7.5k words: a synopsis of acts: time-skip, crying, assurance, guilt, fluff, threats of death, comforting, eavesdropping, reality, clearing delusions, talks of the pass + subtle fluffy acts + potential more & vote! ignore errors.
Carelessly conducting your movements, you bring yourself to stir awake. Stir awake to be met with the mere sight of Eren, capturing you within his arms.
Eren holds you dearly while he's captivated within a dream-like state, clinging onto you as if you gifted the safety many so desperately yearned for. Safety that allows him to feel at peace, to feel comfortable within himself and beautifully flourish. He could only sleep so effortlessly with you around.
Though peace occurred within such a gifting moment, the sound of your phone poured into the setting. The sound of your ringtone leaves you wincing as you bring yourself to carefully shift out of Eren's grasp.
A grasp you didn't desire to stray away from — becoming distant — even if it was only a momentary occurrence. Eren's clasp is one so well and assuring, that you couldn't pull so effortlessly away from him.
Softly, you command yourself into settling up — pulling from such a comforting grasp. With tiredness, you bring yourself to sit up — catching your phone from the distant side table.
After doing so, you coddle the phone within your fingers — allowing your body to remain upright as you are attentive to the caller ID.
It seemed as if Levi was calling you to grow heavily aware towards the mental state you resided in; his heart only yearned for the best that lingers for you.
"Hello, Levi," A tender shuffle is distributed by you as you remain attentive, a gentle smile resting upon your lips. Resting upon your lips despite how tiresome you are, rooting for silence to lull you within Eren's arms.
"Hey, Y/n," Levi brings himself to eerily halt on the other side, "How have you been?" Levi's tone is one so soft. One that leaves you intaking the beauty of his nature.
"I'd say good, but Paris is so confusing," A sullen undertone lingers beneath your voice, leaving you unable to determine whether or not your heart is to abide or diminish from the entirety of Paris.
"Don't tell me you're thinking about Eren?" Levi's words cause you to be unmoving, glimpsing at a stirring Eren as he is in search of your arms.
In search, Eren frowns — unwilling to settle further without the sensation that smeared him with serenity.
"I'm—"
"—Y/n, come back to bed," Eren groans as he brings himself to sit up, causality lingering within his viridian eyes. His eyes hold a sense of loss, due to you failing to disclose him to the part of you that's answered the phone call.
"Y/n, is that who I think it is?" Disdain erupts from Levi's conflicted tone.
It appears he had captured what it is you are engaging with. Naturally, Levi finds himself so heavily disappointed by the fact that you still effortlessly cling to the entirety of Eren.
"Levi, I know Eren's here," Your fingers branch out with anxiety, "But, I feel like I'm doing this for me," Tears begin to build within your eyes, "Maybe, maybe this is the way I'm supposed to grieve?" Levi sighs at the words you carelessly plant in the atmosphere; you were attempting to conceal the gaping wound within your swaying heart.
"You can't grieve with someone you love," Levi sighs, "You grieve on your own before get to a stage where you feel like you're ready to let them in or not." A tear slips from your eye as Eren brings himself to slip out of the covers, settling himself beside a conflicted you.
"I know that," A softness overwhelms your heart, you're firm with untimely guilt, "I know that, but I still want to give him a chance." Eren also listens to your tender words, bringing his comforting arms around your supple waist — his indecisive head upon your shoulder.
"Only you get to decide what you want to do, Y/n," Eren speaks with softness as you bask within his warmth, "No matter how much input is given, follow your heart and mind, even if it's selfish." His words string you within a fit of confusion; you could only cling to him with ample defeat.
"Eren, you already know what I want," Your heart thuds so painfully, "I don't even want to say it out loud." His head remains settled upon your neck as you sigh at the straightforward advice spewed; you believed this second chance would seal it all.
"I'm not going to let her go again, Levi," Eren's eyes are smeared with sullenness as he could only relish the feeling of you. Relish a feeling he was always so regretful of losing sight of.
"If you truly love her, and if you're both truly meant to be again, you know you would try to keep her forever." Levi could only sigh at listening to Eren's voice for the first time in months; Levi hadn't informed the two of you that he held contact with you both.
"I'm not losing her again," Eren's tone carelessly crumbles, "I can't lose her again." Eren brings himself to further add on, allowing his presence to plague you — he swarms you with such softness.
"She can't lose you, too," A rigidness is detected within Levi's sacred voice, "The two of you are still so in love with each other, stop fucking around." Delicateness dwindles within his tone as he makes sure the both of you are heavily aware of how stupid you both are.
