Word Count: 1963
~Kiva
I sit on the edge of the bed, shaking.
I've contemplated Ark's gruesome, bloody death at least fifty separate times by now, and yet each run through isn't satisfying enough. He needs to suffer, and he will.
He sits in front of me on an old metal chair. He's tired, dark circles lingering up his wary eyes.
"Are you calm now?"
I glare at him. I'm back at the compound now, and this time, I don't think I'm getting out. I know I should be devising a plan, to manipulate him, to pray on our mate bond, which happens to be his one vulnerability...
I'm too angry.
"Calm? Is that what I should be feeling?" I hiss.
"No. Of course not." He closes his eyes, summoning calm before he opens them again. "But I want you to hear the words I am saying, not to be deafened by your fear or hatred."
"I can hear just fine."
He leans back in his chair, examining me for a moment. I'm not tied down, and I noticed he never locked the door. He knows I'm not going to try to fight my way out, although I wish he was scared of me as much as I'm scared of him.
"I want to apologise, first," he tells me earnestly.
"What for? There's a long list," I mutter. An apology means nothing to me because I'm still stuck in here, still being forced to look at him.
"I want to apologise for the times I used force against you during those break-in's, for scaring you," he starts.
I look down at my hands, rubbing my wrists. I can still remember the hold he had on me, how scared I had felt. And yet, when he was my guard I felt safe...I can't think of anything more backwards and screwed up.
"I am sorry about Andri. He was an unfortunate sacrifice that needed to be made," he tells me steadily, frankly.
"Fuck you."
I think of Andri and I feel sick. I missed his funeral because of Ark and the threat against my life. My mourning was disrupted out of fear for what could happen to my father and I...
"I am sorry for assuming a position as your guard for the sole purpose of being close to you, to your father. I needed to be inside, to know what was going on at all times," he continues.
I shake my head. "Unbelievable."
"I am sorry for lying about my intentions. I am sorry for sleeping with you before you knew the whole truth." A faint, pained frown appears for a moment, and then it's gone.
That night clearly haunts him, and it should. I wish I could banish from my mind, because even now I look back on it fondly, my mind failing to acknowledge the man I spent that night with is the same as the one who has now betrayed me.
"You should be," I say smoothly.
"I am sorry about lying about being in the rebellion. About staging Taven as your second mate," he adds.
I almost laugh. There really is an extensive list of terrible things he has done that has essentially ruined my life. He has contributed to almost everything that has gone wrong recently, and now, all he is doing is highlighting it.
"You are a terrible person."
He sighs, running a hand through his mussed hair, which he clearly hasn't had time to maintain recently. "Everything I did, I had a reason for. I know there is no possible reason you can think of that would justify so much deceit, but I promise there is one."
I lean back against the wall, staring at his eyes. What reason could he possibly have to think any of what he did was okay? He leads this group, which means he isn't being controlled or forced, and as far as I know, he doesn't have anyone in his life that could be threatened, encouraging his actions.
Whatever it is, it's coming from him.
"What is it then?"
He shakes his head. "There is still a risk you may escape from here. That your father may uncover our compound. If you know the truth, our cause will be ruined."
"That's a good thing," I say. He obviously isn't convinced his cause will be enough to sway me, since he's so scared of me getting out and telling my father.
That, or it's too important to gamble with...
"I will tell you as soon as I am able. For now, I'm not asking you to trust me. I am asking you to be as calm as possible and to remain here until we have completed our task," he tells me calmly, like he's trying to soothe me.
"No chance." I don't just want to sit around and wait. They don't stand a chance...they haven't succeeded so far, so it's unlikely they will achieve anything now.
I could well be here forever. And if that's the case, I'll go insane.
"I am still your mate, Kiva. In everything I do I have your best interests in mind."
He leans forward, looking like he wants to touch me. I draw my legs up, out of his reach. It's easier to hate him when he isn't close, when the mate bond doesn't buzz between us, distracting me.
"I have a husband who will hunt you down," I warn him quietly.
If father is aware of my absence by now, Caspian will be too and they will be wanting me back. And considering I went missing with Ark, they will know who to track down, and they will want blood.
A cold, ruthless anger settles over him. "I hope he does. Then I can kill him."
