I'm sitting on the King's throne, legs kicked over the edge of the arm rest. Feeling the anxiety pumping through my veins, I bite my nails as I await for someone to send for Ezekiel. Old habits that I had thought were long gone have seemed to be turning their ugly heads. I'm about to possibly throw a wrench into his plans. I know he was looking forward to bringing everyone back together for the first time in years. I've heard stories through the grapevine of the communities growing distant with one another. Rick was the glue that kept us together. Now he's gone, and we have all returned to being strangers.
I run a hand through my hair; he disappeared knowing I was in danger, not able to see my rescue to the end. He never knew I eventually came back, safe and sound. As much as I love Daryl, I was also hoping to see Rick's face in that basement, too. That man has done so much for me the second our paths crossed. His loss has been weighing heavily on me ever since I heard the news of his presumable death. Though, it feels like The King filled the void he left behind. They both saved me in very scary moments of my life and brought me back from the edge. Like Rick, I owe my life to Ezekiel.
Charlee took off in a different direction the second we crossed through the gates, muttering something about needing a shower after seeing the dirty bald bitch not long ago. I can't say I blame her. I feel bugs crawl along my flesh when she's in my bubble. But something about her last words and the look in her eyes before leaving sits uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach.
We haven't seen the last of the freaks, I muse.
I smirk when the echos of the King's feet bounce off the walls; behind him I detect Carol's soft footfalls announcing their arrival. "My Phoenix!" He exclaims in greeting, approaching the stage. I roll my eyes and playfully groan at the nickname he's gifted me - it's certainly a contrasting difference from Negan's title for me. "I'm told you bring news."
I glance at Carol watching me curiously from her position next to her husband. They look damn good together, I'll give them that. For some reason, they just make sense, and I'm elated that Carol found happiness in this world. We all deserve it, especially after everything we went through, before and after society has fallen. The King worships her, much to her dismay. She's not used to the affection and adoration he gives her. I can tell she still waits for him to get angry and lash out because it's what she's accustomed to, much like myself and not knowing how to respond to Daryl's love for me.
Sighing, I bring my legs back over from the arm rest, placing my feet firmly on the ground, leaning forward to face this duo head on, "unfortunately, it's not good news," I meet his gaze, observing him grow still, "we got new enemies. They wear the skin of the dead and walk among them." I bow my head, "they killed Jesus."
"Jesus is dead?" Carol gasps.
"I take it you've been to the other communities." Zeke comments. I mean, how else would I know? However, I know he's pointing out the painfully obvious elephant in the room - mostly everyone knows I'm alive.
"Rosita called, so I came." I meet his eyes once more, "I was there when he went down." I begin to retell the story starting from when I ran into Jesus and company on my way to hilltop, and ending it with my encounter with Alpha just hours before. I include the parts where Daryl and I worked together to attempt to get the hostage to speak, not coming back with much before she left with her mother.
However, we don't need to know much more. She gave us enough with the information of Alpha abusing and gaslighting her own daughter. I will approach her differently than I would The Governor and Negan. They liked to show their strength through violence. No, Alpha is more of a psychological warfare fighter than combative fighter. However, something deep inside my soul tells me that we will be facing down yet another war. I'm getting too old for this shit.
Carol peers between the two of us, "should we call off the fair?"
I shake my head, "I already warned the highwaymen." I smirk at the title of the group I had encountered barely a day ago. "Michonne is aware because she was there with us. Aaron, too. The only community coming through blind would be Oceanside. If I had the time, I would warn them but we are hours away from our guests arriving." I shrug, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to set up."
The King nods, something dances behind his eyes. "We managed, but it explains why Jerry found the house barren when he came to fetch you. I was worried you left us."
"Nah, I owe you my loyalty, Zeke. I'll be there when you call. Always. But something important came up and stole me away for awhile." I slap my hands along my legs, "I'm here now." I glance around, pulling myself to my full height, "I'm going to go get ready. I'll see you at the fair."
"Wait," he turns to Carol, "can you leave us? I'd like to speak with her in private." Carol agrees, leaving us alone. He gestures for me to join him on the edge of the stage. I oblige, lowering myself down. I watch him curiously. "How are you? After seeing him..." he trails off.
Him. Daryl. I swallow hard, "I don't know. At first it was hard, but I realized I'm not angry anymore. He wants me back.... Regrets everything." I wince, not able to form full sentences. I chew on my lip in thought, "Zeke, things are just easy with him. It's almost like we fell back into our old pattern."
"The love you two share is so rare, my little Phoenix. I had a thought that if you ever returned to the fold, you two would find your way back to one another." He rubs my back, sensing the anxiety uncoiling in my stomach.
Shrugging, "I'm not who I was when Owen took me."
