I'm dedicating this chapter to the two most loyal, awesome fans I have right now. @kimoyaDOTcom and @Unicornsunite2003
-----
"Home, sweet home," I exclaim when I enter my dad's apartment. I jump on the couch, my baggage lying on the floor while I bathe in joy.
The papers to get me out of that place has finally been in place. My dad is still skeptical about me coming back home but it had to be done. It's not like he could afford it anyways. Steven has cut all financial support. He even took all the money out of my college fund account. Like I care, I never wanted to go to college in the first place.
I turn on the television, making myself comfortable enough to catch up on Supernatural. Dean Winchester's face appears on the screen with his inhumanly good looking smirk before everything goes dark again.
"No TV before your homework are done," my dad says.
I take the remote from him. "I haven't gone to school in a while therefore, I have no homework."
On the screen, Sam and Dean are going at it again. When will they get past their daddy issues and accept that their emotional level is as high as the one of a pregnant woman?
"Actually you do," dad turns off the TV. "I called your friend, Cassie, and asked her to pick up your homework."
My momentary happiness falls quicker than it had come. I can't believe I miss the crazy girl. I miss her endless ranting, her constant failure at fashion, and her obsession with Keeping up with the Kardashians. I miss everything about her. What wouldn't I do to have her with me one more time, forcing me to sit through another cruel episode of real housewives?
Would I do it if I had the chance? A few days ago, I would have answered no right away but now...I don't know. I need friends. That part is obvious but how far am I willing to go to get them and keep them?
"Did she do it?"
"Yes, they're inside your room on your bed so you can't miss them."
"Do I have to go back to school?"
"Of course you do. What kind of question is that?"
I begin picking some loose threads on the corner of the couch. "What if the kids make fun of me? I'm pretty sure everyone know I was in a mental hospital by now."
I've never felt so self-conscious before. When the kids had started to talk of my habits to only wear long sleeves even in hot weather, I just gave them a taste of their own medicine. This is different. I don't know how to turn the tables around. Nothing is worst than a classified crazy case.
Dad holds me by my shoulders. "If anyone says anything to you, just remind them I'm a police officer with a gun."
Giggling, I stroll toward my room but the knock on the door catches my attention.
"I'll get it," he says.
Curious to find out who has interrupt my blissful morning, I follow him to the door.
I see my dad straightening his gray buttoned-down shirt and blue jeans. He kneels down to redo the knot on his shoe laces.
"Are you going to open the door or walk a runway?"
He shushes me with his index finger on his lips. "Be extra nice."
"I'm always nice," I argue. He raises his eyebrows at me. "Fine, I'll be nice but no extra. It's hard enough on its own."
Whoever is behind the door is becoming impatient because the knocking picks up rhythm and loudness.
"What were you two doing?" Jenny huffs as soon as dad opens the door. "I've been standing here for so long that I think my butt is already sagging."
"TMI much," I gag overdramatically.
She smiles. "It's nice to see you again, Rachel."
"You, too."
"Now that that's over with, can I please get out of this hallway? It's hotter than an oven out here."
Dad opens the door wider for her. "You have perfect timing. Rachel was about to go do her biology homework. Since it's her second year in biology, maybe you could help make it her last."
"I don't know Joshua," she crosses her arms over her chest. "Maybe the reason why she's been in that class longer than usual is because she loves it. Maybe she doesn't want to get out."
Dad puts his hands on his hips. "That isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? We never know, we might be having another nurse in the family."
"Or a doctor," Jenny continues.
"Or an engineer." They both gasp. "That's perfect. Maybe she doesn't even need your help after all."
"I might need HER help since she's an expert in the field now," she taunts.
I need to put an end to the madness growing in front of me. "You guys do know I'm still standing here, right?"
"Oh my God," Jenny squeals unbelievably loud. "I totally forgot you were here. Your father and I were just talking about all of the possibilities for your future."
"Hahaha, not funny. I'm going to be an actress," I tell them with a flick of my hair, "and I don't care about what either of you have to say about it."
She throws an arm around me casually. I stiffen under her touch but she doesn't take it off. "Acting is fun but I don't think anyone should go in the film industry without a backup plan. It's never guaranteed you're going to be successful in it despite hard work and dedication." We sit back on the couch.
"It's not that hard." Dad sits on the edge of the coffee table. Like this we look like a real family.
"Joshua, we're having a girl talk. Why don't you go look for a snack for us instead of telling us we're wrong even though we're not?"
"Fine," he gets up. "But don't think I don't know that you're trying to get rid of me."
