Sheets rustle and the mattress groans the slightest bit with every toss and turn.
The moon is evidently bright outside, a clear night where the rays break through the gap in the curtains causing a stripe down the windowsill and across the floor.
Clifford's dreaming state makes the bed shift, his limbs jolting with a dream no man is ever understood within dogs.
Louis is tossing and turning, his body aching with the need of sleep but his head fully alert and flitting with more and more thoughts and images and memories that keep him awake. He's tried to fall asleep, is trying but no matter how many times he's able to find a small piece of peace within his brain, it turns on him and he's being consumed with more negative thoughts.
He squints his eyes shut, hoping they'll feel too heavy and consume him into sleep land. But they're light, fluttering with his eyeballs that continue to move around as if they're seeking some sort of positive outcome.
He groans loudly, slamming his fists frustratingly into the mattress, eyes peeling open easily. He stares at the dark ceiling before turning over and checking his phone. The bright light stings his sensitive eyes, a few tears springing to them before they subside just as quickly.
02:03
For God's sake!
He can't lay here like this, it's going to consume him if he doesn't move. His legs itch with the need to just run, run far away from all his problems and leave reality behind.
He grabs his duvet and wraps it around his small frame before standing, grabbing a few blankets from his wardrobe and his pillow. Clifford wakes up with the movement, following Louis with his eyes.
"You stay there, lad," Louis bumbles, pecking him on the nose. "I won't be too long."
He leaves the room with Clifford watching him go. He treds quietly down the stairs and makes it to the boot room door, opening it slightly and the alarm is loud. He winces at the sound, but nothing in the house unsettles. He closes the door gently behind him, shoves his feet inside some sliders and unlocks the back door, walking out into the night.
It's barmy, not too cold but not too hot that the duvet wouldn't be pleasant wrapped around him. He hears a screech owl and watches a bat whizz past.
The automatic light switches on with his movements, lighting up his path before him. He rounds around Orchard Cottage and toward the orchard itself.
He sees the trampoline beckoning him in. He takes his time to walk over there, dew tickling his ankles from where they're exposed from his cotton shorts he's worn for bed.
The trampoline springs groan in protest when he hops up onto it after kicking his shoes off. He arranges the blankets onto the damp trampoline, laying atop of them afterwards, looking up to the stars ahead.
They twinkle and wink, inviting him in with just a glance. The moon is half bright, the other covered in the shadows from where the sun hasn't made its course.
He breathes in the fresh night, letting the breath out slowly. He tightens the duvet further up his neck when he hears the high pitch buzz of a mosquito nearby.
His neck hairs stand up on end when he hears light footsteps padding their way over toward him. He doesn't go to check who it is. There's only three possibilities who it could be.
First being Peter but he would never wake up to the back door alarm because his bedroom is on the other end of the house so he's peaceful.
Second would be Harry which he wouldn't particularly hate to be because, well, it's Harry.
Third would be a demon wanting to take Louis as far into the woods as possible before sacrificing him.
He's putting his bet on the second option, but the third isn't too far behind.
"What are you doing out here?" a voice asks from behind him.
Yep. There goes the tummy butterflies over the deep drawl of the voice.
"I couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you," Louis replies, still staring up at the sky.
Harry shuffles behind him and the trampoline dips beside Louis, springs wailing. He lays beside Louis, his own blanket around his shoulders.
"You didn't wake me. I was already awake, couldn't sleep either."
Louis looks at him then. The way he's sitting cross legged with a blanket thrown over his shoulders, hair pooling down his shoulders, head to the floor, makes him ever so childlike. He wants to wrap his arms around Harry and pull him in close.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" Louis asks, voice feather like so he doesn't disturb the peace of the night.
Harry shrugs. "Feel like my mind is waiting for something to happen and I don't know what. What about you?" His gaze catches Louis.
Louis shrugs back. "Mind whirring with too many thoughts. Come lay down, let's stargaze."
