Word Count: 9148
"You're a Pro Hero."
"I—I know, but—"
"Then you can do it. It's the least you could manage for me."
"That's not a good idea, after what you've just been through. Think about it, for a night."
"No. I don't want to waste my time. You're coming with me, end of story."
I'm sitting in the black car that had driven me to the funeral, hero costume in its case at my feet. I did not plan on going home yet, so this would stay at my side. Dad sits across from me, anxiously playing with his hands. He's alone now, he feel vulnerable. Mum went home right after our talk and what explanation she could give me. It felt like nothing, all the words they spoke flew right out the other ear. She had kissed my forehead and left, saying that I was still her daughter, that she still loved me.
But I felt as if none of that was true.
Dad is shifting in his spot. He looks out the window, seeing the buildings that lead us in the opposite direction of UA, towards Tartarus. He had told the driver to take us there instead, and with a hesitant nod, we were on our way. The air conditioning in the car cools down my heated skin as I stare at my lap.
"Are you sure you want to see him? This is so soon. I'm afraid you're making a decision without thinking it priperly though, Y/N." Dad asks me again, for the hundredth time these past few hours. It feels as if he's slowly pushing me to choose what he wants, for me to leave Kai alone forever now. "He may not even be in a state where he can talk to people."
I retort, staring out the window, "He'll talk. I'll make him talk if I have to."
"Y/N." Dad hums out, looking into my eyes with caution. I stare back at him, brows pointed. My fists stay on my lap. "Don't do anything rash. That man—"
"Will tell me what I ask him to." I cut him off, glaring out the window to the innocent pedestrians, "I... I just want to finish this and then go home."
A sparing glance to my father shows me that he has glossy eyes again. He knows what I mean. His bottom lip pulls towards his top lip in a frown and he looks as if he's been scolded by his parents. I would've never guessed he was a Pro Hero from this sight. "Do you think you could forgive us?" He asks me.
My dad has never really needed to ask for forgiveness from me. Everything he has done has been for a reason, and even if I didn't agree, he would try and talk me through it to find another way. He has said 'sorry' for missing my birthday for a villain attack, he cried his heart out the night I came home after summer camp, where he told me that he would try his hardest to keep me from any danger.
But look where that got me now. I will never get those pieces of me back, I may never feel whole again.
I don't know how to forgive them.
He was truly a great father, something that many people didn't have the luxury of saying about their own dads. Which I why I always forgave him after time was given, he deserved it with how well he raised me.
And there he sat across from me, hands on his knees as he bows his head at his daughter. He holds his position as the car pulls to a stop at a light. His shoulders shake with emotion, his voice cracking. I feel like I could suffocate with how tight my lungs are.
"Please forgive us, Y/N. We should've never lied to you, and we should've never severed your connection with your uncle." Dad apologises. I watch him carefully, looking for some hope in his tone. "Maybe... if we weren't so scared all the time, Kai would've turned out different. Maybe we could've saved him, and you wouldn't've dealt with such a complicated family. We should've been truthful from the very beginning."
I don't know anymore.
Are they terrible parents?
I let out a deep breath as we draw closer to the prison. It's ahead of us now, guards posted and calling us to a stop for inspection.
"Thank you, Dad, but I want to speak to Kai first. I'll figure out what I want to do after, okay?" I keep my voice light, devoid of any annoyance or rage that I had felt before.
Dad lifts his head up, blinking tears from his eyes.
"Okay."
We are ordered to park our car and another guard would lead us to where we were heading. Kai's cell is amongst the thousands kept under high security. From what I know, All for One has a reserved box for himself.
Prison cells are locked with heavy metal gates and as an extra precaution, inmates are monitored 24/7 to make sure that they are wearing their anti-quirk gauntlets. If they didn't have them, then the device inputted into the back of their necks would register the fault and send messages to the security team. The device also showed their health status, heart rate and other important details about the inmate's physique.
When we were shown the security room, we got to see how everything was set out. The head of security, called once it was heard that my father and I had arrived, presented the layout of the room we'd be in. It was empty for the moment, a chair at both sides of a metal table with a thick layer of glass in between. It looked safe enough. Just by looking at it, I know that my quirk would need at least fifteen seconds to break through. Enough time for the guards to sound the alarm.
Dad walked behind me on the way to the visiting room. I followed the head of security, feeling his eyes burning into the back of my head. He was waiting for me to say that I didn't want to do this, that I just wanted to go back to the dorms. But I keep a heavy foot and continue on.
When we enter the room, Kai is already sat on the other side of the glass. His eyes are on the floor, opened widely as he keeps his stance. I expected him to look up, at least, to meet my gaze. But like the pathetic man he is, he stays the same. It would be just about a month, I think, since I last saw him. He has bags under his eyes and they're red. He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. The satisfaction I get from the sight of him makes my brow twitch.
The guard stands at the door as we take our seats. Dad nervously sits himself down at my right, clearing his throat, "Kai."
