JESSA
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When the heavy curtain eventually parted in front of me, I nearly forgot about the anxiety and just stood there like a rock as I absorbed the current scenario.
I am standing on a higher platform, on the top stairs to be exact. Before me is a wide ball room that is filled with women and gentlemen that are watching me and clapping. The claps of the hundred hands echo loudly around the area, sending my guts into a swirling mess and making my hands tremble more. Oh my God, hindi naman ako aware na ganito pala kalaki ang ballroom. At ganito pala karami ang nag-aabang sa prinsesa!
The walls are covered with the same golden pattern of dragons I had seen in the bedroom, yet the swirls are brighter and thicker and the shapes are more obvious. The subtle images of dragons whirl and twirl their way across the cream white walls, on the maroon floor, and up to the ceiling. Ang ganda. Ang ganda ganda. My heart soars at the amazing environment in front of me. It's enchanting, especially when there are also two giant chandeliers hanging from the white ceiling that is illuminating everything in golden highlights.
The tall and glittering golden statue of a dragon, positioned in the heart of the space, in the midst of an overwhelming crowd, is what truly bears the beauty of the ball room. It stands there in all its splendor, its magnificent wings flapping furiously and its jaw set as if it were about to yell. Its ruby eyes glow from the chandelier's glare, as are the tips of its horns, wings, and tail.
Wow, mukhang mahilig sa mythical creature na ito ang mga tao dito. Maybe it is the symbol of Shirene?
I realized that there is music playing from the side. The melodies are almost muffled from under the rowdy claps of the crowd. May mga salamin din sa pader bilang disenyo. At mula doon ay maayos ko na napagmasdan ang sarili— hindi, ang katawan pala ni Prinsesa Blaidarah.
Mukhang naglalayab na apoy ang suot kong gown dahil sa porma ng mga laces at beads, idagdag pa ang kinang ng mga beads dahil sa nakaka-bulag na liwanag ng chandelier. It looks like as if I am blending with fire. And with Blaidrah's blonde hair, pale complexion, perfect body figure and those intense deep set of eyes, I look like a freaking fire goddess.
Oh my God, Blaidrah looks as enchanted as this regal place, and the small tiara on top of my head just summed it up all. She really does indeed look like a princess, a fiery and powerful princess.
Kaya naman pala hindi pa rin tumitigil ang pagpalakpak nila, at kung tingnan ako ng lahat ay para bang dala dala ko ang gamot sa cancer. Kaya lalo namang lumala ang sikmura ko, lalo lamang itong umikot at pakiramdam ko masusuka na ako. Napahawak ako sa skirt ng gown ko at sinubukang huwag tignan ang kahit kanino sa kanila.
Patuloy pa rin sa pagtugtog ang mga musikero and every single pair of eyes are looking at me. Some of the women below are wearing gloves, elaborate hats with nets, ball dresses as wide as mine, and mermaid tail gowns.
Even male attire confuses me. Some wear vests, while others wear jackets and caps. The majority of them are holding what seems to be a scepter.
I can't even recognize what fashion style they are supposed to be wearing. Oo, wala naman akong alam sa lugar na ito pero atleast di'ba na nag-uunite sana ang fashion senses nila. One by one, they all look so mixed up and random. But when you start to view them from a higher place, when you look at them as a whole instead of individually, it doesn't look so wrong. Instead, it looked so dazzling, like something you would see in a classic painting.
"Blaidrah, kung tumingin ka para 'bang may bomba."
Halos napatalon ako sa pwesto ko nang biglang may nagsalita sa gilid ko. Lumingon ko. Then I realized, if I am the fiery princess of Shirene, then there is definitely a Queen as intense as me. And I am sure that I am talking with her right now.
The Queen glared at me. We are sharing the same shade of blond hair, yet hers is pulled back into a neat bun, with a bigger and more luminous crown settling on the top of her head. I tried to stare back at her harsh gaze. Eto na talaga ang nanay ni Blaidrah. Ilang features ng mukha ni Blaidrah ang nakikita ko rito sa babaeng kaharap ko. Mula sa kulay ng buhok, sa hugis ng mga mata at mukha niya. This is it, the queen, the mother of the body I am using.
