helloooo everyone happy wednesday!! if you follow me on tumblr welcome to the doodlebops chapter! and if you don't then you get to find out what that means for yourself :)
tw for
mentioned drugging
sexuality crisis
mentioned outing
drug use (just weed)
alcohol
very very mild slut shaming
mentioned broken bones
enjoy!!
—————
Sleep doesn't come to Cady easily that night.
She lies awake for hours, tossing and turning so much her muscles start to ache, and staring at the tiny pumpkin on her nightstand.
Janis. Janis, Janis, Janis.
Cady knows herself well enough by now to know something weird happens inside her whenever Janis is around. She just doesn't know what it is.
Janis is unlike anyone Cady's met before. She seems so closed off when you first meet her, so cold, so timid. But even after just a few conversations, Cady has been allowed to peek into the most fantastic world that is Janis Sarkisian.
Janis is loud. Not externally, or vocally. But inside. There's a roaring passion behind everything Janis does that feels like magic to witness. Her football, her art, the way she talks to people. All of it is loud and beautiful.
And Janis is kind. The tutoring sessions are exclusively for her benefit, but she was so quick to drop one to rescue Cady from her little cave of sadness and turn her entire outlook upside down. Like it was nothing. She didn't mention buying Cady dinner and yummy snacks and her first ever pumpkin.
She didn't judge Cady's artistic skills, or more accurately, her lack of artistic skills. She listened when Cady told her about her brother. She doesn't ever tell Cady to stop talking about Regina, even after all their history together.
Cady's learning and starting to understand how Janis shows she cares about people. And by the sounds of things, she cares about Cady quite a bit.
Cady realizes after a few hours that trying to fall asleep is getting her nowhere. Her mind is just running circles around itself, making her dizzy but still not tiring itself out.
So Cady hauls herself out of bed and over to her desk to grab a notebook and a pen. Making lists always helps her fall asleep. It lets her get her thoughts out in an objective way, and she can process whatever's on her mind on paper instead of giving in to the roar of her thoughts.
She's not entirely sure what kind of list she's going to make this time, but she just lets her hand do what it will and her brain follow along behind it. She flips to a blank page in the notebook and divides it into four sections. She labels one column 'Janis' and the other 'Aaron'. One row 'pros' and one row 'cons'.
And before she knows it, her hand is flying across the page, listing everything she can possibly think of, every tiny thing that comes to mind. She watches the page slowly fill with ink as she writes and writes and writes until the tiny little muscles in her hand start to ache and the words start to bleed together both on the page and in her mind.
It's a mess, but so is she.
She clicks her pen closed so it doesn't leak into her sheets and blinks blearily at the page to see what she's done.
She reads through each box. Smiles as she reads over all the pros of Janis. Pros for what? What am I doing?
She pores over it for a long time, trying to make some sense of all of this. It doesn't work.
Janis' pros include things such as; quick learner, interested in my stories, caring, funny, passionate, creative, athletic, artistic, talented, cares about her family, strong, physically strong, great friend, beautiful eyes, amazing smile, beautiful hair, cool scary clothes.
Aaron's include... swoopy hair. Shiny eyes. Can do math.
His cons, on the other hand. Taken. Taken by Regina. Willingly dated Regina George more than once. Not really all that good at math.
And Janis'? Is a girl. That's it.
Cady feels her brow furrow as she squints at the page, before they shoot up her forehead as it all comes together.
"Oh my god, I'm in love with Janis."
—————
She's a bit dizzy over the next couple of days. The realization that she likes a girl at all, especially one she's so close to, has rocked her entire perception of herself.
Sunday passes in a fog, and she only really snaps out of it on Monday morning. "Cady!"
"Huh?" Cady says dazedly. "Oh, hey, Karen. How was your weekend?"
"Good!" Karen chirps sunnily. "Here."
"What's this?" Cady asks as she takes the violently orange piece of paper. It says 'Haloween Partee' across the top in a spooky font and is entirely covered with little pumpkins and skulls and candies. "Halloween party?"
"It's only the best day of the year, duh!" Karen says. "It's at my house on Saturday. And you'd better wear a costume."
"Cool," Cady says, folding the paper up and skipping it into the side pocket of her backpack. "I'll ask my parents."
She knows she'll have to be there anyway. Something tells her this is really important to Karen, and that missing out on what's clearly one of the biggest parties of the year wouldn't go over very well in terms of her standing at school. She'll come up with something to tell her parents.
"Do I need to bring anything?" she asks.
"Pfft, no!" Karen titters, adjusting her impossibly short skirt. "Just yourself and your costume. Pumpkin emoji."
"Okay! Thanks," Cady says. She startles violently when the bell rings. "Oh, I gotta go! See you at lunch!"
Karen looks confused by her haste to get to class on time. None of the Plastics (except Gretchen, maybe) are particularly worried about things like deadlines or schedules.
Cady's just desperate for something new to focus on.
—-
Her brilliant plan of using school to distract herself doesn't... totally work. She spends most of English staring blankly out the window and totally misses the group discussion on Crime and Punishment. Janis has been helping her with it. Cady still doesn't understand the book. Maybe that's because Janis has been helping her. With her pretty eyes and her hair and her smell... good god, Cady.
Chemistry doesn't go much better. Janis looks so cute with her goggles perched on her head. How did Cady never notice this before? Aaron. Right.
A part of her feels guilty, almost. Aaron is still a good friend. She still... might like him. Or did she really like him in the first place?
Her mind flashes back to the list she made that night. Practically all of Aaron's good qualities were physical. Things about his body, his face. He does have that swoopy hair. Aaron is undeniably attractive.
Janis' list has a lot of physical qualities too, but more to do with her personality. She's easy to be with, in spite of their circumstances being... less than ideal, to say the least. But is it really love? Really even a crush?
She sneaks a glance across the classroom again. Janis is laughing at something her lab partner has said. She looks like an adorable little bug with the goggles over her eyes.
Cady feels a stab of jealousy hit her completely out of nowhere. Someone else made her laugh.
At the very least, she knows that's not a platonic way to feel. It's definitely a crush.
Janis must feel Cady staring, because she suddenly looks back and meets her eyes. She gives her a little smile and a wink. Cady's knees almost give out. Okay, yeah, I might be in love.
"Cady," a voice says. Cady doesn't totally clock it. "Cady, you're on fire."
"What?" Cady replies. She looks down, and sure enough, the hem of her shirt is aflame. "Oh, shit!"
She frantically pats herself out and takes a deep breath. Her lab partner raises an eyebrow. "You good?"
"Yeah, sorry. Distracted today," she replies. "Just a bit singed."
Her partner just nods and returns to the observation worksheet they're meant to be filling out. Cady has some observations, alright.
—-
"Caddy!" a voice calls as she's leaving class. Cady turns and is surprised to see Janis. They usually avoid talking to each other in public lest Regina or one of her cronies see. "Hey, are you okay? I saw you, um..."
"Caught fire?" Cady giggles. Janis nods. "I'm fine. I just-"
Regina suddenly turns the corner into the hallway they're in. Cady's heart leaps into her throat.
"Gotta go, bye."
Janis gets a hurt look on her face that makes Cady's heart squeeze before she clocks the blonde coming down the hallway and rushes off in the other direction.
Cady watches her go for a second before she runs off to her next class. She cringes when she remembers she has calculus next and has to spend a whole forty-five minutes sitting directly behind Aaron Samuels.
She feels her phone buzz in her pocket just as she slides into her seat. She has a little tiny bit of time before class begins, so she pulls it out to check what it is.
She smiles when she sees a text from Janis.
janiss: are u sure ur ok ??
caddy: Yeah I'm fine
caddy: I'm just distracted today
janiss: what could possibly distract u enough that u didn't notice u were on fire
Well, shit. Cady has to think of something believable, but she can't take too long or Janis will know it to be a lie. She obviously can't tell the truth. Janis might like girls, but there's no way in hell she likes Cady. Not like that. Cady has to keep this to herself and hope and pray it goes away.
caddy: I still don't know what to say to Aaron
caddy: I haven't seen him yet today
It's believable enough. Or so she hopes.
janiss: oh shit yeah
janiss: it'll be fine
janiss: u don't have to talk to him at all yknow
caddy: I know but he's in my math class and he'd think it's weird if I suddenly didn't talk to him anymore even with everything that's happened
janiss: oh and u have a crush on him
Eeeeeh, Cady thinks. Maybe she should go along with it. It might get Janis off her trail. Not that she was on it in the first place.
