She's getting a little better.
Not by much but I count it as a win. She doesn't flinch as much when we try to touch her.
At first she wouldn't let us near her, closeting herself away in her bedroom all day and night. Rarely talking to either of us. When we tried to reach out to her she would dodge our touches like they were the most disgusting things in the world.
But now.
After three weeks in therapy I can actually see some progress. Although it's slow in coming. Today when we were at breakfast I placed my arm on the back of her chair. Without even thinking I started tracing slow little circles with my thumb along her back. She didn't dodge my touch like she usually did.
When I realized what I was doing I almost yanked my hand away from her back but then when I notice that she wasn't flinching away from my touch, I bravely continued.
That little moment meant more to me than she would ever be able to realize.
Small steps each day and hopefully soon she will be able to handle more than she thinks she can.
I hope so anyway.
I'm lonely without her. Me and Samson both. I don't think we ever managed to go this long without having sex and it amazes me that we are able to actually accomplish it.
Not that I would push her to do anything with me in any way. I just long for her. Long to be with her again. I miss her kisses. Her touches. Hell! I even miss her laughter.
She hasn't been able to that in a long time either.
The day in the gym when she tried to kill herself was a fucking eye opener for me.
The headmaster took care of Braxton thankfully because our main focus was only Jaci at that moment.
I don't think I would be able to manage to live without her if she was able to succeed in taking her life. Thankfully she wasn't.
She's my one and only. A life without her would not be worth living.
That's why agreed with Ora that she needed more than just us to help her get pass this.
Thankfully it seems to be working. I don't know how much longer I can go without hearing her laughter any longer.
It's tearing me up inside.
"What are you painting?" Thinking about her brought her vision to life.
I'm in the garage painting a portrait of her. I'm the artistic one in my family, well I guess Cal is also, he can play the guitar but I'm the one who has the talent for drawing.
I decided after Jacis incident that I would cheer her up by painting a portrait of her for her. She needs something that will brighten her spirits.
After hearing her sweet voice I quickly cover my painting with the tarp hiding my work from her. I don't want her to see the picture just yet. I want to show her when it's a completed and on a special day hopefully.
"Nothing. What's up?" I ask. Dropping the paint brush back on the pallet.
"I thought that we could talk. If you have the time that is. If not I can come back later." She nervously ask me. Fidgeting with a string of hair.
I will always make time for her.
"Sure. I'm always here for you Jaci. You can talk to me anytime." I try to assure her.
Grasping her tiny hand in mine I give her a serious look. Then I notice that she's allowing me to hold her hand without pushing me away.
I genuinely love her progress. She's so brave tackling all of this shit, that I can't help but to completely admire her for it. I'm so proud of her accomplishments. She's worked so damn hard to get where she is today.
"I wanted to talk to you first. I've came to a decision yesterday that may help me with my...issues. I need to leave." She asserts.
She wants to leave? Leave us?
"I don't understand?" I ask her very curiously.
"I have to leave Faron. I have to get away from here, from the...memories. If I don't I will never get better. I need some time away from all of it. I need help!" She desperately pleads.
"But." I honestly don't understand how her leaving will solve any of her problems. Maybe it's just me but I don't want her to leave.
I want her to stay here with us.
Dammit!
Just when I thought she was making some sort of progress she wants to push us away from her any further? It doesn't make sense to me.
"Jaci how will leaving help? You need a good support system behind you and I think all four of us can help you get through this. Don't run away from us. Please." It doesn't bother me that I will stoop low enough to beg her. Hell! I would get down on my fucking knees if it would make her give up this ridiculous notion.
"That's just it. I will have a support system. I want to go to a clinic that helps people like me. Who have been in my situation. Who can understand my pain. I want to get better and if I stay here I can't see that happening any time soon." Her blue eyes are starting to well up with unshed tears as she pleads with me for understanding.
I know she needs the help. I know she can't do it on her own but I also know that it's going to break my damn heart in two if she leaves me.
"For how long?" I ask her earnestly.
Please tell me it won't be long. She hasn't been the same Jaci for over a month now. I don't blame her. I could never do that. She didn't ask for any of this. I just need my Jaci back.
She hesitates before she answers. The hesitation makes me anxious. I do not like the idea of her going. I know I'm being selfish, I know I am, but I don't know what I'm going to do without her. "A month." She finally replies.
