August 18, 2023
New York City
I cannot wait to see him.
Mi-rae pressed her lips together in excitement. Her hand tightened around the bag of wine that she had picked up on the way home. The rustling sound of plastic made her foot tap restlessly.
It was Friday night. And Kim Mi-rae was coming home to her husband.
Mi-rae leaned forward to inspect her appearance in the polished brass of the elevator doors. She could just make out her reflection. The grime of the summer city commute had not exacted too much of a toll tonight. Mi-rae hurriedly extracted lipstick from her purse and blotted on more red. And then she smoothed her hair and turned to assess her navy pencil skirt and white blouse. Her hands flew to her throat as she caught herself grinning widely.
You're acting like this is a date.
She shook her head as she laughed softly.
Marriage had never felt like this.
The truth was that even though Mi-rae was growing accustomed to coming home to Han Ji-pyeong, she still felt giddy whenever she did so. It was a state of surreal normalcy. She felt a rush as soon as she closed her computer down. Her heart fluttered when she rounded the corner and her apartment building came into sight. Her belly flipped whenever Ji-pyeong stopped whatever he was doing and looked at her in that way that he always did — like seeing her again was all that he had been waiting for too. How different it was to come home to someone who could make the ordinary feel like that.
Her thumb rubbed against the rings on her finger until the elevator finally slowed to a stop. Mi-rae swung her laptop case around her back and bolted through the doors as soon as they yawned open.
Her heels rushed loudly across the black and white tile. But then the door across from her apartment opened and Mi-rae skidded to a stop. Her hand waved brightly at Alicia's kind face even as impatience at the momentary delay rippled through her.
"Hi Alicia!"
Roosevelt tugged on his leash as Alicia prepared to tell a story. Her pearls rustled in anticipation.
"Oh that husband of yours, Mi-rae." Her hands perched on her hips. "Do you know that we walked all around Citarella's shopping and then he sneakily paid for my lunch after and there wasn't a thing I could do about it!"
Mi-rae smiled as she imagined Ji-pyeong's smug satisfaction at out maneuvering Mrs. Blanca to pay the bill. Their elderly neighbor looked more than pleased to have been thwarted.
"Alicia, you're never going to win that battle."
A high pitched yap drew their attention down to Roosevelt. The small brown and black mop of a dog lurched towards the elevator. Alicia clucked her tongue at the terrier and pressed the down button. But then she pressed a hand solemnly to Mi-rae's arm.
"I am afraid Ji-pyeong is being a little too ambitious tonight. But take it from an old woman. However it turns out, just tell him it's good. Never discourage a man from cooking."
Mi-rae nodded, smiling, while Alicia patted her reassuringly.
"Don't worry, I'll keep working with him."
Mi-rae dipped her head in thanks.
"Have a good night, Alicia."
The elevator doors opened. Alicia began walking into the elevator but then stopped and eyed Mi-rae affectionately.
"I like the way you always come home smiling now, dear."
Mi-rae could not help but do so again. She let out a breath. Contentment was this steady feeling in her chest.
"Me too."
Then she turned to slide her keys into the succession of locks and pushed it open. The warm sound of the record player coaxing soft chords from a guitar washed over her.
Mi-rae smiled as she lowered her bag and purse to the floor and slid off her heels. Her husband's sonic inquiry into her college fling had bloomed into a growing appreciation for the bands that had served as the soundtrack to commuting to work on the subway and raucous evenings out in her twenties. Every night she came home to a different album playing on the record console; a new book from her shelf folded on the coffee table; fruit in bowls and flowers from the market in vases; torn pages from Time Out affixed to the refrigerator with events circled in bold black marker. Everything around Ji-pyeong was to be explored and savored. His sabbatical had grown into an archeological inquiry into life.
"Loki no! I said get out of here!"
Mi-rae's hands flew to her mouth at the sound of Ji-pyeong's exasperation. She padded quietly across the living room to poke her head around to the galley kitchen.
Oh my god.
Ji-pyeong was standing at the counter. He was wearing a bright red apron over a rolled up black linen button down and jeans. His arms were covered in flour and his head was bent over in concentration as he kneaded a large mass of dough. Bowls, open packages, and mixing spoons were strewn across the counter. Loki was perched just next to his workspace, his head dipping in daring investigation.
Her teeth gathered her lower lip into her mouth at the sight of him. And so Mi-rae folded her arms and leaned against the refrigerator. Her eyes indulged undetected in tracing the shape of his dark hair down to the clean black line it drew across his neck. Then her eyes wandered along the long cord of muscle tensing over and over as his hands worked at the dough. Veins contracted and expanded in his hands dusted white as dough bloomed through the spaces above his knuckles. The red canvas apron was tied snuggly around his waist,inviting her arms to follow suit.
"Happy Friday. I come bearing rosé."
Ji-pyeong's head whipped around in an instant. Mi-rae raised the bottle in the air and grinned. And then those dimples welcomed her home. Ji-pyeong turned around to face her as she set the wine down on the counter. And then his dimples deepened even further as she crossed the narrow space towards him. He raised his hands in the air to make space for her to slide her arms around him. Ji-pyeong lowered his head down closer to her.
"Hi."
The word reverberated against her rib cage as his eyes lit up with fondness. Her belly did that flip.
"Hi."
Ji-pyeong raised his hands even higher in the air.
"Careful, I'm going to get flour all over you."
Mi-rae lifted herself up onto her tiptoes as a smile tugged further up the corners of his beautiful pink mouth.
"I'll take my chances."
His eyebrow challenged her playfully as she continued to slink her way up. Mi-rae pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and then rolled back on to her heels. Ji-pyeong lowered his hands down to the counter on either side of his hips and leaned back. His eyes ticked down the length of her and back up to her face.
"I missed you today."
Ji-pyeong said that every day. But the way that he looked at her despite the mere passage of ten hours filled Mi-rae with a warming certainty that Ji-pyeong meant it every time.
"I missed you too." Her fingers tugged at his apron. "You should always wear this."
A puff of amusement accompanied a quirk of his mouth.
"What are you making?"
"Spaghetti carbonara. From scratch."
Mi-rae blinked. And then she released him to peer around the counter in amazement.
"From scratch?"
Ji-pyeong nodded. Then he turned to take stock of the mass of dough lying in streaks of white powder.
"Yeah..."