Regardless, it doesn't feel like the kind of conversation they should have over text.
caddy: Yeah
caddy: Lot of pressure
janiss: don't stress about it
janiss: you'll figure out the right thing to say
janiss: and if he says anything shady dame and i will kill him for u
caddy: Well now that you've said that you'll be the first person the police look at
janiss: shit ur right
janiss: eh i'll just pin it on regina
caddy: A brilliant plan
janiss: thank u i know
The bell rings then, making Cady jump in her seat. She hisses as she clonks her elbow against the metal bar connecting the desk to her chair and sends tingles down her arm. Funny bones are not at all humerus.
caddy: Can we talk later?
caddy: Revenge stuff?
janiss: yeah
janiss: come over after 5 if u can
caddy: Got it :)
janiss: (:
caddy: No.
janiss: they're friends!
caddy: He's an abomination
janiss: :00
Cady doesn't get a chance to explain everything incorrect about the backwards smiley face before Ms. Norbury comes into the room in a frenzy and begins class. Cady clicks her phone off and looks attentively at the board, pointedly ignoring Aaron's furtive glances back at her. What am I supposed to say to him in the middle of class, anyway?
-
Yet again, she's stopped before she can leave the area. "Cady! Hey, wait up."
Cady stops in her tracks and turns around with a quiet sigh. "Hi, Aaron."
"Hey, can we talk?"
"Can we walk and talk? Regina's gonna kill me if I'm late to practice again," Cady says. Aaron nods and does his best to keep up as she starts power-walking towards the nearest stairwell.
"I just want to apologize for how things went down at homecoming," Aaron begins. "Regina, uh... told me you... like me. I'm sorry for, like, rubbing that in your face."
"It's fine," Cady says. "I'm happy for you."
"Thanks," Aaron says. "I hope you weren't too upset."
I ate an entire dairy farm's worth of ice cream and cried for a week straight, but thanks, Cady thinks to herself. Out loud, she just says, "It's really fine. It was just, like... I dunno. I thought you were cute, but Regina must, like, really like you. I'll get over whatever I felt."
"I just... hope we can still be friends?" Aaron asks.
Depends, Cady thinks. "I think I can live with that."
"Cool," Aaron chuckles.
As they round the corner into the gym hallway, Cady inhales and says, "Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Did... Regina tell you? What she did to Janis?"
"Sarkisian?" Aaron asks. Cady nods. Aaron sighs and says, "Not directly, at first. When we first got together was around the time Janis really started changing her look into... y'know. She was kinda the talk of the school again. And I heard rumors, so I asked Regina. She fessed up then."
"So you know the truth? Not the 'six people at her thirteenth birthday party' story?"
"Yeah. I know the 'told the whole school Janis was a lesbian and got her bullied to within an inch of her life' story," Aaron sighs.
"And you still took Regina back?"
Aaron doesn't say anything in response to that. He seems to know that no matter what he says, Cady's going to be upset. Cady nods in confirmation.
"Right. See you," she says, crossing the hall and striding into the girls' locker room before he can even think of following her. She suddenly doesn't feel so bad about using him to get back at Regina.
She jumps as she crashes into something as soon as she leaves the locker room. She almost falls onto her ass, but she's saved by a soft, large hand grabbing her and keeping her upright.
"Jesus, I'm so-" she starts to say. "Oh, Damian, hi. Sorry for... that. I didn't see you."
"It's fine, Little Slice," Damian replies. "You good?"
"Yeah, I've just been kind of out of it today," Cady says with a breathy, anxious chuckle. Damian watches in concern as she wrings her fingers together.
"Are you okay to fly? You shouldn't do that if you're not in the right headspace," he says with a furrowed brow.
"I'll be fine. I think it'll help me clear my head," Cady explains. Tumbling has always done that. It's like being upside down just gets any worrisome thoughts to tip out of her ears.
"Mmkay," Damian says, eyeing her suspiciously. "Let me know if you're not up for it."
"I will. Thanks, Dame," Cady says. She laughs as he ruffles her hair (as best he can with it in a ponytail) and walks off to the gym to start his warm ups. Cady sighs and heads to refill her water bottle before joining him.
—-
Cady was almost right about practice being just the thing she'd need to clear her head. She stretches and warms up like normal. She gets time to herself to mull over what to do about the Janis Situation, as she's now calling it in her head.
She realizes as she goes into a bridge to stretch her back that she has a larger dilemma on her hands. What am I?
Things in Kenya were... strange, when it came to sexuality. Animals do things quite differently. Cady's parents did their best to be inclusive with her education, but as isolated white middle-aged people, her sex education class was... spotty, to say the least. They taught her that some people are straight, and like the opposite sex. And some people are gay, which meant they liked the same sex. And gay is okay!
That was about the extent of that particular lesson.
Cady knows for a fact that she really, really likes Janis Sarkisian. But she also knows for a fact that she really, really liked Aaron Samuels. There's seven empty pints of ice cream and an unholy amount of tissues in her family's trash bin to prove that.
Can you be gay and straight at the same time? Is that a thing? And if so, what's the word for it? How am I supposed to function without some kind of label for this?
Cady takes a deep breath and decides to take her warm-up tumbling pass a bit slow today. She starts with a plain old roundoff just to make sure she's not totally off her game and apt to injure herself.
The motion relaxes her. She shakes out her shoulders, rolls her neck, and takes a deep breath before she takes off again. This time she adds in a few back handsprings, which calm her further. She counts off; hands, feet, hands, feet, hands, feet. Soon, the steady, constant rhythm of her being upside down and then righted once more is soon the only thing filling her mind.
Maybe I'll just ask Damian.
—————
Cady carefully smooths down her skirt as she waits for Janis to open the door. Janis said after five. Cady waited until 5:01 to knock. That counts.
"Hey, Cadd- aah!" Janis yelps, slamming the door in her face immediately after opening it. She opens it again with a hand held over her mouth and a very apologetic look in her eyes. "Nice costume."
"Thankth," Cady says around the creepy fake teeth in her mouth. She pulls them out when Janis shoots her a look.
"W-why, um... why are you wearing that?" Janis asks as she motions her inside.
"I got invited to Karen's Halloween party this Saturday, I thought it would be a good place to kick off our revenge plans," Cady says eagerly. "I just got it!"
"Oh, Caddy," Janis says pityingly. "You can't wear that to a North Shore costume party. Especially not a Plastic costume party. You're gonna get eaten alive."
"Oh," Cady says sadly. "I thought you were supposed to dress scary on Halloween."
"If we were any other age, you would be," Janis sighs. She motions her further into the house and gently sits her down on the couch in the living room. Cady flops down with a huff and rips off her veil and wig. "It is pretty sick. Zombie bride?"
"Ex-wife," Cady mumbles miserably, fiddling with the lace on her polyester bridal gown.
Janis laughs. "That's great."
"It was," Cady sighs. "What am I supposed to wear if not a costume?"
"Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and nobody else can say anything," Janis explains. She gives a strange giggle, suddenly, and says, "It's amazing."
"So... I have to..."
"The hardcore girls just wear some kind of lingerie and some animal ears," Janis says. "It sucks, but Regina would probably be super pissed if you already knew that. If she knows you got invited, she's totally gonna be expecting you to show up in something like that. No offense. But she'll be expecting to be able to humiliate you."
"Lingerie?!" Cady says, jumping to her feet. "I'm barely sixteen, I don't have any lingerie!"
"You wanna go get some?" Janis asks with a smirk.
"Isn't Stevie-"
"Nah, she's at her friend's house for some birthday dinner thing," Janis says. She wags her eyebrows suggestively. "Come ooooon, it'll be fun."
"You have a strange idea of fun, Janis Sarkisian."
"You fucking know it, Caddy Heron."
—-
Cady leaves the old costume behind and follows Janis to the garage in the clothes she had on underneath. They're thin, so she's a bit chilly in the cold October weather, but Janis gives her a coat to borrow and she suddenly can't feel anything but warmth.
"You're not wearing a coat?" Cady asks as Janis hauls her bike out of the garage. Her dad had to take their car to work today, so the bike is their only option for transportation other than walking.
"No," Janis snorts. "It's fifty degrees, Cads."
"That's cold!"
"Because you grew up in Kenya," Janis retaliates. "Are you gonna be cool with taking Stevie's bike? You're, um... close in size."
"I dunno how to ride a bike," Cady says sheepishly.
"You what?!"
