Shane walked around slowly in his apartment taking care of all his many pot plants it was a daily routine and joy to look after them
Now in the weeks leading up to Christmas, he especially kept an eye out on a Christmas rose he had got from his former boyfriend Nicky several years ago.
He remembered that it hadn't looked like much, when he one cold December day came home with it, and he had shook his head at the look of it. Thinking to himself if it ever would blossom.
Now Nicky had left him. It had been a massive shock for him that one day, in the middle of dinner, where he suddenly had said that he had found a new apartment.
"Is there another one?" was his first question when he had got over the shock.
Nicky had looked at him and said truthful
"No, definitely not, but my soul just aren't here anymore........ I do care a lot about you and always will. But I feel a serious relationship as a constricting bond. I have to leave to save my soul. And you have to believe that. It has nothing to do with my feelings towards you"
With tear-stained eyes he had stared on his sad but honest face.
"I will try to understand you" he had whispered and then he began to clear the table as Nicky began to pack.
These memories surfaced as he looked on the miserable looking Christmas rose.
He also now remembered Nicky's enthusiasm, when he with a questioning expression had packed the plant out.
"It's a Helleborus niger" Nicky had said explaining.
"You, with your Latin" he had said to him and smiled, before saying "Can I get that translated too"
Nicky had laughed at him and then he had smiled before giving him a kiss
"It's a Christmas rose". It only blooms when living in a place where peace and love exists, you know it was Christmas roses, the three shepherds saw the day Jesus was born 2000 years ago.
They were met by white fields with the most beautiful blooming Christmas roses. So just wait and see love, living here with us it will probably bloom and become beautiful, even if it doesn't look like it right now" he had said to him and kissed him again.
It turned out that Nicky was right, day by day, Shane had seen the plant develop from looking damaged to getting greener and greener. When Christmas Eve dawned, it unfolded it's beautiful white flower, it was so clean and clear in colour, that you had to see it with your own eyes to believe it's beauty.
Now Shane was looking forward to if it would bloom this year, when he for the first time in several years had to celebrate Christmas alone.
He had thought many thoughts since Nicky left, and it certainly haven't always been thoughts about peace and happiness........ He had to admit to himself.
*********
Nicky had found a small apartment just outside the big busy city, he had made it is own in no time, enjoying it, living the free single life.
In the beginning he was alright, he enjoyed his new way of living, not needing to take care of other than himself.
He could come home and throw his clothes on the floor, without anyone asking him to clean it up.
He didn't have to do the dishes or wash his clothes other than perhaps once every 3rd day. No one had told him what to do and he loved it, but now recent he had actually not really enjoyed his free time.
He felt that he was missing something or someone, his free soul didn't feel good anymore, but to find his way back, to make a retreat wasn't in his nature, although he in rare moments was thinking that it might be necessary.
He looked at himself in the mirror shaking his head as a though popped in
People obviously have to be forced into crises to find out what they want.
He shook his head again and sat down with his newspaper trying to read the sports section, it was no use the words kept dancing around on the side.
You need some fresh air Nico, a walk in the park might do you good. He thought and found his coat before locking himself out of the door it was frosty outside, so he tucked his coat further around him and found his gloves, then he headed for the park.
Nicky sat down on a large tree stump from one of the beech trees, which had fallen down in the latest storm that always crossed the country in the last weeks of November.
He had once read in the newspaper that the honey fungus was the cause, that it simply attacked the trees and slowly drained them until they would fall in the next storm.
He looked to his side and saw the memorial stone from 1822, the King of that time had gave the park to the city's residents back then, it was now 200 years ago how times fly he thought and looked around.
Nicky couldn't help but let's his thoughts wander again, back then it had been completely different times.
If he had been together with Shane there, lived with him, they had definitely needed to hide their feelings towards each other, cause if anyone had noticed it, they would have to leave each other or keep living together, either way they would have been looked down at, hunted or worse..........and living with the shame the rest of their lives.
Well now he had to live with his own feelings and it was actually even worse..........he shook his head again, he should not let his mind wander like that, he once more starred into the air.
"No way, is it you who's sitting there!" Suddenly a happy voice said out loud interrupting Nicky in his thoughts.
He looked up and was met by his childhood friend David's always happy face.
"Where is your precious and lovely Shane?"
"Actually, I don't know" Nicky replied a little sullen.
"Is there something wrong?" David asked
"No, we just moved apart."
"That can't be right....... What happened, did he found someone else?"
Nicky didn't like David's question, actually it hurt him and it annoyed him that he felt that way.
"No, of course he haven't....... I just had to have my freedom," Nicky replied a little stiff to try and justify himself.
