**This takes place in my interpretation of Season Three of Alice in Borderland.
School uniforms often bothered me. Never because I had to wear one, or because of the monotonous characteristic of them, or because I missed school. No — rather, now, it was because that was the final thing I remembered. I was at a cafe with Haruka, watching a student in his uniform buying something to drink, and I was reminiscing on my days as a student with my ex, Niragi — after that, everything because a jumbled mess of memories.
Hadn't I left the table?
Had I gone to get another drink? Another snack?
Had I used the restroom?
Had Haruka done something so unforgivable I finally built the strength to leave?
Surely not; had that happened, I'd of left before we even hit our one year anniversary. But, perhaps he did. He seemed completely unimportant in my mind as I got drug out of the rubble; for some reason, through my confusion, all I could think of was that male student and his uniform.
"We've got one over here!" The words were submerged in the sound of crunching rocks, frantic voices from a distance, and sirens echoing through the air. My body was aching violently that, even though I was barely conscious and my body felt weightless, I cried out. Hands grabbed my arms and leg, lifting me until I was set on an even surface.
Forcing myself to open my aching eyes and fight through the unconscious sensation pulling in the back of my head, I turned my head to the side to figure out what was going on.
I was, however, only more confused.
The once skyscraper-ridden skyline was completely bare, the blue sky replaced with a haze of gray and brown from dust, smoke and debris. Rubble and metal rods were coated everything to the point of invisibility of the streets and sidewalks below, firefighters and paramedics climbing overtop. As my body grew closer to the ambulance, the paramedic shining a flashlight into my eyes, I turned my head the other direction. Dust was floating thick in the air on the left side of me that it was nearly impossible to see anything going on; haphazardly, I saw reflective gear of firefighters.
I looked away after some of the dust hit my lungs, setting my chest ablaze. A cough erupted out of me and I gasped through the burning of my lungs. My head rolled back to face the hazy sky as I continued to cough, watching the sky get replaced by the roof of an ambulance.
Flashlights prodded my eyes once again before an oxygen mask was slipped over my face. The clean air hitting my lungs stunned me and I lost consciousness once again, the ambulance doors shutting behind me, the paramedics frantic and filthy face the last thing I remember seeing.
That was two days ago — per my mother.
I awoke in a hospital bed. A consistent beeping filled the air, drowning out the news that played on the television, and IV's protruded my body. Heavily, I looked around, my eyes struggling to adjust to the bright fluorescent lights. In my peripheral, I saw the curtain separating my bed from my neighbors on my left, and my mom sitting in the chair below the window with a book in her hand on my right.
Slowly, I turned my head to look over at her. Her hair was greasy as if she hadn't washed it in a few days, and the bags under her eyes were heavy. A white blanket was draped over her legs, the teal chair beside her adoring her purse and a small backpack. "Mom?" I croaked out. Speaking hurt, but seeing the worn expression on her face replace with utter relief and joy made it worth it.
Wordlessly, as tears pooled in her sleepy eyes, she tossed her book and blanket into the chair beside her. Her arms were thrown around me in an instant and I winced at the feeling of my body being squeezed. Closing my eyes, I leaned into her touch. I was unsure of what was going on, but it had to of been bad; I hadn't seen her this distressed ever, possibly. As her body shook with a sob, causing my body to shake as well, I couldn't help but mutter, "Ow," over her shoulder.
She exhaled a jagged breath of realization and pulled away from me. Her eyes were glossy with sorry and joy as she looked down at me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she sniffles out, looking all over my face. I wondered how I looked; I vaguely remember the ache I felt when looking at the destroyed streets, as well as the pain in my eyes. Maybe they were bruised? "I've just been so worried, I couldn't help myself. Are you still aching? I can get the doctor for you."
I shook my head, my mouth dry. "I'm okay. I'm thirsty." She nodded and turned around to grab a water bottle, handing it to me. Drinking something for the first time in a few days felt rejuvenating, my body suddenly feeling better. As I handed her the water bottle, I asked, "What happened? How long have I been here?"