Kai blinks, chest rising and falling slowly with his breathing. "What do you want now?" He questions. His voice comes out as sluggish as you would expect. "What are you doing here?
Dad leans forward, his elbows sitting on top of his knees. His fingers link over one another as his chin lays on top of his knuckles. "We just want to talk." He says, as if he wasn't trying to convince me to not do this.
I scan the other side of the room to distract myself from his hypocrisy. He didn't want to talk, he doesn't get to talk. The only reason he is facing this problem is because I am making him. If it went his way, my dad would be home by now with my mother and I would be joining my friends at the dorms again. If it was up to my father, we would have never made it over the bridge. I put a leg over my knee.
When Kai looks up, his gaze instantly falls on me. I keep mine cold and zone my eyes in on him. With the implant, I can see him better. His eyes, they aren't really the light green that I had thought they were. I used to think they were similar to how the kiwi fruits looked. But now, they're a bland yellow. Not as amazing as they used to be, now that I can see better.
A deceitful man. I want to rip him to shreds.
"And what is she doing here?" He asks, the chains holding him down rattling as he leans back in his chair, "Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"
Dad glares at him. "Y/N wants to speak with you too."
"About what?" He mumbles out, squinting his eyes.
"Why don't you ask me and find out?" I say, speaking louder than his lazy tone. His hostility is different than before during the mission. His limited wording is purposeful, he would've been going on a tangent at this point. The absence of his quirk has knocked him down from his pedestal. "Don't speak as if I'm not here."
"Why not?" He scoffs back, tilting his head. All his attitude resides in his gestures.
"I won't take that amount of insolence from somebody weaker than me." I call out, furrowed brows. Kai makes the same face. I clench my jaw. Dad glances my way, I don't spare him the time. I cross my arms over my chest and tilt my chin down. "You're going to tell me everything I want to know."
Kai gives a dry chuckle. "Did your parents finally tell you the news?"
I blink, tracing his features. "I want to hear what you have to say for yourself." I speak, making Kai raise a brow at my stark response. I take a deep breath in and let it out smoothly. "What did you do to her?"
His brows raise at my question. Kai sits up straight with a disgusted expression. "Excuse me, I would never lay a hand on her with filthy intent." He claims, shaking his head. He switches his gaze between me and my father. "Yori was more of a sister to me than your so-called mother ever tried to be. She raised me during my adolescence while your wife, Benjiro, left me. The reason why Meika doesn't like me is because she never gave me a chance."
"She never gave you a chance because you stuck by Yori and excluded her." My dad says, voice becoming harsh and his knuckles go white. I look to him, not surprised by his reaction. Anything said negatively about his wife would trigger him. Defensive, impulsive. A hidden side of the ocean. Kai scoffs and rolls his eyes as Dad continues. "Yori was an angel and you had made it clear that you didn't like Meika. She tried, Kai, but you were such an asshole to her that you pushed her away."
"Oh, drop the niceties, Benjiro, you know that your wife is the farthest thing from perfect." Kai shouts, lifting his shoulders as he leans away from his chair. Chains restrain his movement. I watch. "She ignores everything wrong with her life, and then she tries to control all of it anyway. She was the one who freaked out the most when you couldn't get Y/N into Mieka's dream school, wasn't she? Nabu Middle School? So much so, that she went directly to the principle and used your job as a Pro Hero as leverage."
My heart beats harder when I hear that. Is... that why Kai would always ask how my days were at Nabu? Is that why Dad seemed so confused when I was accepted? I had thought that he was too surprised to react. Is that why my mother wore that knowing smile on her lips when I ran up to her, all excited?
My life has been chosen from the start. I hate that 'it's in my control' bullshit. What the Hell is there for me to do?
Dad shifts in his seat, moving forward to the thick glass that sat in between us and Kai. The villain goes on, lifting his shoulders, "Meika knows nothing more than what makes her happy, she doesn't try to even comprehend what else could happen. She is obsessed with being 'okay' because she never wants to face her problems."
He looks to me all of a sudden. I widen my eyes a little bit. "Meika wants everyone to know what a good mother she has been to you. Because it makes her feel better about herself, about all the wrong things she did when we were younger. It was never about you." He scowls, and while I try not to show how much it effects me, my fingers wrap around the skirt of my uniform, "She was neglectful, she would pick and choose what she wanted to be her responsibility — why do you think she took you to live with her in the first place? Because it was the right thing to do?"
A cold laugh leaves his lips as my brows turn upwards. "Meika is a selfish bastard who never does anything for others." He snickers, shaking his head at me, "She raised you to prove she could. After a failed attempt such as myself, it was only a matter of time until she had found someone else to play as her subject. You were simply a matter of good timing."
Kai turns his head to Dad. "You both were."
The screeching of Dad's chair fills the atmosphere and he slams a fist into the glass wall. I keep my position, sitting in my chair. "Shut the fuck up, Kai." My father roars, voice hoarse from his frustration, "Do not talk about my wife when you dragged Yori down with you. She covered for all that work you had done in the yakuza. She had more targets on her back as soon as she allowed you through her section of the city. Nobody could ever be more selfish than you."
