My neck rolled around as I tried to work out the relentless aching soreness. My plan for the night worked about as well as it could have, though if the raw inflamed slashes on my back were indicative of anything it's that they'll always find a way to get exactly what they want.
I had hoped I would get a moment to myself before school demanded my attendance and attention. But the weather seemed to be matching my mood as it smacked everyone's faces with potent intensity and lugubriousness.
The pouring rain held my gaze as I leaned up against one of the school shelter pillars, trusting it with the entirety of my weight since it didn't seem like my legs could support it.
Two young girls were running messy circles with their raincoats flapping against the breeze, their giggles were harmonious and I couldn't help but stare with a hidden yearning.
My school was a K-12 so it wasn't completely unusual to be seeing such little kids in the area, though by this time it was definitely less common. There were multiple buildings separating the grades but no one was ever where they were supposed to be which made looking after Kaylee effortless.
After watching the exuberant girls for a moment more I swiftly wipe the tear that had fallen subconsciously and turn on my heel to enter the building before the bell rang and the halls were made uncomfortably chaotic.
As I made my way through the place with expert invisibility I adjusted the hoodie off my back to give my wounds some air to breath. Each mark screamed for recognition with every movement but giving in this early would needlessly condemn me to an excruciating school day.
My only goal was to make it through first period with minimal movement, then I could take my second dose of painkillers for the day.
I follow the patterns on the floor that I've memorized through years of zooming through the halls with my head down. There was an indentation on the far left faded green square that meant I had to take a right, then after a few more paces I'd meet with the broken water fountain which indicated another right before I reached my destination.
A group of freshmen stood before my landmark water fountain cheering boisterously at something on one of their phones, and it distracted me for only a moment but long enough to find myself suddenly slammed on the floor with every remanence of wind knocked out of me.
My body was sent into a panic as it attempted a long agonizing wheeze to somehow force air into my lungs as they refused to cooperate in this critical moment.
No, please. There was no way my parents made their way in again.
I slightly trembled, not moving from my spot on the cold dirty floor as I clutched the front of my hoodie and chest hoping for some kind of relief.
"Fuck me." I grumbled to myself.
"Well, since you asked so nicely."
"Kevin shut up."
My glare was instinctive and violent, but as soon as I realized where I was and what was happening I cleared my expression.
Hastily, my panicked eyes survey the scene to see a disgruntled blonde girl pushing her loose hair from her face to get a better look at me as two guys and three girls of different shades and heights stood behind her, all with varying expressions.
No parents, no real life or death situation.
"Walk much?" She spits meeting my eyes and taking the hand that was extended to her to stand up gracefully.
My heart processed the alarming situation before my mind did, speeding up exponentially as I came to the realization that I'd just knocked over one of the most genetically blessed human beings in a ten foot radius, an attribute that almost completely guaranteed she was someone well liked and well known.
In high school the hierarchy and cliques are generally based on looks, talents/interests, and occasionally personality.
The women who were lucky enough to start developing in middle school had an almost untouchable level of confidence by the time they got here. And sometimes those looks went hand in hand with a sense of entitlement and a need for attention. They were the ones more likely to cause a scene for no reason. Just like how good looking guys or ones with some kind of talent— usually related to sports or music— felt the need to be obnoxiously loud. Similar deals. Every grade and every school had them at varying degrees.
Natalie Davis, I'd gone to school with her since I was eight. Everyone noticed when she developed because it hit her like a truck in fifth grade when she got her period. A lot of girls were jealous but I knew the depressing reality of the situation when I caught our janitor looking at her training bra padded chest.
She's always been beautiful and once she was old enough to know how to, she used it to her advantage.
"Here, let me help you." The other boy extended his hand with an encouraging grin.
Jayden Gonzalez, a cocky little shit that was known as the star of our school's varsity baseball team and my only real academic competitor in our grade. He was also unfortunately my neighbor and had been ever since we moved in with Christian. I'm pretty sure his parents have called the cops on my family once or twice.
I wasn't completely up to date with the school's scandals and gossip but I was pretty sure he was dating Natalie, which would somewhat explain why her side eye directed at me was so vicious.
Jayden was notorious for being a major flirt but people loved him for it because it was always lighthearted and usually entertaining. I've never been too fond of him and his antics but I don't really know the guy, I've lived a few houses down from him since the beginning of time and I don't think any conversation has gone past five minutes.
