•Y/N: Your Name
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Your POV:
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Black claws handle the delicate stems of yet another bouquet of flowers sent to me from Phil, setting them up in a blue, glass vase at my beside as I chew my breakfast slowly, staring at them wearily. With the amount he's sent over the past six days, the smell of them all had overtaken the room, but that part never bothered me. It was looking at them that was hard. Knowing who they came from made my heart sink at a simple glance. I choke down the food in my mouth, throat feeling tight, as I lower my head and put down my utensils to bring a hand to the bridge of my nose.
With a small groan, my lips wavered. I haven't had any decent amount of rest since Cain was here, but I haven't seen any sight of him since that night he stayed with me to ask him to help with that again. Probably for the best, anyways. I've been feeling anxious about meeting him again, knowing I'll have to come up with an answer to his offer. A part of me, though... Already knows what's best.
Hunching over, I groan again, earning a pitying look from Ramsey as he collects my tray. Nothing more than two bites were taken out of my meal. I was starving but too sick to eat anything. Nothing is improving. It didn't matter how often Luther visited with Koda or how hard I tried not to think about him, these thoughts keep occurring stronger and stronger as the days go by. In a frustrated rage, I abruptly stand and knock the flowers off my nightstand. The glass shatters across the floor, causing Ramsey's ears to perk as he watched me sink to the floor in hysterics while holding a hand over my aching heart, struggling to breathe.
'End it! End it now!' My thoughts were pleading me, and I couldn't take it. I wanted to take a hammer to my head until I stopped thinking anything. Gripping my arms, I seethe and scrunch up, crying and shaking as a figure knelt beside me worriedly. I could tell Ramsey had no clue what to do for me. He had already given me my medicine, and I knew he was not fond of touching, so I made no attempt to hug him, though I desired it. I had to calm my self down through breathing.
"I'm fine. S- Sorry for the mess. I'll clean it." The familiar shakes his head and reaches out to take my hand so that he could help me back onto the bed. I keep holding a hand over my heart as he picked up the glass and flowers, throwing the shards in the trash. I can't keep this up. I've tried, but now, I can't even stop myself from acting out.
Poor Ramsey has had to deal with the aftermath of these fits, though I always offer to clean them up myself. I suppose he knew I didn't have the energy. At least, he seemed indifferent about it. Maybe... Maybe it is time to end this. My fists clench the fabric of my pajama bottoms, trembling. I don't want to do this, but I don't want to suffer either; however, I don't think I'll take Cain's offer of taking me back to the human realm. No, I'm going to do this my way. As frightened as I might be, I refuse to leave like this, to disappear without a trace. Phil would worry, then— Maybe even try to track me down. I felt ill at the thought of him hunting after me. Whether it would happen or not, my paranoia would never give me any rest with that thought.
"Ramsey," I call, voice broken and soft. The ram faces me, awaiting my command. "Take me to him." His ears perk in surprise as I meet his eyes, crying. "I need to speak with him." He nods before looking over to the closet. Understanding his silent question, I nod my head, and so, he walks over to find me something to wear. He offers up a black blouse with a deep V-neck and sheer sleeves to go with white pants and a black belt. The shirt ties at the front with black ribbon meant to be set into a bow, and a clear quartz crystal necklace on a gold chain sat on top of it all, shining under the light. It was a nice ensemble, a change from the pajamas and lounge clothes I've been wearing lately. He must've figured I wanted to dress up to see... My heart sunk and my stomach felt sick as I crossed an arm over my belly. I'm so scared to tell him. Will he be upset? Will he get angry, and—
I cough out a gag and throw a hand over my mouth, breathing heavily as foul images tainted my head. Closing my eyes, I try to settle down while pushing the hand up the side of my face.
'Calm yourself, Y/N. You have to do this. You have to or else you'll never forgive yourself, or else you'll just keep suffering.' Regardless of all of this, he had done so much for me in the past. To disregard that now and leave without proper goodbye would bring me more guilt than I already carry. I couldn't do that to him. My bottom lip wavers with the sound of a whimper as my cheeks dampen with tears. I don't want to end things at all. Sobbing, I cover my face and bend forward, only stopping when I felt something being placed upon my lap. Sniffling, I look down at the clothes Ramsey had brought then up at him. Muttering another apology, I stand up and stagger away into the closet to dress, doing my best to shove these thoughts to the back of my head. It's for the best...
It's for the best.
It's...
It's...
Clenching my teeth, I scream out and rip a few hangers off the rod they had been on. Gasping, I back up, crashing into the mirror, which then lead me to jump and face my reflection. I catch my breath and soften my frightened gaze once I see myself. What have I become? What has this curse done to me? I have never looked so horrid, not even on my worst panic attacks. I was in such terrible shape with rings around my eyes and features that have started to look hollow. It was sucking the very life out of me. To go on like this... It will kill me, I know it will. I flinch at the sound of a concerned knock on the door and realize that the noise must've alerted Ramsey.
"I'm alright!" I shout weakly to him before looking down at the clothes on the floor with a frown. "I'm... alright." Squatting down, I hang everything back up before getting into my outfit and picking out a pair of black flats to cover my feet. I couldn't keep my hands from trembling, so I held them together in front of me after opening the closet and nod my head to tell him I'm ready before heading out. Ramsey takes the lead, going some direction that was unfamiliar to me, and at some point, placed a hand on the wall, gliding it over the wallpaper before stopping at a seam and facing the wall.
I look at him questioningly as he placed both hands against the surface and pushed. With little effort, the wall sunk in and moved aside to reveal a secret passage composed of dark brick and illuminated with dim light, like the rest of the castle. Perhaps, it was a servant passage? This old place seems to be full of secret passageways. Must be a shortcut. I trust my guide, following him deep into the belly of the castle.
Our hallway branches off into many, and as we go deeper, we cross some lambs and rams on their way about their business, further proving my theory of it being for the usage of servants. These tunnels must be the quickest way around this maze of a building. Descending some stairs, we find ourselves alone once more, and eventually, we reach a dead end with an oddly placed handle upon the wall. I tilt my head and watch as his claw wraps around it and slides it to the right, revealing another room in the castle that instantly made my heart sink. It was a place I've been before, for certain.
How could I forget those shelves of stories told through the ages, of poetry and Shakespeare? My hand flung to the side of my neck on instinct, where Sabbath's venomous teeth had once sunk. Though the scar was long gone, I could practically still feel the sting of those sharp needles. Oddly enough, there were bars blocking our path, or so I had thought, until the ram had passed through them with no problems at all, much like the ones in the throne room. This peeked my curiosity a bit as I followed him in with weak legs, debating on turning around now and trying again another time, but this was too important.
I shouldn't run, no matter how scared I may be. To my surprise, the library had one particular reader placed at the table in the back, who looked up from his book and shifted his gaze over to us. I take a deep breath to compose myself, but before I could even get a word of greeting in, the book that had been held between scarred hands closed gently, yet strangely, in a menacing way, before it was set down flat on the table. My words stuck in my throat as a gold and milky white eye stared me down while fingers tapped irritatedly upon the wooden surface next to the novel. A pair of mangled, white wings shift upon his back as Lord Lucifer turns in the seat to face us with a stern gaze before he spoke sharply.
"I was wondering when you were planning to show up."
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Author's Note:
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Oh, dear, you've certainly found yourself in a pickle this time, readers, haven't you? The big guy doesn't look too happy to see our dear Mephistopheles' sheep in his library. I know we all miss our man, but don't worry, he's coming soon, I promise, so until then, let us grace our eyes with his beauty:
No business...
No business being that pretty.
Until next time, my readers.
~Golden~