——— volume one
APOCALYPSE
Ten things I hate about Steve Harrington, written by Lucille Hopper.
June eighth, 1983.
One! Steve Harrington is a giant, incompetent douchebag. If only his brain were as big as his hair, than maybe his problems would be solved. All of our problems would be solved, as a matter of fact, because all problems are rooted to Steven Harrington. World hunger, poverty, the epidemic of jazzercise, it's all linked to Steve! There hasn't been one time where I sat and thought to myself, wow, I just love it when Steve opens his mouth! Scratch the douchebag part, even, he's got rocks for brains.
Two! His legs are hairier than the back of Ms. O'Donnel's neck. Becky called me weird for noticing this, but how can I not when he's walking with two giant, fuzzy carpets? You can braid all that hair, I swear to god. I don't expect him to do anything about it, but I get pissed off and nauseous whenever I see that sad excuse for limbs.
Three! Steve Harrington crashed my car. I just got my learners permit on the sixth, and what do you know, the car I had been saving up for is in the junkyard! It was a white Volkswagen beetle, a car that a big buffoon like him should keep away from. I should blame my brother. I do blame my brother for taking Steve with him, but Steve's the one that crashed it into a giant pole. God, I hate him. I'm never letting Steve Harrington in a car again!
Four! I don't like the way he talks to me. Every time he opens his mouth, all I hear is blah, blah, blah. I haven't met a man so sassy in my fifteen and a half years of living! He has no business calling me a bitch, only I can call him that, because that's what he is. It has to be some sort of disrespect. Steve Harrington wasn't taught manners.
Five! He's cute.
Six! Steve Harrington is a starer. I was sitting in algebra on Tuesday and felt someone staring at me. So, I turned around, and what do I see? Steve Harrington's beady eyes boring into the side of my skull. His face lit up like a goddamn tomato and we made painfully awkward eye contact. It was his fault! Eyes to yourself, Harrington.
Seven! His shoes squeak against the floor with every step he takes. It's those Adidas, I've been saying it for years. His feet are already abnormally large, but those things slap the ground with so much force that I can feel my brain rattle. It's how I know Steve's near. If the grounds shaking, it's Steve Harrington and his heavy steps. I'm surprised he doesn't say fee-fi-foo-fum when he walks.
Eight! Steve Harrington stole my brother. My brother is annoying and I hate him, but he's still my brother. Who am I supposed to get into a screaming match with, Nancy? No, my brother! Now, Danny's never home because he's with the one and only Hair Harrington. Never tell this to Dan, I would rather drink a bottle of gasoline than have him know that I miss his company. What pisses me off most is that Daniel sees Steve as his brother, so that places Steve over me on the importance scale! Unbelievable.
Nine! He made me laugh the other day. I sat there in pure disbelief and have been angry since.
Ten! It is so, unbelievably, impossibly hard to hate Steve Harrington. I wrote these to convince myself. I say I hate his hair, and I do, but I don't. He always tries to cheer me up, he always tries to make me feel better. And that makes me more angry! I don't want to see his stupid face. I'm glad I introduced him to Nancy. I'm fine. I hate Steve Harrington's stupid face and his stupid laugh, and mostly his stupid hair. I just hate him.
"but mostly i hate the way i don't hate you. not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."
— STEVE HARRINGTON AND LUCY HOPPER
i. daughter of a cop, tv girl. ii. lucy in the sky with diamonds, the beatles. iii. my girl, the temptations. iv. i only have eyes for you, the flamingos. v. hopelessly devoted to you, olivia newton john. vi. isn't she lovely, stevie wonder. vii. lover, you should've come over, jeff buckley. viii. about you, the 1975. ix. apocalypse, cigarettes after sex.
"your brain is made of hairspray and the sound of your voice is making me angry."
— lucy hopper
"yeah, i love you, too."
— steve harrington
rewrite started: january 10, 2023!
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holy shit i'm so excited
hi can anyone read this tell me if it notified you that i republished the chapter right before this, the one called apocalypse?? pls anyone my wattpad is glitching out lol i tried to republish it
last update for a little while i hate it when ppl spam rewrites