"Eren has to work for me, so there is going to be some fucking around," Eren couldn't help but chuckle at your improper phrasing, allowing his fingers to settle so dearly upon your stomach. So dearly as you relish the disappointment that Levi spews so effortlessly.
"Work for you?" Levi's sighs glisten against your ears, "Yet, he's in your bed?" Levi's query brings a sense of numbness to you. Numbness coats you as you bring your hand against Eren's, unwilling to shift away.
"That, I don't know what to say," A softness prevails, "It's hard not cuddling with someone who feels like home." Eren brings your words to settle so comfortably within his ears, leaving him so gleeful against you.
"Within those years apart, you slept fine on your own," Levi's disappointment is so prominent, "Stay true to yourself, don't settle for something that feels like home."
At his lush words, you still your lips. Still your lips as you ready yourself to spew words of assurance. Assurance that you knew you were unable to stay true to. Assurance that's unwilling to guide you to the truth you desperately sought. A truth many are unable to settle their likeliness upon; conflict and tension rubbed upon any unsettled ties.
"You built a good life, so don't let the past make you feel as if you have to go through that all again," A slight ruggedness lingers in his tone, "Only you know what's best, but don't get blinded." The phone line stills.
"I'm not taking him back so easily," A slight sullenness tints Eren's demeanour, especially as he feels your hold firm against his delicate hand.
"Stay true to yourself," Levi's words elicit assurance, "I'll be in Paris soon, but stay true to yourself." Eren's heart pounds vigorously against your back, all as the line falls to the fate of silence.
"I will," With a subtle coldness subtracting the warmth of the room, you adjust your position — allowing your fatigued head to rest against Eren's broad chest. To rest as your heart pulsated with confusion and guilt.
"I know that I still want you, but are you sure it's best if you're trying to convince yourself?" Eren's tender words cause you to grasp onto him closer, your body trembling firmly. Firmly as you collapsed against his tender touch, toasted with a homely warmth.
"I'm just taking it slow," A slight ounce of hesitation is drawn from you, "I'm too afraid to lose you once more, I can't do that again." Your hold upon him only matures more seriously. Matures as he returns the gesture, his demeanour radiating sullenness.
"Are you sure this can even work out?" Eren is incapable of comprising his sorrow; his emotions exacerbate his vulnerability.
A part of himself diminishes, his happiness, as he presumes a destiny that doesn't retain you.
"If we make it work, we can," You declare, pulling back to entitle your nimble fingers to plague his cheek. Plague his cheek as he momentarily sealed his eyes with recurring solace.
"I don't want history to repeat itself," Eren affirms, his viridian eyes terribly delicate and vulnerable. Delicate and vulnerable as a singular tear slumbers upon the tip of your brittle finger.
"Then, we can't let it, Eren," His heart softens whilst you place your free hand against his heart.
Eren could only beautifully halt at the contact, grasping onto your hand upon his heart. His eyes are sealed shut as he relishes the feeling of your smaller hand, breathing heavily whilst he brings himself to envision a delightful future with you. A future he is unaware if it is set to occur or not. His heart danced in the same way yours danced.
"I want to continue to be yours, as I've always been," Softly, you bring yourself to grasp upon him firmer — only for your eyes to drift to the door. Drift to the door to observe it swiftly open, Andreaus lingered. He's readying himself to enter the room, rather hesitant.
"I always want to be yours again, but with life being so different to how it used to be, and having to go back to England in a few months, do you think we can make it work on your behalf?" A smile sits upon Eren's lips. Sits as you tilt your head up, your eyes twinkling at the serene scenery of him.
"Yeah, I'll do anything," Eren's eyes are coated with an effortless moonlight, "As I said before, this time, I'm ensuring your safety by protecting you through fighting." He places his hand upon the back of your head, bringing you against his chest — lulling you with safeness.
"I don't want you to get hurt, Eren," You feel tears prick within your eyes, "I've lost you once, never again." Unable to conceal your emotions, you allow your tears to smear upon his shirt.
"You won't lose me," Eren grasps you further, lifting you up and binding you around his toned waist. He couldn't help but softly inhale the aroma of you, his gaze warn with narrow worry but overwhelming faith.
"Promise me?" You couldn't help but hold onto him firmer, clutching onto the back of his head — relishing the feeling of his lengthy hair. Relish the feeling as you feared him potentially getting injured.
"I promise," Eren's awareness upon you is assuring, "I'm not going anywhere, I can promise that," Fittingly, Eren's lips are tender as he brushes them up on the side of your supple neck — gifting you the devotion he was once unfit to grant you.
