Neil paused before entering the restaurant. He straightened his tie, ran a hand through his combed-back hair. He tried to stop himself from shaking.
With one last deep breath, he walked through the glass double doors.
The hostess greeted him. "Hi, how are you this morning?" Her nametag read Tessa.
Neil's voice failed as he tried to respond. He swallowed, then tried again. "I'm good, thanks...um, I have a reservation under Perry."
Tessa took a second to rifle through her reservation book, found 'Perry', and looked to Neil with a smile. "Table for two?"
He replied in the affirmative.
"Just follow me," she said, and dashed off into the restaurant.
Neil followed her practiced pace with some difficulty, weaving his way past tables with expensive-looking decor.
Until eventually his eyes landed on a familiar face. A face ingrained, burned in his memory, a face that haunted all of his regrets and insecurities. Neil thought of all the sleep lost over that judging, terrible face. How long had it been since he'd seen it? Years, at least. Neil tried to forget.
He considered all the hate he should feel towards it, towards him. But it was impossible to make himself hate this man, because deep down, there was a dwindling, dying layer of love and devotion that he couldn't bring himself to let go of just yet.
"Hello Father," Neil said blankly. He sat himself down, willing his face to remain neutral.
"Neil," Mr. Perry nodded his hello, sipping on a black coffee.
"How have you been?" Neil hated the formality he always maintained around his father. Could he not have had a Dad that watched movies with him or played catch in the yard? Why must he be cursed with a careless businessman of a parent?
"I've been...well." He lowered his voice slightly. "Your mother and I are a little tight on money these days."
Neil heard all the words he didn't say. If only you'd been a doctor, we'd all be living comfortably. This is your fault.
He replied civilly. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"Yes, well, let's not dwell on it."
Neil hid behind his menu.
Eggs, bacon, toast, one or two? Cola, ginger-ale. Decisions, decisions.
Mr. Perry cleared his throat. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
Neil knew better than to beat around the bush with his answer. He inhaled, lower his menu, and spoke deliberately. "Todd and I are getting married."
He cast a judging look Neil's way. "Yes, I knew that," he stated emotionlessly.
"But...how did you know?"
"Your...fiancé, " he practically spat the word. "Called me to ask for my blessing before he...proposed."
Neil's face lit up. Was it possible his father would support him? Dare he believe it?
"And you gave him permission? Father, that's fantastic-"
"I said no."
Neil's face fell. He silently cursed himself for getting his hopes up. "Oh," he said, and in that instant, he felt quite small.
Mr. Perry let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh," he mocked. And then he leaned forward and hushed his voice to a tense whisper, hardly audible against the clanking of silverware. "Why did you ask me here? It's bad enough that you abandoned your family, and now you bring me to this expensive restaurant to...what? Do make a fool out of me? To rub it in?"
How dare you be more successful than I am, he said. How dare you find happiness when I could not?
Neil mirrored his Father's posture. "I am not trying to make a fool out of you," he defended.
"Then why? This could've been a phone call."
Neil paused.
"I wanted to take you out somewhere nice, to catch up..." he said, voice low and timid. "You...you didn't want to see me?"
Neil felt the threat of tears begin to sting the corners of his eyes, but he forced himself to blink them away.
He stared his father down with a look of defeat as it dawned upon him that he had never seen Neil as anything more than a blank canvas that was his for the painting. And the canvas had no use if it was torn or missing.
"No, Neil. It's just such an inconvenience. Your mother is-"
"Are we ready to order?" said the server, suddenly appearing at the table.
"Yes, I'll take the eggs benedict," said Mr. Perry, suddenly straightening up.
"I'll just have some toast," Neil said, suddenly losing his appetite. The server rushed off and Neil tried to shake off his feeling of dread. He still had a point to be made.
"I had hoped to invite you to the wedding," he said. Under the table, he tapped his foot on the carpet.
Mr. Perry almost laughed. "A...homosexual wedding? Neil, I couldn't."
"Father, your only child is getting married."
"Neil..." Mr. Perry cautioned. Neil ignored him.
"I think that would at least warrant a visit!"
"Do not raise your voice at me!" Mr. Perry commanded.
"Father, I'm almost twenty-six. I'm not a child anymore, and you can't control me."
"I am your Father and you will show me respect!"
Neil paused. "You're right," he said, lowering his voice and reeling himself in. "I will show you respect. Because you are a fellow human being, and I am a better person than you. I care about the people around me. I love my family, Todd included. But if you believe I will show you respect because you are my father, you are mistaken, because you have never been a father to me."
Mr. Perry flushed red with anger, but Neil wasn't done.
"I wanted to reconnect with you, I wanted you to be there on the most important day of my life. But you only see me as a failure, not a person, so you are no longer welcome, at my wedding or in my life."
"Here," Neil said, pulling a couple hundred dollars from his wallet. "Pay for breakfast, pay for the ride home, buy mom a new ring, I don't care. Just take this money and never talk to me again. It should be easy, since I'm such an inconvenience to you."
Mr. Perry froze. The amount Neil was holding out to him was more than he got paid in a month.
But he took the money, and wordlessly, Neil left.
He expected a grief or a pain, but as Neil walked away from his father, all he could feel was a sense of relief.
"I'm so sorry it didn't go well," Todd said, folding the clean load of laundry. "But that still leaves us with the problem of who's going to walk you down the aisle."
Neil flopped on the couch. "We could switch, I could stand on the altar and Jeffrey could walk you down the aisle."
"Jeff's the officiant, he can't do both."
'We'll hire a priest."
Todd raised an eyebrow at him, and Neil broke into a fit of laughter. "Okay, no priest. I'll walk down the aisle by myself."
"That doesn't feel right, though. I want someone to."
"Charlie?"
"Neil, I love you, but that was a bad idea."
"It's the only idea! Unless you've got a better one?"
Todd considered this. He stared out the window, onto the city streets, and thought to himself. Until suddenly he sprang up. "I've got it!" he declared, before racing to the phone.
"Who are you calling?" Neil asked excitedly.
"The Captain himself."
Neil smiled.