A hand threaded through my hair, lips tracing my cheek as an apology greeted my ear. The familiar voice and the familiar warmth made my nerves relax as I snuggled into him.
His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, the soft material of his shirt rubbed against my nose as he sighed while burying his head into the crook of my neck.
"Have you eaten?"
I shook my head in response, ready to doze back into Lala land but he kept me awake with slow and soft administrations of affection from him. When his lips connected with my neck, I jolted out of sleep and right into a panic attack.
Severus pulled back with clear worry in his eyes as I became a sobbing mess. Curling up into a corner of the room, I ducked my head and hiccuped as the tears rained down my face.
He tried to step forward, towards me but when he realized that it sent me into a frenzy, he stopped and cussed under his breath.
"Adira, Love, let me help you."
I shook my head without meeting his eyes through my half lidded and puffy ones.
"You can't."
He looked surprised for a moment before releasing a sigh. I watched as he lowered himself onto the floor and sat cross legged on the rug. His back pressed against the bed as his eyes watched me. Waiting for me to will him closer.
I simply rolled into myself even more and continued to cry. Feeling what had happened all over again as if I was reliving it. The worst part was that I watched it over and over again and each time, my brain conjured up what could've happened had Edward not walked in.
It sent chills through my body and made me cry even harder, when I realized that without Severus around I was in so much danger. I was utterly weak and defenseless and the only reason his men had not tried to take advantage of me was because they were his men.
But even after realizing all of that, I could only replay the whole ordeal inside my mind and internally scream as I watched myself struggle. I felt his hand that pinned me down, his other hand that had started to wander and his lips that had touched my skin.
I felt utterly disturbed each time and it helped brew the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability even more. I needed Severus with me but I was ashamed of telling him what happened. I feared that if he knew that another man had touched me, he wouldn't like me anymore.
They were my own fears and doubts that tried to push me away from him. They stomped down on my reasoning and logic and tried to block out anyone who tried to help. Even the man who had been trying to bring food, left it outside and came to check on me often. That was the only time I even let out a sound which wasn't a sob or a wail.
I had taken a shower yesterday, but Instead of standing I tried to scrub my body raw of any traces that man could've left. Trying desperately to erase his touch and his voice from my head but when all of that failed. I sat under the shower, for hours, my head lowered to the ground as I breathed numbly.
Feeling absolutely done with everything. The smallest of actions made breathing a hard task. Every time the doorknob would jiggle while I was awake. I would start hyperventilating, imagining him returning to finish what he had started.
I didn't want to be alone, no matter how far I locked myself away and for how long I did, I didn't want to be left alone. It was so much scarier alone, so much worse than before. My senses were heightened when I was alone especially in the dark.
I peeked through my arms and found Severus still seated on the ground, his eyes locked with mine and he smiled. The small act encouraged me, and I hiccuped before unwinding from myself and slowly crawling over to him.
He settled me against him in his lap. Arms wrapped around me and his forehead pressed against mine.
"S-Sev~"
My sentence got cut off as I hiccuped again. He shushed me calmly, his hands resting on my cheeks as he whispered gently.
"I know love, I'm sorry."
carefully pulling me impossibly more closer, he settled me under his chin. We sat in silence for a while, which made me cry even more as he tried to calm me down.
"But Sev-y, he tried to touch me."
I hiccuped again before burying my head deeper into his neck in shame. He stiffened in response, his hands stopping in the air. They formed fists before coming to rest at my back.
"Edward informed me of that."
"Don't leave me alone a-gain."
He shook his head in response and kissed my head.
"I won't."
A deep promise lay within his voice as he spoke up. Dark enough to send a buff man running for the hills and assuring enough to lull me to sleep.
____________________________
Severus had made sure that I ate before he left to get some papers from his office after assuring me that he would be quick to return. Reluctantly, I let him go and sat behind the closed but unlocked door, in alert. Even though him being here helped me, I still couldn't remove the incident from my mind.
The emotions, the weakness, the mental scar. Everything was there and another wound was inflicted onto my mind whenever I reminded myself of that incident. Especially when I was alone.
I walked into the washroom, the fear far too great for me to continue sitting on the bed. I closed the door behind myself and walked over the the empty cubicle.
Situating myself under the handle, I sat against the wall. The cool temperature doing some good in easing my heart. My eyes remained glued to the ground as my mind blanked from reality. For a moment, I floated in peace and tranquility.
Everything around me disappeared along with the shadows of doubts in my mind. It was quiet but I didn't feel frightened, instead I felt like I could remain there forever. That thought remained as I lost myself in the depths of my mind only jumping out of it when the washroom door slammed open.
It banged against the wall, abruptly drawing my attention and fear towards itself. Severus stood by the door, the panic in his eyes quite evident. But it disappeared when our eyes met, he released a sigh and motioned me closer.
I followed and stood up shakily stumbling over to him. He picked me up and strode out of there, locking the door behind himself.
He laid me down in the middle of the bed, confusing me as he disappeared from sight. I was about to get up to reach for him, but he beat me to it.
Slowly lowering himself so our noses brushed against the others.
His breath tickled my lips as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I watched, maybe like a creep, but a confused creep, searching his face for any sign that could give away the turmoil in his head.
Instead of speaking up though, I remained quiet. Letting him breath out against me and relax, when his breathing evened out. I was greeted by those silver eyes. We remained locked together for a while, lost in each other's gaze.
It was then that he spoke up. Voice heavy and strained.
"You said he touched you?"
I looked away in shame but managed a subtle nod. Guilt and the lack of self confidence flooded me. I felt disturbed and disgusted with myself. Just the fact that another man could gain pleasure from my body, was a slap back to another reality. One that reminds a girl how unsafe she's, no matter where she is.
"Look at me love."
I sniffled and shook my head, fisting his shirt in my hands. He tilted my chin towards himself and kissed my nose.
"Where did he touch you?"
Tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes as he smiled calmly.
It took a moment but slowly, his sincere look had me peeking out from my shell and pointing towards my wrists.
I trailed a finger against the joint and he captured both my hands to litter kisses on them. I pointed towards my ear, then my cheek and jaw. His hands slowly wandered over the flesh I pointed at. Easing my senses as he pressed gentle kisses on them.
Enticing a moan from me when he sucked on the area below my ear. I pointed a finger towards my neck- the place burned up with shame- but the feeling was short lived as he kissed his way down to my collarbone, nibbling, sucking, biting, soothing.
Drawing one sound after the other from my lips before littering kisses on my chin and slowly drawing himself closer to my lips.
I reached up and cupped his cheek, he tilted his head to the side curiously as I slowly began pulling him down. He obliged, smiling against my lips as he realized my intentions.
A soft passionate kiss followed. One that held a thousand feelings and relayed them perfectly.
The night was a steamy and passionate one, filled with several whispered words and secret feelings. Soft caresses and loving kisses, Severus truly managed to replace any and every memory of his fathers actions from my mind.
He replaced them with more valuable ones, ones that I knew I would forever cherish. And I would always remember the night I lost my virtue as the best night I had ever had since I joined this scornful and demeaning world.