"There's nowhere you can be, that isn't where you're supposed to be" — The Beatles (All you need is love)
Shehzer's POV:
I still have a month left in my Lahore internship, but I feel like my heart is stuck in Karachi. It feels good to be doing something positive for my country, and I cannot deny the whole Lahore experience, but Karachi feels very close to home.
Mina's recent plight might have something to do with it. Seeing her on the roof, after the breakup was physically painful for me. I couldn't bear her agony, and mental anguish. The way she painted to forget, was extremely difficult to watch. I didn't even mind her rejection of my help; it was her defense mechanism trying to protect against more hurt. I hated Areeb's miserable guts for turning Mina into an insecure, self-conscious girl. Someone who was full of self-doubt. No girl should ever be made to feel less than lovable. I hated being away from her, where I couldn't help her get out of the misery and depression she seemed to be in.
Perhaps I should be glad over this breakup, but I just can't bring myself to feel joy in something that has caused her so much pain and suffering. I would rather see her happy with someone else, than miserable without them. I don't think I have ever felt this selfless for another person, outside of my own family. Maybe that's why I know that, for me, this girl is "It". She is my "The One".
Which makes me worried about another matter; should I risk approaching her again?
The thing is, I don't want to seem too arrogant, and opportunistic in front of her. I don't want to be the person who takes advantage of her at a low point of her life. She will end up hating me if I push too soon for her hand again.
I brooded over her reactions to myself, over the course of the summer. While she had never openly declared any feelings for me (makes sense, as she was already committed at that time), she also never explicitly said that she would be averse to the idea of us together. I remember her unwillingness to reject my first proposal all those months ago; she was trying to protect me from getting hurt.
I don't know why, but in retrospect, this white lie of hers now seemed sort of encouraging to me.
I skyped with Mom for some relationship advice, but it took a while for me to muster enough courage, and broach the "Mina topic". So after an hour of listening to her complain about the flight route, and recalling all the local news from Maryland, I prodded her towards the critical subject at hand:
"Ahem. Mom, I was wondering, if a person just got out of a bad relationship; how soon is it "Ok" for us to approach them, you know, as a prospective partner?" I bite my lip after letting out this question.
Mom is quiet for a few minutes, before she says; "Is this about Mina?"
I stay silent. Letting her make the connection on her own. She takes in a long ragged breath.
"Judging from your excited response, I'm assuming this is about her. Shazz. Sweetie. Are you sure you want to get involved in this? The girl is obviously emotionally distraught, how can she possibly be a good partner for you right now? Or even in the future? What if she still as feelings for her ex-fiance? How can you possibly live with someone who is hung up on another man?"
I am dumbstruck.
How stupid can a person get?
I never even considered this possibility. How absolutely arrogant of me to assume that she would automatically switch off her feelings for Areeb, and start a relationship with me. My bruised male ego refuses to even consider the possibility of sharing Mina with anyone. Even her thoughts should be mine, and mine alone. I want her completely. Entirely. It will kill me to get less than all from her. Maybe with another girl, it might have been possible for me to overlook the possibility, but Mina was different. It was irrational, and unfair of me, but with Mina, I tended to get irrational and unfair.
Mom hesitantly prods me; "Shazz? you there honey?"
I swallow noisily, "Yeah Mom. I'm here."
"I can talk to Ayesha and Amin (her parents) if you wish?" She suggests hesitantly.
I'm not sure talking to her parents will accomplish anything at this point. I need to sort it out myself. Maybe she doesn't feel anything for me right now, but I can give it space for now. She might be able to forget to Areeb given enough time. My heart sinks at the prospect of an unrequited love. My mouth twists into a bitter smile.
I never imagined myself; Shehzer Khan being reduced to this level. Felled by a girl with crazy hair, and a crazier laugh. Figures.
....................
Mina's POV:
Simba is my favorite thing in the world right now. I'm literally carrying him everywhere I possibly can. For the past week, he has accompanied me to work, to a graduation party I had to attend, even on a long-drive I took with Adiba.
My family cannot understand my attachment to something with so much "Hair" on it. Mom hates all the fur he sheds over the couches. Ali steadfastly refuses to be in the same room as him. Dad pretends to like Simba for my sake, but I saw him frowning at the kitty, more than once. The only one, who genuinely likes my new pet is Kulsoom Nani.
