Dazai pov
I hum to myself as I walk through the hallway. Life right now is actually pretty good. My grades are starting to get back up. It's not that I'm not smart, I just don't really have the energy to pay attention in class or do any of the work. But Chuuya is actually a really good tutor, he's helping me a lot. For someone so grouchy all the time, he's actually pretty pleasant to be around.
"Dazai!" I hear from behind me. I turn to see the same 5-foot redhead I was just thinking about charging towards me.
"Morning, Chuuya!" I wave. "How'd you sleep?"
He raises an eyebrow. "Do you genuinely care about that?"
"No."
"Nevermind, I was hanging out with Tachihara yesterday, and-"
"Oh, what happened?" I lean forward a bit.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH?" He growls.
I raise my hands defensively. "Sorry, sorry, calm down. Please continue."
He huffs a breath. "Anyway, I was hanging out yesterday and I tried to be, like, flirty or whatever the hell you were talking about."
"And?"
"I think he likes me maybe...? Well, I mean, cause like, I was like brushing up against him and shit, I don't know, I think he blushed? Why is it so hard to teeeelll..." He drifts off and stares at the rows of lockers.
I look at him. "Okay, do you have any other friends?"
He glares at me. "Yeah, duh."
"Well, just ask them to ask him if he likes you. Simple. If you're not smart enough to do something yourself, rely on others." I wink.
"Oh, that actually makes sense."
"See? What would you do without me?"
"Plenty of things..." He mutters. "So, I guess do you wanna meet in the library again tomorrow after school for tutoring? I have basketball today."
"Sure."
He nods at me and turns away, disappearing into the crowd of high schoolers. I breathe a sigh of relief. What the fuck is wrong with you, Dazai, he likes somebody else...
I know he likes another person. And I know he thinks I'm annoying. And he'll never see me that way. And that I'm literally supposed to be helping him ask the other guy out. But some part of me still...
The first bell interrupts my thoughts and I quicken my pace to make it to my first class in time. Drown your feelings, Dazai. They don't matter. They never have.
...
It's a nice day out, unusually warm for October. The sky is perfectly cloudless and blue. I set my bag down on the grass and sit down, leaning against the base of a tree.
"Dazai!" I hear Atsushi's voice and look up to see him grinning down at me. A headband with cat ears is perched on his head.
"Why are you wearing that?" I squint up at him.
"Oh, did you forget?" He asks, giving me a disappointed face. "It's Halloween!"
"Oh." I stopped celebrating Halloween years ago, even before I moved here. It just always felt trivial to me. Atsushi knows that, but every year he tries to get me into the spirit anyways. It doesn't work.
"You should come over tonight! We can hand out candy to little kids."
"The absolute last thing I want to do is sit on a concrete stoop for, like, 4 hours and hand out candy to 5-year-olds just so they can get diabetes."
"That's not how diabetes works." Atsushi frowns and sits down next to me.
"How do you know?"
"Well, technically I don't, but- you know what, nevermind. I'll get somebody else to hand out candy with me."
"I thought I was your only friend?" I smirk at him.
He sighs. "My sister then."
"Whatever you say."
We continue like this for the rest of the period, talking about little things like our classes and the people in our grade. When the bell rings I stand up, brushing the grass off of my legs.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I got a tutor." I tell Atsushi as we head back into the school building.
"You? I thought you didn't care about your grades."
"Yes, well I also promised to help him ask someone out, but he was too good-looking to just talk to once and then never again, so we made a deal."
Atsushi rolls his eyes. "Are you talking about that redheaded guy I saw you talking to the other day-"
"Wait." I stop Atsushi and point farther down the hallway, where a large group of students has gathered in a circle, looking at something in the middle. I can hear shouting. I jog towards the crowd and push my way through. Then, I recognize the person shouting.
"You wanna fucking say that again?" Chuuya stands in the middle of the circle, glaring up at two taller boys who sneer down at him. He's standing protectively in front of a pale boy with black hair that's dyed white at the tips. I saw them eating lunch together. He looks totally disinterested, and is staring at something in the distance, but Chuuya is completely riled up.
"Yeah, I will." One of the taller boys says. "Your friend. Is an absolute. Freak." He puckers his lips and spits on the floor right next to Chuuya's feet. "Whatcha gonna do about it, shrimp?"
Atsushi wedges himself in between me and another person. "What's going on- oh."
Chuuya looks absolutely furious, his bright blue eyes narrowed into slits. He seems totally oblivious to the crowd around him.
"Exactly. That's what I thought." The boy says, banding down and leaning towards Chuuya. "You're not even strong enough to protect your wimpy little fr-"
Chuuya's fist connects with his face, pushing him backwards into the other guy. "Keep talking, I dare you." He growls.
The guy stands up and flashes a grin before running at Chuuya. They topple onto the floor and the crowd yells, some calling for help, others rooting them on. I feel my face crack into a small smile. Despite his size, Chuuya is totally kicking this guy's ass.
I glance up to the other side of the circle to see that redheaded guy. The one Chuuya likes. He's staring, mesmerized as Chuuya slams his fists into the boy's face, over and over. His eyes are sparkling. I know that look.
"C'mon, let's get out of here before the teachers come." I pull Atsushi out of the crowd and we walk quickly away.
"Hey, wasn't that your tutor?" Atsushi asks, glancing behind him.
"Don't worry about it."
I can't place what I'm feeling right now, a mixture of giddiness and jealousy. But I can't get that guy's face out of my head. I know that look. He likes Chuuya, and I hate him for it.
...
I end up handing out candy with Atsushi since I have nothing better to do. When the trick-or-treaters stop coming, we go inside and watch a horror movie on his laptop. I had no idea that it was possible for him to be that scared by CGI zombies, but I guess it is. It's almost 11:00 when I start to head home.
The night has cooled down significantly since earlier, and it's actually starting to feel a bit like winter. I tug my jacket around me and jog home. When I reach my house, the lights inside are on. I thought she would be asleep by now. I take a breath and unlock the door.
My mom is sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the empty bottles on the table. She hears the door unlock and glances up.
"Where've you been?" She asks in her gruff voice.
"At Atsushi's." I start towards the staircase.
She snorts. "That's it?"
I look back at her. "I don't talk to people who are drunk."
She stands up and strides over to me. I get my height from her. She's well over six feet, and towers over everybody else in a room.
Her words come out slightly slurred."Are you telling me that I work my ass off every day to give you a comfortable home and food and a good education just so you can laugh in my face and treat me like a nuisance?"
"I never laughed."
"Remember who's the adult here. Remember who raised you and cared for you and fed you all these years." Her voice starts to rise until she's yelling. "You should be grateful for me! Imagine what I'm going through! I've had to live with an ungrateful son for years! I can't-" She breaks off and stares at the pictures on the wall behind me.
"I am grateful-" I try, but her hand whips up and smacks me in the face. It stings.
"Yeah, right." She seethes. "Just- just get out of here."
I start walking up the stairs. "Just don't go to bed too late, okay?" I call after me. No response.
I walk the rest of the way up to my room and close the door quietly behind me. My face still stings where she slapped me.
It's not fair. Everybody else has someone to rely on, someone who will help them when they're sad, when they need it, when they're hurting.
Why has no one ever been there for me?
What did I do?
Why don't I deserve someone like everybody else?
1539 words