"Because I grew up in Kenya," Cady retaliates with a giggle. "I never learned."
"Damn," Janis says. "I didn't think of that. Uh... hm. We're gonna have to do this Stranger Things style, then."
"I still don't know what that is," Cady says. Janis deflates a bit as she closes the garage and gets onto the bike.
"I know. Hop on," she sighs.
"What?"
"However you fit. We gotta do it this way," Janis explains. Cady hesitates for a second before she climbs on behind her. She's half-sitting and half standing, clinging tightly to Janis' waist and looking over her shoulder. "Comfy?"
"No," Cady says.
"Me either," Janis says as she sets them moving. Cady squeals in fright and hides against Janis' shoulder, but after a second she realizes it's not so bad.
"This is kind of relaxing," Cady says.
"Says you," Janis chuckles breathlessly. "I'm the one doing all the work."
"It's not my fault I didn't grow up within a hundred miles of pavement," Cady huffs.
"We'll add that to the America classes curriculum. That can be your phys ed," Janis says.
"Great," Cady grumbles, resting her chin on Janis' shoulder. It's a bit bumpy as Janis is pedaling, but Cady isn't phased. "Where are we going?"
"The mall," Janis says.
"Aren't there gonna be people there?" Cady asks worriedly. "And isn't it... really far away?"
"Not this one. The one you've been to is further away and everyone goes to it because it's way nicer," Janis says. "So for something like this the one we're going to is a win win. And it has a Victoria's Secret, so that's all we'll need."
"Who's Victoria?"
"You are so cute," Janis chuckles. "You'll see."
"Mmkay," Cady hums anxiously. She rests her chin on Janis' shoulder and just enjoys the ride.
Eventually, they pull up outside of a mall. Or what Cady thinks must be one. The one she's used to has huge windows and is made of several buildings. This one is essentially just a brick cube. She can see why people prefer the other one.
She follows Janis inside through the sliding glass doors. Janis looks at the names of all the shops around them. Cady isn't totally sure what she's looking for, but she definitely finds it. Janis grabs her hand suddenly and runs full tilt towards a store entirely too far away for Cady's tastes.
"Wait for me, I got little legs," she pleads. Janis slows down a bit and looks at her.
"Keep up, short stuff, c'mon!"
"Hey!" Cady giggles as they finally slow to a stop. Cady looks around and sees they're in a Halloween store. In what seems to have formerly been a pizza place, if the lingering delicious smells are anything to go by. Janis leads her to the animal costume section.
"Whoa," Cady says when she sees the wall covered floor to ceiling in various animal accessories.
"Take your pick," Janis says, giving a grand gesture with her arm and bowing sarcastically.
Cady looks at all the animal ears. Cats, dogs, rabbits... Janis snorts when she stands on her tiptoes to grab a pair of lion ears.
"I should've known."
"That's not what lion ears look like," Cady says, flicking at the flimsy felt.
"Comes with a tail, though." Janis says. "Kinky. This what you want?"
"I guess so," Cady shrugs. Janis nods and leads her over to the checkout area. She pauses and grabs a black eyeliner crayon, false eyelash glue, and some black cosmetic glitter. "What's that for?"
"You need whiskers," Janis says. "We can't half-ass this."
"Lion whiskers aren't glittery."
"But glitter is sexy," Janis says. "Or something. Just trust me."
"Whatever you say," Cady sighs as she puts the ears on the counter. The employee gives her a seriously judgmental look as she rings up everything. Cady's used to being on the receiving end of looks like that and just pulls out her wallet to pay. Janis does too. "This is my costume, you're not paying, Jay."
"But it's my idea," Janis says. "You already bought a costume."
"My mom bought that one. And this is different," Cady says. The employee takes her money and gives her the proper change; along with a scathing look as she takes the bag of goods and leaves. "Who would've thought buying animal ears was such a personal offense to some people?"
"Can't really say as I blame her," Janis chuckles. "Alright, this way."
Cady follows Janis through the meandering halls of the mall until they're outside a store with some very strange music playing from within. It's all black and pink. And filled to the brim with very fancy underwear. "You knew how to get here off the top of your head?"
Janis blushes a remarkable shade of scarlet and looks down at her boots. She squeaks a, "Yes." before hauling Cady in by the hand and pointedly refusing to look at any of the mannequins.
Cady does look. It's quite disturbing, seeing these decapitated waists and torsos modeling some very skimpy undergarments. Most of them don't look... comfortable, to say the least. How is my body supposed to be shaped?
"You should, um... look for something yellow," Janis says, still adamantly refusing to look at anything but the floor. "Or orange, maybe."
Cady nods. Most of the things around are either black, red, or white, but she does spy something yellow in a far corner and lead Janis that way by a hand. "What about this?"
Finally, Janis does dare to peek up. She blinks in shock and says, "Oh, yeah, that's perfect."
Cady grabs one that seems close enough to her size off the rack and reads the tag. "Lace... teddy?"
"That's just the style of it," Janis explains. "The... bodysuit type thing."
"You know a lot about lingerie, Sarkisian."
"Yeah, well," Janis says airily. "Go make sure it fits."
Cady nods, standing on her tippy toes to see if she can spy a changing room. Janis is still a solid eight inches taller than her even with the tippy toes and points her in the right direction.
Cady takes a deep breath as she steps into one of the empty rooms and tugs the curtain closed after her. She looks at the flimsy lace in her hands like it's a bomb set to explode at any minute before she sets it down on the seat nearby and starts taking off her clothes.
For Janis, she reminds herself as she pulls on the skimpy outfit. It feels much more like the kind of thing she'd happily support Karen wearing than actually wearing herself.
That being said, she doesn't hate how she looks when she turns around to see herself in the mirror. It's all lace, in a 'teddy' style with long sleeves. It's actually surprisingly comfortable. Cady ordinarily can't stand things made of lace touching her skin. But this lace is soft, and it's not so far up her ass she can almost taste it like most of the undergarments Regina has tried to buy for her.
Wish I was wearing it for Janis under other circumstances, she thinks to herself as she turns to look at herself from the side. That's creepy, Cady.
It fits comfortably and makes her look hot. Cady will have to be very careful choosing her bra and panties when the day comes, but beyond that, she thinks she got quite lucky finding this.
She takes it off and relishes in pulling all of her normal clothes back on. Janis is waiting for her when she pulls the curtain back open. She looks almost disappointed to see Cady in her clothes. Or maybe you're just seeing what you want to see, you creeper.
"Fit okay?" Janis asks after clearing her throat.
"Yeah," Cady responds, wringing the fragile fabric back and forth in her hands. "It's actually kind of comfy."
"Good," Janis says with a grin. "Let's get out of here."
"What, you don't like seeing sexy underwear on half of a plastic woman?" Cady giggles.
"Nah. Too much like Regina," Janis jokes.
The cashier of this establishment looks at them quite suspiciously as Cady sheepishly rests the yellow lace on the counter. She can't quite bring herself to make eye contact with the older woman as she pays for the garment and stuffs it away in the other bag. It's a perfectly innocent thing, but Cady feels... guilty, somehow.
"I think maybe next time I'll shop online," Cady says as she climbs back onto the back of Janis' bike.
"Next time?" Janis smirks.
"Shut up," Cady laughs, resting against her shoulder again for the ride home.
—————
Friday comes around entirely too fast for Cady's tastes. The party is tomorrow. She thinks she's ready for another party, but she's still not sure how this is going to go.
"Hey, Cady," Damian greets as she's packing up after the game.
"Hi," Cady says with a grin. "Thanks for that save, by the way. I totally thought I was gonna break my neck."
"So did I," Damian chuckles. "Scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry," Cady giggles. She pulls her bow out of her hair and asks, "What's up?"
"Janis and I have a Halloween movie night every year after she takes Stevie trick or treating, do you wanna come? It's fun, we just eat a lot of shit and scare ourselves senseless with horror movies," Damian says.
"I'd love to, but that sounds special to you guys," Cady says. "I don't wanna... crash."
"You wouldn't be," Damian snorts. "Janis loves you."
"She does?"
"Hm?" Damian hums. His eyes look a bit frantic, but he just says, "Oh, yeah. Y'know. You're friends. We're friends. We're all... friends."
"Oh," Cady says with a nod, trying not to sound too disappointed. "I have a party tomorrow, too, though."
"Just come by after. Then Janis and I will get our precious alone time," Damian says, resting a dramatic hand over his heart.
"Okay, sure," Cady giggles. "That sounds fun."