"You want to kill me, Benjiro?" Kai taunts. A game he plays with the Pro Hero.
Another punch to the thick glass makes a 'thud' noise in the room. His tone is dark when he says, "You will wish you were someone else's mistake by the time I am done with you."
The shake of his voice and the way the floor vibrates beneath my feet tells all that I need to know.
He is torn.
Why?
Because there's this sliver, this miniscule chance, that she really did only keep us around for her convenience.
I don't find it at all comforting. His whole façade is slipping, and I wonder if this would ever be seen if I had asked to see Kai today. The ground shakes, emitting from Dad's spot.
"Dad." I call to him, knitted brows. He is breathing heavily as he glances over his shoulder to me. He seems to have gathered himself, but he is still frustrated. I nod to the cameras in the corners of the room. "Stop."
He looks angry with my decision to step in. But my own rage is pulling through. I did not come here to watch them fight. If I wanted to, I would've asked my mother to come as well. I feel like if I stay here longer than I need to be, then I will go insane. Dad sits down begrudgingly, screeching his chair back into his place beside me.
"I asked you what you did to Aunt Yori." I say, holding my arms tightly, "When you told me about my gloves and I asked about who you hurt to make them, you said you hurt my mother. And I thought..." I take a deep breath in and look at Kai with a newfound relaxed attitude. "What did you do to get a sample from her?"
Kai hums out, looking at his empty sleeves, "She was too nice for her own good. I said you needed help controlling your quirk, and she asked me for ways to help." I glare at him. "And the rest went down just as you would imagine. Blood samples, quite a few with some tests I had done." Kai glares back at me. "You know, perhaps if she didn't give me all those samples for your stupid gloves, then maybe she would've had more strength to escape All for One as the Symbol of Peace had done."
"Shut your filthy mouth." Dad scowls.
"I didn't ask for the gloves." I state, holding the metal of the chair beneath me.
"Yet she was all too willing to help." Kai sighs out, shrugging his shoulders. I hold my breath. "She did anything she could for you, despite her giving you away to her troubled sister because she was an amateur Pro Hero. So yeah, I did hurt Yori. But she did it for you, Y/N." He sits back. "So we're both to blame."
Dad stares at me with a newfound fear. By his reaction, I'm guessing he doesn't believe him. Why would he believe Kai? After all, he was just a villain. Dad doesn't want to believe him.
But, we both knew Aunt Yori.
We both knew of her kindness and how lovely she was to everyone. How she refused to say 'no' when she was completely capable to helping someone out.
It was not out of the question, and we were fully aware of that.
"I was stupid for not realising it sooner." I sigh out, linking my fingers together over my lap, "It took me years. Why didn't she tell me?"
"I wouldn't know." Kai explains, returning to his shorter answers. His voice becomes dull, as if wanting to be done with the conversation. "But it seems she kept plenty secrets from you, hm?"
I stand up, my chair scraping against the floor beneath it. Taking two paces, I stop at the glass in between Kai and I, staring directly at the prisoner. "I want to speak with him alone, Dad. Can you please wait outside?" I request.
Dad stands up immediately. "I can't do that." He tells me.
I turn back to him, covering the circle of holes that were carved into the glass wall so that Kai can't hear us. I say, "He doesn't like you, Dad, he won't speak to me and answer with what I want if you stay." My fists clenches at my side. "I won't do anything bad."
"I don't trust him." Dad scowls, glaring over my shoulder.
"You don't need to trust him, I just want to talk." I say, feeling my head reel faster with pressure. He needs to go. So that I can get out of Kai what I need to. The whole reason I am here is getting blocked by my father's presence. "Please?"
He stares at me for a moment before I remove my hand from the wall.
Kai huffs out, tilting his head, "Are you two done scheming?"
Dad throws a punch to the glass wall. It bounds, and I can feel the movement charging through my fingertips. He growls, "You make her cry again and I'll have you to death row." As Kai raises a brow, Dad fixes up his suit and tie and leaves the room, closing it behind him as his eyes train on me for a little longer.
"Doesn't that make you think, the Pros have a lot of say in the lives of the prisoners here." Kai inputs once I turn back to him. He stares at the floor. "If they don't particularly like one of us, they can put in a little word with the warden and we'll be on the chopping block." His eyes drag up to me lazily. "Isn't that unfair? How could the Hero Public Safety Division let their employees do such things?"
"I'm not here to talk politics, I want to know what really happened with Aunt Yori." I state, glaring at him. Kai blinks, not showing any reason to hurry and respond. "Do you know everything about her life? About Meika taking me in?"
Kai shrugs his shoulders, sighing out, "I wouldn't say that I knew everything about that."
I knit my brows. Kai's eyes don't leave mine, but I can sense it in his tone. The floor feels heavier under my feet, it pulses. My own gaze takes a moment to re-focus on him again.
"Don't lie to me." I say.
"How do you know if I'm lying?" Kai asks me, sitting up a little straighter.
