Felix's POV
I looked into therapy with Sean later that day, as promised, despite being skeptical about it. I haven't exactly had the best experiences with "professional help" in the past. The mental hospital, psychiatrists, even my school counter, none of them had proved to be helpful. But Sean insisted that I just haven't found the right people yet, and that it sometimes takes trying and trying again. I trusted him. So I gave it a go. We looked into online therapy and it wasn't long before I had my first appointment set up.
Sean was excited for me and offered we go for a walk to celebrate. I agreed. Some fresh air sounded nice. It's been too long since I've been outside, embarrassingly enough.
After getting Edgar ready we head outside. The cool air hits me and I let out a small shiver. I was a little cold, but the air felt heavenly. The sunlight kissed my face and the surrounding birds sang beautifully. I smiled to myself as I embraced it all. I hadn't realized how much I missed this. I noticed Sean smiling at me. I blushed but smiled softly to myself. I'm glad he decided to drag me out here.
A peaceful quiet filled in between us, allowing me to take in the sounds of Edgar's leash and the occasional sounds of grass under my feet, all the smells of nearby plants and bread baking from a nearby bakery, and the feeling of the wind brushing against my skin.
We end up at the park and have a seat on a bench. I look around me at all the other people out and about. I wondered if any of them were outside for the first time in forever as well, or if they were...well, "normal".
"Ice cream!" Sean suddenly shouted. I was pulled out of my thoughts as he jumped up from the bench and pointed over to the ice cream truck pulling in. "You want anything?" He asked eagerly.
"Oh, um, surprise me?" I said with a shrug.
"Okay!" He said. I giggled and watched my friend run up to the ice cream truck like a giddy child. He was the first to get there. A line of kids quickly lined up behind him as he made his order. Within a few minutes he was carefully making his way back over with two cones of ice cream in his hands, and a small cup being balanced in the middle. He placed the cup down on the bench. "They have ice cream for dogs!"he announced. Edgar quickly doved his whole snoot into the small cup of ice cream and started eating it up quickly. I chuckled and gave him pets his ate. "And I got you mint chocolate chip" Sean said handing me mine.
"You know me so well" I said sweetly. He smiled and sat next to me.
"And chocolate for me!" He said before taking a lick.
I giggled and started to eat my own frozen treat.
I was almost at the cone when the minty green color reminded me of something that made me chuckle.
"What?" Sean asked me curiously.
"I was just thinking about when your hair used to be green" I told him. "Eating this reminded me of it".
"Would you eat me if it was still green?" He joked. I looked over at him and bounced my eyebrows.
"Oh no!" He laughed and scooted back.
"Don't worry, I don't bite too hard" I said with a smirk.
Sean laughed and hid his face behind his ice cream. When he pulled away he had the smallest bit of chocolate on his nose.
"You got it on your nose!" I laughed.
"Where?" Sean said touching every other spot on his nose.
"Oh my god, hold still you goober" I said leaning in close. I gently wiped the spot off. "There" I said not pulling away. An unknown force was keeping me close to him, and wanted to be pull me in even closer. Our faces were nearly inches apart. It fell silent as I got lost in his eyes. I started to lean in. Just a little more and we'd be...no this was bad. I quickly pulled away and stood before he could notice how red my face was. "Um-" I cleared my throat and tossed the rest of my cone in the trash can beside us. "We should get going".
"O-okay" Sean said. I tossed out Edgar's empty cup and started walking down the pathway with Sean not too far behind.
-
"Hey, are you feeling okay?" Sean asked me after we made it back to the house.
"Yeah" I said slipping my shoes off. I haven't looked at him the whole way here. Not since I so stupidly almost kissed him. What is wrong with me? It's like I wanted to lose my best friend. "I'm fine. I'm just tired" I said. It was only half a lie. I was pretty tired. "I'm gonna go take a nap. Feel free to do whatever". I said heading to my room.
I shut the door quietly behind me and flopped down on my bed. At least my bed was actually comfortable now, thanks to Sean. He's such an amazing friend. God I hope I never lose him. I hope I can get over this stupid crush...
I hug my fawn plushie close to me and slowly drift off to sleep.
