24.....
Written by George Ryan.
Reeling from past loves,
Dealing in the feelings of use and lack of communication.
It's hard when the healing only comes in waves of understand
that I can't seem to find.
I wish that I could say that I have healed but in reality I have only grown...
Grown in myself but also in the pain and in the loss.
I haven't found anyone or anything to replace it unless you count
this waves of peace behind this apartment doors.
And this walls that heal my never ended anxiety with their writing
on the walls,
Like a type writer point of view mindset that eases the
ache from this manic world.
I have pulled my soul back to the point where I need sleeping pills
just to help me sleep,
From my phantom scars that still ache every time that I try and lay down.
And I stay lonely because every time that I even try to go downtown,
It's your soulful smile and eyes that still feel like home
that I always end up looking for.
So it's harder to find somebody to love when in my heart and mind
they will always only ever be second best.
I live with a caged heart but an open mind in a manic world
that finds love quicker
than before the movie is even over.
Never even giving me a chance.
Always left alone to sweat this toxins out behind closed windows,
And left to write sad lyrics at the end of the day just to help
me feel something other than false hope to keep love
alive in the back of my mind.
I don't know if love will ever come back to me?
But I do know that behind this apartment walls,
I can finally breath fresh non toxic air,
And can finally deal with the pain and this scars in a healthy way.
I do know that it's getting harder to grow my tree of life
without love.
So I am open minded to signs of love and signs of paths
crossing again,
As long as it's in the name of love.
But the biggest lesson that 24 taught me was
how to created an ok life off of nothing but footnotes
and unanswered prayers.
This days
Written by George Ryan
Do I talk in my sleep?
Confessing who I really love and who is always in my dreams?
Is that why people always leave?
I left the keys in my car again,
I swear that I turned it off,
I guess that was just my mind again.
My heart feels as locked out of love,
Like I just locked myself out of my apartment for the
Second month in a row.
Even with all of this fog in my mind the sun still shines.
This days,
It's hard to pass of as ok,
With all of this endless depression and endless anxiety.
Souls need other souls to call home.
But no one talks about that.
The one thing that medicine can't fix,
But still I try.
So I can keep walking to my own defenses in this manic world.
In eyes that face the apartment door...
Waiting and praying for a miracle.
I want to stop being on the back end of everybody else's karma.
I wanted to be loved like no other.
I hope one day that we can make amends.
Maybe that fake friends tattoo that you gave yourself was the only thing
that you could feel for me?
At this point it's easier to move forward in life than it is with love.
Even with all of this fog in my mind the sun still shines.
This days,
I have no love but the best views.
A peace of mind and freedom.
Even though sometimes it feels like a prison.
Lost with no cell reception,
I have no one calling me anyways.
Maybe this days that is a good things.
This days,
It's hard to pass of as ok,
With all of this endless depression and endless anxiety.
Souls need other souls to call home.
But no one talks about that.
The one thing that medicine can't fix,
But still I try.
So I can keep walking to my own defenses in this manic world.
In eyes that face the apartment door...
Waiting and praying for a miracle.
Put my headphones in and sweat this toxins out.
It's not much put it's a stepping stone to finally starting to feel like myself.
This days it's hard not to pass of as caring about you even though I still do!
This days all that I have left is my self worth that I am to afraid to lose.
You have your pride,
You reap what you sow,
Even with all of this fog in my mind the sun still shines.
This days,
It's hard to pass of as ok,
With all of this endless depression and endless anxiety.
Souls need other souls to call home.
But no one talks about that.
The one thing that medicine can't fix,
But still I try.
So I can keep walking to my own defenses in this manic world.
In eyes that face the apartment door...
Waiting and praying for a miracle.
This days I'm giving myself a fighting chance.
And loving myself 10 harder then you ever could,
Or were man enough to even admit it if you really did.
I guess karma is real and no matter how much that I love someone I always get the back end of the deal.
My words my truth and God is all that I have to defend myself.
With honor and truth!
You can't say the same,
Because we are not the same.
You have your pride,
But you lost me!
I put my headphones in and sweat this toxins out.
It's not much put it's a stepping stone to finally starting to feel like myself.
This days it's hard not to pass of as caring about you even though I still do!
This days all that I have left is my self worth that I am to afraid to lose.
Lost with no cell reception,
I have no one calling me anyways.
Maybe this days that is a good things
Even with all of this fog in my mind the sun still shines.
This days,
It's hard to pass of as ok,
With all of this endless depression and endless anxiety.
Souls need other souls to call home.
But no one talks about that.
The one thing that medicine can't fix,
But still I try.
So I can keep walking to my own defenses in this manic world.
In eyes that face the apartment door...
Waiting and praying for a miracle.
Do I talk in my sleep?
Confessing who I really love and who is always in my dreams?
Is that why people always leave?
The mask that you hide.
Written by George Ryan,
Putting hair gal in my wet hair,
with the fan blowing in my face.
After a long hot shower and a nice workout,
It's the only thing that's been distracting my heart
that's always crying out.
Lonely days,
Medicine just to feel an empty soul.
That's been walking the streets for years alone,
But couldn't seem to find any love.
It's only hurting yourself by keeping the pain and trauma
bottled up inside.
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
My eyes covered in love,
Your lip covered in sin.
That you called loyalty,
That you call faithfulness.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
I have seen it with an old friend.
Who I don't talk to anymore.
I don't want to end up like him!
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
If you want to lie to yourself and not except the truth.
Play the victim when it takes two!
My apartment walls are covered in the truth.
Of all the pain and all the use,
And all of the heartbreak that you put me through!
You reap what you sow,
And you reap a friendship out of lust and not love.
While you watched my tears fall the the floor.
Inspiration hasn't run dry,
I am done asking myself why?
I still defend you every time.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
And I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
My eyes covered in love,
Your lip covered in sin.
That you called loyalty,
That you call faithfulness.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
I have seen it with an old friend.
Who I don't talk to anymore.
I don't want to end up like him!
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
My anxiety hides free behind this walls.
Sweating this toxins out behind closed doors,
Still praying for lost love.
I pulled my soul back only because,
I grew sick and tired of being the only one that's trying.
This days my spirit has grown to dim to let hope back in,
Because for me it is always false kind.
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
My eyes covered in love,
Your lip covered in sin.
That you called loyalty,
That you call faithfulness.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
I have seen it with an old friend.
Who I don't talk to anymore.
I don't want to end up like him!
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
It's hard to remain an optimist when for years every door that I opened somebody
else already had a key chain with their names already attached to them.
I will create a space where no free willed hands can hurt my heart and
bruised my soul.
And my traumatized and depressed state of mind can roam free.
Because the masked that I have to put on everywhere else pretending that
I am fine,
Is the one thing this days that have been breaking me!
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
My eyes covered in love,
Your lip covered in sin.
That you called loyalty,
That you call faithfulness.
The mask you hide will only hurt yourself in the end,
I have seen it with an old friend.
Who I don't talk to anymore.
I don't want to end up like him!
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
Putting hair gal in my wet hair,
with the fan blowing in my face.
After a long hot shower and a nice workout,
It's the only thing that's been distracting my heart
that's always crying out.
Lonely days,
Medicine just to feel an empty soul.
That's been walking the streets for years alone,
But couldn't seem to find any love.
It's only hurting yourself by keeping the pain and trauma
bottled up inside.
So I guess that I will lock myself in a studio apartment for
as long as I can.
And I will heal the best way that I know how too.
You clipped my wings,
The light inside of my has grown dim,
From the lack of love that my soul needs.
You stole my dreams,
As I took off my wedding ring.
Yet I found new one.
In an 8 ball lighter laying on the counter.
Reminding me that I'm not wired to be normal.
I got to get my emotions under control.
Find away to relight the fire in my bones.
The past love was to sweet but my past life trying to get over you
was to dark for me.
Maybe I'm just a rolling stone.
Build with the soundtrack of continuous heartbreak forever tattooed
for all too see.
In the signs of the times
In the signs of the fallen soldier.
I'm just a rolling stone.
Build to be Alone.
Because In reality,
I will always love you!
Maybe I'm just the fool.