"I gave you the necklace for a reason, I'll fight so hard for you," A softness overwhelms his tone so effortlessly, especially as you bring yourself to move your lips to resolve upon his neck — permitting yourself to handle him feverishly tense against you.
"Okay," Careless, you drift your skilful fingers further down his hair — beautifully placing your forehead upon his own. In a way that retrieved the safeness you so dearly felt, despite being so desperate to head to bed.
"Do you want me to just hold you like this?" Eren questions with sincerity bundled on the tip of his timid tongue.
"Yeah, it's about us tonight," A slither of tears slipped down from your eyes, with your forehead upon his own. It's as if Eren's made conscious of the pain you dearly feel, your tears flourishing before his eyes.
"We'll have more nights like this," In a way of providing aid, Eren pulls you so heavily closer — listening to the loud sobs that tore from the heart of your mind.
"For four years, all I've ever wanted was to be held by you like this," Your heart seizes with anguish, "To be told you love me, to be cuddled, given head kisses, to be greeted by your voice." His brittle hand shapes around the back of your head, his lips besetting your forehead.
"That's all I've ever wanted," Gloomily, Eren's lips speak with pity — their reference linking so heavily to the heartsickness you retained within your heart.
"It's just been so hard without you, Eren," Weightless, you bring yourself to cry further.
Pitifully, Eren comfortably soothes the turmoil within your heart. An emotion that had twisted into a grotesque ash.
"I know, but I'm here now, lotus," Eren's tone is affluent with softness and exquisite certainty, "I'll be with you, every step of the way, you'll never be alone again." His words stir your heart with subtle assurance but apprehension at potentially being left so forlorn.
"T-That's what you said last time, Eren," Tragically, you err to open your eyes. Fail just to experience the vividness of his emotions. To feel the hurt that he lost his emotions to.
"But, I'm not the same, lotus," Eren's pleas are as if he desires to boulder through the borders of impairment that blanket your heart.
It's as if it's his way of speaking so effortlessly to your heart; the part that's so desperately in tune with the entirety of his own.
"I know that, and that's what I'm scared of," He lets out a gasp of knowingness, "I'm afraid that every moment I spend with you, I don't know if it'll be our last again," You attempt to blunt your words, "Just this time, forever." He brings you closer to him, his hold assuring and further promising.
"No, don't think like that," Eren grasps onto the back of your neck, "I-I'd never, ever, ever, leave you again or forever." His comforting nature slowly progresses into a more corroded and sullen state, over the years.
"For four years, against my will, I would cry over the fact that I had to give you up," Eren trembles with a written fear, "Knowing that, knowing that, I just wanted to die, but meeting you again kept me going." He bundles you further, a hand of his upon your supple waist.
"Every time I smelt your familiar scent, I felt happiness but sadness overtakes me," His tone grows strained, "For all those years, I've spent time trying to love me, just so I can love you harder, for when we next meet." Gasping, you pull him much closer to the entirety of you — attempting to stabilise your tainted breathing.
"And, I still love you more than any little thing in this stupid life," His heart continues to pour its words, "I just want to be yours, I can't see myself not loving you, especially with how much I love you." Eren feels as you continue to intensely draw him closer to you. Closer to you in a way where he can glance at the ache that overtook you.
"Show me that through everything you do," A slight shift in your tone grows apparent, "To love you again is to potentially face the same fate again, so win my new heart." Eren nods vigorously, his lips forming a soft and safe smile.
"I'm going to do anything to be yours again," Eren's body softens against your own, leaving nervousness to plague you — he already felt like home to you.
"Come here," Despite your closeness, you couldn't help but inch him closer to him, settling your head against his shoulder — your breathing caressing his flustered neck.
"How much closer can I get?" Eren questions, his hold firm and assuring — his legs not bucking once.
A part of him felt as if he remained reliving old memories, especially as whenever you grew sombre, he'd hold you in this manner, his plush lips upon your neck.
"C-Closer, Eren," At your murmurs of softness, he brings himself to scatter further kisses upon your neck, causing you to inch your neck back at his movements of desperation. Movements that beautifully capture the supple skin that coats your neck, the curve of your neck — along with the soft pulse that beats against the feeling of his treasured lips.
"Your skin, it's so soft," Eren's lips part with enthralment, happiness, glee, adrenaline, "I-I've missed kissing your skin like this," His longing tone subconsciously adapts to a sense of awe, his giddy side being so beautifully displayed.
