[ TW: mentions of past sexual assault/ rape]
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Time spilt like the cruel thing she was as Louis felt his breath being held by her, hazy eyes blinking to understand what Harry had just said.
"You wrote to me?" The words felt like bile in his mouth, every twist of his tongue as though over shards of glass.
The omega shuddered, taking a step away from Louis as his gaze fell to the floor, a painful tear slipping past his malachite eyes. Louis did not know what to do, although he could feel a shadow of a thought erupting inside of him, something he dearly wished was not true. It couldn't be.
"I wrote to you," Harry affirmed as his voice broke into painful flashes of memory before his hands trembled and he closed them into stubborn fists. "I wrote to you for months and each time you returned the letters to me, seal broken and silence in return." And he breathed shallowly, looking up as though accusing Louis but his voice was a shattered cry. "I wrote to you, Louis."
"I received none of your letters." The words did not sit right on his tongue, they did not feel right. Harry wrote to him. Harry, with whom he was mournfully in love. Harry, who was Louis' everything. Harry, who Louis allowed to break his heart more than once. "Whom did you address them to? I was not aware of where I was being taken to, how were you writing to me?"
"I addressed them to you! I wrote to you! Leah told me where you were residing. I wrote to you for months, Louis. Months and months and months I wrote and I waited and I got my heart broken."
"Leah," Louis whispered, his chest tightening. Harry had tears in his eyes as the candles flickered their golden hue in their shimmer, winds growing while the curtains swayed, wrapping around their frozen frames. "Of all people... you trusted Leah."
"I merely wanted to write to you." Harry's voice shattered Louis. He had never heard the omega being so vulnerable. His frame shook as he wrapped his arms around himself, looking away from Louis and at the dying moon that struggled behind the clouds be holding a storm. "I shouldn't have trusted her, should I? I was so hopeless and all I wanted to do was write to you, assure myself that you were alright, that... that you thought of me, too. How foolish of me to trust her," he scoffed at the end, laughing hollowly.
Louis did not know what to say, for he was not able to carry the weight of Harry's confession. Harry wrote to him. Harry wanted to know Louis was doing alright, he wanted the assurance that Louis thought of him. He wanted Louis just as much as Louis had wanted him. Louis' heart broke a little when he realised how much time they had lost, how many moments they could have been each other's if fate had not been so cruel.
"Why? Of all people, why did you trust her?! You never even talked to her before! How could you think I wouldn't return your letters if I had bloody gotten them?!" His voice sliced through the ceiling of their chambers and Louis' chest ached. He felt helpless and bound and paralysed. He could have had everything he had desired, he could have loved Harry completely. But he could not. "You knew I had loved you since forever, most ardently so, I had promised to make you mine all those years ago and yet you questioned my love for you merely for the reason that I did not return your letters. Which, I never received."
"What was I supposed to do, Louis?" Harry screamed, his eyes wide and maniac as he faced him. The winds grew louder and Louis felt his own eyes sting with everything. "You never told me you loved me, you merely spent time with me, and do not tell me you were not sleeping with other omegas at the capital, everyone knew. And when -- when on my nameday you promised you would make me yours, I was certain you were going to confess you loved me too."
"You..." Louis' heart fastened its beats as he neared Harry, unable to stand his distressed scent. "You loved me?"
"More than anything. And I feared you didn't. I was so much younger than you, lower in rank, youngest of my family and I had not even had my first heat -- why would you ever love me?" When Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, he broke down into trembling sobs, fisting Louis' nightshirt as though he was being taken away again. "You did not even bid me farewell. You never said you were going away forever."
"I wanted to, more than anything I wanted to hold you in my arms and give you something of mine, but your lord father was persistent. I wished to have asked to court you on your sixteenth nameday." The wetness of Harry's tears on his skin was akin to acid, and Louis wanted to scream. "I had even asked my mother for our ancestral necklace just so I could present it to you. I did not realise they were going to send me away for so long when I was being taken to the capital, or else I would have duelled your lord father to allow you and I a moment."