"Cool. We'll be at my house, just come by whenever," Damian says. "And you can sleep over if you want."
"I will. Thanks, Dame," Cady grins. Damian ruffles her hair and leaves her to finish packing up with a salute.
—————
Janis invited her over to help her get ready for the party before she takes her sister out to go trick or treating. Cady dons the old zombie bride costume and tells her mom she'll be spending the evening at Damian's and probably spending the night. The real costume is tucked securely in her bag out of sight and not quite out of mind.
Stevie pulls the door open when Cady knocks and tackles her in a hug. "Cady!"
"Oof. Hey, Stevie," Cady chuckles. "Happy Halloween!"
"Happy Halloween," Stevie says with a smile. "Cool costume!"
"Thanks," Cady says, pulling shyly on the tulle of her skirt. "I thought so. Where's yours?"
Stevie is suddenly hit dead in the face with a pile of polyester. Janis comes the rest of the way down the stairs with a, "Get dressed, nerd."
"Hmph," Stevie huffs. Cady laughs when she sees the Maleficent horns Janis is wearing.
"Nice horns."
"Thanks," Janis grins. "Steve said I had to wear something or I'm 'cheating at Halloween'."
"They suit you," Cady giggles. Stevie comes back in a long pink dress and a blonde wig with a crown. "Aww!"
"I'm a goddamn princess," Stevie says when she peeks at herself in the mirror. Janis thwacks her on the back of the head, but Cady can tell she's trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, but you never sleep," she says. "Sleeping Beauty."
"You're supposed to dress as something you aren't for Halloween," Stevie hums haughtily.
"Yeah, yeah. C'mon, kid, let's get your makeup done so I can help Caddy," Janis says. Stevie squeals and runs up to Janis' bedroom. Cady hesitates on the stairs. Janis notices and turns around. "You coming?"
"Yeah," Cady says hastily. She's never seen Janis' room before.
She follows Janis and Stevie up the stairs and down a short hallway, then through a door covered with all sorts of 'do not enter' and 'hazardous' signs.
"Wow," Cady whispers when she sees the inside. Janis' art covers every square inch of the walls and the ceiling. Cady can tell she's been working on it for a long time. Years. Her style has changed a bit between pieces, and Cady can see her talent evolving as she looks at all the little doodles and murals.
Her furniture didn't come out unscathed, either. Cady can tell these are more recent; most probably since she ran out of room anywhere else. The sheets on her bed are plain black, but there's a bunch of pillows patterned like pride flags at the head of it. And, of course, it's unmade. Very Janis.
"You like?" Janis asks as she grabs her makeup from her desk.
"Yeah, it's really cool," Cady says.
"Thanks," Janis says with a cocky smile. Cady rolls her eyes and smiles back. "You can sit anywhere. Stevie's shouldn't take too long."
Cady sits with a slight bounce on Janis' bed. "Oh, your bed is sooooo comfy!"
Janis laughs as she falls backwards and sighs happily. "Yeah, I got a nice mattress for my birthday last year. Damian sleeps on it more than his own. Says it single-handedly fixed his back."
"I can see why," Cady says with a happy wiggle. Janis laughs again. Cady grunts as Stevie suddenly lands on the bed with a bounce and dislodges her from her comfy spot.
"I'm ready," she says eagerly. Janis snorts and squeezes something onto her hand.
Cady watches as Janis gives her sister a full princess treatment. Primer, blush, mascara, eyeshadow, and a bright red lipstick. Janis acts so sarcastic with Stevie, but it's obvious how much she actually cares about her baby sister.
"Go see," Janis says as she finishes with a bit of setting spray. Stevie squeals and runs over to her vanity to see herself in the mirror. Cady and Janis both jump and cover their ears when she gives an excited shriek. "Jesus Christ, Steve, volume."
"I love it!" Stevie says.
"Good," Janis chuckles. "Go eat something."
"But I gotta leave room for candy!" Stevie protests.
"There's leftover pizza in the fridge."
"Bye!"
"Alright, Cads, your turn," Janis says. "Do you wanna get dressed first, or...?"
"I probably should. This dress is kind of hard to... er, navigate," Cady says. Janis laughs.
"My bathroom is that door there, you can change in there," she says, pointing out the door and back down the hall a ways. Cady nods and grabs her bag.
Cady freezes for a second when she remembers that this means Janis is going to see her in lingerie. She's still not entirely sure what to make of her feelings for the other girl, let alone in a situation like... whatever this is.
She shakes it off and pulls the bodysuit out of her bag, along with the sweatpants she brought along to keep a bit warmer until the party. She's already shaved practically everything below her neck in preparation, so all that's really left to do is her makeup and hair.
Janis looks up from her phone when she comes back, and gives her an award winning smile. She's a bit pink, which Cady finds odd. Maybe she's sick.
"You, uh... you look great," Janis says. "You, um... you ready?"
"Your canvas awaits," Cady says, sitting back down on Janis' bed. Janis smiles and grabs her brushes to make Cady into a masterpiece.
Cady jumps as Janis takes a brush to her face to apply some primer. "Sorry."
"It's fine," Cady says, shutting her eyes and letting Janis work. "I should be used to it by now."
"Plastic makeup attacks are a rite of passage," Janis says.
"Plastic cheer makeup attacks are a whole other deal," Cady says. "I thought normal makeup was itchy."
"I never understood why you guys do that," Janis says as she gently dabs a bit of tinted moisturizer into Cady's skin with a beauty blender. "Don't you sweat all of it off?"
"Most of it," Cady agrees with a giggle. "I don't understand all the... what's the... the stuff that makes you look dead?"
"Foundation?"
"Yeah," Cady says with a small nod. Janis laughs and gently swipes some concealer under her eyes. "I don't get the point of doing all that. But I think the eye stuff is kind of fun."
"It is pretty," Janis agrees. "Must kinda blur your vision, though."
"Oh, I almost killed myself the first game," Cady laughs. "I couldn't see where I was tumbling with the false eyelashes and everything. Regina only let me get away with just wearing mascara because I told her I almost broke my neck."
"I never quite got the hang of wearing falsies either," Janis says. "I was kind of getting towards the tail end of my time as a Plastic by the time they started getting into shit like that."
"I still can't imagine you as a Plastic," Cady murmurs. Janis snorts derisively.
"Yeah, neither can I."
Janis continues working in relative silence. Cady sits patiently. Janis is much more gentle with her than Regina or Gretchen or Karen. She even warns her before she does everything. Her hands are so soft and warm as she gently turns Cady's face where she needs it.
Cady pops a concerned eye open when Janis suddenly growls in frustration. "What's the matter?"
"I can't get the angle for this right like this," Janis says, poking her tongue out in adorable frustration. Cady can hardly bear not leaning forward and kissing her. There's three inches between their noses at most. Janis smells like the woods and acrylic paint and Cady is very annoyed that she's not allowed to act on her urges. She doesn't like you like that.
"Oh. How can... uh..." Cady asks. Janis suddenly presses closer and knocks Cady onto her back. Cady squeaks in surprise. This took a turn.
Janis moves until she's on her knees hovering over Cady's stomach and can hunch in close to her face. "Is this okay?"
"Uh... yeah," Cady squeaks, trying not to blush as she looks into the sky blue eyes mere inches from her own. "Yeah, this-this is fine." Not fine not fine not fine not-
"Shut your eyes for me," Janis murmurs. Cady does, and Janis takes what feels like hundreds of tiny, tickly brushes to them. She has absolutely no idea what Janis is doing, but she's got absolutely no intention of stopping her.
Cady almost falls asleep as Janis continues doing her makeup. The sides of her hands rest against Cady's cheeks as she continues her eyeshadow and does her eyeliner. It's a nice, solid feeling that gives Cady a weird sense of comfort. Janis is there.
Cady realizes she's had her own hands held up like she's at gunpoint for a solid five minutes. Her arms are starting to ache, but she isn't sure what else to do with them. She rests them on the bed over her head and stretches the slightest bit.
"Almost done," Janis says as she takes the eyeliner crayon they'd bought at the store. "What kind of shape is a lion's nose?"
"Um... kind of like a really big mushroom," Cady says. She tries her best to make a shape with her fingers. "Like..."
"Okay," Janis chuckles gently. Cady feels her draw and fill in a roughly correct shape on her nose and draw three lines over each of her cheeks to be her whiskers. She tosses the crayon aside and grabs the eyelash glue. "This is gonna get really really itchy as the night goes on, just warning you now."