I woke up a few hours later after, unfortunately, having another stupid nightmare. They've been happening more and more lately. In this one I was alone. Just sitting in a cold dark room and crying. It felt as though the dream was still clinging to me when I woke up. Until I realized that I was actually cold and pulled a soft blanket over my shoulders.
I looked over to my nightstand and caught sight of my phone. Perhaps it was time I finally turned it on. I hooked it up to the charger and held the power button down until it buzzed and the screen lit up.
Within minutes it was going off almost non stop trying to catch up to all the notifications. There were dozens of missed calls and texts. Most of them from Sean. A pit of guilt settled in my stomach. My friends must have been worried sick. How could I be so careless and stupid to think otherwise?
One notification in particular made my heart skip a beat. A missed call from my Dad. I hadn't heard from him in ages...
I stared at my screen for what had to be at least five minutes. Finally, I decided to call him back.
It only rang twice before there was an answer.
"Felix?" My Fathers voice spoke.
I swallowed, trying to get rid of the dryness scratching up my throat. "Hi Dad" I said in an almost whisper.
"It's about time you reached out. Was starting to think you weren't alive" he said.
"Y-yeah, I um...I'm sorry Dad" I replied. "I've just been...real busy".
"With what? No one's heard from you Felix. You disappeared off the face of the earth without a word. What could possibly be so important that you couldn't talk to your own family?"
I had to hold myself back from asking if he was serious. It's not like he had been the best at reaching out either. Even before I "disappeared". I've always been the one to text or call first. Funnily enough, my family only started to become "friendlier" towards me after hearing about how much money I make off of YouTube.
"Well, to be honest Dad I haven't been doing well" I admitted.
"What do you mean, you're sick?" He asked.
"No, I mean...mentally" I said already knowing I would regret it. My Dads never been the understanding type when it came to mental health.
"Oh good lord" I heard him mumble not so quietly to himself. "Felix you need to get over yourself already. You're a grown man. Go outside and stop being so down about yourself. What could you possibly be sad about? Think about everything you have. Maybe get a girlfriend. Its about time you starts settling down anyhow. Know any girl you're into?"
"No" I muttered.
"Nonese, there's got to be someone. What about that Mariza girl?"
"No, Dad" I said gradually getting more frustrated with him. "I'm not into any girl. I'm not into girls at all, you know that".
"Stop talking right now!" my Dad shouted. "I'm not arguing about this with you again! Get that gay shit out of your head, you hear me?! Enough of this bull shit you've created just to spite me! I don't know what I did to make you turn against us all but it ends now! If you continue with this life choice I will have no option but to cut you out from family all together until you clean up your act!"
"FINE!" I snapped. "CUT ME OUT THEN, SEE IF I FUCKING CARE!" I hung up immediately after and threw my phone onto the bed so hard it bounced off the edge and hit the floor. I hit the wall behind me with the side of my fist hard enough to hurt. I pulled my knees to my chest as I broke down into sobs. Just when I thought I had a chance to reconnect with my Dad, I lose my whole family instead. Not a single one of them will want anything to do with me after that.
Not that they wanted much anyway ever since I came out as gay to all of them. My cries grew louder when I realized my nightmares were coming true. I really was becoming more alone.
There was a knock on my bedroom door just then.
"Felix?" Sean's voice spoke. "You okay buddy?"
I sniffled and wiped away the stray tears off my face only for more to replace them. "No" I admitted.
The door opened and Sean quickly came to my side. He sat on the bed beside me and rubbed my back. "What's going on Fee?" He whispered.
I buried my face in his chest and clung to his sweaters "My family hates me" I cried. "They hate me because...I'm gay. And I don't know how to change their minds".
"Oh Fee" Sean said hugging me tight. "I'm so sorry. Family shouldn't shut you out for something like that".
"I just wish I wasn't like this" I whispered.
"Hey" he said placing a hand over my cheek as he hugged me close to his chest. "There is nothing wrong with you, Felix. It's okay to be who you are. And...if It makes you feel any less alone...I'm bisexual".
I looked up at him in surprise. "You are?"
He smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry your family doesn't accept you. But you've got me. And I'm not going anywhere".
I smiled through my tears and hugged the life out of him. "Thank you Sean. Thank you so much".
Sean hummed and hugged me back. "Anytime Fee".
To be continued!