Mom looked slightly uneasy. "You've been out for two days. A, uh, a meteor hit Tokyo. Scientists are a little confused on how one that big slipped under their radar... it wiped out the entire city. There's really nothing left..." As she spoke, I turned my attention toward the TV playing in front of me. Sure enough, overhead footage of the destruction played as subtitles filled the bottom half of the screen. It was, as she implied, destroyed. Nothing but debris from once standing buildings coated the ground. "You were buried under a few feet of concrete," she said, noticing me staring at the screen with my mouth agape in shock. "You have a minor concussion, but doctors were more worried about your side and leg. They said some rods from the ceilings went through your side completely, only puncturing the back of your leg — though, they did say the surgery went well. You're on crutches for a while, but you'll be okay."
I couldn't help but let out a built up sigh, my head hitting the back of my pillow. Maybe it was a good thing I couldn't remember any of it, even with the frustration of being clueless. That stupid boy in the school uniform... I wondered if he survived, and if I was haunting him the way he was me. The memory shifted its focus onto what was right in front of me, and I looked back at my mom. "Where's Haruka?"
A somber expression fell onto her face. "He... he didn't make it, honey. I'm so sorry." Another sigh left me, and I turned to look down at my feet. He was dead? He was dead, so why didn't I feel as much pain as I should've? It hurt knowing he was gone, but I also felt like a weight had been lifted off of me; I suppose I couldn't been completely heartbroken after everything he had done to me.
Sitting up, fighting through the pain that jolted through me, I asked, "Am I allowed to walk?" My mom, looking slightly worried, nodded. "I want to go outside, or just out of this room."
"Let me get your doctor first, okay?" I nodded loosely, my gaze following her until she disappeared from the room, then looked back up at the TV. The shift had moved from an overhead of the city and to a news reporter standing in front of it. Firefighters were walking across the destruction behind her as she spoke of no new survivors being found.
I wondered how many of us actually survived.
I was lucky, though, wasn't I? I suppose I was, yet I didn't feel like it. Sitting here in the hospital bed, side and leg sending out aching jolts every now and then even through the morphine in my body, staring at the screen as it recapped everything I didn't remember. Why was I so important I survived? What did I do in my life that earned me a secure place in this world?
Survivors guilt? That's what it's called, right?
If that's what it was, the guilt was almost as suffocating as this hospital room.
It was a relief of masses when my mom returned, a tall man with slicked black hair behind her. His white coat was zipped up halfway over his black scrubs, the black letting above his pocket reading Oki Yaba. Our eyes met and he flashed me a semisweet smile, his eyes distressingly dull. I only assumed someone who bared witness to as much death and suffering as he could hold that little energy in his expression. A faint line of stubble coated his upper lip and chin, and he stopped at the foot of my bed. "Good morning, Ms. Daigo. It is good to see you finally awake. How are you feeling?"
I shrugged, leaning back slightly into my pillow. "Fine, I guess. The pain meds are helping, I think." He gave out a small laugh, my mom smiling beside him. "Look, can I go outside? Walk around or something? I know I've been out for the past two days, but feel like I've been awake and cooped up here the entire time."
"Of course, just be careful. It's going to be difficult to walk for quite some time, but you'll be set as long as you have those crutches. Feel free to roam; our courtyard is lovely and our vending machines are fully stocked," he said, flashing me a wink. I gave back an awkward smile. His demeanor was off in a way, but I tried not to think too much into it given the circumstance. "If you need anything, call me Yaba. No need for formalities when we'll be seeing each other a lot." He bowed in farewell to my mother and I before exiting the room quickly, my mothers eyes following.
She looked back at me when he was out of sight. "Don't tell your father, but he was cute."
"Gross." She laughed as I flashed her a face of disgust. "Where is dad, by the way?" I asked as she grabbed my crutches off the wall, setting them against the bed.
"Work. We were lucky to be visiting your grandparents that day... I wish you went with us," she said more to herself, helping move my legs to dangle over the bed. Standing up felt proved difficult, the muscles in my body tight after laying for two days straight which caused my side and leg to scream in agony. Putting the weight into my crutches helped moderately, though there was a consistent beat of pain in my side and leg.
