CONTENT WARNING: Violence, religious fanatics/implied religious trauma
Even vampires have bad days, and this definitely counts as one of them. Tread carefully; this entire chapter is literally back-to-back angst, they don't get a break.
~~~~~~~~~
How were they only two weeks into tour?
So much seemed to have happened in such a short time; Jinxx wondered if it would be like this the whole year, and if it was, if he'd look back later and remember 2013 at all.
Their shows had been nearly sold out at almost every venue, a massive change from even the previous year, and the crowds' enthusiasm was as infectious and heartening as ever. Already it seemed most of the Army had committed the lyrics of the new album to memory, for Jinxx had heard them singing along to the new songs at every show, and witnessed the expression of pure happiness and excitement that crossed Andy's face every time. Even back on the bus after the shows' end, when they were all too wired to sleep even if they'd needed to, time had flown by―whether Jinxx was in his boyfriends' arms on the couch or buried under their lips in the bunks.
They had a show in Tampa tonight, and Jinxx found himself wondering as he touched up his warpaint in the mirror of the dressing room the five of them had commandeered how the first two weeks of January had flown by so fast.
Jake appeared behind him in the reflection. "Hey, you," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Jinxx's cheek and settling his hands on Jinxx's waist.
Jinxx smiled at him. "Hello."
"You ready for this?" Jake asked.
"Why wouldn't I be?" That was a genuine question―as far as Jinxx knew, he hadn't been acting oddly, at least not beyond his usual strangeness.
Jake's lips hovered near his collarbone; it was a bit hard to focus on the warpaint with the younger vampire so close. "I don't know. Something about tonight just feels off."
Jinxx gave up on the warpaint―it looked fine anyway―and turned to face Jake, immediately accepting the other guitarist's searching kiss. "I think that might just be you, Jake," Jinxx said. "I don't sense anything out of the ordinary." Still, Jinxx had had enough experience with random premonitions to be worried. Those feelings were usually right.
Jake shook his head. "I don't know," he repeated. "I'm probably just nervous, but..."
Jinxx kissed him again. "I know. It's disconcerting."
"To say the least." Jake sighed and rested his forehead against Jinxx's, careful of the warpaint. "You're the Mystic, aren't you supposed to be able to help with this sort of thing?"
Jinxx smiled. "If I could, I would. You know that."
Jake groaned. "Can't even let me tease you properly."
Jinxx chuckled wryly. "Yep, that's me."
Jake kissed him again. "You're no fun."
"You were saying quite the contrary the other night," Jinxx quipped, and Jake pulled back to look at him in mingled surprise and amusement.
After a moment, he laughed. "Just when I start to think you can no longer surprise me."
"I'm sure I'll always find some way to surprise you," Jinxx replied easily, smirking. "If I'm capable of doing it even after fifty years, then I think the odds are pretty good about the rest of eternity."
Jake chuckled. "Want to make a bet of it?"
"With what money?" Jinxx pointed out, and Jake laughed, stealing another kiss. Jinxx let him, purring softly.
"Ash!" Andy's protest made both Jake and Jinxx look over. "What the hell?"
Ashley looked up. "What, what the hell?"
Andy held up a copy of the setlist. "Why'd you cross out 'All Your Hate'? It's part of the set for a reason."
"But does it have to be?" Ashley asked.
Andy stared at him. "Seriously? Yes, it does. For continuity at this point if nothing else, we've been playing the same set for a week and a half, we can't just change it now."
"Oh, come on," Ashley scoffed. "We're not even halfway into the tour. No one's gonna notice."
"Did you forget YouTube is a thing now?" Andy countered. "Social media? People do take video of our live shows. You can bet your ass there's already at least one video of our set from this tour floating around YouTube somewhere. We can't change it."
"Why the hell is it on the setlist to begin with?" Ashley asked. "We're promoting a new album, and that's one of the less impressive ones off We Stitch. Why is it there when we could have something else from Wretched?"
Jinxx glanced at Jake. Was he seriously complaining about the setlist?
"Just because you're not a fan of the song, Ash, doesn't mean it doesn't belong on the setlist," Andy said, and Jinxx could hear the bite of anger in his voice.
Time to intervene. "Hey," Jinxx said sharply. "Ash, shut the fuck up. We're not changing the setlist just because you don't like a song, Andy's right about that. Andy―calm down."
Ashley snorted and blew his hair out of his face, turning his attention back to his phone. Andy stared at him for a moment before turning on his heel and stalking out of the dressing room.
CC appeared at Jinxx's other side. "That...didn't look good."
Jinxx shook his head, addressing Ashley. "Hey. What the fuck was that about?"
Ashley looked up at him, annoyance clear in his gaze. "What? I just wanted to change the setlist."
"You couldn't have said that before we got two weeks into tour?" Jake asked.
"I really don't see what the problem is. Andy's just overreacting," Ashley said.
"Maybe, but that's still not cool, dude," CC told him.
Ashley shook his head. "I don't see why this is such a big deal."
