"Those who are difficult to love, are difficult to love because they have gone through difficult things which have made them the way they are. What you need to do is to forgive, what they need is your love." Jeanette Coron
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XVII.
Perrie and Lily both returned upstairs to change into their riding attire. Lily was ready first, and she entered Perrie's bedroom with a curious expression on her face as Perrie stepped into her riding boots.
"Do you think Mr Parish is sweet on you?" Lily pondered once the maid had left the room.
Perrie scoffed rather loudly. "Don't be ridiculous. Joe wouldn't know sweet if it bit him on the rear."
Lily smirked. "I meant Mr Edmund, Perrie," she clarified. "Though, of course, it is interesting that your mind would go directly to Joe when I mention affection."
"Do you want me to hit you? It really sounds as though you do," Perrie snapped impatiently.
Perrie knew that Lily was teasing her. This was simply a subject that Perrie disliked immensely. "No, I do not think that Mr Edmund is sweet on me," she bit back. "If I know Joe, he would have related all of my terrible qualities to his brother and is fostering an intense hatred of me within him as we speak."
Lily giggled. "Lord, I wish I were older. How I would love to attend Grandmamma's ball just so that I could watch it all."
Perrie rolled her eyes. "Be thankful you are only fifteen," she retorted. "Come on. Let us go and be dutiful tour guides for our guest and his evil twin."
Perrie and Lily were met by Joe and Ed in the foyer downstairs. The viscount's valet was also present, though he was in the midst of being dismissed as they had no need of him. Perrie and Lily were chaperones for each other, and they could fend for themselves without a servant.
Both brothers were standing beside each other, equally as tall and broad. Joe, whichever one he was, was no longer slouching as he had been at the table. Perrie paused on the last step to try and pick which one he was. She had to know. Surely, she had to know the face of the person she'd loathed for more than half her life.
Both Ed and Joe seemed to pick what Perrie was doing, and they stood beside each other. Their poses were identical, and Perrie was unsure if this was on purpose or not. Their hands were clasped in front of them, their shoulders squared and proud. They had both changed as well, and so Perrie could not rely upon what they had been wearing at breakfast to spot the difference.
Perrie stepped down off of the staircase and approached them slowly. Lily walked beside her, amused. There was, of course, the obvious difference between the two in Joe's deafness. But a bit of Perrie's pride wanted to be able to pick them without relying upon that.
As she approached, they both lowered their eyes so that they met hers. Their eyes were such a deep brown. It was a very warm, rich colour that Perrie had never really admired before as those eyes had always been accompanied by a snide remark. But both mouths remained closed as Perrie looked up upon their faces.
The eyes of the man on the left were calm, almost peaceful. He didn't smile at her, but his eyes were. Perrie was immediately brought back to the moment that she had sat before Joe on the floor the morning that he had discovered what she had done to his shoes and breeches. She recalled the look on his face, the look in his eyes that he had briefly allowed her to see as she had calmed him down. This man had never known whatever pain Joe had experienced that day.
For all his faults, and there were many, Perrie wasn't oblivious to there being more to Joe than he allowed anyone to see. But she had seen it for a moment.
Perrie stepped away from Ed, for she was certain that he was Ed, and she moved in front of the twin that she was certain was Joe. She looked up into his eyes, and the clarity of her thinking made it plain to see that this was Joe.
His eyes were the same warm brown as his brothers, but there was an edge to his gaze. There was a tightness about his eyes that remained as he shielded himself. But he stared down at Perrie intently, and Perrie could almost hear the challenge coming from his mind. He was daring her, or maybe willing her to know it was him.
And Perrie couldn't give him the satisfaction. She didn't want to give away her newfound ability to pick the difference between them. She stepped back in front of Ed and said, "You are Mr Joe, I'm certain of it."
Ed's brows rose as Joe's settled into a scowl.
"You're wrong, Little Imp," Joe snapped grumpily. He turned around on his heel and stalked out the front door, leaving Perrie behind with Ed and Lily.