His voice trailed off, uncertain. Then Ji-pyeong squared his shoulders.
"I'll wash up and open the wine while you get changed."
Mi-rae eyed the gleaming silver of the pasta machine curiously as she took down two glasses hanging upside down above the sink. And then she grabbed at the hem of his apron again as she started to walk backwards out of the kitchen. She could not drag her eyes away from him.
"You're adorable, you know that?"
His tongue lodged into the side of his cheek as he brushed his hands off.
"How so?"
Mi-rae smiled at his greediness for more compliments.
"You standing here in an apron making pasta from scratch for me?" Mi-rae let out a dramatic breath. "Watch out, my love. You're setting the bar very high for yourself as a husband."
Ji-pyeong jutted his chin out at her, clearly soaking in her praise with satisfaction.
"That's the plan."
He winked at her just before she turned the corner with Loki in tow.
When Mi-rae returned in a t-shirt and cropped black pants, two wine glasses were on the counter filled with a blushing pink liquid. Ji-pyeong's brow was furrowed in concentration as he extracted long strands of pasta spilling from the metal wheel that he was cranking. The spaghetti seemed to be straining to maintain its shape as Ji-pyeong clamored to keep it from clumping together. Mi-rae averted her eyes and picked up her glass.
"Can I help?"
He wiped his hands on the apron. And then Ji-pyeong folded his arms and appeared puzzled by the bedraggled beige lines of dough.
"Sure, you can cut up the tomatoes and peaches for the burrata."
She rubbed her hands together in anticipation.
"Ooh, so fancy my love!"
Mi-rae pulled out the cutting board from a drawer and then took a long sip of wine. It was crisp and cold as it curled immediately down to her belly. The day had been filled with so many calls and meetings that she had skipped lunch.
"Hey! I know them."
Mi-rae turned her head. Ji-pyeong pointed to her shirt.
"Interpol." He was excited, like a schoolboy bragging about a grade on a test. "I listen to them when I run now. I appreciate their aesthetic. Excellent suits."
She chuckled as she sliced through a tomato.
"Brooding and precise with sartorial flair. I should've guessed you'd like them."
"Brooding?"
Ji-pyeong laughed and pushed at her shoulder gently. Mi-rae raised an eyebrow at him.
"You really can stalk the hell out of a hallway, my love."
Ji-pyeong laughed even more loudly as he slipped a large pot off a hook hanging above her head. He set it down on the counter and wrapped his arms around her waist. Mi-rae placed the knife down and turned her head to welcome him. He must have just taken a shower because the smell of sandalwood and soap was strong. A tingle went down her spine as he rested his chin on her shoulder.
"I have nothing to brood about anymore."
His voice was low and soft. She closed her hand over his arm. A memory of him so miserable at the bar that first night could almost make her smile now. His laughter came so easily these days. His affection was ready and effusive. Her husband was happy.
Mi-rae reached up to touch his face.
"Me neither."
Ji-pyeong kissed her shoulder. Then he released her and busied himself with filling the pot with water.
"Alright. Tell me about your day. How's the SK-Artemis deal going?"
Mi-rae popped a small piece of tomato into her mouth. And then she turned to him with wide eyes.
"Oh my god, this is so good."
Ji-pyeong turned the faucet off triumphantly.
"Guess where they're from."
Mi-rae covered her mouth as she gasped through a mouthful.
"No!"
"Yes!"
His hands fanned out in the air as he prepared to regale her with his gardening triumphs.
"Alicia, Mr. Ford... all of them said it was too late to start heirloom tomatoes. But see?"
Mi-rae's mouth quirked at the way he nodded to himself so proudly.
"Okay sorry, back to your day. Tell me."
Mi-rae picked up her glass of wine again and sipped as she watched her husband pour olive oil and sprinkle salt into the pot before turning on the pilot. A warm buzz spread over her as her eyes followed his hands at work. She loved to watch him cook.
"Mi-rae?"
She blinked.
"Oh it's fine. Assistant Director Park is a breeze compared to Vice President Han. Hardly any questions at all."
Ji-pyeong rolled his eyes at her and then leaned against the opposite counter.
"I bet you think that's boring."
Everything at work is boring.
But Mi-rae smiled and took another sip.
"A little. It's Cain Capital that's a pain in the ass. So entitled and they never want to listen to what we say anyway."
Ji-pyeong kneaded his eyebrows together sympathetically and then shook his head.
"Why do people ask for advice if they won't take it? It drives me crazy."
Mi-rae twitched her nose as she prepared to tell her husband the most curious development of the day.
"I had so many meetings that I haven't even had a chance to tell you. You'll never believe who reached out today."
Ji-pyeong cocked his head and raised his glass to his lips.
"Who?"
Mi-rae took a breath.
"Seo Dal-mi."
Ji-pyeong's hand froze and then his eyes widened over his glass.
"They need guidance on bidding on a contract in Spokane. It's their first US bid so she's nervous and they don't know what they're doing."
He lowered his class and nodded thoughtfully.
"I'm glad they're being cautious." He tipped his head with a sardonic look. "Finally."
Then Ji-pyeong eyed Mi-rae for a moment as he took another sip of wine. He swished it around in his mouth before swallowing. Mi-rae glanced away as she remembered how nervous she had been to meet Seo Dal-mi. After their argument, Ji-pyeong never mentioned the party again. But on the second weekend in Seoul, after they had finished packing his apartment, Mi-rae worked up the courage to suggest it. Her conscience would not rest until she thanked those who had helped them.
Her stubborn nature decided to meet his past in the most stunning dress that she could find in Cheongdamdong. It was far too expensive. She had stopped her brain from calculating the exchange into dollars. But the rich purple reminded her of that day when her life had changed. And the woman in the mirror staring back at her looked so confident. Mi-rae focused on the signature line rather than the total when the woman at the register printed the receipt. She would never forget how her husband's jaw dropped when she walked into his cavernous living room with golden lights like jellyfish. Whatever it cost, it was worth it.
The celebration was a last minute affair on a restaurant patio beside the Han River. His stories about Seoul came to life. Mi-rae drank champagne. She laughed with Yoon Seon-hak and Park Dong-cheon about the wild turns of their summer. She patiently absorbed President Yoon's hard sell that Ji-pyeong should start his own company. She listened gratefully as Park Dong-cheon whispered that he had never seen Ji-pyeong so happy. She watched as people congratulated her husband and told him how much he would be missed. And Mi-rae breathed easy.
