It was the day after. The rest of the previous day, of my first —planned— date with Neteyam, we spent with the closest thing to a perfect love. It had been so full of... everything: life, laughs, pranks, and embarrassing moments. It was all just right. From the running of the rain to the weird look from an old lady that heard half of what Neteyam was saying, completely taken out of context, and made us smile and nod as we got away to the pace an ikran flew, which was fast, really fast.
After, we decided to have dinner with the rest of the clan. We came inside the common mauri with some distance between us, for some reason that could only be the result of weeks of pretending, and got lucky to have Tsireya and Rotxo, who I usually ate with, sitting with the Sullys. Tsireya was shyly laughing at what Lo'ak said, putting her hand over her mouth while he had his half-lidded eyes looking at her face, with a grin accompanying the expression. Rotxo and Kiri were talking, sharing small smiles and both of their eyes widened from time to time at what the other was saying, which I could only assume was something about the forest and reef nature. Tuk was listening to them, somewhat bored. Neytiri and Jake were wrapped in a cozy conversation, sitting on the floor with the fire in front of them.
Everyone was in their own world, but eventually, each of them merged into a greater circle. It was Jake who saw me first and smiled at me, his eyebrows raised. Then Lo'ak waved his hand for us to come.
"Hey, bro, remember that time we went to Hell's Gate and scared the shit out of Norm?" He asked. He also gave Neteyam a look that said 'tell Tsireya how amazing I am'.
Neteyam turned to face me, let out a nasal laugh, and slightly rolled his eyes. Nonetheless, he complied with what Lo'ak asked and grasped my hand to put us both down on the floor to start the story. I crossed my legs, my right knee touching Neteyam's. He put his hand over it, his fingers pressing against my skin. Then, he began with an 'It was dark, there were deadly thanators and viperwolves around. Any Na'vi would have been scared, but Lo'ak wasn't' and kept talking about their amazing doings. Tsireya's face was full of surprise, her eyes wide, and her lips forming several smiles. Kiri heard Neteyam and interrupted by speaking her side of the story, which was much more... realistic. Rotxo joined like a lost puppy, and Tuk complained about why she hadn't been invited. Jake sat nearer to our circle and joined.
"You guys really outdid yourselves," he shook his head, "Norm had nightmares with your faces in them."
'Poor Norm,' I thought.
When the night ended I felt something inside me shift. It was something unexplainable. There was no turmoil in my gut, no ache in my chest, and no burning sensation in my heart. Only plain, old calmness. A relaxation that loosed the pace of my breaths, the pumping of my heart, and the swallowing of saliva. Being there, hand-to-hand with Neteyam while we walked through the springy net as floor, the chirping of crickets and some flying insects around, with the sound of burning wood in the fire at the communal seatings as background noise, it felt like everything was going to be fine.
I felt like Atswon was walking beside me, young and strong, with a proud smile on his face. I felt like he whispered in my ear that it was we had given time to the time and it was from that moment forward that I needed to let go of the pain. That life without was incomparable, but not bad. There was no denying his death. The best part was that after death you are never gone, never forgotten, and somehow never really stopped living, in Eywa, at least.
I finally took the decision I had been all too afraid to take. I stood firm on the floor, not walking anymore. Neteyam turned to me, a small frown on his face.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" He asked.
"I don't think I'll be getting nightmares anymore. We don't have to sleep in the shack anymore."
"Are you sure? Because I don't mind being woken up and all, if that's why you're saying it," Neteyam continued. He took some steps away from the entrance of the forest and got closer to me. He caressed my face.
"I'm sure, don't worry. I want to sleep in the mauri." I gave him a smile.
"With me?" He whispered, uncertain.
"Obviously, warrior boy. You're not getting rid of me yet," I chuckled lightly.
"Never will."
Then he carried me to the mauri, for once putting his hand under my knees and the other on my back, bridal-style. He began walking with wide steps, levitating us for a fraction of a second every time his sole hit the springy road and sent us flying like free birds in a casual afternoon. I put my hand over his mouth to stop him from laughing and waking up the sleeping families. Neteyam finally put me down with delicacy, as if I was a charred rose that was one moment away from getting the figure blown away by the wind and being turned into a cloud of meaningless dust.
Neteyam and I slept in each other's arms, so close together our bodies could have blended into one, as our souls had. If only the love warmth that enveloped us was perceptible, it would have been more blinding than the sun itself, and all the stars combined.
While I was still in deep sleep, dreaming of two blurry faces I could recognize, but that felt so familiar at the same time, a shake of my body felt like an earthquake on a calm night. Literally. The touch had been from soft hands, with some callused fingertips, but in my steady state, I almost didn't recognize them. The voice that came with them was a thread of murmurs and cautious whispers. It was Neteyam.
