"Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled, revealing very pointed teeth. "And to see such happy little faces looking up at me! I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all and I'm sure we'll be very good friends!"
"Why do I feel like she's talking to a five year old at the park?" I said, grinning.
Professor Umbridge cleared her throat again ('hem, hem'), but when she continued, some of the breathiness had vanished from her voice. She sounded much more businesslike and now her words had a dull learned-by-heart sound to them.
"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the wizarding community must be passed down the generations lest we lose them for ever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching."
Professor Umbridge paused here and made a little bow to her fellow staff members, none of whom bowed back to her. Professor McGonagall's dark eyebrows had contracted so that she looked positively hawklike, and I distinctly saw her exchange a significant glance with Professor Sprout as Umbridge gave another little 'hem, hem' and went on with her speech.
"Every headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering. A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation..."
The quiet that filled the Hall when Dumbledore was speaking was breaking up as students put their heads together, whispering and giggling. Luna Lovegood had got out The Quibbler again. Meanwhile, at the Hufflepuff table a few were still staring at Professor Umbridge, but they were glassy-eyed and only pretending to listen in an attempt to to be kind.
Professor Umbridge did not seem to notice the restlessness of her audience. The teachers, however, were still listening very attentively, and Hermione seemed to be drinking in every word Umbridge spoke, though, judging by her expression, they were not at all to her taste.
"... because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognised as errors of judgement. Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited."
She sat down. Dumbledore clapped. The staff followed his lead, though several of them brought their hands together only once or twice before stopping. A few students joined in, but most had been taken unawares by the end of the speech, not having listened to more than a few words of it, and before they could start applauding properly, Dumbledore had stood up again.
"Thank you very much, Professor Umbridge, that was most illuminating," he said, bowing to her. "Now, as I was saying, Quidditch tryouts will be held..."
"Yes, it certainly was illuminating," said Hermione in a low voice.
"You're not telling me you enjoyed it?" Ron said quietly, turning a glazed face towards Hermione. "That was about the dullest speech I've ever heard, and I grew up with Percy."
"Bro," Percy warned.
"Sorry, mate."
"I said illuminating, not enjoyable," said Hermione. "It explained a lot."
"Did it?" said Harry in surprise. "Sounded like a load of waffle to me."
"I don't think I listened to three fourths of her speech- too uninteresting," Jason said.
"ADHD working its way to your head?" I whispered, smiling.
"There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle," said Hermione grimly.
"Was there?" said Ron blankly.
"How about: "progress for progress's sake must be discouraged"? How about: "pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited"?"
"Well, what does that mean?" said Ron impatiently.
"I'll tell you what it means," said Hermione through gritted teeth. "It means-"
"-the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts," Hermione, Percy, Jason and I said together, eyes alert.
"How-?" Hermione began.
"We know politics better than anyone," Percy said. "Knew a guy way worse than this bat. Wait until she dies after catapulting herself away from the school into the sky."
Jason and I laughed.
"What?" Hermione asked, frowning.
"Never mind," Jason said, calming down. "An inside joke."
There was a great clattering and banging all around them; Dumbledore had obviously just dismissed the school, because everyone was standing up ready to leave the Hall. Hermione jumped up, looking flustered. "Ron, we're supposed to show the first-years where to go!"
"Oh yeah," said Ron, who had obviously forgotten. "Hey--hey, you lot! Midgets!"
"Ron!"
"Well, they are, they're titchy..."
"I know, but you can't call them midgets!--First-years!" Hermione called commandingly along the table. "This way, please!"
A group of new students walked shyly up the gap between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables, all of them trying hard not to lead the group.
I turned around to ask Harry to lead us to the dorm, but he was already gone.
"Did he just- disappear into thin air?" Percy asked.
"No idea," Jason replied. "But we've got a way bigger problem than that- Room Hunting."
"I hope not," I said, turning to the teacher's table.
"You guys lost your way?" a voice sounded behind us.
"Fred, you know we don't even know the way," Jason said.
"Well, you always know that we're here to help," George said, grinning.
"For a price," Fred finished.
"Oh, for gods' sake," Percy groaned, "we're not going to be your lab rats."
"Oh, we're not looking for lab rats," Fred said. "We're looking for poster boys."
"What?" I said, shocked.
"Well, even though we're pretty popular around the school," George said, "let's just say.. we don't really have the faces for advertising."
"Wait a minute," Jason said, smirking. "Did you just call me handsome?"
"I already know I am," Percy said, grinning.
"Of course, it'll just be spreading the word," Fred said, "franchising.."
"You can open up shops in our name," George added.
"No thanks, I'm out," I replied. "I've already got a ton of work without this on my head."
"Alex is right," Jason said. "We've got way more important business than just starting a shop. But instead- we could always be willing to help you out of some sticky situations."
"What do you mean?" Fred asked.
"You'll know it when you see it, scientist. Now lead the way."
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5K, YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?!