𝑯𝒊. 𝑩𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏, 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝑽𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒛𝒐'𝒔 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝑺𝒆𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒏. 𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅.
𝑳𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆
𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈𝑹𝒐.
𝐋𝐢𝐚
Running back to the kitchen, I suddenly realized Seb had called me Luc's woman.
How the devil did he know about us? We've only been together for two weeks and only very few people knew or suspected we had a thing.
Our mothers weren't even sure, not to mention the patriarchs had no inkling as to what was happening under their noses, but that is perhaps because they couldn't imagine it happening.
Entering the kitchen, I found Seb had served me. A glass of white wine beside the plate.
"Awww.." I whispered, throwing him a short glance before sitting down.
It looked delicious, and I told him so. I cut a piece of the chicken, my mouth savouring the juices; the pasta mingling with everything in my mouth tasted like a piece of heaven.
He didn't eat. He sat there opposite me watching me, another can of beer sitting beside him. Zion and Serena had not resurfaced, but I didn't care. They would eventually show their faces once they were done talking or whatever.
"Why are you not eating?"
"I'm not hungry," he said, pinching the edge of his nose. I narrowed my eyes at him. How could he not be hungry when we had been at the shooting location almost all day?
"Don't be so suspicious. I will eat later," he mumbled, stretching his arms on the table, his fingers almost touching my plate, a speculative glance on his face.
"I don't care what's going on in that mind of yours, but I need to know how you know about Luc and me."
He smirked, leaning back, arms off the table, and then stretching them on the top rails of the seats next to him.
"How did you know? From Zion?"
He sobered up, growling as if he remembered something irritating about my brother.
"Zion doesn't tell me shit."
I smiled. I don't know why I did, but it felt good to know Zion didn't tell him.
"Then how did you know?"
"I knew three years ago." He smirked again, slowly shaking the can of beer, a knowing glint in his eyes."
"Three years ago?" I frowned. Puzzled because Lu c and I did relatively well avoiding each other during that period, especially if the family was around, which was the only time we found ourselves in the same room. Not until the last two weeks that we began our secret relationship, or so we thought.
"Luca and I weren't together three years ago," I said dryly, pushing the plate to the side after I finished eating.
He bit his lip, smiling. "Yeah, I know. You avoided him like he had leprosy. "
I widened my eyes, bemused that he had caught on to that. It was true; I avoided Luc every single time we were home together, so much so that it became a habit.
But how had Seb known that? And if he did notice, how many people in my family caught on the same?
"How did you know? " I asked, thinking it was better to ask than speculate.
"Three years ago, my family and I spent Christmas at your home."
"Yes, so?"
"It was suggested that we take a photo before sunset," he said, taking a sip of his beer. He seemed like he was enjoying this, the way his eyes gleamed, the slight smile at the corner of his lips.
"Hmm," I mumbled, prompting him to continue.
"I stood behind you. I was shorter then. I put my chin on your shoulder," he went silent, nodding a little as if he was asking whether I remembered.
"But before the flash went off, Luc pulled me back, moved me beside him and took my spot."
Suddenly, it all came back to me. Luc's head on my shoulder, his body enveloping mine, that quick touch of his lips on my neck before withdrawing, so light, yet so intimate and intentional, I knew immediately it wasn't a mistake.
"That doesn't mean anything," I objected, even though I was reliving that moment in my mind and heart. I have liked and loved Luc for so long that it feels like he is part of my body.
"Yes, it does considering I saw him smelling your neck with his eyes closed."
I groaned out loud, covering my face partly with embarrassment and to hide my reaction, which I was sure would have been more telling.
"No he did not," I almost yelled.
"Yes, he did. Plus, he had this longing in his eyes when you ran off back to the house after the photo."
"Oh, my God! I whimpered, remembering Luc's longing face. It is intense; I saw it numerous times in our days together.
"Oh, good God! Our fathers might know too."
Sebastian gave me a comical glance.
"What?" I mouthed, covering my mouth in distress.
He said nothing. He just looked at me as if I was his evening entertainment.
"What?" I asked again.
"You really thought they don't know?"
I shrugged.
He shook his head slightly as if he thought I was unbelievable.
"They know. They definitely know." he added.
"No they don't. If they did, they would have said something already." I continued fiercely, feeling sheepish at how I thought none of them knew about it.
They didn't know. I told myself over and over, unconsciously chipping off my nails. If they did, our moms would have been sure instead of asking.
Lifting my head up, I eyed Seb with a relieved grin, " they don't know." I said with authority.
"You know how I know that?"
He gave me a mocking smile. Damn him for enjoying my misery.
"No. But I'm sure you're about to tell me." he said, jumping up and going to the fridge. My eyes stayed steady on him, determined to prove him wrong.
"A couple of days ago, out moms asked us whether we were dating. If our dads knew, they wouldn't have asked us."