"Yeah, me too."
Mom had to help balance me as I walked; it was my first time on crutches and they weren't as steady as I always assumed they were. The bottom piece would wobble with each step I made, causing me to feel as if I'd topple over at any minute.
After a few paces around the room, though, I felt sturdy enough to make it without a looming threat of falling. Yet, all of that went out the window when I stepped into the hallway. They were unbelievably cramped with nurses and patients; I wondered if they were all from Tokyo. Mom stayed in front of me to clear a decent path, which somewhat helped. Occasionally, she'd turn around to make sure I was still standing.
The third time she turned around, I had stopped and was staring at the vending machine. My doctor was right: the vending machines were stocked to the brim. Behind the glass laid dozens of sweet and savory snacks in bright colored packaging. My stomach growled as I stared a a pack of crackers, and my mom walked up to me. "Do you want something?" I continued to stare at the crackers, but shook my head. "You sure?"
I nodded, turning back to look at her. "Yeah, I'd rather eat a proper meal after my walk than snack." I continued back to my swaying on my crutches until we reached the doors to the courtyard.
Outside held, perhaps, just as many patients as inside. Either sat at the benches or at tables, some in wheelchairs and others with crutches, some bandaged heavily and others wearing casts. Majority of them seemed happy, but there were a few who seemed spaced out; I supposed I'd look the same if my mom wasn't here. Walking ahead, I sat on a bench a little ways away from everyone by a tree, mom helping me down until I sort of fell onto the warm, sunlit wooden seat.
I rested my head against the back of the bench, shutting my eyes as the sun coated me. It's warmth felt refreshing. "Do you remember any of it?" mom asked from beside me after what felt seemed minutes of silence. I lifted my head, opening my eyes. In front of us were a few tables, one holding a couple playing a game of cards and the other sitting a man with a white hoodie staring absently ahead. I wondered if he was in Tokyo, too, and if he remembered any of it if he were. Did the couple remember, either?
For a second, I stared at them. They looked vaguely familiar.
I shifted my gaze away. "No. I only remember seeing this guy in a school uniform because he reminded me of Niragi, then everything fades off. I can recall bits and pieces of them finding me and the ambulance, but that's it, really."
I saw her nod in my peripheral. "I hope Niragi's okay."
I pursed my lips. It had been two arduous years without him; not a single day went by without me worrying about him. Last I heard, though, he wasn't in Tokyo, so I could only assume he's safe. That thought alone made me feel better about the situation even though he wasn't a part of my life anymore. "Me too. I miss him," I said, laughing after a second.
"Oh, I know you do honey. Your father and I do, too. If it was meant to be, you two will find each other again." I smiled to my self, looking down at my hands. Maybe we would find each other one day; I'd like for us to. "I'm going to grab a drink. I should've grabbed one while we were there but I didn't even think about it. Do you want anything?"
I shook my head, watching her stand. She was only a few steps away from me before I said, "Actually, can you get me some crackers?" She nodded at me before going back to walking.
I looked away from her and back to the field of people in front of me. The man with the white hoodie's gaze found mine and he smiled, and I gave him a small one back. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on how I knew him. Maybe he was at the coffee shop, too? Or maybe he worked somewhere I had been?
My gaze moved over to the couple playing cards when the girl suddenly stood up, and I saw a few cards fly off the table in the wind. She grabbed the ones that landed by their table as one fluttered until it landed in front of me. Leaning forward, I went to pick it up. Six of Spades. I stared down at it for a second before a pulse of pain split through my head, and I winced. Huffing, I shook my head as if trying to shake the pain away; the sun must've reflected off it and into my eyes. I handed the card back to her and leaned back, the pain in my head dwindling.
Maybe a walk right after waking up wasn't the best idea.
To my left, I saw someone dashing go to me. I looked over and saw my mom — a drink under her arm, my package of crackers in her hand, and a look of determined urgency on her face. "Kana," she practically panted when she reached me, grabbing my crutches. She set the snacks down and grabbed my hands to pull me up. "Come, honey, you need to come inside." My brows furrowed but I stood and secured my crutches under my arm. She grabbed the snacks again and began speed walking back to the hospital.