"I'll live," Cady chuckles. Janis dabs it over the lines she drew and then takes a brush to add the black glitter.
She does it in small bits so that the glue doesn't dry before she gets a chance to add the glitter. She starts with the whiskers, and then does the nose.
And then catastrophe strikes.
"I have to sneeze," Cady says suddenly.
"Don't," Janis replies calmly.
"I can't con- I gotta sneeze!"
"But don't," Janis says. Cady tries to hold it off, but Janis scrambles back with all her supplies when Cady inhales heavily. Cady sneezes violently, with just enough time to cover her nose and mouth so she doesn't sneeze directly in Janis' face. Janis bites her lip before she bursts out laughing. Cady can't help but join her.
"Stop laughing, I had to sneeze!"
"I said no!"
"You can't say no, I had to sneeze!" Cady laughs.
"You have cute sneezes," Janis chuckles quietly as she leans back over to finish her work. Cady can feel herself blush. She can only hope Janis doesn't notice.
She's still really hoping Janis will just lean down to kiss her.
She doesn't.
"That's not heterosexual," Stevie says suddenly. Cady and Janis both scream and jump apart. Stevie is lounging casually against the wall in her full princess getup and munching on some pizza.
"Stevie! I'm gonna fucking kill you, I swear to god!" Janis growls.
"Don't shoot the messenger," Stevie replies easily. "I thought Cady was a zombie."
"I have... two costumes," Cady says. She hopes Stevie buys that as the only reason.
"Oh. Cool."
Cady grabs her ears from her bag and slides them onto her head. It is a cute look. With her hair color and how fluffy her curls are today she looks like she has a mane. Her lion ears just barely poke out, and the outfit does tie it all together quite nicely. She can already tell she's going to be absolutely freezing, but it'll be worth it. For Janis.
She turns around with her hands held to her sides for Janis to assess. Janis smiles at her and says, "Perfect."
"I'm cold already," Cady says.
"Yeah, it doesn't look too warm," Janis chuckles, almost sadly. "At least you aren't coming trick or treating with us. Think you'd be a Caddy-lion-popsicle by the end."
"I kinda wish I was," Cady mumbles, fiddling with the drawstring on her pants.
"Maybe next year," Janis says, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You ready to go?"
"Yeah," Cady says, taking a deep breath to try to settle her nerves. She stuffs the zombie bride costume into her bag and zips it shut with a, "Have fun."
"You too," Janis says, looking at her in a way Cady can't quite describe. Concern? Affection? Both? Both. "Good luck."
"Thanks," Cady says as Janis leads her back down the stairs and they're face to face just inside the front door.
"Are you gonna be okay?" Janis asks suddenly, like she's been holding the words back for ages and just can't do it anymore. Cady looks up at her.
"I'll be fine," she says calmingly. "Karen promised me Shane wouldn't be there. She says she doesn't like him either."
"Okay," Janis says, visibly relaxing a bit. "You can, like... call me if something happens. Just... you know, just in case. I'll come get you."
"Thanks," Cady says with a smile. "I'm not gonna drink or anything this time, so... I think I'll be alright."
"Good," Janis says. "But you should still be careful. Get your own drinks, even if they aren't booze. And keep them covered and watch them and stuff. Shane isn't the only asshole around. Just... be careful."
"I will," Cady promises, taking and squeezing her hand. "I'll be fine. You don't have to worry. But I'll call you if something happens, okay?"
"Okay," Janis says. "Have fun."
"You too," Cady says.
"Stevie, Caddy's leaving, time to go!" Janis calls to her sister in the kitchen. Stevie comes running as quickly as she can in her fluffy dress to hug her goodbye.
"Bye, Steve," Cady says as she squeezes the little girl. "I'll see you soon. Save me some candy."
Janis snorts. "Fat chance of that."
"I will," Stevie says with a smile, seemingly just to spite her sister. "Bye Cady!"
"Bye!" Cady says as she shuts the door and starts the walk to Karen's house. She's suddenly wondering if she shouldn't cancel at the last minute and just spend the evening with Janis and Stevie, but she's already bought her costume. No sense wasting it now.
—-
"Hey, Cady!" Karen greets brightly. Wow. Janis was right.
Karen's in some kind of lingerie too, in a style Cady doesn't know the name of with a matching bra and panty set beneath it. "Hi. Nice costume. What... um... what is it?"
"I'm a mouse, duh," Karen says. Cady tilts her head in confusion. She squints a bit, and can... almost see a mouse. Karen seems to notice the confusion on her face and pats the top of her head. "Ohhh. I lost my ears."
"Oh," Cady says. "I'll help you look. Is there somewhere I can put my stuff? I don't, um... really want people getting into it."
"You can put it in my room, I always lock my door now," Karen says. She seems a bit haunted as she explains. What's happened in her room? "This way."
Karen's house isn't anywhere near as big as Regina's or even Janis', but it's still nice. She knows from talking to her that Karen has a single father too. Whatever he does for a living must pay pretty well. Either that, or he gets a hell of an alimony payment from Karen's mother.
Karen stops outside a door and pulls a key out of her bra to unlock it. Cady steps in, pulls her phone and tail out of her bag and her sweatpants off, stuffs the pants into her bag, and returns to her friend. Karen re-locks the door after her and returns the key to its place.
"Where do you think your ears are?" Cady asks as she follows her friend back downstairs.
"I dunno, I had them a few minutes ago," Karen hums. "I was decorating the kitchen. And the bathroom. And the living room. And the backyard-"
"Let's just check everywhere," Cady interrupts. "You check the bathroom, I'll look in the kitchen."
Cady doesn't actually know where the kitchen is, but finding it can't be too hard. Karen bounces her way off in the direction of the bathroom. Cady turns the other way and starts looking for the kitchen.
Karen's kitchen is huge. And, to Cady's delight, full of food for the partiers. She sneaks a couple carrots from the veggie platter laid out on the counter and nibbles on them while she pokes around on the hunt for Karen's mouse ears.
She checks everywhere that makes sense for them to be. Nothing. Then Cady remembers that Karen herself seldom makes sense. Where would be a strange place for them to be?
Cady checks the oven, hoping beyond hope that they aren't there. Luckily, the only thing inside are some ashes and old grease. She double checks inside all the cabinets. Nothing there either. The potted plant on the windowsill has nothing for her other than some beautiful leaves.
Last but not least, Cady opens the fridge. And, sure enough, the ears are there, wrapped around a very large bottle of vodka. She grabs them and closes the doors again, calling, "Karen, I found them!"
Karen comes clicking into the room with a smile on her face. "Oh, hey! Thanks, where were they?"
"In the fridge," Cady giggles.
"Again?" Karen asks herself in exasperation. "Anyway, thanks."
"No problem," Cady says. "Oh, hey, could you help me with my tail?"
Karen nods, so Cady hands it to her and turns around. Karen helpfully pins it to the back of her costume. Cady knows it's entirely in the wrong place. It's supposed to get people looking at your ass, not to be anatomically correct, she reminds herself.
"What are you?" Karen asks once Cady's tail is secure.
"A lion," Cady sighs, fluffing out her hair to look even more mane-like.
"Aww, we're both animals!" Karen says. "Mouse emoji. Okay, everything should be ready now."
"It looks great," Cady says. Karen really went all out with the decorations. There's even a giant skeleton in the backyard, looming ominously over the pool it's entirely too cold out to use.
"Thanks!" Karen chirps. Cady smiles and nods. Karen heads to go let the guests in as they start arriving. Cady decides the veggie tray is going to be her companion for this party.
She and Janis haven't done too much planning in terms of things they can actually do to get their revenge party kicked off, so Cady's plan for tonight is just to get whatever she can in terms of useful information. Maybe Gretchen or Aaron will pick tonight to get a little more tipsy than they should. Cady will use anything to her advantage.
She's nibbling on a celery stick and trying to ignore the already unruly people slowly filling the house around her when she hears Regina talking to Karen. "You invited Cady? God, we don't have to take her everywhere, you know."
"She's our friend," Karen says in confusion. Cady can practically hear Regina rolling her eyes in exasperation.
"Whatever," she says.
Cady turns around and decides she should go talk to some people. Wow, did we all dress as animals?
Regina is dressed as what Cady can only assume is a rabbit. The shapes are all there, but for whatever reason, the costume is bright red with black and white accents. Aaron, ever the dutiful boyfriend, stands at her side in a suit with a cape and a top hat. The costumes don't quite go together, but it's obvious they're meant to be a duo somehow. They have only been back together for a two weeks. They must've had to pull whatever this is together quite quickly.
