With the terrible Fire Lord Zarkon dead, peace found a fertile place to flourish. Freed from the terror and hatred of their former master, the people of the Fire Nation were optimistic about the future. However, curiously, the mood of the young Fire Lord Lotor was not keeping up with such enthusiasm. In fact, it was difficult to deduce what Lotor was thinking or feeling. Although he has always been known for his unhappiness, apathetic and distant behavior was a worrying novelty.
Many possible explanations circulated around the Palace: perhaps it was the delayed effects of the Princess of the Water Tribe's absence, the weight of new responsibilities or the conflicting feeling caused by the death of a cruel father. Whatever it was, they were sure to be a temporary disease.
They were wrong.
Avatar Keith was having lunch and doing business with Fire Lord Lotor. Throughout the conversation, Lotor seems calm and indifferent, two characteristics atypical for the boy Keith had grown up with. The pair of employees confirms the suspicion, they watched their master in anxious silence.
No patience to discretion, the Avatar drop:
"Did you hear that Allura is getting married?"
The employees widened eyes while the Avatar waited, intently, for Lotor's reaction. He raised his glass, staring at the plate. But his expression remained intact, no sign of protest left his body.
"It is worse than I imagined!" Keith was suprised. Lotor asked him with a look. "Doesn't that information affect you?"
"Well ... I have no rights to the Princess's heart." Lotor did not change his tone, as if he were reporting a fact.
"It's a lie- I mean, the wedding. There is no wedding." Keith waited for signs of relief, but nothing came.
"And why did you say that to me?"
"To confirm your condition. You really aren't doing well!" Keith continued, very concerned. "This apathy and indifference even in these matters! It seems that you don't have emotions anymore."
"I'm fine," Lotor said simply. "All the doctors you sent here found nothing."
"But there is something wrong with you." Keith changed his tone, there seemed to be a little guilt in his voice. "That's why I and the Council of Marmora decided to send you to be treated... at the Water Tribe."
"..."
"I sent a letter to Princess Allura informing her about your condition." Keith spoke without remorse.
"You shouldn't have disturbed her," Lotor chided, looking down.
"She was already worried." Keith defended himself. "After all, you didn't answer her letters."
"I have nothing to say to her"
"Lotor, look, if there is a problem between you ..." Keith was getting embarrassed by this type of conversation.
"There is nothing between us"
"Even if there is, don't do what you always do. Talk to her." His tone was a little affectionate. "Speak everything you've been saving, however painful it may be."
The trip was too fast for Lotor assess his annoyance or lack of feeling.
He didn't have time to think what to say to convince Allura that there was nothing wrong with him or to come up with a polite excuse for all those ignored letters. He brought them, but preferred to spend the afternoon in the company of documents and all the formalities that a man in his position had to take care of.
His concentration on the task falters as the Sun has disappeared from the boat's tiny window. His resignation suited him well. Under normal circumstances he would be sick of anxiety.
However, the Prince could not be further from this profusion of feelings.
He thinks that this is exactly how things should be. Abnormal was all that anxiety, trembling and uncontrolled heartbeat every time he waited to be in her presence. When they were kids, and he still had the privilege of seeing her every day, those heart leaps were fun, even. It was as if he were slipping on a "glacier". But when he saw her again, many years later, that state was an embarrassment. It even looked like he had some deadly fever, and he really had to make himself sick, so as not to attract laughter from the Palace. It was not very effective with Keith, even that deadass had fun with it. And finally, this feeling of physical disorder was giving way to something much more painful, a sadness that he was used to enduring. But now he was free of it.
At that moment the ship jerks.
"Was it an attack? What a nuisance." The Prince thought.
But soon a soldier warns him that, in fact, the water benders were anticipating his arrival. In his normal state of mind, Lotor would have been irritated by that attitude. That it could only have been Lance's idea, after all, everything that irritated Lotor was mysteriously linked to the boy. Was he thinking that he intended to run away? Lance certainly wouldn't miss the opportunity to show off. Whatever, Lotor now hadn't energy for a argue with him and all the annoyances that would come with Allura promptly defending that "potato head" (for a emotionless guy, Lotor was being very mean) .