Ji-pyeong never once said that night that she mattered most to him. He did not need to. He held her hand for the first hour. Her husband looked at her from across the crowd no matter who he was talking to all night. Ji-pyeong smiled broadly even as he said goodbye to the very last person from the life he was leaving behind. The way he swung their hands back and forth as they walked home along the river made her feel more heady than the champagne. But when they returned to that glittering apartment filled with boxes, Ji-pyeong made it clear anyway. Over and over, until his bedroom was filled with sunlight.
Mi-rae looked at her husband. He was patiently waiting for her to say more.
"When I thanked her for helping us I said to never hesitate to reach out if I could help her. I'm glad that she did. I hooked her up with our government contracts guy and made sure that he will take good care of them."
She could tell that Ji-pyeong was trying not to smile. She marveled at how they could talk so easily about this now. Her heart pinched with love for him. And so Mi-rae told the unlikely truth.
"I like her. She's smart and she's really sweet. He is a little awkward but seems nice?" Mi-rae shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't talk much."
Ji-pyeong's eyebrows shot up as he took another sip. He was losing a desperate battle to keep his face straight. His obvious amusement was infuriatingly attractive. Mi-rae knew exactly what Ji-pyeong was thinking but she asked it out loud anyway.
"What?"
Now he was smiling. Ji-pyeong shook his head, feigning ignorance.
"Nothing."
Mi-rae sighed. But she was smiling too. She squinted her eyes at him.
"Oh just say it."
Ji-pyeong's eyelashes fluttered in mock confusion.
"Say what?"
Mi-rae rolled her eyes and huffed. Her hand perched on her waist impatiently.
"That it was a good thing that we had the party and I never had anything to be nervous about."
Ji-pyeong grinned.
"I don't need to. You just did."
Mi-rae looked up at the ceiling as a small laugh escaped.
Ji-pyeong set his glass down carefully. And then he reached across for her waist and pulled her close. Mi-rae chewed at her lip and stared at his black shirt before bringing herself to meet his gaze. He was smiling at her.
"Have I ever told you what a wonderful person you are?"
She looked away and shrugged.
"I don't remember."
He chuckled. And then Ji-pyeong tightened his hands around her waist. He waited for her to look at him again.
"You're a wonderful person, Mi-rae."
Her cheeks flushed with his praise. His hand smoothed a strand of her hair back. Then his eyes narrowed with a mischievous twinkle.
"And so smart."
His tone was dripping with a sweetness intended to make her blush even further. It worked immediately.
"You're the only person I've ever met smarter than me."
She laughed and pushed at his chest. He only pulled her closer. Then Ji-pyeong hooked his fingers into the drawstring waist of her pants. His hands were playful, skimming along her skin.
"And so damn pretty."
Blood rushed furiously to her face, hot and tingling. Mi-rae tried to look down but he ducked his head to catch her gaze again. Ji-pyeong leaned down just within an inch of her lips as his eyes caressed her face. Mi-rae's hands curled into his shirt. She could not breathe again until he kissed her. But he waited. And then he licked his lips as his eyes finally returned to hers.
"You are so ..."
Oh my god just kiss me.
She could not stand it.
Mi-rae grabbed his face with both hands. Then she pressed her lips against his until he opened his smiling mouth. His arms wrapped around her as she tasted the wine on his tongue. They kissed until the record player eased into silence and there was only the sound of water bubbling.
Ji-pyeong pulled away reluctantly. Then he kissed her forehead and sidled past her to attend to the pot. Mi-rae cleared her throat as she tried to resume her focus on preparing the salad.
"I saw Alicia on my way in. How was your day?"
"Good! I was on a call with Yoon Seon-hak for three hours this morning so Alicia was a breath of fresh air. Her stories are incredible. Do you know that she was a jazz club singer before she got married?"
Three hours?
Mi-rae watched her husband's forehead wrinkle as he meticulously added the pasta to the water and set a timer. She wanted to ask about his phone call but Ji-pyeong barreled ahead.
"That market is amazing! I went for a run after and started prepping dinner. That's pretty much it."
Mi-rae rinsed the peaches and set them on the cutting board. She pressed the knife down into the first peach. It was so ripe that the orange flesh yielded immediately to the blade. She glanced at Ji-pyeong.
"What did Yoon Seon-hak have to say?"
He sighed as he opened the refrigerator and started pulling out eggs and a bowl.
"The same things that she always does but this time she wanted to dig into my draft prospectus." His tone was weary as he unwrapped the bowl of grated cheese. "'Have you made a decision yet?' This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.' 'The time to strike is now.'"
Mi-rae furrowed her brow as she finished slicing the peach.
She is really pushing him.
"Anyway, I'll fill you in more later. I don't want to talk about it now." Ji-pyeong looked at her and smiled. "Let's enjoy dinner first."
Mi-rae smiled back as she nodded. And then she busied herself with preparing the salad and setting the table. The vase on the living room table was bursting with hydrangeas.
He always picks purple.
She reached out and touched the delicate petals with wistful affection.
"Did you ask Sam about the game on Sunday?"
His voice boomed from the kitchen over the sound of water pouring into the sink.
"Yeah he can't make it but he asked if we want to go to dinner next weekend. As in a double date."
Her husband's dark head immediately peaked through the galley cut out.
"So we finally get to meet Max?"
Mi-rae grinned.
"I think it's getting serious."
Ji-pyeong rolled his eyes.
"I could've told him that it was serious in June."
She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Not everyone gets married after less than a month, my love."
Ji-pyeong laughed and then disappeared from view again.
Mi-rae finished laying out the plates and then leaned against the table with her glass of wine in hand.
Everything that belonged to them was now mingled together. His former apartment had felt like a museum — beautiful but aloof. As Mi-rae had helped him pack she had been filled with an abiding ache as if she was excavating what mattered to him from his past loneliness. But here the objects that he had decided to keep imbued warmth among her own. Ji-pyeong's colorful, bold paintings brought life to the simple white walls. His large hardcover books crowded next to her dogeared novels as if in a mad conversation bursting with ideas. A banana tree plant that he had insisted on purchasing during an expedition to a gardening center reached towards the fading light beneath her favorite bay window. It had barely fit in the convertible on the way back from Westchester. Her husband sprayed it meticulously every morning.