"I love you still," Harry whispered and the world stopped. Wide-eyed, Louis looked at his bride to find him staring at Louis longingly, as though the confession had been hollow. "And I wanted to tell you for so long, all those summers we spent together, I wished for nothing more than to tell you. But I feared what we had was merely something you wanted for pleasure, for you never attempted to court me. And then Leah--"
"Leah," Louis growled. He did not understand why she was as resolute to ruin everything in Louis' life. He had never been cruel to her, never treated her with disrespect. "What did she do?"
"She told me you would never wed me. I... I was tainted, I would merely ruin your bloodline. W-w-whores like myself did not deserve a prince such as you."
"She told you all of this?"
"Among other things, yes," Harry's voice was barely there as if he was fearful of anyone hearing him. Louis did not know what to say, how to decipher what he had been told but then Harry spoke again, voice so frail that Louis had to hide him in his embrace. "I did not want it, Lou," he said, whimpering and Louis felt his stomach lurch. "You had always asked me if something h-had happened w-while you were... you were gone and I would always s-say it h-hadn't. I w-was so terrified that -- that you would not believe m-me i-if I h-had told you the t-truth."
"Harry--" Louis' throat closed and his breathing faltered. No. It could not be. And as Harry's cries morphed with his breath, heart erratic against Louis' chest, Louis held his sentiments. "You mustn't force it if you do not wish to tell me."
"No, I must! It has been killing me from within! I cannot hold this inside of me anymore. Please, do not hate me. I did not want it, Louis, I promise I did not."
Louis pressed his lips against Harry's temple as he held him closer, his heart aching realising his deepest fear was in fact true. "I love you, I love you. I love you no matter. I love you."
"I-It was two summers a-after you w-were gone," Harry's voice trembled akin to his frame but Louis stood as stern as a rock for the two of them, soothing his hand over the expanse of Harry's back. "I had s-spent the past summer writing to you and then I had l-l-lost hope. I was m-mending my b-broken heart, Louis, blurring m-my reality with liquor. Our f-families were spending the s-summer together habitually, and I... I had begun talking more and more w-with Leah because she had your eyes. I should not have! I should not have done that, Lou! I was intoxicated but I know I refused him. I fought, too, but they were so much stronger and Leah used her voice."
Words lost in his throat, Louis felt every inch of him break. Harry cried silently, holding Louis as if he was fire in a winter blaze. He could not think, could not breathe. But he needed to know. "W-who is 'him'?"
"Leah's lover," Harry whispered against Louis' neck, whimpering. He gasped, tightening his hold around Louis. "S-she had asked me to keep her c-c-company while she met up with him in secr-cret. I s-s-sh..ould not have gone with her. The-they did— did not stop, Louis. Leah held me down while -- while her lover -- he... I did not want it, Lou, I wanted to save myself for you. But she watched. I pleaded her to h-h-help me but she w-watched as he had his way with m-me."
"I am going to burn her alive," Louis growled, attempting to pull away only to be held back by an agonising whimper. Harry clutched onto him so fiercely that his fingers were surely going to leave imprints on Louis' skin. That ache amounted to nothing in front of what Louis was feeling within. He had never felt so helpless. He had failed Harry, failed to protect him, to gain his trust, to make him feel safe enough to lift this weight off his chest. He had to live with such a heavy moment buried within him for years and years.
"Do not leave me," Harry pleaded. Louis could not take it. He was not strong enough and he broke, holding the love of his life, whom he had failed miserably. "It isn't your fault. You were not there."
"I should have been. I should h-have been there to p-p-protect you." A sob spilt out of his chest and he trembled until both of them fell to their knees, holding each other while the first splash of the rain slithered in through the balcony. "And I was not."
"You did not know. I should have known bette—"
"Do not blame yourself. It was not your fault. Never your fault, darling. The world is too cruel and I cannot apologise enough for having left you alone in it."
"You did not know," Harry whispered, weeping silently as he held Louis' head to his chest, palm caressing his hair. Shouldn't Louis be the one consoling him?
"You did not either."
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It was hauntingly dark and the candles died with the growling winds. Louis watched the omega in his arms sleep, dried tracts of tears a painful reminder that Louis had not merely had a nightmare and it was, in fact, his reality. He now lived with the reminder that he failed Harry. He now lived with the truth that someone in this world had completely broken Harry. And he now lived with the truth that the person was his sister.