Who can't seem to get over you.
While your probably out with someone new.
I'm setting here wish things were different.
Trying pick up the pieces.
I always get the short end of the stick.
But all the lessons that my used up soul as learned.
From the touch of your souls free willed hands.
Because In reality,
I will always love you!
I got to get my emotions under control.
Find away to relight the fire in my bones.
The past love was to sweet but my past life from trying to get over you
is to dark for me.
Maybe I'm just a rolling stone.
Build with the soundtrack of continuous heartbreak.
Forever tattooed in my mind.
In the signs of the times
In the signs of the fallen soldiers of this new 20th century.
I'm just a rolling stone.
Build to be Alone.
Because In reality,
I will always love you!
You'll never find another like me.
I gave you my heart but all that you gave me was use.
Took his hand in vain and left him waiting in hospital rooms.
Waiting on the judgement day.
How quickly things can change.
But my heart for you reminds the same.
Because we were young,
We were kids,
We have different roads to go down.
I hope we cross paths again someday.
I just wish that mine didn't come with so much pain.
You clipped my wings,
The light inside of my has grown dim,
From the lack of love that my soul needs.
You stole my dreams,
As I took off my wedding ring.
Yet I found new one.
In an 8 ball lighter laying on the counter.
Reminding me that I'm not wired to be normal.
Find away to relight the fire in my bones.
The past love was to sweet but my past life trying to get over you
was to dark for me.
Maybe I'm just a rolling stone.
Build with the soundtrack of continuous heartbreak forever tattooed
for all too see.
In the signs of the times
In the signs of the fallen soldier.
I'm just a rolling stone.
Build to be Alone.
Because In reality,
I will always love you!
Even if you don't feel the same....Anymore!
Held captive by a soul that's felt to much use.
That can never seem to wash itself clean.
From this loveless life.
I went through hell almost died.
Just to find myself.
Trying to get back to you.
But your right just laugh it off.
And just move on.
You clipped my wings,
The light inside of my has grown dim,
From the lack of love that my soul needs.
You stole my dreams,
As I took off my wedding ring.
I found new one.
In an 8 ball lighter laying on the counter.
Reminding me that I'm not wired to be normal.
Find away to relight the fire in my bones.
The past love was to sweet but my past life trying to get over you
was to dark for me.
Maybe I'm just a rolling stone.
Build with the soundtrack of continuous heartbreak forever tattooed
for all too see.
In the signs of the times
In the signs of the fallen soldier.
I'm just a rolling stone.
Build to be Alone.
Because In reality,
I will always love you!
Even if you don't feel the same....Anymore!
Maybe I'm just the fool.
Who can't seem to get over you.
While your probably out with someone new.
I'm setting here wish things were different.
Trying pick up the pieces.
I always get the short end of the stick.
But all the lessons that my used up soul as learned.
From the touch of your souls free willed hands.
You clipped my wings,
The light inside of my has grown dim,
From the lack of love that my soul needs.
You stole my dreams,
As I took off my wedding ring.
I found new one.
In an 8 ball lighter laying on the counter.
Reminding me that I'm not wired to love normal.
I'm just a rolling stone.
Build to be Alone.
Because In reality,
Even after everything that you have but me through.
I will always love you!
Even if you don't feel the same....Anymore!
Studio Apartment at 24
Written by George Ryan
Don't give me a reason to leave and I won't.
If you'd only known how to love me right,
Than maybe I would stay for another night?
But pressure only works on soulless diamonds.
My heart is to soft for all of your unsure feelings.
I still remember when your words brought me back to life.
Now it is time to pull my soul back for my own sanity.
Because my depressed state of mind already pulls on my heart strings.
It's time to build a life on my own,
That nobody else can take away from me.
It's time to learn to be my own company.
To build a place away from all the heartache and pain.
I am not ready to go out.
You're the one that is still in my dreams.
Don't give me a reason to fold and I won't fold.
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Caged heart,
With a typewriter mindset.
My secret hide away from this manic
world,
That has grown to much for me!
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Maybe I will forever be just a footnote in somebody else's
love story.
Or Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Where peace and contentment is the only thing
that comes to the phone.
New life in a college town,
No pictures hanging on the walls.
Clean slate,
Giving me room to breath.
Eyes to see.
Writing on the walls.
I crave peace and I crave safety more than I do you love.
It's been 6 years too long,
It took me a divorce and a lost friendship soulmate lost connections.
To sit in this hot water and let it sink into my bones that ache from sever depression.
My greatest losses will never be words left unsaid again.
Don't give me a reason to fold and I won't fold.
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Caged heart,
With a typewriter mindset.
My secret hide away from this manic
world,
That has grown to much for me!
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Maybe I will forever be just a footnote in somebody else's
love story.
Or Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Where peace and contentment is the only thing
that comes to the phone.
My mind says it's time move again.
That's just the heartache and the loneliness talking.
Sweat this toxins out,
And look at this life for yourself that you have created
for yourself.
I remember being a teen looking good for the parties
was my only worry in life.
Now all that I can think about is settling down.
Maybe one day I will find the pass-code.
Maybe one day I will find the right words to say to make
somebody stay.
If you never would have given me a reason to fold,
I never would've folded.
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Caged heart,
With a typewriter mindset.
My secret hide away from this manic
world,
That has grown to much for me!
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Maybe I will forever be just a footnote in somebody else's
love story.
Or Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Where peace and contentment is the only thing
that comes to the phone.
Sometimes you've got to leave for your own self worth.
Even thought that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt.
I just want to remember what happiness use to feel like.
My minds been medicate since a kid.
I was always told and taught how to feel.
But now I can finally feel without the drama.
Sweat this toxins out,
Feel better about myself.
Built me a stronger heart with a deeper soul,
And a mindset that is now triggered to the toxic.
Maybe no one's wish fulfillment or wishful thinking.
But you were mine!
I will put you on the list of songs that I wish that I got to write.
If you never would have given me a reason to fold,
I never would've folded.
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Caged heart,
With a typewriter mindset.
My secret hide away from this manic
world,
That has grown to much for me!
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Maybe I will forever be just a footnote in somebody else's
love story.
Or Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Where peace and contentment is the only thing
that comes to the phone.
I am not adventures,
I'm just trying to make you wish that you were with me.
Over looking the city lights.
I drive an hour just to grab a few drinks and socialize with people who
probably won't remember me in the morning.
I'm drunkenly talking to strangers like their my best friend but that was you,
That was you!
I keep laying my sad drunken tired hearted mind on people's chest.
I keep misreading signs on the wall that I should've rewrote a long time ago,
Now I call this place a home!
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Caged heart,
With a typewriter mindset.
My secret hide away from this manic
world,
That has grown to much for me!
Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Maybe I will forever be just a footnote in somebody else's
love story.
Or Maybe I will forever be a stand alone,
In a studio apartment at 24.
Where peace and contentment is the only thing
that comes to the phone.
New life in a college town,
No pictures hanging on the walls.
Clean slate,
Giving me room to breath.
Eyes to see.
Writing on the walls.
I crave peace and I crave safety more than I do you love.
It's been 6 years too long,
It took me a divorce and a lost friendship soulmate lost connections.
To sit in this hot water and let it sink into my bones that ache from sever depression.
My greatest losses will never be words left unsaid again.
Don't give me a reason to fold and I won't fold.
I keep laying my sad drunken tired hearted mind on people's chest.
I keep misreading signs on the wall that I should've rewrote a long time ago,
Now I call this place a home!
Where peace and contentment is the only thing
that comes to the phone.
Trauma of life.
Written by George Ryan
Insomnia,
Keeping me up just to let me down in the morning.
Just like this love that I will forever be morning.
Shades of sadness in this manic days,
So I sleep them away.
Restless soul because I can't find someone who stays.
Or fights to say my name in a loving way.
I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
All of the traumas of life,
All of the dead ends when it comes to love has got me questioning.
Right now love feels like just another fork in the road.
I don't want to die alone.
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
Insomnia,
Keeping me up just to let me down in the morning.
Just like this love that I will forever be morning.
The longest nights always holds the darkest days.
