THE NUMBERS BLINKED in red at me and I couldn't stop staring. Every week I weighed myself while trying to watch what I ate but in one week I'd lost thirty pounds. I don't understand how because I have been eating normal amounts. Not to mention all the chinese food I ate a Luke's a few days ago.
A loud pounding on the door made me jump out of my stupor. "Kaley, hurry up! Gustavo has some good news for us!" Kendall yelled before mumbling a comment to someone else.
Numbly, I pulled my clothing on, noticing how baggy it looked on me than normal. I loved oversized clothing but this makes me look like a kid in her father's sweatshirt.
Before they could notice, I ran to my room and grabbed my hockey hoodie. Hopefully, they won't notice.
"Do you want a muffin?" Mom asked as we all filled out the door. I shook my head, a lump in my throat. Though, I did grab a water bottle to sip on.
In the car, Carlos sat next to me so I didn't have to sit near James. Though it wasn't comfortable being squished into the door. My mind was swirling, trying to figure out where I wasn't eating enough.
I didn't even remember walking into the building until we were standing in front of a very excited Kelly and a stone-cold Gustavo.
"Boys! Today I got news. News that is going to change your lives," he began, pausing for dramatic effect. "You're going on a world tour!"
The boys were cheering as I stood there frozen. It was amazing news, but I didn't want to be a part of it. I wanted a break from them. The last thing I wanted is to be cramped in a tour bus with them for half a year.
"This is awesome! I can't wait to explore a bunch of cities!" Carlos exclaimed, bouncing on his heels.
"I can't wait to meet ladies," James said, running his hand through his hair. I can't believe I found him attractive.
"Am I coming with?" I asked cutting off Kendall and Logan from saying what they were excited for. My head was swimming and a panic attack was creeping up my spine.
Gustavo gave me a dirty look. The same one that I always got, but this time it cut into me differently. What the heck was happening? "Of course not! I need you here to keep everything running. Trust me. I won't run out of things for you to do," he yelled, making me grit my teeth. I hated my boss. Work is the bane of my existence now and I hated it. I had no choice but to take this job. It was easier back then when I got along with everyone else.
Whatever he has for me, I'll do it if it means I won't be stuck with them for months.
Kelly began explaining to the boys what they needed to do in the months coming and what to pack. I had to sit down and put my head between my knees to catch my breath. My chest hurt with every breath.
A hand rested on my back and I practically jumped out of my skin. Kendall was standing there with a concerned look on his face. "Are you alright?" He asked, kneeling down to rub my back better.
"I don't know," I admitted, resting my head on his shoulder. This is the big brother that I missed but I'm still really upset with him.
"Do you need to talk?" He looked behind him to see that the rest of the group went into another room.
I sat back, heaving with the pain in my chest. "I'll be fine. All this is overwhelming to me and Gustavo's yelling is just annoying," I explained, itching to text Luke. He was in the studio finishing the album. Literally. It is set to get released in two weeks.
"I get that." There was an awkward pause. "I am really sorry. I thought about it and it wasn't right. I want to try to rebuild our relationship on your terms," Kendall said, sincerity in his eyes. Though, I wasn't sure how much I could trust.
"I'm not ready for that. You've hurt me way too much for me to just let it go right away. I need time," I explained, trying to control my quivering lip.
He nodded and stood up putting his thumb behind his shoulder. "I need to get back, but if you need anything," he awkwardly said, shuffling away.
"Hey, Kendall?" He turned around just as he was about to open the door. "Just do me one thing? Stop going along with James when he is bashing his ex-girlfriend."
My twin was visibly confused but nodded anyway. I took a few more minutes, sipping on the water that I bought. I felt weak and shaky but I still stumbled to my feet.
The moment I went into the room, I was dismissed. "You aren't needed right now. I'll pay you half your wage," Gustavo said in a normal voice for once. I didn't even blink and was out of the building before he could have a chance to call me back.
I began my walk home, pissed that I forgot my headphones. It was a little chilly and I could feel a breeze through my sweatshirt. Where did the time go? It was around nine when we walked into the studio and now it was almost lunchtime.
"Kaley?"
