For the next three days, it became a new routine to go at night, or in free time during the day, to go with Neteyam to the shack in the small mangrove forest. He would come to the infirmary when my shift was done or I'd come to his marui. Then we would talk a little while we followed the route until we got to the point. Interestingly, we didn't exchange more than a couple of words when we were actually alone. Neteyam took his job as a teacher quite seriously, and so did I.
"Your arm is too low, it has to be like this," he said and moved my arm slightly upward, "so the arrow has more strength to impact."
I shot the arrow at the makeshift target, which was a ball of red seaweed hanging from a tree branch. I nearly hit the edge of it but ended up missing it at the very last second. The arrow stuck to the stem of the tree, dangling from side to side until it stopped.
"You're getting better, but I can't say I'm surprised. It's in your bones, after all. I'm a proud teacher," Neteyam complimented and drew back the arrow.
"So am I, really. You have a good arm to control the spear. There are fewer things to review about that than about the sign language."
I gave him back his bow and he tossed it into the hut.
"At least I'm getting somewhere thanks to you," he smiled, his ears perking up and then pointing back. It was a nice view.
I chuckled. "If you don't mind me, I haven't slept in three days and I think it's been enough activity for now."
"Oh, one more, rutxe."
His eyebrows were raised and he had a small, evil smile plastered on his face. His eyes were shinier than on other occasions, due to the light of the moon reflecting on them. The bioluminescent plants made Neteyam's skin glow. I couldn't resist his childish attempts.
"Fine. Let's do knife combat," I said, knowing fully well he didn't quite fancy that. Maybe he'd end up saying no.
"Sure," he answered instead.
Just like the day before, we both grabbed our knives, handcrafted from the materials of the forest. A hunter usually only carried one knife, so we had to borrow one each to make it more entertaining.
I attacked first, drawing the knife I was holding with my right hand towards his right arm, missing his head. He blocked my strike with one of his knives and used the other to trap my knife in between his. One knife out for me and he still had both of them. The fight continued for as long as it possibly could, both of us taking chances to switch from attack to defense and vice versa.
Neteyam and I were already panting from the effort; controlling the weapons was harder than it looked, particularly because it involved avoiding being cut. We also used our bodies as resources, giving out kicks and nudges.
The amount of harsh and quick physical contact got our limbs entangled in a... weird position. We both tripped and fell to the ground, me on top of Neteyam. His right leg wrapped around my hip while my left leg was only bent, and rested on the floor. My right one was curled around his, as well as my right arm was above his, trapping it. The number of lefts and rights from our bodies that were touching skin-to-skin was confusing. At last, I had my last knife to his throat.
"I think I win," I whispered, looking right into his pale, sage-yellow eyes.
"I don't think you did," he said and pressed the tip of his knife on my belly.
I swallowed audibly and Neteyam mimicked. Our chests gently rubbed against each other when breathing. I licked my lips and looked up. We stared at each other for a while, our breaths mixing from the closeness. There wasn't anything on my mind, just the image of his eyes staring into my soul. If only I could capture that moment forever and not only in my memory, unable to show others how pretty he looked, and risking that any words I used as an approximation would be a dull description of reality. I wouldn't want that moment to depend from the memory of someone who would grow old and eventually forget. But it was better than nothing.
"It's a draw, then." I let go of his legs and arm, pushing my way up to stand.
He sat on the floor, his gaze disoriented, and took my hand when I offered to pick him up.
"Repeat tomorrow?" He asked, grabbing his bow and arrows from the shack.
"Actually, tomorrow I have to go with the others to hunt, and I need a good night's sleep to be on my five senses. Got to catch something big, ain't I right?" I said. My voice wasn't as loud as usual, mostly because I felt it wasn't the answer he expected. Unfortunately for Neteyam, I didn't have all day to be with him. I had a sister, two jobs, and friends to take care of.
"Tam, sìltsan. I'll see you around."
"See you, warrior boy."
