——"There! Finally got 'em all pureed!" Ace cheered, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. "My arm is killing me..." Deuce sighed. "Nice work. It'll be all the sweeter for your pain!" Trey chuckled, leaning against a counter. Easy for you to say when you didn't even break a sweat...
"The smell alone already has me droolin'..." Grim awed, wiping away some drool from his mouth. "I just need to add butter and sugar to the chestnut paste, and a sensible splash of oyster sauce -that's my secret ingredient!" I have a hard time believing that to be honest. The amount of salt in oyster sauce would completely ruin the tart.
"Oyster sauce?!" The Idiot Duo exclaimed in shock. Do they really believe the man who just forced us to do manual labor for him? So naive..."Yep. The umami of the oysters gives the cream a deep, savory flavor. I use this one here: Walrus-brand Young Oyster Sauce. All the best bakers use it in their tarts." Trey lied.
"Really? But isn't oyster sauce like, super salty?" Deuce asked. He was on the right track. "Some folks put chocolate into curry, don't they? Maybe it's the same idea." Then there's this dumbass.
"Pfft... Ah ha ha ha! I'm totally lying! No one in their right mind would put oyster sauce into a pastry." Trey laughed, clutching his stomach. "What?! So you were just yankin' our chain?" Ace shrieked. I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Ah ha ha! I mean, if you'd used your brain, you'd have realized how ridiculous it was! Let that be a lesson to you. Don't believe everything you hear." Trey wiped away his tears. "Feh. And here I thought that human was actually somewhat decent." Grim scoffed, jumping onto the counter next to me.
"Next, I'll put in the cream... Oh!" Trey's face slightly paled. "What's wrong?" Ace asked, which is a (for once) reasonable question. "You guys gathered so many chestnuts that we may have overdone it with the chestnut paste. I don't think we have enough cream to mix in." Trey explained, crossing his arms with a frown.
"Then I'll go buy some. Do they sell it at the school store?" Deuce asked. There he goes, being all heroic. "They sell pretty much everything, so... probably. Can I have you pick me up a few other things? I need two cartons of milk, two packs of eggs, some muffin cups, five cans of fruit..." Trey continued the list.
"I don't think I'll be able to carry all that back. Y/N, could you come with me?" Deuce asked turning to me with a slight blush on his face. "Sure." I answered simply, shrugging. "Then I'm comin' too! I'm getting dizzy from all this stirrin'. I need a break!" Grim said, stretching his limbs.
—►►—
"Hello, can I get some he- Whoa. This shop is wild. They have crystal skulls, grimoires, taxidermied... Uh, I don't even know what animal that is!" Deuce shivered, looking at a taxidermied mongoose with a hat. "You think they really sell cream here?" Grim shuddered.
"Greetings, my stray imps, How fare you today?
Welcome to Mr. Sam's Mystery Shop. What among my humble selection interests you? A charm from a secluded land? The mummified remains of an ancient king? A cursed tarot card?" The shopkeeper smirked, flipping up a tarot card with "The Lovers" on it. How peculiar.
"Myah! I wasn't expectin' this kinda selection." Grim exclaimed, his fur on end. "Um, we wanted to buy all the items on this list..." Deuce said, pulling up the list Trey gave us. "Ring up two cans of tuna while you're at it!" Grim smirked.
"No, Grim! We're not here for tuna!" Deuce scolded. "What's this? Cream and eggs and... Quite the sacchariferous list! I'll get everything for you." Sam chimed, a broad smile on his face, walking deep into his store.
"Whoa... He really does stock that stuff, huh?" Deuce asked, turning toward me. "Yeah, I wonder where he gets all of this." I pondered, observing the shelves of unique items.
"Here you go. It's pretty heavy... Are you sure you can carry this? Luckily for you, our 1/100th size flying saucers are 30% off today. Perfect for carrying groceries!" Sam bargained. "Ooh, lemme see! That sounds awesome!" Grim mused. "We're fine, thank you. Let's go, Grim." Deuce said, picking up Grim and holding him from a distance.
"Myah! I didn't realize today was National No Fun Allowed Day!" Grim whined as I picked him up, putting him onto my shoulder. Deuce and I grabbed the groceries. "Very well. Then until next time, my little imps. Do come again! Ciao!" Sam eagerly waved us goodbye.
—►►—
——"That store was amazing." Deuce smiled. "Yeah, and you're amazingly cheap." Grim insulted, flicking his tail. "Who are you calling cheap?! Hmph. Y/N , looks like you got the bag with all the cans. That must be heavy. Let me take that one. I've got a little trick for carrying heavy bags." Deuce smiled even more. "Sure, but at least let me take a lighter one from you."
Deuce nodded as we exchanged bags. "You're quite the power shopper." I observed with a light chuckle. "Yeah. My mom always used to stock up at sales, and the bags would get ridiculously heavy. I was the only man in the house, so I got to do all the heavy lifting, and- Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to monopolize the conversation." Deuce bashfully apologized, the tips of his ears turning more pink by the second.