"Hey!" Cady greets brightly, pretending as best she can that she hasn't just overheard their conversation. "You guys look great!"
"Thanks," Regina hums, looking Cady up and down.
"So do you," Aaron says, surreptitiously nudging Regina with his elbow. "Lion?"
"Yeah," Cady says sheepishly, fidgeting with the end of one of her sleeves. "What are you guys?"
"A magician and a rabbit," Regina sighs. The magician was definitely Aaron's last minute idea, then.
"Cool!" Cady says. Aaron shoots her a sweet, dorky smile that would've made Cady completely weak in the knees a month ago. Now, she just smiles back. Handsome, but not for me.
-
The party passes without incident. Gretchen did indeed get a little bit more drunk than Cady thinks she meant to, so Cady stuck by her side through most of it. Both to see what details she'd let slip that she and Janis could use and to make sure nobody tried anything on her friend.
Luckily, nothing of the latter and plenty of the former. None of it is really anything they can act on, but the fact that Gretchen so easily aired Regina's dirty laundry gives Cady a lot of hope as to how this will all turn out.
Cady bounces around for a while, sipping carefully at a soda and people watching. She's present enough this time to learn how funny it is to watch drunk people try to dance. So. Many. Wipeouts.
She decides to leave when her heart starts beating in time with the music and she can feel her sinuses rattling with the bass. She's overwhelmed, and if she stays too much longer, it's a slippery slope to a complete teary meltdown.
She hugs a quite intoxicated Karen goodbye and thanks her for the invite before she leaves the house and starts the trek to Damian's house.
The cool night air helps calm her down. It shocks her back into her body enough that she can take some deep breaths and listen to the quiet, peaceful sounds of the night falling around her. Distant birds; the low, even thrum of cars a few streets over; the hum of the streetlights above her head. Much better.
—-
Cady pulls off her ears and massages behind her temples as she rings Damian's doorbell. She hears what sounds like a distant scream, and then footsteps.
Damian pulls the door open with a hand held over his heart and his breathing noticeably heavy. "Hey, Cads."
"Hi," Cady says. She tilts her head in concern and asks, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Damian chuckles. "Scary movie. We weren't expecting the doorbell."
"Oh. Sorry," Cady says sheepishly.
"It's fine. Come on," Damian says. Cady follows him inside.
"Your house is nice," she says politely.
"Thank you! Welcome to Casa Hubbard," Damian chuckles. "My mom's at work, so it's just us, if that's okay."
"Oh, yeah," Cady says. "Where does she work?"
"She's a nurse, she works at the hospital nearby," Damian says.
"Oh." Cady says. "That's neat."
"Yeah," Damian says, seeming to realize the reason behind her awkward response. "You'll get to meet her at some point, I'm sure. Anyway. Down here."
Cady follows him down the stairs to the basement. There's an interesting smell, loads of food, and Janis sprawled on a very small couch staring languidly at the TV Damian left playing. Janis looks at them upside down off the arm of the sofa when she hears their footsteps on the stairs, and she gets a goofy smile on her face when she sees Cady.
"Caddy!" she says happily. "Hi."
"Hi," Cady says.
"How was the paaaaaaaaarty?"
"Um... fine," Cady says in confusion.
"That's goooood." Janis hums. She seems content with that, and the conversation ends there.
"Cool outfit," Damian says. "I like the makeup."
"Thanks," Cady grins. "Janis did it."
"Did she now?" Damian hums, poking his tongue into his cheek. "Interesting. Are you, um... gonna... sleep in that?"
"No, I- shit!" Cady says. "I... packed clothes but I left them at Karen's place."
"Do you wanna go home and grab some?"
"No, my parents are there, they'll get suspicious. They don't know I was at a party, they think I came straight here," Cady says. "I guess I am sleeping like this."
"Janis keeps some pajamas here, you can borrow hers," Damian says. "She's closer to your size than me."
"But what about her?"
"What about who?" Janis pipes up from the couch.
"You," Cady says. Janis frowns in confusion.
"What about what about me?"
"Caddy forgot her pajamas at Karen's. Can she borrow yours?" Damian asks.
"Can I borrow yours?" Janis retaliates.
"No, you're icky," Damian says sarcastically. "Yes. Will you go get them?"
"Why meeeee?" Janis whines.
"Because I got Caddy. Your turn, bitch," Damian says, flopping down on the couch next to her.
"Hmph," Janis grumbles as she walks by Cady and slugs her way up the stairs. Cady sheepishly goes to sit next to her friend.
"What movie is this?"
"Children of the Corn," Damian says. "It's really dumb, but we watch it every year."
"Cool," Cady grins. She cuddles into his side and watches the end of the movie with him. "Hey, can I ask you something? Something kind of... personal?"
Damian looks at her with a confused frown. "Sure."
"How did you know you were gay?" Cady asks quietly.
"Oh. Um..."
"You don't have to answer if it's, like, uncomfy, or anything," Cady says hastily. "I just-"
"Little Slice, it's fine," Damian chuckles. "I kind of... always knew, I guess. I was kind of stereotypically fruity as a kid. I liked princesses and dolls better than superheroes and trucks. And then when I got older all the other guys talked about how hot all the girls were and stuff, but I never really felt anything other than wanting to be friends with a few. And then I met a boy at arts camp one summer and was absolutely obsessed with him. Like, too... too obsessed." He chuckles nervously. "But that was my first real crush. And I realized I had felt that way about a few boys before, and there have been more since. And it's always been guys, never girls."
"Oh," Cady says softly, picking at her chipping nail polish.
"Why?" Damian asks, gently squeezing her hand.
"I... kind of like a girl," Cady mumbles. Damian squeals sharply into her ear and takes both her hands in his large ones.
"Ooh! Tell me everything," he says eagerly.
"I think I've really liked her for a while," Cady begins anxiously. She is right upstairs, after all. "But I just realized it, like, a week ago. And I already can't stand it. I wasn't sure at first, because I also really liked Aaron, and I've never had a crush on a girl before. But I, like, really wanna kiss her. And I don't think that's normal."
"Aww," Damian coos. "My baby queer."
"That's what I was gonna ask you about," Cady says sheepishly. "You seem, um... knowledgeable. About... gay stuff. I don't know anything, and it's really scary. Not being able to explain who I am, you know?"
"Yeah," Damian says comfortingly. "I am quite knowledgeable. Can you tell me a little bit more and I'll see if I can tell you anything that might fit?"
"Yeah, I guess," Cady says. Damian lets go of her hands and allows her to wipe the sweat off on the cushion behind her. He leans against the back of his couch on his hand while Cady stares at her bare legs and fidgets with her fingers. "I just, like... in Kenya I was almost never around other people. There were a few I got crushes on when I was little and stuff. And they were always... guys. But since I realized I really like... this girl, I've been thinking about it more, and I kind of- this sounds weird, but I really relate to the animals? Like, a lot of them will just mate with... anything. Male, female, a rock. They just want the pleasure of the interaction. And I kind of... want that with romance. I don't really care who they are, I just... want a person, you know?"
"You might be pan," Damian says when she finishes.
"Like... for cooking?" Cady asks in confusion.
"No," Damian laughs. "Pansexual. Or panromantic, for you. The sexual attraction is a whole other thing. Unless you feel basically the same about sex."
"I think I do, I dunno," Cady says. "I feel a little bit less for guys after, uh... Shane. But I think it's basically the same."
"Pan just means that you're attracted to someone regardless of their gender, or what body they're in, basically," Damian explains. "Into the wine, not the label, and all that."
"What?"
"You haven't seen Schitt's Creek?" Damian gasps. "Oh, honey."
"Janis says she's gonna show me everything I need to watch. She calls it my America classes," Cady explains with a fond smile.
"Speak of the devil," Damian says as Janis comes back down the stairs clad in some of Damian's sweats. She tosses a pile of fabric at Cady and another at Damian.
"Bitch!" she scoffs.
"You literally have horns!" Damian retaliates. "Don't bitch me, bitch."
"I'll bitch you all I want, bitch," Janis says. "Caddy, this is a bathroom if you wanna change."
"Thanks," Cady says. She stands and pads over to the door Janis pointed to, shutting and locking it after herself. She pulls off the bodysuit and her tail and tugs on the cozy sweatpants and band t-shirt, both worn soft by years of wear.
