╰┈➤ ❝ [PATHETIC] ❞
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YES & NO by XYLO playing...
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
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3.12 AM is the time you woke up as a result of jolting your body. It wasn't a nightmare nor did you dream. Like how everyone experienced (at least once), that when they close their eyes, they'd feel like they're falling.
Yet you, you felt like you were floating. Your eyes snap open and when you did, you felt breathless and had to catch your breath like a gaping fish.
That's when you realize you're not laying on a bed.
Your eyes widened from the structure of whatever you are laying on right now, and you were not a fan of the dim. You hated that you couldn't see, and it's worse when your eyesight is still blurry.
Your throat suddenly hitches when you feel someone's breath hit the back of your neck.
And now you have to pat the side you're laying down on just to find your pills. But as you crawl your hand under the pillow, something intertwines with your hand, resulting in you screaming and slapping that hand only for the owner of that hand to groan.
You yell louder in surprise when you hear the man's groan and end up elbowing him under you to receive a pained sound from him, clutching his stomach, finally waking him up, eyes open.
"Okay! Okay! I'm up! I'm up! God..." He groans and rolls his neck, "After all the years and months I couldn't sleep, I only get an hour of good sleep?" He mumbles to himself, his voice hoarse and sort of raspy from waking up and you can finally recognize the owner of that voice.
You squint, looking over your shoulder, and leaned to see his face under the moonlight shining through the blinds of your room. "Chishiya?" You question, your hand making its way under the pillow to get a hold of your pills to make sure that you weren't just imagining this whole thing.
"I should've told you not to hurt me instead of not giving me a black eye." He continues to groan, the continuous pain playing on his stomach as he tries to rub the sensation off.
You remain silent, pausing yourself as you try to adjust to the dimness of the room, now a little less scared of the darkness as you can now see the person under you who is also under the same sheets.
Getting a grasp of the bottle of pills, you were about to pull it out but the man - who you're still unsure was real or not - caught it.
"This is just a dream, sweetheart. Please, go back to sleep. You don't need these pills right now. Just sleep, I'm only a dream."
You sigh and blink twice before shaking your head in disappointment, not because of Chishiya's words but because he wasn't just a false image playing in your head. You knew this because the fake Chishiya wouldn't be saying that he's a dream - at least in most of your hallucinations, they never tell you to go back to sleep.
'God. I thought I was thinking of him so much that he came back to being a hallucination.' You think to yourself before opening your mouth to talk, only for your voice to sound groggy more than you expected, "Chishiya, what are you doing here?"
"I'm your new teddy bear. Go back to sleep." He sleepily says, eyes shutting down again while his hand rubs the pained area of his stomach, still feeling the gut punch but he still made the effort to reach out and pull you back into a hug but you slapped his hand,
"Chishiya, stop fucking with me."
"Well, you should stop fucking with Niragi."
'I feel too tired for this.' You internally groan and rub your fingers on your temple to get your head out of the haziness. "What the fuck are you doing on my bed?!" You ask with your voice a little louder.
And though you wanted to argue with him about the cuckolding, you felt no energy to say anything about that, you still feel your head thumping so slightly - the whole reason why you first started drinking was because of the intimate moment you shared with Niragi and you do not wish to bring that up after waking up.
Chishiya sighs and finally opens his eyes to peek at you before closing them back again, he noticed the change of topic yet chose to ignore it as well. Just like you, he decided that he doesn't want to continue that topic right now. He just wants some sleep after so long.
"It was so that I can be some kind of replacement for a teddy bear as a gift at first -" He pauses then pulls you back to his embrace, catching you off.
"But then you came back drunk and so I did become the teddy bear. After all these years, you're still the same when drunk." He chuckles, a playful smile on his face as he caresses the back of your hand.
"Y/N... get away from me. I can feel you licking my fucking hand." Chishiya snarls in between his gritted teeth as he tries to drag you to his bed for you to rest after you were persuaded to drink.
Chishiya looks down at you, who continues to mumble incoherent words while you clung onto him, almost squishing your cheek on his shoulder.
"Tsk. You know, if I wasn't there, Chase could do so many things to you. You fucking idiot."
You mumble something again, rubbing your cheek on his shoulder before your eyes flicker open so fluttery.
"Mmm... you stink."
"What?" Chishiya mumbles, glaring at you as he tries to adjust your position on his bed. "You know, you're lucky that I lend you my bed for the night."
"Mmm... fluffy~" you giggle once you feel the softness of the pillow welcoming the back of your head, only for you to cuddle it.
