Chapter 3:
My head was down, while I examined the pavement relentlessly. I couldn't ignore the pang in my chest as I relived Trey's earlier words. They projected through my mind thoroughly. The image continuously flashed of him with such concentration and devotion.
So, the minute the bell shrilled, I was out the door. I was going to the one place where I knew I would be safe, and just think. It was like a routine, I didn't even have to look to know where I was going.
I passed through the familiar meadow of flowers, automatically my body relaxed. The stress flowed out in a river method, with each step further more and more released. As my fingertips caressed the branches, it was as if it was sucking out all negativity.
The invincible feeling was back.
As I stepped out, the cliffs were in full view along with the steady lake it made the smile break out on my face. Setting myself down easily on the side of the boardwalk, I gradually pulled off my shoes. Testing the water with my toe, it was thankfully somewhat warm.
I giggled softly at the feel of the fish swimming around my feet, once in a while stopping and grasping air.
"I knew I would find you here," I didn't have to spare a glance to know who it was, his husky voice was enough. I said nothing in response, except continued to gaze into the crystal clear water, sparing the fish a look.
"Isn't it funny how when we think, it's always in our own special place," He pointed out, while easily setting himself next to me. His legs were bent in front of him, with his hands rested loosely on his knees.
"When I was little," he began in the middle of rubbing his nose with the corner of his thumb, "I used to come here with my sister. We used to go swimming, but we had to be straight back before dinner. If we didn't, there would be trouble, by trouble, I mean big trouble."
He was quiet so I thought he wouldn't be saying anymore, regardless, I stayed silent. I knew whatever it was that was coming, it was serious. Something a lot of people never knew about him, something deep to him. I pushed aside the slight pride that consumed my well-being. Anyone would be proud to grasp such personal information, it was a reassuring gesture.
"Lexis, used to be so scared." He recalled, in his deep train of thought. Gazing off into the distance, it was like I wasn't there, just as if he was telling himself. "He used to be so angry, furious. The veins would pop out noticeably in his neck, and his face would be laced in red."
"Even if we were three seconds late, it would mean consequences." He let out a strangled laugh, letting his head sway with no emotion. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I did best, stayed silent. I analysed every move, every breathe he dared. It was a habit, I had to know people. I longed to be able to understand the feelings of another person.
Only because I didn't understand my own, the inner voice shouted at me and it wasn't lying. I believed it, I knew that was the truth, but it killed me. It tore me apart that I knew I didn't know how I even felt myself.
"Some would be so extreme, the punishments, I mean." He told me, quickly glancing at me to gather a reaction, once he seen I had none, he continued. "A lot of times it would be a belt, or maybe a bottle. Except, when he got irritated with us, it would be a stick. I got it all, thankfully. She was so young it would break her. If I was there, I would do everything to stop her from enduring that pain."
I nodded in response, not really able to function what he was saying. I never expected anything that brutal. I said nothing just resumed to looking deep into the lake.
"That's my story," He finished off with a light chuckle, as if he went through nothing, just like it affected him in no way.
But I knew it did.
I played back and forth with my feet, smirking to myself. How did I get in this position with the famous Trey? What did I do to get Trey to trust me?
"What are you smirking at?" He asked me loudly, clearly curious as to what I was finding funny.
"It's weird how things turn out isn't it?"
"Extremely," he agreed.
* * *
I was only just after arriving home, when it started, it went from such a relaxing day to this, and I was furious.
"What are you doing home, you useless bitch?" My mother screamed at me, it made my blood boil. I wanted to scream and scream until I couldn't anymore. I did my very best to ignore her, screaming at me, she was drunk, it didn't matter. She didn't mean it. That's what I tried convincing myself of, but I knew deep down, she meant every word.
This time it wasn't Gary who was with her, this time it was a random person, just another random loser. He himself was tanked up in alcohol staggering along after her, he had a summer hat on, in winter, as to why I was still unsure. He was eye level with me, and he looked like he was full with something else too.
"Get out of my house," I flung my finger towards the front door, I was furious, unable to think straight with anger. My head was full with vicious thoughts they swarmed around me like I was food.
He started chuckling out of complete utter drunkenness, "I like you," he had said, "you're pretty." The look he gave me, made my insides explode with fury. It made my blood boil that he even gave me a good look over.