"Your heart is beating faster. I can feel it." I claim, the pulsing in the floor now quickening, "You're lying to me."
A side effect to the incident. My quick is always active, which means my body will constantly tingle with it. And while it isn't enough to make my body turn numb, I can still feel it there.
But I can't feel his heartbeat.
I'm bullshitting right now. I'll say anything to get what I want.
Kai stares at me, then to the bandages around my fingers and hands. He begins to put two and two together and huffs out, "Fine. I knew all along that Yori was pregnant. I know more than Meika. What is it you want to know?"
"Who is my biological father?" Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth. Faster than I would've expected myself.
The chains around his biceps rattle as he shifts in his spot. "I wouldn't know. Yori was friends with many people, she was quite popular." He claims, disappointing me, "I do know that she wanted to settle down with someone. She always admired the quiet life."
"So it could've been a civilian? Not another Pro Hero?" I mumble out, blinking at him.
"I would say so. More of a chance with a normal person than someone constantly in danger." Kai explains, voice travelling through the room with a slight echo, "It was a secret relationship, that was all that Yori had told us. And when she said she wanted to keep the baby, we had supported her."
I sit back down on the metal chair. That's the uncle that I remember. He was always helping, albeit begrudgingly. But when he said that he had supported Aunt Yori, I feel doubt pinch at my heart. I can't believe him, not one bit. Because if I take that inch of truth, I will run a mile.
"When did the idea of Aunt Yori giving me to her sister come up? Was that the whole plan?" I question, crossing my arms again. I can feel my fingers buzzing with anxiousness, the whole of me is scared.
Kai huffs in response to me, looking regrettably at his cuffed pants, "Meika decided to take you in after I had offered to do so myself."
"Weren't you 11 or something?"
"Call me ambitious." He tells me, and it dawns on me again just how close in age we are.
I hadn't actually started being close to him until he was 17-years-old and I was 6. I was never sure why we weren't introduced to each other before then, all I remember is that Aunt Yori had come around after school to pick me up. While people were taking photos with her, Uncle Kai stood next to me and let me hold his hand so I didn't walk off, but only after sanitising with the new bottle-keychain thing he had gifted me that same day. I asked how he knew Aunt Yori (who was 28 at the time) and he explained that he was her half-brother, and therefore my uncle.
We did not go into further detail, it was as if Kai was prewarned now to say too much about the situation. Looking back on it now, I could've guessed why we hadn't spoken earlier. Why would Mum not introduce me to family if she still liked them? The look on her face when Aunt Yori brought me home with my pinky linked with Kai's was all I needed to understand. I would later hear the two sisters arguing in the kitchen with the doors closed as I presented all my day drawings to my father and my new uncle.
That duo was always nice to each other. As much as Kai could be, he was respectful to Dad. And of course my father would share his home with any family, his or hers. He never showed any hostility towards Kai, not like he had now. I suspect that the time that I was banned from seeing him was around the period that they had found out he became affiliated with the yakuza. I believe I was around 12-years-old that the rule had been added. It had not been so long, but it does feel like it.
Kai looks at me with a different gaze. "I wanted you to be closer to Yori than Meika." Kai looks to the ground. "Yori would've been a wonderful mother to you."
I can't help but question that. I ignore it.
"What do you mean by what you said before?" I ask him, making Kai raise a brow. I lift a shoulder, tilting my head, "Dad and I being 'a matter of good timing'?"
He nods his head and leans back further into his chair. The cold air of the facility moves along my face and my blood rushes to warm it.
"Obviously, Meika wanted a family and you were born. But as for Benjiro, he was the closest thing to a happenstance that there ever was." He tells me, looking to his covered hands, "They met a few years before you were born, maybe four? There was a fundraiser that we were all attending amd there were copious amounts of pros there, even amateur ones like Benjiro. He was there to make friends, of all things."
Kai huffs out a breath, seemingly bored by the story that I was so willing to hear, "Yori was introducing people to Meika so that she could do the same, but it just so happened that a week prior, our mother talked to her about finding a partner. Meika was trying, God knows she was, but the people at her university were parasites and their parents didn't like any of them."
His gaze sets on me.
"And then sweetheart Benjiro comes along, an upstart pro hero who went to UA and graduated in the top percent of his grade." He says, shrugging his shoulders, "Meika knew that he was the type of guy her parents were looking for, so she flirts with him and gets his number."
"She loved him, though. Right?" I mutter, knowing that that's what my parents said. From the start.
Kai raises a brow. "It took 13 dates over the course of four months for her to admit to him that she was using him to get her parents off her back." He explains, making my fists clench on my lap, "She felt bad, of course, and told him. But Benjiro was in love, and he could feel that she was too. Why else would she tell him that? Then, three years pass, they hear Yori is pregnant and want to give it to them, and they get married three months into the pregnancy."
When Kai notices my upset look, he hums out, "It was a matter of good timing."
I want to talk to her. My perception of my mother has changed drastically this year. I don't know what is right and wrong with her, I don't know what to do next time I see her. Should I ask if it's true? Would she even tell me the truth?
