The sleepovers I had back home consisted of makeovers, gossiping, surfing the Internet, and watching romance films. Chloe and I had one about every weekend together, there was always something from the week to discuss. Sometimes we'd go to her house, but mostly mine. Her house wasn't as nice. And we'd just talk and hang and do our hair and stuff. It was fun, it really was. She was a fun girl.
"No, I'm telling you man. If I could be in one band, any band, it'd be damn Black Sabbath."
She was really good at painting nails, that was, like, her thing. I was good at makeup and hair and all that, but she was great at manicures. She used to joke and say she was going to become a professional nail artist. I used to say she couldn't, because that was a lame job, but deep down I thought she could. That was the thing with Chloe, she could do whatever she wanted to do in life. She was just that lucky.
"You can't say Black Sabbath. I said Black Sabbath."
"Well fuck you, I like Black Sabbath as well. You're not the only fan."
"Pass me the joint."
She would complain all the time about her appearance, but she was so pretty. Looking back now I realise that she probably knew she was pretty, and just wanted to bring attention to herself. She was that kind of person. She acted like she hated it, but she damn well loved attention. Chloe had everything, the figure, the looks, the wealth. I don't know why she complained so much. It got annoying really fast.
"Okay, what about this. Best lyrical genius?"
"Hands down, John Mayer."
"Pass the joint."
"Kurt fucking Cobain, man."
God, I treated her so well. I was the best friend she could ever ask for, and she treats me like she did? I was the only one in the entire school who could put up with her bitchiness, and that disgusting sweater of hers that she loved. No one else fucking did. But I put up with that, because I was just such a damn good friend.
"Can we talk about Jeff Healy for a second? Like, that son of a bitch was blind and could play guitar way better than I ever could."
"Luke, a lot of people can play guitar better than you. For one, my grandma."
"Fuck you, man."
I just didn't understand what at all I did to deserve this. Like, okay so I wasn't some Christian or whatever, but I wasn't necessarily a bad person. So I put myself first a lot, was that so bad?
"This song. This song. This is the world's best song."
"Led Zeppelin is my religion, man."
"Hey, Ella. You okay over there?"
I look up from the wall in which I'm staring blankly at and look over at the boys who are all crouched on the floor masked in a haze of smoke. I screw up my nostrils. I had tried to sit as far away from them as possible without sitting outside. I'm a little shocked they've spoken to me, to be honest. They hadn't for about half an hour.
Luke's looking at me, eyes red. Beside him, Ashton sits with his legs raised and his arms resting on his knees. He's smoking, looking right at me. Cheeks drawing in and out. I start to feel a little queasy.
"Huh? Oh, I'm fine."
"You can join us if you want," he continues. "We're just talking."
"She won't understand what we're talking about," Michael says snarkily.
"It's not like we're talking politics, Michael. I barely understand what we're talking about." Luke pats the space beside him. "Come on."
I go to shake my head when I see Ashton smirk, blowing smoke out of his lips. He looks so damn hot, yet so damn fucking annoying. He's looking at me like he has a reason to, like he knows me so well. "Ella doesn't smoke."
I don't know why, but I grow angry at this. Ashton does not know me at all, and I hate how he thinks he does. God, he pisses me off so much. I stand up and, much to Ashton's surprise, I walk over to the boys and sit down.
"Hand me the thing," I demand, looking at Ashton.
He raises his eyebrow, lips still fixed in a smirk. "You sure you can handle it, love?"
Love. Jesus Christ, stay calm, Ella. "Of course I can." I rip the rolled up paper from his hands.
It's the first time I've ever held a joint let alone had one. I was completely anti-smoking, but I was also anti-Ashton. So I took a deep breath and stuck the damn thing between my lips and inhaled. And coughed. And died.
The boys just laugh, Ashton's being the loudest. I cough and cough, slapping my chest as I cough up my liver. Luke's trying not to laugh, but I see his lips quivering. My eyes water, my throat burns. People actually liked this?