Chishiya rolls his eyes.
"It smells like Taro Kun~" you grumble, only digging your face onto the pillow even deeper, giggling louder.
Chishiya sighs, hands on his hips as he watches you rub almost all parts of your body on his bed, it kinda makes the corners of his lips lift up until you continue to speak.
"And he stinks..."
Chishiya rolls his eyes, frowning instantly.
"But I love him anyway."
You pull yourself away, wanting to glare at him if it wasn't for the fact that you can't see a lot. But there's one word that caught your attention.
"A gift?" You question. You look down at yourself and remind yourself that the jacket you're wearing now originally belonged to Chishiya but decided to not point that out.
"Kuina told me to get you a teddy bear but I thought that was stupid so I became the teddy bear. It's a smart idea, no?" He laughs to himself, finding himself amusing then peeks one eye at you and raises one of his arms to welcome you back in his arms.
"What time is it?" He asks, slowly, sleepy, and groggy.
You look at the alarm clock - the one that only needed a battery to work - you brought from one of the abandoned malls back to the beach and answer, "3:15 am."
"Ahh. So we still have time." He then pats his stomach and smiles at you, at least that's what you were assuming under the dark. "Come on, c'mere, it's been so long since I've gotten a good rest." He says, waving his hand as a sign for you to come closer but you just stayed in your current position.
"Aren't you supposed to go now? I'm clearly awake. Shoo."
"Well, aren't you supposed to kick me out?" He peeks with one eye yet again with a cheeky grin that you cannot make out under the dim moonlight before feeling a pang of ache on both sides of your head.
"Ahh. Fuck. I forgot I drank..." You complain quietly, rubbing your templates together.
"Ahh. So I do get to stay."
"No. You don't." You retort, trying to glare at him but his eyes are closed.
"If I get some aspirin and some water, will I get to stay?"
You raise a brow and only rub your head together as the hangover from only two cans continues to disturb you. "I'm so tired. What did you say again?" You whisper to yourself.
"I'm taking that as a yes." He then opens his eyes, waking himself up momentarily just so that he can take what he has promised which was aspirin and water. Luckily for you, he knew about you drinking before he even came into your room.
With backup, the aspirin and water are found right ahead of the bed where the desk is. He stands up and opens the light, blinding both you and him for a second before he gets to take the aspirin.
You look down at yourself, wondering how this all happened and that's when you noticed - you're not naked nor was Chishiya. You sighed in relief.
"What happened?" You ask as he gives you the pill and the water. After examining and checking that this is indeed aspirin, you take it in and proceed to drink.
Chishiya, on the other hand, did not miss the fact that you had to recheck and rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, I'm not gonna drug you."
You roll your eyes in the midst of drinking. When you give him back the glass, you say, "That's not what happened before."
He sighs and crouches to your eye level and places his nose close to yours. And while you are caught off guard, the headache and your sleepy state make you unable to move.
"Let's make a deal-"
"Fuck your deals. You should've been a drug dealer, not a doctor." You grumble, leaning away from his butterfly kisses.
He sighs and continues. "Look. We're both sleepy, cranky, and sleep deprived." He points out and pauses to see if you agree. When you remained silent, he took that as a yes.
"And I haven't gotten a good sleep for years until an hour ago."
"Well, I don't care, you're annoying."
"But I care and you're endearing," He pauses again before standing up and closing the lights before sitting himself down on the bed again, "now listen-" He pulls you right by your arm to his chest, snuggling you.
"I may not be the strongest guy here but so are you."
You glare at him, "I can still punch you."
He tightens his hold, a cocky look on his face. "Not when I- OW!" He curses loudly, feeling your fist on the same pain area you have just punched recently, only resulting in him in more pain. "Okay! Okay! I get it! But can we just wait till the morning sun? I'm enjoying it here!"
You start kicking your legs in reply but in reflex, Chishiya pulls himself up, arms still around you as he takes a blanket to wrap you while you try to kick yourself away but you had to stop to not worsen the pain in your head.
This was an opportunity for Chishiya to finally wrap you and himself so you have no other space but to hug him and so he did. He rolled you into a burrito and pulled you back into his arms, both of his arms now wrapped in a burrito you.
"Ha! Now here's a deal, alright?" He whispers and adjusts his shoulders to pull you closer while you're in an awkward position with both of your hands on your chest and your legs up your chest - the only available space is if you wrap both your legs and arms around Chishiya to get a more comfortable sleep.
