[maybe i'll edit this someday...]
. ∙ ☾ ∙ .
Tossing and turning will never not be the most annoying part of a long night: the constant creaking and shuffling, the constant indecisiveness, the feeling of endlessness. As if there was a guarded door leading to the sleeping realm, you forgot your ID and now all you can do is watch as the otters get in instead of you. It's the way you can't stand the feeling of your blanket touching your body, just to cover yourself back up with it because you feel too revealed. It's the way the usually so comforting mattress feels bothersome. It's the way you know you just have to stop focusing on it and sleep will come but you just can't.
It's the way you regret letting someone share your bed. And that the certain someone is also a walking heater, that malfunctions under the effect of his emotions.
"Kai, I feel like if you turn one more time, you're gonna set my bed on fire." When the silence got finally broken, the fire ninja stopped moving for the first time since they tried to go to sleep. Cole looked at his back – the only thing he could see. But he didn't need to see Kai's face to know what it looked like at the moment (which doesn't mean he would mind seeing that face).
It is almost void of any visible emotion except for the slight wrinkle in between his sharp eyebrows. His eyes are focused on one particular point, seeming as if he was trying to figure out how to use telekinesis.
It's the look that means invisible trouble. After all, Kai won't just go around saying what is bothering him.
"Kiss for your thoughts?" He hoped it would make his lips at least twitch a little.
Then Kai turned again, this time to face Cole and not to fight the stupid guard (what would he need an ID for anyway? Everyone's a regular!). And when he finally got to see his face again, his theory proved to be right. Kai's face looked exactly like it always did in a situation like this. The kind of look that made Cole want to bash his head into a wall simply because Kai was always so impossible. He may have been the all-mighty master of earth, but Kai's pensiveness was the hardest rock to crack. He failed many times trying to do just that.
"Come on, talk to me," he said carefully as if taming a scared animal. Which was probably how Kai felt on the inside. "What's bothering you?"
But his boyfriend didn't respond and instead continued on staring into the void that seemed to be in front of his eyes.
"Look, if you're gonna shuffle like that all night, you're losing your sharing-my-bed privileges," he tried to joke. Joking usually works, right?
Not this time. However, it made Kai finally look at him and actually see him. It only made Cole's worries to grow. This was the first time they slept together, maybe it was his fault? Or maybe Kai had always been like this and only now Cole is getting such insight. The fiery guy was often complaining about having trouble sleeping – which was also what got them in such a position in the first place.
Cole reached out with his hand, cupping Kai's cheek while tracing the dark circle under his eye with his thumb. Kai moved his head closer.
"I'm here," Cole whispered. The tosser-and-turner was biting his lip, most likely thinking about what to say and what to keep locked in the chest his mind was. Getting to know Kai was like a treasure hunt (and not just because Kai was a treasure to Cole). Whenever he thought he was close, he hit another wall, another obstacle. Kai wanted to help him, he knew it. He could see it in his eyes, hear it in his word.
Then he finally answered, "I dunno, Cole. There's just... a lot on my mind right now."
"Let me guess – it's like that every night?"
"Well, not every–" The look in Cole's eyes made him shut up. Point was made. Cole moved his hand and the feeling of his arm draped over Kai's body was so much better than the irritating blanket.
"Well," Cole started after the moment of silence, "do you wanna talk about it?"
"I dunno..." And when he said it, he could see the shift in Cole's eyes. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. He didn't let him in again. "I don't know where to start. I mean – it's like really messy hair, you know? It's– it's a big ball of tangled headphones..." he rambled on and Cole just listened and nodded in understanding. It made Kai stop talking again, just to stare at the – barely visible in the dark – face of the person that meant the world to him. How he managed to keep the best human being in the world near him was a mystery. It made him cry a few times, realising how much Cole matters to him. How wonderful he is, so understanding and patient. So loving and caring, despite how much mess of a person Kai is.
"What?" Cole asked, which put a tiny smile on Kai's lips.
"I love you," he muttered.
The words "I love you" always felt so... not enough to him. How are three stupid words supposed to convey the entire message? I love you just simply isn't enough. It doesn't say how many times Kai spent thinking about Cole and about Cole and him together. It doesn't say how he makes him feel like a living wildfire – and that's not talking about his own powers. It doesn't say what he feels. he can't say what he feels, but he so desperately wants to.