"Hey, princess. Good morning," he said. Almost always he woke up before me, with exception of the day before.
"Good morning," I answered, still somnolent. A yawn escaped my mouth and Neteyam chuckled.
"Breakfast on the house." He showed me a bowl filled with different fruits cut into pieces, decorated with a happy face of red mush from my personal favorite fruit.
"It's technically my house."
"Doesn't matter."
"And you also copied my idea."
"Can't I also make breakfast for my mate?"
"Mmm, you can."
"Problem solved, then."
Neteyam handed me the fruit while I sat on the mat. He had this victorious grin plastered on his face that gave him an invincible look. Neteyam radiated confidence and amusement and a comfortable hold that could support the entire world. I couldn't keep my eyes off him.
"I could wake up like this every day for the rest of my life," I said.
"And I could wake you up with a different meal each of those days."
"Not if I get up first and have your meal before you have mine."
"Is that a challenge, my lady?" He arched his right brow.
"You bet."
Neteyam took the bowl off my hands and quickly left it aside. Then, while I was looking lost at him, he practica jumped on me, putting his knees on the floor while my torso was trapped by his legs. Neteyam started tickling me fiercely; I cried for help as I moved my body from side to side like a fish out of the water.
"What did you say?!" Neteyam laughed.
"Stop! You bastard!"
"Sorry, can't hear you!"
He kept prodding my limbs as tears threatened to escape my eyes. Through my blurry vision, I saw a glimpse of his hands and tried to hold them down. I interwove our fingers and pressed upwards, while he did the opposite. It soon became a fight of equilibrium, a fight that I won because my arms were stronger from all the swimming. I rolled us over, me on top of Neteyam, mimicking his previous position.
"Surrender?" I asked.
"Under one condition," he smirked.
"What?"
"Kiss me."
I looked at him and he looked at me. The morning light hit him from the side. It made his skin glow and his eyes reflect the sun. It was something so curious, that light made your eyes uncover a new world inside of them, craters, mountains, forests, and seas. Neteyam's were more special because it seemed that his eyes had lives of their own, so deep and so dark I wanted them hard.
My sight shifted to his lips, their thin lines tinted pink. They were thin but very soft, and they held some sweetness from the boy they belonged to. I felt the urge to press them against mine, to feel the intimate touch. I moved forward as I closed my eyes. My hands on his chest tightened into fists and released, holding onto Neteyam's neck.
We heard someone clear her throat with a cough. Never in my life had I stood up so fast. Kiri was by the entrance of the mauri, gazing at the scene.
"Yeah, you should put a warning sign. That- it's disgusting." She scrunched her nose. "Next time you're arguing keep it down, people are trying to sleep next door." And she left without saying more.
Neteyam and I stayed for seconds without saying anything, until we turned to face each other and laughed. I pulled him up, grabbed my breakfast, and got us both out for a walk. We shared the food that was on the dish and made some rounds through the village. We made a stop at Na'tyr's mauri. She was not there, but my sister Maitrey lay there like she always did. There was something strange about the way she was spread on the floor, as if she herself had moved to her side and put her arm over her stomach. If it had been her, then it was only a matter of time until Eywa made something happen. Until she finished healing her daughter after more than a decade of trying.
We left the mauri and continued walking. This time we had no plan at all. Nothing to do. We only spent the day with each other, from swimming to dancing, from practicing our weapons to visiting Lowsla and her mate... We went twice to The Caves but left as soon as we saw the crowd of mental teenagers. Lo'ak was part of the lot, cannonballing on the pools. There were not many people talking to him apart from Tsireya; they were almost avoiding him by playing the ball game. Neteyam was looking at them with his jaw clenched, his gaze deadly. He only relaxed when I grasped his hand and pointed at how good Lo'ak was with Tsireya by his side. He turned to face me and we left.
There was something about the day that didn't allow me —or Neteyam— to enjoy it to the fullest. It was strange. I couldn't pinpoint what it was that made the blossoms appear pale and distant, the Sky cloudy and gray, and the salty smell of water turn bitter. There were only so many options that could be the reason for it, but only one stood stronger than the others. It was the fact that it was the last day of the Grieving Week, of the pacific days and the work-free hours, the warm nights, and the hole of stress filled with joy and love. It was disappointing that no other day after this would be like that. That we would return to the world in which the Sky People tormented our people and our animals, in which there were duties to fulfill and a thousand and one things to worry about. Neteyam and I only had today, and every day after it would only be the echo of our peace.