"Okay, now leave,"
My mother was stood directly behind him staring over his shoulder, seeing as my mother was a lot taller than him it wasn't hard. Her teeth were grinding against one another, and I knew she was starting to get immensely aggressive when drinking, but it still got my rage pounding.
"Sorry about this Aidan," She directed at the man in front of her, as if I was the disgrace there, did she not see that what she was doing, it was in no way a parent should behave.
I'm not sure what it was about that but it notched up my rage a level. It was as if she was saying I was the one in the wrong. Whatever inch of respect I had left for this woman it evaporated, just like that it was gone. I no longer viewed her as the guardian. I lived up to more responsibility than she was ever used to.
"I said get the fuck out of my house!" I bellowed at the unknown man who was standing in the hall of my house. My temper was after starting. Whatever bit of calmness was there, it was gone.
He seemed to gather that I was losing my patience, and grabbed his hoodie off the radiator. Carefully he began buttoning up his jeans, so obviously she was already after settling the deal. The echo of my front door slammed shut, and that was all that was playing in my ears.
Once he was out of sight she lost her cool, her fake nice façade. Her arms snapped up to my own, and she forcefully shoved me against the hall table. My spine collided with the back of the chair and it sent a shock right through my body.
"You little tramp, you have no use for no one. You are such a nuisance, you shouldn't have even been born," She didn't even give it five minutes to settle in, when she slapped me full force right across my cheek. To say I was stunned was an understatement.
I snapped.
For many reasons I snapped, one she had some man in my house, two she said so much hurtful things, three she shoved me against the table with intention of hurting me, four she just slapped me as if it was the most normal thing ever done.
I gathered every bit of strength I had, and shoved her back against the wall, "Fuck you, you are acting like a whore!" I screamed in reply, silently coaxing myself to keep it together.
I wanted to burst out crying I really did, but I knew I had to be strong. So instead I didn't, I unstably held myself together. Before, there was any reply from her I burst out through the door. Out, so I could endure new fresh air, soothe my lungs, release everything. My pants came out in short breaths, I was panicking, and I didn't know what I could do.
So, I did the only thing I thought of, I took off sprinting, sprinting to the only place I knew everything would be okay. Quicker than I could even imagine, I was there, helplessly banging on the front door.
When he pulled open the door, his hair was tossed with sleep, and his eyes were squinting out at me. He was only wearing his boxer shorts, and lazily he brought his hand up to scratch his head in complete confusion at the sight of me, "What are you doing here?"
"I need your help."
* * *
He scratched his head once again, not really understanding what I was doing on his door step. As I hyperventilated thinking that he wouldn't even help me, just like everyone else. The door swung full open, inviting me in, "Come in," He said while standing to the side.
I cautiously took a step in, glancing stiffly around, looking at everything, searching for something, anything. I could physically feel my shoulders hunch in anticipation. When I faced him, I found that he analysing me intently. He was looking at something specific. Subconsciously, I raised my palm to cover my right cheek, only then remembering the full force slap, I unwillingly endured.
His face gradually contorted into rage, which was clear by the way his eyebrows furrowed and his shoulders stiffened. His absentminded stretched his fingers, over and over again.
"Who slapped you?" He forcefully asked me, taking a long stride towards me.
Instead of answering, I nervously glanced around his hallway. My eyes darted in all angles of the room, anywhere but in his eyes. His hand loosely trailed up to my cheek, and gently rubbed it, carefully. I had no other choice but to stare directly at him, he was not going to let me off easily.
'You little tramp, you have no use for no one. You are such a nuisance you shouldn't have even been born,' the words echoed in my head, and I winced.
"Talk to me," he pleaded, even his eyes were portraying his desperate need to help me. I leaned into his comforting touch it partly relaxed my emotions which were on an uncomfortable high. They were so tossed, in a complete mess.
"There is nothing to talk about,"
I could physically see the frustration flare on his face, his nostrils expanded as he released a deep breath, I was annoying him. Good, I thought, annoyance I can handle, caring I can't. I couldn't even process my thoughts when he pulled on a sweat pants that was resting on the radiator next to him along with a jacket.
