April 1998
Stevie sat cross legged on her bed at her parents house. She still wasn't ready to go back to California and at this point, she wasn't sure she ever would be. She looked down and rested her hands on the tiny bump growing beneath her shirt and smiled to herself, "hey there little one."
She was only four months pregnant, and she knew she needed to tell Lindsey. She sat with the phone in front of her. How was she supposed to do this? In her first month in Arizona he had called several times looking for her. She never answered his calls. Was she supposed to tell him over the phone? Was she supposed to ask him to come to her so she could tell him face to face? Did he even need to know at all?
He definitely needed to know. Her family had been pressuring her to tell him since she found out. It was now or never. She would decide what to do when she heard his voice.
She glanced down at her small baby bump and took a deep breath, "alright, we're going to call daddy now. Wish me luck."
She picked up the phone and dialed the unfamiliar number that Karen had provided her with. He must have moved in with Kristen after he moved out of their place. It rang and rang and she almost thought no one was going to pick up, until she heard the voice of another woman on the other end of the line.
"Hello?" Kristen said when she answered the phone.
Stevie hadn't been expecting her to pick up and she almost hung up the phone, but she quickly decided if she didn't do this now, she never would. "Hi. I'm looking for Lindsey Buckingham. Is he there?"
"May I ask who's calling?"
"It's um....It's Stevie," she said, not knowing how much Lindsey had told Kristen about her; if he told her anything at all.
"Stevie Nicks? Oh, thank god. Lindsey has been so worried about you. He's been trying to get a hold of you for months. I'll get him for you. Are you okay?" The woman on the other end of the line seemed genuinely concerned.
"Yeah....yes. I'm okay. I didn't mean to worry anyone," Stevie said. She really wanted to hate this woman, but she seemed awfully nice.
"Well, I'm glad to hear you're okay. Here's Lindsey," Kristen handed the phone to him and Stevie could hear the sound of his guitar in the background.
"Hello?" He answered.
She was unable to speak for a moment once again. She hadn't heard his voice in so long that she didn't realize how much she missed it. She wanted to cry, but she kept her composure. She cleared her throat, "Hey Lindsey."
He let out a sob when he heard her voice. Stevie hadn't seen or heard him cry in many, many years. She wasn't sure what to do or what to say, "Lindsey? It's okay. I'm okay."
He took a deep breath before he spoke, "I've been looking for you for months."
"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't want to be found," she tells him honestly.
"Where are you?"
"I'm in Arizona with my family. I...um..." Stevie paused, unsure how to approach the subject with him.
"You what?"
"I was...wondering if maybe you could come out here for the weekend. I need to talk to you about some things and I'd like to do it in person."
"Is your father going to kill me?"
She laughs a little, "no, I don't think so."
"What about Chris?"
"He might try, but you can take him," she says with confidence.
She can hear Lindsey shuffling around on the other end of the phone before he speaks again, "I can be there tonight, if you want."
"That...would be just fine," she figured the sooner she got this out of the way, the better.
"Okay then. I can do that. I'll see you tonight."
"Hey, will Kristen be okay without you for a couple of days?" Stevie asked, unsure why she cared in the first place. Perhaps because the woman had been so kind to her when she called.
"Yeah, her mom doesn't live too far away. She'll be alright. I'm going to talk to her and then I'll book my flight. I'll take a cab from the airport."
"Sounds good. I'll see you soon." She said, waiting just a moment before she hung up the phone.
Stevie headed downstairs to let her parents know that Lindsey was coming.
"I guess I should bring my shotgun downstairs," Jess says.
Stevie and Barbara both rolled their eyes, "Please don't scare him, daddy. I just want to tell him and get him out of here."
Barbara glances at her husband before looking back at their daughter, "honey....do you have a plan?"
Stevie looks at both of them as she sits down in the chair next to the couch, "what do you mean?"
"Well, are you planning to go back to California? Do you want Lindsey to be part of this baby's life?" Her father asks.
"I honestly don't know if I want to go back there, but if Lindsey wants to be part of the baby's life, then I'll allow it. It has to be on my terms though." She explains.
Barbara speaks up, "what if....he wants to get back together?"
Stevie shakes her head, "no. Absolutely not. That is not an option. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it with her."
Jess and Barbara glance at each other again before her father speaks once more, "Well, you know if you plan to primarily raise this child on your own, you have our full support and we'll help you any way we can."
Stevie smiles a little and nods, "I know, and I appreciate that. I can do this."
"Yes you can, and you're going to be great at it," Barbara says.
Stevie sits on the front porch, waiting for Lindsey to arrive from the airport. She wanted to be the first one to see him without the intrusion of her parents. Thankfully, Lori and Chris weren't there tonight. She figured that Lori knew better than to let Chris around Lindsey right now. The last thing Stevie needed was the stress of a fight between Lindsey and her brother.