I left the mangrove forest and stepped into the beach. There were two things I had on my to-do list, and the sun was already out to do them. The first one was with Jake. He and I hadn't spoken much, the occasion didn't seem to come and it was likely he wasn't looking forward to it. But we had arranged many days ago to practice the Sky People's guns today. If he even remembered.
I dragged my feet to the Sullys' mauri. I heard Neteyam's footsteps behind me fading away towards the common room for breakfast. If Jake and I skipped it we would have enough privacy to avoid glares from the clan. Since the first arrival of the Sky People, Tonowari and Ronal had made a prayer and a pact to forever forbid and be against the metal weapons. With no war or conflict, it had been easy to comply. But it wasn't safe anymore, with the so-called Avatars and humans slaughtering tulkuns and other living creatures Eywa would now hold in her arms, proving unconditional love, safety, and no pain at all.
Their conduct was unbelievably destructive and cruel to an extent that every new boundary everyone thought they would respect they'd break and go even further. In all those years, my mind couldn't possibly imagine the world they must've come from. How could their kind have lived without the nature we have? Only an image formed in my head: a sphere, pitch black, with soulless bodies barely keeping themselves together. I wouldn't, couldn't, let them do that to Pandora. And if learning from Jake how to attack the fire with fire was what it took, then there was nothing else to think about.
My feet finally came to a halt in front of the mauri. Jake was sitting outside of it, his head pointing at the floor. When he saw me, or rather my feet, in his range of view, his head instantly lifted.
"Kaltxì," he said, standing up from his seat.
"Hello, Jake."
"I didn't think you'd come."
"I didn't think you'd want to see me," I responded, "Yet, at least."
He nodded, knowing what I meant. He used his head to point at the gray box laying open in his mauri. There was one weapon bigger than the other two, which were exact copies. I assumed I'd start with the smaller of the lot, and then go to the bigger one once I get it mastered. I was right.
"These two here are Z-33 pistols, also called heavy handguns. They are to be used on a much closer distance than," he showed me the other machine, black with cream colors and considerably longer, "This assault rifle. You have to be at least three hundred meters away from the target. It grants precision and a great ammo impact." He grabbed one of the so-called handguns and showed it to me from close up. He started pointing at every part of the gun as he spoke. "This gun uses a 0.40 caliber hollow-point ammunition. You will know what that is later, but it means that the bullets —these pointy, metal pieces— will break into shards on impact. Their goal is to cause maximum damage, including lacerations and hemorrhages. As a healer, you probably know what that means."
His following explanations were less detailed, trying to use words that I could understand. Jake then showed me how to 'reload', as he said, the handgun. It wasn't hard when doing it slowly, but when the pace quickened I couldn't help but mess it up. He said I was only learning, and mistakes were allowed in the very first lesson.
Jake ranted as a child would about its first kill. He had a tiny smile perking his lips up.
After he was done with the technical part of the machine, he took me to some place further away from the village, where everyone was happily eating breakfast. The thought of a well-cooked fish made my insides growl with hunger. When I turned to look at what he had been previously moving, I was amazed. It was a couple of sacks filled with sand, tied together with a vine to make them close to a smaller version of a Sky Person. It was perfect.
"This gun is designed to be used with one hand. We'll try that first. You only have to aim at the seashell on top of the sack and pull the trigger. Okay?"
"Srane."
I had hoped that human weapons would be easy to master. They weren't as difficult as a bow and arrow, where your entire posture, breathing, and fingers play a part, but they still had their tricks. The first shot I gave shook my hand with force. Three bullets rocketed into the sacks of sand and made big holes in them. The sand started pouring like blood. The seashell was still intact, two inches above the holes.
"It was good. I'll make sure it gets better. You might save someone's life with this." Jake's voice was still somewhat shy and uncomfortable.
We only got half an hour more before the cheerful sound of voices came closer to our position. We both bid our goodbyes and followed different paths.
The fact that I had to keep this defense practice secret weighed on my heart. I had had enough of lying for years. And, like always, every train of thought I had eventually come to revolve around him. Neteyam. My feelings for him were nothing else but confusing. Whenever we would share a look or a touch, rather be from the distance of an island or so close that our breaths mixed, it didn't matter. He always managed to make me laugh, to redden or feel at ease when a smile crept from his lips. Every moment with him felt intimate like we were in our own bubble free of every worrying thing from the outside. No parents, no Sky people, no mating ceremonies.