He took the driveway in long strides to his car which was parked directly outside his house, "Where are you going?" I shouted after him.
He didn't answer, just climbed into his jeep, that's when I knew I had no other choice but join him. My heart was racing with anxiety and my shoes padded against the pavement, as I panted loudly climbing into his jeep.
"Where are we going?" I asked him again, and once again I wasn't gifted with the honour of realising where we were going. His hands tightened around the steering wheel, and his hands were red with force. His teeth were tightly clenched, while he stared directly in front of him.
He turned his head so his beautifully lit hazel eyes were staring directly at me, only then did I realise we were at a red light. He gathered his right hand and softly stroked the cheek with the mark, and transferred his attention back to the road.
I couldn't help but notice the hitch of my breath when his hand came into contact with my cheek. My breath was stuck, and I desperately tried to ignore the tingling feeling of satisfaction he left me with. I felt cared for.
My relaxed body didn't last long when I noticed that he was turning down my street, then the panic began, "No, no, turn around, please don't," I profoundly begged, I was struggling to keep myself together, I couldn't do this, "Why, why are you doing this?"
"You won't tell me who is hurting you, so I'm going to find out myself."
I could feel the tears of frustration threatening to fall, but I stubbornly held them in check. The racing of my heart picked up immensely, and I could feel my whole body shake with anxiousness of the events that were about to follow, "Please turn back, please Trey."
At first I thought he would cave, the way his features softened at my pleading tone, but instead his stone face was back, "No can do Maggie, I'm going to find out who is hurting you." Just then he pulled into my driveway, and the palpitations became more intense.
Straight away, he climbed out of the jeep and stormed up to the front door. I jumped out after him and frantically followed behind him. The door was magnified in my vision it was as if it was the only thing that stayed in my vision. It made me nervous it twisted my insides with each further step towards the door.
I knew it was getting closer the oncoming events were nearer, just in a fraction of reach.
"Please stop, just please, don't go in." I profoundly begged, desperation engulfing every bit of pride I had left.
He turned his head down to face me directly, just for a moment he seemed to warm and feel some remorse for my obvious desperation, but just like that it was gone. He was also determined. The second his knuckles raised to come in contact with the door, my heart halted, the silence bounced around my ears, except for them clear two knocks.
They electrified.
Thankfully, there was no answer, none. I was thankful, until he pried the door wide open, and I for once looked in on the hostile place that I was obligated to call home, instead of looking out at the freedom, I was deprived of.
He didn't even question the decision to barge in the door, when my mother refrained from answering. The minute I caught a fraction of sound, I panicked, she was home. An alluring giggle echoed through the house, letting me know she wasn't alone.
The usual indolent walls looked somehow even less appealing than before. They just perceived the war that was about to break loose. It was a catastrophe. I tried gravely once more to less intrigue him by tugging numerous times on his arm once again it was no use. I was done, over.
His head slighted tilted towards the sound of my mother's playful giggles. As soon as he recognised it as a woman's voice, I could see he was piecing the puzzle together. He knew.
He silently grabbed my hand in his and gave me a deep sadness sigh. All I could do in response was hang my head in shame, now everyone would find out how much of a fuck up I am.
Now everyone will gift me with pure remorse, as if they could even reverse the events that were already after taking their course, no one could.
"Don't," I spat through my teeth, I didn't want his pity, I didn't want anything he had to offer, but he still did. I ripped my hand from his, slightly furious that he would actually ignore my requests and still invade in my privacy.
My life.
For a moment, genuine disappointed flashed across his features, until as fast as it was there it was gone. He didn't take long wavering on my obvious fury, as he resumed to finding my mother.
Before he had the chance to reach the sitting room, I barged through him shoving him forcefully out of the way, which provided me with a high definition view of what my mother was up to, with another new man.
"Oh no, oh god no," I hysterically begged quietly to myself, "not now."
I couldn't help it, I lost whatever fraction of nerves I had left and agilely whipped around and did my very best to try and shove him away from the doorway, but he wasn't moving.
I could feel every millimetre of his chest tense it vibrated the whole way through his body, his fists tightly bunched up as his shoulders took a defensive posture.