Soon the sun started hiding on the horizon. The sky was painted a canvas of orange and pink, leaving the blue to the very top. It had been Neteyam's idea to get on one of the two-people canoes by Na'tyr's mauri, where the main dock was located. We took turns using the wooden oars and make our way far from the village. Shiny dots above were becoming more visible by the minute, as Neteyam let his entire back rest on the boat, pulling my own to stay on his chest. Because of the hour, I knew there was an event happening just about that moment when the sun completely disappeared. It only happened once a day, for some reason, and it was an emotional boost.
Like they heard me, in a second many schools of tiny, orange glowing fish, with four fins and two transparent wings, shot out of the water to make even smaller jumps. They went outside the surface and in repeatedly, moving forward to their home somewhere under the island. They spent the time with daylight outside and hid as soon as there was a chance the night predators could attack.
Neteyam sat up quickly, making me do the same. His gaze was set upon the fish, looking with amazement. He always looked like a little kid when finding out about sea creatures. He turned to me and then back to the fish. He giggled. We didn't exchange a word during the entire time. It was enough that I got to wrap my arms around my legs to bring them close to my face and put my chin on my knees.
Some minutes passed and the fish continued to come in hordes. Who even cared about a plague of little insects when you had the man of your dreams in front of you, staring deeply into your eyes. I was rather embarrassed to have him look at me that intensely, as no one had before in my entire existence, and it made me just as desperate as the way he saw me on the day we bonded. I avoided his gaze with all my willpower, which wasn't much in my situation.
Five minutes later, when there were no more glimpses of the fish, we rowed back to the dock. When we got there I couldn't stop to notice a familiar voice in the background. Naturally, it was Na'tyr, for we were near her house. Everyone was gathered by the common room, enjoying their meals, but there she was, singing. Neteyam saw my face and squeezed my hand, letting go of it and walking towards the far-away crowd. I was going to see what my mo- Na'tyr, was doing.
As I approached the place, the muffled sounds became clearer. She was singing her songchord, the one I had heard a dozen times already. Her voice was quivering and low, almost so that the part she was reciting was not understandable.
'Let the Great Mother help me,
The light in my life I have extinguished
And the girl of my blood doesn't see me as such.
'The Great Mother Sees the flaw I have done,
Hurt my love and sun.
I feel inside me, my daughter.
My blind eyes have been uncovered,
My deaf ears have been tuned,
To feel my daughter in Eywa,
To feel the wreck in my life.'
There was only one thing that these words could mean: she had added a new bead to her chord. There were 7 of them now. She felt our fight had been so important as to add a bead full of sorrow and regret. And I thought she didn't care. It was great that she felt sorry, and seeing her alone, miserably dangling her feet on the water, didn't help. But she had caused me a great deal of pain, a suffering I hadn't given myself the time to take in properly, and she needed to do more. Not only sing a song, even if I wasn't meant to hear it in the first place, and drown in a sea of nothingness. Because so far she had done nothing. Nothing to fix, to make worse, nothing but ignore.
I slowly walked behind her, and sat to her right. Na'tyr stopped singing and turned to look at me, eyes wide.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
I shrugged. "Talking. Is there anything you want to tell me?"
Na'tyr had a serious expression, but through it I saw her internal fight. When she sat silent for a minute, I took it as a no to my question.
"Remember the time you told me not to be out late in the forest, but I didn't listen and got home past eclipse?" I laughed, "I was sure you would skin me and tie my tail, but you only yelled for a second before hugging me tightly. You couldn't be angry at me."
She didn't say anything, so I continued.
"You had never done something so wrong until three weeks ago. You know it wasn't right, you are as sad as an injured animal, yet you do not dare to ask for forgiveness. I cannot forgive you if you haven't changed. I cannot call you my mother."
I got up before she could answer, because if she were to apologize now I knew it wouldn't come from her; it'd come from what I said. The moonlight illuminated the path as I walked to the eating area. Neteyam was waiting outside, leaning his body on a palm tree. Once he saw me, he straightened his stance and showed me his hand. I took it, interlacing our fingers, and we entered the room, as ready as one could be when your peaceful days are over.
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Author's note:
Hello, people! Good morning/afternoon/evening/night, from wherever you are reading this. At the end of the day, I decided to take the break before uploading the chapter, and I think I'll take another one this week because I have a bunch of classes to catch up with. If there are any errors here, I'll check them later today.
Anyway, what do you think about the chapter? Did you like it? And what about the story? Loving, hating?
A preview of what you'll see next is Lo'ak bonding with Payakan, and Neteyam exhausted because he can never get a break from being the big brother.
I'll be waiting for your answers to the questions!
Happy Monday, cheers.
Sincerely, Dina.