"It is extremely difficult to tell the difference between my brother and I, my lady. Believe me, you are not the first to guess incorrectly."
Perrie blinked, hardly hearing what Ed had said. She was too surprised at Joe's reaction. She had expected him to mock her. She had expected him to triumph at Perrie being wrong. It was to be Perrie's little secret that she could tell them apart, a talent that she would save for a rainy day. She had not expected Joe to react so poorly. Why was he angry?
"Shall we depart?" Ed suggested hopefully. "The horses have been saddled and have been brought up from the stables. Your father was too kind."
Perrie nodded slowly. Ed offered his arm to both herself and Lily, before he escorted both sisters outside. There were four saddled horses waiting for their riders. Two were saddled for ladies, and two for gentlemen. Perrie knew how to ride both ways owing to riding lessons she'd had from her Uncle Alex as a child, but she knew that her grandmother would have been mortified if she rode astride in front of a gentleman.
Joe had already climbed atop his horse and was holding onto the reins tightly as he waited for Ed, Perrie, and Lily, though he was not looking at any of them. The Ashwood groom assisted both ladies onto their horses, and soon the party of four were ready to depart.
"You are the expert, Lady Perrie. Where shall we go?" Ed called.
Perrie secured her reins while staring at the back of Joe's head. She knew exactly where she wanted to go.
***
Perrie led the way as they rode their horses out through the gates of Ashwood House and down the long road that led back towards the village. Perrie was certain that Ed meant her to show him the grounds of the house, but he had already seen the pond. There was only so many trees and shrubs that one could feign interest in.
Perrie was after a reaction. That was all she could make sense of in her head as she made the decision to go into the village. She wanted a reaction from Joe. She had no idea if her plan was a stupid one, or if it would make things worse, but she simply wanted a reaction that she expected from him. Everything had been so strange since his family had arrived and Perrie really did not know what to make of it.
As she rode, Perrie kept checking over her shoulder to see if Joe was still following her. Ed was right behind her, followed by Lily, and they were flanked by Joe. He had not abandoned them, despite probably knowing where she was heading.
When they reached the outskirts of the village, Perrie slowed her horse to a gentle canter. She heard the others behind her do the same. Perrie had made his journey countless times before, but she suddenly felt a fluttering of nerves tickle her stomach.
The Ashwood villagers looked upon them and waved when they recognised Perrie and Lily, and Perrie did her best to acknowledge them as best she could without losing her balance atop the horse.
She shouted, "Good morning, Grandmamma!" at her grandmother's house as they passed it, though the door and the shutters were closed. Perhaps they would stop in on Mrs Denham on their way home.
When they finally reached the church, Perrie pulled on the reins and her horse stopped. Ed brought his horse beside Perrie's, and he looked upon the old building with a quizzical expression.
"Do you particularly fancy a sermon, this morning?" he asked her.
Perrie shook her head. "I rarely do," she confessed. "Do you see that attachment on the side of the church?" She pointed to a stone addition to the building.
"Yes," confirmed Ed.
Before Perrie could explain what it was that they were looking at, Joe dismounted beside them and mumbled, 'That's the schoolroom. This is where I went to school."
"I see," realised Ed as he, too, dismounted.
Joe had gone to Lily's side, and he assisted her down off of her horse. Ed did the same for Perrie. Perrie would have happily jumped down herself, thought that would have indeed been another behaviour that would have mortified her grandmother.
Perrie watched Joe with an anxious sort of intensity. She had wanted a reaction, but the one that she had desired was his usual mocking. Despite how he aggravated her, she was used to it. It was alarming, really, that Perrie sought comfort in their usual routine of Joe's loathsomeness. It was greatly unsettling to her that she could not predict what he would do or say. It was even more anxiety-inducing for her that she could not perceive exactly what he was thinking and feeling.
Joe had walked on ahead towards the church. Lily loitered awkwardly in earshot of Perrie and Ed, just as a chaperone would need to.
