A/N: Geez, I suck at meeting deadlines. Break is long over for me. New goal is end of January, and even I can't mess this one up (Or I'll eat my words and end up embarrassing myself... hopefully not!).
Most of my time was taken up by the All-region concert, which was about four days after the end of break, with a preparation clinic the day before. I didn't practice for most of break, so cue me frantically learning the music in time. Fortunately, it all ended up okay, and the concert was great! I was blown away by the sheer talent of all these high school musicians.
Andddd while I was gone, you all managed to astonish me as well! Like, WE'RE AT 5.9K VIEWS! That's nearly 1,500 more than when I posted last chapter (if I remember correctly), what the heck? That's just incredible, I never thought my unoriginal Divergent fanfic would gain that many reads. Thank you, all of you!
Now, it's Cammi's turn in the spotlight! Enjoy the chapter!
I don't think there is a single person in Dauntless who doesn't know that the job choosing ceremony is at 9:30 AM sharp, for how much the leaders and instructors reminded us last night, at the banquet and afterwards. It's rather late, especially compared to the time that we've been waking up for the past few weeks, but that's probably for the benefit of all the Dauntless who chose to get wasted last night.
Old habits die hard, so I wake up at about 7:30. None of the other initiates seem to be having the same problem, though, because I'm the first one awake. With nothing else to do, I quickly get ready for the day, taking advantage of the transfer initiate dormitory's quiet, and head down to the cafeteria for breakfast.
Just as I predicted, the cafeteria is nearly empty, the exception being the cooks and a few lone souls, scattered between the many tables. The near-silence would be unsettling, if I didn't know the cause for it.
On the bright side, the lack of a crowd means that it takes me a fraction of the time to get through the breakfast line, not to mention the best pick of breakfast foods. Over the past few weeks, I've found a few favorites.
Soon, I'm sitting at the initiates' self-proclaimed table, with scrambled eggs (which are a hundred times better than Abnegation's, because they're actually seasoned), strips of thin, curvy meat (bacon, my brother's voice reminds me), and a large muffin (blueberry, a flavor I haven't tried yet) on my plate. A glass of orange juice sits beside my tray, and I sip from it between bites of food.
I don't know what I expected today, my first day as an official Dauntless member. Different treatment? Congratulations? Whatever it was, it certainly did not include a leader plopping down right across from me.
"Cammi." It takes me a moment to place the voice and face that have just appeared beside me, as shocked as I am. Max. Head leader of Dauntless. Also, Jeanine's main lackey.
As tempting as it is, I resist the urge to growl, what do you want?
Instead, I school my face until any traces of shock disappear, and force myself to sound polite. I can't afford to tick off a leader yet, not with how new I still am. "Good morning, sir."
He nods in acknowledgement of my greeting before continuing. "Do you know what job you'll be picking today?"
I can feel my heart drop. I know exactly where this is going, now. Well, Max certainly doesn't beat around the bush. "I think I do, sir."
His eyebrows go up, just a bit. He's surprised, although I'm not sure why. Shouldn't all of the initiates have some semblance of a plan on the morning of their job choosing? "What is it, then?"
"I'd like to be a faction ambassador. To Amity and Erudite." I make sure my voice is confident. Max has to see that I'm not willing to budge on this, even for the chance at a leadership position. Of course, it might not help - Tobias didn't want the position either, and Max still keeps hounding him on that - but maybe, since I've got plans to take up an ambassador position, he'll leave me alone, for now, at least.
His eyebrows inch a little further up. "Erudite? Interesting choice." He pauses, and, for a moment, I think he's going to tell me no. That he sees right through my plans of getting information. I hold my breath. "Regardless, ambassador is a great job choice. But I might have a better option for you."
I let out the breath I was holding. The notion of Max knowing my plans is ridiculous, I know - the only person I've told is Tobias, while we were alone - but I suppose hiding so much is starting to make me paranoid.
Max leans a bit closer to me, his voice dropping in volume. "I'd like to offer you the chance at a leadership position. You excelled in all aspects of our initiation program, which is why we believe that you could be great in this position. Of course, you wouldn't become a leader immediately, since we already have five leaders. You would be put in a month-long program designed to train the applicants for leadership. This program would also serve as a way for us leaders to see more of who you are. Based on how you do in this program, you'd either be inducted as a junior leader, or cut from the program. If you're cut, you can choose whatever job you want, as long as it isn't full already. If you become a junior leader, you'd work mostly in the compound, helping our members, and keep learning more about what leadership does, yada, yada, until a full leadership position becomes available. Right now, we have no junior leader, but usually, there's only one."