When he was getting ready to go on deck to face "Captain Potato Head", another head came to meet him. Looking down, there she was, Princess Allura herself.
She did not complain about the bump or be irritated by his height, things that were customary for her. Since they met again, as adults, she seemed to make a point of showing how much she was uncomfortable in his presence. But now she was paralyzed, worried and completely speechless. There was an awkward silence for a moment, and after feeling a strange itch in his chest, Lotor bow:
"Greetings, Your Highness." - His emotionless voice made the sentence even more formal.
"Ah... Hello, Lotor" She replied a little disappointed.
"Hey! He looks great!" Lance came right behind her, he looked annoyed. "All that hassle on the pier was unnecessary."
"Greetings..." - Lotor looked at the badge on Lance's chest. "Commander Lance"
The boy's bad mood evaporated.
Now Lance, Command Lance, begins an enthusiastic lecture on the impressive rise in his military career. Lotor's shoulders begin to tingle severely, however, his face remains unmoved, which Lance must have interpreted as interest, as the boy continued to speak lively.
The three were already getting off the ship, and Lotor wondered if the way to the castle would be too long and if Lance's chatter would be the soundtrack. Because he was sure it didn't matter the distance, it was going to take time.
Fortunately, Allura, very irritated, interrupted Lotor's senseless torment. She made Lance stop the hype by ordering him to dismiss the people on the pier. He obeyed, upset, but without even complaining, something that could have surprised Lotor.
"I think you better use the hearse."
"I'm not dead, Lance." Lotor warns.
"But everyone thought you were dying! All the healers of the Tribe came here to shine saving your life! It will be a great undo to see you like this! "
"He's right, Lotor." Allura was embarrassed. "It's my fault. I exaggerated."
While Commander Lance dismissed the crowd, the two, sneaky as the wind, went to that carriage.
In the hearse, the embarrassment is even greater, at least for Allura, since Lotor's emotional anesthesia freed him from the feeling. She explains that she had asked it to be removed from the coffin and placed on a stretcher, which no one did, as you could see.
Since the vehicle had been designed to carry a corpse and someone to "veil" it, there was only one seat and the coffin. As apathetic as he was, Lotor thought it best not to try to sit on Allura's lap. He sat in the coffin, because lying down was perhaps too morbid for the Princess. The two exchanged excuses and justifications.
"Avatar Keith has always been unhappy in words," declared Lotor without ceremony. "He must have painted a misleading picture for you."
"No. Avatar Keith has done nothing wrong. " She promptly defended him. "I created this ... situation."
This was the occasion for Lotor to say that he created the situation with all that silence. If he had written to her only once in that year, she would not have imagined the worst. But the words got stuck in his throat. And she even looked at him as if she expected those words, however, the silence between them reigned.
In the vicinity of the Castle, Lance had already reached them. At the entrance, Coran receives Lotor with an almost paternal affection, while Alfor does not even look at him.
Before they go to the dinner table, Lotor notices many unsettling things. Lance spoke with familiarity with Alfor and Coran. So far so good, a normal conduct between parents and future son-in-law, but the tone of the conversation had so many questions. As if he had spent a whole season traveling (did he?). And then he said goodbye without any ceremony or explanation, and left. Nobody made a move to invite him to dinner or insisted that he stay a little longer. This scene played out without constraint, as if it were not the first time this had happened.
With the exception of this ... strange scene, dinner took place in a quiet and friendly manner. Coran conducted all the cordiality of the conversation. He talked about the menu and how wonderful it was that he became a vegetarian; the advantages of this type of food and how he missed some of the delicacies of Air Bender's Hill. Lotor politely talks about some healthy dishes that are no sacrifice and the conversation flows until Coran recommends that he bring such ingredients the next time.
This is the final straw for Alfor.
"And what are you doing here, Prince? In addition, of course, to enjoy a healthy meal. " Alfor says with immense hostility. "I thought we had an emergency here. You look great."
"Dad!" Allura scolds him.
The boy is unaffected by the threatening posture of Chief Alfor and responds to all hostilities with a monotonous and Cartesian tone.