"Let's not go too fast, Eren," A soft smile overtakes your lips, "I know how you are, it's obvious you're going to be blushing all night." Eren's eyes wander off with shyness, especially as he can't help but worship every part of you — welcoming himself back home.
"You're just so radiant, so beautiful, so soft and it's hard to go into how beautiful you truly are," A ripple of awe overtakes your body at his words, "Thank you for giving me the chance to be yours again." Admirably, Eren adds on, his breathing strained at the mere fact that he holds you this close within his muscular arms.
"Don't make me regret it," You apply a small kiss upon the top of his head of hair, "Your hair smells so nice. Now, cuddle up with me tonight." He attempts to conceal his contentment, to no avail.
"I guess this means we're sleeping early?" Eren says, slightly swaying the two of you with beautiful delight.
"Our old routine," Slight sombreness tints your words, but on time, you allow it to flee — especially as he caught and freed the burdensome topic.
"Let me take us there," He speaks with such love, his tone sculpted with every essence of peace there is.
It pulls you into a state of new beginnings, and operant peace. A peace that remains through your indifferences, temporarily boiling over.
—
With colliding waves loitering, dancing seas, swirling with the artistry of mesmerisation, you rest against the arid sand. Arid sand that prickles the ends of your fingertips. Prickles the end whilst you remain beside Levi, your heart remains stolen by the peaceful waves that uninstalled a conflicting reality. A reality that you are aware you are unable to so desperately fade away from, no matter how empty yet fulfilling life frames itself to be.
With your fingers coating the sand, your sundress slightly blanketed with sand, you tilt your head at an angle, being met with the mere sight of Levi beside your sullen self. Your sullen self that intakes the silence with him, attempting to piece together your conflicted heart. All you yearn for is not a clear answer your heart holds. It conflicts and terrorises your beautiful mind.
"Levi, it hurts to still be in love with Eren," You lean your head against your knees, "I love him so much, but I'm still scared, no matter how many times I tell him." Soft tears skim from your eyes, especially while you also ponder on the beautiful cuddling he engaged in with you.
"Are you scared because you love him so much? Or, scared because you're trying to stop feeling for him entirely?" He halts, "It seems to me, you love him so much, but you're trying to prevent the heartbreak?"
"Scared because I can't lose him again," You intake the cool rows of soothing air, "Whilst holding him last night, looking at his peaceful face, how comfortable he is, how he got up to question my well-being, protecting me, it made me realise it." Intaking your words, you glance at the sight of Levi.
"You're still so stupidly in love with him?" Levi questions, running his fingers along his tender scars — his heart so torn and remorseful towards you.
With everything you have.
"I am, and I know I can't even try to tell him I am not," Soft tears apprehend your cheek, "Feeling his arms, his love, his soft breathing, his familiar self, it made me fall more in love with him." Mellowness overtakes your conflicted demeanour.
"He even told me that he loves me, Levi," A slight tremble overtakes you, especially whilst you wrap your fingers around the necklace Eren gifted you the night before.
"Do you love him?" Levi questions your crying self, glancing ahead of the sacred, cerulean sea in front of him. Glancing in front as his wheelchair chills so effortlessly in front of a sitting you.
"With everything I have, but I don't want to give in to him so easily," A subtle pigment of doubt surpasses you, "He's still so alike to his old self, and I can't help but want to be with him again." Guilt overtakes your tone.
"Just one thing, do you genuinely see the two of you working out again?" Levi's heart grows extremely content towards such a tender moment, being sure to stain you with a lack of hope.
"If I truly have to speak, I can see the two of us so loving again," You lull, "As long as he does his part, loving me forever like he used to, then we're fine." Levi softly smiles at your words, enjoying the fact that you are finally beginning to disclose your bandaged heart.
"Eren's reason for leaving is dangerous," Levi scoffs, "But if he's willing to protect you, without hurting your heart this time, you do what you think is best." Levi advises you, his heart tinted with love and a wish that is only provided to every rare heartbeat pattern of yours.
"I should ask him to meet with you soon, since he also left you, too," Levi slightly shifts his wheelchair, his eyes sombre — cast to the wailing ocean. His lips grow into a frown, especially as he's captured by melancholy hues.
"If that's what you want to do," Levi says, listening to the lost crashing of the dismal waves.
"Shush, you know you want to see him again," A soft sigh slips from Levi's desolate word bank, all as he is rendered speechless — he held not a single firm word or intention.
"It doesn't matter," Levi relaxes further within his wheelchair, "He can find me when it's his time to realise that he misses me." Levi's words cause a softness to infiltrate the entirety of your body, aiding the heartiness you feel towards the situation.