From what I now know, I don't think she would.
The fact that I've been living such a big lie is straining. I feel like I could dissolve in seconds. My hands feel clammy again, and I can feel each nerve signal run up and down my arms.
I try to ignore it.
"Why didn't Aunt Yori just give me away?" I question him, trying to think of everything I should ask now, "It would've been easier just to cut ties with me all together. At least for her."
It was as if he was waiting for this question to come up.
"Meika was 23 and your mother, seeing as her sister and her husband were wanting a kid in the future, had asked her to raise you." He explains to me, shrugging it off as if it didn't mean anything. It means more than that. "Meika was understandably wary, of course being in a family with a pro hero was dangerous. But Yori told me herself that she didn't want to be erased from your life."
I furrow my brows. Kai says to me, and I am on the edge of my seat, "Family means everything to her. And even if she couldn't be your mother, she still wanted to be there for you."
My tears fall faster than I can wipe them.
"What's wrong? Isn't this what you wanted? To know everything?"
I rub my cheeks. "Yes, but..." I begin. My hands then fall onto my knees. "Why couldn't I just stay with you? And Aunt Yori? We have the same quirks, my 'parents' could've babysat me or something—"
"Y/N, that's what we wanted." Kai expresses, shaking his head, "You don't think we thought of that? Her friends who were pros knew nothing but they could've helped. We had everything we needed to take care of you."
"So why didn't she keep me?"
It seems the real question is revealed. He lets out a sigh, "She loved you as much as she could. She wanted to have you, but... do you know what that would've done to the family? Meika would've been torn, she wouldn't complain to Yori, but you'd know. You wouldn't have a 'mother', Yori would be out every single day, maybe for even months on end. You wouldn't have liked that."
I sound ungrateful. I hate my tone and how tight my heart feels. But what do I do?
"I could've been better!" I shout, holding the bandages, "Look at me! My quirk could've been controlled from the start! I—I would've never been such a freak!"
"Don't say that—"
"I would've been better! How... How is this the life she wanted for me?" I have stood up and come close to the glass. Kai sits up straighter. "I am only half of myself because of you and what happened because I wasn't her kid. I'll never feel safe again."
He then stands, the chains rattling and restraining him further. "Are you saying that it's Yori's fault? That because she couldn't keep you, you're like this?" He reprimands me. His tone gives off his anger. "Do not talk about her like that. It is not her fault. My life has been shit ever since she left, but that is not because of her, it's because of me."
I take a deep breath in. My defensiveness is comparable to his. Especially about Yori.
When I breathe out, my knees wobble and I fall to the ground. I am still crying. Kai sighs and sits back down.
"What do I do?" I mumble out.
"You tell Meika and Benjiro that it's okay." He answers me. I look back at him, confused. "They raised you to be strong, even though Meika did it out of selfish ways. They gave you a life that led you to becoming a mature person. You've never run away from home or stayed out way past curfew. You're not a bad person. I would know."
"Shut up..." I mutter, wiping my eyes, "Don't try to sound so wise now. I still fucking hate you. My organs are metal and concrete because of you."
I stand up and look at him. Kai looks to the ground, avoiding my gaze. He huffs out, "I'm sorry we fought."
He looks pathetic. I would crush his skull in if I could.
I look back at him, in disgust and hatred. He nearly killed my friends and he spared no second glance to Eri's health. I would destroy every single person who is like him and worse.
I know that next time we fight, I will kill him for sure.
I walk towards the door and huff, "That doesn't matter."
He is still family. And I hate him for it.
Later . . .
I spend some more time at the police station after that. They want an update on my condition and ask a few more questions about the events. I've told them all I know, but the amount of times I say what happens makes me feel as if it's a story I'm making up.
I explain in detail how my quirk is now always active and the stuff in my body. I can tell on their faces that it's worse than they could've ever imagined. They ask if I would ever heal completely, and I say that it didn't seem like it. They give me their condolences and I thank them.
Dad sat outside the whole time. He insists on escorting me to my dorms, but I said it'll be so late. He doesn't mind. I let him. As much as I'd rather be alone right now, I allow him to drop me off home.
He and the cops also ask what I spoke about with Kai. I tell them the same thing.
I talked about Yori.
They do not look surprised, if not a little upset at how blunt I was. They ask about specifics and I say that I didn't want to say because it made me upset. They both decide to abide by my statement and not ask further.
It takes a few hours to go through everything, and then they ask to run a few more tests. I tell them that the hospital has everything about me in their files, but the police require me to do quirk testing.
I have not used my quirk since the mission.
And it shows.
When asked to mould the steel in front of me into a ball, it turns into one with spikes.
They wanted me to create a handgun using the provided materials, and I create a bayonet.
I needed to make shields to protect against rubber bullets, I make a wall that has a protruding spike that slices each bullet in half.
My quirk has become more aggressive, and if I am not careful with it then I could seriously injure not only others but myself.