"Actually crossing out the song on the setlist may have something to do with it," Jinxx quipped dryly. "What was the purpose of that, anyway?"
"Just trying to think of replacements." Ashley averted his eyes, apparently going back to his phone.
Jinxx sighed heavily and shook his head. "Forty years and I still don't know how to handle you."
Ashley looked back up just long enough to give him a sardonic grin. "That's part of the charm, isn't it?"
And he went back to his phone again, clearly signaling the end of the discussion.
Jinxx looked back at Jake and CC. "It's probably not wise to leave Andy alone with his thoughts right now."
"Should we all go after him?" CC glanced dubiously at Ashley. "I'm not so sure it's a good idea to leave him alone with his thoughts, either."
"He'll be fine," snorted Jinxx. "I doubt he'll even notice we're gone."
"I can still hear you," Ashley said.
"Oh, really?" Jake quipped. "So you can't spare attention to talk to us for more than five seconds, but you can hear the rest of our conversation just fine?"
"Jake, drop it," Jinxx muttered. "Ash, whatever the hell you're on about today, you need to cut it out. You're not doing anyone any favors, and gods know Andy doesn't need to add fighting with you to his list of stressors."
Ashley made no indication that he'd heard Jinxx, and the guitarist threw his hands up in exasperation. "Whatever. Let's go make sure Andy's okay."
Jinxx, Jake, and CC exited the dressing room and almost immediately ran into Yanni.
"Hey, guys," he said. "I was just looking for you."
"Did you see where Andy went?" Jinxx asked.
Yanni nodded. "Outside. Said he needed a smoke. I still don't see what he gets out of it, you're not affected by that stuff, but I guess it's theraputic for him." Yanni pointed behind them. "Straight back, out that exit. Here." He handed Jinxx a key. "I nicked it from one of the place's security guards. I doubt the door will be locked, but just in case."
Jinxx smiled. "Thank you, Yanni."
"No problem. He looked really upset." Yanni glanced in the direction of the door with concern lighting his eyes. "I hope you guys can cheer him up."
"We're sure as hell going to try," Jinxx said, and led the way towards the doors to go after their boyfriend.
―――――――――――――――
Staring at Ashley, Andy had the incredible urge to kick something―preferably him. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to stay calm―the last thing they needed was a fistfight thirty minutes before a show, not least because it would fuck up their carefully applied warpaint.
He couldn't keep the anger out of his voice, though. "Just because you're not a fan of the song, Ash, doesn't mean it doesn't belong on the setlist."
The expression in Ashley's eyes and the sense of another derivative fledgling comment coming his way made Andy tense, but to his relief Jinxx intervened.
"Hey! Ash, shut the fuck up. We're not changing the setlist just because you don't like a song, Andy's right about that. Andy―calm down," Jinxx said sternly.
Andy rather resented being told to calm down, but knew he needed to. Ashley simply snorted and blew the hair out of his face the way he'd taken to lately, looking back at his phone and apparently forgetting all about the argument. Andy stared at him for a moment―the fucking audacity to pretend like that didn't just happen―before turning on his heel and heading for the door. He couldn't deal with this right now.
He could feel the others' concerned stares on his back as he walked out and slammed the dressing room door behind him, but he wasn't about to go back. He was fairly certain the others would try to come after him at some point―Andy just hoped he'd be calm enough by then to respond without worrying them further.
He wasn't about to get anything done with his nerves so riled up. Andy cursed Ashley silently as he walked―he picked the most inopportune moments to act like a dick, it seemed. It was always a dichotomy with him―either he was one of the most charming men Andy had ever met or he was a complete jerk, and Andy was never sure which side of him to expect.
I need to just step away for a minute. Andy could already feel his anger cooling, but stepping away―outside―for a few minutes would do him some good.
"Hey, Andy," Yanni said as he passed.
"I'm heading out for a smoke," Andy told him. "If the others come looking..."
"I'll tell them," Yanni assured him, and Andy nodded his thanks before striding back past the dressing room, towards the outside doors at the end of the hallway.
Stepping out into the lamplit night felt rather like emerging from a deep pool of his own soul. Andy drew in a breath, wanting to let the night air fill him, cleanse him. He leaned against the wall and fished his cigarettes and lighter out of his pocket; a few practiced movements later, he was raising the lit cigarette to his lips and tucking both pack and lighter back out of sight.
Andy took a long drag, then tilted his head back into the wall and exhaled to the sky. His thoughts returned to Ashley, almost invariably. Andy loved the side of him that was funny and flirty and charismatic, and that was the side he presented most often. But then there were moments, usually when he was drunk beyond reason, where that other side slipped through―moments like what had just happened in the dressing room, where he was unnecessarily rude and sardonic and seemed to think he was in the right even when it was made abundantly clear that he was not.
Andy didn't understand that part of him. Why did it exist? What triggered its escape? And perhaps more importantly, why, when it broke free, did Ashley always seem to target Andy?