You refused to do that though and just remained silent, putting a grudge against him.
"We will wait till the morning sun, you're gonna let me sleep with you like this, and I will tell you everything that I know about the Borderlands, what happened last night, and the past five years, my plan, and about your friends, alright?"
"My friends...? Arisu and Usagi?"
"Yes. You know, I'm only looking out for my sweetie."
Without an answer, he takes that as a yes again and only feels proud of himself when you nod, clearly upset. But you didn't even know if that was the alcohol still talking.
"Good. Wrap your arms around me, it must be uncomfortable, won't it?" He smirks but you shake your head this time.
"No."
"If I say please, will that work? It's just some cuddles." He pleads and as another pause comes along, he adds, "You can punch me in the morning."
You roll your eyes and wrap your arms around him, glad that your arms can finally breathe but also embarrassed that you're hugging the man who has been disturbing your thoughts and routines for years and it only got worse last night.
"Good." He whispers to himself, putting a ghost kiss on your earlobe and you swear you can feel the shivers under your skin.
"Well, now I can't sleep."
"Good thing for you, I know how to put you to sleep and no, I'm not gonna drug yout. Just come closer." He coos, tracing a finger on your back, he was tracing circles, smiling to himself as you're forced to put your legs around him, only making him smile more.
That's when you realize your hand is hugging his bare torso. You push yourself away from him just to look at him, giving him a disgusted reaction.
"Why is your jacket open again?" You whisper, feeling the weight on your shoulders as your cheeks flush - embarrassed.
"You no like?" He smirks and you pinch his side, earning another pained sound. In an immediate response, he gets to smack your bottom, earning a silent gasp from you and a sound of 'smack.'
A wider smirk plastered on the blonde man's face. "Yeah? You don't want me to spank you, don't ya? So I advise you to behave and stop hurting me."
You grumble incoherent words before putting your shin on his shoulder, wanting to just hide your flushed feeling away but you couldn't because you're in a burrito blanket with Chishiya - the man causing the weight of embarrassment on your shoulders.
And he couldn't help but feel more proud about it.
"But why are you shirtless again?"
Chishiya sighs, "Okay... okay. I don't know how to flirt, alright? So... let the body do its thing." Even though you two were facing opposite ways from the cuddling position you two are in - arms and legs tangled with each other - you can still somehow feel that annoying shit-eating grin on his face.
You wanted to pinch him so badly but you know he won't hesitate to spank you back. If he says he's gonna do it, he will. It's not a threat.
"Ew." You mumble on his skin.
"Not what you said to Niragi when you gave him-"
"Can you shut up or I'm gonna punch you to sleep that your visa will run out of days !" You scold, clawing his shoulder as the humiliation only rises up your skin.
He silences himself and you sigh in relief, feeling less embarrassed. "Good." You whisper to yourself until he opens his mouth again. Now you're just convinced that you two won't sleep at all.
"You know, nothing's stopping me from telling your friends about the... affair unless you cuddle me."
You swear your breathing stopped for a moment from the irritation you have for this man. "Then I'm gonna punch you." You threaten quietly, just wanting some sleep.
"Then..." His hand makes its way to your bottom backside again, only making you feel tense as a grin makes its way on his face once again, "I will tell Arisu. I'm pretty sure you don't want another spank, do you?"
"Don't you dare!"
"Not untilyou grant me my warm cuddles." He whispers as his hand pulls away from your bottom.
"Ugh. You're fucking annoying."
"Look." He pulls away to look you in the eye and it only got tenser and more embarrassing for you as his nose only touches yours, incredibly too close for you.
"I don't like the way I'm acting but I really want a hug from you. Look at it this way - Do you really think you'd give me that if I just said, "hey, give me hugs?" He deadpans, sounding serious, and from that, you were left speechless as you have no answer.
"Exactly my point." He makes his point once you don't answer him and pulls you again to hug you, snuggling your neck, "Now if you want me to tell you everything, and also not tell your friends - maybe let's even say that I won't spank you, then you let me hug you. It's that simple! It's not that hard to settle on an agreement."
You sigh, relaxing your hands from clawing his jacket, "Only for one night?"
"Then so is our deal. It'll only last for one night."
You tusk, "You're really annoying." You mumble then close your eyes, not realizing that your headache from the hangover was gone but it sure will come back if you continue this conversation with Chishiya.