Fuck!
No! A fucking month! A day without her is hard enough. But a fucking month? She has got to be kidding?
I don't think any of my brothers are going to agree to what she's proposing. Asher is going to flip his shit. Cal just started getting close to her again and Ora? Damn Ora is going to go fucking ballistic!
"When?" I can barely form the word.
What am I going to do without her here?
"Tomorrow morning." I drop her hands from mine immediately. Standing up quickly, I start to pace frantically around the garage.
I try not to look in her direction because I don't want her to see how much this actually upsets me.
I know she needs this but I think I need her more.
"We need to tell the others." I sadly inform her.
This is going to be one hell of a conversation that I am definitely not looking forward to.
Grabbing her hand, I walk us both out of the garage hastily. Trying my best to reign in my overwrought emotions.
Preparing myself for the ultimate fucking showdown.
"Hell no!"
I knew it would be a fight for her. Ora is making it abundantly clear exactly how he feels about her leaving.
When she dropped the bomb on the others in our living room every one of my brothers angrily protested her decision instantly.
It's not the thought that we don't want Jaci to get the help that she most definitely needs and wants. It's the very idea of being without her for so long that has everyone so damn riled up.
None of us want to see her go. None of us can handle it if she does.
We would be lost without her.
The entire time that my brothers have been protesting about her leaving. I've been watching Jaci closely. From the second that we disagreed with her plans I watched as her soulful determination slip away and turn into a detrimental sadness.
The sudden realization that she needs this probably more than she needs us is overwhelmingly sobering.
We almost lost her once from her depression I'll be damn if I will chance losing her again over it.
"Stop!" I demandingly yell.
Ceasing all conversation.
Standing from the chair I make my over to Jaci. I kneel down in front of her grasping her delicate hands into my own. Grabbing her full attention.
"If this is what you need to get better then I will let you go. I understand. But promise me that this is not goodbye for good. Promise me this is only temporary." I will unwillingly let her go. I honestly think it's the best decision all round for her now.
But I need some type of guarantee that she will come back to me. To us or I don't think I will be able to let her walk out of that door away from us. I just fucking can't.
"I promise. I will come back to you. To you all. This is not forever. I will be back. Please understand how desperately I need this." She grips my hands tighter pleading with me.
I glance over my shoulder at my brothers. The distraught look on their faces mirror my own.
This is going to more difficult than we can imagine but it's what she desperately needs. I hate it. Damn if I don't hate it! But I will do whatever it takes to get our old Jaci back. One way or the other.
"Fine. Then go. Get the help you need. We will be here waiting when you return." I start to stand back up but then hesitate, "with open arms." I quickly add. Trying to give her the encouragement she seeks.
"Faron." Ora tries to reprimand me.
"It's what she needs Ora. Let her go." I throw the words over my shoulder.
It's not something that I one hundred percent agree with but I will do anything for her. For her to get better.
"Fine." Ora grumbles hating the idea but eventually accepts.
The following morning were all standing at the entranceway with Jaci.
She's all packed and ready to go on her helpful adventure.
The tension inside of the room from me and my brothers is beyond staggering.
None of us want to say goodbye. None of us want to see her go.
After last night she left us in the living room watching her as she walked away back to her prison. Her bedroom. The room she's been barricaded in for far too long.
As soon as she was out of our sights my brothers turned their rage onto me. Each blaming me for agreeing to Jacis plan.
"What the hell are you thinking? DC is still out there Faron! If she leaves we can't protect her!" Ora angrily ask me.
I didn't even register that DC was still missing. My only thought was for Jacis mental health.
"I just want her better Ora! I miss her and if this is the only way to get her back then I'm all for it. I totally forgot about DC." I amend.
"How can you forget? He's the reason all of this happened. He is still after her and he won't stop until he has her!" Cal is even more furious than Ora is at me. His venomous accusations toward me may be correct but I was only trying to look out for our mate. It's unwarranted.
"Then we need someone there to protect her." Asher suggests.
His idea does have some merit but what if Jaci catches us?
"We would have to do it very carefully. If she sees us then she might not ever return home." I tell them.
The thought alone absolutely terrifies me.
"We don't even know where she's going?" Ora quips.