Andy supposed he'd never get those answers. Ashley had always been secretive about his past, even with them, and Andy had never questioned it―he had a right to his privacy, and it was clear he still had scars of his own from whatever had happened in his two hundred-some years. He'd never been forthcoming with information about why he thought the way he did, behaved the way he'd always behaved―Andy had no reason to suspect that he'd ever answer questions about that darker side of him.
Andy sighed, exhaling smoke again. It wouldn't do him any good to dwell on what he didn't understand about Ashley.
It was just so stupid, that fight earlier―over a setlist, of all things. Andy understood not liking to play certain songs―there were tracks he wasn't too keen on ever singing live too―but they'd done "All Your Hate" before, and he'd never seemed to have a problem with it then. And if he'd really been that opposed to it, why hadn't he said something before they started touring?
Andy shook his head and took another drag. This was why fighting with him was so frustrating―he never made any sense. Or he was just unnecessarily hurtful, but even those rants didn't make a lot of sense most of the time.
A scent on the night breeze caught his attention, effectively drawing his thoughts away from Ashley. It was so unexpected―he'd thought he was alone out here, especially in the back of the venue as he was. But there was definitely a scent―human. The scent of fresh blood.
Another careful sniff had him identifying the owner as female. Now Andy was even more concerned. What was a lone human woman doing out here so late at night?
A second later extra scents assaulted his senses―Andy took a moment to untangle them and managed to separate the reek of alcohol and the scents of at least four different men from the woman's.
This girl was attacked.
Andy stifled a growl; she was just in the alley and would definitely hear him, and that was the last thing he needed when she clearly needed help. He took a final drag off his cigarette, then snuffed it out and cautiously edged around the side of the building.
He saw her before she saw him. Her blond hair was dirty and a little tangled, her cheek scraped―Andy wondered if one of her assailants had been holding a broken bottle. Her attire and the way she held herself suggested she knew her way around the streets―everything about the faded leather jacket, ripped shirt and jeans, studded jewelry, and well-worn combat boots screamed punk girl―but she was limping slightly. Andy couldn't see her eyes, which were downcast as she gripped her injured leg with one hand, but he could faintly see the scowl her mouth was twisted into.
Almost as soon as he finished this assessment of her, the scent of blood drifted towards him, and somewhere deep inside, the monster that was his hunger awoke.
Not now, Andy groaned to himself. Stay down. You can feed when you get back inside.
The woman appeared to be cursing, though that stopped the moment she looked up and saw him.
Andy quickly put his hands up as her hand went to her belt, as if looking for a blade that wasn't there―perhaps she'd carried one that her assailants had stolen.
"It's alright," Andy said quietly. "I'm not one of them."
She stared at him warily, and Andy approached her slowly, feeling slightly ridiculous but knowing it wasn't wise to frighten her. This girl looked like she knew how to fight.
"My name's Andy," he said, wishing Jake or Jinxx or CC―hell, even Ashley―would show up to help him out. He hated talking to people, and had very little idea what to do with a situation like this. "What's yours?"
"Jasmine," she said slowly, relaxing just a fraction.
"What happened?" Andy asked.
She scowled. "A group of drunk thugs jumped on me a couple streets over. Stole my switchblade and tried to stick their filthy hands up my ass. I knocked one out and ran before the others could realize what happened." She winced. "Tripped in a pothole and fucked up my leg, but I'll live." She peered at him suspiciously. "Why am I telling you this?"
Andy shook his head. "I have no more idea than you do."
"You're safe, yeah?" she asked.
Andy thought that probably wasn't an entirely accurate assumption―he could feel his hunger rising beneath his skin and forcibly squashed it back down. He would not hurt this girl.
"I'm safe," he said out loud. "Are you alright?"
Jasmine shifted some of her weight back onto her leg, wincing a little. "Yeah, I've taken worse scrapes than this, I'll be fine." She peered at him. "Why do you care?"
Andy stared at her for a moment. "What, I'm not allowed to be a nice person? I was concerned."
"How'd you even know I was here?" Jasmine asked, a little suspiciously.
Andy hesitated. He couldn't really answer that one without revealing what he was, which he was sure would make her tense again at the very least.
The monster that was his hunger wasn't helping. You haven't fed recently, it nudged.
Shut up. I fed this morning. He had; Jinxx had all but forced the blood down his throat, forcibly stating that he needed to eat; while Andy appreciated the violinist's concern for his well-being, nearly choking on his own food was not how he'd wanted to start the day.
But it's so much better fresh, his hunger complained.
And I don't attack humans. Shut the fuck up.
Talking to himself probably wasn't a good sign, but it was all Andy could do to keep that primal hunter's instinct at bay. Humans are not prey, certainly not this girl. Shut the hell up.
Unsurprisingly, his hunger did not obey.
"Dude," Jasmine said, a little irritably, and Andy realized he'd never answered her question.
"Sorry," Andy forcced out. "Sorry, I'm―I just had a fight with my boyfriend, I'm not in the greatest headspace right now." He paused, trying to figure out how to explain how he'd known she was there without freaking her out. "I heard you in the alley."