The clearly rehearsed speech finally comes to a close, and Max looks at me expectantly.
Despite my conviction to not become a leader, I can see why the offer is tempting for others. There's nothing to lose; applicants can go back to their jobs, or choose a new job, if they fail. If they succeed, they get a position of power. And a part of me wants to go for it. Leaders can bring change. Could I steer Dauntless back from the dark path it's going down, if I became a leader?
But what if I can't? What if I'm outvoted in every decision, forced to go along with Jeanine's plans, with more eyes on me than I have now? What if I become complicit in the attack on my old faction?
I can't do that. It doesn't matter that I'm Dauntless now, I can't hurt the Abnegation like that.
And, deep down, a part of me whispers, what if I have to see Marcus?
Maybe it makes me a coward - no, it definitely makes me a coward - but I don't think I could deal with that either.
I should be able to deal with that. I should be able to make this decision based on my conscience, and the pros and cons that come with each side, but instead, I'm letting my past make it for me.
What kind of Dauntless does that make me? And would Max even be considering me for leadership if he knew how deep my fear of Marcus really runs?
Thankfully, Max's voice snaps me out of the pit of despair my mind starts falling into. "Cammi?" His gaze is confused; maybe I zoned out more visibility than I thought I did. "What do you say?"
"No." I don't want leadership. I've known that for a while, and the train ride my thoughts just went on only confirms that decision. "Thank you, but no."
His eyebrows lift again, and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever see an expression other than professional and surprised on his face. "No?" He echoes, as if he can't quite believe it. "Why not?"
My mind scrambles for an answer. "Sir, I'm honored, really. But I- I don't think I want to take on the responsibilities of a leader yet, even a junior one." I take a deep breath, and commit myself to the excuse I've managed to construct in my head. "I'm only sixteen, and I'd like to just live for a little while, you know? Spend some time with my friends, just enjoy everything that Dauntless has. And I'd rather not be thrown into organizing all of that yet."
Max nods, accepting my explanation easily, but not looking thrown off. "Are you sure? Leadership comes with a lot of perks, you know. Bigger apartment in the leadership hall, first dibs on a lot of stuff, the works."
"I'm sure."
"Alright then." Max stands up. "You're going into ambassadorship, anyways, a path that's very easy to merge into leadership, so just let one of us know if you ever change your mind. The leadership training program happens only one time a year, right after initiation, unless we already have a junior leader, in which case it doesn't happen at all." His frame towers over me. "I'll see you at the job choosing ceremony, then, Cammi." And then, he's gone, walking away like having breakfast with a new dauntless member (or, in his case, talking to a new dauntless member having breakfast) is normal. And maybe it is, for him. I certainly wouldn't know.
With a sigh, I turn back to my ignored breakfast.
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I end up just meandering the halls of Dauntless after I'm done eating. I'm not going to deny my friends a chance to sleep in, now that they have it, and Tobias is helping to set up the job choosing - I caught a glimpse of him when I was walking out of the cafeteria. With all of them occupied, I'm left to wander the hallways of the faction I now call home.
It's strange, how drastically my perspective has changed in the last three weeks. Three weeks ago, I walked through these halls for the first time, noticing how dimly lit they were and stumbling in the darkest areas. Now, my feet travel over the uneven ground like it's second nature to me. And, at this point, it is.
Before long, I find myself at the net, where I first entered Dauntless. Where I was reunited with my brother. I smile a little at the memory, my hands moving on their own to grasp the infinity pendant around my neck. What was running through Tobias' mind then? I wonder.
I pull myself onto the net, sprawling across it on my back in a way I couldn't when I first jumped in. This is nice, I think, clutching the rough rope below me in my hands.
I don't know exactly what I intend to do now - stare at the sky? But any potential plan goes out the window when I hear hushed voices.
I shouldn't be so alarmed, I know - any Dauntless has a right to be here, after all - but something about the volume of the voices (soft, far softer than the typical rowdy Dauntless), and the vague familiarity of them puts me on guard. I roll onto my side, straining my ears to catch the origin of the voices. It only takes me a few seconds to trace them to a lone door in the wall on the opposite side of the net; probably the door to the stairs, I realize.