She closes the lid to the toilet as quietly as she can and sits down on it. She pulls out her phone and opens Google, typing pansexual definition into the search bar. Her thumb hovers anxiously over the blue button for a second before she hits go.
Pansexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves ...
Cady hits the read more button and reads through the entire Wikipedia page. The further into it she gets, the more correct it sounds. She sniffs and wipes tears brimming in her eyes. It's me.
She stares at the flag longer than she probably should. She realizes with a start that she's been in the bathroom for quite a while, and her friends are probably starting to get worried.
Sheepishly, Cady unlocks the door and heads back out to them. "Hi."
"Hey, Little Slice," Damian greets brightly. "You didn't take your makeup off?"
Cady pats her face, and she can feel the scratch of the glitter on her 'whiskers' beneath the pads of her fingers. "Oh, oops. Janis, do you have any makeup remover?"
"No," Janis replies.
"I do," Damian says at the same time. "In the medicine cabinet."
"Thanks," Cady says. She turns back around to go find it. Janis apparently does the same. Cady screams as a pale hand suddenly reaches over her shoulder to open the cabinet in the bathroom for her.
"Sorry," Janis chuckles gently.
"Don't do that," Cady giggles anxiously, a hand held over her chest in an attempt to calm her racing heart. "What are you doing?"
"I put the makeup on you, I think it's only fair I help you get it off," Janis responds. "And Damian will actually slaughter me if I let you do it wrong and damage your precious little face."
"Oh," Cady says breathlessly. "Okay."
"Look at me," Janis instructs. Cady does, turning around and looking up at her friend's face. Up close, she can see how red Janis' eyes are, and she frowns.
"Have you been crying? Your eyes are red," Cady asks softly. "Are you okay?"
"Caddy," Janis responds quietly, gently cupping Cady's face in her warm hands. Cady has to actively resist leaning into them. "I'm really high."
"Ohhh," Cady says. "That's what the smell is."
"Yeah," Janis snorts. "Damian and I added weed to our Halloween movie night a few years ago. We just get stoned, eat, and watch random shit."
"Sounds fun," Cady says.
"It is," Janis says. She soaks a few cotton pads in something and hands Cady one. "Hold that on your nose, it'll dissolve the glue holding the glitter on."
Cady does, and Janis holds the other two pads to each of her cheeks. Cady tries not to stare into Janis' eyes, but she just has to. The bloodshot look somehow just makes the sky blue of her irises pop even more than they normally do. "Your eyes are really pretty."
Why the hell would you say that?! she asks herself frantically. Now she's gonna know-
"Thanks," Janis whispers. "So are yours."
Cady continues looking over every little detail of her friend's face, trying to memorize what she can. Who knows when she'll be this close to Janis next?
"That should be good," Janis murmurs after about a minute. Cady pulls the pad off her nose and looks to Janis for further instruction. Janis gently rubs the pads she had held against her cheeks around to remove the glitter and the eyeliner whiskers as much as she can. Cady scrunches up her face as she does the same to her nose.
"Tickles," she murmurs.
"You're cute," Janis whispers as she soaks another two pads in something else. "This is for your eye makeup."
Cady takes them and closes her eyes, pressing the pads to her eyelids to soak off the makeup there. "Oh, this feels nice."
"Damian has all the good shit. I would've shredded my skin learning to do my makeup if I didn't have him," Janis chuckles.
"How long have you guys known each other?" Cady asks, looking in what she hopes is Janis' direction with the cotton pads still pressed to her eyes.
"First grade," Janis responds. "You can rub those around now." Cady does. "I broke his nose."
"Really?" Cady asks with a shocked laugh as she swipes her eye makeup off.
"Yeah," Janis chuckles. She tosses the pads into the garbage can and scoops out a small bit of something from a blue tub. She rests it on Cady's fingers. "Rub this in like you're washing your face. It's a cleansing oil."
Cady does, looking in the mirror to see where she needs to apply it. She looks a bit like a raccoon with her eyeliner and mascara still smeared around her eyes, but she's definitely back on her way to Cady and not a lion. "How did you break his nose?"
"Punched him," Janis responds simply. "He said girls couldn't punch. I proved him wrong."
"And he still wanted to be your friend?"
"Oh, yeah, it was his idea," Janis chuckles. "We got sent to the office together and got to talking. He said I punched good and stood up for me when my dad came to pick me up. And then we sat next to each other the next day and that was that. He's been my best friend ever since."
"That's... weirdly really adorable," Cady chuckles as she finishes massaging the oil all over her face. "Now what?"
"Get it wet but don't rinse it off," Janis instructs, leaning against the wall behind her and meeting her eyes in the mirror. Cady shoots her a confused look. "Just splash a little water on your face."
Cady does. Janis tells her to rub it in again, so Cady listens. She doesn't totally understand how this works, but it feels nice, so she doesn't say anything about it.
Janis grabs a bottle of something else while Cady rinses the cleansing oil off her face and gives her a pump of it. Cady looks at her expectantly.
"Cleanser," Janis sighs, clearly having been put through this process by Damian countless times before. "Same thing."
Cady finishes washing her face like normal. Janis grabs what Cady hopes are the last products while she pats her face dry with a cushy towel.
"Close your eyes," Janis instructs as she shakes a spray bottle of... something. "And hold your breath."
Cady listens and winces as Janis spritzes her with whatever it is. "Ooh. That smells nice."
"Yeah, I dunno what it is," Janis replies with a chuckle.
"You don't even know what it is? And you put it on my face?" Cady giggles.
"It's... some kind of toner, I don't know. You can trust Damian if you don't trust me," Janis replies as she gently taps something else over her skin and starts massaging it in.
"I do trust you," Cady says softly, closing her eyes contently and relishing in the feel of Janis' soft hands gently rubbing in the product. "Your hands are soft."
"Thanks," Janis whispers. She gently strokes the pad of her thumb up and down the bridge of Cady's nose to get some she'd missed. Cady almost falls asleep standing up. "There."
"Thanks," Cady says, grinning up at her friend. She gets a burst of courage upon looking into Janis' eyes once more and leans in to wrap her in a tight hug. Janis seems surprised and tenses briefly underneath her, but she quickly wraps her arms around Cady's shoulders and squishes her close. She rests her cheek on top of Cady's head and absentmindedly rubs her thumb back and forth over her shoulder.
Cady wants to stay here forever.
To keep things as platonic as she can, she pulls back after a minute at most and gives Janis a friendly smile before they head back out to join Damian.
"Oh my god, there you are!" he says dramatically. He's clearly also partaken in the weed while they've been getting Cady taken care of. "You guys took foreveeeeer."
"You're the one who insisted on doing it properly," Janis responds. "Gimme."
Damian passes her the... Cady isn't sure of the term, but whatever it is they're smoking. Janis inhales some and settles in on the couch. Damian asks, "Did you moisturize her?"
"Yes," Janis says with a roll of her eyes.
"But did you use the ton-"
"Yes! I did everything you told me to," Janis says.
"But did you?"
"She did," Cady giggles. "I promise."
"Mmkay," Damian hums suspiciously. "Ooh, you're glowing! Look at you!"
"Thanks," Cady says as she sits down in between them. There's not much room on the couch; it's really more of a loveseat at best. She winds up pressed quite heavily against Janis' side. "What are we watching?"
"What do you want to watch?" Damian responds, languidly grabbing the remote and flicking through the Halloween section of some various streaming services.
"I dunno," Cady says. "I'm not really a scary movie person."
"Hmm," Damian hums pensively.
"Caddy, do you want some?" Janis asks from her other side. Cady looks to see her offering her the... whatever it's called.
"Oh, um... no thank you," Cady says. Janis nods and takes it back for herself.
"Up to you," she says. That simple sentence fills Cady with such relief. She smiles faintly and leans in the slightest little bit closer.
Damian suddenly gives a delighted gasp as he finds something. Cady looks at him. "Is this gonna be scary?"
"Oh, yeah," Damian says. "Just not in the way you're expecting."
Cady frowns in confusion and looks at the screen. Do scary movies usually have theme music?
"Is this a horror movie?" Janis stage whispers.
"No, it's the DoodleBops," Damian whispers back.
"Shit," Janis replies. "We watched this as kids?"
"I dunno who this we is, but apparently some sadder people out there have, yes."
Cady quickly learns what Damian meant. Janis and Damian are both staring blankly at the screen. Cady is too, but she's confused by the colorful figures dancing and singing at her on the screen. "What is this?"
