Idiots to Lovers (bxb)

By itsmeimthevampire

351K 20.7K 16.1K

||WATTY WINNER 2023🌟|| Two strangers pretend to be a couple to win a dumb bet. The wager: they must enrol in... More

1 | Neon Nike's and Chocolate Muffins
2 | Sunlight, Buttercups, and All Things Yellow
4 | A Bit-too-sweet Cake and the Future of the Galaxy
5 | Faking Allergies and Losing At Therapy
6 | Fake Orchids and Exchanging Numbers
7 | The Pain of Having an Older Sibling
8 | A Furious Manager and A Brave Escapade
9 | Stolen Ice Cream and Sneaky Sheep
10 | Breaking Eggs For A Hundred Cupcakes
11 | Lumpy Toadstools and Fondant Flowers
12 | Rainbow Caterpillar and The Chair Pile
13 | Three Reasons Why
14 | A Depressing Spotify Playlist
15 | Just Two Bros Making Christmas Cake
16 | Roller Skates and Disco Lights
17 | random short chapter just here to piss my readers off xP
18 | why can't this boy just go out and do something instead of listening to...
19 | The Allergies Are For Real This Time (I Swear)
20 | Breaking Brownies and a Bit of Bribery
21 | Happy Songs and Runny Eggs
Part Two - taking reader requests for special scenes
22 | That Annoying Beam of Light That Wakes You Every Morning
23 | Always Keep Your Phone on Silence When Sneaking Around
24 | The Addiction Starts
25 | House on Fire
26 | Things Only Get Worse Where Everett Is Concerned
27 | The Not-Very-Relaxing Drive
Bonus | Poem by Brian
28 | Ice-cream Date
Flashback | So Far In The Friendzone
Flashback | It Was Most Definitely A Date, Right?
Flashback | It doesn't make a difference if he's gay-he still wouldn't like you
29 | You've sucked me into the absolute torture that is Wattpad
30 | Glow in the dark stickers
31 | Honestly, I do not trust everett and I do not trust whatever he is planning
32 | How Many Kinds of Green Are There Anyway?
33 | Paint Got On Everything Except For The Wall
34 | This Was Really Not My Fault
35 | The Mandatory Fairground Date In Every Wattpad Book
36 | Everyone Knows Carnival Games Are Rigged
37 | Baby You're A Haunted House
38 | No Space For You on My Beanbag
39 | That Questionable Christmas Cake From Earlier
40 | Snow Monster
41 | Secret Recipe Hot Chocolate
42 | This is why you should never preheat the oven
43 | A Big, Huge, Giant Hat
44 | A big ball of cake rolling across the floor
45 | Bon-Bons and (Not) Baking
46 | Christmas at the Cafe
47 | Gingerbread House
48 | Practice is Overrated
49 | A Festive Surprise
50 | Caramel Candycane Christmas Candle β„’
51 | A Controversial Christmas Present
52 | In The Moonlight
Authors Note
Quiz | Which Character Am I?

3 | Lost Keys and Grandma's Wrestling Career

13K 713 801
By itsmeimthevampire

I followed him down a driveway of a house with a huge pink rose bush by the front door. Everett pushed down on the door handle aggressively, almost hopping as he put his full force behind trying to open it.

"It's likely locked, mate," I said.

"But I don't have a key," he said, looking at me blankly. As if he expected me to magically have the key to his house.

"Why don't you have a key, it's your house," I said with some annoyance. Then a thought came to me and I eyed him suspiciously. "Wait, it is your house, isn't it?"

"Of course it's my house, why would I be breaking into some rando's house?"

"I don't know...I don't know you!" I exclaimed, the realization hitting me suddenly. "You could be some creepy psychopath for all I know. Actually, what normal person just invites themself for a therapy session with a stranger?"

"Oh. I...uh." He paused for a moment, looking contrite. "Look I know you're straight, I didn't mean to make things weird for you. Honestly, I was just bored at the cafe and had a dumb idea."

Oh...he thought I was straight.

"That's not why it's weird. I just don't know you at all," I muttered. It seemed like an inappropriate moment to just go 'actually, I'm pansexual.'

Or maybe he was just hot and I was a coward.