"You can't see this, you can't, leave please," I hysterically continued to beg, while gradually beginning to feel the wobbly quiver of my lips. He took hold of my hands that were still continuing to push at his chest, and softly intertwined them with his, to put some kind of halt to the unnatural shaking they were beginning to take on.
His bottomless hazel eyes stared down at me with such admiration it made me stop just to question what it was over. He was hunch down over me to stare me directly in the eye.
While he searched my eyes for something, he daintily leaned down and planted a gentle kiss to my forehead, while mumbling, "I'm here now, you're not in this alone." As soon as the words were out, his warmth was departed just while he shifted.
Turning around, I spotted him taking a step closer towards my mother and the man. His shoulders fully thrown out, given the impression he was willing to go to all extremes. To be honest looking at him, I was slightly fearful.
My mother only seemed to pull away from injecting the heroin, and only then noticed that there was a boy, no man, towering over her and the imbecile that was also there. Her pupils were so diluted that I was beginning to think her eyes were going to bounce out of her head.
The corners of her lips tilted upwards to form a smirk, "Is she going to be your slut for tonight?"
I knew that was a breaking point, so I did the first thing my instincts told me, "Come on, we will just go." I tugged at his arm, no use. He just shoved off my grip.
He said nothing, his only response was silence, but she continued.
"She is good for that, good just being a slut." It was a struggle to even remotely take her serious by the way she couldn't even see straight while making the point.
His jaw began trickling.
"She is worthless after all, good for nothing." She dug the hole, along with the laugh the imbecile left out. I wasn't going to lie and say I felt nothing, because I did. It's hurt a lot. I mean, I already knew it was true, but for your own mother to actually say it, hurt.
His fingers dug deep into his palms threatening for the blood to fall.
Her attention now turned to me as she directed the conversation now at me, "Oh baby, I'm sorry did that hurt? Do you want to take my friend here to help make it better?" Her unfocused eyes glanced at the man next to her, who was now taking his own shot of heroin. She provided him with a slanted smirk, which he more than happily returned.
His shoulders hunched over even more, if it was even possible.
"Because my friend would be more than likely be honoured to help you out, when your friend over here drops you, seriously." She told me with a huge grin, just like she loved this, she loved insulting her own daughter, it made her feel enormous.
I was just about to resort to giving it all back to her, letting her know how much of a piece of shit mother she has been, when Trey had already got there.
When I looked once again, the man was rolling along the floor clutching his nose which was pumping heaps of blood. Looking at Treys knuckles it was obvious what had just broke out.
I was shocked, shocked but in no way scared.
In fact he provided me with the complete opposite feelings. I knew that if he wasn't here, I would most likely be tossing on the floor with the mental pain that she has caused. But, instead the comforting hand that he had rested on the lower part of my back, relaxed me.
I was safe.
"You're so lucky my mother raised me to never lay my hand on a woman, so be thankful that instead your 'friend' got it. Get the fuck out of the house," He spoke firmly and formally, to them both, but directing the last part at the man who was crippling in pain on the floor.
As soon as he spat the words, the man was gone, as fast as that, gone.
"You're a disgrace of a mother," He finished and hauled me out the door.
I couldn't help the bubbly feeling in the pit of my stomach that someone for once, was on my side. Someone finally stood up for me. I didn't want to admit that I knew I was getting attached.
But I didn't care.
"We're going to the track."
* * * *
The familiarity of the blaring music came to meet us at the gate. The same man was on guard, without a pause he opened the gates, welcoming us in to the track.
The whole car ride was silent and I began playing with my fingers nervously, the tension was radiating off Trey like acid. His shoulders were hunched as he drove the jeep, in through the gates. His jaw was locked with anger, and he never once even turned to look at me.
I knew it would change, when he met my mother, I knew he would hate me. The feeling of sadness boiled in the pit of my stomach. He reversed the car, without a word, and roughly pulled up the hand brake. He shut off the engine and sat with his hands clenched tightly around the wheel.
I hesitantly glanced at him from the corner of my eye, to see him exhaling a deep breath. His heavy breathing took over the whole car it was the only sound that was echoing, besides the blaring music that bounced off the windows.
His head snapped so his hazel eyes were boring into mine, and in that moment my heart stopped. He was all I could see, all I cared about losing, only then I had realised that I was screwed. I never knew from the day I stopped him from jumping, I would become this attached. For once, I let myself. I let myself do something so reckless, and now I was going to pay for the silly mistake.
