabi-soldier who's responsible for the beautiful cover of this book! :)