"It's easier if you don't hold it in so much." Calum leans into me, putting his fingers over mine as he holds the joint. I didn't even realise he was sitting right beside me. "You put it between your lips, yeah, like that. Now inhale slightly, but not so much that you feel it burning."
I follow what he says, looking down at the smoke that leaves my lips. He's looking at me with intense eyes. "Now let go." I do, and I manage to swallow it all a bit better.
"Told you," Ashton says.
I just throw the thing back at him.
This whole situation wasn't ideal, because now I was stuck here. Stuck sitting here in hazy smoke listening to rock music as the boys all continued to get high. It was quite amusing to watch, I guess. Michael acted so bubbly for once, his frown replaced for a cheeky smile. He was lying down, playing air guitar. Ashton was laughing, like, a lot.
"Fuck me!" Luke suddenly cries. "Turn it up, Michael!"
"No need to ask me twice!" Michael cries as a new song starts up. He starts air guitaring again and Luke stands up. Literally stands up and starts singing. It's a song I don't recognise, typically. But all the boys seem to know it.
"You know what this song always reminds me of?" Ashton asks, leaning against the wall, joint in hand, smoke whimsically flying around him. "Smoking on Cliff Point with Laura Hayes."
"What happened to her?" Michael asks, still laying down. "You were so into her."
Ashton shrugs, looking up at the ceiling as he blows out smoke. "She had a thing for older guys."
"Yeah? You were older than her."
"Like older."
"Like-"
"Yeah."
"I heard she fucked Kevin Smith's dad."
"I heard that too."
"Who didn't hear that?"
I screw up my face in disgust. Gross.
"I'd still let her get it," Luke speaks up, nodding away like mad. "We have quite the connection."
"You kissed once when she thought you were Ashton when she was off her face at a party." Michael clears his throat.
"Yeah? And?"
"That was you?" Ashton cries. "Asshole!" He smacks Luke on the arm.
"Hey! I didn't know! One second I was standing by myself, the next Laura Hayes was making out with me. Come on, what would you expect me to do?"
"Not be such a damn pussy hound for once in your life?"
"Says you, Ashton." Calum scoffs.
Back home, I didn't have very many guy friends. I just didn't connect with them all too well on a friend level, not really on a romance level either. Chloe had heaps, well, she thought she did. Her 'guy friends' would last about a day before she moved onto a new one, and you'd never see the others again. She wasn't into relationships. In fact, in the entire time we were friends, a whole five years, she only ever had one proper relationship. A guy named Joel, he was probably the nicest guy she ever was affiliated with. Maybe that was the problem. That was always the problem.
"At least I get some, Calum," Ashton retaliates.
"Too much, if I'm honest," Calum replies harshly. "No doubt you've fucked every girl in the entire school."
"That's not true, I haven't fucked you."
The boys all laugh, but Calum doesn't. "You know what? I'm sick of putting up with your shit." He gets to his feet, wobbling a little.
"What?" Ashton's laughter dies down. "Hey, you're joking. Calum, what the fuck?"
"No, I'm serious. All you do is insult me! It's not even funny!"
Ashton's trying very hard to be serious, but he bursts into laughter again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm ... oh, man."
"Ashton, Ash, I think he's being serious." Luke smacks Ashton's arm, doubling over in laughter.
I watch as Ashton tries to hide his laughter, but ends up falling over on top of Luke as they both collapse to the floor. Michael joins in and Calum storms off outside. I just sit there, stuck in between wanting to stay or go.
"He's such a girl," Ashton cries, still laughing.
"Aren't you going to see if your boyfriend's alright?" Luke looks at me. He says it in the most menacing tone.
I furrow my eyebrows. I had never had many guy friends, so I didn't know if this was a usual occurrence for them, and if it didn't at all matter or it did, but I felt like I had to defend Calum in some way. "You ... you know .... you shouldn't be so hard on him all the time."
The boys just look at me like I've said the most absurd thing. Michael suddenly gets angry. "We don't even like you, who are you to tell us how to treat our friends?"