His jaw was clenched, while his hands were still tight around the steering wheel. I was expecting him to scream, to shout, to tell me to leave, tell me to never come back, but he said none of them.
Instead, he released his hands from the death grip and grasped my face delicately in his broad hands. Our faces were inches from each other, and my heart was pounding in my throat. He seemed to be staring in trying his best to gather was I was thinking. He searched my eyes, like it was the only thing he could do.
His eyelids fluttered shut, while he left out a deep breath. When the breath was completely left out, his eyes opened once again, and I couldn't miss the deep flecks of green going through the deep brown. His thumb began softly rubbing my cheekbone.
At that point, I knew I was gone. I knew I was after jumping head first off the cliff and deep into the unknown. It was dangerous, but also exhilarating. I finally felt like I found something worth jumping into, something worth caring about.
His eyes flicked down to my lips, then back to my eyes.
He was going to kiss me.
I couldn't deny the butterflies that erupted in the pit of my stomach, and up through my pulsing veins. His head was inching closer and closer, until there was only a fraction of space between our lips. I was gasping for him I thought the need for him would claw its way up my throat.
Except as usual, the moment was ruined. We heard a knocking on the driver side window, Trey let out a growl at the back of his throat, and turned to face the person. Darragh stood there peering in through the windows at us. He motioned for Trey to put down the window, which he done very reluctantly.
"You never told me you were coming to the track, tonight," He said with a slight confused tone to his sentence, "How we doing Maggie?" I nodded in acknowledgement.
Instead of answering Trey, shoved the door open and stormed off, not sparing another glance. He took off in the direction of the cars. Darragh and I both watched his retreating figure. When he was too far out of sight Darragh turned to peer at me, "What's after happening? Did I interrupt something?"
"You don't want to know," I told him as I carefully stepped down on the step and jumped to the ground because of the height of his jeep.
Just as I was about to walk away and make my getaway, he grasped my fragile wrist in his hand, very softly. As if he was well informed on his strength, he wouldn't hurt me.
"There are only two things that get him that mad," he said while looking in the direction where Trey was stomping off, "either when I piss him off, or when he sees something he doesn't like."
I sharply inhaled a breath at his accuracy he was directly on the spot. I analysed him in awe, at how much notice he took of his best friend, at how much he cared for his best friend.
When I went to turn away from him, again, for him to get a better grip on me his fingers went higher on my arm, which was the worst idea that I had ever done.
Because now, he could feel my burns, he could feel how the skin was all shrivelled up. Except, he didn't look at it, he didn't even try to look at it. Instead he kept his eyes boring into my face, but it wasn't as if he didn't feel them, I knew he did.
"We were just going to head to the party now, come on, and hop in. I'm just going to get Trey."
Just like that he said nothing, nothing about the burns. I was extremely grateful, now it wasn't something I felt like talking about.
* * * * * *
Looking up at the huge house, I was intimidated. I knew I was not welcome, but I couldn't stop myself thinking about what Trey had said to me. I only had one friend and that was Leigh, I never really interacted with anyone else. I didn't even know whose party it was.
'You better be there, it will be easier to tolerate if you're there,'
My stomach fluttered remembering the way, his eyes bore into mine intimately. And, I knew he meant every word. The house was huge, with electric gates, and everything else that basically screams money. Darragh and Trey had already gone in I told them I would follow. Trey obviously went very reluctantly by a tugging from Darragh.
I hesitantly walked in through the gates, shyly glancing at the people gathered on the grass, with beer cups in there hand. When they noticed me walking in, they stared at me like I was some form of an alien, it was obvious they were not expecting me to come, nor was I invited. Intimidation blanketed my whole body, and I concentrated on the gravel beneath my feet.
I wanted to run home with my tail between my legs.
I couldn't miss the jealous looks, that I got off the girls and somehow I knew it was all over me spending time with Trey, something not a lot of people got to do because he wasn't the type to be friendly.
I knew it was wrong, I did. I wasn't welcome here, even as I took another step on the silky green grass, closer to the house and further away from acceptance, I was gradually developing more reluctance towards my boost of confidence. I didn't have much time to think of how I didn't fit in, how I wasn't welcome, when I spotted Trey leaning against the wall, with his arms lazily crossed.
