Chapter Forty-Three: Ready
Lincoln
After meetings back-to-back all day, I'm thoroughly drained by the time I leave the office. But I promised Margo I'd go out with all of them tonight, and if Sienna is truly getting out of the house, I'll push whatever tiredness I have to the side and shove it somewhere deep, deep down inside myself. This is too important for something as foolish as exhaustion to get in the way.
I let out a sigh as the elevator doors open to my elaborate condo in Manhattan. I'm loosening the tie around my neck with one hand as I carry a bag of Chinese food into the kitchen with the other and set it down onto the marble countertop. The space around me is too clean, and I wrinkle my nose as the smell of lemon wafts from the floor.
Fucking Margo.
There's no other explanation for it. We've been best friends since high school, and I know her fastidious tendencies can get the best of her. It's not that I'm not grateful for it, of course I am, but she didn't have to do this. I have a cleaning crew come every Monday for a reason.
Too lazy to do it yourself? Margo's voice floods into my head, and I smile just at the thought of what her bitchy reply would have been to me saying that. She's always hated the fact that I waste money on things I could simply do myself, but it makes my life easier, and I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, I have a lovely relationship with my cleaning crew, and they're compensated very nicely because of it.
I hear heels clattering down the hallway. Heels. Heels I haven't heard in months. Sienna's power-stride comes barreling into the kitchen, her head held high and that familiar man-eating grin that I've missed for so long.
My heart swells with pride and uncertainty. Is she ready to do this? Did Margo talk her into doing this too soon?
I've been so accustomed to Sienna wearing sweatpants and baggy t-shirts of mine that I almost forgot what she looks like all dressed up. And it's not that I don't love her in baggy t-shirts of mine — she could wear anything and make it look good — but I'm not used to this. Her freshly curled brown hair falling over her shoulder in elegant waves. Her makeup done heavy with a familiar shade of red lipstick that is making me let out a sigh of frustration just at the sight.
"Well?" She does a twirl with her hands up in the air, and only now do I notice her outfit. "Do you like it?"
A black mini leather skirt emphasizing her long, slender legs and perfect swell of her ass is teasing the fuck out of me. I rake my eyes up to a long-sleeved red bodysuit covered in lace that's see-through, glimpses of her silky skin shining through. My cock is straining against my dress pants, begging and longing for release.
It's been too long since Sienna and I have done anything remotely romantic. Since she's been staying at my place, it's as if she's a roommate, and although I hate it, having her around as a friend is better than not having her with me at all. I'll take what I can get, and given what she's gone through, I never expected anything more than this. I understand it as awful as it makes me feel.
But right now...right now I'm thinking with my cock as it remembers all of those times it was inside of her tight, sweet pussy. How wet she got just at the mere thought of me touching her. The urge to sink down on my knees and bury myself underneath her skirt is so appetizing that I'm not even hungry anymore for the Chinese. I know exactly what I want to eat, and it's nothing on the food pyramid.
I grip my hands on the island, my knuckles turning white. You can't, I'm forced to remind myself. You fucking can't.
"Do you like it?" she repeats.
Running a hand through my hair, I let out a loud breath and say, "I don't think you want to hear my opinion, Sienna."
A smile toys on her lips as she takes a step closer. "Why not?"
For the first time in months, I feel the energy shift in the room. The sense of lust is heightened as that familiar flicker of passion dances across her eyes, giving me insight as to what exactly is on her mind. In seconds, sweat is prickling on the back of my neck, and I'm clutching on this goddamn island so tight that I fear it might split into two. My cock is pulsating in my pants, pleading with me to give into my craving.
Do it
Do it
Do it
"You know exactly why," I say, hardly able to get the words out. My voice is hoarse, and my breaths are shallow, and I glance around me as if hoping to find some balcony I can crawl out onto to get some fresh air into my lungs. I've pushed away these feelings for Sienna because I could tell that my moves were unwelcomed, but now... Now she's stepping closer, and now I don't know what the hell to do.
This version of Sienna is the one I thought died back in that hotel room. I never thought she'd be this confident again as she reaches my side, trailing her fingers down my chest over the buttons of my dress shirt. I gulp loudly, avoiding eye contact with her because I know the moment that I see that fleeting desire on her face again, I'll break.
"You've been so patient," she whispers more to herself than me, "and I want you to know how thankful I am for you, Linc. You truly don't know—" Her voice catches, both of us blinking away tears. "You don't know how much it means to me that you were strong for me when I couldn't be. And although this hell of a nightmare isn't over yet, I'm done letting Travis control my life. I'm done living in fear. I want and need to move on because doing what I've been doing isn't living at all."
I tilt her chin up to meet mine, swiping at a single tear that's fallen onto her cheek. "I would do it all over again for you," I tell her, "and you know why."
She smiles. "You still aren't saying it?"
I shake my head. "Not until the moment is right."