The door is open, and two figures face away from me, engaged in quiet discussion. I'm not sure how they didn't notice me clambering onto the net, since I wasn't particularly trying to be quiet, but I suppose it's a blessing.
I stay still, not wanting to move and be seen, and push my ears further to hear what they're saying.
"-know if I can do this." The first voice says. It's definitely a female's, and she sounds distressed. Close to tears, even.
"You can. I promise, you'll get through this. I'll help you through it." The second, comforting voice is male, and even more familiar than the first. I frown, trying to recall where I've heard them before.
"How?!" The first voice shoots back. But she sounds more anguished than angry. "How am I going to get through this? How are we going to get through this? There's nothing to look forward to, nothing better to achieve! So you tell me, Aiden, how are we going to do this?"
Aiden. The pieces click into place in my head. The male is Aiden, obviously - a boy I spent three weeks of initiation with. And the girl's voice I now recognize as Sadie's. Aiden's close friend, possibly even girlfriend, from Erudite. The one who was kicked out of the first stage of initiation.
"You can't keep bringing me food like this." The shorter figure - presumably Sadie - shakes their head. "Eventually, you'll get caught, and then you'll become factionless too. And I can't do that to you. It- It's horrible. I-" She cuts herself off, and, faintly, I can hear a sniff. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to make it i-into Dauntless. It- I know it was o-our dream. And I'm sorry I'm p-putting you in danger like this-"
"Hey, hey, hey." Aiden is the one to cut her off this time. I see two arms, cloaked in shadow, reach up and set themselves on the smaller figure's shoulders. "None of that, okay? I know you tried your best. And this is my choice. You're my choice, Sades, Dauntless or factionless be damned. I don't care about the danger."
Then, the figure that's likely Aiden leans forward, pressing his forehead to Sadie's. Judging by the way they stay still for several moments, they're speaking even more quietly now, quiet enough that I can't hear them anymore.
After a few seconds, their lips meet in a kiss, and that's when I turn away. With the turn this conversation has taken, it feels like an invasion of privacy to be here.
Hoping that they're too distracted to notice, I quietly make my way to the edge of the net and gently lower myself off of it. And then, I speed-walk away from the scene as quickly and quietly as I can.
That could have been me. The thought nags at my brain with every step I take. If I had been worse at fighting, if I hadn't excelled in the simulations as much, if I was a normal Abnegation transfer, one unused to pain, I could have been the one that became factionless. That scene between Aiden and Sadie, which is reminiscent of some of my own interactions with Tobias, could have happened between Tobias and I.
Ever since I learned about the cuts, I always knew what they could do. But seeing - really seeing - the impact the cuts have on people, people I know, feels like a slap to the face. I never really paid Aiden and Sadie a lot of attention during initiation; I was too focused on my own friends and with passing initiation. But I never doubted how much they cared for each other, and the interaction I just witnessed only solidifies that.
How is it fair? How is it fair that I get to have everything I've ever wanted, while people like Sadie, and even Aiden, get all of that snatched away from them?
I can imagine what Eric, or even Tobias, might say. Life isn't fair. And they're right. It isn't. But at what point does that fact become an excuse to punish people unnecessarily? At what point does it become a scapegoat for situations such as these?
I sigh, casting aside the moral dilemma for the time being, and focus on the bigger problem at hand.
What I just saw was definitely against the rules. Inter-faction relationships aren't allowed, yet alone a relationship between a Dauntless member and a factionless. And a loyal Dauntless member would report it.
I pledged myself to Dauntless the moment I let my blood fall on the coals. I worked for the past three weeks to prove myself to this faction. I could lose everything if someone ever figures out that I knew about this and didn't do anything about it.
But if I do report it, then Aiden would be the one to lose everything. He'd become factionless, or worse, and the two of them might starve on the streets. The Abnegation try their hardest, but there's never enough to go around, and the Abnegation and factionless alike all know it.
Some part of me already knows there is no choice to be made. I don't think I could live with myself if I tore someone's life apart like that.
My decision means that I am a traitor to my faction. The real question is, do I care?
And, no, I don't, I quickly realize. Because no matter what the rules say, this is the right thing to do.
We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
Today, I'm standing up for Aiden and Sadie, in this little, silent way. I'm standing up for the small, hidden pocket of happiness they've managed to make for themselves, despite the circumstances. The happiness they both deserve.
And I will never regret that.
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When I finally arrive back at the Pit, about thirty minutes before the start of the job choosing ceremony, I'm greeted with a sobering scene.