Examining Harry's breathing, Louis slipped his arm from under his head before placing a pillow he had scented. When Harry did not stir awake, Louis glanced at him a final time, unable to believe that someone had done such a cruel thing to someone like Harry. The thought haunted him, like a memory carved on his skin with a poisoned dagger. His eyes began to water again and he looked away, getting out of their nest. The halls were quiet and dark, with no soul to watch as Louis descended into the darkness and out of the manor.
Rain welcomed him like an old mate and he cried then. He howled with the winds as he fell to his knees, uncaring of the freezing raindrops or of how his knees must have bled against the cobblestones. He felt hollow as if his heart had been clawed out of his chest and crumbled in front of him.
He never had a loving home, not a mother who held him in her embrace nor a father who guided him. He had spent his days with his servants, with tutors and with trainers. And then one day, Harry came into his life. Wrapped in ostentatious cotton as the present he was, pink and small with the prettiest eyes Louis had ever seen. When he had held him for the very first moment, Louis knew the omega was gifted. No, he was no wizard, nor a scholar, but he was Louis' everything. And as they grew, Louis fell in love with him somewhere in between, so hopelessly that he feared he was going to explode with how much ardour he held for the boy within him.
He failed that Harry. He failed to protect that Harry. Someone in this world had hurt Harry, robbed him of his virtue, and shattered his soul. And he was all alone. For years he did not have anyone. Even when Louis returned, he made Harry feel as though he was worth nothing more than a body to warm Louis' bed. Louis should have known. He should have known Harry would not just bed anyone. He should have persisted Harry to speak the truth. He should have made him feel safe enough to be honest.
Louis had failed in every aspect of his life.
So he cried and screamed until his lungs ached and yet he did not halt, voice gone and eyes unable to make out tears from the raindrops. He felt nothing as he sat there, Harry's broken voice repeating itself inside his mind. I pleaded her to help me but she watched as he had his way with me. How could anyone do that? To Harry? To anyone who breathed? To anyone who begged for mercy? To someone they had grown up with? How could Leah do that?
He knew Leah had a lover, a rogue alpha for whom she had given up the throne. He should have told their father on the day of her abdication. He should have done her no favour by protecting her true reasons. If he had done so, Harry would have never gone through such a thing, and they would have been able to have their love. Louis would not have lost half a decade of his being only to be inadequate for his father in every sense.
"You mustn't punish yourself, Lou." Startled, Louis looked up to find Harry in front of him, rain soaking him as his sombre eyes looked down at him.
"Go inside, precious. This is no safe weather for you."
"As it isn't for you." When his fingertips touched Louis' forearm, Louis held back a sob. How could anyone wrong Harry? "Lou," he whispered when Louis began to walk inside, not having the courage to look at him. He stalled until the omega found himself in front of him, frigid arms wrapping around Louis and his lips pressing against his temple. Louis crumbled. "I am safe now," he said. "In your arms. I am safe."
"I will be demanding justice," Louis growled, pulling his omega closer. "And I shall be the one to execute her."
"You will do no such thing." Harry's lilt was stern, ferocious even, something Louis had not heard in such intensity before. "This is my battle and I shall be the one to seek justice when I wish to. All I ask of you is to remain by my side and hold me at every step. As the sun will rise after tonight, we shall never see them again. I won't visit the capital and neither will I ever welcome them to our home. I wish to forget about her existence and begin again with you."
"How am I to allow her to live freely being aware of her sins? Would you have spared someone if they would have wronged me so deeply?"
"I would not have," Harry spoke instantly. "However, if you would have asked me to allow you the freedom to decide for yourself, I would have granted you that, and I would have loved you enough to erase the ache the past brought you."
"I—" as his voice cracked and he inhaled Harry's scent, Louis sighed. Raindrops fell on them as if the sky wept along them. "I wish I had not left."
"You cannot reside in the past."
"You cannot reside in the future as long as the past haunts you." Thunder roared as the sky brightened with a split of a lightning, Harry's eyes held the tremor of it. He inched closer and he kissed Louis, so deeply that Louis tasted the salt of their tears and the sweetness of Harry. He tasted Harry's pain and his love and somewhere he could not decipher between Harry and him.
"You must have faith. Have faith in the future, Louis."
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Thoughts?
I know this was a heavy chapter but it was necessary.