"Mom, wait, slow down. I can't keep up," I complained when she reached the doors as I was still a few feet behind her. She looked ecstatic and anxious.
"Sorry, sorry." She let me into the hospital and she led me down the hall, us passing my room.
"What is it?"
"I was walking in to get our snacks," she explained, her steps barely slowed down, "and as I was heading back, I heard my name get called after I passed this one room. So, I stopped, went back." We turned the corner and she looked into one room before moving to the next door, stopping as if she reached the X on a map.
"And?" I asked as I attempted to catch up, slightly annoyed. She only stayed silent, looking into the room with an eager smile. Frustrated, I shook my head and, when I finally caught up to her, entered the room.
Sitting on the bed, burns coating his face as grazed covered his chest and arms and half of his face, a small bowl of food set in front of him, a desperation on his face: Niragi. My mouth fell open slightly as I stared at him, my eyes looking over his entire body. He was here. He was here. Two years — two crawling years passed, yet I felt the same surge of emotions course through me as we stared at each other that I used to feel with him. "Niragi," I breathed out, and he immediately pushed himself into a standing position despite the gauze on his body making it hard to move.
I met him in the middle as he pulled me into a hug. I didn't care if he hurt me; I let my crutches fall and I threw my arms around him. "Kana." My hand grabbed the back of his head and I buried mine in the curve of his neck. A prickling sensation form behind my eyes as his familiar warmth coated me; it was ten times more refreshing than the sunlight. I never realized how much I needed him until then. "Don't let me hurt you," he said as he held me as close as he could.
"I don't care if you do."
He laughed softly before pulling away to look at me. Even with half of his face covered in gauze and the other burned, he looked as ethereal as always. "Are you okay? Your mom gave me a small run down about your injuries." I nodded, still staring at him like I was trying to engrave his face into my mind. His gaze moved away to look at my mom and I turned only for a second to watch as she, a grateful smile and tears in her eyes, nodded before leaving. "Here, sit down." He helped walked me to the bed and sit down, going back to grab my crutches and set them by his bed.
"I'm okay," I answered when he sat beside me, and I scooted back to sot on the bed better. "I had to have surgery apparently, I guess something from the building I was in punctured through my side and leg. The pain meds are still kicked in so I feel great." He laughed with me. "What about you? You know, aside from..."
"The burns?" He flashed me a reassuring smile, yet I knew a part of him was bothered by it. I couldn't say I blame him. "I'm good. They hurt a lot but nothing I can't deal with." I nodded my head in understanding and he looked over me. He looked so different since the last time I saw him, though I knew I did too. "You finally dyed your hair like you wanted. It looks really good. You look good."
I exhaled a laugh, looking down at my hands to hide the blush on my face. "You look good, Niragi," I said, looking back up at him. He raised a brow and I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, you do. My mom and I were talking about you before she came in here," I admitted, turning to face him more. He helped move my leg onto the bed and he turned himself so we faced each other. "I was telling her that I wished you were okay, how I wished you weren't in Tokyo when the meteor hit. But... I don't know, maybe this is selfish... I've just – I've missed you, you know? A lot." I looked back up at him, his dark tawny eyes glossy.
I was staring at him as if he held the world; I think perhaps, to me, he did.
Whether together or apart, I'd forever be breathlessly in love with him. Even with all of the time we spent apart, he made me feel bubbly. He made me forget about my injuries, forget about everything Haruka ever did to me, about the destruction in Tokyo. With him, he made me feel like a person again; with him, he made me feel like the golden gaze of the rising sun; with him, he made me feel alive.
"When I saw your mom walk by," he said after some time, as he debating to say it or not, "I was hoping you were here. I wanted you okay and safe, but, fuck, Kana, I wanted to see you so bad. I—" His words were cut short as footsteps entered the room, Niragi looking up at the sound. I turned my head and met eyes with the white-hoodied man from the courtyard. "Chishiya. Did that walk make your head feel any better?"