The light breeze was blowing dark curls onto his face. Air filled his cheeks as he attempted to blow the stray locks away. His mouth was rounded into a small 'O' as he did so, making his soft lips look all cute and pouty. He caught me staring and looked back at me unsurely.

"So...are we just locked out here then?" I asked, changing the subject.

"You wanna help me break a window and climb in?"

"Absolutely not."

Forget how hot he was. The boy was clearly unhinged.

Those eyes though.

"Relax dude, I'm kidding." He grinned. Jet-black pupils sparkled under the sun like a midnight sky full of stars. "There's a spare key under one of the stones."

"Great." I pinched my nose; my allergies were acting up.

There was a whole line of decorative stones which Everett started upturning one after the other. Once he had upturned one he carelessly tossed it away instead of placing it back where it belonged. It was starting to get on my nerves.

And my face was starting to itch.

"Let me guess, you don't know what stone it's under," I stated.

Everett glanced up from where he was crouched on the grass. His jeans were stained and his hands were muddy.

"Clementine, your face!" He gasped. "Oh shit- the rose bush. I totally forgot." Everett scrambled to his feet. "Are you dying??"

"It doesn't kill me, I just break out," I grumbled, rubbing my hands on my cheeks.

"Your face is so, so red," he said in amazement. "You look like you're blushing."

"I'm not blushing; I never blush," I snapped.

Just then the front door flew open, revealing an older lady who looked just like Everett. She had the same black curls framing a brown, heart-shaped face. Her hair went down to her waist, held back by a fuzzy pink headband. Her dark, wide eyes were framed with long, thick lashes, and heavily dramatized with mascara.

"My garden!" she yelled, smacking Everett with the gossip magazine she held. "What have you done, child?"

"I couldn't find the key, mum!"

So this is where he gets it from. I must admit I'm glad anyway, that this is his actual house. I got a bit worried earlier when he was upturning the whole garden like a thief.

She glared at him. "How many times do I have to remind you, it's under the rug."

"Ohh right...the rug." Everett looked back at her rather sheepishly.

The lady turned to me then as if just realizing my presence.

"This is Clementine, I met him at the cafe," Everett chimed in. "He said he would help me bake."

"Well good luck to you, Clementine, good luck indeed," the lady said darkly before sailing away.

Ominous.

But from what I knew about Everett so far, I had a feeling I was going to need it.

Everett half-led, half-dragged me inside into a spacious kitchen. It had an eclectic design with a mint green curved fridge and a sunny yellow bar counter in the middle of the room. Plaid rugs thrown about gave it a cosy feel, as did the mismatched mugs and bright clutter.

"So, what are you planning to bake?" I asked.

"Oh, I don't plan," Everett said breezily. "I just scroll through recipe websites until I find one with an exciting story."

"A...story?"

"Yeah, you know, like those long unrelated stories that you get before the recipe starts," he explained. As if that would answer any of my questions.

"Are you trying to tell me," I slowly started, "that you decide which recipe to try...by reading the random story—that's written there to keep you on the websites for longer, for ad revenue purposes?"

"Well, of course...dear Clementine, dear simple Clementine. The writers of these recipes put a lot of work into their stories, pouring the very essence of their being into them." Everett shook his head in a dramatic show of disappointment. "How dare you think you can bake someone's pumpkin pie without first understanding their soul?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Ah, I see. So the backstory is a key ingredient in your baking process then."

"Yes! Yes, you get it" He smiled so wide that it lit up every inch of the room. No, I decided, every inch of the world. "Understanding Grandma's career in wrestling is, actually, the first ingredient to a good pineapple upside-down."

"Because we gotta flip the cake with the same finesse with which Grandma flipped her rivals in the ring?" I joked.

"You know what, Clementine? I like you."

I blinked, taken off-guard, but Everett had already turned around.

I don't think he meant it like that anyway.

A/n: hey there! If you like Sapphic Gothic Horror, you might enjoy this book by August!

When a series of paranormal murders threaten the student population of Melliford Academy, aspiring dropout Des Winchester must team up with straight-laced (and unfairly attractive) top student Exie Quinnell to stop the murderer before it claims them all.

Click right here to view his profile —> SmokeAndOranges

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