"Ha! Chishiya 1, Y/N 4! - Oh and you're cute." He then unwraps his arms around you, leaving you confused. He pulls you away and adjusts your position. He unwraps your legs from him and places himself under your chin.
He smiles with contentment and you finally know what he's doing when he wrapped your arms back around him again and wrapped his arms around you with his head on your chest. "Now I get to sleep on you."
"Hey hey hey, now that's overboard." You grit your teeth, wanting to push his head away from making your boobs pillows. As if you haven't felt embarrassed enough and as if the headache wasn't enough, Chishiya is the cause of both and you wondered if there is something more than the max level of humiliation.
"Oh yeah? And a blow job isn't? If so, one blowjob please!" He smiles, putting his chin on your chest to smile at you. 'God, his smile resembles a Cheshire smile, it's quite ironic with his surname.' You think to yourself.
You flushed and though it was dark, you knew your blood is rushing back up to your face. Your cheeks are just getting to hot for you to deny that you're not blushing. "No! I meant! - Ugh! Fine-"
"You're gonna give me a blowjob?" He asks, excited as he sits himself up like a giddy kid given his favorite candy.
"No! J-Just let me sleep! Alright? Get the weird hugs you want, but let me sleep! God, my headache is gonna be worse because of you! I don't even know if I'm talking to Chishiya right now."
Not what he wants to hear but granting permission to cuddle you whenever he wants is just good enough, granting him a satisfied cocky smirk. So he shrugs his shoulders and leans back down to your boobs, making himself comfortable. "Yay." He whispers to himself, closing his eyes with a smile on his face. "Now I can sleep."
And you were about to do the same thing, another worried thought pops into your head. "One more thing."
"Hm?" He hums in question, his eyes still closed.
"You're really gonna tell me the plan? No tricks?"
"Yeah, of course, I told you that this plan is all for you and your wishes. Don't worry about me lying." He yawns then pulls your body closer, "But since you asked for one more thing, I get to ask for one more thing too."
"Better not be sex." You groan, feeling the tiredness take over your body as you relax on the bed.
"Ironic that you said that last night too. Funny. But no, sadly it's not. If we're gonna do it, we're gonna do it properly."
You roll your eyes, "As if doing things properly is your thing."
"Stop complaining and put your hands in my hair."
"What?" You deadpanned.
He sighs and opens his eyes to search for your hand and lead it to his hair. Your eyes furrowed. 'I swore this looked crusty before, why does it feel so soft now?' You think... quite a little loud yet again.
"You think my hair is crusty? I dyed it for you and I washed it for you. If your type wasn't that one blond character, then I wouldn't have done this."
"So you won't wash your hair if I wasn't here?"
"No - Just put your hands in my hair. And if you're worried - It's clean! No fleas. No lice, I checked."
"Why do you even want me to play with your hair...?" You ask, your eyes getting a little heavy for you that you feel like the drowsiness will make you sleep another minute if it wasn't for the fact that you were talking to this man who's enjoying his time on your chest.
"... It feels nice. I can't deny that."
You sigh, eyes looking down at the blond before you close it again, inwardly rolling your eyes. Just then, you feel the man shift his position on you before you hear him yawning when he tightens his hold around your waist, "Can we just sleep?
"I agree. Let's sleep. I'll deal with your shit tomorrow."
"Good." He smiles, finally making himself comfortable.
And shocking to say, you too were just as tired as Chishiya, it wasn't too long to drift back to sleep in another minute. But at least there's some peace you two agreed on - and that was sleep.
-------------------
IT'S ASTONISHING how much of what we are can be tied to the beds we wake up in the morning, and it s astonishing how fragile that can be. You noticed that when the lights from the window which were only light illuminated by the moon last night are replaced with the morning sun.
You groan, closing your eyes tighter in hopes you'd go back to the darkness of sleep but can't when all you can see now is your inner eyelid. You groan, stretching your arms out.
Yawning out loud, cracking some bones on your back as you stretch, you fail to remember the man on you who is already quite awake until you feel something on your move, groaning with you.
And when you peek your eyes, you yelled and pushed yourself away from the blonde man. "What the fuck?!" In return, a pained sound comes from his lips, and he scratches his head, completely disturbed by his slumber just as you are.
Chishiya sighs and holds his head together, "God. It's not even time for the games yet, could've enjoyed the sleep first." He groans.
"What are you -" You yelled before recalling the hazy memory of last night at 3 am before slumping your shoulders, frowning to yourself, "ah fuck, right."