"Hey, chill," Ashton warns him.
"I'm just saying, you don't have to be such a dick. He obviously doesn't find it funny, so what's the point?" I snap.
"Jesus, you two make me sick." Luke gags, sitting up.
These boys were not my friends, and I realised right now that they never would be. And I didn't care, because they were not people I wanted to be friends with. I knew that now. I stand up.
"Where are you going?" Ashton asks me.
"I'm going home," I reply blankly.
He looks shocked, they all do. "W-What? Why?"
The thing with Ashton was this; he was terrified of the real world and so he hid himself away to try and stop reality from happening. Ever since he was a kid, he was idealistic. It almost made me sad, looking at him sitting down with a joint in his hand, his hair a mess and his eyes the same. It almost made me sad, because I knew that this was the highlight of his day. Getting high with his dropkick mates. Behind his aloof persona, there was fear. He was damn shit scared to grow up. It made me sad, but not for long. Because it just mostly made me annoyed. He made me damn annoyed.
"It's like, two in the morning," Luke states. "You can't go home."
"I can, and I will." I pack up the small amount of things I had brought here.
"El, come on," I hear Ashton say. "We're sorry, yeah?"
"No, you're not! You're not, Ashton! You never are. You don't even know what you're sorry about, because you just don't care!" The words come out before I can stop them.
"God, can everyone just take a chill pill?" Michael groans. "Do you guys not react well on weed or-"
Ashton's standing now, and he can barely even walk. He's pathetic to look at. He's trying to smile at me, but this time I won't let that get to me. "El, just calm down okay?"
He reaches out to me and I shrug myself away. "Stop!" I cry. "Just stop!"
"This girl is batshit crazy-"
"Shut the fuck up, Luke!" I scream.
He shuts the fuck up.
"Woah."
I'm just so mad all of a sudden, just looking at them all. So much so that I can't be in the same room as them anymore. I shake my head, as if shaking out my thoughts. What losers. What absolute losers. "I'm going home," I snap, before rushing out the door and slamming it behind me.
I'm so focused on my own thoughts in my head that I almost trip over Calum, who's just sitting down by the door. I almost get mad at that, but I don't. Because it's Calum.
"Ella?"
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I was tired, very tired, and my throat still hurt from that poison. And my head hurt, it hurt a whole damn lot. I couldn't stop thinking, and feeling. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. Because my home was no longer available. That made me sad so I stopped thinking about it.
"Hi, Calum." I stay standing beside him, looking ahead into the darkness that's looming. I couldn't just stay here, but I couldn't exactly start off into the unknown. I had no idea where I was going, and it was freezing cold. Not to mention pitch black out.
"You okay?" He seems worried. But he always seems worried. That was kind of annoying.
"Are you?" I divert the question.
He sighs, leaning back against the brick wall. He sighs a lot, I've come to find. "I'm kind of stoned."
I roll my eyes. "So are the others."
"They're jerks. They're such jerks."
"Why do you hang out with them?" I ask, a little bit icily.
He glances up at me, eyebrows knitting together. "Because they're my friends?"
I sigh, rolling my eyes. I was officially done. I start walking.
"Hey, Ella! Wait!"
I keep walking. Holy fuck was it cold.
"Ella!"
Keep walking, keep walking. Did we come left or right? Is that a dead dog on the side of the road?
"El!"
I freeze. Wait a second.
I don't move, just stand like a statue. Waiting. I hear him speak again.
"You are one crazy son of a bitch, you know that?"
I spin around at that. Ashton stands about a metre or so away from me, Calum's nowhere to be seen. He must have gone back inside. What is Ashton even doing out here? I hug my arms to my chest to try and close in some warmth. "What the hell are you doing?" I question.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I told you, I'm going home."
"You don't have a home."
"Oh, thanks. Thanks for the reminder. Look, why don't you just go back inside and get fucked up with your loser mates and leave me the hell alone."
"I don't know what happened in your life for you to be so sour all the time, but it's getting old."