But then Cole's eyes seem to twinkle despite no light being in the room and Kai feels like he got the message. Cole rubs his back and plays with his hair and he hugs him and kisses him and it almost feels like they don't even need words. They don't even need those stupid three words that Kai used to choke on since he was a child. They sit together on a couch, maybe even just doing nothing, and everything just feels right, everything makes perfect sense.
It was Cole's turn to move his head closer. He whispered, "Want me to get your mind off things then?" only to receive a puzzled look from his beloved. Kai snorted unsurely.
"And how exactly are you gonna do–" His words got lost in between their lips. His eyes closed – and maybe he saw nothing, maybe he saw a firework show, maybe he saw a nice vision of a calm future.
But he knew he felt like floating. Suddenly, the discomfort of the mattress, the heaviness of the blanket were gone. He could just feel electric shocks, fire all over his skin and the weird heaviness of his stomach that always appears when you fall. But it felt nice. You could say Kai was almost addicted to the feeling. Not only because it made his mind go radio silent. After long years he felt like he actually deserved something for himself. All his life, all he had done was for Nya. Never stopping for a minute to enjoy something for himself. His life was full of sacrifices. And if not for his sister, then for his brothers. And if not for his brothers, then for the entire world.
But when Cole traced his fingers along his skin and through his hair and when his lips touched Kai's, he felt that it was time for him to enjoy something.
They parted, faces mere inches apart. Kai opened his eyes. It felt like a dream. A beautiful, eternal dream. Cole's long lashes twitch as he also opened his eyes. Those beautiful eyes that always looked at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. those eyes that made him get all red and jittery. Eyes that made him lose his breath and his senses.
Kai could feel Cole's cold hands on his skin that almost felt as if he was on fire. The touch sent chills down his spine and he shuffled closer, breathing out a barely audible, "You know, that was a dumb question."
Cole smiled, making Kai's attention focus on the lips he just couldn't get enough of.
"So, I'm guessing it worked?"
Instead of an answer, Kai kissed the corner of Cole's mouth, despite his mind begging to go for the centre. He heard the amused huff from his boyfriend and smiled himself.
Kai's hand travelled along Cole's arm until it found its companion. He held it and moved them to the space between them, to stare at their intertwined fingers. Cole's gaze followed. There was barely any light in the room – the only source being the moon shining brightly on the dark blue canvas. It was nearly full moon.
Everything felt so still, as steady as a water surface. Must've been the silence of the entire building that made them both forget about the outer world. Oddly enough, there was not any cricket chirping coming from the opened window. No late owls howling. It was just their breaths and the rustling of the fabrics that could be heard. That and occasional soft chuckles.
Kai's hand wandered all the way around Cole's chest, while the earth ninja was not able to take his eyes off Kai.
As if his touch was making a map, his fingers traced Cole's collarbones and pecs until they stopped where his heart is. He could feel the beat, the oh-so-familiar rhythm. His hand was rising and falling as Cole breathed. He could find some of the scars they had all collected throughout the years.
"I didn't know you had a birthmark here," he said and touched the spot with his fingers. Cole glanced at it before turning his gaze back to Kai's face. He shrugged before cupping Kai's cheek again, his hand then slid to his ear.
"Hm, I didn't know about the scar behind your ear either..."
"How'd you–"
"You keep rubbing it when you're bored."
It was a long night. Almost endless, it felt. The pair couldn't keep their hands off one another. Scars and marks were discovered, stories were told. A small childhood accident, a near–death experience. Some findings were unknown to both Most importantly, through it all, Kai's mess of thoughts got eventually eased down until his mind felt lighter. He totally forgot about it, the same way they both forgot about the main reason for being in bed – getting some sleep. They stole some kisses and shared some giggles like the happy lovers in books do. It was just Cole, Kai, and the Moon watching over them as they shared some calm intimate moments. Moments that will be cherished during a dangerous fight. Moments that will be looked after somewhere in the distant future.
And maybe they stayed up through all of the impossible night. Maybe they fell asleep eventually, exhaustion finally taking over. But it was them. Them against the world. Them against the frustrating tossing and turning.