"Oh, I see then, well you always have that set high, not having it to good in serious relationships. Oh well, then I better understand that it wasn't you, I saw Shane with the other day on the Café, he looked happy tough.........Oh well you'll probably figure it out...........I better go now, I've loads of Christmas shopping left, nice seeing you again, have a wonderful Christmas Nicky" David said and a few seconds later he disappeared out of the park.
Shane in a café, and with someone else? Had he met a new one?
He felt a knot in his stomach and he didn't like it, he once more tried to supress his thoughts, but it didn't work.
Now don't get jealous he though and got up, he turned on his heel and began to walk towards his apartment, he looked down on the path leading him away from the park, when he was almost out of the park he saw that the sprouts from the snowdrops already began to come out of the ground, he sat down on his knees to cover them up with fallen leaves so they wouldn't freeze do dead, as he covered them up, he spotted another plant. A Christmas Rose, he couldn't stop his thoughts now, and he remembered how Shane had looked that day many years ago when he had bought home the Rose that didn't look at much, it had somehow become the symbol of their love. Nicky once more shook his head, no he shouldn't think of him right now, he was a free soul like he always had liked to be.
A little while later Nicky locked himself into his apartment again. Shane was somehow still on his mind and he couldn't understand why that just 1.5 week before Christmas the memories of Shane popped into his head haunting him somehow.
During the late evening his mind still worked in overdrive and he had to admit that you couldn't control your feelings like you controlled many other things, at night time it still nagged him that Shane so soon might already had found a new one, he was somehow angry at him and found a piece of paper, quickly he scribbled down.
"So I heard that you have forgot me very fast, that's so good for you, well I hope you'll have good Christmas with your new love"
He began as a Christmas greeting to Shane.
He sat back with the pen in his hand and looked at the bitter and angry lines for a while, then he took the paper and curled it up to a ball and throwed it out with the trash.
He was in second doubts perhaps Shane haven't found a new, perhaps it was just a friend, he couldn't knew, he himself had thought about finding a new boyfriend, but it only stayed as a though.
He looked around his apartment, he haven't even got his act together to try and make a bit more Christmassy, the box with all his Christmas decorations still stood with Shane, and now he wouldn't border to pick it up, Christmas was just around the corner so it didn't matter anyway now.
***************
Shane looked eagerly in the mailbox each day when he came home from work, but apart from the mandatory card from his mom, no one else had send him Christmas greetings this year. Even though there was only soon a week to Christmas Eve.
Next day on work he was quiet the whole day, and it was unusual for him, he always chatted away and tried to make everyone around him smile. His colleague Christian noticed it and when it was time to say goodbye and thank you for today he passed him up in the hallway.
"Come on Shane, let's find a café and get something hot to drink, and then you'll tell me what's bordering you, cause you're definitely not your usual happy self.
Shane nodded and thanked Christian, they walked toward their usual café and ordered a nice hot chocolate each, as they sat down opposite each other he breathed out
"Everyone have forgot about me this year" he said sulking
"Okay..........so why do you think that" he asked concerned but yet smiling "You're surrounded by many people every single day that always says hello and goodbye, that always stop for a chat cause they like you" Christian said
Shane smiled, but then he sat back with the mug in his hand, silent looking out the window before he looked sadly at Christian again. "It's just that every past year I've got loads of Christmas cards this year only the one from my mum. It's like everyone has forgotten about me after Nicky left, like all our mutual friends just disappeared, I'm still the same Shane nothing had changed there. Perhaps it's true what I read that people chose a side and then forget the other part."
He said a bit sad
"No you're not the same Shane. I kinda had hoped that you would have forgotten Nicky by now and looked at bit to my side" Christian said teasing with a glimpse in his eyes
Shane smiled at that comment knowing all to well he wasn't Christians type.
"Did you write any cards yourself Shane?" he then asked
"No, cause I didn't wanted to write if I didn't get any"
Christian looked at him and laughed a bit "You know that sometimes it's better to start writing than to wait for the cards to come before you write yourself" He said and raised his glass before taking a sip.
Shane had to smile, he was right "You always make things look so simple" he said to him
"That's just me, why make it more complicated than it already is"
"Then what about love, it's not that simple? It's rather complicated I think" he said
"You may well be right about that"
Christian said thoughtfully "After all love is not a product that you simply can buy, it comes uninvited, suddenly it's there, then you've to have the courage to grasp it and to give it away yourself, it's something fine and precious, like a very expensive Ming Vase. If you break it to pieces it's hard to fix it again" Christian said thoughtfully
"How do you know that?"
"I have experienced that myself."
"I didn't even think you ever have had a boyfriend"
"No, cause I fumbled with it and dropped the vase."
"But do you have the pieces still"
"Yes, and I have started gathering them, but it takes it's time"
"So, are you able to do it?"