He grins, "and Daryl's the same as he was six years ago? No, of course not, because as time moves, people change. This world forces us to change and adapt. You know that better than anyone I know. He'll love all of you, broken and damaged pieces, too. Especially those parts because they make up who you are; who you've become. You know, he visited your grave more than anyone else." My necks snaps at his confession, he never mentioned this before. "You guys have a second chance. Don't let it slip through your fingers. Hang on tight, and enjoy the ride. Now, I expect to see you out there, mingling with everyone, and celebrating your return. You deserve it. You deserve happiness, Vanessa."
I groan, "Yes, Dad." He chuckles, leaving me alone in the giant room.
I missed Ezekiel's speech. Instead, I sat in the room I occupy when I come to visit my family at the Kingdom. I had to talk myself into getting up and going to the world outside. It's different at Hilltop because I never called it home. Alexandria was home; it's where most of the people I was once close with reside. How many of them will be angry for the lie I had Carol spew? I'm unsure if I can face the consequences of my choices that had led to this very moment. Do I stand by the call I made? Yes.
I traded my run attire for black leggings, black crop top, and the leather jacket Kelly gave me once upon a time. The high heel boots cover my feet while a bandanna wraps around my head, keeping my hair out of my eyes. I snuck out unseen, now I'm standing at my grave. It's the first time I acknowledged its existence. My fingers trace the name etched into the wood marker, Vanessa R. Dixon. Mother, Wife, Family. Sighing, I wipe the stray tear leaking down my face. I may not be dead, but the woman who was rumored to be buried here, is long gone. I'm only a shadow of who she was.
"I thought I saw a ghost of someone I've known a long time ago." I smirk at the familiar voice. I quickly pull myself together, glancing at Father Gabriel as he comes to stand next to me.
"I didn't know Priest's believed in ghosts. I thought you all classified them as demons walking the world." I cock my head, grinning, "I mean that is how you first reacted to me. Shit, looks like we are back at the beginning of our introductions, Father."
He matches my smile with one of his own, "I had a feeling you were still alive."
"What? God tell you that?" I tease. He knows I follow a different religion, but has grown to respect my path. It doesn't stop me from poking fun at him every chance I get.
He shakes his head, dark face growing serious. "I noticed Rosita sneaking out every once in awhile. I followed her one day, worried she was meeting with another man in secret. Instead, I followed her to you. When I realized it was you, I didn't tell anyone, assuming there's a reason you wanted everyone to think you were dead." I chew on my lip, watching him shrug, "I also know you. You're one hell of warrior and survivor. No one can take you down, not even that man. You might be knocked down a few notches for a minute, but I have a feeling even death wouldn't want to come face to face with you."
"You didn't tell anyone?" I whisper.
"No. If Rosita didn't tell me, I had to respect your wishes. She doesn't know that I knew. I'm just glad she has you. I'm also glad you're back. I missed your humor, my friend." I return my gaze to my grave, letting his words settle inside my bones. "I'll see you around, Vanessa. Don't be a stranger, please." I nod, not watching him leave, just hearing his footsteps retreat.
I move to the grave next to mine, getting on my knees. I bury my fingers in the grass, not wanting to look at the name etched into the wood. "I miss you, Dad. I'm still so sorry you had such a violent death. You didn't deserve it." Neither did Tori. I let my head fall into my hands, trying to swallow the sob that's building in my throat and old rage swirling in my soul. Owen took so much from me, and I wish I could kill him over and over and over until the end of time. I hope that's exactly the punishment Hades is handing him. He deserves much worse than what I gave him. I got my revenge, but I still harbor so much hate towards him. Because of him, Daryl found Leah. We lost six years together. He lost six years with his children. How can that redneck not harbor any animosity towards me?
I take a moment to pull myself back together before I stand, sucking in a deep breath, trying to search for my resolve, throwing the negative emotions behind the wall already littered in cracks. I can't avoid the fair much longer. It won't be long before the King himself seeks me out, dragging me over kicking and screaming.
"Vanessa." I peer over my shoulder, spotting Michonne standing behind me. I swear under my breath; how much did she witness of my small breakdown? "I heard you were here. Can we talk?"
"Yeah, sure." I turn my frame, coming face to face with her.
"Why?" is all she asks. One simple, short, three letter word, but I understand that it holds a lot of weight. I understand what she's asking - why did I not return. A loaded question I'm surprised I haven't faced until this very moment.
"Because I had to. Because I was angry. Because I wasn't her," I gesture to the grave behind me. I allow the I'm still not hang in the air between us. "I had to protect you guys as much as I had to protect myself."
Her dark eyes search my face, I observe as she studies me carefully. "But we were your family."
"Mich, I didn't even go to Daryl." Sighing, "I don't want to talk about it. Not today. Please."
She nods, beautiful face unreadable, "okay. Ezekiel called a meeting for the leaders. You've been requested to be there." She signals for me to follow her through the crowd.