Chapter 15
Oh no.
My heart dropped into my stomach as I got into my mom's van and I sat down in the passenger's seat, the huge lump in my back pocket reminding me that i had forgotten to hide the iPhone.
Every day before I got in the car I had to remember to tuck it away somewhere deep in my backpack, but today, I must have have been so distracted by my run-in with Casey that I had forgotten to take it out of my pocket.
God, why did I have to pick today to wear my tightest jeans? Once I got up and out of the car, the bulge was going to be impossible to miss.
Dread inundated me for the rest of the ride home. All I could do was sneak carefully out of the car and hope to god she wouldn't notice anything...
My heart began to pound as we pulled into the driveway and my mom put the car in park. She hadn't said a single word to me the whole time, so I hoped that meant she wasn't paying much attention to me.
But, alas, I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Did I honestly expect to have anything more than horrible luck these days?
I could feel my mom's eyes boring into me as I opened the door and stood up. I tried to turn around as quickly as possible so that my back wasn't to her anymore, but the look on her face told me she had already noticed.
"Raiden," she quietly but sinisterly. "What's in your pocket?"
"Nothing," I murmered, looking down as I slung my backpack over my shoulder and started to head inside, holding my breath, praying she would drop it at that. But noooo.
"Stop right there." She stepped out of the car and I froze, whimpering quietly. Here it comes...
She came up behind me and pulled the phone out of my pocket. I looked down at my feel quietly, bracing myself.
"What the hell is this?" my mother exclaimed, infuriated.
"What does it look like?" I replied sarcastically, instantly regretting it.
She threw it down on the concrete, shattering the screen. My jaw dropped and I stood there speechlessly.
"Broken." She said as she kicked the mangled lump across the ground.
My mom stormed into the house, throwing the door closed behind her. I approached the phone lying pathetically on the ground in a pool of dried gasoline and groaned, absolutely distraught.
What was I going to tell Michael? Didn't my mother have any respect for other people's property? I picked up the phone gingerly and examined it. The screen was cracked in a dozen places and it wouldn't turn back on. I groaned quietly and stuck it in my pocket as I went inside, feeling terrible and stressing over how I was going to break the news to Michael.
I spent the afternoon in my room on my bed, sobbing into my pillow. How was i suppposed to dig myself out of the mess I'd gotten myself into? My whole world seemed to be falling apart. I felt as if I was watching everything in my life crumble around me, and I was powerless to stop it.
At least I have Sam, I thought. Maybe, just maybe, I could get through all this since I knew she was behind me. Maybe, if I knew I had her, this would all be worth it in the end.
*********
"Mom?" I knocked softly on her bedroom door, bracing myself for what I expected to be an irritated response.
"What?" she answered shortly, venom coating her voice.
"Umm..." I cleared my throat, scared to request what I was about to, but aware that if I stalled she would only get angrier.
"Would it be all right if I called Robby?"
Robby was my older brother. He lived in Colorado so we didn't get to see much of each other, but we were still very close. He was always the first person I wanted to talk to when I was going through something like this. I also thought I might be able to sneak a call to Sam if i got a few minutes of privacy. I was almost afraid to even think this, though, worried my mother could somehow read my thoughts.
She opened the door and looked down at me skeptically. I tried to put as much sincerity and innocence into my gaze as i possibly could.
"You better not be lying to me, Raiden." she warned me in a tone bleeding threats. I gulped.
"I'm not," I murmured. She handed me her phone relucantly. I avoided her gaze as I took it and walked away
I pushed my luck by going out onto the back patio and closing the door behind me. I waited there for a moment, expecting my mom to barge in after me, demanding I have my conversation in public. But fortunately, she didn't.
I dialed my brother's number from memory. It rang three, four, five times and I almost hoped he wouldn't answer. I just felt like I had to try so technically, I wasnt lying.
"Hello?" He answered on the sixth ring.
"Hey Rob," I sighed but was glad to hear his voice. Maybe it would be nice to talk to him.
"Hey. What's up?" Ain't that a loaded question...
The story fell out of my mouth in a rush. I started from saturday morning at the mall, went through the rest of that day and night, and ended with mom and dad's disconcerting behavior of late. His advice was comforting, as it always was. I felt better when the conversation was over.
"If you'd like, I'll talk to Mom about you coming out to visit me soon."
"i would really like that. Thanks, bro. I appreciate you talking to me."
"Anytime, Raiden. Hang in there."
"I'll do my best," I replied weakly. "Love you."
"I love you too. Bye."
"Bye." I pressed 'end' and looked down at the phone nervously. My heart began to pound as I dialed Sam's number, anxiously looking over my shoulder to make sure neither of my parents were going to come out here anytime soon.
I put the phone to my ear when I was sure I'd be alone for at least a few more minutes. It rang twice before Sam answered.
"Hello?" She sounded a little hesitant, undoubtedly because she didn't recognize the number, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard her voice. I had forgotten how much I missed it...
"Hey sweetie..." The greeting came out more shaky than I intended.
"Raiden?" she asked softly, surprised.
"Mhmm.." I murmured in reply. "How are you, love? Is everything okay?"
"Uh, yeah," She said shortly, and her tone of voice made me uneasy.
"Are-- are you sure?" I prodded gently, unconvinced.
"Yeah." I didnt believe her, but I didn't push it further. Instead, I changed the subject.
"It's...it's really good to hear your voice, Sam," I whispered.
"You too," she replied. There was so little feeling in her voice that tears welled in my eyes. What was going on? I was starting to become alarmed.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" I asked gently. "You dont sound like yourself..."
"I've just been thinking, Raiden," she replied coldly. "That's all."
"About what..?"
She breathed out a long heavy sigh and it made me nervous. I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever was coming.
"I don't think this is gonna work out."
I felt my heart drop into my stomach and my mind start to reel. Wasn't that a classic break-up line? She couldn't be breaking up with me, could she? Had I done something wrong?
I couldn't form words for several moments. When was able, I couldn't choke out any more than "Baby...what do you mean?" i felt i lump rise in my throat as I spoke.
"I don't think we should be together anymore."
I became suddenly sick to my stomach. Why was she doing this? I couldn't understand.
"Why?" I whispered feebly, a single tear running down my cheek.
"It's just all too much, Raiden..." she replied with a heavy sigh. "Everything that's happened recently, all the drama with your parents...I mean, we're not even gonna be able to see each other. It's just all too stressful, and I can't handle it." There was a moment of silence, so many unspoken thoughts and feelings hanging in the air between us. When I didn't respond, Sam added a quiet "I'm sorry."
"Please..." I begged, closing my eyes tightly, pushing out more tears. "Don't do this."
"I'm sorry, Raiden," she said again, and I couldn't tell if she meant it. "It's for the best."
I strongly disagreed, but I didn't have the strength to argue with her. I began to sob quietly.
She was silent, and I muttered a muffled, "Sorry," embarrassed.
"It's alright...I expected you to cry..."
It took everything I had in me not to burst into hysterics on the spot; I had humiliated myself enough already.
My heart was shattering inside me. I had strength enough to only sputter out a few more words.
"If...if you ever change your mind, I'll be here. I'll always take you back."
She was quiet for a moment. Then she said a final, "Bye, Raiden."
And with that, she was gone.