You pout then furrow your eyes at Chishiya. "So I got Kuina to- OW! What the hell?!" He cursed loudly, clutching his shoulder when he received a punch from you.
"You told me I can punch you in the morning!"
"Yeah, I did! But I didn't expect you to actually do it when you're not drunk anymore!"
"I fucking aimed a rifle at my head, and you think I wouldn't punch you, seriously?!"
You settle yourself and remove yourself from the bed sadly as you sit up, getting your head back into the reality you have gotten yourself into,
"So? Tell me the plan already." You grumble, still slightly hangover from your sleep or perhaps the beer, you really have a low tolerance when it comes to beer.
"Already? - No good morning kiss? Just straight up into serious shit, huh?"
You roll your eyes, ignoring his attempt at being 'sweet' when you look at your knees, looking at them, you remembered who you kneeled before on the rooftop - an image of Niragi flashes in your head. The way he gaped his mouth to let out such a lewd sound, it disturbed you until Chishiya poked your cheek.
"Oi. Are you with me, right now?"
You sigh, slumping your shoulders, "I can't believe I'm in front of you."
"Neither am I. But I can't complain. I've been finding you."
Remaining silent, Chishiya sits upright and stands before you to check out your puffy face from waking up and grins when he notices your bedhead, "Anyways - I got some unexpired skin products, I put them on the counter of the sink in your bathroom."
Sucking in your inner cheek for a moment, you bat your sleepiness away when you look at Chishiya who crouches in front of the bedtable right beside the table and picks up what seems to be a brush. You didn't even know that you had a brush there, you only comb your hair with your fingers.
Watching him brush his hair, you raise a brow, "You actually brush your hair?"
Chishiya shrugs his shoulder, "No. Not really, but I've got to look presentable in front of you, should I not?"
You scoff, chuckling at that sort of statement. "Okay, whatever. Now tell me the plan."
"Sure. I just need your friends on board." He mumbles, brushing the ends of his hair.
"Tell me the plan first." You sternly command, glaring at the blonde man who only returns the glare back when he puts the brush down.
"Y/N, sweetheart. Do you really think they won't hurt you soon? It's obvious. It's never too late to turn your back." He internally rolls his eyes when he closes them.
You click your tongue into your inner cheek, "No, they will not. Now, tell me everything." You say, quite confident about what you said. You knew Usagi was too mature to do anything that would hurt you, she literally had to be pulled away from you by Arisu.
Arisu on the other hand still brings snacks for you. If that ain't loyal, you don't know what is.
Not wanting to laugh at your face, Chishiya only giggles but also rolls his eyes, "Fine. Suit yourself but if ever that happens, you know you can always come to me." He turns to you and winks at you.
You had to force yourself not to gag watching him try to be a little suggestive like this. It was like someone possessed the Chishiya you knew or like you two switched lives in this world. It was really weird. It's even weirder when he's not that good at it.
"Just get to it."
"Okay. Okay." Chishiya chuckles, "Do you still have the note I gave you?"
You think to yourself, recalling any sort of note.
[1] "What's this? A sorry note?" You ask, not daring yourself to take a peek. You only looked at him, not even slightly curious about what he just wrote.
Your eyes looked back to meet his, "Yeah. I still do." You say and look at your bed table to open the drawer and pull out, the note with the weird doodle - and ignore Chishiya's attempt of saying sorry and that he cares about you.
Chishiya takes a look at the note, then back at you to see if you have any other reaction to his little sorry note but you had no other reaction when you continue to stare at him and expect him to explain some things.
A part of him wishes you felt the personality of that note. But who really knows what you're feeling - he can tell you've been avoiding them behind that stoic face. You built a shield with that mask but everyone knows that shields are meant to be taken down.
"I think I know what that could mean." He points out and you raise a brow, suspicious of him but you still want to hear him out. "I'm not lying. If you think so, I will be with you when we arrive."
"But that -" He points at the paper then you give it to him, only for him to look at the doodle, "I think whatever the woman drew here is a place where other people are, like the beach, there are people staying in this place. Don't you think it looks familiar?"
His eyes traced back to his little note and the way to the beach. It made him smile to acknowledge that even though when you claimed to hate him, you still kept his little note.
╔ ╗
I like you. You don't know how much I do. ♥︎
╚ ╝
This had to mean something right? - He still meant something to you, he just knows it.
"Perhaps citizens?" Your question and he shrugs.
"Might be but that paper can be another step to getting the answer. You want to go back don't you?" He asks, inching himself closer to you. You look at your knees.