A jade and gold sculpture and angular white figures stood watch from the top of her bookshelf. Photographs from their wedding day and honeymoon were already nestled on the shelves below. A picture of Ji-pyeong and his grandmother sitting together behind a birthday cake now rested next to the photograph of Mi-rae and her father at a baseball game.
She played with the faded red string around her wrist as she looked at those two faces staring back at her. They were the two people who had loved them most before they found one another. Now they were memories watching them from a book shelf. Her eyes returned to the purple flowers at the center of the table. She hoped that they found comfort in what they saw here. Their lives were inextricably entwined together, growing and in full of bloom.
"Um, it's ready."
Ji-pyeong set a large cobalt blue bowl down in the center of the table. He eyed its contents, uncertain, before pouring more wine into their glasses. Mi-rae took a seat across from him.
"Thank you for making dinner, my love."
Mi-rae wiggled in her seat in anticipation as she served a portion of the burrata onto his plate and then hers. Ji-pyeong reciprocated with the spaghetti.
But when Mi-rae lowered her head, her eyes widened in surprise.
That does not look right.
The yellow mound on her plate resembled risotto more than spaghetti. There was no longer a discernible shape to the strands. Bits of bacon and parsley desperately clung to the sliding mass.
Ji-pyeong cleared his throat.
"Would you like some parmesan?"
Mi-rae nodded and then watched her husband as he sprinkled finely grated cheese onto the questionable lump on her plate. She focused on eating the salad first.
"The tomatoes really are delicious, my love. I am so impressed."
"Thank you. Okay so, tell me more about Cain."
Mi-rae set her fork down and sighed.
"Other than I hate working for them?"
Ji-pyeong frowned sympathetically.
"I don't know why they're getting to me so much. I've worked for them for years. It's just ..."
She picked up her glass and took a sip as she tried to formulate her thoughts.
"It's hard to explain..."
Ji-pyeong leaned back in his seat and tented his hands together, waiting. Mi-rae bit her lip.
"The truth is that I have never liked being a lawyer more than when I was helping Emma. It felt like what I was doing really mattered. Except that's not my actual job!"
She let out a small laugh as she pushed a piece of peach around on her plate.
"Now I'm just back to what I've always done. I keep thinking about how Emma said that the only difference between the GenOne lawyers and me was who was paying the bill."
Ji-pyeong shook his head.
"That's nonsense."
Mi-rae shrugged as she swirled wine around in her glass.
"Is it?"
Ji-pyeong leaned forward, his index finger dropping to the table for emphasis.
"Of course it is! They were intimidating people to cover up a fraud. You represent banks and companies that are trying to build something real. You work hard and you're paid accordingly. Never feel guilty about being paid for what you're worth."
Her husband's speech in her defense was so impassioned. But Emma's words needled anyway.
Lawyers like you.
Ever since she had returned, work felt like going through the motions of a tired dance. Mi-rae listened to someone from Cain Capital talk about creative destruction every other day. But it did not feel like building anything at all. In the wake of what was torn down, there were usually fewer jobs and closed office buildings. Her father's series of businesses packed into boxes of broken dreams increasingly came to mind as conference calls endlessly blared about maximizing profits. She was at the point in her career where she was beginning to see even the deals that she had worked on in her twenties dismantled. For one week Mi-rae had done something that truly mattered: she had been face to face with someone whom she had actually helped. Now she was once again serving private equity in a merry go round of buying and selling. The work had not changed. But something inside of her had. And her future was stretching before her like one long conference table mired in the minutiae of making rich men even richer.
Work is called work for a reason.
Mi-rae forced herself to nod in agreement.
"I'm sure it's just that I am settling back in. Going back to work was always going to be a let down after our trip."
Ji-pyeong reached over and squeezed her hand.
"Well we have this thing in the Hamptons to look forward to at the end of month. And Los Angeles for your birthday in October!"
It was living for the moments in between. But she could not help but smile at the encouraging look on his face.
Stop complaining when you have him.
Mi-rae squeezed her husband's hand back. And then she prepared herself to try the pasta. She tentatively scooped up a small amount onto her fork. Ji-pyeong sat up straight and squared his shoulders.
Mi-rae took a small bite and began to chew. Her eyes darted quickly back down to her plate.
Oh god why is it like eating paste?
Mi-rae concentrated on keeping her face placid as she worked through the congealed mass in her mouth. It was oddly both shapeless and yet difficult to chew. She could feel Ji-pyeong's eyes on her. Mi-rae made herself smile as she lifted her head to meet his curious gaze. Then she forced herself to swallow and nodded enthusiastically.
"So good my love!"
Ji-pyeong's eyes narrowed.
"Really?"
He picked up his fork and took a decisive bite. His eyes widened. And then he fell back in his chair.
"It's awful."
Mi-rae clamored forward.
"It's not!"
But Ji-pyeong just stared at his plate, despondent.
"How did it end up like this?"
Mi-rae scooped up another forkful and ate it quickly.
"I like it!"
Ji-pyeong met her gaze. He looked at her skeptically.
"Mi-rae."
A smile was teasing at the corners of his mouth. Mi-rae tried desperately to keep a straight face. She doubled down in her efforts.
"The flavor is good!"
He barked out a laugh.
"Wow, it really is that bad."
Then his hands were in his hair as his eyes raced back and forth.
"What went wrong? I followed the recipe exactly!"
Mi-rae bit her lip.
"It was your first time trying! I'm so impressed because it seems really hard, my love."
Ji-pyeong picked up the bottle of wine and poured the remaining contents into both of their glasses with a deep sigh. And then he stood up and started clearing the plates.
"What are you doing?"
He nodded with authority.
"I'm throwing this disaster away. And ordering pizza. And then I'm opening another bottle of wine. We are going to salvage this night on the rooftop."
By the time they were climbing the steps to the roof with a new bottle of rosé in hand, Ji-pyeong was laughing about his ill fated spaghetti.
"It was porridge. It was porridge carbonara!"
Mi-rae hugged his arm as she giggled.
"Shhhh! Everything else you have made has been wonderful!"