There's a small crowd centered around the Chasm, still a small distance away from the railing. At the front of that crowd is a man and a woman, both clutching each other tightly. Their faces shine in the light - they're crying. That's uncharacteristic of the Dauntless, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.
At the Chasm railing, two men are lifting something up with ropes. Unbidden, my mind brings up the memory of J, dead at the bottom of the Chasm, and the supplies that people carried to get him out.
Someone has jumped.
It takes me a moment to process the implications of the thought, but once I do, I'm running.
My heart slams against my ribs, its loud thud thud thud ringing in my ears as I sprint towards the Chasm. Not my friends, please, not any of them-
The little rationality I have left tells me that it can't be any of them. That I would know if they were suicidal. Besides, what would they have to be upset about? They all just passed Dauntless initiation. Their life is truly beginning. What reason would they have to end it?
But I don't care. I need to know it isn't any of them. I need to see it with my own eyes.
Halfway to the edge, I have a disturbing thought.
Erudite. I don't know why they are hunting us, but they want us dead.
What if one of my friends is Divergent? Kian and Chloe's faces flash through my mind. When did I last see them? The banquet.
If possible, I run even faster. When I finally get to the small crowd, I elbow my way through, uncaring of the exclamations and colorful words that come in my wake.
Not them, please, not them-
I reach the front of the crowd right as the body is hauled over the edge. The woman lets out a strangled cry, the sight of the body before her clearly distressing her, but she seems unable to look away.
The face of the corpse is tilted towards me, and I have to fight not to sigh with relief when I see it.
It's not one of my friends.
Almost immediately, I'm ashamed at the sentiment. Just because I didn't know the dead boy that lays before me doesn't mean that his death isn't a tragedy. Just because I didn't know him doesn't mean I shouldn't mourn him.
I study his face once more, trying to put a name to it. Upon further examination, I recall a similar face, passing by me as I walked out of the fear landscape room.
An initiate, then, a Dauntless-born.
The men lift up the dead boy, gently shutting his eyes before starting to maneuver his limbs into a black body bag. At this, the woman lets out another sound, this one closer to a sob, and my heart breaks for her. How would it feel, to know that your child didn't want to live anymore, that they hated the same person that you loved with your whole being? I hope I never have to find out.
A gentle hand lands on my shoulder from behind, and I whirl, my arms instinctively balling up in preparation for a fight. But it's just Tobias, watching me with sad eyes.
My hands drop, and I step closer to his side.
"Sorry to startle you." Tobias' voice is so low, I can barely hear it. "I just..." He trails off, but I understand what he can't bring himself to say. What does one say to another, after they just witnessed a death? 'Hey, what's up?'
"What happened?" I question, hoping he has answers to the harrowing scene before us.
"He jumped." I guessed as much. "His name was Joaquin, and he was a Dauntless-born initiate. He failed initiation." Tobias pauses. He doesn't have to continue. The rest of the story is self-explanatory. But he does, after a moment of hesitation. "An initiate jumps every year. I thought that this was the year that we broke the cycle."
I have no words to respond to that.
Once they get the body - Joaquin - into the body bag, they lift him up, taking him away to god-knows-where. This seems to be the final straw for the woman - she sinks to the ground, now full-out sobbing, taking the man with her. A few people stop, laying their lands on the grieving parents' shoulders to comfort them, but the rest begin dispersing, now that there's nothing more to see.
The action repulses me a little. Abnegation may have been a living hell for me, but at least its people were kinder than this.
"When will his funeral be?" I quietly ask. Maybe I didn't really know him, but he was a fellow initiate. The least I can do is go to his funeral.
Tobias shakes his head. "He won't be getting one."
"What?!" I swing my head towards Tobias, not bothering to hide my disbelief. "Why not?!"
My brother looks resigned. "He failed initiation. Even though failed initiates are given until nine thirty this morning to vacate the compound, they're technically factionless the minute the rankings are revealed. And the Dauntless won't hold a funeral for a factionless boy, no matter who he might have been." Tobias shakes his head again, this time in disgust.
I can feel anger, bubbling up in my stomach, spreading through me like a fire surrounded by new fuel. Joaquin, his mother, his father - that's three more people whose lives have been ruined by the cuts. How do the Dauntless leaders find this okay?