Oh, don't get me wrong! the dragon pretty much humiliates, and criticizes my cat, at every meow he utters, but I know for a fact that it's all a ruse. She may threaten to step on Simba almost on an hourly basis, but I saw her feed the kitty bits of food when she thought no one was looking. Her affection towards the cat is very much like her affection towards all of humanity in general; pretend to hate them, but secretly love them.
For the past few days, I have been going out of the house as much as I can. I want to become the old Mina. The one who wasn't a depressed, emo-post-break-up-version of Mina. It was hard to intermingle with extended family members, but I forced myself to go to a couple of events with my family. Halfway through the party, I was ready to escape the probing questions, and pitiful stares. It took a lot of courage, (and a lot of Simba-stroking) to survive the ordeal. I never knew how hard it was; being "Less-than-perfect". I was always the girl other girls envied. I was always the daughter other parents coveted. I was always the person everyone enjoyed being around. It felt weird standing at the receiving end of pity, criticism and open curiosity.
"I was DEVASTATED when I heard about your engagement Mina!" a female relative, I barely know approaches me. "I said to myself at the ceremony, this couple looks so beautiful together, they should pray against nazar (Evil Eye)" She sympathetically pats the hand holding Simba to my chest. "Did you pray against Nazar?"
My loyal kitty lets out an adorable hiss and swipes at the intrusion.
EMV urges Simba; 'Go ahead you fur-ball!! scratch that manicure right off! SCRATCH!"
I kind of hate this typical "Pakistani Women" mindset. Not only do they have an opinion about everything under the sun, they are extremely vocal, and often callously insensitive to other people's feelings regarding said opinions. This particular "Auntie" was getting on my nerves, with her assumption that I wasn't aware of prerequisite Duas (prayers) for protection.
This gets me thinking about other pet peeves. The fact that people assume that something bad happened to you because "You didn't pray" or "Didn't give charity" or "Did something Anti-Islamic". Dude. STOP! Bad things happen to good people all the time. It is simply a test from Allah. Ups and downs are a part of life; they don't mean "Punishment for bad deeds". If God were to settle all good/bad deeds in this life, why would he ever bother to create an after-life? Or heaven and hell?
I barely make polite conversation after 5 or 6 similar encounters with overly-sympathetic females. On the car-ride home, I am not the only one who is quiet. My parents had to face such "Talks" too. People were pushing all sorts of weird proposals for me, now that I was "Available". I heard my parents discussing it in an undertone. They didn't want to make any hasty decision, but I felt that there was an invisible pressure on them, after my broken engagement. That invisible pressure was for me to get hitched. Soon.
Some radical idiots in my culture are actually averse of marrying a girl with a "Past". I feel as if Areeb's defection has soiled me somehow; marked me as Unwanted. Yet another thing, I have to thank him for.
....................
The day after the fateful party; I woke up an hour earlier than I usually do. A full night of deep contemplation has led me towards this decision. I pad over silently to the kitchen, and start making the usual breakfast meals for Mom, dad and Ali. Kulsoom Nani had left to "Check over her own house (read:Mansion)" for a couple of days. She had threatened to return soon though.
Everyone was mildly shocked and pleased at my culinary efforts. Mom and Dad praised the slightly burnt toast and luke-warm coffee like it was a five-star gourmet meal. Ali simply ignored us, and sleepily shoveled his cheese-omelette.
I coughed once. "Guys, I need to talk to you."
Three pairs of vary eyes shot to my face.
"I think Ali and Adiba's wedding shouldn't be postponed anymore. I know, that you guys wanted to spare my feelings, but honestly, I am fine now." I plaster a big fake smile at the end of my speech.
Dad starts nodding his approval, "I think you're right. It's foolish to keep delaying something we had already prepared for. Your mother and I have been discussing this for the past couple of days now."
Mom smiles ruefully at me; "I am so proud of you Beta. Not many sisters are that self-less and considerate of other's happiness. Insha'Allah, you'll see that God has planned the best future for you."
My throat is tight with suppressed tears. Some of them escape, when Ali gets up to hug me.
"I'll take care of you baby sis. Hope you know that. Always have your back." Ali whispers to me. I nodded wordlessly against his shirt.
I find un-imaginable strength in my older brother's affection. Maybe I'm not lucky in relationships, but I have been blessed with the best family a person could ask for.
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A/N:
HELP! my laptop broke down. So we're facing some pretty irregular updates. Ugh! technology!!
Anyways, I hope it gets fixed soon, I'm using the University lab to post this. :3
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