Ji-pyeong shook his head as they walked across the rooftop to the chaise lounge. Then he stretched his legs out and leaned back onto his hands to survey the growing darkness. The lights from their wedding day were still strung along the walls and up into the small potted trees. They had now become a part of the community rooftop, lending a comforting glow to this secret world. The Empire State Building was all white tonight. Mi-rae had yet to crack the mystery of its mercurial changes in appearance but tonight it seemed content to cede attention to the sky. It was a beautiful evening — miraculously not humid. The rose purple of dusk wrapped a delicious haze of quiet over the city in these dog days of summer. It was that time of year when many fled the oppressive heat of cement and asphalt on the weekend. From high above, New York now felt like it was just for them.
Mi-rae ran her hand along a wooden box of tomato and squash plants. The green leaves were like a miracle of nature here amongst the jutting angles of gray and brown buildings all around. Her husband had patiently coaxed their unlikely existence here into flourishing. Like he did almost everything else from investments to her love. Mi-rae sat beside him down and poured pink wine into their glasses. For a moment it felt like they had captured the sky in the depths of their cups. Mi-rae folded her legs under one another and held her glass up to toast his. She offered the words that had taken flight from his letter to her lips in this very place. They now were a ritual between them.
"To moments with you."
Ji-pyeong smiled and gently touched his glass to hers. And then he drank deeply as his eyes restlessly scanned the horizon. His forehead was wrinkled in thought. Mi-rae watched him chew on his lip for a few moments as her curiosity once again ran wild.
Why was the phone call three hours?
She nestled her wine glass in the triangular space left open by her legs. And then Mi-rae laid her palms flat on her thighs.
"Okay." She took a deep breath. "So Yoon Seon-hak. What did you all talk about for three hours, my love?"
Ji-pyeong raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at her. His feet twitched back and forth.
"Well, she absolutely loved my prospectus. And the board went nuts over it too. They're offering $200 million to get it off the ground. And that's just to start."
His tone was flat.
"And how do you feel about that?"
Ji-pyeong took a long drink of wine as he stared up at the sky.
"Hey is that Venus? It's way too bright to be a star."
Mi-rae glanced up but then inched closer to him. She waited patiently for him to look at her again. He finally rolled his head back in her direction.
"I don't know what I feel about it other than I know that I'm right in what I have set out. There is a giant hole in the market left behind by GenOne. And somebody needs to fill it."
Mi-rae played with the faded red string around her wrist. She turned the blue eye around so that it was not watching her.
"Yoon Seon-hak is the whole reason why I am at SH."
Chris's genial face while Mi-rae had chafed during an endless call with Cain today flashed through her mind. She tilted her head at Ji-pyeong.
"Do you feel like you owe it to her to do this?"
Ji-pyeong let out a long breath. And then said nothing. Something inside of Mi-rae rebelled at the idea for him even if she would not concede it for herself.
"My love, that may have been true at first but you're still there because you've made them a ton of money."
Ji-pyeong stared out at the twinkling patio lights. It was as if he was not listening.
"I stood up in front of the whole world and said that we wouldn't give up. That I would honor my grandmother that way."
Mi-rae worried at her lip.
That's not a reason enough to do it.
Mi-rae leaned forward and touched his thigh.
"That doesn't mean that you have to start the company yourself. You can do what you always do: look for the right company and invest. Cultivate its success."
Ji-pyeong shook his head.
"It doesn't exist. I've looked."
Then he looked at her for a long time, his face solemn.
"Do you think that I can do it?"
Mi-rae clamored to assure him despite the gnawing uncertainty about the wisdom of taking so much on.
"Of course you can do it! You're the most talented person I've ever met. But the question is do you want to?"
Ji-pyeong drained his glass of wine and poured another.
"All these people get handed titles because of their family or whatever. I have a chance to be a CEO. Imagine it: CEO Han. Why can't that be me?"
He was defiant now — as if her husband was debating someone who was not there. Her throat tightened.
You're back at the baseball game as a kid.
The way her husband's eyes flashed with hurt when sharing that memory sitting side by side at Citifield faded into the proud look on his face before her now. She had seen scores of boys just like she had imagined him at the nonprofit in Seoul — eager to prove that the chip on their shoulders would yield to acceptance and a better life.
"Taking this company public would mean hundreds of millions of dollars."
She narrowed her eyes, confused.
"Surely more than that."
Then Mi-rae's mouth went dry.
"Oh you mean ...?"
He nodded solemnly.
"Yes. For us."
What the fuck.
She opened her mouth to say something but could not find the words. Mi-rae finished her glass too and refilled it quickly. An amused smile played on his lips as he watched her.
"Not bad for some kid from an orphanage, huh?"
Mi-rae set her glass down and grabbed his hand.
"My love, but we don't need that! Between what we've both saved, it's already far beyond anything I ever dreamed of when I started working. We are already so lucky."
His brow furrowed.
"It's not luck. It's because we know what we're doing and we've worked our asses off. And we seized opportunities when they were there."
Ji-pyeong pulled his hand away and rubbed at his neck.
"Yoon Seon-hak is right. It is the opportunity of a lifetime. If I can do it, then shouldn't I try?"
There was an inexplicable pit in her stomach. Ji-pyeong had talked about this company many times since that press conference. But this was the first time that she had watched him talk himself into actually doing it. Her mind raced while imagining what that would mean for their lives.
"What's the runway for taking it public?"
Ji-pyeong shrugged.
"It depends on how well we can raise funds and how quickly we can expand. At least five years. Probably closer to ten."
Five? Ten?
Mi-rae took a deep breath and met her husband's intense gaze. And then she said the only thing that she could say.
"I believe in you, my love. If this is what you want to do then I will support you any way that I can."
Ji-pyeong let out a deep breath.
"Well I haven't decided anything yet. Part of me just wants to stick with what I know and keep it easy — either with SK remotely or with a fund here."
Mi-rae slipped her hand into his. Ji-pyeong lowered his head to catch her gaze. Now his voice was soft.
"I will admit that the idea of starting something so huge so soon after us just being settled makes me nervous. The hours would be a lot I'm sure. We just found each other. And we have our own dreams."
Her heart clenched.
It makes me nervous too.
All of a sudden everything about this night felt fleeting. The quiet of a Friday evening together. The weekend stretching before them with endless possibilities. And then a gauzy, shapeless dream of a table bursting with children flashed through her mind. Mi-rae swallowed hard.
Why are you thinking about that now? One thing has nothing to do with the other.