"If he's still the same him, that's bound to be extremely soon," A temperate quietude graces the both of you, particularly as you allow reality to coat the both of you — your hearts so mellow yet so cold with conflict.
"Go. Go, speak to him," Levi encourages you, knowing that you are set to bring yourself to take him to his home soon. Since you are the one driving, being sure to maintain the condition he remains within.
A condition that happened due to an explosion that occurred, one that scarred his beautiful face, robbing the sight within one of his eyes, painting his leg with a wound and so many other abscesses that strained his ability to walk.
On top of the suffering you had to endure through the four years of endless suffering, you had also taken care of Levi — aiding him to a point that allowed him to remain set put.
"Yeah," You murmur, your lips forming into a soft frown — especially as you intake the mere sight of security lingering nearby. It seems Andreaus wasn't too proud of how so much company riddled the beach.
Well, it's only the both of you and a few seagulls.
—
In the depths of the ample castle, your heart soaring with ample emotions, you can't help but effortlessly run across the halls — your movements tender as you direct yourself so carefully towards the art room.
Your demeanour is light, blooming with flowers of serenity, petals of tender love and hope — prospering right before your eyes.
Carefully remaining in front of the art room door, you notice a small sliver is exposed to you — bringing you to so foolishly halt.
As you halt, you are met with the sight of Eren and Jean displaying a sense of disdain, their demeanours so unsettling, overwhelming the entirety of you. Overwhelming you whilst you ready yourself to intake the gentle conversation they bring themselves to carry out, lightness finding no comfort within the situation.
"Eren, I want to get to know Y/n," At Jean's words, a slight sombre look blends with the wrath Eren displays. One you know expresses his frustration and deep sense of vexation.
"Why do you want to get to know her?" Eren converses, almost as if his manner is a soliciting plea. As if he remains imploring for Jean to notify him why he thinks he carries a chance.
"I feel drawn to her," Jean halts with swift efficiency, "I don't know, but despite how she may feel about you, I can't help but want to try, Eren." Jean adds on, observing the tinge of anger that stains Eren's usually unrevealing demeanour.
"Yeah, but tell me what you truly feel about her?" Eren attempts to calm himself down, growing rather irritated at the mere fact that Jean remains taunting him. Taunting him in a way that you knew renders him exhausted and tongue-tied.
"If you were on the balcony, on the night of Sasha's party, you would genuinely know," Jean's tone leaves Eren to grow rather gloomy, his arid mouth slumped with frustration, his eyes pleading for an explanation that stems from Jean.
"Was Andreaus there?" Eren questions Jean, observing how he is rather quick to perk up at his swift words. Words that were generated from sheer familiarity.
"Yeah, he was there," A slight ounce of glee bleeds against Eren's features, all before he brings himself to head towards the door with swiftness — opening the door before you merely had any time to truly react.
You had been caught.
"Hey, Eren," Eren's eyes widen at the mere sight of you, all before he brought himself to conceal a small smile of his. It seems his distressed nature begins to slowly ooze out of him.
"Hey, Y/n," Your eyes shift to the sight of a lingering Jean, his eyes meeting with yours — leaving you rather conflicted on what it was he attempts to place within the situation.
"Hey, Jean," Attempting to steady your demeanour, you glance at the sight of him — anger slightly piercing your demeanour.
"How long have you been here?" Eren's lips are coated with a sense of nervousness, especially whilst his cheeks bloom with a cherry hue that doesn't fail to overwhelm his gentle features.
"Long enough," With the softness that overtakes your tone, Eren's lips slightly rise with embarrassment — his ears perking up with slight fear.
"..." Silence falls so peacefully, painting his face with an emotion he's unable to solely keep intact.
"Everything you told him, you've already told me," A small smile plagues your lips, "Don't get embarrassed." Your subtle whisper leaves him easing his posture, especially whilst Andreaus now lingers to take his post of security.
"Y/n, what have you been up to?" Jean questions an unmoving you, one that's unable to draw away from the fact that you are too mesmerised by the flustered sight of Eren.
"I sat by the ocean with an old friend," Eren perks up at your words, rather taken aback by your sudden words. It seemed as if you were disclosing an undelivered message.
"Levi," You murmur to Eren, bringing his eyes to widen tremendously — all before shock overtook him. Shock overtook him before guilt crazily conducted itself to crash upon his body. Guilt from being unwilling to keep within such soft contact with him.
"Shit," Eren could only sound out, all before you inch closer to the entirety of Jean — your heart heavy with remorse. Remorse from infiltrating such a conflicting environment.