As I looked along the sea of faces I recognized more people than I would care to admit, mostly because I haven't talked to any of them since I started at this school as a wide eyed kid.
I try to keep my distance from everyone, especially the "well known" kids because I don't need the extra attention. Of course, with my luck I end up knocking one down, and she isn't especially known for her empathy.
"Goddammit, now I'm sure my hair is all big and frizzy."
It wasn't. It was still in perfect long curls down her back.
Ignoring the hand, I turn carefully onto my side, the pain being unimaginable, as I tried to get myself up without greatly affecting my fresh wounds. I'm halfway off the ground before I see the hand is no longer being offered and they are now under each armpit to aid me the rest of the way, likely due to impatience associated with how long recovering was taking me.
The presumptuous gesture elicited some gratitude but mostly irritation. I didn't know if the aim was to be seen as a gentleman or to play good cop while his girlfriend played the opposite, regardless— I wanted no part of it or the pointed looks from the crowd that came with it.
"Does it speak?" Her hand quickly waved in front of my face and my innate instinct was to grab it and snap it in half, but that wouldn't be productive.
"My bad, I guess I wasn't looking—"
Her light scoff interrupts my soft spoken apology, "Clearly."
My head tilted and eyebrow instantly quirked which made Kevin Borelli, one of Jayden's closest friends and teammates, cover his mouth with a fist to withhold his amusement as he looked between us.
Natalie takes a step forward seemingly encouraged by my expression which forces Jayden into action as he grabs my book bag off the floor, which I hadn't noticed had slipped off, and handed it to me quickly.
"You should go."
"No, she should stay. Stay and explain what the hell her deal is."
She looked like she was ready to throw hands but the fit she just threw over her hair and her two inch long acrylic nails said otherwise.
"Nat, it's not this deep."
I refrain from rolling my eyes at the whole ordeal, I've experienced a lot of shit in my life, it would take more than a craned neck and clapping hands to intimidate me.
"She just fully tackled me like she's some football punter."
"I think you're trying to reference a more offensive position, maybe a linebacker..."
I impulsively chime in earning me a reprimanding look from Jayden that was meant to warn me but failed in effectiveness due to the smirk he was containing.
"It's not worth getting suspended over, she already said she was sorry."
She stood defiantly in front of him wearing a childish pout that indicated she wanted to keep this egregious interaction going.
"Look, I'm gonna go." I try to point over my shoulder and surreptitiously slide out of the conversation. She sucks her teeth and shifts her weight onto one hip giving me a deadly scan before nodding once in what seemed like approval.
"Just watch where you're going next time freshman."
Her comment shouldn't have stopped me, it should have just rolled off my back and blended in with the heaping pile of insults and offending statements I hear at home every day.
But it did halt me and the body attached to the comment didn't elicit even an ounce of fear. She was just a has-been waiting to happen and it was obvious the increase in attention over the years has gone to her pretty head.
I didn't say anything, I simply met her eyes and spit a quiet mocking laugh.
"Something to add?"
"No. I just find it funny that you think I'm a freshman." Especially considering we've known each other since we were children. And that one of my harshest beatings as a kid came after I was sent to the principal's office for kicking our pervy janitor in the crotch.
She scoffs, "Should I have known otherwise?"
I shrug officially feeling fed up with the interaction, I wasn't going to escalate the situation anymore, get sent to the office, and earn a more vicious beating over a five minute scene she decided to start and draw out.
"No, you're too self absorbed to know anything beyond the size of your hair. Move." And I bumped her shoulder moving past her receiving the widest eyes and most shocked stares I've ever experienced.
No one was more thrown off by the words that left my mouth and the remorseless attitude attached to them than me.
But as I heard Kevin's loud instigating laugh of ridicule towards Nat, my body burned with guilt.
Natalie had a tendency to lash out and make a scene with people but if you looked at it closely it was obvious that it came from a place of insecurity and desire to prove or establish herself. It was even possible that she had stuff going on at home and while I coped with my dark family life by retreating, it was likely that she dealt with it by acting out.
As soon as I reach my class I plop down and start bouncing my foot fervently. The new anxious feeling born out of that interaction was relentlessly cracking my chest open.
As the final bell rung the last few students stream in and I spot Jayden amongst the crowd giving polite grins of greeting and curt waves as he made his way to the back of the class. I had noticed that we had the same homeroom before but now I was particularly aware of his presence.
"Jessica Cortez?"
"Present."