Harry obliges and settles beside him, his knee bumping against Louis'. Louis sits up and throws his duvet over Harry's body as well.
"Don't want any mossies eating us now do we," he mumbles, giving Harry a weak smile.
He lays back down and looks up to what he believes is Mars. Its red glow the only colour against the inky sky.
"If you could change how things turned out for you, would you?" Louis asks into the night.
There's something about talking in the empty night that brings people to open up. It's as though they understand the moon will cage in their secrets and never reveal them. Makes them feel as though they're safe to speak them for the first and possibly the last time.
"What do you mean?" Harry replies.
Louis plays with the end of the duvet seam. "Like, if you could turn back time and not become famous, would you?"
Harry is quiet for a moment. "There's some things I would change, but I wouldn't want to change being there for people with my music, no. Giving them something to save them makes me feel like I've achieved more than the selling out stadiums."
"What things would you change?" Louis ponders.
Harry shifts a little, leaning his head against his arm. "Um..." he falls silent. "I don't know if I'm allowed to say," he whispers truthfully.
"The stars will be the only ones to share our secrets with us, H. I wouldn't blab them to the world, contract or no contract," Louis assures, tilting his head to look up at Harry.
Harry looks toward him. "For starters I'd change who I assigned to. There's so much that management control, it's exhausting." He chews his lip. "I'd change the way they image me as. Like, I'm not this guy that wants every skinny blonde girl. That isn't who I am."
"A blind person could see that, Harry," Louis chuckles. "You're too great to be the one that breaks people's hearts like they've painted you out to be."
"There comes a time when a blind man takes your hand and says can't you see?"
Louis takes that in for a moment. It speaks so loudly than anything Harry has ever said to him before. He must be screaming at this point and Louis feels for him.
All this time, people see him as this home wrecker womaniser that just wants to fuck about with girls like they're pawns in a game. But he clearly isn't anything near as that.
He's just spoke a million words with only speaking a few.
"What about you?" Harry questions. "Would you change anything for you?"
Yes, Louis' mind says. Loads, one particular stands out.
"Yeah, I guess. One would be who I dated in the past." He swallows thickly.
Harry quirks a brow, smiles. "Ohh, bad dates?"
Louis nods. "One gu-girl once used me to get Tom Holland's autograph because he was their celebrity crush. Found that out when she was on the phone to her boyfriend telling him she'd get to Tom soon."
That was one crazy dating experience. He won't mention the most recent one, that is one that haunts him for life, and it's still the one that floats around keeping him up at night most nights now.
He also feels a little tight chested after almost slipping up the fact that his date was a guy. He knows Harry wouldn't judge, but he's also not exactly certain he wants to come out, even if he has a crush on the lad or not.
Harry gazes over at Louis. "That's such a shit move, I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Louis looks back up at the stars, tucking the duvet over his chin. He's sure a few mossies have already sucked the living day light out of his face and neck already, but he will stay precautious.
"It is what it is and there's nothing I can do to change that," Louis mumbles.
He means it in more ways than just that. More than just that date but also more specifically the previous boyfriend. He wishes he could turn back time and tell the guy no from the start or none of this would have happened.
He's spiralling again. He can feel it.
He lays his hand on his chest, feeling his breath as he deeply inhales and let's it slowly out through his mouth.
Harry must notice the shift in Louis' behaviour because he quickly changes the subject. "Did you know that we are basically looking back in time because how the light takes so long to travel to us?"
Louis' brows crease. "So like... those stars are like years older than what is true?"
Harry hums. "I guess so, yeah."
"Does that mean, say, a star exploded now, we'd see it years down the line?"
Harry makes a noise in his throat. "I actually have no idea. Who knows, maybe tomorrow one of those stars will be gone."
"I'll probably forget which stars I've seen to be fair," Louis replies. He points up to the sky, seeing a satellite lazily drift past. "Can you see the satellite?"