"Remove that foolish expression on your face, Blaidrah," she said. "Fix your posture."
And to prove her point, she pushes my back bone and realizes I am actually wearing a freaking corset. Para bang kusa itong sumikip nang biglang tinulak ito ng Reyna at tinuwid ang likod ko. Napangiwi naman ako sa biglang sakit.
And the sudden pain seems to snap something, something seems to click again from the back of my mind. Pain caused by the queen's hands.. That has happened before. And what are these emotions rising from the pain of my back? Anger? Hatred? Extreme bitterness?
Bakit ba napakasolid nalang bigla ng bigat sa dibdib ko, simple lang naman niyang inayos ang posture ko? My own mom used to do that because I, myself, don't have the best posture too. The Queen does the same.. But what are these heavy drives?
Nakatitig na naman pala ako sa kanya. The glint in her eyes bubbles the unfavourable emotions that are starting to take over me. I hate that glint. I hate those eyes. I hate this.
But why? Kahit naman na intense ang mata ng Reyna.. Hindi naman siya mukhang galit. Actually, she's looking at me with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips. She looked concerned. Like a typical caring mom.
Why would I hate my own mother? The Queen?
"And stop gazing at everyone like that," she said. "Remember, look at everyone..but to no one."
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Hindi ko nakuha ang gusto niyang iparating. Para hindi ko ata kaya gawin 'yon.
Tsaka ko nalang na napansin na may katabi pa pala ang Reyna. It's obviously the King, judging from the red imperial crown sitting at the top of his brown hair and to his long and thick cape hanging from his shoulders dropping to the ground. Walang emosyon ang nakikita sa kanyang mukha, ngunit ramdam ko ang demanding presence niya na kumakalat sa buong lugar. Diretsyo lamang siya na nakatingin sa kawalan, ang kanyang ulo ay bahagyang nakataas, kaya kitang kita ko ang kanyang tiwala sa kanyang awtoridad sa mga tao dito. The thought gave me a slight chill.
Why is this family so freaking intense?
The clapping dies, finally. The Queen gracefully grabs the ends of her skirt and starts to walk down the stairs. Then the King follows as well, while I remain standing for a few seconds. Susundan ko ba sila? Pakiramdam ko matatapilok lang ako sa pagbaba ng hagdan dahil sa haba ng gown ko at taas ng heels ko. Idagdag pa ang mga titig sa akin ng mga tao sa paligid ko.
I swallowed hard and closed my fist to contain my nervousness. Pinikit ko muna sandali ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim. My whole body is still shaking like crazy, the corset is not helping at all with my anxiety, I feel like my lungs are being crushed by it, giving me a hard time breathing. But everyone is still looking at me. Hindi ako pwede magkamali.
Muli akong huminga nang malalim at binuksan ang mga mata ko. I gently grab the ends of my skirt and take a step down the stairs and finally join the King and the Queen. Buti naman at tila ba sanay na sanay ang paa ko sa takong ko at sa tamang paghakbang pababa ng hagdan na may suot suot ang mabigat na gown. Pero wala na akong panahon para magreklamo pa, I have to carry on this whole Princess thing.
Nang kaming tatlo ay nakababa na sa hagdan ay may dalawang tao ang lumitaw mula sa mga tao. Isang babaeng nasa edad na ng Hari at Reyna at isang lalaki na kaedaran ko lang din siguro.
It seems like they are blood-related. Both of them had golden hair that was almost as bright as the chandelier. The woman's mermaid tail gown is lined with the finest rubies with a pearl necklace settling around her neck. While the younger man beside her is wearing black trousers and a red tuxedo with a black bowtie. Shimmering gold laces and silver medals are pinned on his tuxedo jacket. Even though his gaze is planted on the King and Queen, I could see the eccentric twinkle in his eye.
"The Breontis royal family!" The King said delightfully when we finally arrived at the bottom of the stairs.
At first, I had no idea what he just said. Tsaka ko napagtanto na 'yung babae pala at ang lalaki ang sinasabihan niya. They're a royal blood too.
The woman and the Queen politely give each other a small hug. The younger man meets my gaze, and winks.
I frowned.
"A Magical evening, your Majesty." The woman said with a dazzling smile on her thin lips. "We've traveled hours and hours to get here! It is such a great opportunity to be invited to this ball! Here's Prince Quincy of the mighty Breontis kingdom!"