"I... don't really know." You mumble, truthful to your words.
Chishiya raises a brow and drops the paper, his body now fully looking toward you. "Hm? Interesting. Why are you double guessing?"
You shake your head, not answering. You didn't want him to know anything as you knew he might turn that against you to get you to do whatever he wants. He has always been doing that since.
"She's hurting you, isn't she? You should fight back." Little Chishiya encourages.
"But if my parents know about this, I will not have lunch."
"They won't know about it. I will give you lunch and my parents will handle everything."
"What can I do?"
"Fight her."
"You know, last night..." Chishiya looks off away from you, "You said you came back to Tokyo to help me." He said, "I don't know if you remember it... but I thought you might need to hear it." He shrugs.
You snap your head over to him, not saying another thing as you have nothing else to defend yourself with.
"I mean, it made sense why you're suddenly back in Tokyo, right?" He chuckles, and even though he did show an action that showed he was mocking you, he somehow felt heavy. "Why would you help me if you think that your life is just useless?"
"It's been like that since we were six, Chishiya. And until now, I don't know... maybe it's just me, but now, all I really want is for Arisu and Usagi to get out of this world. They don't deserve to live like this."
"And you do?"
"If I go back, it will all be the same? I go back to therapy, do some farming, and then therapy, then farming, then therapy... then farming..."
"You still got those strawberries?" He asks with a smile that didn't show happiness but rather a nostalgic expression. You returned that too but your smile was much smaller.
"Yeah. I started planting grapes, some mangos, and some vegetables - there are varieties of them. I was actually running a fruit shop before the Borderlands." You smile at him, not recognizing the same eyes you used to look at him with.
He smiles with you, feeling somewhat emotional yet he couldn't describe what it is, though he feels that what got him emotional was the same expression on your eyes. You barely looked at him in for more than 3 seconds and now it's more than 3 seconds, and he feels quite heavy on the chest - perhaps bothered but not in a bad way.
"Then I'll go buy your entire stock." He jokes, more to himself but you chuckle with him.
"Yeah... sure." You giggle quietly to yourself, looking away from the man. You nibble on your bottom lip before deciding to open your mouth to ask a question you've wanted to ask him before you two were separated.
"Do you think you deserve to live here?"
Chishiya raises a brow, among all the times you two spent time together - despite it being really short, you haven't made the effort of questioning him such a deep question as you usually do before.
"How are you always so confident, Taro-Kun? You always look so cool, waaah~" You say, astonished as you lean your cheeks on his shoulders but Shuntaro flicks your forehead. Tusking to himself.
"It's not self-confidence... I don't think it is. If it was, then I would've felt proud."
"Eh? Why not? - How can you not?"
Shuntaro shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know. I just don't feel it."
"... Y/N. You know I never grasped the concept of life. My confession is... that I'm simply not interested in it."
[2] "Remorse. Love. Hell, you're fucking pathetic."
From those words he had painfully heard from your chapped lips the previous night, Chishiya couldn't help but force himself to agree. It's just the plain truth.
You continue to stare at your knees, and until another silence emits between the two of you, you finally feel your pinkie being held by Chishiya, "Then why did you continue being my friend when you knew you didn't need me at all?"
[2] "W-We both are just empty shells of human beings, just a display, don't you agree?"
"... Because you knew me raw. I wanted to get a little bit of your purpose - but I can't help but be greedy. You belittled me, Y/N - and I can't deny that I fell attached to it when at first, I felt like I was pity on. I envied you. You don't know how small and vulnerable I am when I am with you. It almost felt like you were holding a leash on me. I hated it."
[2] "So how are we different at all?"
Heaving a sigh, Chishiya looks down at your intertwined pinkies and held your pinkie tighter, "I hated you for grasping the concept of life, it's like you left me alone in a dark place - but I soon came to learn that I am your concept of life. You breathe for me. I'm just so pathetic, aren't I?"
"I-I killed her! I killed her! I... Shuntaro! I fucking killed her!"
He frowns, pulling you to keep your face that was drenched with tears hidden in his shoulders, he feels the wet tears dropping on his shirt, "Shh... you've done such a great job... You protected me. It's all to protect me."
[2] "You took a lot from me."
"It's only time for me to return the favor. So to answer your question, I do deserve to live as long as you do. Don't you think we deserve each other?"
Another silence came in but it wasn't awkward this time. Chishiya looks at the alarm clock, 'not much time before the game starts.'