The least the Dauntless leaders could have done was hold a funeral for him, a boy who was counted amongst their ranks a mere twenty-four hours ago. But no, because of the stupid rankings and stupid cuts, they cast him aside so easily that it's disturbing.
There is nothing honorable about this.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, a somber voice whispers the Abnegation funeral rites - the same ones that were spoken at my mother's funeral. But I try to ignore that last bit as I open my mouth.
We remember today the life of Joaquin, a beloved son and friend.
The first sentence is whispered, barely loud enough for my own ears to hear it, but, somehow, Tobias hears it too. He glances at me, quickly catching on to what I'm saying, and joins in.
Together, we murmur the traditional Abnegation funeral speech, filling in the blanks with the name of a boy neither of us knew, but both of us will certainly remember. I'm not sure if this is what he really wanted, to be sent off to whatever comes next with Abnegation rites, but it's better than nothing.
We stand there, mourning for the boy whose life ended before it could ever truly begin, seething for the injustice done to him, but, at the end of the day, powerless to do anything about it.
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"I'm sure you all know why we are here today." Max's voice echoes over the dining hall, the same way Eric's did just yesterday evening. "Yesterday, we welcomed ten new initiates as members of Dauntless!" The sound of fists hitting the tables and feet stomping the ground fills my ears, but, unlike yesterday, I can't bring myself to smile. All I can see is Joaquin's bloated body. All I can hear is Sadie, and the agonizing sound of her trying to get out words through her crying.
"Hey." Chloe nudges me, looking more concerned than I've ever seen her. "You okay?"
I must be acting really off, if even Chloe is concerned. "Yeah, I'm good." I glance past her, to where my other friends are sitting. For the job choosing ceremony, the tables were pushed back slightly, and a row of chairs was set up at the front of the room for us initiates. We sit in the order of our rank.
My eyes catch onto Aiden, who stares at his hands, which are in his lap, looking miserable. I guess I'm not the only one who can't stop thinking about Sadie. The expression on his face sends another red-hot wave of anger through me, and I can feel my hands form fists. I'm not sure if I'll be able to look the leaders in their eyes and shake their hands without punching them.
As though he can feel my gaze, Aiden slowly lifts his head, until his eyes meet mine. He attempts to smile as he shoots me a thumbs-up.
Despite my increasing need to hit something, I manage to nod and smile back, before turning away from him to watch the proceedings.
By now, the Dauntless version of applause has calmed down enough for Max to speak again. "Today, they will be choosing their jobs, and accepting their place as productive, loyal members of Dauntless." Loyal. Right. "The initiates will choose their jobs and apartments in the order of their ranking. Which means that first up is Cammi, our first-ranked!" The room bursts into another round of chaotic noise. Max gestures to me, indicating that I am to walk to the first of two tables in the empty space at the front of the room, which serves as a stage of sorts. Tobias stands behind it, looking completely stoic. But I savor the reassurance of his familiar face.
With a final glance back at my friends, and a deep breath, I push myself to my feet and force my feet to carry me across the room. The room abruptly hushes, and I can feel dozens- no, hundreds- of eyes on my back. It's like the Choosing Ceremony all over again.
It only takes me a second or two to reach the first table, but the unnatural quiet of the Dauntless and the many judgmental eyes on me make it feel like a lifetime.
On the table, there's a clipboard, with several sheets of paper on it, and a black pen beside it. With a quick scan over the first sheet, I realize that the sheets contain the title and a one-sentence job description of each job available to the initiates, along with the number of positions available, extra information needed specific to the job, and an box with several blank lines, corresponding to the number of positions available, labeled "SIGNATURES" beside each, all organized into a neat table of columns and rows.
The set-up makes me frown slightly - with the serum technology and the way the leaders are cozy with Erudite, shouldn't they have a better way for initiates to sign up than this? But then, I think about the chalkboard in the training room. The Dauntless have never seemed to care about technology, unless it furthers their goal of conquering their fears, and I suppose that wouldn't change now.
I quickly flip through the pages, checking to see if there's a job available that Rowan and Tobias didn't mention. I doubt it, but I can never be too safe. I don't want to make a decision without knowing all of the options. But I'm in the clear; all the jobs I see were covered by Rowan.
Now, I flip back to the front page, where the ambassador job is listed. Apparently, the ambassador team has two openings. I pick up the pen.
This is it. This is my last chance to change my mind, at least for a long while. Tobias informed me yesterday, possibly in a last attempt to change my mind, that new initiates have to serve six months in their initially chosen job before they can even be considered for a job change.