The younger man seems to take it as a signal and take a step forward, "Good evening, your majesties. I am very delighted to finally meet the famous Princess Blaidrah of Shirene!"
We lock gazes again. Pero hindi ako nagpakawala ng kung anong ekspresyon sa mukha ko. Ayaw kong lapitan ako ng lalaking ito. Uneasiness climbs in my nerves. I do not like this guy. Because this is not the person that I want to be with tonight.
I paused. What? What is that sudden concern? May dapat ba ako abangan sa event na ito? May inaasahan ba akong dadating dito? Maybe my groupmates na nilamon din ng ilaw sa libro ko? Siguro andito din sila?
I don't freaking know. But I only know one thing: the Prince in front of me is not the person I am looking for.
Yet the Prince seems to not feel my growing turmoil for he reaches out his slender fingers and grabs my hands. He carefully lifts my hand up to his mouth and brushes his dry lips against the skin of my hand. The sudden skin contact stuns me that I almost jumped away from him.
"Dito lang kami, hijo," biglang sabi ng babaeng kasama niya sa amin at ngumiti din sa akin. But I am bewildered as hell that I couldn't even smile back at her. Then, along with the Queen and King, turn their backs on us and walk to blend in with the crowd.
"You need to relax, princess." Prince Quincy's lips stretch into an annoying feral grin, as he squeezes my own hand under his grip. "I won't bite!"
"Huh," I responded. Wala akong ideya sa kung anong ekspresyon ba ang nagagawa na ng mukha ko, at wala akong pakialam.
"Oh, pardon me. That was not glamorous of me!" He exclaims. He closes his eyes, slightly bows down his head, then opens his eyes and glances at me from his eyelashes. ""Will you dance with me?"
Dance? What the hell? Then it hit me, this is a Grand Ball. A ball. We are indeed supposed to dance in this event. To waltz, specifically. Oh my freaking God, wala akong alam sa tamang pag-waltz. Napag-aralan ba namin ito noong mga nakaraang grade levels ko? Kung oo, I swear hindi ako nakikinig sa lesson na iyon. Shit, kung alam ko lang, sana inaral ko pa 'yon noon.
Ilang segundo na siguro akong walang kibo dito. The Prince awkwardly strengthens his posture and gives my hand another soft squeeze. His cold fingers against my skin give me restlessness. As if I never ever wanted to be touched by him.
The Prince nervously shuffles his feet. I take a deep breath. Maybe dancing with this guy won't do any harm, right? So I nodded at him and said, "ofcourse."
He leads me to the center of the ball room, a spot near to the golden dragon statue, so it hoveres over the two of us in its full shimmering glory. The music is still playing from somewhere and reverberating around the wide space, muffling the chatters of hundreds of voices.
Prince Quincy slips his hand on my waist. An action that almost made me flinch.Oh my God, kailan ba kasi ako masasanay sa skin contact? Dinaan ko nalang sa malalim na hininga itong nararamdaman ko. I raise my other hand and place it on the back of his shoulder.
He took a side step, and I followed. Then another side step, and I nervously imitate the move. Kung ganito lang ang magiging steps namin, siguro naman mairaraos ko itong Waltz na ito—
There it is again, the feeling of an outstretched cord in front of me. A cord that seems to tug the back of my brain, telling me to follow wherever it has to go. Something is here. It appears to whisper in my ears. Someone is here.
"Princess Blaidrah, are you feeling good?" Prince Quincy asks.
"Huh? Oh yes. I am having a blast!" I lied.
Then far across the room, where the big and tall door is broadly opened, a familiar man is standing.
The outstretched cord expands more and farther, then points at him. Him. It seems to say. He is here.
"I always wanted to get to know you better," Prince Quincy said. "You seem to be a very interesting person!"
Dark pants tightly hug the man's long limbs, which outlines his form even more. He is only wearing a black and white tuxedo, which looks so plain in the middle of a mass full of people in sparkling and expensive clothes, yet he's whole presence is so loud that even the other people around him are glancing at his appearance.
" —I have the blessing of the gods, so marrying a Princess like you would make so much sense!" Prince Quincy continued.