My heart constricts at the easy-going air in the room. This is what a real family feels like. This is the feeling I've been craving all this time. For so long, I thought only my parents getting back together would bring it back. In the end, the woman I rejected did. She doesn't even seem to be holding a grudge against me.
"How are you feeling?" she asks when dad disappears in the kitchen.
"Better," I answer genuinely.
"No more 'falls'?"
It takes me a second to remember what she's referring too. When I do, I chuckle to myself. "No more falls."
"Your dad is currently arranging some payment plans with your therapist, Dr. Frey. We understand it's important for you to keep seeing the same person. Don't worry, I'm sure they're going to work something out then you'll be able to see her on a regular basis again." She gives my leg a small squeeze. "In the meantime, I'm here if you need anything."
"Thanks."
She claps her hands, "Now about that biology homework."
"I hate biology," I groan. Science makes me think so much that it gives me wrinkles. It's harmful to my acting career.
"How do you expect to go to college if you don't pass all of your classes?"
"I don't expect to," I whisper.
The muscles in her forehead bunch up together. "Why not?"
"C'mon, no college wants someone crazy walking around their campus. I'm saving myself from expected rejection by just trying my luck at Hollywood."
"I see," she cocks her head to the side, looking like a confused child. "And you think Hollywood won't reject you because you're crazy?"
I laugh, "Have you ever watched TV? Everyone there is crazy. I'll fit right in."
"You're not crazy, Rachel," she regains her seriousness. "You're a little troubled, yes, but what child wouldn't be after going through everything you've gone through?"
I stay silent.
"Think about it before you make any big decisions. We're all a little crazy anyways."
My dad walks back in the living room, carrying a tray in his hands and a sandwich between his teeth."I got some fruits and PB&J sandwiches."
"I think it's time for me to go do my homework," I take an apple from the tray as I pass by him.
"My daughter is willingly going to do her homework," he eyes Jenny curiously. "Either you have a magic wand or you just emptied your bank account to her."
"Again, still in the room."
A knock in the door cuts our laughter short. Why are we suddenly so popular?
"I'll get it." I hurry passed my father before he could say anything.
"Anything to get out of homework," I hear my dad says before I open the door.
There, in the open door, stands the boy I've been dying to see.
"Brandon," I smile.
"Hi," he replies.
My temperature rises at the sight of him in a white polo shirt and khakis.
"Who is it?" Dad calls out.
Without answering him, I open the door wide. "Come in."
"Brandon Matthews," he stands up and hugs him. "It's been what...ten...eleven years since I've seen you. You look just like your dad when we were in high school."
"Thank you, Mr. Jackson."
Jenny clears her throat, making everyone turns toward her.
"Oh yeah," dad takes her hand. "This is my friend Jenny Blake. Jenny this is Brandon Matthews, my best friend's son and also Rachel's good friend. I think."
"Nice to meet you," Jenny shakes his hands. "It's nice to meet a friend of Rachel's. I didn't think she had any knowledge of such specimen."
"Ignore her," I tell Brandon. "She thinks she's funny."
"So Brandon," dad says. "How was Alaska? Jim was always drowning under work so we barely said a word in ten years."
He laughs uncomfortably, "Yeah, the company kept him pretty busy."
"I thought he would have come by to say hi by now. He left in such a hurry he had to say goodbye over the phone."
The room falls silent. I can feel the awkwardness surrounding us. Brandon bounces on the heel of his shoes with both of his hands deep in his pockets.
I keep forgetting that I wasn't the only one who lost a friend on that fateful day. When Brandon and his family moved out, my dad also lost his best friend. Until now, it didn't occur to me that my dad was subject to the same amount of suffering as me. His best friend left him in the time he needed him the most without much explanation.
I wonder why Mr. Matthews would do something like that. The job couldn't be that good especially with it being located all the way up in Alaska.
"I think the kids want to be left alone Joshua," Jenny breaks the silence. "You guys can go to Rachel's room."
Dad turns to her with a distasteful look. "What's wrong with the living room?"
"Nothing, I just thought they would be more comfortable in the bedroom."
"You're staying in the living room," he says to us.
"We'll be in the kitchen if you kids need anything," she pulls dad to her. "It was nice to meet you, Brandon."
I take a seat on the couch, turning the TV on. Brandon makes sure to sit at the other side of the couch. With my eyes fix on Castiel being confused by yet another human behavior, I ignore the meaning behind the distance he puts between us.
"How's Laila?"
"Good," he looks at his watch.
"Is she waiting for you right now?"
He looks at me confused. "What?"
"You checked your watch when I asked about her so I assumed it's because you guys got to meet pretty soon."
He shakes his head. "Laila and I have been over for a few weeks now. It wasn't really working."
"Why not?" Now he has my attention. Even Dean's killer fight moves can't make my eyes move away from him.