Jasmine's expression flickered from suspicion to concern. "Boyfriend, huh?"
Andy scowled. "He's being a dick. I came out here for a smoke and heard you back there."
He could see her connecting the dots. "You came out of the concert hall?"
Andy nodded. She gave him an inquisitive look. "Are you part of the band performing here tonight?"
"I'm the frontman, yes," Andy said, somewhat pleased at being recognized as such. "The show doesn't start for another half hour―well, less than that now―but I probably need to head back in soon."
Jasmine tilted her head. "Aren't you cold?"
Andy shook his head. "I live in California. Winters are a lot less humid there, but it's about the same temperature range. I'll be cold once we get to the Midwest, though." Which wasn't entirely true, but he couldn't exactly tell her that.
"I can imagine." She shuddered. "Well...thanks for checking that I'm okay. It's nice to know someone cares." She offered him a smirk. "Even if I'm used to fending for myself."
Andy smirked back. "I figured from one look at you that you can handle yourself. You're a fighter." He softened. "But you're welcome."
She's going to leave, he told his hunger sternly. Stay put.
The predator within him growled. Andy didn't know what was wrong tonight―he'd fed earlier, and usually that monster didn't awaken around humans anyway; something about her was different. Andy was increasingly aware of the danger she was in the longer she stayed standing there and silently begged her to hurry up and leave. He'd definitely have to inform his boyfriends, both to watch for her and of the strange, sinister phenomena her presence was inflicting on him.
She lingered for a moment before turning to limp out of the alley. Andy watched her go, internally fighting with his hunger, trying to keep the monster from springing free―
He never knew what caused him to lose control.
Letting out a low growl that sounded nothing like him, Andy stalked silently after Jasmine's retreating figure, all sense of restraint overtaken by the predator he became when hunting. He touched the tip of his tongue to one of his fangs in anticipation; satisfied with its sharpness, he crept forward faster and more quietly than she could ever have a chance of picking up on.
She turned sharply―Andy's crimson eyes widened in shock; she shouldn't have been able to hear me what the fuck―before narrowing again in anticipation. He wasn't about to lose this meal.
She raised an arm to fend him off, but he was faster and stronger. He wrenched her arm behind her back―somewhere deep inside, buried beneath the predator's soul, he hoped he hadn't hurt her―and before she could draw breath to scream, sank his fangs into her throat.
To his surprise, she didn't put up a struggle once he bit her; he seized that opportunity and began to feed, growling softly in satisfaction as her blood hit his lips. It really was so much better fresh―a sick way of thinking, but undeniable. And her blood held more of a sweetness to it than any other―there had always been that underlying sweetness to it, but usually it was muted, the metallic tang overpowering it. Now he could taste a significant difference.
What's different about her?
He didn't know how long he'd been feeding before he heard a shout behind him. Seconds later, hands were pulling him away from the now-unconscious Jasmine. Andy hissed and tried to fight them off, but whoever it was was stronger than him.
"Andy!" Jake's voice in his ear. "Andy, stop! Get ahold of yourself!"
Andy struggled against the guitarist's hold, but whether it was age and practice or the sheer fact that Jake was more physically fit than he was, Jake had always been stronger than him, and his grip was unrelenting.
"Come back to me," Jake growled in his ear, more of a command than anything. "Come back."
Gradually, reluctantly, that primal hunger faded, to be replaced by horror as Andy registered what he'd done. He could feel her blood on his chin still―he hadn't been neat about it either.
Andy choked out a dry, shuddering gasp of horror and immediately felt the change in Jake's embrace as he went from restraining to comforting.
"Fuck, what did I do?" he groaned. Jake's arms tightened around him.
"She's breathing," Jinxx reported. "She's alive."
Andy let out a sigh of relief, still half-paralyzed by the knowledge of what had just happened. "Thank the gods."
"It's okay," Jake murmured. "It's okay."
"No it's not," Andy said, but didn't elaborate further, and Jake didn't push.
Andy felt sick. How had he let this happen? After he'd sworn to himself that no matter how strong that unexplainable pull was, he wouldn't hurt her? He couldn't understand...what was so different about her that I snapped?
He didn't know, and that scared him more than he was willing to admit.
―――――――――――――――
CC didn't think the image of Andy with his fangs fastened in the throat of a random human girl would get out of his head anytime soon.
CC was glad they'd gotten there when they did―he could only imagine how much worse it would have been had they shown up even a second later. Andy already looked shaken enough, horror at what he'd done twisting his features; CC kept glancing his way, but he appeared to have gone rather numb in Jake's arms.
CC knelt across from Jinxx on the other side of the girl's body, checking for any signs of damage other than the obvious. It didn't seem like anything was amiss except a cut on her cheek that looked recent but not fresh, suggesting she'd gotten it before running into Andy.
"We need to get her help," Jinxx said, apparently detecting something CC couldn't. He had his cold fingers at her throat, a constant check on her pulse. "She probably needs a blood transfusion. I can't tell how much she lost, but considering her shallow breathing and the fact that she's unconscious..."
