After a detailed juggling through the kitchen she had finally prepared a coffee and a butter toast. She was a good cook and the heavens could bet on it, but the way she was lazy, only God could make her cook.She held a tray and walked into the room they had slept ta night. The blinds at the windows did not allow any light to enter and Sidharth took itbfor night.His bare upper body was crushing on the matress and his face squished into the pillow, while he slept face down on the bed.His messed up hair ,arms that had pulled the pillows closer and the fingers tightly clutching onto the sheets, did something to her.She had never woken up such a visual.Involuntarily her lower lip curled inward over her teeth and she sucked it along.Placing the tray at the table she walked upto him, bending down, her hands on their own behest moving towards his hair.The urge to touch those, patt his head lovingly while he slept, lokking at his face while he was so vulnerable and so unaware felt so intimate to her. Her long, but lean fingers were inches apart from his hair,when his leg made a slight movement and she stepped back. It was quick and she felt herself hit the wall.
He smiled feeling her move back.He didn't open his eyes, but whispered in a heavy voice," You shouldn't shy away from showing love. " He didn't open his eyes and extended his hand asking for her hand.She held his hand and moved towards him, " Love can't hurt you. Its not a thorn.When you have so much love inside you,you shouldn't hide it, Sana. Its safe, safe to feel and safe to express!" He whispered palcing her fingers into his hair and gently pressing over those fingers.She looked at him, eyes closed looking serene.He was perfect. She felt happiness rise in her system, she placed her hands below his head lifting it to her lap. Smiling she bent over his face, placing a kiss at his forehead.
"Good morning!", they spoke in unison, as she planted her lips over his skin.His eyes opened to the scene, the morning was not only good but beautiful. She looked as fresh as flower and as tempting as fire.How so dearly he wanted to open his eyes to her face.
He felt warmth fill his insides and in an instant he closed his eyes, a sheepish blush threatening to creep over his face.In a reflex he held his tongue between the cannies and bit, while shutting his eyes tight.Shehnaaz moved her fingers to the side of his cheeks, brushing of the little stubble that there was.
"You smoke a lot Sidharth!", she ssaid looking at the pigmented lips, brown in color, while.her fingers involuntarily moved closer to those, feeling with the touch of hand, the same petals she used to feel in between her lips.
"I do.", he agreed, getting hold of her hand and then planting a kiss at her fingers.
The moment their eyes met, Shehnaaz moved hers away, in an instant.She felt jitters, not of love, but of fear.The conditioning that she couldn't have all that he was making her feel.Sidhatrth saw that, not only what she did but also what she felt.
"What is it, Sana? Aisa kya hai that holds you back? Tune mujhe yaha aisa dekha you felt love, isko jataane me kyu darti hai? What is that stops you from being happy?" He spoke getting up from her lap.
He stretched his hand and picked up the cup of coffee she gad prepared.He wanted to try, to understand, but she was being difficult. Sidharth was the youngest in his family. His mother's soul, his dad's heart beat and his sister's little child,he had always been showered with immense love, his tantrums not only given inti but also encouraged..His life had been lineant enough to let him his share to mischief, and yet he was the most loved. Shehnaaz's life on the contrary had been different. She was the eldest daughter, had been deprived what a lot would call a basic childhood, she has been forced to grow up.way to earlier and instead of being spoilt ,she had all.life long harvested the ruins of what others had done to her.But Sidharth did not know this, or even if he had known this, he wouldn't have understood, since he did not live.
"Aaj breakfast bna k khila rahi h, kya baat hai?", he said. She kept looking at him,the way he didn't even wait for her to answer.She knew she would successfully loose him too.But losing him was easier than losing herself.
"Yeah, I was hungry....", she answered, ignoring his previous question. Just like a mutual agreement where you agree to avoid anything that causes temporary itchiness. It was this moment when her phone rang.Sidharth picked up the phone from the corner of the pillow and passed it to her noticing that it was her mother.The moment he passed her the phone, his eyes went yo her, absorbing every detail of her reaction.The hesitantation in answering the call, the silence before initial hello, the forced,pushed through smile that followed the hello .Ji and hanji were the only two words she said during the entire talk that lasted a mere thirty seconds.He observed how she let go a sigh when the call ended, how her mind tried countering something, and then another part of it convinced her otherwise and she agreed, doing exactly what she had been doing, like a duty.
"Do you think we can go back to Mumbai by evening?"she aksed walking back to him, sitting on the bed.
"Ha ja sakte hai, if its something important, of course we can go. All okay na?"
"Hmm...mumma aa re hai. She's got some meeting for some supply orders, she wants me to accompany. Apparently I am a grown up woman and this is my responsibility to learn!"
It was almost afternoon the sky was barely visible,the misty and sunny sky of the western ghats was a breath taking site.They had traveled higher up the hill and walked back about half an hour before. She was so tired she felt it in both her body and soul.His hands encircled her waist, moving soflty over the skin of her abdomen.She was lazily lying with her back held against his abdomen, while he rested along bed rest.
