"So, you know in horror movies when the girl's like, 'Oh my god! There's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark.' And you're like 'What is your problem? Call the police.' And she's like, 'okay.' But it's too late because she's already getting murdered? Well, uh my story's kind of like that." Jess, the girl the group was looking into being their roommate explained
Ramona found herself cringing as she told them a descriptive story of what had transpired with her ex. Ramona zoned out halfway through it, but from what she picked up she was naked when she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. She couldn't imagine ever being in a comfortable situation.
"So." Jess began "That happened. That's why I need a new apartment. I'm sorry, what was the question again?"
Schmidt and Ramona shared a look as Nick asked "Do you have any pets?"
-----(Cue theme song)---
"You know what's funny? When I saw your ad on craigslist, I thought all of you would be women. Did you write it?" Jess asked looking at Ramona
This caused everyone to laugh, Ramona a bit harder than them. She gave Schmidt a grin
Schmidt's laugh was more forced "We're all... That's... Why would you think that?" He shifted in his seat "I mean, what?"
Ramona calmed down a bit. "Schmidt was the one that wrote the ad, he wouldn't let me do it. Something about not wording things right?" the woman looked at Schmidt "Nailed it by the way."
"Oh, I guess, it was something about the words you used. It was like, uh, like 'sun-soaked' and 'beige-y' " Jess explained
This caused the group to laugh again. Ramona found herself instantly looking away when Schmidt pulled his shirt off, feeling a bit awkward being next to her shirtless ex.
"No one wants to see that." Ramona groaned and covered her face
"You used to." Schmidt fired back before he looked at Jess "What about these? These beige-y to you?"
"Sorry." Nick looked at Jess
"I'm his trainer, so, uh, it's kind of the house that coach built right here." Coach informed Jess as he smacked Schmidt's stomach lightly
"What are we looking at here?" Nick asked,
"Let me know when you find out?" Ramona tapped Nick's shoulder and went to the kitchen, she wanted to be away from this situation as soon as possible.
Jess got up and looked around "This place is beautiful. It has so much light. Spencer hated light... It's hard to say his name."
It's okay. Nick knows. He got dumped." Schmidt spoke as he finally put his shirt on
Nick scoffed "Dumped. Yeah, I got dumped." he said sarcastically before coming to his senses "Yeah, I got dumped. She dumped me. And I'm over it."
"If you're not, it's okay bud. Breakups suck." Ramona gave him a sad smile
"It was six months ago Ramona! Get past it! I don't even know why we're still talking about it. Why is everybody looking at me?" Nick sighed and rubbed his forehead
"You're one to talk dude, Ramona dumped you." Coach looked at him
"Ernie, I swear to god." Ramona glared at him,
"Thank you for bringing that up. Look, that was a year and a half ago we both moved on." Schmidt told him
"Mhm." Ramona gave him a small smile "It's nothing we have to bring up. We were young and stupid."
Schmidt nodded "Exactly."
Jess went over to where Ramona was standing causing the guys to follow "You know what, I want to live here."
"Actually, I still have some questions," Nick said, "I mean, no offense, but we barely know you."
"Yeah, okay, yeah. So, um, full disclosure, I'm kind of emotional right now 'cause of the breakup, so I'll probably be watching dirty dancing at least six or seven times. A day. Um, I'm a teacher so I bring home a lot of popsicle sticks, and stuff like that. Also, I like to sing to myself a lot." Jess informed them before she sang out "A lot." she composed herself "I'm tired of living with my friend. She's a model. All her friends are models."
"Uh, how soon can you move in?" Schmidt spoke with a glint in his eyes
Ramona rolled her eyes, "Typical."
"Actually Schmidt, slow up." Nick shut him down
"Not happening." Coach shook his head
"Okay, uh, can you give us a second?" Schmidt asked, "I just got to... talk to my peeps."
" 'My peeps' is not a thing," Nick said as he got up
Ramona sighed "You are on fire today, jar," Ramona told him before she went to the bathroom to come up with a decision.