"She shouldn't be around me," Andy said, and CC could hear the pain in his voice.
"And Kian's back in California," Jake said. "You could call him, but he wouldn't be able to get here until tomorrow and we can't stay."
"Guys, look," CC said, noticing something as he scanned the girl's body again, trying to find what had alerted Jinxx to danger. "The puncture wounds have sealed themselves already."
Jinxx looked; Jake coaxed a reluctant Andy a little closer to peer down at her as well. Surprise replaced the horror on Andy's face, melting after a moment into a mix of fear and pain.
"What the hell?" Jake said, which about accurately summed up CC's opinion on the matter.
"She can't be entirely human," murmured Jinxx. "But I don't detect a trace of magic on her. She doesn't smell of werewolf, she doesn't look Fae, and she's certainly not a vampire."
"That about covers the four main categories of supernatural, doesn't it?" Jake asked.
Jinxx nodded. "I doubt she's fully human, but fuck if I know what the hell she is."
"If she's not human..." Andy bit his lip, almost seeming to shrink as CC, Jake, and Jinxx turned their attention on him. "If she's not human, that might explain why she drew me in so much. I could tell something was different about her...I just fed this morning and I'm usually good at controlling it anyway, but something about her was keeping my hunger on the edge." He paused, looked down, still standing loosely wrapped in Jake's arms. "And over it."
Jake rubbed the singer's back soothingly. CC wanted to join him, but he was more focused on the girl. What the hell could she be? He didn't know a lot about the shadow world, but he knew enough to recognize the signs of the main types of creature that inhabited it, and it appeared Jinxx was right―there was nothing on her to mark that she was anything other than human.
And yet the puncture wounds were gone. CC couldn't figure it out.
The door to the concert hall opened, and all four vampires looked up warily. CC relaxed somewhat when he saw it was just Yanni.
Yanni stopped at the mouth of the alley and stared at the scene laid out before him. "I don't wanna know," he said, holding up a hand to forestall any attempts at explanation, not that CC thought any of them were inclined to try. "You guys have ten minutes to double-check your tuning and get onstage. I'll grab our guys and take care of this."
"She's alive," Jinxx informed him. "But for how much longer without a blood transfusion I don't know. I'm no doctor, and we left our resident one in L.A."
Yanni nodded. "I've got her. You guys―whatever happened, try to put it out of your minds. You've still got a show to perform. Now go, quick."
CC wasn't sure how any of them expected to get through this show in one piece, but he stood with Jinxx and started back for the door. It took all three of them to force Andy back inside―the thought of facing Ashley again after this couldn't have been an easy thing, CC reflected―but once inside he seemed to come back to himself a little. It seemed to help that CC took a moment to wipe the blood off his chin.
"Remember," Jinxx told them as they emerged into the busy backstage area. "Everything's fine."
Everything was very much not fine, and CC could see that reflected in the haunted expression in Andy's eyes, but he took some small comfort in Jinxx's reassurance anyway.
"Please don't tell Ash," Andy said suddenly as they headed towards where a handful of crewpeople waited with their instruments. His voice was quiet, but insistent, and when CC looked back at him his blue eyes were wide and frantic. "About what happened. Please don't―"
"Shh," Jake said soothingly, stealing a quick, subtle kiss from the singer. "We won't. Don't worry."
To CC's immense surprise, the show went well, though he thought with a small frown that it had gone by almost in the blink of an eye. Andy did a remarkable job of acting like nothing was wrong, slipping into his role as the Prophet almost the instant he stepped onstage. The Church of the Wild Ones was in session, and they had no time to spare worrying about the problem currently laying in the alley.
Almost as soon as they got offstage, however, Andy let the facade drop. He didn't say a word to any of them as he headed back towards their dressing room; CC glanced at the guitarists before tucking his sticks into his back pocket and chasing after him.
CC poked his head into the dressing room they'd used earlier; Andy wasn't there, but traces of his scent lingered, and CC followed that down the hall a little farther, to a slightly ajar door just a few steps away from the outdoor exit. He entered cautiously, trying not to startle the singer; judging by the lack of movement, CC figured Andy had heard him coming.
"Hey," he said softly. "Are you alright?"
"What do you think?" Andy said, and there was a bite to his voice that worried CC more than offended him.
"I know you're not okay," CC said. "But what am I supposed to say? That pointless question is the only thing anyone knows how to ask."
He thought he saw Andy smile slightly in the mirror before him, there and gone in an instant. The singer sighed heavily. "I'm not. I'm really not okay." He paused, and CC stepped fully into the room, closing the door most of the way behind him.
There was a silence for a moment, a heavy silence thick with the emotion Andy was practically projecting. CC was no psychic vampire, but even he could feel the guilt and sorrow radiating off his boyfriend in waves.