"Sidharth hum kab chalege idr se?", she spoke.The same question had been repeated at least fifth time in last half an hour. She does not belong to you. His mothers words started ringing in his ears.She had warned him, tried talking sense into him, but he hadn't listened and now it had begun to start hurting.Was she scared of her family? Who were they to her?
"Shehnaaz, ek sawal ka sacchi jawaab degi?",he asked
She heard him, but didn't answer. Promises could not be made without the naked truth.
"Why don't you talk to yiur family? I mean the way you talk to them seems very strange? Gussa hai kya unse? Did they let you down in some way?" He asked carefully crafted question.He hoped this wouldn't push her away.
Anger she thought. Was it that? Was she angry at them., and then chuckled as both kept staring at a distant infinity while she held his hand while it brushed the underside of her breast.
"No,Siddharth I am not angry at them. I just don't know how to be their daughter, I swear I am trying but nahi hota.Gussa nahi hu, pehle thi.When I was a kid ya fir bhot recently tak bhi, but abhi nahi. Abhi all i feel is sadness. I understand them, abhi I understand why they reacted the way they did. I understand that did what was easier for me. Pta I was their favorite till Naanu went away, but uske jaane k baad, I guess they couldn't stop mourning. Tab I was angry but abhi jab i try to put myself in their place and see how cruel the world is,I see why did what they did. They could have broken me, but see breaking me was less apt ful than burning me.And they probably saved me from being burned.
"Naanu? Your ...?"
"Sister, Nirmal.", taking her name. "Saanu and naanu.Pta hai she wasn't even three when she died.", she spoke turning on her abdomen, facing him as he too slipped down to match her level. This was her story and even if she gave him a glimpse, it was still a progress.
"Kya hua tha? She died in an accident?"
"Jis haadse me woh mari na Sidharth, us hi haadse me sab mar gye.Log bhi, rishte bhi, sapne bhi.", she spoke looking at him, yet her eyes could not see him, they were seeing a distant past, a night that had been engulfed in darkness. He could see that, maybe she too had been lost the same night. Maybe not only others, but Shehnaaz too gad died the same night.
"Papa ki hoya? ", she spoke just as her dad heard the call.He looked back at her and just stared, his eyes turned watery, the tears threatening to fall. For a few minutes he didn't register. She was sitting on the edge of the sofa, the mohair velvet shining in its peak against the bright luxury that shone in the lights that decked up the hall.And then the rage started filling his heart, she was the one who had brought it all, the doom.The reciever of the landline fell from his hand, as he marched towards her.
"Abba!", she spoke, moving back trying to protect herself, but he held her.His hand making a violent strike against her face, the fingers striking so sharply,she felt needles pinned into her.She was his favorite, a favorite she had failed to abide by.
"Ki hoya papa." She managed to speak, just as she felt her heart sink.He held her by her hair, and pulled. The long thick luxurious strands, broke into tiny little pieces.
"Papa chhado"( dad leave!) She spoke as he dragged her up the staircase, her hands clutched everything that came into the way,as she tried resisting his force.
"Tenu Kehya si na ! But you didn't listen !" He spoke.
It had been two days since she had been imprisoned in her room, with no contact to the outside. Not a single person had opened the door, or even offered her the water.She had cried and slept, slept and cried thinking of what had happened.
"Mala did!", she spoke looking up as the maid opened the door.The moment she saw the woman,Shehnaaz rose up and ran to her, alomst tripping as she hit her foot by the side of a table.
"Didi..", she cried, as the maid held her in arms, tears rolling down her eyes.
"Amma, abba?", she questioned, hidden in her arms.
"Aap neeche aajao, kuch kha lo." The maid replied.
"Saare kaha hai?" Shehnaaz asked back.
"Nirmal, dadu?"
The maid shook her head in denial. "Nahi hai, koi bhi nahi hai!"
"Nahhi hai?"
"Dr saab aaj subah nahi rahe.Gudiya aur robbie bhi nahi rahe, unko antim sanskaar k liye tyaar karna hai.,aap kapde badal lo, log aa rahe honge!"
The maid spoke obeying the orders that had been given.
Appearances were so freaking important. She thought. The family had lost the grounds it stood on,and all everyone cared so much about was appearances. The aim to make everything look so good, so perfect and important was so strong that amidst a storm, the family still cared about what appeared what to people. She smiled, a smile of anguish and loss.
Sidharth looked at her,smiling like that, looking ouside the window of the car, lost somewhere.
"Kya soch rahi hai?", he asked.
"Why does your family dislike me so much?",she questioned. Her eyes looking at the crop that had been terrace farmed on the sloping plateaus of the western ghats. Weren't all humans just protecting their appearences.
His brain registered the words,he slowed down the car a little. Her head was indeed a messy and fucked up place.
"Sana they don't ", he replied. "But they don't like you. ".He stopped the carul under the canopy of a tree along the side of the road.She turned to him, not expecting him to answer.