"I don't fucking know," Janis responds, sounding absolutely shaken to the core.
"It's amazing," Damian responds. He's on the opposite end of the spectrum, sounding absolutely delighted by what he's seeing and actually bopping his head a little bit to the musical numbers.
Cady isn't entirely sure what to make of the situation. It doesn't seem like something Janis and Damian would watch ordinarily. Must be the drugs.
Cady's half wondering if she shouldn't try some just to get the full experience when Janis sags a little further into the couch, almost like she's becoming one with it, and groans, "Where's your dooooog?"
"Oh, dog!" Damian exclaims in horror, doing exactly the opposite as he leaps off the couch and goes running to the door.
Janis takes advantage of his absence to reach across Cady and snatch the remote to turn the strange show off. "That's enough of that."
"He has a dog?" Cady asks happily.
"Yeah," Janis says, resting her clearly too-heavy head on Cady's shoulder and browsing through Netflix. "Golden lab."
Cady squeals and sits a little more upright. Janis whines quietly and shifts with her. Cady's almost shaking in her excitement, hoping the dog makes an appearance with Damian when he returns.
She feels like all of her dreams have come true when the puppy comes barreling down the stairs and directly up to Cady, its entire back half wiggling in delight as it sniffs happily at the new human.
"Hi!" Cady says just as happily as she offers her hands to sniff before she rubs the pup behind the ears.
"Hey Stanley," Janis greets, wrapping her entire hand gently around the dog's snout and wiggling its head back and forth. The dog is completely unphased and hops up next to Cady to take Damian's place.
"What a good boy," Cady coos as the dog rolls over to show off its tummy for some belly rubs. Cady happily obliges.
"No, she's a girl," Janis chuckles. "We found her on the sidewalk when we were in sixth grade and Dame named her Stanley. And then we took her to the vet to get checked out and they told us she's a girl. But Stanley stuck."
"What a good girl," Cady amends. "Stanley."
"Stanley," Damian groans. "Get down, you're in my spot."
"But I love her," Cady pouts, gently hugging the puppy. Stanley wags her tail happily to show her agreement.
"This dog is never not in the way," Damian sighs. He carefully lifts the dog's backside and sits down. It's quite crowded now with three people and a dog, but Cady is certainly not complaining. "Hey, what happened to the DoodleBops?"
"Something I cannot fathom," Janis mutters to herself. "Caddy hasn't seen Stranger Things."
"Oh," Damian says, suddenly understanding the gravity of the situation. Cady still doesn't totally get it, but she watches in excitement as the opening music starts playing.
"Aww," Cady says when the kids make their first appearance. "They're so cute!"
"Just wait," Janis says ominously. Cady does. She almost cries when Will goes missing, and finds herself subconsciously leaning closer to Janis for comfort from the sadness and spooks.
She eventually ends up on the ground with Stanley; both of them having felt a bit suffocated on the loveseat with all four of them. Janis shifts to lie down as much as she can, her head in Damian's lap and her arm dangling off the side of the couch, resting on Cady's shoulder. Cady leans against it and smiles as Janis uses it to hug her and play with her hair.
Stanley rests her head on Cady's lap and drifts off for a nap. Cady continues watching the show contently and gently pets the pup from time to time. Janis does the same to Cady.
Cady hasn't felt this safe since she moved to America. Hasn't felt so... home. Like she knows she's supposed to be where she is. Like she's... found where she belongs.
—-
"I'm goin' to bed," Janis groans after a while, stretching and sitting upright.
"Goodnight," Cady says gently. Janis grins at her with her adorable sleepy face and Cady only shrieks internally for thirty seconds. She watches as Janis pads over to the shelf in the corner and tugs down a sleeping bag before she unrolls it and climbs in.
Stanley apparently decides to join her. Cady pouts as she stretches and yawns before trotting over and curling up next to Janis. Janis maneuvers the sleeping bag enough that she's effectively spooning the dog and shuts her eyes.
Cady climbs back up next to Damian and leans against his arm. Damian turns the volume of the TV down so he and Cady can continue watching without disturbing Janis.
They don't say anything for a few episodes. Damian seems perfectly content to cuddle with Cady and watch the show. Cady is a little more antsy, shifting positions every few minutes and trying to keep from looking over at Janis.
She looks so peaceful when she's asleep. Her hair is fanned out around her like a half-blonde halo. She groans quietly, making Cady worried they've woken her up, but Janis just rolls onto her back and shifts her arms to rest above her head ballet dancer style. So cute.
Apparently Damian notices that Cady hasn't been successful in her don't look at Janis mission, because he turns the TV down a little bit more and quietly asks, "Is it her?"
"What?" Cady asks in shock. Damian looks at her with a knowing look in his eye.
"Your girl crush. Is it Janis?" Damian asks. Shit. He'll know if Cady lies, but he's also Janis' lifelong best friend. Would he tell her if I said yes? What do I do? "I won't tell her either way."
"You won't?" Cady asks.
"No way," Damian scoffs dramatically. "That's your job. You get to do that if and when you think you're ready."
"...Yeah, it is," Cady mumbles sheepishly. "But I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her."
"Why not?"
"There's no way she likes me back," Cady says sadly. "And I don't... want her to think I'm faking. Like I'm so desperate that I fell for the first girl who likes girls I've ever met, you know?"
"She wouldn't," Damian says soothingly. "Every gay person has to start somewhere. Janis just happens to also be the first one you met. You come from different circumstances than most of us do, that's not your fault. She'd understand."
"She still doesn't like me back," Cady mumbles.
"Do you know that for sure?" Damian asks.
"Um... no, I guess not," Cady says in confusion. "But she hasn't, like... shown any signs of being interested in me."
"That you've noticed," Damian says. "Janis doesn't... show affection easily. Not the way most people do. She has to do a lot more to keep herself safe than she should. It's really hard for her to open up."
Why is he telling me this? Cady asks herself. "You really think I have a shot with her?"
"That I can't say," Damian says. "But you both deserve to be happy. Whether that's with or without the other. And this seems like it's weighing on you a lot already."
"It is," Cady agrees with a sigh. "You think I should tell her?"
"Do you want this to go somewhere?"
"Yes," Cady whispers. "I do."
"Then yes. I think you should tell her," Damian says. Cady mulls this over.
"I... I'll think about it," she says after a while.
"Whatever makes you happy, Merida. Can we sleep now?" Damian asks.
"Yeah," Cady giggles. "I'm sleepy."
"Me too," Damian says. "Let me get you all set up."
"I can do it," Cady says.
"Nonsense. It's your first sleepover with us, you gotta get the special treatment so you stick around," Damian says. He grabs another sleeping bag off the shelf Janis got hers from and unrolls it on the ground. Cady isn't sure how to react when she sees just how close to Janis he placed it. She stands and pads over to him sheepishly as he grabs a pillow for her.
"Thanks."
"No problem," Damian says. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Cady echoes, eagerly accepting the hug he offers and giving her friend a good squeeze. He somehow manages to squish his entire body into a comfortable position on the loveseat and drift off within a few minutes. Good for him.
Cady carefully climbs into her sleeping bag. She apparently wasn't careful enough, because when she settles on the pillow, Janis is awake and staring at her.
"Hi," Cady whispers.
"Hi," Janis whispers back, her voice adorably rough with sleep.
"Sorry I woke you up."
"It's okay," Janis replies. "You have fun?"
"Yeah," Cady says, instantly and honestly. "Loads."
"Good," Janis grins. Cady smiles back and tugs the sleeping bag a little higher around her chin. Janis' eyes rove over her face in the darkness. What she's looking at or looking for, Cady can't be sure. She's panicking too hard to question her about it.
She panics harder when she suddenly remembers she's in Janis' pajamas, too. It's so oddly domestic in a way Cady wasn't expecting. Sleeping next to her crush, wearing her things. Cady can almost pretend they're falling asleep together in a real bed, tangled together. That Stanley, sound asleep at their feet, is a dog of their own. That the sleeping bags aren't prisons separating them and they're freely allowed to tangle together and cuddle each other close.
But for now, Cady has to be content with her fleecy warm sleeping bag and having friendly boundaries with her crush. She takes a deep breath, relishing in the faint smell of Janis coming off the pajama shirt she's wearing, and murmurs a, "Goodnight, Jay."
"G'night, Caddy," Janis whispers back.
Neither of them roll over, and they drift off to sleep face to face.
—————
thanks for reading!! hope you enjoyed!!