"So, Jean, what's up?" A softness swarms your tone, especially whilst you now linger in front of Eren — his body settled at a distance from your own. But it seems as if he plans a protective stance over you, despite you remaining unaware.
"I'm not doing much, just asking Eren for advice," Slowly, Eren rolls his viridian eyes — his protectiveness still lingering. Eren's eyes loom over the both of you, self-consciousness so heavily intact.
"I have nothing to say," A slight sullenness overtakes you, "Could you guys give me a little bit of space?" The two of them glance at each other, their movements stiff whilst they're greeted with the firm sight of you. The firm sight of you, beginning to waver, attempting to relish the words that Levi had provided you with.
"That's fine," Jean gifts you a tender smile, "Eren, are you coming?" Eren seems to hold an amount of shock, his eyes slightly widening before his demeanour holds no indication of mere shock.
"Wait," Eren inches closer to Jean, mouthing something so sincere to you, "I can't stay with you?" His words elicit a smile from you, all before you feel your fingers coating the necklace he gifted you, subconsciously smiling.
"No," Disappointment holds his heart, especially whilst Jean brings himself to grasp hold of him — inching him closer to the door with him.
"Goodbye," Eren's bye causes tears to well further within your eyes; he fails to glance at your sacred self. His inability to do so brings you to hold your tone, your lips faltering, hope finishing.
"Bye, Eren," His name lingers, "Jean, too." Your rushed words allow you to close the door at a suitable angle, all before you can't help but collapse to the ground. Collapse as you silence your gloomy sobs. Silence them in a way that Andreaus wouldn't be so swift to comfort you.
Rushing so effortlessly off of the floor, you bring yourself to wrap a singular arm around your stomach — feeling such lively fabric.
Your eyes burn into the undisclosed atmosphere, feeling the love, the care, the beauty of it, the lingering scent of Eren. The lingering scent that you can't help but still consider a beautiful home. A home you so desperately wish to construct with ease.
Inching closer to a wailing portrait, concealed with a small casing around it, you peel the casing away, uncaring for the intrusion. Uncaring as you gasp. Gasp at the beauty of a drawing that Eren constructed. It's so obvious that he formulated the gentle painting; it has his love and soul scattered all over it.
Glancing, you are met so dearly with the sketch of the two of you — Eren holding you so dearly. Though your features are concealed, the back of your figure being displayed, peering outside of a window, the piece doesn't hold a sexual connotation in the eye of the beholder.
He lingers on a prestigious couch, the back of his head also prominent, almost as if he admires you, but you are unable to admire him in fluent lighting. It's almost as if you are searching for the old him, so desperate to not learn the new version of him. A version that happens to be more traumatised than his old version.
"If only this man realised how much I appreciate him, no matter what comes between us," A small tear slips from your eyes, "The next drawing must be me looking at him." Your words are muffled. Muffled whilst you slip the drawing back into place, tears forming so desperately within your eyes.
"It hurts, everything hurts," You grasp onto a small fragment of your dress, bringing yourself to curl up on the floor — as you did when Eren disappeared.
It's an odd way of coping, but it's the only way you've ever been able to cope in this lighting. Cope in a way that doesn't impose your feelings. But cope in a way that enables you not having to express your feelings with anyone, you're able to enable a system where you remain on your own — remain away from any imposing sources. Anyone that isn't home.
A place where you aren't guarded. Despite you locking yourself, you felt so free. Free as you conceal your vulnerability.
This was all you did when your dad died.
All you did when Eren left.
All you did when things got too much.
All you did when you yearned to be unguarded, to be free.
Releasing your cries so effortlessly, you grant the cold the chance to blanket you. To blanket you whilst you hold your knees, it serves as a home you temporarily stayed within for years.
For four years.
Unravelling your pent-up burdens, you slightly free yourself, numbing on the ground as minutes slip by. Slip by whilst you ponder on moments you wish to relive. Moments where your father lingers, talking to Eren, in love with the thought of him marrying you.
Moments where peace remains.
I miss you, dad. Your thoughts go unheard by everyone. Everyone who never knew how to enforce a positive coping mechanism for you. It's so obvious to them that you're lost. Lost from the fact that the past is something that never strays away so easily from you.
A massive part of the past.
Unable to control your method of coping, you remain lying on the ground, unmoving for almost an hour. Unmoving as tears continue to fall with ease. Fall whilst you yearn for your father's guidance within the moment. Guidance towards the fact that you are unable to dictate what you should or shouldn't do. All you desire is a hug from him. A hug to ease out the hurt that corrodes your bones, alters your guarded heart, easing out the pain you hold so firmly.