Now I will never be able to look you the same.
My Proverbs heart will always have a soft spot for you.
Maybe that's why I am the one always playing the fool?
Maybe that's why I am the only one that always left crying?
And hoping that you changed your heart for me too!
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
All of the traumas of life,
All of the dead ends when it comes to love has got me questioning.
Right now love feels like just another fork in the road.
I don't want to die alone.
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
All of the paranoia and insomnia and this lonely nights
are starting to get to me,
So I put on my headphones.
It's the best way to defuse the bomb in my mind.
Picking up the pen writing to an old friend,
That you are still in love with feels like.
It's like pulling the trigger but instead out comes flowers.
From all of the tears and nights that you've cried.
That's what having a heartache but still being in love feels like.
If only you were here tonight!
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
All of the traumas of life,
All of the dead ends when it comes to love has got me questioning.
Right now love feels like just another fork in the road.
I don't want to die alone.
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
Insomnia,
Keeping me up just to let me down in the morning.
Just like this love that I will forever be morning.
Shades of sadness in this manic days,
So I sleep them away.
Restless soul because I can't find someone who stays.
Or fights to say my name in a loving way.
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
All of the traumas of life,
All of the dead ends when it comes to love has got me questioning.
Right now love feels like just another fork in the road.
I don't want to die alone.
But I know my worth,
I know pain,
I now know when to pull my soul back and when to walk away.
All of the paranoia and insomnia and this lonely nights
are starting to get to me,
So I put on my headphones.
It's the best way to defuse the bomb in my mind.
Picking up the pen writing to an old friend,
That you are still in love with feels like.
It's like pulling the trigger but instead out comes flowers.
From all of the tears and nights that you've cried.
That's what having a heartache but still being in love feels like.
If only you were here tonight!
The Greatest War
Written by George Ryan.
My days and my nights are all starting to fade into one.
If only your love faded into mine.
And your loyalty was with me but it was always somewhere
else.
Always leaving me lost at sea.
Then blaming the tied when you were tied under the sheets with someone else.
It's not my place to say,
But I told her everything.
I was just grieving.
I try my best to not let my past define me,
But it always comes back to haunt me!
The greatest war in my mind
is letting you go.
The greatest war in my life
is learning to find myself again.
And learning to life without the false hope
that your love brought me.
So I can move on,
Now that your gone.
Who do I picture in my mind to help me fall asleep?
What do I pray for every night?
When talking to God about please send love back to me!
When it's your face and your name that am thinking of.
You blame everyone for leaving,
While you are setting there making jokes that you think are funny,
While everyone else finds them hurtful and rude.
My soul has grow tired of all the use!
Look in the mirror,
I am glad that you found somebody that is just like you!
You needed a friend you still had me.
I never left your side.
But whenever I needed you.
You always left mine!
When I said that I needed you.
You never even cared.
I try my best to not let my past define me,
But it always comes back to haunt me!
The greatest war in my mind
is letting you go.
The greatest war in my life
is learning to find myself again.
And learning to life without the false hope
that your love brought me.
So I can move on,
Now that your gone.
Who do I picture in my mind to help me fall asleep?
What do I pray for every night?
When talking to God about please send love back to me!
When it's your face and your name that am thinking of at night.
The greatest war is still seeing signs
but choosing to ignore them.
The greatest war is putting my feelings to pen and paper
instead of calling you at 3am.
Like the times we played hide and seek in a grieve yard.
Than watching the sun rise from an abandoned building.
Your soul was the only one who take the pain away
and my mind off of him.
I try my best to not let my past define me,
But it always comes back to haunt me!
The greatest war in my mind
is letting you go.
The greatest war in my life
is learning to find myself again.
And learning to life without the false hope
that your love brought me.
So I can move on,
Now that your gone.
Who do I picture in my mind to help me fall asleep?
What do I pray for every night?
When talking to God about please send love back to me!
When it's your face and your name that am thinking of at night.
My days and my nights are all starting to fade into one.
If only your love faded into mine.
And your loyalty was with me but it was always somewhere
else.
Always leaving me lost at sea.
Then blaming the tided when your hands were tied under the sheets with someone else.
It's not my place to say,
But I told her everything.
I was just grieving.
I try my best to not let my past define me,
But it always comes back to haunt me!
The greatest war in my mind
is letting you go.
The greatest war in my life
is learning to find myself again.
And learning to life without the false hope
that your love brought me.
So I can move on,
Now that your gone.
Who do I picture in my mind to help me fall asleep?
What do I pray for every night?
When talking to God about please send love back to me!
When it's your face and your name that am thinking of at night.
But you don't see mine!
Now the greatest war in my mind
is letting you go.
The greatest war in my life
is learning to find myself again.
And learning to life without the false hope
that your love brought me.
The greatest war is still seeing signs
but choosing to ignore them.
Now my greatest war is trying not to let my past define me.
Even though for me it always comes back to haunt me.
Telling me to never trust again.
Everyone will leave you in the end.
My soul has grown to tired of all the use!
Look in the mirror,
I am glad that you found somebody that is just like you!
Self Sabotage
Written by George Ryan.
You died die to save me from my sins,
Just for me to cry myself to sleep.
You wouldn't want me setting in all of this
anxiety and ptsd.
Self reeling over people who didn't even
really love me.
Another year I am trying not to waste
living for the hopes of it all.
Because that will just lead me to another down fall.
Self sabotage behind apartment doors,
Self healing only works until you're feeling lonely and blue.
Self sabotage in a prayer room,
I am still praying for love instead of a change of heart.
Self sabotage of another fallen one.
Seek my heart and know that my love was not in vain.
I am only self sabotaging myself because every time that I pray for love,
All I get is another wasted year.
How long will I have to moan,
Until I find someone who made me feel the way that you do?
Year after year it's getting harder to keep the lights in my eyes
from going out.
Thought I found someone who felt the same,
But it was just letters that got send on a Sunday.
To late,
Last friendship.
Now things will never be the same.
I am starting to learn the hard way that no one stays.
Another year I am trying not to waste
living for the hopes of it all.
Because that will just lead me to another down fall.
Self sabotage behind apartment doors,
Self healing only works until you're feeling lonely and blue.
Self sabotage in a prayer room,
I am still praying for love instead of a change of heart.
Self sabotage of another fallen one.
Seek my heart and know that my love was not in vain.
I am only self sabotaging myself because every time that I pray for love,
All that I will get is another wasted year.
I can't find jeans that fit just right anymore.
I only get one life down here.
You didn't die on the cross to save me from my sins.
Just for me to watch the time slowly pass away.
Just to watch my soul became a lost boy stuck in hopes of
gray.
Like my number he let slip into his contacts full of numbers
he will probably never even call again.
Another year I am trying not to waste
living for the hopes of it all.
Because that will just lead me to another down fall.
Self sabotage behind apartment doors,
Self healing only works until you're feeling lonely and blue.
Self sabotage in a prayer room,
I am still praying for love instead of a change of heart.
Self sabotage of another fallen one.
Seek my heart and know that my love was not in vain.
I am only self sabotaging myself because every time that I pray for love,
All I get is another wasted year.
I moved out but I still haven't moved on.
I built me a new life in a college town.
Bare walls because I needed a clean slate.
Because all of the pictures just reminds me of all the love that I lost.
I just want to find a place that's forever green to cover up
The hurt of life's sting.
I never knew grey could hold such a meaning.
in the greatest war I can't camouflage my feeling.
I can't say that I don't disassociate sometimes and dream
that it's you on the other side knocking on my door.
Another year I am trying not to waste
living for the hopes of it all.
Because that will just lead me to another down fall.
Self sabotage behind apartment doors,
Self healing only works until you're feeling lonely and blue.
Self sabotage in a prayer room,
I am still praying for love instead of a change of heart.
Self sabotage of another fallen one.
Seek my heart and know that have never loved was not in vain.
I am only self sabotaging myself because every time that I pray for love,
All that I will get is another wasted year.
How long will I have to moan,
Until I find someone who made me feel the way that you do?
How many years will I have to slowly watch the light go out in my eyes,
Without a soul that feels like home on the other side?