His cat-like eyes moved over from me to Niragi. "It didn't. I didn't know you had a girlfriend."
Niragi and I both sputtered out, "Oh, we're—it's—no–"
He, Chishiya, laughed. "Got it. Were you in Tokyo, too?" I nodded, looking over him. On the exterior, he seemed fine; aside from the bags under his eyes and his skin slightly pale, he seemed almost content. It wasn't until he walked over to his bed to sit, wincing and hand clasping his side, that I realized he, too, was injured.
His hand fell from his side when he was fully sat and looked back up at me. I furrowed my brows slightly. "Do you work somewhere in Tokyo? Sorry, you just look really familiar."
He cracked a smile, gaze moving to Niragi. "I suppose I have a recognizable face. Niragi said the same thing."
Across from me, Niragi scoffed. "You sure are cocky."
"Very. I work in a hospital, if that means anything." I shook my head. "Where were you during the strike?"
"I was at a coffee shop."
He tilted his head slightly. "I'm unsure then." I shrugged, looking away and back at Niragi as he leaned into his pillow. His heavy eyes were watching Chishiya with a slight cautious gleam in his eyes. "Ah, well. I can give you to space, but I did want to ask before I left: care for a game of cards?" Chishiya pulled out a deck of cards from his pocket, holding them up in his hand. Ten of Hearts faced us with a taunting expression.
I'm repetition from outside, a splitting pain rushed through my head. I squinted, letting out a small huff of pain. "You okay?" Niragi asked, leaning forward to grab my hand.
I nodded, the pain subsiding. "Yeah, I'm okay. My head keeps hurting. Sorry. I'll pass for now," I said, answering Chishiya's offer. "You two can, though."
Niragi shook his head. "Maybe later. I'd like to catch up with Kana, if okay."
Chishiya smiled, the corners of his lips sharp. "Maybe so." He stuffed the cards back into his pocket and stood, slowly, before exiting the room.
I turned my gaze back to Niragi after Chishiya was out of sight. "He's strange," I laughed out, which Niragi agreed with. "Can I ask why you were in Tokyo? I didn't think you'd be back here for another two years or something."
Niragi shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable with my question. "Honestly, I wasn't planning on coming back for another two years. But I noticed recently that I was becoming an asshole — grade A one, at that — so I decided to come back to try and remember my old self. It's only been a week, now, since I've returned." He shifted as he leaned back into the pillows once again. "Earlier, I regretted ever stepping back into this city. Not only do I look like this now, but... I planned to visit you that day, you know. I was sitting by the subway debating, and that's when the meteor struck. For days I've been here wishing I went and saw you. Now, I don't think I've ever been more grateful to be in Tokyo when I was. Even with my injuries. I'm just glad you're okay."
I smiled up at him, my heart soaring. "I'm glad you're okay, Niragi. I've been wanting to text you but I knew Haruka would've chewed me out," I said before remembering his death. Was I really that bad of a girlfriend that I forgot he had passed all because of Niragi? No — no, I couldn't think like that. Not when Haruka put me through hell while Niragi always made sure I was happy and okay. I looked at the wall behind Niragi. "I don't think a single day went by where I didn't think of you."
"You never left my mind." I smiled back as he smiled at me, then looked over him. He was leaned back, legs parted slightly. I didn't hold myself back.
Shifting, I pulled myself forward until our chests were against each other. His legs wrapped around my own and I laid down, my ear resting below his collarbone. Without hesitation, his arms came to rest on my back, holding me. I breathed with him, listening to the gentle beating of his heart.
How did I ever think I could replace a feeling like this?
How did I ever think Haruka could compare to Niragi?
I shut my eyes, inhaling slowly. Reuniting with him was the light in the years of darkness.
We laid there for a while, simply enjoying each others presence. Eventually, I exhaled a small laugh, feeling silly to say it. "Niragi?" He hummed. "Don't ever leave me again, okay?"
He laughed, his chest shaking as he did so. His fingers dragged softly against my back in a gentle motion, one that could've put me to sleep right away. "Trust me, sweetheart, I have no desire to." I smiled to myself at him using my old nickname. "Only if you never leave me."