Pain that won't untangle itself.
The door creaks open with slight ease. No, familiar ease. Ease so familiar, you don't even intend on shifting. Shifting to view the sight of the man who would always encounter you in this position. A position where you hold yourself, attempting to conceal yourself from the dangers of the earth. The dangers you would always have to take on your own, no matter the circumstances. The danger you desire to be free from.
"Lotus," Eren's tone only causes you to hold yourself firmer, unwilling to shift, to slightly let out your sobs, to ponder on what went wrong.
"..." With an uncontrolled set of movements, you sigh as you feel him settle his body beside you — sitting to glimpse at the vulnerable sight of you. A vulnerable sight he had encountered on many occasions. This position happens to be used whenever you feel yourself too heavily close to declining.
"I'm here now," Eren's words bring your cries to grow harsher, "I'm here." His words hold deep care. Care in a way that establishes a glimmer of hope within you. A glimmer you held against your heart; you didn't want to remain solitary.
"You...don't have to be here, though," His fingers settle upon your shoulder, granting you the chance to be able to reflect upon the words you spoke of. Words that gladly covered the aspect of fear you were so afraid of sharing with him.
"Come here," Eren's soft whisper elicits a sense of comfort; it gifts your soul such comfort. Comfort your depleted body had been searching for for years.
"Please, just tell me why you left, Eren," His demeanour stiffens. Stiffens whilst he guides you into his arms. Into his arms as you continue to ball away from any acts of danger, relishing his protective grasp.
"It's too risky here," Softly, he plants a kiss on the top of your head, gifting you a subtle shock. Shock from how he still knows the spot that lovingly ensures you comfort. Comfort as it serves as assurance.
"I...get that," You listen to his rapid heartbeat, "It hurts my heart every day, just knowing that I was deprived of you for four years," You sniffle, "I felt like I was dying, and I still do." Eren holds you closer.
"It feels like, like, sometimes, you're not here," Your heart twitches and writhes at your words, "Every dream, it's you leaving, again, again, again, and it scares me, Eren," You can't help but gasp, "It scares me because I care for you." Eren holds you much closer; his eyes burn with the brightest hue of melancholy.
"I don't want to make you feel guilty about leaving," Guilt holds your guarded body, "It's just been hard holding these emotions in for four years, I just want answers." Eren agrees with your words, knowing that he so deeply owes you an explanation — you are still his everything.
"Our old home, I'll take you there," Eren's eyes glance at the atmosphere, all before they shift down to the sight of an extremely exhausted you. A mentally exhausted one that only clings so desperately to him; in a loving manner.
"Can we just...stay there forever?" Sadness stains the room, "I'm too afraid to be alone. I've been alone for too long." Eren feels the fears you place upon him. The same fear he continuously held; he worries about life without you.
"I'll take us home," Eren says with such love.
"P-Please, just never leave me alone," With such vulnerability coating your tone, you snuggle further within his hold — so in love with the feeling of him. The feeling of him aiding the home he so desperately loves.
"Everything that I couldn't do in the past, I'm making sure to do it," His head settles so beautifully upon the top of your head, "You're mine, you'll always be mine." His ending words rattle your heart with surprising joy, leaving you to snuggle further within his grasp.
"This is all I've ever needed," A slight sniffle slips from you, "For four years, all I've ever wanted was for me to be able to cry in your arms again, to be given a forehead kiss." You grow giddier as his heartbeat picks up further, his love so powerful and so gifting.
"You know I love you, Y/n?" An eruption of embarrassment coats you so gleefully, his arms are a faithful blessing. A blessing you find yourself attempting to gravitate to so easily.
"I know you do, and I'm not telling you the same until we're a forever thing," You groan, "I can't lose you again," A slight shake overtakes you, "I don't think I'll make it through that again." Fear penetrates you.
"I'm never going to put you and I through that again," Eren observes the sight of Jean, opening the door with swiftness, glancing at the position of you curled within Eren's arms, "I can't live without you again, it's the hardest thing I've ever done." Eren whispers his last words to you, observing the sight of an oddly shocked Jean.
"Can the two of you at least give me the backstory between you two?" It seems as if Eren grows slightly gleeful towards Jean, due to being able to express that he remains as yours.
"Long-lost lovers," Jean stills his eyes, "Lotus's almost the woman I was about to marry, but something happened." Jean grows heavily shocked at the marriage part, especially as Eren didn't strike him as the relationship type of man.
He kept to himself.