Shoulders slumping in defeat, she lets out a sigh and then straightens up again. "Okay, but what are your thoughts on...you know...continuing what we were doing before all of this happened."
"And by that you mean..."
"Having sex...fucking...kissing...cuddling... All of it."
Her fingers are playing with the buttons of my dress shirt, and I glance down to stare at the sight of it, muttering christ seconds after. My cock is on full attention in my dress pants, and Sienna smiles when she notices, running her hands down to my belt buckle.
I let out a strangled sound between a moan and a sigh when she palms my cock, my back slumping against the fridge from the sheer pleasure of a simple action from her. Although I've gotten to know my hand more than I'd like for the past three months, nothing feels as good as this. Making myself come is nothing compared to the feeling of her hand palming me over my pants.
"I don't think I need to answer that, Sienna," I reply through gritted teeth. "You know how much I want you. How much I want this. The question is if you're ready. I won't make a move on you until I know for certain."
Every last ounce of willpower is keeping me from pulling her into my chest and lifting her up in my arms. I want to shove that mini skirt up around her thighs, move her panties to the side, and feel the wet warmth of her pussy that I've been deprived of for so long. I want to fuck for hours, to have my head shoved in-between her thighs and prove to her that not all men are bad. That I'll never make her feel anything but pleasure. Lots and lots of pleasure.
"I miss you," she says so quietly that I almost don't hear it. The simple sentence tells me everything I need to know. Her words are laced with sincerity and longing, and I'm wondering if I should have talked to her sooner about her feelings about us. How long has she been missing us?
"But I'm scared of what will happen when we do have sex again," she adds. "I want to do all of those things again with you, but I feel so defeated. Like we're back to square one when you first met me. I don't want to disappoint you, or make you feel like less of a man because I have to be in control at first again, I just— I'm scared. But I'm ready. So, so ready."
Wrapping my thumb and pointer finger around her chin, I dip my head down to look into her eyes that are shining from tears. "We aren't back to square one. Healing isn't supposed to be all uphill. There are dips and curves and cliffs that you have to walk through in order to get on the other side, but I'm here, Sienna, and I'm not going anywhere. I'll walk through all of that with you happily, and if that means no sex, we'll continue doing what we've been doing. There's no pressure.
"I mean, think about it, how could we be back at square one? We know each other like the back of our hands now. How else would I know that you don't wipe out your toothpaste in the sink in the morning? Or that you prefer night showers instead of morning ones?"
Her lip quivers, completely breaking my heart. "How do you always know just the right things to say?"
"Because I know you, and just in the sentence alone means that we are so much further than back to square one. Do you get that?"
She nods. "I know, it's just that sometimes I miss that version of you before you knew about my past. I can see how much what happened to me changed you, too, and it upsets me more than you know."
"What version? The cocky, arrogant prick that fucked anything with a pulse? I'd like to think of this version of myself as evolved."
She laughs. "No, I mean the fun, outgoing guy who sought what he wanted with no questions asked. No hesitancy. No reluctance. You just...took it. Every opportunity. And after what happened to me, there have been moments where I could tell you wanted to..." She sighs. "You know, make a move, but then I could see that flash of reluctance interrupt whatever it was you were about to do, and the old Lincoln never would have done that."
I ponder her words thoughtfully, calculating them in every sense of the aspect that I can. Would I like to just shove her up against a wall and fuck her senseless? Hell yes. But it would also be wrong of me if I didn't care about whether that would trigger her. It'd be insensitive, it'd be the old Lincoln, but the old Lincoln didn't love someone. I love her, and I'm going to consider all the facts before doing something that could potentially harm her physically or emotionally.
I glance down at her again, cursing when her perfect tits are practically begging me to pull her top up to her neck in order to release them. Just as I'm about to say fuck it and show her just how dirty the old Lincoln can be, my alarm goes off. We told Margo we'd meet at the bar Sienna chose by eight-thirty, and it's already eight.
"You did it again," she says softly, blinking up at me with innocent eyes. The same way she looks at me with my cock filling her mouth.
I reach out to run my thumb over her bottom lip, sucking in a sharp intake of air when she wraps her mouth around it and sucks it, her tongue flicking and teasing over the pad of my skin. "Always such a good girl," I say, my expression devoid of any happiness whatsoever. No, what's radiating off of me is this need to fuck her right here, right now, and it's not a teasing or joking matter. I have full intention with every word I'm speaking. "I can call Margo and cancel this entire thing. Just say the word. I'd much rather have you bounce on my cock all night, anyway."
She releases my thumb from her mouth, the pulse thrumming rapidly in her throat as she contemplates my offer, and Jesus, I'm going to come just from that expression on her face. She wears that man-eating grin, the one I thought disappeared forever as she leans in close to my ear to whisper, "No, we should probably go to avoid the wrath of her. Besides, who says I can't ride your cock before we get home? You know I'll always find a way."
Lord, help me.