His friends were joking about something, and his only response at their laughing and nudging was a brief smirk. Something about the slight response made my lips twitch with something unknown, something foreign to me.
I have to leave, I frantically thought to myself.
Just as I began to swivel around and make my well needed getaway, someone stopped me.
"Where do you think you're running off to?" He asked me, with his hand resting lightly on my shoulder; it set of a trace of fire in its wake. I could hear the sense of humour in his voice, however, I knew when I would turn around I would only be met by a serious façade.
"I have to go, I forgot I have s-somewhere to b-be," I stuttered in response. The only place I had to be was wrapped up in bed, hiding from everyone, occasionally being met with the screeching that would elevate from beneath my floor boards.
"We both know that's not true," he answered without skipping a beat. He was right we both did know it wasn't true. But there was a difference, I knew I was running away, but did he know? In a way we were both running. We were both running away from each other.
It's what you do, the inner voice spoke loudly.
Closeness brings hurt, so that's why now, I was running, but I never really got far with him, he always stops me before I can.
"Come on Maggie, I don't want to be here anymore than you do, regardless I still am giving it a shot." I couldn't suppress the defeated sigh that escaped my lips.
"Trying wouldn't hurt, I suppose," I quietly ushered to myself.
Clearly, he had heard it by the slight pull to his lips. I more than shyly turned around to face him. Then all of a sudden everything didn't seem as bad. Looking at him, nothing ever seemed as bad. I let my thumb trace the scar on his eyebrow. His eyes closed in response to my delicate caress.
"My sister wants to meet you," he spluttered out.
Immediately, I snapped my hand back as if it was on fire. It was like the tips of my fingers were singed. Family meant seriousness, family meant commitment.
His eyes snapped open and narrowed in a second at my reduced contact.
"Why?" I spat out at him venomously, why now? When everything is good, everything is fine, she wants to meet me.
"She smelt your perfume," he began, I didn't miss the slight falter in the pitch of his voice, "and I never brought any girl back, so now she wants to meet you."
I nodded along as if I was listening to every word he uttered. But one thought that plagued my mind was the fact she was as observant to smell my perfume.
"Your sister is only six, how did she figure out that there was another girl in your house by her perfume? It could have been your mother."
"I'll save that story for another time." he told me, while rocking back and forth on his heels. I didn't know why, but he looked like he was in discomfort. In the back of my head, I knew there was a long story to him, everything about him.
He shyly glanced at the people who were milling around him, with whispers hovering around the air.
"Do you think they are together now?"
"I still don't understand what he is doing with her."
"Maybe he feels sorry for her. I heard she apparently has a hard home life."
That was the comment that made me halt it put everything to a stop. The fact that people even had a fraction of an idea what was going on in my personal life, terrified me.
The blood that was pulsating through my veins turned to ice. It was like my circulation was cut off. My body froze. My hearts beating was in my ear. It was strange how I could go so long without giving anyone the satisfaction of listening to their gossip, but when it's something that you tried and tried desperately to keep under wraps. My home life is the one thing I do my very best to hide and now people are figuring it out.
I knew it was coming, the panic attack I mean. My breathing erupted to shallow pants, and come in shorter clawing gasps as it made it way and tried to force its way out. My hands began shaking uncontrollably. I rested my hand on the fence that was right beside me, as something that could hopefully keep me upright. My head was spinning, I could see Trey, but he kept spinning around and around. It was like he was a tornado along with the girls and their gossip, and in the middle was me their victim, their main prey.
"I need to leave," I told him breathlessly my legs were threatening to give out. My lungs were caving in more and more by each fraction of a second, cutting off whatever circulation that was available. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Catching a glimpse of Trey he was watching me intently. I faintly seen him saying something to the girls and just like that they were gone, which left us alone.
"I need to go," I tried panting out again this time, but no matter what I couldn't get my legs to move, they couldn't hold me. They were like jelly. He took two short strides, and he was in front of me. I was frightened, terrified at the least, no one had ever seen my panic attacks before. He looked at ease at my obvious discomfort.