So he speaks out, wanting to get the most out of the time he only has. He still didn't let go of your pinkie, "I uhm... there's a safe somewhere, I don't know where it is, I don't know the code but I know there's a safe. It must be where the deck of cards is. Hatter once said that it's hidden."
"How on earth did you know there's a code?" You ask, scoffing after as if you were not believing him and he was just bluffing. You take your pinkie away from his.
"Well, when you hide something very important like money, where would you hide it? In a safe no?" He questions as if he was questioning your question (very confusing, I know). He deadpans, looking straight into your eyes.
"With the cards, maybe we can escape. I don't know how but we can believe in an escape and that belief belongs to those deck of cards."
"And how do you think we can get the code?"
"This doesn't happen often - it never happened at all, but we will have these meetings - sort of like rituals really - that we host as executives when we have a new number one. The number one now is Hatter, but if he's gone, the next will be the number two who will open a black envelope - and there, is the code."
"Are you implying that Arisu or Usagi should kill Hatter?"
Chishiya laughs, finding your idea funny but quite creative. "No. We have to be patient. But your idea is a good one too, why not go along with that?"
"No! I will not risk that! You're gonna use them as bait!"
"We can't really tell until the plan is ongoing, okay sweetie? But I can't deny that I really need help." He exhales through his nose, a little offended that you'd go straight through that idea but can he really blame you? He's done the same thing for almost a decade.
"- When that time comes up. I will know the code then I will tell your friends exactly what I know. You want them to go back, you want everyone to be safe, don't you?"
You remain silent, crossing your eyebrows together. He frowns and pokes your cheek to gain your attention. "You do, right?"
"Y/N L/N! Are you out of your mind?! How can you even do that?!"
"B-But m-ma! She was gonna hurt Taro-Kun if I don't do it. H-He needs to be safe! If I wasn't there, who knows what she would've done to him! Maybe rape him!"
"You almost killed her! And now she's in the hospital because of you! You gave her a concussion! I never raised you this way, you're not my daughter at all!"
"Maybe I'm not! You never raised me at all! You were never present! Maybe that's why I turned out this way?!" You yelled yet that anger had to seethe down when your own mother pulled your hair and slapped you before motioning to her partially deaf husband for something sharp.
"M-Ma?!" You cry, trying to pry your hair away from your mother's grasp. And though your father wishes to not see and cooperate at all, he will never disobey his own wife.
Screams came out of your mouth, gurgling out of your throat loudly as the sharp metallic object of a knife made its way to your arm, cutting it open.
"It doesn't feel good to be hurt, right?"
"What I did - I was only trying to protect Taro!" You defended yourself, crying harder as you look down at your open-cut arm.
"Get out of my house then if you want to protect him so much and let's see if you're accepted then."
But when you make a 'visit' to the Chishiya family's home, Shuntaro only smiles, looking at your open-cut arm that he's about to tend to. "What you did was good - you tried to protect me. Thank you."
"I fucking hate you so much."
He frowns. From how you were looking at him with so much intensity - he didn't know if it was anger, contempt, or disgust, perhaps all but he didn't like seeing that in your eyes. He bit his bottom lip, somehow feeling at fault for those fiery eyes.
"I-I'm sorry... I know I'm late to apologize, but I don't know what else to say, I only have a lot to offer if you do not accept my words..." He mumbles - as if he can't do anything else but apologize but you continue to stare at him. You sigh, blinking your teary eyes back to dry. 'The memories are coming back.' You make a note to yourself and look back under your pillow to look for your pills.
You blink, frowning at him. "I want everyone safe, Chishiya. Not only you. And you know that, don't use it against me because you know I will be your most dangerous pawn." You say out loud, kicking his ego back which he had to hear. You knew what he was trying to do - and that was to twist your opinion of his plan.
He knew you have no other choice than to accept this if you want to make another step forward in escaping the Borderland with your friends. But you already knew yourself just as much Chishiya does. He wouldn't get under your skin again - he can't threaten other people's lives on you again.
"Everybody isn't selfish as you think, some of them do it for love or out of nothing at all. It's sad that you took advantage of that." You murmur then look at him where he gets a clear look at your glossy eyes.
"And if going with your plan is the only available thing right now, then I guess I have to stop being stubborn. So yes, I do care about everyone's safety but just so you know, you can't use that against me anymore."
Chishiya hums, taking a piece of your gloomy feeling, and leans towards you to side-hug you. He puts his forehead on your shoulder, somehow sentimental.