"Do you know," Andy said softly, the pain so clear in his voice that CC instinctively took a few steps closer to try and comfort him, "that after I came out of my shell with the guys, I swore to never drink from a human without their express permission?" He swallowed. "I couldn't bear the thought of what happened to me happening to someone else, couldn't stand the thought that I might be the cause of it. I vowed to myself that I'd never stoop to my sire's level, that I wouldn't treat humans like prey just because I could."
His voice broke on the last word, and CC stepped forward enough to wrap Andy in his arms as something within him broke.
He wasn't crying―CC had never seen him do so and didn't expect to in the slightest―but his voice was thick with guilt and fear and shame as he said, "But I did―tonight, with Jasmine, I did, and I hate myself for it. I lost control and I hurt her and―" He cut himself off with a strangled-sounding sob, burying his face in CC's shoulder.
CC held him, trying to figure out what he could possibly say. "It's not your fault, Andy," he murmured into the singer's soft black hair. "Something about her was different. We could all smell it. It wasn't your fault."
"But it feels like―like I tore out a part of me when I attacked her," Andy attempted to explain. "Like some core piece of my being got ripped out, like that vow has been irrevocably broken. I―I don't―"
He couldn't seem to finish, but CC thought he understood. I don't want to think I'm becoming the same kind of monster that made me.
CC pressed a light kiss to his hair, the only romantic affection he dared show while Andy was so fragile. He searched for words for a few moments, then gave up and just said, "Look, I'm not good with words like you, but I know you. I know your values, I know your beliefs, and I'd like to think I know your heart. You're not a monster, Andy, whatever that hunter's hunger and your own damn anxiety tells you. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now―aside from the fact that it's got to be the most awful feeling in the world―but I swear, one mistake doesn't mean you're a monster." He pulled back just a little to look Andy in the eyes. "You're one of the kindest people I know, Andy. Even when your anxiety is screaming at you that you aren't, even when you fuck up like this―you're still that kind, funny, beautiful person I fell for. No matter what."
Andy offered him a hesitant, shaky smile. "Not good with words, huh?"
CC shrugged. "Well. Not usually. That was more poetic than I expected it to be." He softened, studying Andy's face. "But I meant every word."
Andy smiled at him for real this time, and CC felt him relax, just a little. He doubted the singer would entirely get over the incident, and certainly not this fast, but as long as he was calm enough to handle it without breaking down, CC considered it a win.
Andy brushed a stray strand of CC's hair that had escaped the bandanna out of his eyes. "How come you always know exactly what to say?" he murmured.
CC would have responded, had he not suddenly been assaulted by a few strange sensations at once. The lights in the room seemed to flare brighter, and their glow didn't fade; a wave of something that he couldn't quite name left him feeling significantly weaker than before; and what worried him most was the shiver that ran through him. Vampires didn't get cold. They weren't supposed to shiver.
"Ceese?" Andy sounded concerned now. We seem to be taking it in turns, CC thought wryly.
"I don't―" he started to say, and then abruptly felt as if his voice had been stolen, though he had no breath to be robbed of.
"Ceese!" CC barely heard Andy's shout of alarm; it felt like he was falling through everything and nothing, sound coming from at once everywhere and nowhere.
"I'm okay," he tried to say, but his voice wouldn't work, and then he was falling away into blackness, into eternity, into nothing at all.
―――――――――――――――
Jake and Jinxx both skidded to a halt inside the room Andy and CC had disappeared to upon hearing Andy's shout of alarm. Jake had to wonder what could possibly have gone wrong now.
That answer became obvious the second he caught sight of CC.
The drummer had collapsed; Andy had caught him before he could hit the floor, but Jake could clearly tell he was unresponsive. He looked fairly peaceful, but any sign of life had completely disappeared from his face.
"Exactly a year," Jinxx breathed. "That's incredibly rare."
"I'd hoped he was one of the 10% that didn't get it," Andy said faintly. "Because it took so long to show up."
Jake approached and traced the lines of CC's face gently. "With any luck it'll only last a few hours, otherwise we're going to have to cancel tomorrow's show in Jacksonville."
"How the hell are we going to explain this one to Yanni?" Andy asked. "It'll be hard enough when he inevitably asks what happened to Jasmine―the girl―but how the hell do we explain this?"
"Just tell him the truth," Jinxx said. "I get the feeling he's kind of desensitized to it at this point."
Almost at that exact moment, Yanni burst through the door. "I heard your shout," he gasped, "and I saw the guitarists take off, what's going―oh dear."
"Yeah, this isn't the greatest scene to walk in on," Andy said.
Yanni raised an eyebrow at him, still trying to catch his breath. "No shit. This is the second time someone's been half-dead tonight. What happened to CC?"
Jake exchanged looks with the others before explaining, "It's the fledgling plague."
"The fledgling what?" Yanni turned a surprised expression on him.
Jake hurried to elaborate. "It's not an actual plague, we just call it that because it affects 90% of vampires at some point within their first year. Essentially, his system decided the strain of the enhanced senses that come with being a vampire was too much, and temporarily shut itself down. He'll be okay, his system will reboot itself in a little while―that sounded like I'm talking about a robot, not a person, but that's essentially what it's doing." He shook his head. "I don't feel like I'm explaining this right."