"Relax copy my breathing, deep breaths." He spoke in a firm manner, in a controlled manner, and that's exactly what I did. Each time he took in a breath, I followed, each time he released a breath I followed once again, "Let the cold air in, it will help I promise."
I let my eyes close in satisfaction. The fact that he had actually stopped this one, normally they would last up to an hour and no one is there to help me. He was used to panic attacks I knew it, by the way he handled it and took it so lightly; there was no way he wasn't.
"How?" I asked slightly breathless from my latest episode. It was under control however, it wasn't passed just yet.
He hesitantly lifted his thumb to my face and lightly brushed it across my bottom lip, even though he was being careful not to come too close, weary of jeopardising my air space.
"Another story, for another time," he answered briefly and quite dryly in fact.
"But, do you-?" I couldn't finish the end of the sentence because it was shocking I never sought him out as the type to deal with panic attacks.
He let out a chuckle, when he became serious once again, "No Maggie I don't suffer with panic attacks." The inability to breath was finally subsiding, and I genuinely felt a weight off my shoulders.
"Oh, I thought you did-" I never got to finish my sentence because Darragh decided then would be brilliant to come.
He slung his arm tightly around Trey and gave me a wide grin, "Hey you! Nice that you actually showed, I'm not going to lie here I genuinely thought you would be a no go." As always, the difference in them struck a curiosity streak in me, I didn't understand.
But Darragh seemed to have a very severe habit of butting in, when things are serious, which Trey wasn't hiding his annoyance at. His jaw was locked as he tried to shrug off Darragh grip, again there was no chance that was happening he was there, and he was there for good.
"Now come on you guys, let's go, and socialise." He enthusiastically exclaimed and guided us both towards to the house.
I had expecting him to guide us off into the house, instead he brought us around the back of the house. Everyone was thrown along the sand, or on one of the chairs. By everyone I meant everyone. Any person that went to my school was there, including people I have never seen before. Whoever owned this house, clearly had parents who were lawyers or something big like that, that was obvious by the gigantic windows overlooking the sea.
The house was a typical party house. People swarmed every inch of the sand. Right in the middle there was a bonfire with stones all underneath and around it, making it more accessible for the people surrounding it in a circle.
The girls pranced around half dressed their bikinis barely covered them, which made me feel slightly weary of the white dress that showed nothing. I was not entirely keen on prancing around with my scars and burns on show. That would give them girls something to talk about.
Darragh let go of Trey and told him to wait where he was. He began to guide me over towards a group of girls. I caught a glimpse of Sasha, with her big blonde hair, in loose girls going all the way down her back. Her friendly big brown eyes were engulfed in a tanned Latino looking girl next her.
"Since Trey thinks a lot of you, you are now under our wing too. Starting off, you need to let loose and mingle." He told me, while ushering me over to the group of girls, including Sasha. I began walking to them robotically.
To be honest I was terrified I wasn't used to people, I wasn't used to having to 'mingle'. His voice stopped me before I could move anymore, "Mag, remember be a teenager for once." He winked at me, and then he was gone back in the direction that Trey was. For the first time, that's what I did I let myself start to feel like I was accepted.
"Hey Sasha," I greeted her, and with the sound of my voice, her head whipped up to face me. I couldn't help but notice how her eyes wandered over my whole body, before her brown eyes landed on me, my face this time.
"Sweetie pie," her sweet friendly voice encouraged my confidence in tonight being different for once. "Come, sit." She patted a vacant space that directly on the other side to the girl that was there. The Latino girl smiled at me, before she was drew into a conversation with the girl on the other side of her. I somehow felt envy towards her ability to just slide in and out of normal conversations with anybody.
You don't even know the girl Maggie.
"How are you doing?" she asked me, and for once I felt like someone was asking me because they genuinely cared, they really wanted to know the answer and not just ask it to sound polite.
"I'm good," I answered while tucking my hair behind my ear. Her eyes seemed to follow every move I did. Even as I straightened out my dress with my palms, she was watching, as if she was examining me, like she knew something that I didn't.
Her eyes once again returned to my face, and she gave me a smile, but this time it was forced. I could see the sadness erupting from the back of the smile I didn't know whether it was for me or her.
"How are you doing?" I asked in return, and just like hers I actually cared what her answer was. The heel of her black boots clicked against the stone that surround us.