Self sabotage behind apartment doors,
Self healing only works until you're feeling lonely and blue.
Self sabotage in a prayer room,
I am still praying for love instead of a change of heart.
Self sabotage of another fallen one.
Seek my heart and know that have never loved was not in vain.
Phantom Scars
Written by George Ryan.
I have been alone,
I have refund myself,
Over looking a white picket fence.
I have grown with nothing but the moon and my thoughts.
and the pain that still haunts me at night.
I guess you could say that my only inspiration hasn't run dry.
I guess you could say that I never love in vain.
I now know who I want coming home to me.
Forty years from now,
When your eyes will be the only life that I need,
To get me through this seasonal depression,
And to pull me through to the other side,
Into the new life.
But for you,
You said that it is too late.
I just wish that you still felt the same.
As long as you are happy I will take the pain.
They are all just rebounds,
To my phantom scars,
That still aches for you!
In this warm blood memories,
That my mind still likes to go too,
on my low days.
That's why it is hard for me to go out
anymore.
One sight of you and my scars reopen.
And only you know how to close it.
But you always vanish into the smoke.
Still yet to say goodbye to my face,
always leaving me hopeless and not in the romantic
kind of way.
I have tried sweating this toxins out.
I have tried moving two hours away,
Into a studio apartment.
Where this walls are the only thing that has seen all of my pain.
And somehow always turn it around and call it tears of lost love.
They say at least its tears out love.
I guess you could say that my only inspiration hasn't run dry.
I guess you could say that I never love in vain.
I have tried therapy and medicine.
Getting under somebody else,
But the truth is that nobody ever talks about,
The fact that you will never be fully healthy
until love is feeding your heart,
Your soul and your mind again.
I just wish that you still felt the same.
As long as you are happy I will take the pain.
They are all just rebounds,
To my phantom scars,
That still aches for you!
In this warm blood memories,
that my mind still likes to go too,
on my low days.
That's why it is hard for me to go out
anymore.
One sight of you and my scars reopen.
And only you know how to close it.
But you always vanish into the smoke.
Still yet to say goodbye to my face,
always leaving me hopeless and not in the romantic
kind of way.
Why do I always look for signs every time that I dream?
When I wake up and I am back in reality.
Like spilled tea over the internet.
Like this carpet my soul is forever stained,
By all this use that I once called love that I try to cover up with a hoodie.
Because it is the only kind of love that I have ever known.
But one drink in and everybody see's.
Red eyes everybody thinks that I am high,
But it's just my soul dying a little bit more inside.
From the lack of love that my soul is needing.
I just hope that you are not feeling the same tonight.
As long as you are happy I will take the pain.
They are all just rebounds,
To my phantom scars,
That still aches for you!
In this warm blood memories,
that my mind still likes to go too.
on my low days.
That's why it is hard for me to go out
anymore.
One sight of you and my scars reopen.
And only you know how to close it.
But you always vanish into the smoke.
Still yet to say goodbye to my face,
always leaving me hopeless and not in the romantic
kind of way.
I now know who I want coming home to me.
Forty years from now,
When your eyes will be the only life that I need.
To get me through this seasonal depression,
And to pull me through to the other side,
Into the new life.
But for you,
You said that it is too late.
I just wish that you still felt the same.
As long as you are happy I will take the pain.
They are all just rebounds,
To my phantom scars,
That still aches for you!
In this warm blood memories,
that my mind still likes to go too.
on my low days.
That's why it is hard for me to go out
anymore.
One sight of you and my scars reopen.
And only you know how to close it.
But you always vanish into the smoke.
Still yet to say goodbye to my face,
always leaving me hopeless and not in the romantic
kind of way.
Why do I always look for signs every time that I dream?
When I wake up and I am back in reality.
Like spilled tea over the internet.
Like this carpet my soul is forever stained,
By all this use that I once called love that I try to cover up with a hoodie.
Because it is the only kind of love that I have ever known.
But one drink in and everybody see's.
Red eyes everybody thinks that I am high,
But it's just my soul dying a little bit more inside.
From the lack of love that my soul is needing.
I just hope that you are not feeling the same tonight.
As long as you are happy I will take the pain.
To my phantom scars,
That will always ache
In you warm blood memories.
Music box Type writer
Written by George Ryan.
It's been years,
I'm losing faith that there is anyone in this lifetime for me.
I think that I saw you out with another guy,
So I guess that it was just me that you didn't want.
You lead me on just for fun!
I'm trying to play nonchalant as blood rushes out my arms,
For money and a new life.
I hate confrontation so I always just let it go.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
Thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve love too?
All that I know is unconditional love so if you act like you hate me
or if you really do then then that's just you!
Trust and loyalty comes with the communication that nobody
can ever seem to give me.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
And I am thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve somebody to come home too?
The hour is coming soon,
I can't spend the rest of this life that I have left on this
earth reduce to a moment that shattered my soul and almost stopped my timeline.
All of this faithless hearts made me loss faith in myself for the last time.
I didn't need somebody else but you did!
I never gave you my heart but I wanted too!
You don't know how much my soul urges for you.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
Thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve love too?
All that I know is unconditional love so if you act like you hate me
or if you really do then then that's just you!
Trust and loyalty comes with the communication that nobody
can ever seem to give me.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
And I am thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve somebody to come home too?
I don't care if your selling blood or your selling tears.
Life's advancements should be loving somebody unconditionally.
I don't care if your working part time or working on your mental health.
The people in the room didn't know me like you did.
The rumors might have been true.
The whispers and the gossiping still haunts me to this day.
Enough to where I couldn't stay.
I hate confrontation so I always just let it go.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
Thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve love too?
All that I know is unconditional love so if you act like you hate me
or if you really do then then that's just you!
Trust and loyalty comes with the communication that nobody
can ever seem to give me.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
And I am thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve somebody to come home too?
Music brings us closer to Heaven,
Music Brings us closer to life,
The way your feeling right now,
When two heart beats intertwine.
Over cigarettes and alcohol.
Music brings us closer to Heaven,
Music Brings us closer to life,
The way the soul sex,
And are heartbeats bet intertwined at the same time,
That as enough for me.
I didn't need somebody else but you did!
I never gave you my heart but I wanted too!
You don't know how much my soul urges for you.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
Thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve love too?
All that I know is unconditional love so if you act like you hate me
or if you really do then that's just you!
Trust and loyalty comes with the communication that nobody
can ever seem to give me.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
And I am thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve somebody to come home too?
While I'm always looking through the window
trying to figure out why my heart never good enough?
And why love has never given me a prober chance in years?
All I have is a music box type writer point of view,
and headphones to cover up the tears.
Projecting my feelings onto this walls to distract myself with the
fact that your probably never coming home to me again.
I'm trying to play nonchalant as blood rushes out my arms,
For money and a new life.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
Thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve love too?
All that I know is unconditional love so if you act like you hate me
or if you really do then then that's just you!
Trust and loyalty comes with the communication that nobody
can ever seem to give me.
While everyone is looking at the person that love.
I'm the one that's always left out in the cold.
All that I have is a music box type writer point of view.
And I am thinking to myself,
Don't I deserve somebody to come home too?
The hour is coming soon,
I can't spend the rest of this life that I have left on this
earth reduce to a moment that shattered my soul and almost stopped my timeline.
All of this faithless hearts made me loss faith in myself for the last time.
...
I didn't need somebody else but you did!
I never gave you my heart but I wanted too!
You don't know how much my soul urges for you.
Footnotes of love
Written by George Ryan.
I ache in the night time.
Wondering what it feels like to be loved back.
Because it has been so many years.
So many hopeless tears.
Tonight I choose to be alone because I don't have the strength to act strong.
But maybe tomorrow night will be different.
I will go out even though at night my mind still disassociates.
Hoping that you call.
Even though it seems that you are long moved on.
It was just the drugs in your system talking.
We never had a real talk,
And I never had a fighting chance for your heart,
did I?
You were just playing with my heart.
You were just messing with my head.
You have a temper like a little kid.
I thought you'd grow up just a little bit.
At least for me!