Harry lifts his chin up. "Where?"
"There!"
"Where? I don't see it."
"There!" Louis exasperates. He shifts closer to Harry, not taking his eyes of the satellite in order to follow its course from Harry's point of view. His temple rests gently against Harry's and he grabs Harry's arm and makes his hand point to the satellite.
"Oh! Yeah, I see it!" Harry finally cheers, dimples popping like craters in the moon.
Louis has the urge to kiss him. From the way his eyes are the colour of the jade resting on Lottie's windowsill upstairs, the way the moon casts shadows along his face, defining the jaw; his pink lips ruby red much like the poppies that grow on the outskirts of the garden behind Oak Cottage. He's like an angel came to keep him from his sorrows. It's like the Greek Gods' have sculpted him from the richest marble. Like the fairies have sprinkled their gold dust and created the most miraculous thing before them.
Harry looks over to Louis who doesn't realise is staring. His eyes soften with his smile.
"What?" Harry mutters with a light giggle.
Louis shakes his head with a smile, blush coating his cheeks because he's now been caught staring. "Nothing."
"No go on," Harry urges. "Secrets with the stars, remember?"
Louis rolls his eyes. "Call me a creep but I'm just admiring how pretty you really are."
Harry is as red as a cherry now, dusting up his ears. He bites his bottom lip. "You think I'm pretty?"
Louis nods. "Yes."
"Creep," Harry jokes and Louis snorts, bashing his knee against Harry's.
Harry turns so he's looking at Louis fully, Louis' heart flutters.
"Well you're just as beautiful," Harry bumbles shyly.
Louis giggles. "Fuck off," he squeals, tucking his head into his shoulder to mask his blush.
He looks back over to Harry, the pair quiet. Louis doesn't know if it's him being delusional, but he's sure Harry has moved closer, his head inching closer whilst his eyes flitter between his and his lips.
Louis creeps just slightly closer, heart hammering quickly in his chest. Something in Harry's eyes changes, hard exterior building a wall between them and he's quick to move slightly back.
Louis feels a little deflated. He feels slightly stupid for expecting... something. He doesn't know what was about to happen, but he was hoping a graze of the lips or something of the same level.
"Would it be stupid if we were to sleep under the stars?" Harry whispers up to the sky.
Louis settles back, head against the cool trampoline. "Not as stupid as sleeping in the pool," Louis mumbles.
"You've done that?"
Louis nods. "Yeah. With the inflatable lilo, thought it would work that was until I got woken up by falling into the pool and having to trudge back home wet. It wasn't my best decision."
Harry is giggling into his palm. "Sorry, that's hilarious. Why did you even think that would work?"
Louis rolls over onto his tummy, kicking his legs in the air. "I was a dumb teen, H, not much went through my brain."
Harry snuggles into the duvet, stifling a yawn. "I remember once I tried to sleep in a tent with my sister but we didn't put the pegs down. It was on a hill and it was windy, and, well, yeah... we went rolling down the hill like a tumbleweed."
Louis slowly blinks up at him. "That's pretty dumb as well."
Harry nods. "Yeah, you're right. But hey, when are kids not?"
"That's true," Louis says muffled against his pillow. "Well then, Harold, if you want to sleep under the stars, I guess we have to actually sleep."
Harry instinctively moves closer to Louis and his body heat, nestling further into the blankets. "Good night, Louis," he says.
Louis smiles gently. "Goodnight, Harry."
They close their eyes, but Harry breaks the settled silence with a, "thanks for being here with me, you have no idea how lonely it can get," before he's falling asleep.
The sentiment makes Louis' brain whirl. What possibly could he mean by that?
It's not enough to make him fall asleep though, because Louis' mind is now occupied with something else that is calmer than his thoughts prior.
"I'll always be here for you as much as I can be, H," Louis replies sincerely before he's finally able to drift into sleep.