"Then we need to find out and soon because I'm not taking the chance of DC getting his hands on her again." Cal suggests.
"I'll find out where. The rest of you come up with a plan to at least have one of us around her at all times." Asher demands.
"What about our classes?" Cal ask.
Fuck! There is only four weeks left until we all out for our summer break. Jaci deferred a semester so she was able to go to the clinic but we all still have our own classes to attend, unfortunately. This puts quite a damper on our plans.
"Fuck classes. She's more important! Besides we can each take a week away to watch after her. That shouldn't be a problem." Leave to Ora to devise a well thought out plan.
"Then it's settled. We will all watch over her a week at time while she is in the clinic. I'll take the first week." Cal suggest.
It's actually a splendid idea. This way we can all still be with her without actually being with her.
We won't let her leave our sight. We failed to protect her the last time. I'll be damned if I fail her again.
"Please be safe and call us every night." Asher request snapping me back into reality. He gives her a deep kiss before he steps back to let Ora tell her his goodbyes.
"I will." Her sweet little voice drums a welcoming beat in my ears.
This is tearing me apart.
"I'll miss you sweet cheeks. More than you'll know. I love you." He sweetly tell hers. Kissing her just as deeply as Asher did.
"My turn." Cal nudges Ora to the side. Jaci laughs at his overeagerness.
The musical sound of hearing her laugh inspires me. It's actually the first time I have heard her laugh since the night before her assault.
Maybe this will actually work. Hearing her laugh gives me a spark of hope.
"I'll miss you baby. Call me when you get there ok?" Cal hesitates before he kisses her. Their relationship is still a bit edgy. She happily welcomed the kiss from him surprisingly.
She is making progress. She hasn't pushed us away or flinched at her touch. Making even more hope spark within me.
I slowly make my way to her. I keep repeating the mantra inside of my head that she needs this. I have to stop being so damn selfish and let her go but fuck it's hard for me to do.
"Be safe and remember your promise. I'll be waiting for you. I love you Jaci." I blast my sentiments to her with pure love.
"I love you too." She tells me.
I freeze.
It's the first time she's ever voiced that declaration to me.
I've waited so long to hear those three words fall from her lovely lips.
The unconditional exhilaration that flows through me knowing finally how she actually feels about me is astronomically phenomenal.
Whisking her into my arms I kiss her with so much love and passion. I have to show her that what she said means the world to me.
Pushing her body closer to me, I deepen the kiss dramatically. Our tongues battle for dominance with a heated debate of lust.
She breathlessly stops the kiss way to quickly for my liking. I press my forehead to hers glancing into her beautiful blue eyes.
"I've waited so long to hear those words. Thank you Jaci. Thank you for loving me." I gratefully tell her.
"Thank you for loving me Faron and for understanding." Her gratitude almost floors me.
I truly never knew that love like this ever existed. Jaci has shown me what true love really means. I will forever be indebted to her for that.
"Don't thank me for loving you it comes naturally and unconditionally." She pulls back away from me. Our eyes clash is wonderment.
I think we both just realized how deep our love actually runs for each other.
"I got to go." Exactly the words that I dreaded hearing.
She reaches down for her suitcase, giving us all a last wistful look before she turns on her heels and exits the manor and our lives. Temporarily.
When the door closes softly behind her we all jump into action.
"I'll be back in Sunday. Ora will go after me. Then Asher and lastly Faron. I'm taking Yonan with me so if there's any problem or if you locate DC give either one of us a call ok?" Cal hurriedly grabs his suitcase out of the side closet.
"If any thing comes up gives a call. You'll be too far away to mind-link us just keep an eye on her Cal we're counting on you." Ora warns him.
Cal has felt extremely guilty about not being able to get to Jaci in time. I blame it on Cynthia, not him. I wish he would realize that it wasn't his damn fault. But talking to Cal about anything is like banging your head against a brick wall. He just too damn hardheaded to accept that he wasn't to blame for any of it.
"I will. Bye?" Cal exits the manor quickly. Giving us one last glance over his shoulder before he leaves.
I'm saddened over Jaci leaving but also I'm ecstatic over her telling me that she is love with me.
The mixed emotions that I'm feeling are extremely confusing. But for now all I can do is hope that she will keep her word and come back to us. To me.
The sooner the better!