I look at him and through the darkness I think I can see him clearly, his golden skin, his bright teeth. He is the most attractive boy I have ever seen and you have no idea how much that pains me.
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's you that has all the problems, and not everyone else?" I cry.
He looks taken aback. "You're saying you're perfect?"
I clench my jaw. "No."
"Because I would have to disagree."
"I said no, damnit."
"Like, really disagree. You're rather flawed," he continues.
I grit my teeth. "God, you're such an asshole."
He laughs. Laughs. "I'm kidding! Hey, El, would you just stop for a minute? I'm just kidding!"
"Nobody finds your jokes funny, Ashton," I spit.
He pouts. "I do."
"I rest my case." I give a sarcastic smile and turn around, ready to head off again.
"You can't go home," he speaks up again. "It's too dark out."
"So?"
He hesitates. "So, I don't want something to happen to you."
"Oh, like you care."
"Can you stop being such a bitch for one damn second and let me be worried about you?" He cries, words coming out in a tangled mess. I turn back around and look at him, eyebrow raised.
"I-I don't want you to be alone out there at this time of night," he continues. "So can you please just come back inside?"
I eye him carefully, waiting for the punchline, the kick in the guts. But it never comes. My bones start to relax. I'm cold, I'm about to die from frostbite. There's no other option but to follow him inside.
I don't say anything, he doesn't say anything, the boys don't say anything once I'm back inside. Calum doesn't say anything from his spot on the couch, joint in his hand.
And that's that.
----
"Okay, okay, okay. You're on a deserted island, and you can only take one person. Who's your pick?"
Luke looks around at all of us as we sit in a circle on the floor. I'm sitting next to Calum, us both leaning against the back of the TV unit. He has a beer in his hand, and his knee is resting against mine. Ashton sits opposite us, next to Luke as leans against the couch; legs up, arms resting. His typical position. He keeps glancing over at me. Michael sits off to the side, lying down again. If it wasn't for his incessant humming, I'd think he was dead.
"Celebrities, or people we know?" Ashton questions.
Luke hesitates. "People you know."
"Well, what exactly does that infer? Is it friends? Friends of friends?"
"Jesus, Ashton. You serious right now?"
"I'm just saying, you need to not be so damn vague."
"Fine. Anyone you know. Your mother, your grandfather's cat's neighbour. Does that help, Princess?"
Ashton just flips Luke off. "Let me think."
"I'd take my mum," Michael says.
"Oh cool, Michael," Luke replies.
"What?" He huffs. "She can cook."
"You're on a fucking deserted island," Luke retorts. "What the hell can you cook?"
"Okay, smartass. Who would you bring?"
Luke hesitates. "Stacy Hawkins."
"Who?"
"That girl in your Chemistry?"
"Yeah, man. She's pretty hot."
"You would bring the 'pretty hot' girl in your Chemistry class with you on a deserted island?"
"Well, why not?"
"Jesus, fuck, Luke."
"Okay, Ashton, who would you bring?"
"That's easy. I'd bring El."
My heart drops in my chest and all eyes fly to Ashton, mine especially. I was not expecting that. "W-What?"
"Well, she'd certainly be entertaining." Ashton smirks at me.
I flip him off, but feel my cheeks begin to redden.
"How about you, Ella?" Luke asks me.
I thought the question was absolutely stupid, but I pretend to actually think about my answer and all. "Um, I don't know. I guess my friend Chloe?" The answer was bullshit, because she was no longer my friend. But then again, this game was bullshit. This entire night was bullshit.
"Who?" Luke asks, as if he should know her.
"Chloe. She's back in L.A."
"Is she, like, your BFFL?" Michael asks.
I roll my eyes. "No."
"Then why would you take her on a deserted island?" Luke asks.
"Fuck up, Luke. You're taking Stacy Hawkings."
"Hawkins," Luke corrects. "And I have a good reason."
"To fuck her until you both die of starvation?"
"Precisely."
"Well, what's your reason, El?" Ashton asks me.
I shrug. I hadn't thought that far. "I guess because I'd just have someone to talk to."