"I'm gonna say yes. Her friends are models." Schmidt said trying to get his point across "Okay you guys? Models."
"Look, I don't know her too well. She seems like an exhausting person though, there's way too much going on."Ramona spoke before she leaned against the wall, "She seems nice though, so I say yes?"
"I say no, I need to be able to come home from work, sit on my couch and let my beans out. Let 'em breathe." Coach spoke,
"Wait, do you do that when I'm here?" Ramona made a face "That's disgusting."
"You work a lot of night shifts." Coach shrugged, "I'm asleep by two."
"Nick, it's all you buddy." Schmidt looked at him
"Well, first let me say that you guys make some really interesting points. Points that I respect, but I will say that I have lived with women, Caroline as you guys know so I know that there are pros and there are some real cons guys."
"Nick, you're weak!" Coach yelled,
"Do I just not exist?" Ramona asked, raising an eyebrow at the man
"Let me finish! Okay, they smell nice. Cons, every once in a while the mood changes, and you're not sure why. They'll ruin your life if you let them. They'll break down your will to live. Pros, they're really good at folding."
"Make a decision!" Coach yelled,
"I'm sorry you know, but like another pro, like." Nick put his hood on
This caused the guys to protest, though Ramona just stared at him in disbelief.
"How about this? Executive decision, she's in." Schmidt answered for everyone
"Yay, I'm in!" Jess yelled from outside the door
Schmidt went over to the door and opened it revealing Jess
"You are not gonna regret this," Jess told the group
"I'm sure, now get out. I have to get ready for my shift." Ramona told everyone as she went to the shower
Jess bounced off to god knows where and the guys slowly walked out of the room one by one, Nick then Coach, and finally Schmidt.
Ramona took a quick shower before she had to start her shift at the bar
---------------------------------
After Ramona got home, she was ready for bed; she paused when she noticed Jess on the couch, she was sobbing while watching dirty dancing. The guys were nowhere in sight
"Naturally." Ramona rolled her eyes and went over to Jess "Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. Breakups suck."
Jess tried to wipe her tears "Yeah." she sniffled
"Do you want to room with me tonight? Being out in the open kind of sucks, we can even bring dirty dancing in there and you can rant to me or whatever you want."Ramona gave her a small smile
Jess gave Ramona a sad smile "Okay." she slowly got up
"I think I'm gonna get some takeout too, y'know? I didn't eat at work so I'm starving." Ramona told her softly as she grabbed the box of tissues "Anything sound good?"
"Pizza?" She teared up, "You're so nice." her voice cracked
"Thank you?" Ramona chuckled "It's okay. I'll order everything. Do you want to set everything up in my room? It's the second door on the right."
She nodded and went to set everything up, Ramona watched the girl go off to her room with a sigh. She ordered the food and cleaned whatever mess Jess left, once she was done with everything she went to her room
"You have a really big room." Jess looked around
"Thank you, I had to fight the guys over it. If you mention female things they get uncomfortable surprisingly quickly."Ramona laughed, "You can take my bed."
"No, you've already been so nice."
"Take it, I barely sleep anyway." Ramona told her before I settled on my chair "Wanna tell me about the guy that's been causing you all of... this?"
"His name was Spencer, he had a ponytail."
Ramona almost gagged "A guy named Spencer and he has a ponytail? Sounds hot." she made a face "That's um... wow."
"Yeah... I'm not ready to talk about him yet. What about you, do you have a hot piece of ass?" Jess looked at Ramona
"I can't take you seriously when you say that, I'm sorry." Ramona laughed softly "Um, not currently. I've talked to people, but I haven't had anything serious since Schmidt."
"I heard something about that, I can't see him in a relationship," Jess told her as she started the movie
"Three years, he was amazing but y'know. Girls started noticing him when he lost weight. Got to his head, so I left." Ramona explained, "It's actually a lot more complicated. Let's just watch the movie and wait for our food?"
"Okay.."