"What if they wanted you to confirm," he shrugged, "you know, hear it from the horses' mouth."
Oh shit! I groaned inwardly. He might be right about that.
"But they were disappointed when we said no." Seb turned toward me so slowly it could have been in slow motion if it was cinematic, furrowed eyebrows, one hand on the fridge door while the other tightly clasped another can of beer.
"You lied?" he asked in a calm tone, too calm it sounded threatening.
"We couldn't have said yes." I defended.
"Why the hell not?"
"We are not ready to tell them."
"Again, why the hell now?"
"You wouldn't understand it even if I spelt it out for you."
"Is that your way of saying I'm stupid?" my throat let out a helpless grating sound.
"Nooo," I motioned with my hand. "But I don't like how you seem to judge us."
"Then you got it wrong, I'm not judging you. I just don't understand why you can't tell your, family."
"Have you told your family about everyone you've had a relationship with?" I challenged getting up instantly, shoving him aside so I could pull out water from the fridge.
I hated cold water, especially a time like now when it was chilly, but I needed something to keep me alert, like my teeth chattering as if they wanted out.
"Relationship?" he gave me a mocking smile.
"I'm twenty-one. I only have fuck buddies."
That sounded so gross to my ears that I glared at him disgustingly.
He wasn't fazed; he snickered and went back to his seat.
"How can you say that with a straight face?"
He narrowed his eyes, and I continued to glare. I pulled out a glass from one of the cabinets, rinsed it and poured water into it. I could feel his presence, but Sebastian did not speak. He was waiting for me to pick up the conversation of why Luc and I thought we shouldn't tell our family we were dating. But before I could continue, I needed to hear about this fuck buddies business.
How in satan's crazy hot fire did people have casual sex relationships?"
"Do you pay?" I asked in a low voice, sliding back to my seat.
His brows furrowed, "pay what?"
"Your fuck buddies?"
He looked as if he was revulsed. "I don't pay for sex," he stated, glowering at me.
"How many have you had?"
"None of your business," he replied casually.
"Dont you feel anything for them...when you're...you know? "
His mouth stretched s if amused by my question. Which had me wondering whether I was a prude.
"No. I don't feel anything. We both get what we want."
I nodded, then added, "which is?"
"Mutual satisfaction."
If nothing else, I was glad I did not blush. I guess I really was a prude.
I wondered whether it was just me or if there were more women out there who were cursed to only always want one man in life.
"Hmm,"
Silence followed. I'm not sure what Seb was thinking about, but I thought of Luc and the women he has been with.
As if he had read my mind, he muttered into the silence, "I met Caterina once. " I wanted to pretend I had not heard, but that would have given him the impression that I was jealous, not that he would be wrong.
"In a Milan nightclub." he continued without waiting for me to say anything.
"I met her once too, when Luc got into that accident." I answered in the same tone. I don't know why we were whispering as if the mere mention of her name was ominous. "She is beautiful." I cleared my voice as if to cover what I had just said.
He chuckled, "yes, and a bitch."
I laughed too. "I'm a bitch too."
"Yes, you're. But you're my favourite kind." That made me feel better amid a conversation of a gorgeous woman who happened to be the ex of the man I adored.
I didn't speak for a while, Seb did though, lifting his face to mine.
"I spent an hour with her and Luc, and he didn't look at her as if his world revolved around her; neither did he care that men flirted with her in his presence or that she flirted back. Something tells me he would react very differently if the same happened to you."
"Really?" my voice shook, and Seb nodded, then said, "yes. Don't be afraid to talk to them; I know Luc wouldn't mind."
"How do you know it wasn't his idea not to tell?"
"It wasn't?" he said with conviction.
"Are you saying it was mine alone?"
He looked me dead in the eyes and said, yes."
He was right, in part— but not entirely. Even though I knew Luc would agree with any decision I made, I was still cautious, somewhat afraid that we might not last, just like when we were fourteen, which had me covering my face with my hands with the reminder that the patriarchs might know that I was sleeping with their heir.
I let out a frustrated laugh." what?"
"I just remembered that there is a probability that my dad knows I'm sleeping with Luc."
"Not a probability; he knows for sure." Sebastian got up, came around where I was and kissed my hair. "Good night," he said, then left.
I sat there for a few more minutes, then got up and left too, heading to my bedroom. I knew I would toss and turn before falling asleep.
I realized that I had a decision to make. I needed to accept that whatever happened in the past cannot be changed, so the future isn't influenced by that one action.
I loved Luc; that was a fact when I was fourteen and now. I must forgive him for what my heart term as abandonment if we are to move on without the ghost of it hovering over my shoulders.
We may not end up together, I thought as I felt panic in my stomach, a feeling so profoundly heartbreaking it filled my eyes with tears, but we had now. And it was glorious.