"I don't know. She was just...too...happy."
"What?" I laugh. "That's the weirdest break up line I've ever heard. Who leaves someone because they're too happy?"
He sinks farther into the couch's inviting softness. "I do. I prefer my girl more on the depressing side. It's kind of a real fetish of mine." His eyes lock on mine, "I want to be the one teaching her how to smile and remind her that no matter what there's always a reason to smile."
"That's kinda stupid."
I sink my teeth in my bottom lip to force myself from grinning like an idiot. He said the same thing to me before. I remember that.
My cheeks warm up with the gush of blood running to them. Thanks God for my pigments.
"I can tell you're blushing," he teases.
"That's impossible. You can't tell when a black person is blushing."
"You can if you've known them long enough to anticipate their every move."
"You don't know me, Brandon." My gloomy mood takes over me once more. It's been pretty constant from the past weeks regardless of how well I hide it from the outside world. It's not like anybody believes I'm cured but I want to show them that I'm getting better and that the voices can't hurt me anymore. "I've changed."
"I know," I turn to find him closer than expected – bare centimeters apart. "But I can help get that old Rae back. I told you I want to help, that also includes speaking up just like you did."
"You don't have to."
"That's where you're wrong." He takes one of my hands between his. Joy swells inside of me at the contrast in sight – my caramel hand enclosed by his strong, dark palms. "I do have to do this. I owe it to you. My family owes it to you."
Wait what? What does his family got to do with this?
"What are you talking about?"
"Well," he gives a short nervous laugh. "Contrary to what you have been led to believe, I did say something that day."
"What?" I'm at a complete lost.
"I told my dad."
I walk away from him to replenish my lungs with air. The atmosphere in this room has been intoxicated because every breath hurts me more.
"Wh-What do you mean? How come they didn't do anything? You, I can understand. You were a kid but they're grown-ups, why did they run instead of helping me? Why did they leave me to my own fate? They were supposed to be our friends."
He holds me but I push him back. "Calm down. It's not like that."
"How can it not be like that? They promised dad they would be there for me when he first moved out, I remember that. I don't understand how they could just leave me like this."
"Steven," He answers simply as if that's all the explanation I need.
"Steven paid them to shut up? They sold me out? Seriously?" I want to punch something, break anything to make it feel as bad as I am.
"Would you calm down?" he presses. "Your dad is only a room away. He can't hear about this?"
"He can't hear about how his best friend left his only child to perish without a second thought? How none of you did anything to help me?" I shout.
He clasps my mouth shut with one hand while the other hold me in place by my waist. "Calm down. Let me explain."
My breathing continues to come out in loud puffs causing his honeycomb aroma to invade my senses. I feel my legs' strength weakening despite my anger boiling under my skin. I can feel the two different emotions causing friction in my brain.
Usually, I would either hit him or do something to hurt him but things have changed. I've learned hurting others won't relieve my own pain; it will only expand the circle of sorrow.
"They did it to protect us. I know this sounds crazy but let me explain," he begs. "Please."
"Fine," I mumble under his palm.
He moves us back to the couch. "Better be a hell of a good reason," I growl.
"Steven threatened to kill the both of us if they ever say anything."
"What?" I don't know why I didn't think of that before.
"Dad went to confront him after I told him but when he came back home, he said we had to leave. I tried to see you again but we didn't have time. And Steven wouldn't allow it. He gave dad a new job far away to keep us from ever be tempted to talk to anyone."
"If Steven made you move away, why are you back now?"
He looks down to his feet. "I really didn't want to go to college without seeing you one last time. Besides, the lies are killing dad. Every time your father calls, he goes into a fit. We don't think he's going to last long like this. They haven't approached your dad yet because they don't know how. There are no manuals on how to tell your best friend that you knew their daughter was raped but ran away instead of reporting it."
"They could have tried," I argue.
"And risk your life? Our lives?"
I stay quiet, contemplating everything he has unloaded on me. Should I be mad at them? Their silence hurt, even more than Darwin's...but less than when I thought Brandon also kept quiet. If I'm able to forgive him, why can't I forgive them? At least they tried something. I can't call Mr. Matthews a coward for wanting to protect his family, my dad would have probably done the same thing if the roles were reversed.
"My dad loves you like his own, I swear he never meant to hurt you by moving. He wanted what was best for you. It's obvious he made the wrong choice. This is why I'm here, my parents want you to know we will testify against Steven if you need us to. We won't run away from our responsibilities like we did for the past ten years."
"And what may those responsibilities be?" We both turn to see both dad and Jenny standing in front of the living room's door.
Well, my life is just getting better and better.