A lot could happen in six months. I could be found trying to gain information on the Erudite's plans, and condemned as a spy or a traitor. I could be discovered as Divergent, and get tossed in the Chasm.
Almost subconsciously, I lift my head, searching for Tobias. Seeing him will make me feel better. It always does.
My eyes find him almost immediately, standing on the other side of the table, watching me intently. I don't know why he's here, specifically - maybe to answer any questions the initiates might have? Make sure we're signing the paper right or something? But I'm not complaining about it.
Almost as though he can sense my sudden uncertainty, he nods at me, his head moving almost imperceptibly. Even though I know he disagrees with my decision, his nod seems as confident as can be.
Looking at him, I can't help but feel some of my confidence from last night flow back into me as well. Tobias trusts me, wholeheartedly, and his trust is more valuable than any gemstone or amount of points.
But, more than that, I'm reminded that I'm doing this for him. Him and my friends. And I can't back down now.
Diverting my gaze back towards the paper, I quickly sign my name on one of the two blank lines. No backing out now. Then, I move on to the extra information needed section. It's split into two, each one containing the names of the other four factions in it. There are no additional instructions written beside it, but I assume that this is for us to pick which two factions we'll be ambassadors for. I circle Amity and Erudite.
I set the pen down, and Tobias glances at my paper. His frown deepens, but he doesn't react otherwise. "Faction ambassador to Amity and Erudite!" He announces, using the same voice he did when he pulled me off of the net. His voice fills the room, and the room explodes into pounding fists and feet hardly a second after.
In the middle of all the noise, Tobias leans down. "Go to the next table. Lauren will show you a map with all the apartments available to you and tell you what to do from there." The words are clearly rehearsed. But then, his features soften a little, and his voice drops slightly in volume. "I'm proud of you, Cam. No matter what."
No matter what. A weight on my heart lifts, one that I wasn't even aware was there. Despite our several interactions since last night's Chasm meeting, we hadn't discussed my choice of job in any of them, and a part of me was afraid that he would be mad at me for the decision. Now, hearing those comforting words in my ears, I can't imagine why.
Shooting him one last smile, I walk towards the second table, the one Lauren stands behind. Just as Tobias said, the clipboard on Lauren's table has sheets with maps of the Dauntless residency areas. As I walk, I hear Max's voice call out the next name. "Chloe!"
"Alright, Cammi." Lauren places her hands on the table, putting all her weight into them. The position can be an impressive show of dominance, but, somehow, Lauren doesn't make it seem like that. "I want you to look through these apartments, and tell me which one you'd like. Apartments shaded gray are occupied, white ones are not. Since you're first, you can choose pretty much whichever one you like, as long as it isn't in the leadership hallway, right here-" She points to a particular hallway on the map. It's unnecessary, though; the words LEADERSHIP RESIDENCY are printed in capital, bold font through the center of the hallway. "-Or in the medical hallway, right there." She points to another hallway, almost on the other side of Dauntless from the leadership hallway, clearly labeled MEDICAL RESIDENCY. "Each apartment has a number and a letter assigned to it. The number is unique, displayed outside your door, and is essentially your address within Dauntless. The letter, however, is only used to classify apartment sizes." She points to a small white box, labeled 1096, with a "C" under it. "C is the smallest apartment size. One bedroom, one bathroom, small kitchens, living rooms, and so on. Best for single people or couples. Then, there's B-" She shifts her finger to apartment 1248, labeled with a "B". "-which have two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and somewhat larger rooms. They're good for several roommates, couples with a few children, or people that like having more space. Next, there's A." Her finger moves to a large white box, labeled 1436, with, of course, the letter "A" under it. "These are the largest apartments. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, nice large rooms. Usually, bigger families with several children get these. The only apartments outside of the leadership and medical hallways that you're not allowed to live in are the ones labeled A+." She doesn't point to one this time, probably because I can't choose them anyways. "All the leadership apartments are A+, but there are about five reserved for the largest of families. Which, I daresay, you are not."
Well, she's not wrong. And I don't want that large of an apartment, anyways - what would I do with three or more bedrooms, and two or more bathrooms?
I scan the papers, searching for one particular apartment. 1074. That was the number on the small sigh outside Tobias' apartment. And I really don't want to walk halfway across Dauntless to see him. Soon, I find it. As expected, it's shaded gray. And there's a small "C" under the number.