I could not, for the sake of the burst of energy it gave me, stop thinking about Neteyam. To my dislike, I was forced to come back to reality as I entered the infirmary and Nueiy was waiting there with a tray of food.
"Hi. How are you? I didn't see you at breakfast so I thought I'd bring you something. It's fresh fish, fried as you like it. I also put the spicy spices on top." She smiled and handed me the wooden bowl. Inside was a layer of leaves and the fish as she had said.
"I'm fine, you didn't have to. I was going to wait until the midday meal. But, Eywa blesses you, you are my hero." I started munching on the food, not caring about my looks.
"It was nothing. I'm like your big sister, I'll always do my best to care for you."
I smiled and finished the fish. It had been better than usual. Maybe Neytiri had been the cook this time, or just my starving self.
I finally came to notice that her shift for today had been over ever since I entered the hut, but she was still there, with me. My heart swallowed and the time passed fast with her company. Three people had come in in the span of a few hours. Two women went for their pregnancy follow-up, both of their bumps showing more than the time before. Nureiy took care of the eldest, while I treated the young Metkayina. She was Treya, a year older than Atswon. Her mating ceremony had happened two years before and now her child was on her way. I wondered what it must've felt to find out that there was a living organism inside you. One of Eywa's seeds planted in your womb, a mix of yours and your mate. To know that they'd grow up under your guidance and that you can get that opportunity to be different than your parents. To be good.
Her body filled with overjoy when I touched her belly with my hand, looking for signs of the baby's health. A small kick met my hand. She laughed and left shortly after.
Once the next healer was on shift, I walked my way to where Lo'ak was, not too far away.
"Kaltxì, Lo'ak. Where are you going?"
He turned to face me with a small grin. "Oh, hey. Did you forget? We are supposed to meet at that rocky place on the beach. Tsireya wanted us to gather and talk about the time you and I got lost."
I paled. "Did you tell her about Payakan? That I know him?"
Lo'ak frowned slightly and shook his head. "No, not yet. Why?" After asking the question he waited for my answer, which came only after moments of silence.
I began talking. "Payakan is a Tulkun. His species to us are considered family, brothers, and sisters. He... is an outcast. People from the clan fear him. Trust me, it is not a good idea to tell them. Just, try to skip that part of the story."
His half-opened eyes, characteristic of him, looked down to the floor, processing my words. "Trust me. Only my siblings, Tsireya and Aonung will be there. They won't bail on me. On us."
I sighed and closed my eyes, my lips tightened and I swallowed. "Fine. You tell the story, I won't talk."
He nodded and offered, out of the blue, to carry me to the meeting place. He didn't give me time to do anything before he pulled me by the legs and onto his shoulder. It must have been the effect Neteyam had on him to carry people that way.
"Hey! Put me down!" I yelled only to be ignored.
Lo'ak continued chuckling at my mere attempts to hit him on the back. Not even pulling his tail helped. The floor on our —or rather say his— feet changed from the mauri type of net to sand.
I had given up on the kicking when he suddenly dropped me. My butt and my feet sank onto the shore. "Finally! And never do that again, you hear me? I'll cut your tail and use it as chewing gum for my ilu!"
A couple of laughs were heard. Next to me sat the Sully kids and Tsireya. Aonung was standing in a rare pose, his right leg on top of a big rock. I took my moment to realize it was the same place Neytiri and I had weaved new clothing. The memory made me smile, thinking of the great mother figure she became to me, as well as from seeing our hard work used by Kiri and Tuk.
"We've been waiting for ages for you to come!" Tuk said in her childish voice.
"Will you tell us what happened or are you just gonna stand there?" Aonung intervened. He was still as annoying as before.
Tsireya shushed him and gave Lo'ak a kind smile. He mimicked, doing more of a sly grin, and sat down next to her. I made my way to Neteyam out of instinct. He tilted his head.