Any time that I try to create something that isn't lethal, or is trying to protect me, it always turns into an attack. Something to kill whatever is around me. It's terrifying to think that this is my quirk now.
They warn me that they will keep an eye on it and that I should too.
The drive back to UA is long and quiet, despite the police department being only a 30 min drive and clubs and such blasting their music. I try not to fall asleep in the car, but it's 12:40 AM and I just finished doing quirk tests and being mentally drained. I need rest. I nod on and off continuously.
Dad doesn't say anything to me. He offered licorice from his snack before. More like he put the packet in my hands before getting whisked away by officers to be questioned. I ate them all.
My dinner was a quick drive-through at the local burger stop. Dad bought me my favourite kind of burger meal with nuggets and sauces on the side. He made sure I ate it all in the car and that I also had water to drink. I thanked him and sat in the car without making a noise for the rest of the drive.
When we stop in front of my dormitory, its basically 1 in the morning. Dad steps outside the car with me as the lights shine against the cold ground. I feel no warmth.
My school uniform is wrinkled from being on all day and I have a jacket on. It's still nipping at my nose, the cold air. My bandaged hands are freezing too, and my stomach turns at the change in temperature.
"You can come home whenever you'd like. Even to talk about it all more." Dad tells me, hands in his pockets. I nod my head, looking at his shoes. "You're always welcome. We would never shut you out."
I have a snarky remark but I keep it in. "Okay."
"Alright. Goodnight." He says, not moving a muscle. I hum back, shifting my foot so I can leave. But I stop when he drags me into a tight, warm hug.
His big arms envelope me against his chest, and he buries his face into my shoulder. I squeak at the sudden impact. It is reassuring yet soft, careful not to hurt me more.
"I love you with all my heart, Kiddo. You'll always be the best thing to have ever happened to me. I could never have asked for a better daughter." He says, and I feel my heart break, "No matter what, you will always be my kid and I will continue to treat you like it."
He's not my real father.
"Goodnight... Dad." I say back, patting his back.
He gives me one last squeeze and lets me go. He has a sad smile on his face when he gets into the car and the driver directs the car to the exit. The further he gets, the bigger my frown appears.
My shoulders feel heavy, I can't wait to get into bed.
The lights for the common area are turned off, so everyone must be sleeping. Mr Aizawa has always been very adamant on keeping our sleep schedules proper. He made sure to visit me after I was to be awake and before I was to fall asleep (according to the recommended student schedule that I'm 90% sure nobody followed.), so this is the longest time I have been awake.
I'm walking along the stone path, heaving the hero costume case beside me, when I make it halfway and the door to my dormitory opens up, lights still off.
He butts his head out before emerging from behind the door, dark hoodie and baggy sweatpants. It's the one he gave me. He must've stolen it back while I was away. His soft hair should be barely noticeable under the darkness, but with my sight I can practically see all of him.
I've stopped on my tracks, the light illuminating just enough to see his dazed look.
"What are you still doing up? It's past your bed time." I huff out, voice cracking a little as I try to joke around. He isn't amused, not one bit. But when has he ever been? I brows are upturned as he lets the door gently close, not shutting completely. He is wearing his indoor slippers outside now, something that he was careful not to do. "Aren't you tired?"
He takes a step towards me and his blonde hair lights up when in the moon's shine. One step becomes two. And two becomes too many for me to count.
I follow along, unable to control the tightening in my chest as I begin to cry again. Hot tears fall down my face as I slowly walk towards him. I sort of tug that doesn't relax, only tightening so much that I feel a pang in my chest, my heart. My throat feels dry.
"Katsuki..." I cry.
He's running to meet me as I hold out my arms to him. Once close enough, his hands fall onto my waist and he gently picks me up, slowing his pace to a stop. I fall into his chest with my face hidden in his shoulder. Tears stain the stupid hoodie and his fingers tighten around me, grasping at the back of my jacket. He's holding his breath; when he lets it go, it's slow and steady, as if trying to calm himself.
I hover my hands over his waist, scared.
I don't want to touch him. I can't touch him.
He will disintegrate into nothing if I do and I'm scared to lose him, I don't want to do anything bad to him, because if something bad happens to him I will lose myself.
But he holds me tighter, his hair is tickling my neck and his hands reach to snake around me whole. He's leaning into me, not leaving any space between us to breathe or to move away. At the sudden strength, I shift away to balance myself on my feet. But he follows my actions, taking the step when I do. I can feel his heavy heart against my chest, beating faster and faster by the second. His warm hands heat up my cold back.
My tears are falling down my face at rapid speeds, and I close my eyes and let myself be held. I feel warmer, I can hear my own heartbeat in my ears. And my face is heating us so much that I'm afraid he's going to pull away in pain. But he doesn't. My tears feel hot and I want to wipe them away as they fall on his hoodie.
"I'm sorry." I mumble out to him quietly, not quite knowing why.
I know he wants to respond to me, but he keeps himself quiet for now. Instead, he rubs my shoulder. He pulls away and gently grabs my palm after a while. He notices the bandages and sighs, brows knit together and he frowns.