"Yes I think so, I'm slowly getting there day by day" Christian said and smiled at him, he took on last sip of his mug, then put it on the table and looked at Shane.
"Send out the cards and then you'll see in no time you'll get loads back"
"Thanks for the chat Christian" Shane said, then he left the café in a bit better mode than he have had all day and went home to his apartment.
He sat down at the kitchen table and though about Christians description of love it sounded so true, he smiled for himself and found a Christmas card, he had decided to send a Christmas greeting to Nicky, but what to write was the hardest part, he couldn't write that it was soon Christmas and cold outside, Nicky already knew that he just had to look at the calendar and walk out the door.
He then thought about the Christmas Rose that he had taken in from the balcony, and once more wondered if it would bloom this year.
Suddenly he knew what to write and it had to somehow be botanical which might wake Nicky up.
He looked at the card and began to write
Homo sapiens is a plant that can live under the most miserable circumstances, but it will happen one day that it'll get bored and wither if it don't get some care, on the other hand, if it gets love, care and time to grow, it will thrive and bloom just like a Christmas Rose that lives best in a loving and caring home.
Christmas Greeting
Shane.
He was just about to crumble the paper together, but then he remembered Christians words and the look on his face, describing love as a precious vase.
He took his coat on and found a stamp quickly he put it on the card and went down to the mailbox with it, hoping that it would arrive to Nicky before Christmas, and that Nicky would understand the message.
****************
4 days later when Nicky came home he was met by a massive stack of Christmas catalogues on the floor inside his apartment
What a waste of resources he though and took them up, he was just about to throw them out, but decided anyway to look them over, he still needed a few presents, then he saw the card which was hiding in between, he immediately recognised Shane's characteristic handwriting and let the catalogues lay on the table.
This was the first sign of life from him after he had moved out.
He read his somehow cryptic text a couple of times. Then he laid the card in front of him.
"Shall, shall not" he thought, smiling and somehow relieved. Shane had in a way taken the decision for him, and he was more then ready to follow up on his message if he understood it correctly, he couldn't bare if this was a way for Shane to say a final goodbye to him
Oh the power of love he thought and walked out to his bathroom, he looked in the mirror and shook his head "Nico you look like shit" he said to himself and took a quick decision, splashed some water in his face and found his coat.
A little later he went up the stairs to his apartment, he was both elated and somewhat anxious. He put his finger on the bell and heard it ring, knowing that this could be the beginning of a new life for them or the end.
He stood a while, but there was no one home, he stayed on the stairs thinking, what had you expected Nico that he opened the door and welcomed you back with open arms..........you're stupid like you could just show up and say "Hey here I'm" like nothing had happened.
Once more David's words got into his head that he had seen Shane on a café with another man. Perhaps your Christmas Card was only a greeting he thought and sulked a bit that he might had misunderstood his words.
He breathed out and sat down on the stairs not knowing what to do now.
Far away in his thoughts once more he heard the street door begin opened, and he immediately recognised Shane's steps, suddenly he was standing there.
"Nicky.........why on earth are you sitting out here?" he asked surprised.
"Well.........because you weren't home" he said a bit silly and looked down again.
He fumbled with his keys, but got the door unlocked, he stepped inside and looked at Nicky who still was sitting on the stairs.
Shane smiled "Why don't you come in, I guess you don't want to sit out here all Christmas?" he said teasingly still smiling.
Nicky stood up and smiled at him, Shane smiled back, he could see right through him and knew he was going to say something. Nicky followed after him into the small kitchen where Shane sat down his grocery bags, then he turned and looked at Nicky.
"Listen to me" Nicky began on his usual manner
"Yes, do you want to make a speech" Shane asked
"Yes, Point 1: I love you.
Point 2: I will never leave you again, ever.
Point 3: Will you marry me?" he said before he went silent.
Shane could almost feel the kitchen running round, it had come so suddenly, he closed his eyes. All their past years rushed over him flashing before his eyes in fast rewind.
He opened his eyes and was met by Nicky's questioning, slightly scared blue eyes.
"Then you need to get down on your knees" he whispered low, blinded by tears, he saw the always confident Nicky kneel on the kitchen floor.
"Yes I would like to marry you" he said low
Nicky stood up again and Shane once more stared into his beautiful, blue eyes. He walked a bit forward towards him then stopped a bit hesitant, before he knew it he was wrapped up in Nicky's arms, and their lips met in tenderly kisses.
Shane smiled at him as their lips parted and said low
"Do you think the Christmas rose will bloom again this year?"
"It definitely will do, and so will the other flower you mentioned in your letter, if we take care of it" Nicky said smiling and then he hugged him tightly "We'll have the most wonderful Christmas this year"
Shane smiled at him and as their lips met once more the Christmas Rose slowly began to bloom.