I guess karma is real and I always get
the back end of the deal.
When it comes to love!
I wish that you could love me sober.
I wish that you would call me home.
We never had a fighting chance... did we?
This is a sad song.
This is a foot note,
When it comes to love...
So I don't feel so alone.
All Of this birches of mistrust.
Family tree broken,
Heart cut open...Into a millions pieces!
The change of seasons is started to get to me.
If only we could see the future.
Lost in a writers block haze.
Friday night fever tells me otherwise.
Come down from a heartless life,
Everyone can see it in my eyes.
Except you!
It was just the drugs in your system talking.
We never had a real talk,
And I never had a fighting chance for your heart,
did I?
You were just playing with my heart.
You were just messing with my head.
You have a temper like a little kid.
I thought you'd grow up just a little bit.
At least for me!
I guess karma is real and I always get
the back end of the deal.
When it comes to love!
I wish that you could love me sober.
I wish that you would call me home.
We never had a fighting chance... did we?
This is a sad song.
This is a foot note,
When it comes to love...
So I don't feel so alone.
Take the hurt and start believing in yourself again.
Recreate my own little world from this ashes within.
I wonder will your love come back to me again?
Writers blocks haze and a lot of therapy
and self love later tells me other wise.
I can't seem to replace your love,
Like a can't skip this winter months ahead.
Except you always can!
It was just the drugs in your system talking.
We never had a real talk,
And I never had a fighting chance for your heart,
did I?
You were just playing with my heart.
You were just messing with my head.
You have a temper like a little kid.
I thought you'd grow up just a little bit.
At least for me!
I guess karma is real and I always get
the back end of the deal.
When it comes to love!
I wish that you could love me sober.
I wish that you would call me home.
We never had a fighting chance... did we?
This is a sad song.
This is a foot note,
When it comes to love...
So I don't feel so alone.
I need a new since of direction.
With each year the lines on my face grow bolder and bolder with each tear that I cry.
Like the roots on this evergreen trees.
You were my favorite hiding spot that kept me warm every winter.
All of this footnotes there the only thing laying by my bedside at night.
And my phone hoping that you call.
Even though it seems that you are long moved on.
It was just the drugs in your system talking.
We never had a real talk,
And I never had a fighting chance for your heart, did I?
You were just playing with my heart.
You were just messing with my head.
You have a temper like a little kid.
I thought you'd grow up just a little bit.
At least for me!
I guess karma is real and I always get
the back end of the deal.
When it comes to love!
I wish that you could love me sober.
I wish that you would call me home.
We never had a real chance did we?
This is a sad song.
This is a foot note,
When it comes to love...
So I don't feel so alone.
Take the hurt and start believing in yourself again.
Recreate my own little world from this ashes within.
I wonder will your love come back to me again?
Writers blocks haze and a lot of therapy
and self love later tells me other wise.
I can't seem to replace your love,
Like a can't skip this winter months ahead.
Except you always can!
It was just the drugs in your system talking.
We never had a real talk,
And I never had a fighting chance for your heart,
did I?
You were just playing with my heart.
You were just messing with my head.
You have a temper like a little kid.
I thought you'd grow up just a little bit.
At least for me!
I guess karma is real and I always get
the back end of the deal.
When it comes to love!
I wish that you could love me sober.
I wish that you would call me home.
We never had a fighting chance... did we?
This is a sad song.
This is a foot note,
When it comes to love...
So I don't feel so alone.
20 Degrees
Written by George Ryan.
This cold takes all of my energy out of my already tired bones,
From this seasonal depression.
Grab some gas and some caffeine before I hit the road.
To a possible new love,
That I don't know if I am ready for?
Anti-Depressions don't let me down.
I don't want to get drunk tonight.
Tonight it's just wine for me,
And hopes that we work out.
Because I've been isolated,
Closed off,
My minds been lost at sea.
Love as felt like for years,
It's been a never ending losing game for me!
20 degrees in November.
20 degrees is not a metaphor,
Or maybe for you it is!
My heart isn't ready to move on and love again.
Conversations shouldn't feel this forced,
As trying to melt the ice off of my cars windows.
I already know who I wanted to come home too,
And that's not you!
Setting in this bar trying to get to know you,
All that I can think is your so sweet.
You deserve someone better than me!
Because right now I will never be able to give you
or probably anyone else a bigger piece of my heart
That he still has.
I still haven't figured out how to get it back.
Or if he came back showed up tonight,
What I would do...
Or what I would say???
Anti-Depressions don't let me down.
I don't want to get drunk tonight.
Tonight it's just wine for me,
And hopes that we work out.
Because I've been isolated,
Closed off,
My minds been lost at sea.
Love as felt like for years,
It's been a never ending losing game for me!
20 degrees in November.
20 degrees is not a metaphor,
Or maybe for you it is!
My heart isn't ready to move on and love again.
Conversations shouldn't feel this forced,
As trying to melt the ice off of my cars windows.
I already know who I wanted to come home too,
And that's not you!
My heart isn't fractured to who I really love,
But with every fracture of my aching soul
I promise that I still care deep in my bones.
My head tells me when it's time to run.
Long car ride home,
Sunday morning full of clarity.
Last night he asked me what my biggest regret in life was,
I said not leaving a note from a few relationships again.
Even though it probably won't have mattered anyways.
You said he was ass,
I said people can change and people can grow.
I did!
You said no they don't!
I said we are just on two different paths in life,
Two different forks in the road.
With every fracture of my aching heart I will stick up
for him until my dying day.
I didn't know that I still felt that way,
Until last night.
No wine split just time that I didn't wanted wasted.
Anti-Depressions don't let me down.
I don't want to get drunk tonight.
Tonight it's just wine for me,
And hopes that we work out.
Because I've been isolated,
Closed off,
My minds been lost at sea.
Love as felt like for years,
It's been a never ending losing game for me!
20 degrees in November.
20 degrees is not a metaphor,
Or maybe for you it is!
My heart isn't ready to move on and love again.
Conversations shouldn't feel this forced,
As trying to melt the ice off of my cars windows.
I already know who I wanted to come home too,
And that's not you!
Setting in this bar trying to get to know you,
All that I can think is your so sweet.
You deserve someone better than me!
Because right now I will never be able to give you
or probably anyone else a bigger piece of my heart,
That he still has.
I still haven't figured out how to get it back.
Or if he came back showed up tonight,
What I would do...
Or what I would say???
Last night he asked me what my biggest regret in life was,
I said not leaving a note from a few relationships again.
Even though it probably won't have mattered anyways.
You said he was ass,
I said people can change and people can grow.
I did!
You said no they don't!
I said we are just on two different paths in life,
Two different forks in the road.
With every fracture of my aching heart I will stick up
for him until my dying day.
I didn't know that I still felt that way,
Until last night.
No wine split just time that I didn't wanted wasted.
20 degrees in November.
20 degrees is not a metaphor,
Or maybe for you it is!
My heart isn't ready to move on and love again.
Conversations shouldn't feel this forced,
As trying to melt the ice off of my cars windows.
I already know who I wanted to come home too,
And that's not you!
My heart isn't fractured to who I really love,
But with every fracture of my aching soul
I promise that I still care deep in my bones.
My head tells me when it's time to run.
Long car ride home.
I just wish for use it didn't feel to late.
Maybe time will prove me wrong about love someday.
''The Only Difference''
Written by George Ryan.
I wonder have you healed or do you still try to mask the pain?
Living on forced days so low you start to disassociate to better days?
And your only happy place is when you can make it to bed by 7:30?
I wonder have you healed or do you mask the pain with sleeping pills,
Like me?
Do you try to sweat out this gray days out put on your headphones and
pretend that everything is ok...Like me?
Is pain the only thing we have in common anymore?
The only difference is I wish that I could be the one
that takes yours away.
It's the 22nd of November,
The 7th has come and past and I forgot to remember.
Does that mean I am finally healing?
Or is time is just slipping away?
That I have been so lost in the gray of life,
Missing you comes in waves.
Is the only difference,
Age, Timing and regret?
Is that the pain that you feel too?
I always wonder what would happen if you came back around?