I slump into my chair but watch from my peripheral as he takes the empty seat next to me, looking my way as he does so. The adrenaline in my system was pounding against my throat.
"Jayden Gonzalez?"
"Here."
The casualness in his deep voice was distinct against the slight shrill in mine.
I pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands to give my fingers something to do. His eyes were still fixated on me as if he was internally debating what to say, if anything at all.
"So Jessica—"
"You know my name?"
My head remained straightforward as I cut him off impolitely, but it didn't seem to faze him.
"I mean, the teacher just said it. And we've lived across from each since like the third grade so..."
I narrow my eyes and feel a surge of confidence that compels me to turn and meet his gaze, but the smirk on his lips and unwavering stare was too much and I immediately snapped back into my original position.
"Look I'm sorry about Natalie, she can be a bit much and she's not used to being shown up."
My instinct was to ignore him. I couldn't have a well known pretty boy athlete seen talking to me, especially the one dating Natalie Davis, that would instantly be the piping hot tea of the week.
"But it seems like you can hold your own pretty well."
My nails rhythmically tap on my desk as I keep my eyes trained forward onto the projector screen that was powering on with our daily announcements.
"Kevin practically lost his shit when you pushed past her, it's rare that Nat doesn't get the last word."
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, what on earth could be the reason behind me knocking over a girl like Natalie and provoking the seemingly most chatty guy on the planet?
"But—"
"Do you always carry on a conversation for this long with someone who's ignoring you?"
It was at this point that I finally presented him with my full attention and a quirked eyebrow.
"No, usually people have enough social awareness and integration to respond or at least politely end the conversation." His smirk returns and it was evident he felt mild triumph at his slick statement.
"But you're not really into the whole social norms thing right? Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think I've ever seen you talk to anyone outside of a group project or academic question. And— the whole thing today of course."
I couldn't tell if he was trying to be an asshole or inquire about an actual observation.
"Listen, I don't know what this—" I motion towards him and his sneaky grin, "—is all about. But I'd really like it to stop, preferably before your girlfriend tries to rip me a new one."
He slouches back into his seat crossing his arms over in his chest in what seemed to be deep thought. After a few moments of silence that I had preemptively assumed to be a victory, he responds.
"My girlfriend?"
If Natalie was indeed insecure, I could easily see how her relationship played into it. I would be too if my boyfriend flirted with everyone and pretended I didn't exist when asked.
"You mean Natalie?" His eyebrows knit together and I snap my head towards him with narrow eyes like he was stupid.
"Okay, first off— ew."
"Shut up, she's gorgeous." I respond with a harsh scoff.
"She's my cousin Cortez."
My mouth was left slightly agape with the new knowledge while my face began to flush, feeling stupid and mildly embarrassed for my accusation.
He begins to roar with laughter which made a few heads turn and my face grow hotter. I guess I really was out of touch with my surroundings.
When he finally calms down he looks over at me again and says, "You don't have to worry about her, I won't let her do anything to you for talking to me."
I bite the inside of my cheek in resigned contemplation before asking, "Why is it exactly that your speaking to me? All of a sudden?"
"I find you fascinating."
"What you mean is, you think I'm peculiar."
Jayden narrowed his eyes in offense.
"I didn't say that, don't put words in my mouth."
It was difficult to mask my exasperation as I maintained his attention with his entire body turned towards me.
"Well thank you, but I have no interest in being your social experiment."
"Is it that difficult to believe that someone would just want to be your friend?"
"Based off what? One interaction wherein I was telling off one of your family members?"
He couldn't help the smirk that crawled onto his face or the mischievous gleam in his eyes. It was obvious he liked a challenge and I was only egging him on by denying him my company and friendship.
"I mean, that's a pretty surefire way of getting in my good graces." I nearly growled at his persistence but instead chose to turn back towards the front of the class and resume my initial plan of ignoring him.
If he was looking for entertainment or a good time, he was searching in the wrong place. And if he was looking for something special he'd end up deeply disappointed.
I pull out my binder and start to copy the notes the teacher began writing on the white board not paying attention enough to know if it was important or if it even needed to be copied.
"So Cortez, what would you say if I asked you to hangout?"
"I think you know the answer to that one Gonzalez." I respond in a whisper through gritted teeth.
I could go my entire life without experiencing a bad boy player phase and not lose a wink of sleep over it.
"What if it's not an offer you can turn down?" I begin to tap my pencil to exhibit my irritation before responding, "Then that would make it a demand which puts you at risk for losing a limb."