"Oh, wow, it's like I haven't seen you in ages," he said with a wink.
"Oh, sure. You have changed quite a lot since our last encounter. You're less funny, shorter... you're growing old, warrior boy. Soon you'll have a head of gray hairs." I chuckled and poked his arm.
"Then so will you, because you'll age with me."
His words lost the sense of funny, his eyes looking straight through mine into my soul. He did so with so much certainty my heartbeat raced. There was only one thing I could do to make sure he'd felt that, too. If his face was filled with disappointment, as mine would've been if I was in his place, then I'd be sure.
I hummed. "Right, I think your acting is too good. I almost believed it."
There it was. He blinked and stared at me blankly. The previous connection had faded away. He nodded lazily and turned his head to Lo'ak, who had begun to speak.
All I could think was 'he likes me'.
".... Then, when I realized the guys had left, this huge animal was heading my way. It had two big fins on the sides and a vertical one on its tail. It had this mouth that opened in three directions, really weird, and tried to eat me. By that time I was running out of air and was about to faint when this Tulkun killed the thing in less than thirty seconds! My bro, Payakan, saved my life" Lo'ak had moved his hands to put an image to his words. He then turned to me, but still talked to the others. "She found me on Payakan's back and told him to get us back to the village. It was, hands down, the best night from that week."
He hadn't noticed Tiserya and Aonung's quietness. Their eyes were wide open and their mouths parted. I'd seen this coming.
"He could have killed you!" Tsireya yelled immediately.
"Payakan's a killer of Na'vi and other Tulkun. Only you would be crazy enough to get close to him." Aonung hadn't worried much.
Tsireya said my name, "You are lucky to be alive! You know that. Why didn't you tell us before? We waited four days to hear about you almost dying and now you're not saying anything?" She turned to Lo'ak and continued talking.
They wouldn't understand.
"You guys aren't listening!" Lo'ak stood up and shook his head. "Payakan saved my life." Tsireya grabbed his hand and caressed it, calming him down. He looked at me. "Tell them." His voice had been a whisper loud enough for me to hear.
I stared back, my eyes saying what my mouth could not. 'I told you'. He and the others eyed me as I got up from my place and started walking towards the ilu dock. I was more than halfway there when a hand held mine. Neteyam turned me around.
"What happened?" He asked, out of breath. "You can tell me. I'll believe you."
I shook my head countless times, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "It's too painful to watch a friend of mine defending Payakan when I've met him for years now and haven't been able to do anything. They just don't understand. He's lonely, physically and emotionally wounded, and there is nothing that can be done. By the Tulkun way, he is a killer. No one but other outcasts, like Lo'ak and me, have given him a chance."
A flow of tears ran down my face when Neteyam pulled me in for a hug. My cheek lay on the crook of his neck while he put an arm around mine, covering my whimpering with it. I wasn't one to cry, and I only ever did it when the pain was unbearable, but my brother Tulkun was a special case. It was frustration more than anything else. It was almost anger.
Neteyam brushed some messy strands of hair from my face, his fingers brushing my skin with delicacy. "How do you know him?"
"I- well...," I began, clearing my throat, "When I was a child I'd only been to the Cove of Ancestors with other people to guide my way, and that place is so magical I wanted to be there day and night. People were busy and couldn't take me there whenever I wanted to, so one day I went by myself. The sun was strong and I couldn't see very well. I got lost and swam for hours without finding anything. My limbs got tired and I drowned. Payakan was there just in time to save me. We've been friends since then."
He nodded silently and continued massaging my hair with his fingers. "What is the Cove of Ancestors?"
"It is the oceanic version of the Utral Aymokriyä. I'll take you soon to visit. I know the way now."
———
Author's note:
Good night, people! I couldn't post yesterday, but tonight I bring you the second-longest chapter of the book (so far). I'm excited about this one, here are two: one, there is quite some tension at the beginning, if you know what type I mean, that I like where it's taking us; two, it pains me to see Lo'ak so disappointed!
Anyways, enjoy! Today was my first day of school the year and I'm half dead.
Happy Monday, cheers.