She let out a breath and looked down at the nail now scratching away at the side of her thumb.
We'll figure it out.
Mi-rae pressed her lips together to will selfishness away.
"Ji-pyeong, if we had not met would you think twice about this opportunity?"
He let out a little laugh and squeezed her hand.
"Mi-rae, if I had not met you, I'd be picking up the pieces of my career off the floor right now courtesy of Erskin Dusk.
He gave her a lopsided smile. Mi-rae lowered her head.
"Answer the question."
He glanced away and then swallowed.
"No. I would do it. No question."
Mi-rae tried to keep her voice steady.
"Then maybe that's your answer."
Ji-pyeong studied her face for signs of a certainty that she did not feel. But Mi-rae smiled back anyway. She would not allow her misgivings to influence his decision. And then she closed her hand over his.
"You never have to worry about us, my love. But take some time to think about what you want. Not what SK wants, not what the market wants. You. And then we will take it from there."
His eyes filled with emotion. And then her heart rushed with love for him. If this was truly his dream, then she would do whatever she needed to make it come true. Mi-rae raised his hand to her lips and kissed it.
Then his phone started buzzing.
"Pizza!"
He grinned and scrambled up to his feet. As Mi-rae watched him walk away and disappear behind the stairwell door, a lilting breeze played with her hair. She rubbed her bare arms despite its warm caress. The sky was pitch black now. The moon had abandoned them.
Should I have said something more?
Mi-rae shook her head. He had to make this decision for himself. If Ji-pyeong did not try because of her misgivings then someday he may look back on it and resent her. But she could not help but feel like everything was suddenly fragile — the calm of this night, the green of the plants all around the patio, the warm summer air.
Summer is almost over.
Mi-rae sighed and tried to focus on enjoying it. She breathed in the night air deeply. And then her husband was walking towards her again, holding a pizza box aloft like a trophy. His shirt was now untucked and his hair had fallen partly into his forehead. His dimples were endlessly deepening for her.
God I love him so much.
Her husband set the box down on the chaise lounge with a flourish.
"Don Fillipo to the rescue!"
Mi-rae giggled and filled their glasses with more wine. Ji-pyeong opened the box and offered her a slice with a sheepish smile.
"Not exactly the dinner I had planned for my wife."
Mi-rae leaned forward and pecked his cheek before accepting his offering.
"Sometimes things turn out even better than you plan my love. It's a beautiful summer night. You can actually see the stars in New York City. And I have you and the second best pizza on the upper east side."
He gasped.
"It's better than Nick's!"
Mi-rae raised an eyebrow skeptically. Then she took a bite and chewed with mock thoughtfulness. Ji-pyeong narrowed his eyes, preparing for a debate.
"Don Fillipo's crust is better."
Mi-rae simply smiled as she took another bite.
"It is!"
Mi-rae shrugged. But then his obvious outrage made her giggle. She looked him up and down with pride.
"Look at you with your New York City opinions. I love it."
Ji-pyeong fought a smile as he picked up another slice. The circle steadily disappeared as they ate in content silence. Mi-rae finished another glass of wine. The heady buzz was as welcomed as the food in her belly. She watched her husband as he looked around the patio. He was deep in thought. She was eager to climb inside of his head.
"Are you thinking about your tomatoes or this company?"
Ji-pyeong grimaced slightly. Then he carefully cleaned his hands with a napkin.
"The company. Sorry."
"Don't be. Talk to me."
Ji-pyeong filled their glasses with more wine. Her fingerprints were now smudged on the sides of her glass, once again pink. Ji-pyeong took a sip and then met her gaze.
"I am just thinking about how to structure it all over here."
A pang reverberated in her chest.
He has already decided.
Mi-rae took a deep breath.
"Is there anything to write with up here?"
Ji-pyeong blinked in confusion.
"Um... hold on." He surveyed the patio with a furrowed brow. "Maybe over there where Mr. Ford does the crossword."
He walked over to the patio table and chairs and searched a small wicker box until he held up a short blunted pencil triumphantly. The way Ji-pyeong rushed back over to Mi-rae like an excited child made her laugh. Then she closed the empty pizza box and turned it over to its blank side.
She began drawing.
"You'll want to incorporate as a C-corp. That will enable you to offer equity more easily to early investors and reinvest earnings at a better tax rate. Focus on headquartering in Raleigh, Nashville, or Austin first. Boston and the Bay Area will be cost prohibitive but North Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas are cheaper on all fronts and are offering significant tax incentives to biotech startups right now. Those three cities have the advantage over others of proximity to huge research universities."
Ji-pyeong watched her hand moving across the white cardboard in silence.
"You are going to need to prioritize paying for quality legal advice up front because of the IP. Just suck it up. I'll help you find someone good who won't bleed you dry. But the company has to own the patents outright — not the researchers or they can walk with them."
He nodded and pointed to the box where she had drawn a pie of the share portions.
"And what would you propose I ask for as CEO?"
Mi-rae leaned forward to command his attention.
"You have the controlling shares or no dice. And no vesting stock. You want to own your shares outright now. Trade it for no salary if you have to. If the upside is what you think it is, it will be worth the hit in the short term and you're also protected against any future issues. My monthly partnership draw will keep us steady so we don't have to dip into savings."
Mi-rae turned the box around for his inspection. She crossed a line through the minority shares.
"And restrict share transfers. You don't want to get stuck in bed with someone you can't work with. There's way more to consider but that's a start."
Ji-pyeong's fingers lifted to his lips as his eyes raced back and forth across what she had written. His thumb traced his lip thoughtfully as he processed it all. And then he lifted his eyes to her face.
"You're amazing." He was nearly breathless with wonder. "I want to work with you."
Mi-rae threw her head back and laughed.
"We've been down that road before, my love. Plus you can't afford me. No startup can."
Ji-pyeong narrowed his eyes and jerked his chin at her.
"Come on, surely in-house must be different. Imagine us together. I'm serious."
His eyelids were heavy. She chuckled as she inspected his face.
"No, you're tipsy."
Ji-pyeong pursed his lips in an unconvincing protest.
"How much?"
"I am now billing at $1895 an hour."
He sucked air in sharply. Mi-rae leaned closer and batted her eyelashes.
"But if you keep cooking for me, I'll give you advice on the downlow for free."
He smirked as his eyes ticked up and down her face.