The biggest footnote in my mind would we stand a chance?
would age and timing really make a difference?
I wonder,
How is life?
Do you have somewhere to go this holiday season?
Did you find someone that you finally want to call home?
Did your heart ever stop bleeding?
I hope so!
No bridges burned in the words of a goodbye.
No tears that I have cried without it being in the pain
of the absents of love in my life.
Do you try to sweat out this gray days out put on your headphones and
pretend that everything is ok...Like me?
Is pain that the only thing we have in common anymore?
The only difference is I wish that I could be the one
that takes yours away.
It's the 22nd of November,
The 7th has come and past and I forgot to remember.
Does that mean I am finally healing?
Or is time just slipping away?
That I have been so lost in the gray of life,
Missing you comes in waves.
Is the only difference,
Age, Timing and regret?
Is that the pain that you feel too?
I always wonder what would happen if you came back around?
The biggest footnote in my mind would we stand a chance?
would age and timing really make a difference?
24 and already divorced,
From the rip tides of misunderstanding that I tired to run too,
To save use from.
From my broken family tree that I didn't want you to get hurt from,
But in the end we both got hurt from!
Disconnected land lined between you and me.
Now I don't know who I can trust?
or who I can tell my private thoughts too?
So I built me a life in a college town,
Write footnotes about a past love.
That I can't seem to heal from!
I guess that's what my therapist calls unconditional love.
Do you try to sweat out this gray days out put on your headphones and
pretend that everything is ok...Like me?
Is pain that the only thing we have in common anymore?
The only difference is I wish that I could be the one
that takes yours away.
It's the 22nd of November,
The 7th has come and past and I forgot to remember.
Does that mean I am finally healing?
Or is time just slipping away?
That I have been so lost in the gray of life,
Missing you comes in waves.
Is the only difference,
Age, Timing and regret?
Is that the pain that you feel too?
I always wonder what would happen if you came back around?
The biggest footnote in my mind would we stand a chance?
would age and timing really make a difference?
I've never been a valentine,
I've been married but single at the same time.
I've lost friendships to free willed hands,
Of one night stands.
I guess you could say that heartbreak and false hope
is the only kind of love that I have ever known.
I have pulled my soul back to the point where
I am started to reel your name again.
Some say that is how you heal,
But maybe for me I am missing when love felt real!
Do you try to sweat out this gray days out put on your headphones and
pretend that everything is ok...Like me?
Is pain that the only thing we have in common anymore?
The only difference is I wish that I could be the one
that takes yours away.
It's the 22nd of November,
The 7th has come and past and I forgot to remember.
Does that mean I am finally healing?
Or is time just slipping away?
That I have been so lost in the gray of life,
Missing you comes in waves.
Is the only difference,
Age, Timing and regret?
Is that the pain that you feel too?
I always wonder what would happen if you came back around?
The biggest footnote in my mind would we stand a chance?
would age and timing really make a difference?
I wonder,
How is life?
Did you have somewhere to go this holiday season?
Did you find someone that you finally want to call home?
Did your heart ever stop bleeding?
I hope so!
No bridges burned in the words of a goodbye.
No tears that I have cried without it being in the pain
of the absents of love in my life.
Do you try to sweat out this gray days out put on your headphones and
pretend that everything is ok...Like me?
Is pain that the only thing we have in common anymore?
I always wonder what would happen if you came back around?
The biggest footnote in my mind would we stand a chance?
would age and timing really make a difference?
I have pulled my soul back to the point where
I am started to reel your name again.
Some say that is how you heal,
But maybe for me I am just missing when love felt real!
Judgement Day
Written by George Ryan.
If I could tell my brain one thing if would be,
Stop falling asleep picturing fake scenarios in my head
of you and me!
Because at this point it is starting to hurt!
At this point love is starting to feel like a joke.
At this point I have accidentally helped more
people fall in love than I care to admit.
While I am waiting to turn my sins back to love,
At least I am not using another persons heart and soul.
A tattoo just to remind me of the time that I was lost,
That wasn't as permanent as this ink.
For the nights that I put myself through hell,
In pain,
For love.
Waiting for you to show up,
So we could talk and try to fix things,
but in the end I finally found myself again.
And the truth is we both needed time to grow!
Fight some demons alone.
Find out what time holds for us.
Find are own rebirths,
That's just human nature.
Walking through this life of sin,
Praying for love to wash me clean again.
But on judgement day,
With every fracture of my aching heart.
At least I can say that I really loved you!
If I could tell my younger self one thing if would be,
It would be that sadness will be the one thing holding you up,
Thanks to all the false hope when it comes to people's
free willed hands, Hearts and souls.
If I could tell my brain one thing if would be,
Thanks to this depressed state of mind,
No one will ever stay by your side!
But luckily I grow better on my own anyways.
While I am waiting to turn my sins back to love,
At least I am not using another persons heart and soul.
A tattoo just to remind me of the time that I was lost,
That wasn't as permanent as this ink.
For the nights that I put myself through hell,
In pain,
For love.
Waiting for you to show up,
So we could talk and try to fix things,
but in the end I finally found myself again.
And the truth is we both needed time to grow!
Fight some demons alone.
Find out what time holds for us.
Find are own rebirths,
That's just human nature.
Walking through this life of sin,
Praying for love to wash me clean again.
But on judgement day,
With every fracture of my aching heart.
At least I can say that I really loved you!
If I could tell my brain one thing it out be!
Protect your heart before it gets bend to the point,
Where you have to pull your soul back.
Cage your heart from this manic world.
Random guys with random eyes,
With souls that your heart doesn't recognize.
That never want to call you home,
When I already have a place of my own.
A tattoo just to remind me of the time that I was lost,
That wasn't as permanent as this ink.
For the nights that I put myself through hell,
In pain,
For love.
Waiting for you to show up,
So we could talk and try to fix things.
but in the end I finally found myself again.
And the truth is we both needed time to grow!
Fight some demons alone.
Find out what time holds for us.
Find are own rebirths,
That's just human nature.
Walking through this life of sin,
Praying for love to wash me clean again.
But on judgement day,
With every fracture of my aching heart.
At least I can say that I really loved you!
If you count the unknowing-ness a lie?
If you count all of the tears that I cried?
If you count all of my confusion,
And the unanswered doctors notes hiding the truth?
Believe me back than all that I wanted was answers too!
But instead I ended up losing you!
If I could tell my brain one thing if would be,
Stop falling asleep picturing fake scenarios
of you and me!
Because at this point it is starting to hurt!
At this point love is starting to feel like a joke.
At this point I have accidentally helped more
people fall in love than I care to admit.
While I am waiting to turn my sins back to love,
At least I am not using another persons heart and soul.
A tattoo just to remind me of the time that I was lost,
That wasn't as permanent as this ink.
For the nights that I put myself through hell,
In pain,
For love.
Waiting for you to show up,
So we could talk and try to fix things
but in the end I finally found myself again.
And the truth is we both needed time to grow!
Fight some demons alone.
Find out what time holds for us.
Find are own rebirths,
That's just human nature.
Walking through this life of sin,
Praying for love to wash me clean again.
But on judgement day,
With every fracture of my aching heart.
At least I can say that I really loved you!
If you count the unknowing-ness a lie?
If you count all of the tears that I cried?
If you count all of my confusion,
And the unanswered doctors notes hiding the truth?
Believe me back than all that I wanted was answers too!
But instead I ended up losing you!
But on judgement day,
With every fracture of my aching heart.
At least I can say that I really loved you!
Movie Reel
Written by George Ryan
We were young,
But the impact you made on my life,
Like this places is forever stained with the hopes of you I.
Because your love waste a drive by.
I didn't need a sign to tell me what I already know.
the night that I met you.
Till the time you have still never looked
me in the eyes and said goodbye.
You just walked away,
Faded into a cloud of smoke.
In the movie reel of my life,
It's your soul that I still look for in the eyes of strangers,
That walks by.
It's sad to say that I still pray for you every night.
I hope you find someone that loves you deeply.
I hope you don't end up spending years lonely and reeling.
Like me.
Needing medication just to help you sleep.