"You almost got married?" Jean feels guilty for attempting to intrude in a place he holds no importance towards; there isn't a singular chance he is set to ever with your heart.
"Yes," Eren settles another divine kiss upon the top of your head, "I spent so many years out of contact with you and everyone else, Jean," Eren halts, "It was just me, lotus, my family and her's." Jean's cheeks are garnished with a crimson hue.
"Me and her even had our own home at eighteen," Eren feels you now drastically calm against him, "No one really needed to know about the two of us, we both didn't care enough to have to tell others." He further adds on, whispering soft words whilst you cave so effortlessly against his homely chest.
"We're each other's first loves and last loves," Eren softens his tone, softens it so it suits the slumber you were so easily set to fall into.
"You didn't have to hide that from me," Jean sighs, his tone restless, "If you told me, she's basically your girlfriend, I would have backed off, Eren." Eren's curious eyes dart to Jean, darts before he grows so gleeful at the altercation.
"I didn't want to expose lotus," Jean can't help but foolishly smile at the pet name that so slips off of his tongue, "That's what happened." Eren adds on, so heavily in love with the entirety of an unstructured you — he's unable to hide his budding love.
"Can everyone please get out?" Unable to divert the clammy tone you plant, you draw your attention to the soft heartbeat he inhabits.
"You want me to leave?" Eren's heart falters so dearly at the channelled words. With a tender brush of his gentle hands, he smears a single part of them upon your shoulder. His viridian eyes charring the facade that fails to contain worry.
"No," Collapsing further within his grasp, you smear the heart of your mind against his heart — listening to his aged heartbeat.
An aged heartbeat that further calms at the sensation of you beginning to discover fragments of your brittle self. A brittle self whose heart attempts to settle in a place known as home, unknown to whether or not the mundane environment entitles her with safety she remains drawn to. Her heart falls so desperately within his palms again, unmoving and unable to shift the entirety of it elsewhere — so in love with being drawn to a home that lingers.
"Do the two of you want space—" With his drawn-to-a-halt words, an ample sensation of home pulls an essence of safety from your deprived, aching, heart. A heart that sores and thrives from an instant glee, riddled upon you.
Almost instantly, the welcomed sight of Levi adapts to the room.
"Levi?" Your tender murmurs pull a sense of worry from the entirety of him, especially about the state you loiter within.
"Y/n," Levi's eyes draw to the mere sight of a much more sophisticated version of Eren, "Eren." His words are swirled with a sense of knowingness, an underlying meaning that only the two comprehend with intelligent ease.
"Long time, no see, Levi," Eren's soft tone draws out a soft, ghost of a smile, from an observant Levi. His eyes unravel before the both of you, despite Eren serving as your eyes. Eyes that protect you from essential danger.
"Eren, you need to learn to visit more," His tone broadening, and his heart grows tainted with sombreness. Sombreness from the gruelling atmosphere that remains.
"I know," Softly, Eren disposes of his gentle murmur — assuring that he solely strives for peace and comfort. He doesn't refrain from gifting you comfort, especially whilst you refuse to uncurl, being smeared against the heavy nature of an unsatisfying life.
"To see the two of you like this, it's like home," Levi's heart shapes into a tenderness, especially with the feeling of nostalgia — it's a beautiful feeling.
"Yeah," A crushed murmur is exhibited by you, particularly with the fact that you are too afraid to steer from the severity of his hold — freeing yourself from such a beautiful place.
"What happened to the two of you?" Levi's persistent words leave you curling even closer to Eren, attempting to diminish the mere hurt that consumes your physique.
"I-I don't know," A failed sound slips from your lips, "I-I don't want to talk about it." Your presence falters further against Eren, being cuddled so heavily by him.
"Before anyone says anything, I'm going home," You shift from Eren's grasp, "Alone." Guilt envelops you, but you solely need to nurture the pale grief that consumes you.
"It's not safe," Eren musters out, his lips tinted with the art of fear, uncollected doubt, and despair — despite the ample amount of bodyguards you carry.
"Why's it not safe?" Your words pigment Levi out with ample astonishment, specifically with the fact that the entirety of your demeanour reeks of the art of death — one he's able to deeply feel.
"Bodyguards," Eren softly writes on his palm, his fingers straying away from the cameras, "One isn't genuine," His eyes widen with ample shock, "They are out to corner her, on the night of the art gala," Levi's eyes widen, "Let's flee to a safe house." You pour your trust into his heart, knowing that he's truthful.
"Fine," You spill, your heart and lungs on the verge of so effortlessly corroding.
The night of a thousand words is bound to seize your entwined hearts.
guarded
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