"That's not exactly a shrewd position considering how tonight turned out."
His fingers found her ankle and began tracing a circle around the bone. Then his index finger dragged up her calf.
"And what if I want all of your time? What do I need to trade for then?"
Her stomach fluttered at his touch. She felt drunk on wine and his attention. Mi-rae licked her lips and leaned in closer.
"I'm sure you'll think of something."
A smile flickered across his lips. And then his hand closed around her ankle and pulled. Mi-rae gasped as her back suddenly met the cushion. Wine splashed onto her shirt.
"You made me spill my wine!"
Ji-pyeong stretched out next to her as she giggled. He frowned apologetically as he traced the splotch of pink on her white t-shirt just above her breast.
"I'm very sorry, Interpol."
Mi-rae giggled even harder as she slipped one hand into his hair. Her wine glass remained precariously hanging in the air in the other. She looked up at her husband who was now blocking the sky. His eyes were dancing with affection. His dimples were infinite. His lips were so pink and curved in seduction. The wine bewitched her tongue into saying exactly what she was thinking.
"I love your face."
A puff of air escaped from his lips. Ji-pyeong looked at her for what felt like forever and a precious moment slipping away all at the same time. Her husband could bend time like that. The universe became a map folded into itself where there was nowhere else that she wanted to be but with him.
Ji-pyeong gently took the wine glass from her hand and set it down on the ground. And then he groaned as he rolled onto his back and pulled her with him. Her head settled back onto his chest. The usual peach haze of the city lights was dispersed tonight. Stars pricked like flickering candles desperate to outlast the night.
"I've never seen so many stars here. They were rare in Seoul too. Sometimes I could just make them out while walking home along the river. But I never really stopped to appreciate them."
His voice sounded almost wistful. She turned her cheek against his chest.
"Do you miss Seoul?"
Ji-pyeong let out a breath. Her cheek sank down with his sternum.
"Only a little." His hand found her arm and began tracing lines up and down the length of it. "I miss my walks along the river. But there's a river here too and I have someone to walk with now. It's just funny what you don't realize you'll miss until it's gone."
Mi-rae sat up with a bolt and pulled out her phone. She opened the apps function and quickly found what she was looking for. In a moment, it was downloaded.
"Okay, point to something in the sky and ask me what it is."
Ji-pyeong slid an arm under his head, bemused.
"What?"
Mi-rae pointed her phone to a steadily pulsing light next to two fainter twinkling ones.
"Yep, you were right. That's Venus. And that's Orion above it to the right. See the three stars in a row that are the belt?"
Ji-pyeong raised himself up on his elbows, curious.
"Is that an app?"
Mi-rae nodded.
"Chris's youngest daughter used to be obsessed with astronomy. He used to send her stuff to look up whenever we were stuck late at the office or traveling. Point to something else."
Ji-pyeong peered at her phone over her shoulder.
"Is it subscription based?"
Mi-rae rolled her eyes.
"Oh stop thinking about the business model!" She nudged his shoulder and pointed to the left. "Okay, how about that one? Planet or star?"
He squinted.
"Planet. It's not twinkling enough."
Mi-rae held her phone up.
"Yep! It's Saturn. I bet if we had a telescope we could see the rings tonight." She offered her phone to him. "Do you want to try it?"
He grazed her fingers as he took it from her. Ji-pyeong's eyes searched her face.
"You used to do this as a kid didn't you?"
How does he always do that?
Her cheeks warmed as Ji-pyeong smiled knowingly. Mi-rae looked down at her hands.
"I had this circular chart made out of cardboard. It was blue and white and you had to turn the dial according to the date."
She looked back up at his face. And then her hands fanned out into the air above them.
"But my grandfather could recognize all the constellations just by looking up at the sky. He used them to figure out where he was going like a map whenever he was night fishing."
Ji-pyeong held the phone up to the sky and peered through the screen.
"It's a map that's right there. We just rarely look up."
Mi-rae traced the outline of his profile.
Then why can't I see which way to go?
The stars offered no ready answers tonight. And so Mi-rae picked her glass of wine up and took a long drink as he pointed the phone at different objects in the sky. And then when her glass was empty, she leaned her head back against the cushion and looked up at the lights pricking the darkness until Ji-pyeong settled his head back next to her. She felt like she could just drift away as his fingers threaded through hers. The red string around his wrist rubbed against the delicate skin inside of hers.
"Isn't it crazy to think about how we are just looking at light from billions of years ago? It's just the past echoing across the universe. I wonder if some of these stars even exist anymore."
It made Mi-rae's head fuzzy to even think about. But then the idea that some of these beautiful points of light no longer existed filled her with a strange melancholy.
"That makes me a little sad. As a girl I always imagined what it would be like to travel to some of these stars. Or I took comfort that they would always be there to help my grandfather find his way home by morning. But they're really just a bunch of memories ... fading into nothingness."
They stared up at the sky in silence for several minutes.
And then Mi-rae turned her head to look at her husband. He was so damn handsome and he was waxing romantically about science. She could not help but hiccup a tiny laugh. Ji-pyeong turned to look at her.
"What?"
A smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth now too. Mi-rae turned her body to face him.
"You have no business being so poetic while looking at the stars. And after you cooked me dinner!" She pouted dramatically and pushed at his shoulder. "Stop it. Just let me live."
Ji-pyeong laughed. But even in the darkness she could see that he was blushing. Then he squinted his eyes and nodded his head at her.
"You just say that because you love me."
Mi-rae reached up to cup his face with both hands.
"Well I can't deny that."
A smile stretched across his lips. And then Ji-pyeong slowly closed the space between them until he captured her smile with his.
Mi-rae closed her eyes to the twinkling lights around them. And to the ones calling from the past above them like signposts on a map that she could not read. Instead, she placed both her hands on her husband's face and kissed him. She tugged on his lips until they opened. She breathed in sandalwood. She slipped her tongue between his lips like an explorer coaxing a new path ahead. Her fingers scratched into his hair and pulled him closer.
She held onto him now because he was here and he was hers and it made her dizzy just to press her mouth to his. And taste the wine on his lips. And feel the weight of his body press down on her. She smiled at the tentative flutter of his fingers on her belly before he gently made his way up to her breast as if he had not done it a hundred times before. She kissed him and she kissed him and she kissed him. And she drifted away from that swirl of uncertainty in a haze of want and love.