"I feel good, Chief Alfor. Unfortunately Avatar Keith does not share this opinion. But I hope my stay will be brief. "
"I also hope."
"Enough." Allura warned.
"What's it?" He asked in a sly tone. "I only said that because I imagine he has more to do. Just like you."
"Avatar Keith entrusted Lotor's health to my care." Allura said with authority. "I will decide when he can leave."
"You don't have time for this." Alfor deliberated angrily. "We have a coronation to organize."
"Alfor, calm down..." Coran tried to intervene.
"I know my duties!" Allura almost screams. "It is not up to you to say what I should or should not do!"
"You are still not the Queen!"
"And you are no longer the King!"
The two face each other furiously. Alfor stands up abruptly and I leave, Coran goes after him. Only Lotor and Allura are left on the table.
There is an uncomfortable silence between them. She is very upset, with a low look. Lotor goes over to her and hands over a glass of wine.
"I think you need this more than I."
She spills it all at once.
"I'm sorry" He says.
"You were not to blame for anything." She said determinedly. "He had it." She gets up abruptly. "Now come. I will show you your room. "
Once there, there is a small sentimental memory. It is not the first time that Lotor has seen this room. That was where he used to spend his nights when he was allowed to sleep at Allura's house. At that time they were young kids, but even so, the Princess's father found it extremely inappropriate to let the little guest take the sleeping bag to his daughter's quarters. But, after much insistence, the Chief allowed to improvise a guest room taped to the girl's wall.
"You weren't completely satisfied with the arrangement." Lotor recalled. "But you accepted it thinking that we were going to find some secret passage."
This amusing memory makes Allura's face, often tense, smile and even Lotor's austere features soften. The room was not much different from what the boy remembered, maybe it looked a little smaller and there were some details in the decor that suggested that the place was carefully prepared for him. Realizing this gives your chest a sudden itch and his face closes in a wistful expression. Allura's mood accompanies this change, an uncomfortable silence falls between them again.
Allura breaks this silence by declaring that tomorrow they are going to the Valley of Healing and guarantees that she will find out what is happening to him.
And then, Lotor, perhaps moved by the desire to reassure her or really believing in the convenience of the situation, says:
"It is not so serious."
"Of course it is."
"For me it's been ... convenient." He said "Maybe it's not that bad to live like that"
"You aren't processing emotions." Her tone was very worrying "How can this be good?"
"Emotions are unpredictable and uncontrollable. I have never made a good use of them. But now, I no longer feel angry at your father, nor irritated by Lance and about you I don't feel...
He hesitates, there is a devastated look on Allura.
"You don't have to worry about my feelings. We will not fight anymore and everything will be better." He conclude
"How will everything be better?!" - She exclaimed, letting the emotions overflow
"You will not have bad feelings, but you will never have good feelings neither! How ... How can I not worry? Knowing that you never will feel hope, joy or ... love."
This seems to cause a disturbance in Lotor, he turns his back on her and scratches his neck looking at the floor. Words fail him, but he finds them:
"I do not understand."
This situation didn't make sense! When he was "normal" he had no control over his emotions in the presence of Allura. They were always screaming, fighting and hurting each other. In such a way and with such frequency, that he came to think that it would be like this forever: longing for her presence and then ruining everything with childish fights. Or to have the permanent sensation of disturbing her to the point that she was always tense beside him. A source of fear and irritation for her.
But now, that he did not feel the reflex of defending hostility with more hostility. Nor is regret for not being able to be kind to his loved one. Still, the fights continued? Was he still participating in her suffering? Why did he feel so confused now?
"I don't understand why you're so mad at me." He turned to face her.
"I'm not!" She said hurt. "I ... I was scared."
Lotor raised his eyebrows. She looked away from him.
"I will fix everything."
And with that statement she suddenly left, taking with her that remnant of distress. Back in indifference, Lotor felt an insistent itch in his shoulders, chest and belly.
He waited a while until he no longer heard her footsteps. He quickly removed the various layers of clothing that covered his torso. Naked from the waist up, he looked with resignation at the hundreds of pink lines spreading across his body, like cracks in porcelain.
They were getting bigger and deeper. Preparing for when he would finally break.