"It's great that you helped out around the house." I said. It was true, it's always nice to see people helping out their parents, unless their parents are absolute shit of course. "No, it wasn't like that at all. The truth is, I-Owww!" Deuce was sent flying to the floor, the eggs going down with him.
"Myah! The eggs!" Grim shrieked. "T-the carton of eggs is totally smashed! And now the bag's dripping egg good everywhere." Deuce panicked, noticing the yolk spilled on the floor.
"Ouch! Why don't you watch where you're- Hey! You're the jerks who broke the egg yolk on my carbonara!" Oh jeez, it's these assholes again. "I've had about enough of you punks. You need to learn your place!" I'm too tired to deal with this.
" .....You're the ones who darted out at us from around a corner! And you picked a fight with us at lunch over an egg that you were still totally able to eat! And now you've destroyed six of OUR eggs!" Deuce roared, his voice filled with rage. Woah, I didn't know he could get like this.
"Yeah! He's right!" Grim encouraged. "So what? You sayin' that was our fault?" One delinquent snarled. "I am. Please reimburse us for the eggs. And then apologize to the chickens." Deuce composed himself. "Ooh, look who's got his big boy pants on. You sure are makin' a big deal outta some stupid eggs." How hypocritical. "What?"
"They haven't even touched the ground, so they're still edible. Quit whinin'." Dude, they are quite literally smashed against the ground. "You should thank us for savin' ya the trouble of crackin' 'em!" The other added. "Ah ha ha ha ha!"
Deuce harshly clutched his fists, a vein could be seen from his forehead. "That ain't funny." Deuce snarled. "H-Huh?" The delinquents stammered. "I said, THAT AIN'T FUNNY.
You don't get to call my eggs stupid. You don't get to call ANY eggs stupid!" Deuce grabbed one of them by the collar, they were forehead-to-forehead. "Those eggs may not have gotten to be chicks, but they were gonna make some amazing tarts! Do you get it yet? DO YOU?!" Deuce yelled, his face red in anger.
"What is with this guy all of a sudden?!" The other exclaimed. "You owe me six eggs. If ya ain't gonna pay me for em, then you're gettin' a bruise for each one!" Deuce yelled. "Are you serious right now?!" No he's just gonna let you go—yes he's fucking serious dumbass. "Buckle up, jerks!" Deuce yelled.
—►►—
——"This guy's outta his mind!" One of them yelped, blood trickling down his forehead. "Bwah! L-let's get outta here!" The other stammered, a black eye on his face. "Next time you eat an egg, you better apologize a hundred times, you buncha chumps!" Deuce yelled as they ran off. I let the blush consume my face. Love me a man that can clean my house and protect me at the same time.
"Whoooooa..." Grim awed. "...Urk!" Deuce harshly facepalmed himself. "What's wrong?" Grim asked. "I did it again, didn't I...? ARGH! I was dead-set on becoming an honor student this time, too!" Deuce groaned, throwing his face into his hands. "Huh?" Grim hummed. Deuce sighed.
"When I was in middle school, I was pretty wild. I cut school all the time and got in fights. I called my teachers names, hung out with bullies, bleached my hair...I blasted around tight curves on my Magic Wheel...I'd show off my magic to kids who couldn't use it yet... I was a total punk." Deuce explained, picking up some of the grocery bags. "So you were only a little more annoying than you are now?" Grim insulted.
"I did notice you had that vibe..." I mused, a smile growing on my face. His speech patterns said it all. "But one night, I saw my mom talking on the phone to my grandma. She was trying to hide from me, but I saw her, and I could tell she was in tears." Deuce started, his eyes flicking with a deep sadness.
"She was saying how she must have been a horrible mom, and that maybe she never should have tried to raise me by herself. That had nothin' to do with it! She hadn't done anything wrong. It was all me. When the carriage came to take me to Night Raven College, she was so happy for me. I decided then and there that this time, I wouldn't do anything to make her cry. This time, I'd become an honor student - someone she could be proud of. And I already messed it all up!" Deuce whimpered, tears building up in his eyes.
"I mean, did ya, though? Is putting up with jerks what honor students do?" Grim asked, crossing his paws. "Huh...?" Deuce sniffled, wiping away his tears. "Even I, Grim the Magnanimous, was ready to pound those losers into tuna paste! You just got to 'em first." Grim said. "Just make sure you don't overdo it. I was ready to break their legs, yet you showed more mercy than I ever could." I laughed.
"You guys..." the tears were back as Deuce set down the bags. "Even honor students get angry sometimes." I gave Deuce a hug. "To be honest, I really enjoyed that." I whispered. "Heh heh... I guess you're right! I just hope those chicks can rest in peace." Deuce sighed, letting go.
"Those eggs weren't the type that hatch." I revealed. "Wha- WHAAAAAT?! Are you kidding me?!" Deuce shrieked.
—►►—
——"Ah, you're finally back! Took ya long enough!" Ace rolled his eyes. "Let's get this tart-y started!" Trey winked, flicking finger guns. "Trey, no." I sighed, lightly laughing.