Click. Click. Click.
Her heels continued clicking, it was echoing through my ear. At that moment I felt like I had supersonic hearing. I pushed my palm to the base of my ear cutting off the sound. When I looked from the side of my eye, she was watching me intently, and then I knew she was doing it on purpose. There was a reason she was doing it, it wasn't just a habit.
The sound of the heels just brought back the memory of my mother coming home from the club, with another new man. I could feel my face contort in pain, at the memories of all the nights I spent trying to get her to go to sleep, or trying to help her when she puked her guts into a bucket.
"Good," she answered me and the clicking stopped, just like that it stopped.
"That's good," I replied hesitantly, while feeling slightly unnerved by her intense gaze on me. She grinned putting her pearly whites on display. I honestly did feel as if I was a project to her. She analysed everything.
"Hey girls," the Latino girl drew our attention to her, "we're going to have a game of Never Have I Ever, wanna join?" She asked us.
Suddenly, I felt relieved that I wouldn't have to sit here with just Sasha and feel like everything I was doing, was being observed. Sasha looked at me for confirmation that I wanted to play, which I nodded frantically to, in response. Silently excited that for once I was included, people wanted me to join them.
Most of all, they accepted me.
"I never cheated on a boyfriend," the Latino girl began. All of the girls around the circle drank sheepishly. It was only and I who didn't. Sasha's reason was obvious she didn't like guys except mine was just embarrassing I never even had one to cheat on.
"I never lost my virginity yet." A pretty petite girl from beside her whispered, almost to herself, not even half the group drank surprisingly the Latino girl raised her glass to her lips. Everyone looked at her shockingly, besides me.
To be honest, I didn't know what the big fuss was about. Lots of girls haven't lost their virginity yet it wasn't a big thing, was it?
"What?" The girl sitting directly across from her exclaimed. "Josh still never got it in?" She continued mockingly, I could see the satisfaction sprawl across her face.
The Latino girl smirked in reply and took another sip of her drink. I didn't know who Josh was, so I didn't really gather why it was such a big deal.
"Babe," A male voice shouted in the distance and just the sound of his voice made my insides run cold. I didn't have to even look to see who it was the fear that was oozing through my body was enough. Glancing off to my right I could see him, walking directly over in my direction.
It wasn't me he was shouting at, was it?
I didn't know how I didn't put it together before, but when he sucked off the Latino girls face in front of everyone it was obvious. The Josh that didn't 'get it in' was the same Josh who was harassing me.
"Three months today, baby." She cooed lovingly in his face. Sasha scoffed in the cup she was sipping from beside me and muttered something along the lines of, 'how it still wasn't long enough for such an asshole'.
They were together that long and only last week he was telling me how he is going to have me eventually. He gave me a sly smirk, when his 'girlfriend' wasn't looking. I knew what the smirk meant it meant he hadn't yet forgotten about his promise. No matter what type of threats he got, he still wasn't giving up.
I was about to get up and run away, like everything depended on it, when an arm was heavily thrown over my shoulder keeping me in place. I didn't even have to look at his beautiful hazel eyes, his pouty bottom lip, or his broad build. The heat that radiated on to my shoulder was enough.
"Having fun Josh?" His deep voice asked the anger was obvious in the pit of his voice.
Josh spine stiffened but his cocky smirk was still in place, "Lots."
Trey easily crossed his legs over each other, and raised his eyebrow like he was challenging him. Only then did I notice that the whole circle had gone quiet, all the girls were weighing their gazes between both the guys. Their gaze wavered at the arm that was around mine.
Josh nodded at a guy behind Trey and suddenly, I felt a presence standing beside me. I turned to see a guy, going to begin to grope me.
"Get off me," I angrily shouted, swatting away his hands.
All of a sudden, his hand was gone. When I looked, Trey had his hand in a vice like grip, "Get off her." His voice was furious and I could hear his teeth clenching with anger.
"Why dude, she's not yours?" He teased knowingly, he was right.
"Yes she is."
"Prove it."
Before I could even think about what the guy had said, Trey gently grabbed my face and turned it to him. He gave me what I interpreted to be an apologetic smile, and then he was kissing me.
In front of everyone.
Trey Harter was kissing me.
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