He chuckles heartedly not the slightest bit thrown off by my aggressiveness.
"Demand sounds harsh, I see it more as a— spirited recommendation or proposal. Which is much more rude to turn down."
"I don't think that's how it works."
His initial goal may have been to get me to hang out with him but it had noticeably shifted to simply getting me to keep talking with him, and for some aggravating reason his teasing and taunting was working.
"Well how about we meet up after school, I buy you a late lunch and we look it up together? This isn't the kind of thing we wanna go our whole lives being wrong about."
My eyes grow wide and I had to conceal how impressed I was by the smooth transition despite it making my face slightly flush.
I could see why girls flocked to him but having feelings for someone like that is complete emotional suicide. On top of that, my life is an absolute horrid mess, there was no way I was bringing someone into the mix that easily, friend or otherwise. I couldn't risk exposing myself due to a selfish desire to socially integrate.
A few more years of this routine and I was free, I'd be able to move out and escape my parents. I wasn't letting anyone or anything jeopardize that.
"You seem to be thinking pretty hard about my suggestion," The cocky triumph was evident in his voice and I swiftly realize how hard I was furrowing my brows as I sat in contemplation. I immediately wipe my face of all emotion and focus completely on the academic workload in front of me.
The rest of the school day passed by rather quickly with no other complications. Jayden didn't bother me much more in class, only a few slick comments here and there before he left me alone. I managed to avoid everyone from my morning confrontation for the entirety of the day which was a massive relief given how small the high school section of my school actually was. And by the end of the day the wounds on my back were somewhat healed with the sensation of movement being far less agonizing.
I make my way outside into the muggy New York air that smelled of fresh rain. The chatter from all the students rushing out at once was somewhat deafening and anxiety inducing, I move to raise my hoodie over my head but am halted by an attention demanding pat on the back. I cringe and sharply hiss at the friction it created against my injuries, instantly jumping away from the contact before registering it as a playful gesture from Jayden following the farewell he shot towards his friends.
"Still sore from your tumble earlier I see."
My eyes fixate on his with a deadpan expression.
"What do you want Gonzalez?"
"An answer to my earlier question Cortez."
I inhale deeply starting to take a realistic inventory of my situation. He was clearly an extremely persistent individual, someone known for his conquests and undertakings of nearly impossible challenges, and currently I was the biggest challenge in his eye-line. Getting me to talk to him would be a feat no one else has ever accomplished. And I fear he won't stop until I let him conquer this stupid endeavor of his, and his continuous attempts would eventually draw attention.
If I was being honest with myself, I knew having a friend was something I always wanted, and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world— besides the fact that it puts us both in mortal danger. Me straying from the set schedule my parents have had me on for years would undoubtedly result in increased disciplinary action, and my parents finding out I've made a friend and god-forbid suspecting I confided my secrets in them could result in catastrophe. Who knows how far they would take it.
No. Being his friend wasn't an option. But getting him off my back was a necessity, for both our sakes.
There is a constant tapping that suddenly comes to the forefront of my consciousness and pulls my attention with narrowed irritation as I discover his foot to be the source.
"Do you mind?"
"While this long dramatic pause has been fun, it's making me a bit restless."
I clench my jaw and suck in a deep inhale, allowing myself a few more stretched out seconds to back out of this terrible plan.
"You're not gonna let this go are you?" His face that previously mirrored my annoyance instantly contorted into one filled with amusement. "See, we've only been friends for a day and you already know me so well."
Oh lord.
I roll my eyes and start towards the hills behind the public park that sat next to our school. I usually had to wait about a half an hour for Kaylee to come out due to the slightly different release times and the fact that she likes to dawdle with her friends after dismissal. He would have until then to speak to me and nothing more.
His proximity to me as we traveled the distance was noticeable but I didn't know if he was actually suspiciously close or if I was overthinking everything because I haven't had a friend since pre-adolescence. It filled me with a squirmy warm feeling in my stomach that I didn't enjoy whatsoever.
The park was well kept which meant the colors of the play area were extremely vibrant while the grass was clean cut. Everything felt calmingly unassailable and refreshing. The sun was peeking behind the clouds treating us to a few of its rays without burdening us with its full intensity. I couldn't help but direct my face towards it with eyes slightly shut to soak it in. I wasn't given many moments of uninterrupted tranquility.
After a few moments of what felt like a break from reality, I snap back into the present moment and open my eyes directing them towards Jayden to see what he was doing and whether I could figure him and his motives out.