He finally broke away. And then the stars were framing the dark shape of his head above her like a thousand questions. He asked her the only one that she could answer.
"Do you want to go downstairs?"
She nodded as Ji-pyeong pushed her hair back from her face. And then just as he began to pull away she grabbed his arm with a sudden bolt of desperation.
"I love you, Ji-pyeong."
It just burst from her lips urgently as her fingers curled around his forearm. He looked at her, surprised.
"Ji-pyeong? You only call me that when you're annoyed."
He sounded amused. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling silly. But then Ji-pyeong was pulling her to her feet and into his arms. His face burrowed into her hair.
"I love you too."
He said it like it was the most wonderfully obvious fact in the world. And then Ji-pyeong pulled her along with him as he collected the empty glasses and wine bottle. Mi-rae picked up the pizza box.
"Wait!"
She froze.
"Let me take a picture of what you mapped out."
Mi-rae looked down at her simple drawings and laughed.
"My love, I can lay this all out for you tomorrow on something better than a pizza box."
Ji-pyeong shook his head stubbornly as he slipped his phone out of his pocket.
"Nope, just hold it up."
And then he clicked his camera. They left the bottle and box behind and made their way back down the stairwell. As Mi-rae slid her keys back into their front door, Ji-pyeong leaned his head against the doorframe.
"Do you really think I can do it?"
His voice sounded so small now. She lifted her eyes. His hair was over his forehead in full rebellion against his usually precise styling. His eyes were wide and questioning. Her chest ached at how he suddenly looked a little lost.
Mi-rae lifted her hand to his cheek. And she steeled her voice for them both.
"Never for one moment have I ever questioned whether you can do it. And neither should you."
Ji-pyeong swallowed hard. And then he stood a little taller.
But that's not the right question. It's whether you really want to.
Mi-rae bit her lip to keep from saying it. Then Ji-pyeong pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I think I must be a little drunk. I'm sorry that I'm bringing this up again and again ... and especially right now. I don't know why I keep —-"
Mi-rae kissed him. She was tipsy too. And she welcomed the deceptive clarity that came with it. She pleaded with him to stop thinking. Because she wanted to stop thinking. She wanted to silence these doubts. And the only way she knew how was to be with him.
Mi-rae slid her hand down to press against his chest. And then she whispered to his mouth, still open and wet.
"Come inside, my love."
The door opened as he kissed her back, hard. And then they were stumbling backwards into the apartment. Loki meowed at them furiously. Ji-pyeong broke away and started laughing. Mi-rae seized the collar of his shirt to pull him towards the bedroom as she reprimanded the cat.
"Loki, shhh! Be quiet!"
They dissolved into a fit of giggles as Loki jumped up onto the coach to more loudly register his complaints about their absence. Mi-rae grabbed Ji-pyeong's hand and tried to outrun Loki into the bedroom. The map from Milos, now trapped under glass and wood and hung on a wall with nowhere to guide them, passed by her eyes in a blur. But the wily black cat beat them to the bed and jumped onto it triumphantly.
Ji-pyeong scooped him up.
"Absolutely not!"
And then he deposited the cat outside the bedroom and shut the door loudly behind him. Mi-rae covered her mouth, laughing, as he strode towards her already unbuttoning his shirt. Ji-pyeong was fighting a smile as he shed the black button down to the floor. She remained motionless as she stared, distracted by the sight of his bare chest. But then he grabbed her roughly by the waist.
"You have too many clothes on."
It sounded like a growl. His hands pulled at her t-shirt until she complied and raised her arms in the air. He peeled it off with a flourish.
"Goodbye Interpol!"
Mi-rae giggled as he then kissed her. And then his hands were yanking at the drawstring of her pants. They were soon pooling at her feet.
"Goodbye pants!"
She circled her arms around his neck as she muffled laughter against his jaw. Ji-pyeong made quick work of his pants and underwear and then he lifted her up and onto the bed. He bid a dramatic farewell to her bra and underwear too as he tossed them across the room. Her hands covered her face as she laughed. Her cheeks hurt from smiling. She felt giddy and silly and most of all, loved.
And then he was above her. Mi-rae looked up at his face. And then the lightness in her chest slipped into a bittersweet ache. She passed her thumb slowly across his cheek. She loved this face so much — the one that made her heart feel like it was exploding when she came home every night. The face that laughed with her while it turned the ordinary into magic. The face that looked to her for support and guidance like she was his equal in every way. The face that was looking at her right now with such longing as he pressed his way inside. She lifted her lips to his as she welcomed him. And then she wrapped her arms and legs around his body to beckon him to stay.
Mi-rae spread her hands across Ji-pyeong's back as he began to move inside of her. He was the only map that she could read right now. She knew when to roll her hips to meet his. She knew when to press her mouth to his neck and make him moan. She knew when to sink her fingers into his backside to pull him deeper. Like this, the questions and answers were simple. He wanted more of her and she lifted her hips. She wanted more of him and he pressed deeper. Their bodies tangled together in an endless exchange of truths.
It was perfect.
But then it was slipping right through her fingers — his breath quickened, his hips moved faster, his hands tightened desperately around her hips.
"Mi-rae... Mi-rae..."
She knew what her name meant, when they were like this. The end was coming.
Mi-rae closed her eyes and held him as tightly as she could. And as she listened to her name on his lips, she tried to hold onto this moment — how his body felt moving under her hands, the silken caress of his hair against her cheek, the sweet press of him deep inside, how his voice was a low hum in her ear, the scent of his cologne mixed with sweat that could only mean them, like this.
Mi-rae jealously folded the memory inside her chest as she wrapped her legs around his hips to keep him close.
She would not allow it to fade into nothingness.
*********
You can listen to the following tracks as the soundtrack to Chapter Four at the links below or on Spotify Playlists under "Moments With You."
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5YbkITjkPlj2ncpA3AINc4?si=63d50d4124f547c0
Iron & Wine "Call It Dreaming"
https://youtu.be/oAII1Ls3iBQ
Scotch Mist "yeahyeahyeah":
https://youtu.be/zIKviWP7BK8
Death Cab for Cutie "Transatlanticism"
https://youtu.be/-3b6hDCIeDk
Taylor Swift "Maroon"
https://youtu.be/lvHZjvIyqsk