"you guys look like you just saw a ghost," mike chuckled, but the joke fell flat when he realized this wasn't a time to try and lighten the mood.
"what happened?" eddie asked, glancing over at richie, who was half-covering his face.
"richie.. can't lie," ben told the two.
"well, why so gloomy? isn't this supposed to be a funny, good thing?" eddie asked, walking up to the three already there.
"i guess.. it's just turning out to be much more awry than we thought," beverly spoke, looking at the miserable boy on the hammock.
"oh? so what- is he like- depressed or something?" eddie asked, but no body laughed. they all just looked at richie.
"are you, richie? are you- depressed?" stanley asked hesitantly, not believing so.
richie was too happy to show any signs of depression. he was always smiling, always joking around, always making everyone, proudly, feel uncomfortable whenever he got the chance. not.. sad.
"maybe a little bit- or like a lotta bit, but what do i fucking know?" richie looked at everyone, trying to shut his mouth. "fuck."
"what?" eddie mumbled. mike put a hand on the brunette's shoulder.
"might as well strangle myself to keep from speaking ever again, i know you all agree," richie mumbled too low to be heard.
"wh-what?" bill asked.
richie groaned again, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. "fuck this! this has GOT to be the official worst day of my life!"
"worst day?" stanley asked hesitantly.
"yeah. fucking worst. plus, i can't lie to you anyway," richie said grumpily.
"how is it the worst day?!" stanley asked defensively.
"well, i don't know, stanley! this is literally my biggest fucking fear. i don't want you guys to find... out.. stuff i'm.. hiding," richie said, struggling out words to replace instead of outting himself.
"hiding..?" eddie asked innocently. richie made eye contact with the boy, looking down in shame. he didn't mean to make the shorter boy upset. it's his fault. all your fault.
he felt like crying. he sat up again and curled into himself, his knees pulled up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them. he rested his chin on his knees and sighed.
"do we have tape?" richie asked.
"richie," beverly said.
"what?!" richie snapped.
"i- y-you know you can talk to us, right..? you can tell us anything," she tried to comfort.
"you wouldn't understand," richie mumbled.
"what do you even have to hide from us?" mike asked richie.
"you really think i would tell you all if i'm clearly trying to hide it?" richie asked, scanning his audience. he sighed. "a lot, mike. like-" richie started. he tried to cover his mouth, but his hand wasn't exactly cooperating. "the whole reason i'm so pressed about this is just me snapping under the mistreatment of my parents, maybe it's my ADHD, maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's the fact that i'm-" richie rambled once again, slapping himself in the face twice and trying to stop himself from speaking further. he bit hard down on his tongue.
bill grabbed richie's hands and looked at him with sympathy. "d-don't do that to yourself."
'it's the only way to stop myself,' richie thought.
"what.. what do you mean.. mistreatment?" beverly asked quietly.
"and.. why didn't you tell us about your ADHD? and your anxiety? rich, you really need to start talking to us, because we're he-" eddie began to ramble.
"stop," richie mumbled. everything went silent and richie took a deep breath. "i should go."
richie stood from the hammock and began to walk to the ladder before being pulled back by eddie. he grabbed the boy's wrist and yanked him back.
"no. you're not gonna run away from your problems. we can help you," eddie tried.
"leave it.. a-alone-.. eddie," richie said, trying to prevent something bad from exiting his mouth once again.
"quit trying to ignore us," eddie said stubbornly, refusing to let go. richie felt tears prick the back of his eyes. he knew this was a bad idea. this was a pain in the ass.
"i'm not ignoring you, i'm simply trying to run away from my past and problems once again!" richie yelled, shoving eddie's hand off of him and storming to the ladder. "i'm leaving. don't try to come, i don't want your fucking pity."
once the hatch door was closed, the losers sighed and sat in silent shame. beverly swallowed a took a deep breath, turning to the rest.
"should we..? follow? or maybe.. one of us?" she asked.
"he said not to, and he can't lie. i guess he just really doesn't want us to be sorry for him?" stanley sighed.
"i don't think that's it," mike spoke up.
"oh? elaborate, p-please," bill said, walking over to the group.
"i think he might feel like a burden to open up to us.. i don't know. you notice how he's going through something, and yet he's tried to act fine his entire life, which we've bought into?" mike explained.
"yeah.. i guess," ben said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"aww, now i feel bad for not noticing before," beverly mumbled.
"yeah," mike said under his breath. "i personally want to know what's going on, and i don't know if this curse is going to last forever."
"yeah," eddie sighed.
"who's gonna be the one to follow him?" beverly asked. the losers exchanged looks and all at once sprinted over to the ladder, tackling each other to climb up.
"guys!" bill yelled over the crowd of screaming and fighting people. they all stopped and looked at him. "cut that out! let's just find him. all together."
"he just said he didn't want us to follow. truthfully. i bet he'd appreciate one or two over the whole group," eddie pointed out.
"yeah? well at this point, even if he is telling the truth, he's not speaking up about his needs. and right now, we're six of them. we're losers. losers stick together," bill emanated to the group of six.
"bill's right," stanley said, climbing down and looking at beverly, who was at the top. "bev, go, then eddie, ben, mike, and bill and i are right behind you all."
the losers climbed up as instructed and got to high ground in the grass, each waiting on the next loser to be standing with them.
richie trudged through the woods dejectedly, exhausted and sick of today. he wiped the tears from his face and approached a large tree. with all of the anger built up inside of him from his ten minute walk, he screamed and slammed his fist into the tree.
and although his whole arm throbbed, he'd done it again. and again. and again. again and again until both of his arms felt like snapping right off of his body. he kicked at the tree, tore the beaten bark from it, beat the tree with the arms and sticks he pulled from it, and finally, slammed his back against it.
richie slid down the tree, sobbing into his hands as he hit the floor. the boy curled into himself, letting his forehead hit his knees.
"god, i wish this fucking day never happened! i don't want them to know i'm gay, i don't want them to know my parents are abusive assholes, i dont want them them to know i like eddie, or that all of these jokes are just fucking coverups! this is so stupid!" richie sobbed, slamming his fists into the ground and waving his hands everywhere as he talked to himself.
he removed his glasses and sat there, knees pulled to his chest with his head tipped back against the tree and his hands by his side. his back against the tree as well, his shoulders shaking as every sob passed through his body.
after a good fifteen minutes of just flat out sobbing, he heard rustling in the bushes to his right.