I've never seen him cry so silently before.
They fall down into the places where my tears had wet the hoodie. The shine of the lamp posts makes him seem elegant, almost as if he was doing it on purpose. But he wipes them away as soon as he realises I am watching.
Katsuki pulls my palm to his face, making me cup his warm cheek. I'm surprised, my eyes widen. I feel scared that I'm going to hurt him. I try to pull away gently, but he holds it there.
I can feel his tears stain my bandages. His eyes are trained on me and don't lose contact. He can feel how shaky my hands are.
"No, I don't wanna..." I begin, but stop myself after feeling my eyes begin to burn with more crying, and my strange heart twists within my cemented stomach, "Katsuki..."
With one hand on my outer palm and the other on my back, Katsuki closes his eyes and gently kisses my palm. I stare in wonder. When he doesn't feel me pull away, he kisses one more time. Longer, with his face scrunched up in relief.
I let out a breath as tears fall from my eyes. He then pulls my arm around his neck and hugs me tightly again. He presses me against him and closes his eyes.
"Don't leave again." He asks me, "Please don't leave me."
He is asking me, I can tell by the tone of his voice. Almost begging, as if once I leave him again, he will become nothing. I lean my cheek against his neck and close my eyes.
I brush my fingers through his hair. "I won't."
My hearts knows my truth.
After a second, he pulls away a little and touches my cheek. He's just staring at me. Until he looks away for a second and comes back to me.
"God, you're fucking freezing. C'mon." He huffs, keeping an arm around me and tugging me inside. His hand never leaves mine as he closes the door behind me and even places my indoor slippers in front of me. All the while, I can feel my quirk surging through me. Active. I'm scared, still.
It's warm inside. Maybe it's because I haven't seen this place in a while. I change my shoes and step further inside. Katsuki is turning off the TV that was playing some kids cartoon I used to watch when I was younger, maybe everyone did. He puts away his used plates and washes them quickly before placing them on the drying rack. The whole time, he's making sure I'm standing right beside him.
"I've already eaten." I tell him when he hands me a bowl of food.
He looks at me, questionable. "You've lost weight being in the hospital. Their food is shit. Not enough." He claims, placing the bowl in front of me. He hands me a spoon and fork. "I'll get you back to eating how you usually do."
I look away for a moment, making him set down the utensils on the bench. He leans in closer and mutters out, "Can you eat now? Are you full?" I take a moment and answer an honest shake of my head. The takeaway from before didn't make me feel satisfied, just enough to eat. "Have some, at least. I'll stay."
He does, in fact, stay. Katsuki stands on the opposite side of the bench, looking everywhere around me. I sit down at the counter and slowly begin to eat. He's cooked this, I can tell. And it's Ojiro, Sato and Tsu's turn to cook tonight.
Then I compare the food he's given me to the food at the hospital. It was a good hospital, I won't lie. The food was alright; I was allowed to eat whatever I asked for, as long as it wasn't fast food all the time. They were kind to me and my food was never late.
But I'll always prefer homemade food.
The hospital stay was not my favourite thing. And I think more and more about it.
I can't help myself. I can't allow myself to enjoy this. Not yet.
"Why didn't you come and visit me at the hospital, Katsuki?"
He seems to be waiting for this, because he's leaning against the bench with his two hands and he's staring at me. He looks into my eyes with regret.
"I was waiting. Everyone but you came to see me." I say, looking down at the food now, "Mr Aizawa said you'd have your classes, but... did you not have time to spare? Even Todoroki came to visit every once in a while..."
"I didn't want to come and see you because I was scared."
His voice is quiet, less rough than it usually is. I look at his hands, gripping the bench harder.
"I told you... if I saw you hurt because of that stupid mission then I would never forgive myself." He mumbles out, lowering his head to stare at his hands as well. I can feel the tension in the counter tighten. "When Deku told me about what happened to you, I didn't... I wasn't prepared to see you."
I continue to eat silently. He continues to watch me.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
I look to him. He's looking away.
"Alright." I retort, finishing my food. He holds his breath and takes my empty bowl away, washing it. I watch. "Are you tired?"
"No. You?"
"Not anymore."
He stands at the counter, waiting for me to go on. He has questions burning in his mind, I can tell by the way he taps his finger against the marble.
He looks at me differently now.
I can't tell whether it's pity or regret, by it's different and I hate it.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks me.
I sigh, rubbing my neck and standing up, "I don't know. So much has happened over the past few weeks..."
He nods his head. Maybe a little let down by my decision to keep quiet, but he doesn't ask for more. He pushes up from the bench and clears his throat, "Go to sleep then."
He blinks at me as I nod and start for the elevator. He waits beside me, his warm palm against mine. We wait silently.
The elevator comes down, revealing Midoriya.
He blinks twice at me before breaking into a smile.
"L/N! You're back!" He chimes, as if he didn't see me at the funeral in the morning. He walks out of the elevator and pats my shoulders lightly. "H—How do you feel? Where did you guys go?"