It startled me to find him watching my movements with obvious curiosity and a hint of a smile playing upon his lips.
I couldn't explain it but being under his gaze was equally unnerving and exhilarating, my brain couldn't fully comprehend the contradiction.
We reach the top of the hill, with some effort on my part, and he immediately sits despite me pausing to observe the dew covered grass for a moment calculating how much noticeable pain I would experience from crouching down.
He studies me for a moment before going into his bag and taking out his varsity jacket, laying it flat on the damp grass next to him with an encouraging beckon as though he'd solved the problem.
I purse my lips trying to plop down as gracefully as I could, eventually managing it after a few moments of internal struggle.
After a few seconds of silence and glancing off back towards the school, he speaks up.
"So what do your parents do?" I cringe at the question cursing myself for thinking this would be easy.
"Um.. they're sculptors." Of ugly scars and horrible memories.
He didn't wait long before hitting me with a follow up question.
"What's your biggest fear?"
"Dying."
He chuckles at what I could only assume was the presumed impracticality of my response.
"How likely is it for people our age? I mean, given that you don't drive, heavily drink, or do drugs yet."
"You're so right Gonzalez, look at that— fear gone. You're a miracle worker."
He smirked at my sarcasm while I rolled my eyes. If only he knew how wrong he was, the odds weren't looking too good for me regardless of all those factors.
"Alright, what's your favorite color?"
It was starting to feel like an interrogation and I still hadn't resolved his motive on why he wanted to know so much about me, especially irrelevant things like my favorite color.
"Blue." He nods in agreement with a casual shrug, "That's my favorite color too. Guess we're more alike than we thought." I scoff instinctively.
"It's a color and it's also a basic color. I could find ten other boys in this school with blue as their favorite color."
He narrows his expression with a mix of slight defeat and intrigue in his eyes, "Why are you such a smart ass?" The question threw me off and I half expected to be offended since the only other person who calls me a "smart ass" is Christian, but the way Jayden said it almost sounded like a compliment. Like he was annoyed by how he couldn't get through my quick witted and sarcastic barrier but also couldn't help but be impressed by it.
He waited for a response or a rebuttal and the reason why this felt like such a hot seat interrogation began to sink in.
"You know I just realized I haven't ask you any questions."
"Yeah, I was kind of chalking it down to the whole lack of social integration thing."
I bit back my amusement at his quick timed slick response.
"Well I don't want to be the only one revealing things."
"What do you wanna know?"
I hadn't thought that far.
My mind begins to run over the endless options for inquiry as I graze my hand absentmindedly along the grass. The hill wasn't that tall but it still felt like I was flying.
"Uh... what do you do for fun?" I ask, finally settling on a basic open ended question.
"Oof, uh.. don't have a lot of free time with practice and the pressure my coach and parents put on me to keep good grades, but I guess I would say I'm a big movie watcher? I like listening to music... I work out, play a bit of piano— that's about it. What about you?" He appeared to be moderately vulnerable when answering, as if a few of his interests weren't entirely known to the public. But I doubt something like piano playing or being a movie nerd was anywhere near enough to taint the reputation of Jayden Gonzalez.
"I— don't really have a lot of time for fun either." I immediately regretted my words as soon as they left my mouth and I wished with everything in me I could suck them back in.
"Why not?" It was obvious that would be his follow up question, which is why it would've been much simpler to lie.
"I just don't." My answer was curt and unintentionally harsh, and I guess the look on my face confirmed I didn't want to be pushed more on the subject because he seemed to back off despite his evident frustration.
"You are quite the enigma Cortez."
I bite down firmly on my lip and stare at my ratted shoes as if that would numb the indescribable agony that coupled having to withhold the truth and manipulate another person into thinking I was okay.
After a few moments of silence I look back up to check if he was offended only to find him studying me thoughtfully again as though all the answers he craved would suddenly appear or unfold if he searched closely enough.
Holding the eye contact felt foreign and unnatural, but I also wasn't compelled to be the one to break it.
You have to admit, he's objectively attractive.
As soon as the thought crossed my mind I had to refrain from allowing my eyes to grow noticeably wide and I broke the locked stare drowning in undertones to lye on my back and stare up at the sky for a moment of relief.
My skin felt prickly with my palms suddenly being damp with sweat as I focused on the oddly shaped moving clouds.