"Shehnaaz, my mom does not come from any aristocracy. She's a daughter of an ordinary employee, woh bhi core Allahbad se.Dad bhi wahi se hai, his dad had started with an initial business, but that could not propagate in Ahmedabad.So he along with mom shifted to Mumbai.Things changed, he made gully ways, we became a four thousands crore asset, but we lost mom. Dad jaise jaise life me aage gye, mom unko kam lagne lagi.He met new people, women.He never said a word to mom, but slowly she started evaporating. Her existence started to diminish..."
She kept looking at him, as he spoke that."Uske baad mom, kho gyi Sana." He added.It was strange how each one of them had been victims to their time and destiny.
"Mai? I represent the kind of woman,she lost her husband to?"
He reclined the seat of his car and spoke "Nahi Shehnaaz you dont represent that, you represent the woman she lost herself to. Baat sirf dad ki hoti, toh mom mil jaati, but it was hers. Jo kuch hua us me mom lost herself. Aaj when she sees you, she sees dad, beautiful and yet free."
He spoke. His eyes looking ahead on the road.The road that would take them nowhere. His eyes didn't have the ability to face her, he was looking at the roads that had lead them here.
"Hum San kitne ek jaise hai!", she spoke looking at him.His face didn't reveal any kind of pain, his eyes emotionless. The way he behaved so normally, nobody could guess the turbulence he held within his core.
"You have dated a lot of women? Haina.", she aksed.Maybe it wasn't just his mother, but also him who had lived the aftereffects of what had happened to his family.
He chuckled at her sudden question.
"Kyu jealous ho rahi h?
"Sidharth you want a family, a wife, children, but you have never had any serious relationships. I have seen you lie to them.I have seen you over step the boundaries of relationships. What are you scared of being? Your dad or your mom?"
Taking a drag of smoke, he turned back looking at her.She was wearing a plain grey t shirt and a blue baggy jeans, with bathroom slippers.Her hair tied into a messy high bun.Her eyes looking intently into his eyes, reading him as she leaned against the bonnet of the çar
"Chal get into the car!", he spoke throwing away the cigarette, not bothering to answer her question. What would he have answered, did he know the answer.
"Yeah, i am sorry!", she spoke nodding her head in approval." We are alraedy late!", she spoke getting into the car.
He drove into the residential colony that housed her building,stopping at the main gate for security check , a usual one.The number plate was scanned and the car was let in after the guard saw Shehnaaz.
"F 31",she referred to the address as the gurad noted down the address with number plate.
"Free hoke btana."he spoke just as they were approaching the building.
"Yrr bas mom k aane se pehle pohnch jau."
His eyes flew to her face.He understood that she didn't want her family to see him. Maybe they would have objections to his presence too.
"Fuck!", she spoke seeing the woman standing at the entrance of the building she lived in .She was still far away but he understood it was her mother."Sidharth stop the car, drop me here!" She spoke, her face turning pale.
"She was supposed to be here at 8."
Sidharth looked at her, however he didn't slow down.As the car approached the door, the image of the woman got clearer. She was a tall ,lean figure, wearing a salwar kameez with a dupatta. The look on her face was keen, intent ful." I am not twenty five anymore. I cannot be dropping girls off at balconys.", he spoke stopping the car at the main door.
"Keep sitting!", he ordered just as she was about to step out.
He stepped ouside and moved to her side of the car, opening the door.Shehnaaz stepped out looking at him and then her mother.For a second she forgot to breathe.
"Hello Mrs Gill!", he spoke looking at her mother.His words and body language held held the confidence. He was doing no wrong.
"Dr Gill.", she replied, looking at her daughter and then passing a glance at him.The first man, she had spotted around Shehnaaz.
"Mom!", Shehnaaz said looking at her mother . She didn't know what reply she awaited.
"Go upstairs and change into something appropriate, hum log already late hai.",the woman spoke, not changing an expression. She was a determined and strong headed woman, Sidharth noted.
"Amma he just came to drop.me."
"Hmm....now that you have dropped her, you can leave."
"Really Shehnaaz! Ki tamasha paya tu eithe?" ( what scene have you created.) Her mother spoke, shutting the door .
Shehnaaz looked at her and didn't answer.
"We are getting late. Chalo!" She answered back, not bothering to answer the question, moving ahead towards the door.Her body covered from top to bottom.
The way Shehnaaz spoke, irked her mother. She held her arm and strongly pulled her back.
"Amma chhado!"( mom leave)
"Pta uhnu tere baare chh! Tere hathha chh lage khoon da.( does he know of you, the blood in your hands!) She spoke looking into the eyes of her daughter.
"There is nothing to know. ", she separated herself away. Yelling.
"Galat Sana! Tu apne sach toh kive bachegi!"( wrong sana ! How would you escape your truth. ), the mother spoke pushing her away, as Shehnaaz fell to the sofa.
"What is his age. You won't stop with fondness for older men!", her mother spoke, gesturing her to.move downstairs.
Thanku for the love that you all have been giving.
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Love once again❣❣❣