—►►—
——"Okay, now we just sprinkle on a little powdered sugar, and..." Trey sprinkled on the sugar. "Finished!" We all cheered. "Fin...ished..." Deuce panted from exhaustion. "Did something happen to him while you were shopping?" Ace asked, turning to me.
"Better let him work through this one himself." I said. "For sixteen years, I was so sure..." Deuce was having an existential crisis on the counter. "Yeah, whatever. I'm pretty beat. Making tarts sure takes it outta you." Ace complained.
"Hey fam! You look wrecked. Are the tarts done? Ooh, those look sooo cute! Lemme snap a quick pic for Magicam!" Cater whipped out his phone. "What, NOW you decide to show up?" Ace scoffed, crossing his arms.
"I just came to see how hard my little newbs were working." Cater mused. I'm calling bullshit. "It's tough work if you're not used to it. But there's no better cure for the ails of fatigue than something sweet from the oven! Help yourself to some of this tart." Trey said, slicing part of the tart.
"Pretty funny how you managed to show right when it was ready to eat, Cater." Ace snarled, glaring down the influencer. "Heh heh. Someone's gotta be the official taster!"
"Mmmm... That smells so good...Glossy chestnuts on top, fluffy cream below... I can't wait another second, I'm going in!" Grim shoved his face full of the tart. "Oh, dang..." Ace awed, taking another bite of the tart. "Yuuum! Liked and subscriiibed!" Cater smiled. "This is like something from a fancy bakery." Deuce complimented. "Rich in flavor, yet not too sweet... It's like chestnuts are dancing across my tongue!" Grim squealed.
"Is that...a good thing?" Trey deadpanned in confusion. "Oh, Trey! You gotta do the thing." Cater exclaimed. He sounded oddly desperate. "The thing? Oh... That." Trey smiled. "Uh, wanna fill me in here?" Ace asked.
"What's everyone's favorite food?" Trey asked. "Me? Probably cherry pie. Or hamburgers." Ace shrugged. "Canned tuna's at the top of my list. Then maybe cheese omelets, roast meat, pudding..." the list went on and on. "If I had to pick, I guess I'd say... omelet rice?" Deuce said. "I like a nice lamb chop with diablo sauce." Cater mused. How intense. "[F/F]" I answered.
"All right, you've got it... Let's "Paint the Roses"!" Trey casted, waving his hands over our slices. "Huh? What does that mean?" Deuce asked. "Take another bite of your tart and see." Trey winked. We did as he said.
"Huh? How- Now it tastes like cherry pie!" Ace shrieked in delight. "It's just like canned tuna!" Grim took another bite. "Now it tastes like a cheese omelet! And grilled meat!" He took more bites. "And pudding!" He smiled.
"Neat trick, eh? That's gotta be a hit when Trey's having tea with the ladies." Cater giggled. "...or guys, my tastes are open." Trey chuckled, taking a glance toward me. Oh? "It's very impressive. Is changing flavors your signature spell, Trey?" Deuce asked, switching the topic.
"Technically, it's "overwriting characteristics." I can change taste, color, smell, whatever. It only lasts for a little while. But it is kinda like covering up the real thing hence, "painting."" Trey explained. "If I had magic like that, I could be eatin' canned tuna every meal of every day! That's way better than Riddle's stupid collar magic!" Grim complimented.
"Oh, that's in a whole other league. His signature spell is a weapon. Mine's just childish prestidigitation. Speaking of Riddle - it's too late to give him these now. Let's call it a day and do it tomorrow. Don't forget that tomorrow's the unbirthday party. You don't want to be late." Trey said, stretching his arms.
"Y/N, can I crash with you again? It doesn't sound like I'll be allowed back in my own dorm tonight." Ace whined. "Again, seriously?" Cater deadpannned. "It isn't right to keep mooching off of Y/N, Ace." Deuce crossed his arms. "Yeah, it ain't! If you wanna stay tonight, you gotta pay for the privilege! Ten cans of tuna!" Grim scoffed.
"What?! Guess I'm sleeping outside, then." Ace sighed. "Why don't you go and stay at Y/N's dorm too, Deuce, so you can keep an eye on him? As vice housewarden, I can issue you a sleepover pass." Trey smiled. "That's our Trey, always spoiling the newbs. What fun for you. Ooh, maybe I'll come too! What do you say, Y/N?" Cater asked, a broad smile on his face. This could be my chance to deal with him.
"No pass for you." Trey said, slightly narrowing his eyes at Cater. Damnit. "Aww. Sad trumpet... Womp womp wooomp." Cater frowned. "Sorry to dump them all on you, Y/N. At least it's just for tonight." Trey adjusted his glasses. "It's no problem." I smiled lightly. I've dealt with worse.
"Tomorrow's the unbirthday party. Finally, I'm gonna get rid of this stupid collar! Just you wait, Riddle!" Ace said, rather determined.