Michael pulled up to the side of the road, leaning across the passenger seat. "Hey, Michael. Whatcha doing?" I asked, leaning on the car door.
He gave me a smile as the smell of pizza hit me. It made my stomach churn and not in a good way. "Just getting lunch for us. Do you want to come to the studio? Normally we don't let anyone in that could be a distraction inside, but Crystal is there and I want you to meet her," he explained. I shrugged before opening the door and hopping in.
"I thought the studio was the other way," I asked when he began to go back towards Rocque records.
Michael did a double-take. "No? Why would you think that?"
"Luke always walked me back from the cafe. He said it was on the way to your studio," I explained, a warm feeling spreading across my chest.
"Well, um," Michael stuttered before barking out a laugh of disbelief. "Now I know why he was late - aside from the meetups," he said, giving me a smile.
Though he lied, it meant a lot to me that he wanted to make sure I got back okay. "I hate that I made him late," I remarked as Michael turned into a parking lot.
"You didn't know. He's a grown man-child that can make his own choices," Michael remarked with a smirk. The door creaked as I opened it for him. He paused as I stepped in behind him and let the door shut. "Just please don't hurt him."
I gave him the warmest smile I could muster because that came out of the blue. "I don't plan on it. I promise," I said, waiting until he nodded and began to walk again.
"I brought food and a Kaley!" he yelled, a loud crashing noise before Luke came into view. The moment he saw me a big smile crossed his face. Since he was as tall as a giraffe, it only took two steps before he swooped me into a hug.
I wrapped my arms around him as he lifted me off the ground a bit. He dropped me down with a concerned look on his face but was quickly distracted by Michael calling me over. "This is my lovely girlfriend Crystal. Crystal, this is Luke's friend that is a girl, Kaley," he introduced us.
Crystal was beautiful with her long brown hair and diamond-colored eyes. I have never seen someone with that color of eyes and I was jealous. Mine looked like the murky waters of a swamp. "Hello, it is nice to meet you," I said, giving her an awkward wave.
She pulled me in for a hug which was no surprise because I'd come to learn this group was a huggy type of group. "You're so pretty," she gushed, messing with my limp curls.
I chuckled at her because she was a literal goddess and I was just a trash panda, but I digress.
"Alright, people! Eat up so we can finish this!" Michael exclaimed, handing out plates. I took a slice and nibbled on it. Pizza was the last thing I wanted when I was trying to watch my weight.
"So, Kaley." I looked at Ashton, a long piece of cheese hanging out of my mouth since it decided to take half of the pizza topping. "Luke's explained some of it, but how'd you guys end up here?"
I put my plate to the side and wiped my hands on a napkin. Luke gave me a bottle of water and I threw him a grateful smile. The one he gave me in return made my heart skip a beat. My heart and I are really going to need to talk soon. We can't be doing this again. Not with someone out of my league and so soon after James.
"Uh, my brother and the boys were in the hockey team back home," I began, getting cut off by Calum. I didn't care. The questions would distract me from how close Luke is to me.
"Oh, so that sweatshirt is your brother's," He commented, his cheeks so full of pizza it reminded me of a chipmunk.
Luke's arm brushed against mine as he moved himself to look at me better. I took a large sip of water hoping it calmed my burning face. Kill me now if anyone noticed.
"No, it's mine. I was an honorary member since I helped out at practice," I explained, tucking a pesky strand of hair behind my ear, tapping on my temple. "That's how I got this scar. Kendall hit me with a hockey puck when I was cleaning some up. It was an accident," I told them. Luke reached over and lightly traced the scar. "So, they got dared by the rest of the team to sing a Backstreet Boys song at our talent show. Gustavo happened to be there and here we are."
It was the lamest story ever but it was the truth. "Though they wanted just Kendall, but he refused without the rest. That caused a big fight since James was the one who always wanted to be famous."
Ashton snorted, accidentally somehow getting pizza sauce up his nose. "He's like the least attractive out of all of them. He tries too hard with his looks. He has to let it come natural," he explained, grabbing the tissue Crystal held out for him.
"What did you see in him?" Crystal questioned, looking up from Michaels's phone where James's photo was on the screen. She was being genuine in her question, not having a second meaning behind it.