Taking a deep breath, and remembering Katsuki nearby, I retort, "I just... went to catch up with some family."
I give him a certain look. Trying to send a message.
For a moment he thinks, and then understands. His eyes widen a bit before he quietly inhales sharply. Then, he lifts his hands off me.
"Right... That makes sense." He is eager to know more, to write in his little hero notebook. "I just came down to see who came home. It was—"
And then the elevator door opens up and our friends pile out like a muddle of clowns from a car, calling my name like a sports game.
"L/N!" Everybody draws out before I'm pulled into a hug by so many people that the hall is filled.
The other elevator opens next and even more of my friends follow after. Katsuki moves out of the way, partly annoyed as he shoves both of his hands into his pockets and stands to the side.
"We've missed you so much, Y/N!" Mina cries out, hugging my shoulders from beside me as Jirou stands beside her, nodding her head, "Oh my God, we were so worried about you the whole time! Mr Aizawa said we wouldn't see you for a couple more weeks and I wanted to cry!"
Kirishima pats my back, making me look over to him. He smiles with upturned brows. "Glad to see you back on your feet, Y/N. Fatgum kept telling his agency about how cool you are!" He claims, holding up a heavy fist, "How do you feel?"
"I'm okay, thank you all." I respond, getting some space as everyone looks back at me. Sato and Koda are in the back with a bunny and Tsu is peeking from beside Shoji. I missed everyone's faces. "How have classes been?"
"Forget that! Tell us about the mission!" Kaminari speaks up, waving his hands around to catch my attention. I blink as he makes his way closer, shaking my shoulders a little bit. "Did you meet any cute girls? Numbers, L/N, I need their numbers!"
I give a soft laugh as Jirou tugs him away and scolds him for 'rough-housing'. That's when we disperse into the living room once more and we sit on the couch and begin talking. Katsuki is standing in the corner with his arms crossed, surveying almost. I'm in between Tsu and Kirishima as Sato, Yaoyorozu and some others were baking a 'welcome home' cake.
"What are you all doing up at this hour?" Mr Aizawa walks in with his usual tired eyes, yawning a little as he checks his phone, "You're meant to be in your bedrooms."
He then looks at me. His face softens and he lets out a relieved sigh, "Welcome home, L/N."
I smile and nod a little. "Thank you, Mr Aizawa."
He nods back before clapping his hands and stretching his neck a bit. He huffs, "Okay, to bed now. We're all glad that L/N is back, but she needs rest and so do the rest of you. Training only becomes harder." The class all groans. "Shut up. Go to sleep. I need to speak with L/N."
People pass me and give me a hug or a pat on my shoulder to say 'goodnight'. I say it back to them and watch as they go up the elevator. Katsuki stands by, a few feet away.
"I heard about your trip to Tartarus this evening." He hums out, crossing his arms. I gulp, feeling the way the air plays on mg fingertips. "What did you and Overhaul talk about?"
I respond, looking to the ground, "We talked about Sorceress and the family. And... just me." Katsuki holds his breath for a moment behind me. "That's it. And then I did quirk tests with the police."
Aizawa furrows his brows once I look back at him. "And how did that go?"
"My... It's changed. My quirk isn't like how it as before." I admit, remembering how Katsuki is leaning against the wall, listening in. "More aggressive. It attacks when I don't mean for it to."
The teacher blinks at me before exhaling slowly. "I see. We'll have to keep watch. Don't worry, L/N. You're safe." A pat on my head from the teacher is felt before he walks away. "Now, get some rest. You may join us tomorrow if you feel well enough. Have a good night, L/N, Bakugou."
We say our 'goodnight's to him as he leaves. Then, Katsuki silently calls for the elevator to our floor. We walk into it quietly.
The wait is awkward.
"Do you wanna' talk?"
"Isn't it past your bedtime though?"
"Shut up... I don't care..." He looks to the side.
I blink at him and play with my fingers. "I, um... I do. I wanna talk... But later." I say, anxious.
He seems a little disappointed. But I don't let that phase me. If I'm nog ready, I'm not ready. And I can't help it.
"Later." He repeats, nodding his head.
It's quiet again until we make it to our floor. Katsuki walks me to my dorm, trailing closely to my side to make sure I was safe. I opened my room with my key and stepped inside, putting my bags down by the entrance. Turning around, I see Katsuki waiting in the doorway.
"Thank you." I hum, smiling at him sadly.
"You're welcome." He replies, nodding to the ground, "Goodnight."
I scan his face. I am in front of him, yet he won't look at me. I sigh, "Goodnight."
When I say that, I grab the handle of the door. Going to close it, Katsuki takes one step inside my room and holds the door open. He moves closer to me just to place a kiss on my cheek. He's slick, not giving me time to think.
Because he pulls away, mutters another small and embarrassed 'goodnight' before turning around and rushing to his room.
I'm baffled by what has happened as I close my door.
He was so sweet and so funny sometimes. I smile at his somewhat shown confidence.
I like him. A lot.
And I truly don't know if I can do anything about it.