"This is where I met your brother, Mr Parish," Perrie uttered, not taking her eyes off of the back of Joe's head. "I was six, nearly seven."
"I often heard about the wretched Peregrine," replied Ed evenly. "As I said, I had always assumed that you were a male. I admit, I rather enjoy my brother's stories of you now even more in knowing that his foe was you."
Perrie ignored his statement and asked a nosy question. She was certain that Joe would never offer an answer to this, and she prayed that Ed was more amenable. "Why did you not attend this school as well? Or why did your brother not attend school with you?"
Perrie brought her eyes back to Ed, and his kind eyes had softened. "Our mother's family established a trust as part of her dowry to pay for her eldest son's education. You can imagine everybody's surprise when two sons were delivered only six minutes apart."
Perrie nodded as she took in what Ed had said. It made sense. She was aware of dowries and she was especially aware of the importance of sons. Her own brother was receiving the finest education that money could afford him. But she also imagined that were her parents to have had another son, he would have been equally as educated despite the order of his birth.
Why did their mother's family not provide for Joe as well when the twins were born? Why was he sentenced to be educated at a village school?
"I can see the questions are troubling you, my lady," Ed murmured softly.
"I am terribly sorry. This really is none of my business. I just wanted to show you where we all went to school," Perrie stammered.
"And I thank you. I am glad to know where my brother spent so much time as a child," Ed replied kindly. He did seem to really mean that. Just as Perrie knew Joe's eyes now, she could see the sincerity in Ed's.
"You really love your brother, don't you, Mr Parish?"
Ed nodded with a smile. "More than my own life," he replied simply. "We have only each other."
Perrie admired the sentiment for a brief moment, before it occurred to her that Ed had inadvertently disregarded their father. Or perhaps he had done so on purpose. Was there a conflict? There had to be a reason for why Ed would not consider their father as someone that either son could rely upon.
The assumptions were great, and the questions that were mounting in Perrie's mind were even greater.
"You must think me rather horrid then, if you love your brother so." Perrie took a breath and decided to stow her questions away. She did not know Ed well enough to ask, nor did it feel right to discuss Joe behind his back. Perrie now realised that she wanted Joe to be the one to answer her questions, but she knew that the only response that she would receive would be that she was a 'nosy imp'. "I could be quite poorly behaved as a child at times."
That was certainly bending the truth a little. Lily laughed behind them, and she sloppily disguised her giggle as a cough.
Ed chuckled, before flicking his eyes back at Lily briefly. "Not at all, my lady," he refuted. "Do not think that I didn't know that my brother gave back to you as good as he got. The Peregrine I got to know through my brother's letters was certainly an entertaining young lad, and the Perrie before me is certainly an enchanting young lady."
Perrie heard the sound of gravel crunching underfoot as Joe came storming back towards them, his dark eyes focussed on Perrie with a firm look of annoyance and irritation. She felt a brief spark of hope within her as those emotions were quite normal for him when he was around Perrie, but there was still something wrong.
Joe stopped beside his brother and practically growled, "Are you quite finished, or are we going inside? I'd hate to die of old age before you decided to stop chatting," he huffed.
----
Awwwww my lil Joe's eyes are turning green gahhhhhhh.
Hope you enjoyed it!!
A bit more of a wait than you're used to, but that's me back at work for you!
I had my first week back with my new class this week. For those who don't know, the Australian school year follows the calendar year. Our school year begins in late January and ends in mid-December. I'm teaching Year 1 (1st grade) this year, so I've got a few of the same kids again this year which is so nice. They've all come back so well and I'm so proud. Only the little germy kiddos have gotten to me already and I'm sick. Can't believe it! Hoping to kick this before I go back on Monday as a day off is not in my future lol.
But anyway, I hope you've enjoyed your weeks!
There may be another wait as next weekend I'm doing a double theatre header Friday and Saturday night, so I will do my best to upload at some point. But if there's a delay, you know why!
Vote and comment xxx