His outfit may not have any rubies or shining decorations on it, but God damn his face is one of the most beautiful things I saw in this place. Perfectly refined jaw, hooded eyes, sharp upturned nose, and a neatly combed raven black hair.
" —The partnership of our kingdoms would be very strong, Princess Blaidrah— "
I almost yelped in surprise when the man met my gaze. My heart beats faster inside my ribs. I held back a gasp while trying to maintain my eyes on him. He caught me staring at him. In this whole wide space. In this space full of people, we managed to lock in each other's gazes.
Something about the newly arrived man that brings me close to him, as if he is a freaking magnet. There's a soft gaze in his eyes that tells me that he's been looking for me too. I want to walk towards him, maybe hold his hand as well and so we could dance too—
"Right, Princess?" Prince Quincy asked, in a voice louder than before.
I blinked. Muli kong binalik ang tingin sa lalaking kaharap ko. Oh shit, nakakahiya naman. Wala sa kasayaw ko ang atensyon ko. At mukhang napansin iyon ni Prince Quincy kaya lalo niya akong nilapit sa katawan niya at sumabay sa bumibilis na timbre ng music.
My whole body seems to know what it's doing, in my amazement. The motions of the steps feel familiar in my limbs and I know how to handle the movements of my big and puffed out gown. Inaasahan ko na at least ilang beses kong maapakan ang gown ko o ang paa ng kasayaw ko, pero hindi iyon nangyari, surprisingly. My entire system appears to be very well-known with the phases of the dance.
Everything about this place feels familiar yet unfamiliar.
Sinubukan ko na muling tignan ang bagong dating na lalaki sa may pintuan, nang bigla akong inikot ng Prinsipe. Something na hindi ko inaasahan na gawin niya kaya tuluyan ko ng naapakan ang dulo ng gown ko. Pero dahil sa mahigpit na kapit sa akin ay hindi naman ako natumba. The Prince's grip is way too tight for my comfort. His movements are fast and demanding.
I glanced at the doorway again, only to find the handsome man missing. My stomach does a double knot as I watch the empty space. Shit, I lost him. Where is he —
"Princess Blaidrah, you seem very distracted tonight!" Prince Quincy suddenly exclaimed as we swayed side to side. "Are you feeling good?"
"Sorry," sabi ko. "I.. just.. Uhm.. you know? This kind of stuff still makes me nervous."
He snorted. "I cannot believe that you're still anxious of these events—"
I roam my eyes around, looking for the familiar handsome face to appear from the crowd. Masses of bodies are moving around, their muffled chatter filling the active atmosphere of the room, which makes my head feel dizzy. Ang daming tao. At hindi pa nakakatulong ang mahigpit na kapit sa akin ng Prinsipe pati na rin ang boses niya na hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pagdaldal, at unti unti na akong naiirita. Pwede bang manahimik nalang siya? Bakit ba kasi kailangan niya pa magsalita ganong tono?
Inikot ko ang tingin ko sa kabuuan ng Ballroom, paano ko ba naalis ang tingin ko sa matangkad na lalaki na iyon?
Prince Quincy continues to lead our dance. We side-stepped, we swayed, we twirled, catching up to the fast and lively rhythm of the music echoing around the wide ballroom. Yet I cannot stay still, where the hell is the newly arrived man na ba kasi? There is something about him that draws me to him, especially to the way he looked at me. I have to talk with that guy, I have to know who he is, I have to be with that person. Because if not, I feel like I'll combust here and cast everything in fire.
"You dance very well, Princess! As expected!" Prince Quincy exclaimed.
Then, across the room, somewhere in the far and slightly dimmed corner of the room, my eyes fixated on the handsome man's face. The imaginary cord tugs the back of my mind, there he is. There he is. He was talking with someone a few feet shorter than him so his side-profile is facing my direction. Of-freaking-course, he is probably a royal blood too, a Prince maybe? Because he doesn't need any shimmering expensive clothes and jewelry and pins to fit in, his existence alone is more mesmerizing than everyone else in this room. He is enchanting.
Prince Quincy let go of my hand and slipped his hand away from my waist. Cold air replaces the areas he held, and it actually feels good, I feel unrestricted. Ngumiti sa akin at Prinsipe at nag-bow. Out of panic, binaba ko rin ang ulo ko, bahagyang tinaas ang skirt ng gown ko at nag-bow din sa kanya.