Searching the diagram of the hallway, I find that most of the apartments there are size C, but there are a few at the ends of size B. About three of the size C and one of the size B apartments are available.
I could do with either one, honestly. Tobias' apartment was plenty big enough, for me, at least. And some part of me that's still Abnegation, even while choosing my home in Dauntless, whispers that I should take one of the size C apartments, leaving the size B ones for people that will actually use them.
I'm Dauntless now. I shouldn't listen to that small voice. But, for once, I do. I don't need two bathrooms, anyways.
"I'll take this one." I point to apartment 1081, with a "C" underneath, which is a bit further down and on the opposite side of the hall from Tobias'.
Lauren looks up from the paper, looking uncertain, but not shocked. "A size C? Are you sure?" She presses. "You don't want one of the bigger ones?"
"No." I shake my head. "I wouldn't use all the rooms, anyways."
"That's not the point." But she still checks off the white space and scribbles something, probably my name, onto another sheet of paper. "I guess you can take the initiates out of Abnegation, but not the Abnegation out of the initiates, huh?"
I freeze. Her words tell me two important things: One, she helped new members pick apartments last year, too, and two, she remembers that Tobias is from Abnegation. Initiates. Plural.
But the real reason I freeze up, the one thing her question doesn't answer; does she know about my Divergence?
There's no way she could have. She never did any of my fear simulations. Tobias wiped any records of us going through his fear landscape.
But what if she guessed? Like I'm doing with Kian and Chloe? What if she observed me more closely than I thought, and put together some strong suspicions?
Maybe I'm being paranoid. But if she knows, it's my life on the line. So, I think I have the right to be a little wary of her words.
"Here you go, Cammi." I force myself to tune in as she starts speaking again, pushing my fears out of my mind. I can't act on them right now. She rummages around in the drawer of the table for a moment, before reaching in, pulling something out, and holding it out to me. Taking it from her, I see that it's a key, silver-colored, and engraved with my new apartment number, but otherwise plain.
"You're all set. All you'll be doing now is shaking Max's hand, then walking back to your seat. Got it?" She smiles, not waiting for a response. "Good. Now go."
Still processing her words, I turn, walking towards the opposite end of the open-area that I entered from. Shaking Max's hand.
I had shoved thoughts of what I saw and heard this morning out of my head for a little bit, while I was focused on choosing my job and apartment. But now, watching Max, who stands several yards in front of and a few feet to the right of Lauren's table, from the audience's perspective, in front of a standing microphone, they pour back in.
Thank goodness I only have to shake Max's hand. I can probably hold back my anger for long enough to do that. But if I had had to shake the hands of all the leaders, I might have ended up combusting.
I know the other leaders are here somewhere. Tobias said they're all required to be here, so they're likely somewhere in the audience. I don't know exactly where, and I don't care to find out.
Gritting my teeth, I slip the key into my pocket as I walk up to Max. He's the first to move, holding his right hand out. I reach up with my own right hand and grasp it.
His grip is tight. Harsh, in a way, just like him. For the first time, I understand why some people say handshakes reveal a lot about your personality. And I also finally understand why they are the Dauntless greeting. They tell you a lot about another person, a person who could potentially be your enemy.
He moves his arm up and down. "Welcome to Dauntless, Cammi."
"Thank you, sir."
He smiles. It's a warm smile, and, for a second, I'm nearly fooled.
But this is the man that went along with Eric's plan of cutting all but the top then initiates, I remind myself.
This is the man plotting with Jeanine to ruin Abnegation.
This is the man that tore Aiden and Sadie apart.
This is the man that drove Joaquin to jump.
I let go.
Without another word, I spin on my heel, and start walking away from him, out of the spotlight and towards my seat. I don't look back.
My friends offer me bright smiles as I move past them, but none of them dare to interrupt the ceremony by speaking. Julia even shoots me a thumbs-up. Their bright faces manage to lift my spirit, but only marginally.
Kian is still sitting in his seat. Chloe's seat is empty. She must still be choosing her job. It's been a while, though - maybe she's indecisive? But that doesn't sound like the Chloe I know.
Right as I settle myself in my seat, Tobias' voice rings around the room. "Nurse!"
I cheer and stomp, along with the rest of the Dauntless. I'm not going to let my sour mood ruin this day for them. I don't have to weigh them down with what I saw and heard.