"You would love that, wouldn't you?" I mutter bitterly. He's always hated Caspian, and although I can understand why, the Prince doesn't deserve to die because of his jealousy.
His eyes are dark, haunting. "Oh yes, I would."
"My father will notice I'm missing too. There will be a Territory wide hunt for me, and I will be found."
"I fear that may be true. For now, you are here, with me. That is what matters." He rolls his shoulders, forcing himself to relax. He's struggling with this.
"Are you going to kill me? Is that the plan?" This has to end somehow...
He frowns, taken aback. "No...of course not."
I shift forward a little, leaning forward so he can see the desperation in my eyes. He needs to feel sorry for me, to want to get me out of here above whatever his hidden motivation is.
"Then let me go. I'll run as far away as I can. No one will ever know who you are," I beg. I don't think I mean it, but I'll do anything to escape.
He shakes his head. "I can't take that risk."
"Please..."
"Even if I wanted to let you go, do you really think I could live without you? You're my mate...if you're running away, it's with me." He places his hand on his chest with surety.
I tap my foot impatiently against the ground. He says that, but I've heard those empty words before.
"You were never going to run away with me, were you? You just said that to appease me," I remind him. He's proven that to me now that all of this has been revealed. It's his creation, and he's not just going to give that up.
"I meant every word. I would have given this up had you said the word," he insists, gesturing around to encompass the entire operation.
"I'm saying the word."
I'm not sure how much of this I mean...Could I handle running away with Ark? Maybe I could catch him in a vulnerable moment and get away, but I'll be under threat of him chasing me down for the rest of my life.
He squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a small groan under his breath. He's torn.
"Too much has been revealed. It has gone too far to turn back now," he grits out reluctantly.
My shoulders deflate. "I can't believe this."
"No one here hates you. Not anymore," he assures me. "I spoke to them and they understand you had nothing to do with what we are trying to stop."
"It didn't seem that way," I grumble.
"They are wary of you, yes. From their perspective, you are connected to a lot of pain and suffering that they have endured," he explains quietly.
I clutch my stomach. For the first time since I've been brought here my anger has melted away enough for me to contemplate the possibility that I have contributed to something horrible.
What if this isn't a collective delusion? What if I've done something bad?
"I've done nothing..." I try to reason, more so for myself than anything else. I'm too scared to face another reality.
"They know that now. I went into that manor and I saw you were not related to what has happened to us. You were oblivious to it all, and you cannot be blamed," he assures me, sensing my shift in mood.
"Is that why you were so cold to me when we first met?"
He couldn't have made it more obvious he didn't like me. It took a bit for him to warm to me, and I didn't know why. Now it's so obvious I feel foolish for not seeing it earlier.
"It didn't take me long to realise how little you knew. From there is was impossible to hate you," he breathes.
"I loved Andri, you know. He was like a father to me." I stare at my hands. I don't want to cry, to show weakness, but it's awfully tempting.
"I'm sorry. I'm never going to stop apologising."
"Your reason better be really good," I mutter. I don't plan on forgiving him, but some context would be nice. I hate that everyone here knows more than I do, and we are all waiting around for this to work out in either of our favours.
"I wish I could go back and do it another way. I should have broken his leg, should have retired him instead."
There's enough pain and regret in his eyes that I don't explode in anger as I probably should. I'm just so tired, my resolve slipping with the fatigue that weighs down on me.
"Yes. You should have," I whisper.
He doesn't take his eyes off me. "I am so sorry Kiva."
I hold his gaze, fighting off his remorse. I don't want it now. I don't want to try to repair out relationship, not with everything that has been done and is still at stake.
"I just want to be alone right now Ark," I mumble, twisting to lay flat on the bed. I'm hoping to sleep away the time until I can figure out another plan to get out of here.
Ark sighs, getting to his feet.
"The moment you need anything, you tell the nearest person. They all have been given very strict instructions to do everything for you that it needed, okay?" He encourages.
"Okay."
I watch him leave the room, closing the door behind him. I have a potential idea to get out of here, although I'm not certain it's going to work. Ark won't trust me, but he is vulnerable in one way...
Our mate bond. I'm going to exploit it in every way I know how, and that's how I'm going to escape.
❤️••❤️
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! and as always it is available 10 chapters ahead on Radish!
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~Midika 💜🐼