"No, I got it," Yanni said, surprisingly unbothered by the news that CC was, technically, temporarily dead. "It's like an uncontrollable random paralysis thing to get re-acclimated to all the enhanced senses."
Jake nodded, relieved that he'd gotten it. "Yeah, basically. No one knows when it will strike, but it only happens once."
"Generally it happens within the first six months," Jinxx chimed in. "CC's late by those statistics―it's been exactly a year since we turned him."
Yanni looked only mildly interested. "We need to get him onto the bus, then. Jacksonville's not as far away as it could be, but it's still a drive, and we've got to go."
Jake nodded, then glanced at his boyfriends. "Who's carrying him?"
"I've got him," Andy said. "You two go grab your guitars, and find Ash."
"What'd you do with the girl?" Jinxx questioned.
"We managed to stabilize her," Yanni reported. "I called your doctor friend. We're bringing her to Jacksonville and he'll meet us there to treat her. I've got her hidden in a spare bunk―she's sleeping pretty hard, I don't think she's going to wake up on her own anytime soon, and when she does we'll keep an eye on her."
Jake glanced at Andy, trying to read the expression in the younger vampire's eyes. He'd never looked so guarded before; Jake wanted nothing more than to pull him close and never let go, to try and fight the demons away.
"Alright," was all the singer said, after a few long moments. "She's in the back?"
Yanni nodded. "We've got her, Andy."
Jake wanted to reach for him, but Andy turned away, adjusting CC's lifeless body in his arms and starting for the door. "Meet you on the bus," he said, and disappeared.
Jake glanced at Jinxx. "This has been a really shitty night, hasn't it?"
"That's the understatement of the century," Jinxx remarked, then sighed. "Come on. Let's grab our stuff and get out of here. I don't want people to start asking questions."
Jake could understand that sentiment and followed him out of the room, back down the hall to the now mostly-empty backstage area. Only a few security guards remained, as well as Ashley, on his phone and apparently not noticing that he was mostly alone.
"Ash, c'mon," Jinxx said, attracting his attention.
"We leaving?"
"Duh." Jake retrieved his guitar, making sure the case was secure. He glanced around to see if the venue's security men were listening, then in a lower voice added, "CC's fledgling plague struck."
Ashley looked intrigued. "He's late."
"That's what we said," Jinxx told him, "but here it is. Andy took him to the bus."
"Let's hope it doesn't last," Ashley said. "We've got a show tomorrow."
"It shouldn't. He's a fighter." Jinxx picked up his amp, then glanced at Jake. "Ready?"
"In a moment. Go on, I'll catch up," Jake told him, and Jinxx nodded, leading Ashley out to the bus.
In the quiet that followed, Jake allowed himself a moment to process everything that had happened over the course of the night. From the argument with Ashley to the girl to CC's fledgling plague, plus the show in the middle of it all, it had been a very long, emotionally taxing night. Jake could only imagine how awful Andy must feel after all of this―or what Jinxx might be hiding under a shroud of worry about the rest of them, how affected he might have been upon finding the girl despite his professional manner when dealing with the situation. How confused CC would be when he awoke, when the memories of everything that had transpired tonight hit him like a tidal wave.
It's too much, Jake thought to himself. Too much for a human to handle, certainly, but I'm beginning to worry that it's too much for a vampire to handle, either.
He'd have to keep an eye on Andy over the next few days, make sure he was really okay―and comfort him to the best of his ability if he wasn't. Jake hated seeing any of his boyfriends in distress, and Andy in particular...
Jake remembered the first day he'd ever spoken to the singer. Andy had been in the throes of a nightmare as Jake had been passing his room; since he was close and Jinxx was out refreshing their blood supply, he'd ducked inside, and managed to calm the then-fledgling down. Afterward, when Andy was coherent enough to see that it was him rather than Jinxx, he'd been suspicious―but Jake had explained that even though Jinxx was the only one the young vampire ever really saw, Jake cared about his well-being too. To his surprise, Andy hadn't taken long to thaw towards him, even requesting his presence occasionally before he was comfortable leaving his room for long periods of time. Jake had cherished those moments, that knowledge that he'd earned the young vampire's trust so quickly; that feeling had stayed with him over the decades, and perhaps explained why he was so protective now.
Jake shook himself. He'd been here too long; he had to get back to the bus. He picked up his amp and his guitar case and started back for the door, privately thinking he'd be incredibly relieved to leave this place behind.
He was only a few steps from the door when a voice behind him made him turn.
"You're part of the band that just played here?"
Jake turned to find a young, visibly drunk man leaning against a wall.
"Yes?" Jake said. "You're not supposed to be back here." For this man was clearly not an employee, and Jake didn't think he was a fan either.
The man waved the comment off. "Eh, I'll be fine. I just wanted to see what the fuss was about back here." He peered at Jake as if he was studying an interesting specimen. "Your band sounds awfully blasphemous."