"I know I fucked up."
"Obviously. You're trying to do it again." you roll your eyes, scoffing at his realization.
"Five years ago... when you left, it couldn't have been worse. I thought then that you wanted me, you wanted to be with me, and that you wanted to be my wife because you don't like being lonely."
He then chuckles, only snuggling closer to the weak spot of your neck, rubbing the tip of his nose on the nape of your neck. "I never realized how much I despise the idea of being lonely too when you left."
"I just..." He mumbles and you go off looking at him, anticipating his next words. "I'm selfish, Y/N. But of all of those things I said, all I want is to take another chance - Is that too greedy for me to ask?"
He gulps, his lips somehow feeling dry and chapped.
"I really need you back. And I don't want to share this selfishness with anybody." He breathes in and out, now hesitant with his eyes glossy like how you saw with Niragi.
And just in the next second, you suddenly feel your waist being held on so tight while Chishiya continues to stare into your eyes as if trying to dig deeper communication within your wide eyes that searches for anything else in his glossy ones.
"I envied you so much at first. We went through the same past but you still chose to be kind, it doesn't make sense, so it was easy for me to... try and explore why you're still like this. Is that selfish?"
"I always asked myself if you were tired, if you were stupid, or if you were trying to get something from me because your family did. But now I don't know. You always make me feel stupid." He sighs and pulls himself away to look at you, chuckling at your bewildered reaction - it's like something took Chishiya's true personality over.
From his eyes, you can kin to his heaviness... he wasn't usually the type to show it but you can sense that he's overwhelmed with the concept of being human. Emotions. Feelings. Purpose. You can see those three just flash so quickly in his eyes.
It astonishes you to see a sociopath's eyes say so many meanings in one blink before it all vanishes to the usual blank stare.
"But I just want you. And I have no other reason for it." He finally confesses, getting what he has been trying to answer for so long out of his chest.
You bite your bottom lip and blink to look away from him. You felt connected at the moment he said those words and it was dangerous if you held onto that. You shake your head.
"That's not gonna work anymore." You mutter, somehow feeling like you're lying to yourself
"I know but this time, I'm saying this because I want you to know that I mean it. Can't you see?"
Chishiya turns his head to glance at the alarm clock and frowns. '30 minutes left...' He thinks to himself and pulls you to his body, catching you off guard. He wraps his arms around you tight, nose sniffing your scent of last night, closing his eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I, too, do not know the extent of my fondness for you..." He mumbles under your skin.
"Chishiya! Sorry to barge in your room but I have been knocking for the past 15 minutes and the game is about to start - Oh my god, you two need privacy!" Kuina claims and looks around, turning her back around to place two plates on the desk.
She would've covered her peripheral view but both of her hands are occupied by the plates Chishiya ordered her to take - for both you and him - a while ago, so she had to knock on the door with her feet.
"Now, I'm going back out and you two can do anything you want but please remember, we only have thirty minutes left!" She panics, skipping her way out of the room, with her hands over her face. It made you smile and that smile made Chishiya chuckle.
You laugh, "People like her make me wish I can be like them... They're so charming and beautiful." You mumble to yourself. Chishiya turns his head over to you.
If he weren't a man who struggles to fight against his own mind, he would easily mistake your words as a mere compliment towards his friend, Kuina. But knowing you two are still stuck in the same dark place, your words are far from the norm.
Charming and Beautiful. 'Is that what you really think about these people?' Chishiya thinks to himself, almost tilting his head when he continues to stare at you.
"Who said you weren't? You were just too... nice to see it that way." He smiles but one corner seemed to falter a bit as if he was still feeling quite heavy. You take notice of his half smile "- Come on, let's eat. We don't have much time before the game starts."
『
YOU'RE INSEPARABLE
』
CHAPTER 02//THE BEACH COMPLETE
Yes & No - two personalities that always think of the opposites from what the other is thinking.
EDITING PHASE II COMPLETE
꧁CREDIT REMINDERS꧂
[1] Episode 5: REALITIES - "What's this? A sorry note?"
[2] Episode 19: DROWSY - "Remorse. Love. Hell, you're fucking pathetic."
[2] Episode 19: DROWSY - "W-We both are just empty shells of human beings, just a display, don't you agree?"
[2] Episode 19: DROWSY - "So how are we different at all?!"
[2] Episode 19: DROWSY - "W-We both are just empty shells of human beings, just a display, don't you agree?"
[2] Episode 19: DROWSY - " - You took a lot from me."