In the movie reel of my life.
I can feel the time ticking away.
Love has not been my friend lately.
In the movie reel of my life.
I am the one that always gets left on the side lines
setting alone.
Wondering how it all went wrong and how I will never get
a chance to make things right.
I went to visit my mom...
She asked about you.
Asked me if you left town,
If you got shipped out,
Like everybody else.
I said I don't know,
and that's the truth.
I haven't been out lately,
I wanted to call but that's not
my place anymore.
Your last name is no longer mine,
So why would you stay in town if you
don't have too?
I just hope that you are ok!
I hope you find love in this new world that
You've created for your self.
I hope you think of me sometimes,
And the hopes you left for us behind.
Faded into a cloud of smoke.
In the movie reel of my life,
It's your soul that I still look for in the eyes of strangers,
That walk by.
It's sad to say that I still pray for you every night.
I hope you find someone that loves you deeply.
I hope you don't end up spending years lonely and reeling.
Like me.
Needing medication just to help you sleep.
In the movie reel of my life.
I can feel the time ticking away.
Love has not been my friend lately.
In the movie reel of my life.
I am the one that always gets left on the side lines
setting alone.
Wondering how it all went wrong and I probably never get
a chance to make things right.
I stopped going to therapy because at this point I sound like a broken record
that I'm trying to fix.
Time took souls and left me to feel abandoned.
Left me to make friends with my demons.
But when I saw you last spring,
You were the only left that I knew standing under the club lights.
You looked the same as you did when you were 19,
That summer night that I met you.
Till the time you have still never looked
me in the eyes and said goodbye.
You just walked away,
Faded into a cloud of smoke.
In the movie reel of my life,
It's your soul that I still look for in the eyes of strangers,
That walk by.
It's sad to say that I still pray for you every night.
I hope you find someone that loves you deeply.
I hope you don't end up spending years lonely and reeling.
Like me.
Needing medication just to help you sleep.
In the movie reel of my life.
I can feel the time ticking away.
Love has not been my friend lately.
In the movie reel of my life.
I am the one that always gets left on the side lines
setting alone.
Wondering how it all went wrong and I probably will never get
a chance to make things right.
I still wish you Happy Birthday every year so you don't forget about me!
Even though you never text me back.
Your turned 25 but I still remember you at 19.
I hate that you took my hand in vain.
I hate that you'll never say the words goodbye to me.
I want that evergreen,
Season after Season kind of love.
In sickness and in health.
I thought that was how you felt!
I thought that was us!
In the movie reel of my life,
It's your soul that I still look for in the eyes of strangers,
That walk by.
It's sad to say that I still pray for you every night.
I hope you find someone that loves you deeply.
I hope you don't end up spending years lonely and reeling.
Like me.
Needing medication just to help you sleep.
In the movie reel of my life.
I can feel the time ticking away.
Love has not been my friend lately.
In the movie reel of my life.
I am the one that always gets left on the side lines
setting alone.
Wondering how it all went wrong and how
I probably will never get a chance to make things right.
We were young,
But the impact you made on my life,
Like this place it's forever stained with the hopes for you I.
Because your love waste a drive by.
I didn't need a sign to tell me what I already know.
the night that I met you.
You never say goodbye.
Just walked away,
Faded into a cloud of smoke.
In the movie reel of my life,
It's your soul that I still look for in the eyes of strangers,
That walk by.
It's sad to say that I still pray for you every night.
I hope you find someone that loves you deeply.
I hope you don't end up spending years lonely and reeling.
Like me.
Needing medication just to help you sleep.
In the movie reel of my life.
I can feel the time ticking away.
Love has not been my friend lately.
In the movie reel of my life.
I am the one that always gets left on the side lines
setting alone.
Wondering how it all went wrong and how
I probably will never get a chance to make things right.
''Smile Again,''
Written by George Ryan.
It's the season for looking back.
On all the false hope and lost love.
This year it's just another footnote.
On this long,
Cold and lonely winters nights.
and beautiful words that mends the hurt,
For another long lonely year to come.
Your greatest sorrows is your greatest strength.
I've never known love.
I have only known use,
manipulation and greed.
And what it feels like for someone to take your hand
in vain.
So I have never known love...
But I have felt it!
I only know peace comes with a candle lit
and the heater on.
With the windows closed because this weather
is more depressing then my mind.
And my soul that is still trying to find
beautiful words that mends the hurt,
For another long lonely year to come.
Your greatest sorrows is your greatest strength.
I just want to smile again...
And mean it!
I may not be a perfect 10,
but perfect is so overrated!
I just want someone with a pure heart
and good intentions.
Someone who can bring life back into my dead soul,
And my caged heart that's been fighting for love more than
love has been fighting for me.
Yet I still always end up loveless and lonely.
All that I have left is this type writer mindset.
I just want to smile again...
And mean it!
I may not be a perfect 10,
But even through the bad times,
You said that I make you feel wanted.
I can't cherry pick the seasons.
I can't change your heart,
if you will never believe in me again.
This days I don't know how much you are
saying is a lie or fiction?
This days my days and nights feel more
fulfilled with ink and tears.
Rather than social soulless interactions.
That never goes deeper than a friendship/Situation-ship,
Who only makes your soul feel alive when it is convenient
for him.
I only know peace comes with a candle lit
and the heater on.
With the windows closed because this weather
is more depressing then my mind.
And my soul that is still trying to find
beautiful words that mends the hurt,
For another long lonely year to come.
Your greatest sorrows is your greatest strength.
I just want to smile again...
And mean it!
I may not be a perfect 10,
but perfect is so overrated!
I just want someone with a pure heart
and good intentions.
Someone who can bring life back into my dead soul,
And my caged heart that's been fighting for love more than
love has been fighting for me.
Yet I still always end up loveless and lonely.
All that I have left is this type writer mindset.
The greatest losses are always the words left unsaid.
I just want to smile again...
And mean it!
I may not be a perfect 10,
But even through all of the bad times,
You said that I make you feel loved and wanted.
In the best view,
In the best kind of world,
Where broken souls fix broken souls,
Without even trying.
The medicine that no on ever talks about needed.
Only to end up reeling from the past 19 hours
in a random hotel room,
In the middle of no where.
Two hours away from home.
Looking back are lost souls always find each other,
When are hearts are breaking and we are always
to afraid to ask why?
Or it is never the right time.
Blazed, Sexy and blue.
I don't know what it means?
But with are hands up,
You got me in a bar on a random Thursday night.
In the middle of December.
In sweat pants and a hoodie.
Even after everything that you have done to me,
I know right then and there that I would do anything
just to see you smiling again.
But the truth is that,
I only know peace comes with a candle lit
and the heater on.
With the windows closed because this weather
is more depressing then my mind.
And my soul that is still trying to find
beautiful words that mends the hurt,
For another long lonely year to come.
Your greatest sorrows is your greatest strength.
I just want to smile again...
And mean it!
I may not be a perfect 10,
but perfect is so overrated!
I just want someone with a pure heart
and good intentions.
Someone who can bring life back into my dead soul,
And my caged heart that's been fighting for love more than
love has been fighting for me.
Yet I still always end up loveless and lonely.
All that I have left is this type writer mindset.
The greatest losses are always the words left unsaid.
I just want to smile again...
And mean it!
I may not be a perfect 10,
But even through all of the bad times,
You said that I make you feel loved and wanted.
It's the season for looking back.
On all the false hope and lost love.
This year it's just another footnote.
On this long,
Cold and lonely winters night.
and beautiful words that mends the hurt,
For another long lonely year to come.
Your greatest sorrows is your greatest strength
.
I've never known love.
I have only known use,
manipulation and greed.
And what it feels like for someone to take your hand
in vain.
So I have never known love...
But I have felt it!
In the footnotes that lay there with all of the false hope.
Finding strength in the greatest sorrows.
In the greatest losses that is where my heart is.
But even through all of the bad times,
You made my soul smile through all of it!
It was the way that you said that I made you feel loved and wanted.
Candle lit Sad Song.
Written by George Ryan.
My judge-less heart has never been enough,
To make anybody stay.