"You can talk to Hitler," Michael speaks up.
"Well, no. You can't," Luke interrupts. "Because he's dead."
"It was a fucking joke, Luke. Why would you bring Hitler with you to a deserted island? Are you out of your fucking mind?"
"Well what a stupid joke, Michael."
"When you two bitches have stopped fighting, can we continue?" Ashton cuts in.
Michael and Luke shut up.
"I'd probably take my sister," Calum says, taking a swig from his bottle. "Because she does karate."
"Why would you need karate on a deserted island?"
"Duh, to chop down the coconut trees."
The boys silence, thinking it over. And I suddenly burst out laughing. I don't even intend to do it, I just do. And once I do, I can't stop. I roll over, clutching my side. The boys just look at me like I'm an alien, but I can't control myself. Coconut trees!
"Um, Ella?" Calum asks as I lean over him, crying with laughter.
"Is she high?" Michael asks.
"Is she okay?" Luke asks.
"What's so funny?" Ashton asks.
"I can't ... I can't." I choke back my tears, my laughter erupting around the entire room. My chest is beginning to hurt, my lungs about to collapse. "Stacy Hawkins!"
Suddenly, Calum starts laughing. He laughs hard, and loud. And then Ashton joins in. And Luke. And eventually, Michael. And we all just sit there, leaning over each other, kicking up our legs, clutching our sides; laughing. Just laughing. I don't even know what we're laughing at, but we're all laughing at something. Something really fucking funny. I can't breathe, no one can breathe. We're all spluttering and coughing and groaning in pain. And we just laugh and laugh and laugh.
And that there, in that very moment, is the first moment I've felt at home since I've been here.
-----
"No, I'm serious! Troy Lewis is an absolute tool! If I could throw one person off the face of the earth, I'd pick him."
"No, I totally agree. Man, I hate that guy."
We all watch as Michael and Calum rant on about this Troy Lewis guy. Ashton and Luke don't seem to know what they're talking about, because they're watching the scene with just as much confusion as I am.
"Wait," Luke speaks up. "Who's Troy Lewis?"
"You don't know him?" Calum asks. "He's the one that went out with Olivia Pearl for, like, two years."
"They just broke up," Michael adds. "Apparently he was cheating on her for a decent amount of those two years."
"Oh, yeah. I know Troy!" Ashton perks up, grinning. "Good lad."
Calum just rolls his eyes in disgust. "He's an asshole."
Ashton shrugs. "He's good to party with."
Michael and Calum suddenly burst out laughing, looking at one another with amusement in their eyes. We just sit there, watching them. It's about 4am now.
"Oh, god," Michael says. "Do you remember?"
"I do," Calum says. "You keen?"
"What? No way!"
"What the hell are you girls babbling on about?" Luke asks, getting frustrated.
Calum and Michael won't stop looking at each other, sloppy grins on their awake faces. "I'm keen," Calum says. "You keen?"
"I'm keen if you're keen," Michael replies.
"You wanna?"
"Alright. Let's do it."
"What the hell is going on," Luke snaps.
Calum clears his throat. "Michael and I would like to perform something to you."
Michael bursts into laughter again.
"What?" Luke made me laugh with how angry he was all the time.
The two laughing punk boys stand up and Michael goes to grab his own guitar. I shuffle around to sit beside Ashton to get off the 'stage'.
"Okay, about a year ago," Calum begins, as Michael puts his guitar on over his arm, "Michael and I wrote a song." He clears his throat. "About Troy Lewis."
"Woah," Luke cries. "No way, I'm not listening to any of this gay shit."
"It's not a love song, dumbass," Michael says. "It's about him at parties. Ashton, I'm sure you will be able to relate to this."
"Who the hell writes a song about another guy?" Ashton cries. "That's so weird."
"It's funny," Michael assures. "You'll like it."
"Okay, you ready?" Calum asks Michael.
Michael looks like a little kid, giggling away. "Are you?"
"I'm ready if you're ready."