I hated to admit that despite how dangerous it was, I was actually enjoying spending time with Jayden. It wasn't a thought I could give full credibility to because enjoying an interaction like this put me at risk for desiring another and possible attempting it.
"What's your favorite moment? Like if you had to pick just one, what would it be." I asked following a period of absolute silence.
"Meeting you."
"Oh shut up."
He roars with laughter falling back as he did so he was now laying in the grass leveled with me.
"You were getting all serious on me, I had to bring smart-ass Cortez back."
There was no withholding the grin and slight chuckle his response elicited. I could understand why he was so well liked, his charisma was alluring.
"No really, what is it? Serious answer this time." I turn to my head to look at him, my hands resting gently on my stomach and we made eye contact. He appeared to be wavering between actual vulnerability again or another joke as a protective front.
I wondered how vulnerable he could really be with friends when they all seemed to be playing the game of high school, the one you only win if you're the most enjoyable to be around— deep serious conversations hardly fit into that.
"I guess it has to be when my little sister Camila was born. She annoys the shit out of me, but everything seemed to fall into place after she came." I subtly smirk satisfied that I was proven correct. There was another side of him, he just felt he wasn't allowed to show it.
"See, that was cute." He rolls his eyes smirking and it began to hit me, I really want a friend, but there was no way rationalize it's necessity or the risk being worth it. That is unless me getting a friend wasn't the main motive but rather a convenient secondary outcome.
"Jayden how old is your sister?"
"She's in the sixth grade, so eleven about to be twelve."
I nod entering deep contemplation.
If Kaylee befriended this girl it wouldn't be me asking to hangout with a friend, it would be me chaperoning her hangout and happening to see Jayden once in a while when I did.
I mean who knows if this could be anything, I could get tired of his company by the second or third time of seeing his face, but I did know that I was tired of depriving myself of a basic human desire— companionship and simply being heard and understood by another individual.
"Why?" He interrupts my train of thought nonchalantly while also pulling out his phone to seemingly check the time or a notification.
"My sister is kind of a loner. I was considering rallying the two up, giving them each a new friend."
"Huh, I wonder where she learned that from."
I shove him lightly in mild offense sitting up.
"I just hope your sister is more talkative than you are because mine is nothing like me, she's shy as shit." He continues, finding humor in mildly riling me up and I roll my eyes seriously considering the plan.
Part of me felt selfish for using Kaylee for personal gain, but it wasn't like she wouldn't at least be gaining a friend, and for someone as social as she actually was I'm sure she wouldn't mind adding another member to her friend roster.
I couldn't help bubbling with anxiety at the risk factor though, and I wasn't sure why I was preemptively planning to go through so much trouble for this guy. I firmly established when I agreed to this that it would be a one and done deal. And here I was going back on my word and he wasn't even the one asking me to.
Going back to how things were this morning wouldn't be impossible. All I had to do was stand up, say farewell, and leave this guy without turning back or uttering another word. I could return to wordlessly sitting in class with my hood up and my sleeves drawn— but as stupid as I feel saying it, the girl I was this morning feels light years away.
Jessica from this morning hadn't stood up for herself in years, she hadn't spoken to anyone— especially a guy, and she would never dare defy her parents.
But the Jessica living in this very moment felt free, and listened to, and every fiber in her being screamed to hold on to that feeling.
"Cortez, can I ask you something?" He looks up from his phone and I furrow my brows nodding hesitantly.
"How come you stopped hanging out with everyone? I remember when you first moved in and started school you talked to everyone, I think you even came to some of the houses in the neighborhood for birthday parties and then one day you just stopped. Like a switch had flipped... what happened?"
How I yearned to admit that my mom married a sick man that convinced her to violently act out on her hatred for me, twisting my entire life upside down.
"I should go." Is all I said instead quickly gathering my things and standing up.
"Wait— I didn't mean to offend—" My swift movements are suspended by him grabbing my hand and holding it firmly but gently. I meet his eyes which almost seemed desperate as they searched mine for any indication of how I felt.
I let myself savor the unthreatening and comforting touch for a second more before I snatch my hand out of his grip.
"I really have to go, I'm sure it's getting late."
"It's only four."
"WHAT?"
My face goes pale, I had definitely spent more time up here than I had allotted. By this time Kaylee and I were usually halfway home.
Suddenly I was racing down the hill with a speed that shouldn't have even been possible with all the marks filling the canvas of my body and the soreness radiating through my muscles.
Today I would certainly be reminded the hard way of why I have never allowed myself to be distracted with friends.