Jake blinked at him. "How could you even tell? I doubt you were there," he said, unsure exactly why he was still interacting with the man. "Besides, none of us are religious, so it doesn't actually mean anything."
The man laughed drunkenly. "You can tell yourself that all you like. You won't be saying that in hell."
Jake backed up a step or two, unnerved by the way the man was staring at him. A dangerous grin split his features. "What's the matter, bloodsucker? Scared of hell?"
The nickname didn't register fully. The drunk man's eyes seemed to be glowing slightly, a pale, hollow ice-blue that looked nearly white. Jake was becoming increasingly more concerned; how had he gotten back here? And who was this guy?
"You're going to hell," the man singsonged, and took a wavering step towards Jake, unsteady on his own feet. "You're all going to hell. Only the most righteous of us damned will escape our fate and end up in heaven. Only the most worthy will defy our eternal damnation."
Jake backed away again, feeling a cold chill that had nothing to do with temperature sweep over him. A faint memory stirred, of a cold night in a darkened church, his aunt screaming at him that he was going to hell. Jake shut it out―not right now, not right now.
The man chuckled, and Jake heard a low growl underlying it. "Scared, bloodsucker? Scared of the truth? The powers of hell will drag you down and you can do nothing to stop it. Hell is all that awaits you, hell is your only fate―"
The man was cut off rather abruptly by the arrival of a security guard, who restrained him with little resistance and clapped a hand over his mouth.
"Are you alright?" the security man asked.
Not in the slightest. "Yeah," Jake said aloud. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Go on, get to your bus," the security guard said. "We'll take care of him. I don't know how he gets back here, but he's done this shit before. It's happened enough times that I think we can finally get him arrested."
Jake just nodded, feeling those cold eyes still upon him, alight with a religious fervor he hadn't seen in over a century. He turned and all but fled back to the bus, relaxing only once he was safely inside the lighted living space and the door had shut behind him.
He took a moment, as the bus pulled out of the concert hall's back lot, to just breathe and try to calm himself. You're okay. You're okay.
"What took so long?" Ashley asked, his voice too loud in the relative quiet of the bus, and Jake looked at him sharply, his nerves still rattled from the encounter.
"Sidetracked," he managed. "Ran into someone."
That answer seemed good enough for Ashley, who shrugged and went back to his phone. Jake glanced around; it seemed the humans had gone to bed, but Jake didn't see Andy anywhere either. Jinxx was watching him with concern clear in his sharp turquoise-blue gaze.
"Where's Andy?" he forced himself to say.
"With CC," Jinxx replied. "Said he'd stay with him until he woke up. I think it was also to avoid talking to people."
Jake nodded somewhat absently; he wasn't surprised. "I'm gonna go put my stuff away."
He could feel Jinxx's eyes on him as he strode away, through the living area and the bunks to the storage space-slash-crew bunks at the back of the bus to set down his guitar. He really wasn't in the mood to be subject to Jinxx's interrogation, not right now. He managed to put his guitar away without making noise so as not to wake the sleeping crew, then simply leaned against the wall in the darkened area for a second, attempting to calm his nerves.
Breathe, damnit. You're okay. It was just some drunk guy.
But he knew what I am―he must have been supernatural himself, there's no way...what the fuck. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.
Jake closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing, using the motion to calm his racing mind. He heard the curtain divider rustle and caught Jinxx's familiar scent.
A few soundless seconds later, Jake felt Jinxx take his hand and gently tug. He opened his eyes and let himself be led back out of the crewmen's sleeping area, though they halted near Jinxx's bunk.
"What's going on?" Jinxx's soft voice was barely louder than the hum of the engine beneath their feet. "What happened back there?"
"I told you. I ran into someone," Jake said evasively.
Jinxx gave him a stern look. "Jake. I've known you long enough to know that's definitely not the whole story."
Jake sighed. "It was some drunk guy―he must have been part of the shadow world, he knew I'm a vampire. I don't know how he got in, but he caught me just before I reached the doors outside." Jake shivered as the man's creepy eyes came back to him. "He started spouting some religious bullshit, mostly ranting about how I'm going to hell but also mentioning something about how only the most righteous would end up in heaven―I'm assuming he meant himself." Jake closed his eyes again, the creeping fear he hadn't let himself feel in the moment coming back to him now. "A security guard finally showed up, but...gods, Jinxx, he scared me."
A moment later, Jinxx's arms were around him, holding him in a secure embrace that Jake hadn't quite realized he needed. Jake returned the hug, burying his face in Jinxx's throat and breathing in his comforting scent, letting the reality of Jinxx melt away his fear.
"You're alright," Jinxx murmured. "You're okay." Over and over, until Jake had stopped hearing the words, until the fear had faded from his heart and there was nothing left but Jinxx.
―――――――――――――
A/N: I did warn you this was going to be an angsty one. How many times did you scream and/or cry reading this? I'm curious. (Yes, I'm evil. I thought we'd established this a long time ago.) Hope you enjoyed all the angst, please keep leaving comments if you liked it! <3