"Back home he was a nice guy," I said with a shrug. "That's really all I can say. We were close and I just guess my brain formed a crush on him. I went to comfort him after the fight and he kissed me. It just started from there."
She had a look of pity in her eyes and it made me uneasy. I looked down to pick at my sweatshirt and saw that Luke's fist was curled up tightly. His knuckles were white and I was afraid they were going to pop.
"We should finish this song. Luke, your first," Michael said, cutting the tension. The band got up, practically dragging Luke to the recording booth. Crystal moved over to sit closer as I watched Luke through the glass.
"I hate to ask, but are you sure he was with you because he liked you?" She softly questioned, making me gulp harshly.
"It's not something I want to let myself think about. I was just so happy about it at the time and even now I can't let myself think of it that way. It would just hurt me more in my slow healing process," I explained, wrapping my arms around the top of my knees and bringing them closer to my chest.
She held her phone out to me. "Here give me your number so we can get to know one another better. Do you like shopping? Or we could go grab lunch sometime?" Crystal questioned with happiness in her eyes. She genuinely wanted to be my friend and that was something I would have never expected.
"I'm kinda a go-with-a-flow type of person," I said, watching Luke as he sang into the microphone. Does he have to look so hot doing everything he does? I began searching in my bag for my sketchbook only to find it wasn't there.
The way my panic skyrocketed so fast made me want to throw up. My entire collection of art was in there. I've used that same sketchbook since I got it when I was sixteen and rarely drew on anything else.
"Is everything okay?" Crystal asked, making me blink back to reality. She had her hand on my arm and I didn't even feel it. I felt numb. I needed to find it, desperately. I didn't respond as I began to text everyone to see if they had seen it.
"What's wrong?" Luke questioned, his voice sounding so far away even though he kneeled down in front of me.
"I don't know. She just started to panic," Crystal said as messages came back saying that they hadn't seen it.
Gently, Luke grabbed my phone out of my hands and took them in his. "Kaley, what is going on?" he softly asked as I sucked in a deep breath.
"It's missing," I croaked out, trying to catch my breath.
"What is? We can't help you if we don't know what is missing," Ashton softly said sitting next to me with my water in his hand. Calum and Michael were standing behind Luke, worried.
Ashton began to gently rub my back, making me confused with how he felt about our budding friendship. I thought he disliked me, but he wouldn't be comforting me if that was the case. "My book. It has everything I've worked so hard for and it's gone," I dumbly explained. I know that it wasn't the best description but it was all I could muster.
Luke ran a hand through my hair and it calmed me down too much for my comfort. "I need to go home to try to find it," I told him, making him nod.
"I'm done recording today. I'll take you home, okay?" he tenderly said before getting up and grabbing his leather jacket. He whispered something to Michael who handed him keys. I took his outstretched hand and let him wrap his arm around my waist. I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling completely drained.
I hated feeling so weak but it wasn't something I could control. He helped me into the car and I rested my head on the window. The entire car ride back he kept giving me concerned glances and it made me sick knowing that I upset him.
"Hey, please message me later, okay?" he softly said once we pulled up to the apartment building. I nodded and couldn't help myself as I threw myself in an awkward hug. Despite the way my body was contorted, he hugged me back - tightly. It felt amazing and I hated that I had to let go.
The group was standing in the lobby talking to one another. Lucy was the first person to see me, but before she could say anything, Bitters, our apartment manager, stepped up to me. "I found this on my desk," he said, handing me my sketchbook.
The relief that washed over me was incredible. That is, until I opened the page.
Every single one of my drawings was scratched out or drawn over. The heartbreak that consumed me made me drop to my knees. Kendall rushed over to pick me up, gasping when he saw it. Everything I worked so hard for, someone destroyed it and I will never know why.
"I'm never drawing again," I whispered to my brother before getting up and pushing past everyone to get into the elevator. They called for me but I ignored them. The pain was intense and raw. It was something I have never felt before. It was crippling.
They would look for me in our apartment, so I went to Lucy's with the spare key that I had. She put a mattress in the room and I dropped onto it. My body just gave out and I barely had enough energy to pull a blanket over my head.