A nurse - a spark of worry runs through me. If Chloe is what I think she is, then this job suits her perfectly, a good use of her brains while staying in the faction she loves. But, while I'm not sure about the exact training protocol for nurses, I'm fairly certain they spend a short period in Erudite for their training. And that might not be a good idea for her. If I have such strong suspicions after such a short time, how long would it take for Jeanine to figure it out? She's surely far smarter than I am, after all.
"Kian!"
Chloe moves up to the next table, and Kian stands up, heading for the spot where Chloe was standing seconds before. And the ceremony goes on.
At times, it's slow. Boring. After all, we're watching former initiates scribble on a piece of paper. But I force myself to pay attention to every moment of it. These are my friends, after all.
Kian picks weapons development. Another nerdy job, but one I'm sure can be learned within Dauntless, so much safer for him, thankfully. Rowan, after a quick conversation with Tobias, chooses to join patrol, which surprises me, but doesn't shock me. When he was describing the jobs to me, he did elaborate quite a bit on the patrol team. Juniper also picks patrol, and I almost pity whoever their colleagues are, who will likely fall victim to one of their shenanigans sooner or later. Julia chooses weapons development, like Kian, and Zayden becomes a fence guard. I relish in the cruel satisfaction that the announcement of the job and his sour face brings - after how much he's tortured me, I'm the one who came out on top. Perhaps that makes me a bad person, but, right now, I can't bring myself to care.
Lavender chooses a job as a cook. Honestly, although I didn't anticipate her choosing that job, I can see why she did. She probably learned to cook in Amity, which is more than most Dauntless can say. And, even though it's a lower-level position, it's probably better than being a fence guard. Aiden becomes a fence guard, which I suspect has quite a bit to do with Sadie, since it's probably easier to meet with her at the wall than in the compound, given all the surveillance and people here. The thought ignites another spark of anger in me, one I have to quickly crush. I won't be helping anyone if I act impulsively. Ethan's the last to pick, and he goes with control room. Again, it's not a job I expected from him, but I could definitely see him staring at a computer screen and making snarky comments about the people he sees.
"And that concludes the job choosing ceremony!" Max's voice booms, and the sound of Dauntless-style applause follows. Once it settles, Max continues. "Now, to remind our members, new and old, what they work or will be working for every day here in Dauntless, we'll read the Dauntless manifesto."
And, faster than I thought possible, the Dauntless fall silent. They may be rowdy and loud and even rude, but they're also incredibly devoted.
After everyone is quiet, Max starts speaking the words, dozens of voices joining him in the process. We believe that cowardice is to blame for the world's injustices. We believe...
I join in quickly, reciting the words I now know by heart with the rest of the people here. Before today, the unity of it, the sound of all these people reminding themselves and us of the values we chose to commit ourselves to, might have made my heart swell with pride and happiness.
But today, it doesn't. Because today, my eyes have opened. I've seen the beauty of Dauntless several times, but I've finally been truly exposed to its ugliness, too. The cost the leaders' actions have had.
The thing is, leaders may be the ones in charge, but no leader stays in power if they don't have sheep. People that are willing to follow them.
...We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
For the first time, I doubt how much the people of Dauntless mean those words.
A/N: Honestly, this chapter was going to be more of the same joyful, "We're-finally-Dauntless-hooray" stuff that's been in the past few chapters, but I wanted to bring back Sadie, and then the chapter just took a really gloomy turn. But Cammi had to see the ugliness of Dauntless at some point, and why not now?
Also, raise your hand if you'd like to see Cammi punch the leaders at some point. ✋ I'm not sure if it could actually happen, but I'd definitely enjoy writing that scene! :D
Now, for the book of the day! It is...
Six of Crows! (By Leigh Bardugo)
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this book! Each of the characters is so unique, and their interactions, and just relationships overall, are just HILARIOUS! I've heard nothing but good things about this book, which is why I decided to read it, and I can confidently say that it deserves all of the good things said about it.
Here's the link: https://www.leighbardugo.com/book/six-of-crows-duology/
This novel has one direct sequel, which is Crooked Kingdom, but it's also part of her Grishaverse, meaning there are other books, about different characters, but set in the same world, that you can also read.
The next chapter is the final "real" chapter - the 36th chapter will be an epilogue. Cammi will be moving into her new apartment then. Like I said, both chapter 35 and the epilogue should be up by the end of January. I'll discuss what comes after than in their author's notes.
Gracias por leer, mi estrellas, y despedida!