I looked up at him, his chocolate eyes filled with adoration gazing down at me. Was he that dumb? "You're stuck with me, Niragi."
He laughed again. "That's fine with me." The smile on my face quickly faltered as another splitting pain shot through my head. I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain only seemed to get worse in the few seconds it lasted, and when I finally opened my eyes, the lights were flickering. "What's wrong? Is your head hurting again?" The lights went back to normal.
I furrowed my brows as the pain was diminishing, looking around the room. "Did... did you not see that?" I asked, looking back at him. Confusion was clear on his face, leaving me to feel dumb. "Sorry, I thought the lights were flickering. Maybe my pain meds are staring to wear off."
"You should find your doctor, and maybe try to take a nap. You've only been up for a day, I don't want you to push yourself." I nodded, frowning slightly. I didn't want to leave him even if it was just for the night. A part of me felt that I couldn't leave, that I needed to stay right with him. Despite us being separated for all this time, I felt like we had never been apart.
"Can I come back tomorrow?" I asked softly.
"Kana, I'd let you sleep in here if I could." I exhaled a laugh and he helped me sit up. I noticed the sun beginning to set outside; had the day really gone by that fast? After he moved my legs to dangle off the edge of the bed, he grabbed my crutches and helped me onto them. "I'll see you in the morning."
I nodded, smiling at him. "Goodnight, Niragi." Saying it felt both strange yet right. I reached the door and turned back to look at him; I needed to make sure he was still there.
"Goodnight."
I exited into the somewhat quieter hallway, a few nurses and patients walking past me as I headed back to my room. I wondered what time it was, and if I could get something to eat. A proper meal — or anything, if I'm being honest — sounded amazing.
I had no idea where the cafeteria was, though. I was passing my room when I saw Yaba speaking to a male nurse down the hall from me. The clicking of my crutches filled the air and they stopped their discussion to look up at me. Who I assumed to be a nurse, due to his dark blue scrubs and younger looking face than Yaba's, had shaggy black hair with sly eyes. He looked at me, then at Yaba.
"Ms. Daigo," Yaba called before leaving his nurse and walking to go me. "Good evening. How are you feeling?"
I shrugged. "I'm good, think my pain meds wore off, though. My head keeps hurting." I might've made it up, but what looked like displeasure flashed across his eyes before he raised his brows. "I've probably overworked myself, too, since I've only been up a day."
"Possibly. We'll monitor it. Just let me know if it keeps happening, okay?"
I nodded and he bowed a goodbye, but I quickly cut him off. "Um, by chance, where's the cafeteria? I'm hungry." He laughed and gave me quick directions to it, and, after I thanked him and we said farewell, I watched him walk back down to the nurse. They continued their discussion in a more hushed tone than before and walked out of sight, turning the corner.
As I went to turn around toward the cafeteria, I nearly fell over at the sight of Chishiya suddenly standing behind me. He laughed as I cursed at him, and I readjusted my crutches so they couldn't slip out from under me. "My apologies. Didn't mean to scare you. Did they seem odd to you?" I raised a brow. "Yaba, and his nurse, Banda."
I shrugged, steadying my breath. "I don't know, I wasn't paying much attention." I didn't mention what I thought I saw in case I was making it up. Other than that, he seemed maybe more stressed, but I didn't think too much into that. He was dealing with a lot of injured patients, so I could only assume he'd be stressed.
"Somethings bothering them, I think. I'm not sure. Cards?" he asked, changing the topic. He held the deck of cards out again. King of Spades sat atop this time. It wasn't as prominent, but there was a slight ache in the back of my head.
I really needed to eat and take my pain meds. "In the morning, maybe? My head hurts and I'm hungry."
His lips parted with a meager disappointment, but smiled after a second. "Understandable. Well, goodnight." He turned around and headed toward his and Niragi's room, and I watched after him. I wasn't sure who was the odd ones — him or Yaba.
Sighing, I looked around before I picked up my pace to the cafeteria.