"It is a beautiful dance, Princess Blaidrah of Shirene. I hope that this will not be our first and last," he said.
Because I am a dumbass, I replied, "Uh, yeah. I hope."
Binalik ko ulit tingin sa lalaki sa dulo ng ballroom, at halos tumalon nang makitang nakatingin din siya sa akin. At para 'bang panandaliang tumigil ang oras, kahit na napakaraming tao sa paligid niya ay kitang kita ko siya. Soft fluttering plays inside my guts, my heart beats loudly in my ears. Tranquility seems to quietly flow in my veins, and oh God for after what seems to be eternity, I feel calm. Then for a moment, it seems like we are the only ones existing in this place, for gently, so gently, his thin lips lifted into a small smile. You're here.
I take small steps towards him. Then he seems to take it as a signal for I saw his mouth form an 'excuse me' to the person he was talking to. He also gently taps the shoulders of the men standing in his way as an excuse and starts walking towards my direction too. An explosion of butterflies blasts in my stomach. I cannot stop the grin forming in my lips. Kahit na halos nasa magkabilang dulo kami ng ballroom ay hindi niya inalis ang tingin sa akin habang palapit siya nang palapit sa akin.
My whole entire system can't wait to be near him, kaya madalang kong inangat ko ang skirt ng gown ko at naglakad para salubungin siya. Lalong lumapad ang ngiti niya na lalong nagpapabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. The fast pace of my beating heart actually feels nice, kasi hindi ko nararamdaman na para 'bang sinasakal ako at wala rin ang panginginig sa katawan ko. It's just from excitement. It's happiness.
Kusang gumagawa ng daan ang mga tao sa paligid ko, naririnig ko ang karamihan sa kanila na binabati ako pero hindi na ako tumigil at batiin sila pabalik, ayaw ko na magsayang pa ng ilang segundo. The crowd parts, the man getting nearer and nearer, my steps getting bigger and bigger, and we're getting closer and closer. Then he is finally within my arm reach—
Isang malamig na kamay ang pumatong sa balikat ko. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad, pati na rin ang lalaki. Nilingon ko ito at nakita ang Reyna na nakatingin sa akin, "Saan ka pupunta, anak? Dito ko lang muna, marami pa ang gustong makilala ka!"
Halos itaboy ko ang kamay niyang nakakapit sa balikat ko pero pinigilan ko ang sarili. Ngayon pa talaga? Inalis niya ang kamay sa balikat ko pero hinawakan naman niya ang mga braso ko, na para bang alam niyang lalayas ako kapag binitawan niya ako. Which is true, I am willing to walk away from them, but the Queen's hand wrapping around my arms is deadly strong.
"Preoryn Kingdom!" Biglang anunsyo na naman ng Hari na katabi pa rin pala ng Reyna. Oh, kaya naman pala hindi ako pwede basta basta umalis at tumungo sa nais kong puntahan dahil hindi pa pala tapos trabaho ko dito. To meet all the men from different families. To see the options I have.
Binalik ko ang tingin sa lalaki, na ngayon ay nakatigil din at mukhang walang balak lapitan ako. Understandable, since the Queen is literally gripping me. Nagkibit-balikat ako bilang pagpapasensya sa nangyayari, patagong hinihiling na sana makuha niya ang nais kong iparating.
Ngumiti din siya at tumango tango. Lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko dahil mukhang naintindihan naman niya ang ibig sabihin ko. The man brushes his hand on the back of his neck and tears his gaze from me. I saw the tips of his ears turning pink. His feet are now nervously shuffling on the floor. Oh my God, he's embarrassed.
I giggled from his reaction. Then the Queen tugged arm, "Blaidrah, this is the next family! Compose yourself!"
Sinubukan kong mag-focus dito sa pamilyang kaharap ko, pero pasikreto ko pa ring pinapanood ang lalaki na makisalamuha sa mga tao sa peripheral vision ko.
The cord stretches, it never stops pointing out that the man over there is him. A person that I feel I should be with. Not with the families and loud talkative princes. Just with the Enchanting man of the ballroom.
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