TW!: Depression, self-hate, Mention of s/lf-h/rm and su/c/de
Reader caution advised!
As an Empath, Keefe knew a lot about emotions. He prided himself in his ability to know Foster's emotions better than she knew herself. From his father he'd inherited his ability which far exceeded most other empaths. Of course, even with all the practise in reading emotions he'd gotten from hanging around Foster, he was aware that there were some emotions he didn't know yet. Elves were prone to emotions on the spectrum of happy, sad, angry and it was rare to find other emotions as their body's couldn't handle them well.
Keefe had experienced guilt as an emotion several times and had long since decided it was the worst thing one could possibly feel as an elf. As such, he tried to make sure no one went down the road of guilt. He made sure to touch his friends often enough to see if their emotional balance had changed but not too often so as not to seem suspicious. Through this he discovered a lot about his friends.
Foster's emotions were the most wide-spread, ranging from happiness and hope, to despair and hurt, to confused and worried. Keefe was able to figure out where all these emotions came from more often than not and tried to help her relax.
Fitz was holding a lot of anger and frustration at not being capable enough or whatever, but calmed down around Dex so Keefe did his best to push then to spend more time together.
Dex was almost always calm unless frustrated with his gadgets or worried for everyone's safety. He seemed to enjoy being around Fitz, his emotions becoming s whirlwind of butterflies when he was near.
Biana showed strong determination and resolve, often planning ahead and being prepared. Keefe mostly let her be.
And Linh. Linh was her usual bubbly self but the longer Keefe checker her emotions, the more he noticed her growing worry that started to consume her. Eventually he had to confront her.
"Why are you always so worried?"
At first, Linh denied being worried at all and it took Keefe admitting he'd been checking her emotions for a while that she finally conceded.
"I'm worried about Tam."
Now, normally Keefe wouldn't care much about bangs boy, but the sheer amount of concern in everything Linh did was enough to worry anyone.
"Why are you worried about him?"
Linh seemed equal parts relieved and scared to tell another elf what was on her mind.
"Tam is acting strange. I'll find him in his room just staring at the wall not reacting to anything. He's constantly awake at night and I sometimes think I hear crying but when I go check he says he's fine. I've also caught him hiding things and sometimes when I go to his room, he has his window open and is sitting outside on the windowsill."
As Linh talked, Keefe felt his own concern growing. Stupid bangs boy. In a split-second decision he offered the only thing he could think of.
"Would you like me to check his emotions? See if he's okay?"
As soon as he said it, he wanted to take it back. But Linh looked so grateful, he knew he had to try.
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The next day at Foxfire, all appeared normal. Biana was harassing Sophie and Fitz, Dex was pretending he wasn't staring at the Vacker boy's smile, and Linh was dragging Tam over with help from Marella. Keefe looked over at Tam. Now that Linh had pointed out Tam's behaviour, he began to notice small changes in his appearance as well. His bangs were covering his eyes more than normal now, his shoulders were ever so slightly slumped, and he'd wrapped bits of ribbon around his wrists to prevent his sleeves from slipping up.
Since Keefe needed to touch skin to properly use empathy, that meant he had to either touch Tam's face or hands. Keefe figured that hands would be less suspicious so when they all split up for classes, he brushed by bangs boy and their hands touched for a brief moment. Instantly he was flooded by a feeling of complete and utter hopelessness mixed with pain worse than guilt. Keefe tried desperately to find a name for the pain as it threatened to overwhelm him. 'Self-hate' his brain supplied as he was pushed back into reality as his hand was disconnected from Tam's.
Stumbling slightly from the force he had just experienced he watched as Tam walked away apparently unaware of the contact. Keefe did his best to ignore the glances Ro sent his way as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. What was that emotion that involved self-hate and how long had Tam been feeling like this?
Despite only being exposed to the feeling for a second, he felt tired and drained. This worried him even more. Empathy didn't let him experience emotions as strong as they were, which meant that Tam was feeling worse than what he felt, probably all the time. The more he thought about it the more he questioned how Tam's mind wasn't broken yet. Was this a normal feeling for shades? Keefe doubted it. He knew he couldn't tell Linh. Since Tan was trying so hard to hide from her, it would probably make it worse if he shared what he found. First things first, he had to skip Elvin history to do some research. Waving at Ro to follow, he headed to the library.
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Keefe leapt home in a bad mood. Despite reading almost every book on empathy the library had, he'd been unable to find any mention of the emotion that was consuming Tam. As much as he hated to do this, he had to talk to his father. If anyone knew more about emotions than any elf would ever need to know, it would be Cassius Sencen. Ro disagreed with his choice but after a lot of grumbling agreed with the condition of being present for the entire conversation. Eventually, Keefe found Cassius in his study. His father seemed very surprised to see him which, Keefe supposed, he couldn't be faulted for.
"To what do I owe this visit? Another detention note perhaps?"
Keefe swallowed, the reality of what he was going to ask finally sinking in.
"I have an empathy related question."
Cassius's face softened the tiniest bit possible and he offered Keefe a chair, putting his book away and giving his son his undivided attention. Ro stood behind Keefe as he fidgeted in his chair trying to phrase his question properly. In the end, he simply blurted out.
"What emotion involves self-hate?"
Cassius's shock was overcome by wary concern.
"Why are you involved with emotions like that?"
Keefe rushed to find and excuse. While not his best work, it did it's job and his father leaned back in his chair.
"There are, some 'emotions', that involve self-hate. Emotions more damaging than guilt for the Elvin min. Though extremely rare here, they are unfortunately quite common among humans."
Keefe leaned forward a bit.
"So humans can handle it but elves can't?"
Cassius frowned.
"If the human in question were to reach out for help, time and care could cure it. I suppose it's been done."
Keefe looked confused.
"How do you cure an emotion?"
Cassius thought for a moment.
"It's more of an illness. A mental disorder fuelled by dark emotions such as self-hate. Left to itself or hidden, humans suffering revert to self-harm for release. In the worst stage, humans consider taking their own life and not exactly few have done so."
Keefe shuddered to think of it. Hating yourself so much to the point of taking your life? But that hopeless feeling of emptiness was exactly what he'd felt from Tam.
"If an elf had this illness, how long could they last?"
Cassius's face was grave.
"If their mind doesn't shatter completely within two months? A year at the very most if they have loved ones. Half a year with resolve alone. A few months if going completely without any help."
By now, Keefe was panicking. He'd started to feel Linh's worry almost three months ago but it had been slow progress until recently which meant, Tam could have been in this stare for way longer than he had thought. Taking a breath to calm himself, he asked his final question.
"Does the illness have a name?"
His father smiled ruefully.
"Depression."
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A/n: Please read!
I already have the rest of this written on paper but I decided to break it up and edit some later parts that I'm not happy with. I also didn't want to type this all in one go.
I apologize in advance for any mistakes. If you have any suggestions or changes, please let me know nicely.
Opaz out!!!