My actions always turn to dust.
Like my soul in everybody's free willed hands,
That I once called love.
Has now burned all of my trust but not my bridges.
I spend my days on high grounds and high notes.
The tree of life is the only thing that can heal my aching soul,
Even when I pray my spirit tell me to write it out.
You can only be a free willed soul for so long.
Until you've watched so many seasons change,
And all that you get is....
Another candle lit sad song,
To feel the emptiness inside.
Microwave chicken and rice for breakfast and dinner.
Drive a couple of hours to clear my mind.
Midnight fireworks outside my window reminded me of that fourth
of July,
When you were mine,
And your eyes felt like a shelter of light,
Now it's another restless soul kind of night,
Trying to make this studio apartment feel like a home.
Now all that I have left is the memories of what was,
What is and could've been.
And another candle lit sad song.
Because as a writer my mind always dares to go there again.
I spend my days looking forward to going back to bed
by 7:30.
I spend my nights dreaming in the past-tense of life,
I wish that I could control it!
But as a writer I guess that's where the pain in my chest
takes another hit.
I hardly go into places anymore,
The last time that I went in a store,
The cashier looked in my eyes,
She said you look tired,
And all that I could say....Was I know!
It's getting harder to hide it.
I wish that I could blame this feeling
on a break up.
But the trust is that you can only be a free willed soul for so long.
Until you've watched so many seasons change,
And all that you get is....
Another candle lit sad song,
To feel the emptiness inside.
Microwave chicken and rice for breakfast and dinner.
Drive a couple of hours to clear my mind.
Midnight fireworks outside my window reminded me of that fourth
of July,
When you were mine,
And your eyes felt like a shelter of light,
Now it's another restless soul kind of night.
Trying to make this studio apartment feel like a home.
Now all that I have left is the memories of what was,
What is and could've been.
And another candle lit sad song.
Because as a writer my mind always dares to go there again.
All that I have ever tried to do,
Is love judgement free.
But all that I ever get is love riped apart from me.
From everybody's free willed hands,
Covered in lack of miscommunication and understanding.
It's always the right kind of love
but always the wrong timing.
Sometimes the high ground and high notes,
Are the only thing that ease the pain of this
loveless life.
With my hands covered in ink,
And my eyes covered in the footnotes of love,
Of what could've been.
That's growing dimmer by the years.
This tears won't help me grow my tree of life.
I wish that I could blame this feeling
on a break up.
But the trust is that you can only be a free willed soul for so long.
Until you've watched so many seasons change,
And all that you get is....
Another candle lit sad song,
To feel the emptiness inside.
Microwave chicken and rice for breakfast and dinner.
Drive a couple of hours to clear my mind.
Fireworks outside my window reminded me of that fourth
of July,
When you were mine,
And your eyes felt like a shelter of light,
Now it's another restless soul kind of night.
Trying to make this studio apartment feel like a home.
Now all that I have left is the memories of what was,
What is and could've been.
And another candle lit sad song.
Because as a writer my mind always dares to go there again.
One last time for memories sake.
Because I know now that they shipped you over seas.
I will never be able to come back into this club on church st again.
Without being in so much pain.
All that I have known since I was 18,
Was looking forward to seeing you under those light,
Even if it was every once in awhile,
Just to know that you were alright.
Maybe it was stupid of me but I thought once we got a better old,
Are souls would travel back to each other.
Maybe are love was faded but had to many free willed hands
wrapped around it.
I am 24...And already divorced.
I guess that now you don't have a reason to come back.
I spend my days on high grounds and high notes.
The tree of life is the only thing that can heal my aching soul,
Even when I pray my spirit tell me to write it out.
You can only be a free willed soul for so long.
Until you've watched so many seasons change,
And all that you get is....
Another candle lit sad song,
To feel the emptiness inside.
Microwave chicken and rice for breakfast and dinner.
Drive a couple of hours to clear my mind.
Midnight fireworks outside my window reminded me of that fourth
of July,
When you were mine,
And your eyes felt like a shelter of light,
Now it's another restless soul kind of night,
Trying to make this studio apartment feel like a home.
Now all that I have left is the memories of what was,
What is and could've been.
And another candle lit sad song.
Because as a writer my mind always dares to go there again.
One last time for memories sake.
As I sat there in the parking lot,
With tears streaming down my face.
I though maybe the only reason I am going
in is for the closure that I never got.
This place use to feel like a second home
with the false hopes for us that it held.
So I turned my car around,
Instead of going in.
I turned the volume up on a CD that holds
the soundtrack of my youth.
To the summer that I meet you!
Apartment Doors.
Written by George Ryan.
You speak,
I listen,
You say that you love me but not enough to make me your home.
So I always end up driving home alone.
I guess that I should be use to it by now.
You always end up needing my warmth,
When the leaves fall off the trees.
This makes 4 years now!
You even said that I am one of the only people
who have never let you down.
But you are not ready to come out yet.
You said that you probably won't be for a long time.
You say that you love me but not enough to make me your home.
So I always end up driving home alone.
I guess that I should be use to it by now.
True love never leaves your heart,
Even if it leaves your life.
And you start to fade into my dreams at night.
The blood moon makes for good ink,
To cover up the hurt of life's sting.
Behind this..Apartment doors,
Were I can let this sorrows mend my bones,
And the only thing keeping me alive,
Is the false hope,
For love that never fades but never grows.
I live with my windows closed,
But my door open.
Because the only two things that I have watched fade,
Is my youth.
And the only thing that I have left is my peace of mind,
Until it fades into madly.
I am too lost in this sadness to come in for a drink.
So I end up driving home alone.
Replaying when love felt like a blue neighbor,
In the summer days of my youth.
I am 24 so guess that I should be use to this pain by now.
True love never leaves your heart,
Even if it leaves your life.
And you start to fade into my dreams at night.
The blood moon makes for good ink,
To cover up the hurt of life's sting.
Behind this..Apartment doors,
Were I can let this sorrows mend my bones,
And the only thing keeping me alive,
Is the false hope,
For love that never fades but never grows.
I moved out but I still haven't moved on,
But I am trying too!
I build me a life in a college town but it's not the same.
Bare walls because I needed a slate.
But my heart and soul,
Will always want a fresh start with you.
Now you moved so far away,
That you had to change phone number.
I guess that I should be use to this soul ache by now.
Because it's that's the only thing that didn't leave this town.
I am too lost in this sadness to come in for a drink.
So I end up driving home alone.
I am 24 so guess that I should be use to this pain by now.
True love never leaves your heart,
Even if it leaves your life.
And you start to fade into my dreams at night.
The blood moon makes for good ink,
To cover up the hurt of life's sting.
Behind this..Apartment doors,
Were I can let this sorrows mend my bones,
And the only thing keeping me alive,
Is the false hope,
For love that never fades but never grows.
Even though you never fought for me,
You always come around like a wasted dream.
A placeholder to an aching heart.
A footnote of warmth in the winter,
That I hate to admit it that I needed you,
To be able to come into this bar again.
Because I never can alone.
Are love as grown to the point where,
We can no longer be just friends.
But you are not ready to come out yet.
You said that you probably won't be for a long time.
You say that you love me but not enough to make me your home.
So I always end up driving home alone.
I am 24 I guess that I should be use to this kind of pain by now.
True love never leaves your heart,
Even if it leaves your life.
And you start to fade into my dreams at night.
The blood moon makes for good ink,
To cover up the hurt of life's sting.
Behind this..Apartment doors,
Were I can let this sorrows mend my bones,
And the only thing keeping me alive,
Is the false hope,
For love that never fades but never grows.
I moved out but I still haven't moved on,
But I am trying too!
I build me a life in a college town but it's not the same.
Bare walls because I needed a slate.
But my heart and soul,
Will always want a fresh start with you.
Now you moved so far away,
That you had to change phone numbers.
I guess that I should be use to this soul ache by now.
Because that's the only thing that didn't leave this town.
True love never leaves your heart,
Even if it leaves your life.
And you start to fade into my dreams at night.
The blood moon makes for good ink,
To cover up the hurt of life's sting.
Behind this..Apartment doors.