She stood up when the cab pulled up in the driveway. Lindsey stepped out with his bag and paid the driver. Stevie stood there, patiently waiting for him, wearing a white loose fitting top. The last thing she wanted was for him to notice her protruding belly before she had the chance to tell him.
Lindsey walked up the driveway towards her and he smiled when he saw her. She had to admit, he looked a little worse for wear. He looked like he hadn't slept in a while. His hair was beginning to gray. He wasn't the same Lindsey he was the last time she saw him.
He dropped his bag when he was finally in front of her. He took a step closer to her and paused, "is it okay if I hug you?"
She didn't say anything, she just stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist; hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. They stood like that for a while before she finally let him go.
"Come on inside. I'll show you to your room. My mom saved you a plate from dinner in case you're hungry," She says, leading him inside.
"How much do they hate me?" He asks.
"Not as much as you're expecting," she leads him into the living room.
Barbara quickly gets up from her seat and goes to hug Lindsey, "it's good to see you."
He hugs her back and kisses her cheek, "it's good to see you too. I was expecting you to slap me across the face."
"Well, I can't say you don't deserve it, but I'll leave that to my daughter."
Jess gets up and shakes Lindsey's hand politely, "Lindsey."
Lindsey shakes his hand and nods a little at the older man, "Mr Nicks."
Stevie sensed the awkwardness and tugs on Lindsey's arm gently, "come on, I'll show you to the guest room."
Lindsey is quick to follow her upstairs, "your father terrifies me."
She glances at him over her shoulder and smirks, "good."
They walk into the guest room and Lindsey tosses his bag down on the floor before he sits down on the bed. He pats the spot next to him and Stevie sits down. She nearly places her hand on her stomach out of habit before she realizes what she's doing and rests it in her lap instead.
"How are you?" Lindsey asks, tucking some hair behind her ear.
She moves her head away from him a little, letting him know his touch is unwelcome, "I'm doing very well. It's been good for me to be here. How are you? Kristen seems nice."
Lindsey nods a little, "Yeah, she's nice. Things are fine. We're just getting ready for the baby."
"That's great. You must be excited."
Lindsey shrugs, "I'm more nervous than anything. What if I'm a shitty dad?"
Stevie looks at him and smiles a little, "I don't think that's possible. You're going to be amazing."
"Steph, I'm...so sorry," he says, turning on the bed so he can properly look at her. She doesn't turn towards him. "I'm sorry how things ended between us. We should have sat down and talked about everything. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Everything happened so quickly and I was so confused and I just wanted to do the right thing and take responsibility for my son."
"Oh, you're having a boy? That's...great. That's good. Boys are easy," Stevie says, still not looking at him.
"Did you hear anything else I said?"
"Yes. You can continue to apologize as much as you'd like, but it doesn't change what happened. You just came home one day and abruptly started packing your things and left me. I didn't even get a warning. We were so happy and then it was just....gone." She wipes her eyes quickly, not wanting him to see her cry.
"You were right. We could have figured something out. We could have made it work. I didn't have to leave and there's not a day that goes by that I don't regret it," he admits. He tries to reach for her hand but she moves it away.
"It's too late for all that now. Come on. Come downstairs. You look like you haven't had a decent meal in months," she gets up from the bed and walks out of the room, knowing he'll follow behind her. She wipes her eyes as she heads downstairs, doing her best to keep it together. She knew seeing him again would be hard, but she didn't know it would this hard.
She heats up his dinner for him as he sits down at the table. She sets his plate in front of him and gets him a beer from the fridge. She sits down with him, but they both sit in silence, unsure of what to say to each other. She wasn't so sure inviting him out here was such a good idea. Maybe she should have told him over the phone like Kristen did. She just didn't feel like telling a man he was going to be a father was something you should do over the phone. She felt like he needed to hear it face to face, especially considering their special circumstances.
Lindsey cleans up after himself when he's done with dinner and glances at Stevie, "do you want to go sit out back?"
She smiles, "sure, I'll be right out." He heads outside and she grabs a sweater. Even in the desert the nights could get a little bit chilly. She heads out back and sits down on the porch swing with him.
When she sits down, Lindsey attempts to put his arm around her, but she recoils from his touch.
He looks at her with a bit of hurt in his eyes, "why won't you let me touch you?"
Stevie doesn't look at him, "because I don't want you to."
He nods, understanding why she wouldn't, all things considered. "Why did you call me here?"
It was now or never, she decided, "because I'm pregnant."
Author's Note: Okay, you all saw that one coming, but just hang in there for all the twist and turns along their journey, okay?