"I'm ready-"
"We're all ready!" Luke cries. "Just hurry the fuck up!"
Calum clears his throat again. "Okay. Okay, okay. This is a song about how much of a tool Troy Lewis is. Enjoy."
Michael starts strumming some beat and then Calum winks at him and then us, and starts prancing around the room like a madman.
"Pretty girl what's your name, what's your number? " He does this fake smile to somehow resemble Troy. "I got the keys to my dad's yellow hummer. There's a party, you can come if you wanna go. Tonight. Alright. I'll see ya later."
He then acts out this douchey walk and gives Michael some hand slap high five thing. The two start singing. "Rocked up late, took a minute, but I found my mates. She was there, acting cool. So I made her wait." Calum does this hip thrust and runs his hands through his hair. We all double over in laughter. "Wasn't long, couple songs, till I headed her way, to say ..." Calum turns and points at me. "Damn," he says. "You look amazing."
"Last night was a blur," the boys continue, Calum continuing to prance around like an idiot. "Woke up lying next to her. Last night made a mess, doesn't get better than this. Phone ring from the bar, 25 texts and a call from mum. Must have been good 'cause I .... can't remember."
Calum does more hip thrusting, and 'cool' movements, and Luke, Ashton and I are struggling to breathe this is all so funny.
Calum jumps, then turns to face us, waving his arm like he's in some boyband. "Retraced my steps, searched my phone tryna figure out who posted pictures of me streaking past the neighbours house." He puts his finger to his lips, acting puzzled. "If my boss sees my status he'll be freaking out. But I don't care." Calum does this elaborate shrug. "Oh well, deal with it later."
"Last night was a blur, woke up lying next to her. Last night made a mess, doesn't get better than this. Phone ring from the bar, 25 texts and a call from mum. It must have been good 'cause I ... can't remember."
Calum gets so into his acting that he pulls off his shirt, whirling it around his head. At this, I almost die of laughter. He has a very nice body though, so I don't complain.
Michael acts all stumbly, wiping his brow and putting on a hazy look. "Bro," he says in this slow drunken slur. "Where's your shirt?"
Calum looks down at himself. "Oh shit." He mimics Michael's drunken state. "What the hell happened last night?" Then he clutches his head. "I've got the biggest headache," he says in his heavy Australian accent.
"Yeah," Michael whines. "I want aspirin, my head is killing me." Then he looks at Calum, pretending to scratch his head in thought. "Who was that girl from last night anyway?"
Then Calum grabs his beer bottle and holds it to his lips as a microphone. "Pretty girl I got your name, got your number," he starts to sing in a slow, angelic voice. "I've lost the keys to my dad's yellow hummer. Can't remember how I did it, but I got her and now she's mine." He smiles at me. "Damn, she's so amazing."
They both erupt into the final chorus, dancing around like crazy. Calum gets really into his harmonising, straining his voice with each note. And when they finish the song I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life.
Calum takes a mock bow before putting his shirt back on, and Michael just leans against the wall laughing like mad.
Luke, Ashton and I erupt into applause.
"That was brilliant," Luke cries.
"Thank you, thank you," Calum replies.
"We are so playing that at our next gig." Ashton says through his laughter.
Calum sits down beside me, slightly out of breath due to all his movements. "Did you like it?" He grins.
"It was hilarious," I reply. "I feel like I know exactly who Troy Lewis is now."
"Yes!" He cheers, and I just laugh again.
I look around at the boys, watching them laughing away and joking with one another. They all look really happy, which is weird because earlier tonight they weren't. But I guess they always are, because I guess I just don't know. They're probably the closest lot of friends I've ever encountered. And really, I decide right then and there, if I could be friends with them then I hands down would.
"Ella!" Luke cries, waving me over. "Come listen to this!"
Calum reaches out and pulls my arm. pulling me into him. I join the circle, listening in on what the boys are talking about. They're talking about ways to sabotage Troy Lewis, and I really like it. I like it all.
I smile and join the conversation.
aw this chapter was cute goodbye